From Project Manager to Body Partner in Midlife and Menopause

Welcome to a new season of The Midlife Feast! I'm kicking off this season by naming the mindset that might be making things harder: treating your body, midlife, and menopause like an ongoing project to manage. 

I walk through what that costs, how it shows up in real life, and how we can shift from obsessive optimization to a steadier partnership with our bodies, including:
• the core question that changes everything: what if your body wasn’t a project to solve?
• the moving finish line and why “enough” never arrives
• the audit mode where meals and movement become performance metrics
• how tracking, wearables, and nonstop data can disrupt body attunement
• the betrayal narrative  and my own reminder that these thoughts can show up even after years of intuitive eating
• shifting from project manager to partner and the questions that create ease
 
Related Episodes

• The One Thing Menopause Dietitians Want You to Know About Nutrition with Laura Clark, RD
• Why You Don't Trust Yourself Around Food (and How to Rebuild It) with Fiona Sutherland
• How to Appreciate Your Changing Menopause Body with Dr. Charlotte Ord

Want more support?

• Free Un-Diet Your Mindset Guide→ https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/undietyourmindset
• Join my Group Coaching Community free for 7 days → https://www.menopausenutritionist.ca/7daytrial
• Book a no-strings connection call (virtual coffee with me) → https://p.bttr.to/3DQX9SF

And if you've loved today's conversation and found it helpful, please share it with a friend who needs to hear this and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. 

📚 I wrote a book! Eat To Thrive During Menopause is out now!  Order your copy today and start thriving in midlife.

Transcript

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The Mindset That Makes You Miserable

Jenn Salib Huber 0:02

Taking care of yourself is actually the thing that's making you feel worse. Welcome to the Midlife Feast, the podcast that helps you make sense of your body, your health, and menopause in the messy middle of midlife. I'm Dr. Jen Selie Puber, intuitive eating dietitian, a naturopathic doctor, and author of Eat to Thrive During Menopause. Around here, we don't see midlife and menopause as problems to solve, but as invitations to live with more freedom, trust, and joy. Each week you'll hear real conversations and practical strategies to help you feel like yourself again, eat without guilt, and turn midlife from a season of survival into a season of thriving. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dig in. Not necessarily the supplements or what you're eating or moving or tracking, but the mindset that is underneath all of it. The one that is maybe treating your body, midlife, menopause, like an ongoing project or a problem that needs to be solved. Stick with me because by the end of this episode, I'm going to share a few questions that I hope will change how you think about health and midlife and menopause.

A New Season And A Big Milestone

Jenn Salib Huber 1:24

Welcome back to another season of the Midlife Feast. I'm so glad that you're here. If you have been with me since the beginning, which is almost five years now, you were part of a really big milestone that I hit this summer. I think I mentioned it in the little mini-series. That I crossed this threshold of 500,000 downloads, which I have no idea, genuinely I have no idea how that happened. But I want to thank every single one of you who was part of it. Because as many of you know, this podcast has been my little passion project, and it continues to be my passion project, and it means so much to me that it means so much to so many of you. Now, if you're new here, I don't feel like you need to catch up, but welcome. I'm glad that you're here. And if you have some extra time, there are 200 episodes that you can fill your time with, but honestly, you do not have to catch up on anything. And that's kind of the beauty of my whole approach is that you're not behind and it's never too late. And since we're talking about this project management mentality, I feel like that really fits in with my philosophy that we do not have to treat ourselves like a project because we're not. We're human, right? Okay. So let's get into this whole season opener. Now, if you're a regular listener, you know that I like to have a little bit of a theme each season. So it's not a hard rule, it's not something that I'm gonna follow. It's more like a loose thread that guides the topics, the guests, and the questions that we dig into together. And regular listeners will also know that I love a good tangent and tangents are gonna happen. So consider yourself warned. But over the last year, especially, I've had the pleasure and honor of talking with a few different groups of women about one specific question.

What If Your Body Isn’t A Project

Jenn Salib Huber 3:27

What if your body wasn't a project to solve? How would that change how you eat? How would that change how you move? How would that change how you treat yourself from day to day? And somewhere over the summer, I realize that I have fully entered my anti-obsession era. And I want to bring you along for the ride, if you'll come with me. So this season's theme is about how to stop treating your body like a project. Now, please don't get me wrong. If something isn't working, then make it better if you want to. But that is not what we're talking about here. But the question that I keep coming back to is how do you know when you've done enough? Who are you actually doing it for? Because at some point, I think you're supposed to feel like what you're doing is making your life better, is bringing you enjoyment or at least a little bit more peace. And I know that what I see so much of is that it just starts to feel like project management. There's always one more thing to do, to optimize, to add, to manage. And I mean, I see this everywhere from supplement stacks to fitness stacks to devices that will tell you not only how many steps and how many hours of sleep, but even tell you if you're recovered today. And I really want to know like, what are these things actually telling us that we need to know? Is it helpful information? Is it information or is it just more data, more numbers? And so the question that I want us to talk about in this season opener is what is this project mentality costing you? Because there is a cost. You may not see it, although you might have an idea. When I start talking about it, you might be like, oh yeah. So let's actually kind of call it out what it is.

What The Project Mentality Costs

Jenn Salib Huber 5:28

Because when we treat our body like an ongoing renovation, there are three specific things that I notice happening. And that's what I want to talk about today. So the

The Finish Line Keeps Moving

Jenn Salib Huber 5:39

first is that the finish line keeps moving. Have you noticed that? Projects are supposed to end. Let's take a kitchen renovation. You renovate your kitchen, you live through the suck of having everything displaced and not being able to cook and store food the way that you do, but then it comes to an end and you have this beautiful new kitchen that is functional and does what it's supposed to do. And sure, maybe you like continue to, you know, style it for a while, but it's it's done. The renovation starts, it sucks, and then it's done. But that doesn't happen when we're treating our bodies like a project or an ongoing renovation, right? Like the finish line keeps moving so that you achieve one thing and it's always what's next. That's exhausting. And when women come to me and say, I'm just so tired, Jen, I have no energy, I'm mentally exhausted, I have decision fatigue. We talk about this moving goalpost a lot. And many of them will realize that they've never defined what the finish line is. It feels like it is a never-ending marathon. The

When Life Turns Into Audits

Jenn Salib Huber 6:49

second thing is that you might feel like you stop being someone who's living in their life, and you're in this constant state of auditing your life. So breakfast isn't just breakfast, it's a protein macro calculation. A walk, a brisk walk on a nice fall day stops being about fresh air and is about like hitting zone two cardio, which is the latest thing that I'm seeing all over social media. So we turn this experience of living in our bodies into a performance review. And I think that's one of the problems with um, you know, smartwatches or, you know, things like Fitbits and Apple Watches. And there was uh something that I saw on Instagram where somebody coined the term metrorexia, which was like this unhealthy obsession with numbers. And there is some research in this area, far from conclusive, but that is starting to show that the more that we outsource that information and the more data that we collect, but we don't actually get usable information from, the harder it is to actually notice what our body is telling us without one. So in intuitive eating, we talk about attunement and introsceptive awareness and attunement disruptors. And I really think that this constant collection of data as part of this ongoing project management is getting in the way of living in our bodies. And so we're just constantly auditing. That's also exhausting.

The Body Betrayal Story

Jenn Salib Huber 8:26

And the third thing is actually maybe the sneakiest thing, and I call this the betrayal narrative. So every time that your body, your human body, does something completely normal, it gets tired after a long day or a long week, or your body changes shape, or it takes you longer to recover than it used to. The project mindset reads this as there is something wrong and we need to fix it. It treats it kind of like a defect, right? And we're human, so of course we're gonna be a flawed, but also we're not a machine. So we can't just expect our body to work the same way all the time under changing conditions. And, you know, being totally honest, as we get older, it's getting older too, and so things are gonna change. And so this whole betrayal narrative of my body betrayed me, and I'm not dismissing the feeling because oh my gosh, I have felt that too. But this narrative of my body betrayed me and how do I fix it is part of that project management mindset. So let's hit pause for a few seconds, okay? So we've talked about these three things the moving finish line, the audit mode, and the betrayal narrative. Which of those do you feel most, I guess, kind of aligned with right now? Which do you see showing up? Maybe it's all three. Maybe it's one more than the other. I

How It Showed Up For Me

Jenn Salib Huber 9:56

want to share a little bit from this summer and about how I noticed that the betrayal narrative was showing up for me. Now, I have been an intuitive eating counselor and practicing intuitive eating for almost 10 years now. And what I noticed was that in the early parts of my undieting journey, I was able to move that goalpost mindset to the back burner. I was able to stop auditing in the way that we often do with food. Is this good? Is this bad? Am I being good? Am I being bad? Is there something better or best? I was able to move those. But I realized in the last few years that this betrayal narrative, especially when something goes wrong, like, you know, my knees, my torment meniscus, or when you wake up one morning and you're just feeling really sore and achy. Or when, you know, I got sick twice this summer in the span of 10 days with two different illnesses, and started to notice that thought come up, like, oh, my body's betraying me. What am I doing wrong? Now, because of the work that I've done, I was able to notice that thought before acting on those thoughts. But it made me realize that this whole obsession with optimization is, we all know, it's huge in the midlife and the menopause world. But even those of us who have been working on rejecting that for a while or at least kind of reframing that can still get caught up in that. And so that's when I decided that I'm in my anti-obsession era. I don't want to become obsessed with anything that is not moving me towards ease, comfort, peace, and joy because I want to live in my body. I want to do fun and awesome things in my body. I want to be active and I want to work towards my old lady body and all those kinds of things with, you know, strength and confidence. But I don't want to feel like I'm constantly fighting this betrayal. So that's kind of where I'm at. I would love to hear where you're at, you know, and there's no right or wrong answer here, but this is the conversation that I that I want to have this year is where are we feeling the push or maybe the pull in those project management thoughts? Okay, so if we're not managing this project anymore, what do we do next? That is always the question that people ask. And so I'm gonna give you a few things to think about today, but also just, you know, throughout the season.

Shift From Manager To Partner

Jenn Salib Huber 12:38

The first is let's switch from project manager to partner. So a project manager is inspecting, is auditing, is demanding performance metrics. A partner is going to have a very different approach. A partner is going to create a supportive environment. It's gonna notice what's needed. It's gonna pay attention to how do we make this comfortable for both of us. It's not gonna yell at you, right, for being behind on a deadline. So let's stop talking to our bodies like it's a contractor behind schedule. Instead of asking, what do I need to do or fix today? Let's start asking, what do I want to need? How do I feel today? Because sometimes the answer is going to be rest, sometimes it's going to be movement, sometimes it's going to be a balanced meal with protein, maybe it's going to be less screen time. The whole shift, though, is going from what do I think it needs to perform or to do as an outside expectation or metric to what do I need to feel comfortable in my body and work with my body?

Audit Your Tools And Data

Jenn Salib Huber 13:52

The second part is we're going to audit the inputs. Okay. So this one is about noticing what is keeping you in that renovation mindset without helping you, right? So if you're spending time on a device that is tracking your steps, but then shames you for sitting down, what information is that giving you? Is it actual information or is it just data? And how do you feel when that data comes up? Because a lot of people will tell me they feel guilty if they don't close their rings. And I've said a million times, guilt is a terrible motivator. If you are relying on guilt, it is only going to work in the short term. So maybe the device is the problem. Maybe you need to fire those tools that are not earning their keep. Maybe you move from tracking every single metric to tracking the things that help you to see the pattern and the progress and the journey that you're on without the shame built into it. And I'll give you an example. So I haven't worn a smartwatch in I think eight years ago was when my Fitbit died. And I don't track a lot of things. What I do give myself credit for showing up for is movement. And so I track when I move my body, how I move my body loosely as either strength or cardio or something else. Because I like to see that I am doing this regularly enough, that I'm in a pattern that feels good, that is supporting my health, but I also track how I feel. I track my mood, I track my energy, especially on those days. Not so that I can say I'm doing the right thing, but that so that I can notice that, hey, when I'm in this rhythm, this routine of doing this a few times a week, I feel like this is good. I feel like this is working. I don't have to constantly be managing and auditing and trying to tweak and optimize. It also means that I can approach it with curiosity when some weeks go by and maybe it's not quite the rhythm that I want or the rhythm that feels good, but I can say, okay, why? Why was this so hard this week? And the same thing applies with food. I don't track what I eat, but I set intentions around some gentle nutrition meal planning that make having things like balanced meals that have a main character of protein, that include fiber-forward foods or meals, that put more plants on my plate. I set intentions and have rhythms and routines around that that mean that I don't have to track it all the time. I don't need data to tell me that it's quote, working because I trust how my body feels. Now that might feel like I've just said something foreign and alien because to a project manager who wants and needs data, you have relied on that data. And maybe some of it has been good. Maybe you have been able to make changes or do things with that data that actually feels like information. But part of the audit that I'm inviting you to do is to say, is this still working the way that I want it to? And again, there's no good or bad, there's no right or wrong answer, but a lot of people are relying on this outside information. I don't think it's working the way that we want it to. The

Build A Capacity Menu

Jenn Salib Huber 17:25

third thing to think about is shifting from this optimization to a capacity-based framework. Because optimization treats your human body like a machine that is constantly in need of fine-tuning. And there's always something that someone is telling you that you can do to fine-tune it. Capacity, though, accepts where you're at. It treats you, I guess, like a biological system, right? Like an ecosystem that is built to adapt. And we spend a lot of time trying to optimize our routines, and we kind of forget that the whole point is to create an ecosystem that is self-sustaining. At least that's what I think our relationship with food and movement and anything else that we do is to create a self-sustaining ecosystem. So instead of a scorecard, maybe think about having a capacity menu. So have a running list of things that you have access to with varying capacities that still help to support that ecosystem that you want. But it's not about trying to perfectly design an ecosystem based on what other people are doing. So maybe if you have movement on your list of things that you want to do more of, maybe you have a list of five or 10 things that you can access depending on your capacity, instead of a list of I have to do this or I have to work out so many minutes doing this exercise. So that's the third thing is kind of shifting from this optimization mindset to a capacity-aligned mindset where you're building an ecosystem. So

Next Steps And Ways To Connect

Jenn Salib Huber 19:11

I really hope that this conversation has given you some food for thought. And I want to leave you with you know, your body isn't a project to solve. And treating it like one costs you more than you think. The finish line that never comes, a life that you're constantly feeling like you have to audit instead of live in. And a body that you've started treating like it's betrayed you just for being human. And so this season, I'd invite you to retire that project manager and try on having a partner instead. So if you want space to actually build your own capacity menu instead of trying to figure it out on your own, that's exactly what we do in the Feaster community. Or if you'd rather just talk it through with me one-on-one, you can grab a free call and we can have some virtual coffee and chat it out. Both of those links are in the show notes. Have a great week. I will see you back next week. We're back into our weekly episodes every Monday. And if you'd like to give me some feedback or maybe tell me what your answer is to one of these questions, you can either leave it in the comments if you're watching this on YouTube, or you can click the send me some fan mail in the show notes and I will listen to every single one because I really love hearing from you and I and I want to know how I can help you stop treating your body like a project this year. Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Midlife Feast. If you're ready to take the next step towards thriving in midlife, head to menopause nutritionist.ca to learn more about my one-to-one and group coaching programs, free resources, and where to get your copy of Eat to Thrive during menopause. And if you've loved today's conversation and found it helpful, please share it with a friend who needs to hear this and leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. It helps so many more people just like you find their way to food freedom and midlife confidence. Until next time, remember midlife is not the end of the story, it's the feast. Let's favor it together.