Essential Mental Healing
Essential Mental Healing
Time, Grief, And Gentle Balance
It's Therapy Thursday!!
What if balance isn’t a perfect calendar but a kinder relationship with time? We open up about the tug-of-war between packed days and the deep need to slow down, trading guilt for acceptance and urgency for presence. From missed movie showtimes and overflowing to-do lists to the tender relief of an unhurried conversation, we map the messy terrain where real life happens.
Janet shares how aging has become an invitation to soften: wanting less, enjoying what lasts, and noticing the goodness in what’s already working. We talk about the house that holds decades of stories, the neighbor who quietly watches out for safety, and the surprising ways grief keeps teaching us after the loss of loved ones. Those memories don’t fade; they change form, sometimes even showing up in the calm of a pet or the habit of an open curtain that lets the day feel alive.
Candace names the emotional spikes that come with moving fast and wanting structure, and we get honest about the kind of support big thoughts require. Not every friend can hold the heaviest ideas, and that’s okay. We outline what a practical safety plan can look like, why 988 remains a vital resource, and how to find a therapist whose mind is open enough to meet complexity with care. Along the way, we reframe rest as a daily practice—short pauses, seasonal breaks, and small choices that keep the plates from tipping.
If you’ve ever felt behind on your own life, this conversation offers a gentler script. Come for the real talk about time, stay for the quiet tools: noticing what matters, asking for help, and letting yourself move at a human pace. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a breath, and leave a review to help others find our community.
Host Candace Patrice
Co-host Janet Hale
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Suicide Prevention Lifeline 988
Music by Lukrembo: https://soundcloud.com/lukrembo
Provided by Knowledge Base: https://bit.ly/2BdvqzN
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice, and joining me as always is my lovely mother, Janet Hale. Hi, mommy. Hello, hello, hello. Y'all got a mama. I got a mama, and that's really nice. And my daughter has a mama, and that's really nice. And sh and we love having mommies. That's that's what I got. That's what I got for y'all today, right there. That's it. Podcast over. Enjoy your day. But go ahead and hit like, subscribe, and all of the beautiful things. Okay. Um, hi mother.
Janet Hale:Hey Candace, how are you?
Candace Patrice:You know, I'm well and also hanging on by a thread at the same time, but trying to enjoy the thread that I'm hanging on by. And by hanging on by a thread, it is time that I am sh that I am navigating, navigating time. And it's difficult. That's all. How you doing today?
Janet Hale:I'm okay. I am. And I was listening to you talk about you having a mom, Kamari having a mom. Um, and then I know we're gonna talk about time and how that changes, um, how that how it looks changes with time. You know, when I was listening to you and I thought about when we first started the podcast, where we started, um, what our relationship looked like then, what it's looking like now, how for me it's become a time for me to practice what I preach, and that is to see that things are changing, and however, it changes to be able to accept it, adapt, and keep moving. Because time continues to move, so therefore, our perception continues to reshape itself.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:So, anyway, that was just some thought I had when you were talking.
Candace Patrice:That's really good. Um, wait, I I looked up the definition of time.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Patrice:Uh, the definition of time from one of my sources on the internet, Google, uh says is the indefinite, continued process of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. So time being indefinite is something I understand, but it's a rolling, it continues to roll. And there's an expectation that things can be done within a certain amount of time. We put time frames on things. Uh, be here at this time, it's gonna be this long. This should take about this long to do this. How long does it take to get from point A to point B? How long does it take to go shopping? What's the price? How long does it take to heal? Like, there's a lot of things that require our time. Um, for me, time, the difficult thing for me with time is one I don't really like to get up early. So that starts me off just all wrong because the world operates in the morning. It starts that way. Um, I seem to get a lot of energy in the evening, whether coffee induced or not, that sun goes down, the moon comes up, and my productivity increases. Uh, I can't explain that, but it's what I've noticed on my own research of self. Uh but I'm finding that there's so much I want to do. And I want to fit it all in the time that is here. The or at least the time that is expected, I don't know. Let's just say, for instance, I realize that there's it's difficult for me to have things on a repetitious cycle at the same time on the same day, because things don't always move that way. So, for instance, if ideally I want to go to the mall in a day, go to the movies, clean the house, um, cook some dinner, and shoot a podcast. I want to do that on Friday. But Friday comes, and the showing didn't line up with the time in which I actually would have been done cleaning, but also I got so much energy that I want to continue I want to clean thoroughly, which now has taken the entire day. So all four of the other things are now pushed to a new day, which already had its own set of things on it. And it's difficult for me with time to keep all of that in order. That's that is one, but it's indefinite, and so not just that, time and evolution of life is a rabbit hole I fell into today. Um even from the beginning of time, the existence with the period, like if all things start with a dot, then what? Like if that's the beginning, but a dot can have a diameter too because it's thickness and things, then I fall down this darkness of infinity. It's infinite, and what do we do with that? I don't know. This is where I am in life. Okay, call me crazy, I don't care. Oh, my mind doesn't it, I won't say it doesn't work like others, but you know how they say we only access what, 1% of our brain or something like that? If this is 1%, then I might be operating at 1.1%. That's a whole lot. At least that's the way I feel. And meeting others who operate at that 1.1, 1.2%. I don't know. And that's still a low, low, low. I don't even when I say it, it sounds like I'm saying I have more knowledge than others. And I don't, I'm not trying to say that more so than my brain is wired to receive so much right now. And I don't want, I don't have boundaries or walls that are like the existence has to stop where people believe what already is is. What about the things that aren't or that people haven't discovered or allowed themselves to experience? Rather, it's judgment of others. And we talk about following our gut and being unique and doing things in our own right. And sometimes that requires us to look a little crazy, i.e., Cat Williams, who ain't never did drugs, but people he has this narrative out in life when in reality he's just living a free spirit life and trying to be conscious of what he's putting out into the world and what the what is operating in the world, and trying to give us what his belief is of the truth in a way that I guess people it sounds crazy. So he's on drugs, so they say. But we from the Michelle Obama interview and hearing some of his history and assuming that what he says is truth because it comes out of his mouth and it's his truth, his past made drugs unfavorable for him, and it's something he never did. I'll believe him. So yeah, time woo.
Janet Hale:So, Candace, so time for me. Um, when I look back on time, you said the past, time, um, and how I won't say I wasted my time because I'm sure that was part of my learning um who I am and all those things. When I look back at time and I look at where I am, I recognize for me that with time for me, I realized how much I really didn't know. Like I was so sure about so many things that I could philosophize, you know, the da-da-da-da-da, or the the new trend or the new mindset that's popular in the moment. And how um when I'm settled and I think about time, I'm pretty laid back, except for when it well, Candace know when I have to drive somewhere, that's a whole nother thing. But um time here in this house, I'm coming up on 30 years of being in this home. So as you know, there's a young man that lives across the street. And um, and I watch him uh, you know, live his life, live his young life. And um I went and I told you, I shared this with you. So I came in from my favorite health food store and I saw him walking up. He never, you know, and I'm what's going on? I'm trying to figure out what's going on. And he says to me, Um, you know, I want to shovel your snow. Um, because he didn't know if the guy who cuts my grass is the one that did the snow and all this stuff. And so he said, I wanted to take care of that for you. And so we started talking. And I was um talking about being here, and I said, This home that I'm in, we've had many parties up in here. I'm like, he's like, whoa! And I said, Oh yes, it's been a whole thing. And he's like, Yay! And he talked about how he watches me and he looks over, look out for me. So um I like to keep the drapes open. And if they're not, if there's some days go by, I didn't know he was talking to the neighbor who you know. Um, and I, you know, is she okay over there? And then he, you know, so he got the phone number and all those things. But and with time, I remember when he moved over there. Yeah, I remember there's a young guy over there, and this guy is moving my trash can without me knowing it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
Janet Hale:And I'm like, oh man, thank you. And he says, This is what I'm supposed to do. This is what I'm supposed, and I'm like, oh. And when he came and talked to me yesterday, speaking of time, that was precious time. That was precious time that I had with this. We ended up telling me it was cold. Everybody living in Detroit knows it's cold. And we he was out there just talking. I was in the car, and he was just talking, and we were laughing, and we were going. And so when I came in the house, I looked over, he was going to get his shovel to take care of my sidewalk. Yeah, because he knows I'm here alone.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
Janet Hale:And his thing, you know, I need to look, Miss Janet, he remembered my name, Miss Janet. I want to make sure you're okay. And I said, Oh, okay. So with time, so for me, that's my time. That's part of my time, right? Um, and all of my time is precious, it's all so precious for me. Hmm. It's it's precious and it's special, yeah, and it's good when certain people touch you. Yeah. And he made a comment, and I said, you know, I'm to myself. He said, I know. I'm probably the only person you can talk to in a long time. I said, and you might be. He said, Yeah. He said, because I'm a loner too. I said, yeah, me too. And I said, you know, and I watch out for you too. I said, when I see pack packages on that porch, I'm like, he said, well, you know, I didn't know you'd leave them in this neighborhood that long. I mean, I've had things out there for a long time. So yeah, I know. I said, but we're all looking out for it. So when I think about time, see, for me, that's special time. Yeah. It's not about me knowing anything.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:It's just about me being. And it's not about me doing anything to be noticed. That's interesting. Yeah, yeah. This, I didn't do anything, you know. I come in, you know, come in the house, open the drapes, do what I need to do, and I'm in here. But this young man is watching. And you said something. You said he has a um protective spirit. You know what I'm saying? And he does.
Candace Patrice:One thing I when I hear him, or you know, know what he does and everything, my first thought was at some point he's gonna get tired of doing it. Time is gonna go.
Janet Hale:No, you just bust my butt.
Candace Patrice:No, no, no, no, keep listening. Keep your bubble unpopped. Um girl. But when I hear him say things like, I'm supposed to do this, I don't feel like time is a factor anymore. I feel like he'll do it indefinitely until he's either unable to, you know, I don't feel like it will become a burden to him. It will be what he's just used to doing. Kind of like we go, people with pets, they go home, I gotta go feed the dog. I gotta, you know, it's intentional. And I'm grateful that you have him right across the street. Because I don't I don't be there that much. Like I don't come that much.
Janet Hale:But do you want everyone to know that?
Candace Patrice:I mean, it's the truth. I can't, I can't deny what is true. Um, and what you know, I when I come, if there's something to take out, or if there's trash or something, of course I'll do it. Or if you were to ask me to do something, you know, I'll do it. But as far as an every a more consistent like two, three times a week, that that's not what and part of that is the time thing for me. Um, I have something else to say, but I don't remember. But I'm appreciative, I guess is what I want to say. I'm grateful that God has put him in your life, in your neighborhood, in your reach to be community helper, you know, and not that it's expected, but it's nice to know it exists. You know what I'm saying? And it's I've had the conversation with him before, and even talking about um the 30 years being there, you know, I share with him how the neighborhood had been when we first moved in. All of the kids, and I started naming people like, and this person stayed in that house, and this person stayed in that house, and right next door to you was such and such, and it was just it was it felt good. It felt good to have one, the stability of you being there for 30 years and having those memories felt good, and then knowing that the memories are continuing on. Um, it's one of those things I think it makes me want to make sure that the home stays in the family. Um, no matter what. It if you know, you have it for all that's funny. What because I don't know that I'm a living that's what I was gonna say. What are we really? Do we really need to do that?
Janet Hale:I want to keep the house. Let me tell you why I'm gonna show you why I say that. I remember daddy's house, right? That house has been paid for. It's been paid for. And well, it burned down, that's a whole nother story. But even in Hatton, I don't think anybody would have gone. Had you ever been over to Granddaddy's?
Candace Patrice:No, but that was on the east side, right? Not that the east side doesn't matter.
Janet Hale:I didn't say it like that. No, it doesn't matter because when he moved over, when they moved over there, it was a very nice neighborhood. Very nice.
Candace Patrice:Well, at the time that I'm saying this today, your neighborhood is good, your home is good, the bones are solid, and I would not get rid of it. I wouldn't. I don't know. I would lease it out, I would not get rid of it. Uh-huh. Okay. Personally, I mean, it's not. And then you know what else? Things come around in cycles. So even if it was not wanting, you know, first of all, I hold on to things way too long to be getting rid of a whole house. I can't even conceptually think of that. I I'll probably barely get rid of the things that's inside the home, okay? Because I got a problem. Not a problem. I believe things come back around in cycles, like my track suits in the 90s that are popping right now.
Janet Hale:But with the time and in the house, too. So I remember when um we moved here and how we were so busy, you know, trying to actually keep up with the neighbors. You know, your dad used to keep up with the grass. You know, if somebody else was cutting their grass, it's like, oh, I need to go out and get my grass because my grass is looking better than everybody else.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Janet Hale:I remember um because I like to keep the curtains open. It's something that I've been doing for a long time.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
Janet Hale:And um, I take pride in it. Yeah. And opening up my home and having the lights on, and you know, that kind of thing. Um, I remember when we got a new roof and how we were just like, we we pay cash for the roof, everybody. And we were walking up and down the street because we were so proud. We were like, look, we look up. We didn't want the neighbors to know we were looking up at our roof. We were looking up at that room. Yes! And so, and with time, um, you know, coming up on 30 years, and how, but he's he's deceased. I'm 62 and I'm slowing down. And I appreciate the slowdown. That's what's interesting. I appreciate the slowdown. Yes. I, you know, I appreciate the time I put into this. So the slowdown is really, really cool, right? So when I think about, you know, all the things we were doing when we first got here, now I'm like, listen. I remember I wanted a new kitchen. Now I look at that kitchen, I'll be like, okay, get a couple of drawers. I'm good. I'm I'm just like, I'm not caught up in all the things, and that's what time is for me. I don't know, but your house is real solid. I did thank you. It is, but um, right, but you know, I've wanted the kitchen for a long time, and I'm like, well, I didn't get it. Um, I'm not tripping, okay. You know, do a little but you got a new stove. Of course, and a very good refrigerator. You see what I'm saying? Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have those things, and so um and a fan attachment. Yes, I do. You see, but I but I'm slowing down, and the slowdown is beautiful because somewhere it takes the stress off, right? And then I watch my anger because time has taught me a thing, and I still get pissed off. You know that. I mean, but it teaches me like, okay, I'm pissed, and I'm not gonna say that me being upset is not just. It is what it is. The thing with it is learning to adjust my expectations in life period, even working in my age on my job. You know, I look one young lady, she's I don't know, she's young, and she said, and I've got six years' experience and da-da-da-da-da. And I'm like, oh so I was talking about what I do, and I've been in it for 15 years in this particular field.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
Janet Hale:And um, I had said that before. And when she said it, I was like, What was she challenging me? Because for me, baby, you can never compare to my experience, because my experience goes way past this job. Okay. The experience that I bring to the table is almighty and wonderful. Okay. But I just watched her and I was like, oh, okay, let me go back to type, whatever I was doing, but okay, great. Um, and there was a time that I wouldn't have been able to do that. I would have been in competition. But time has taught me, what am I competing for? You know, what am I what am I doing? I ooh, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time. I even think about um me and weight, right? I gain weight, I lose weight right now. I'm just and I was walking around the house, and I said, it is what it is. I said, you're vegan not to lose the weight, but for your health benefits. Because when I say vegan, they're like, what? And I'll be like, I know you guys are like, you a fat vegan. And I'll go, when I see it in their eye, I'll be like, I am yes, I'm a fat vegan. And so, because it's okay. I remember when I would be like, Oh, I need to lose 10 pounds because no, no, no, no, and if it comes, it comes. You know what I mean? But with that time, as you just I I for me have learned to just let go of so many things, and in letting go, you fall in there. And we're in a phase in our development where I'm letting go of pieces of you, and I think it's okay, I think it is what it is. Um, and allowing you to do what you want to do. I think, and I realize when I when I'm working through things like that with you, like what am I what am I holding on to? What am I holding on to? And if I agree or don't agree, whatever it is, then just kind of and mmm see you just as another woman sometimes. You're another woman, you're a young woman, and you're gonna have your viewpoints, I'm gonna have mine, right? And um, sometimes it's painful, I will not lie. Right? But it is what it is, and when I stop looking at, well, she's my daughter, and that well, she is my daughter, but she's 30-something years old, I won't tell her age. 37. And don't say she's 37 years old, and she's 37 years worth of Candace. Time. Time that's your time. My time is what I do. I'm a stay-at-home, chilled out chick. I love being chilled out, it's a wonderful thing. Stay in my thing, you stay in your thing, just like I would treat anyone else in their thing. You see what I'm saying? So that is a thing when we talk about time, how the perception of things just change with time. Yeah, it changes with time, and and it's okay that it changes. It's okay, girl. Listen, this slowing down thing that I'm doing, I only want a new car. Wait a minute. Somebody says something about you still driving that car. Do not get a new car.
Candace Patrice:I I said, and I am. Listen, they are charging subscriptions for Bluetooth connection for you to use your navigation system on your phone to hear it through your speakers. Right. I'll send you the video. No, no, thank you, because I'm not.
Janet Hale:I just keep the oil change, rotate my tires, get the new, and I'm just saying, like, those are the things that I would fix the dent in the front. But anyway, that's a problematic issue. You know, it's not a real deep, deep thing.
Candace Patrice:Um Daddy's not here, so you're all right.
Janet Hale:I'm good.
Candace Patrice:Because they would have been down at Abe's shop getting fixed with the bumper from the jump car, right? And then we're gonna try to get it painted. It actually might turn out good. Now, it might did it. No, his stuff was pretty sturdy, right?
Janet Hale:Cool.
Candace Patrice:Abe. Well, I hope they're not listening, but I mean, there are many Abe's in the world.
Janet Hale:They're okay for a minute. When your dad started saying, I'm not going back to them, but then instead of sending me to them, I said, Oh, hold up. Why are you sending me if you threw it? So I don't know.
Candace Patrice:He like, I ain't got no other resources, but uh I'm like, mm-mm.
Janet Hale:I'm not you're running from them. Don't send me to them. But you know, I don't even know if they're still over there. Yeah. So with the time thing, it's just that, you know, I don't need a new car, I don't need a new house, I don't need a new daughter.
Candace Patrice:I don't know, you don't, damn it. Sorry, y'all.
Janet Hale:But you know what? As years go by, as long as I'm living, everyone who's listened to this podcast, we're going to watch Candace evolve.
Candace Patrice:Yeah.
Janet Hale:In this process, you guys.
Candace Patrice:But you know what else? They get to see us evolve. Yes. And and I think that historically, if some if some other mother and daughter get an opportunity to hear us, it could be good for them. You know? Go ahead. What were you gonna say?
Janet Hale:Joe, I was thinking about Joan Rivers and her daughter. No, they had a TV show together. Okay. Oh, you wouldn't. Okay, you would okay. And um, I remember and I find myself saying some of the things Joan Rivers would say. Like, when I'm dead, you'll have this to go back to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think about that. And you remember where we were in the phase of our development, our relationship, you know. And oh man, I remember when we did that and we were actually dealing with A, B, and C, you know, all those things. So time is just a beautiful thing. It just keeps moving, and we keep evolving with it, and we keep shifting and shaping and changing and all those things. And this, oh, getting back to being the age that I am and slowing down. Because one of the things, not to offend anybody who's listening, but one of the things I've watched is folks um a certain age trying to be young again. I'm like, why are y'all doing that? When I say young again, I need some other stuff. Well, they need to. So just well, yeah, just um all of a sudden we're wearing clothes that are just like, man, do we really? Or do we really need to know? I don't know. And that whole thing of holding on to that. And I think about how um I watched some of oh, I can't think of her name. Who played Jane Pittman? Anyone listen to know what I'm talking about? Okay.
Candace Patrice:But she's Joseph, Josephine, did she play it? Josephine Baker.
Janet Hale:Oh well, look it up. Look on your thing. Who played Jane Pittman?
Candace Patrice:I don't know.
Janet Hale:No, because it's it's it's relevant to the situation. Okay. I turned my phone off because it was binging in the background.
Candace Patrice:Um, the autobiography.
Janet Hale:Yeah, who paid who played her? Um the actress. I know her, but I can't Oh! Cecily Tyson! Cicely Tyson. When did you know what Cicely Tyson was Cicely Tyson? I don't, you know, she was who she was. She aged the way that she was gonna age, and it was okay. And so for me, and I don't know, maybe 10 years from now, I'll be talking about girl, I got a space lip. I don't know. But um But at where you are today in this moment where I'm at today, where I'm at today is just living in this this time and embracing this time and this period in my life.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, I shared with you how I was at a conference, oh, was it last week or so? And I ended up with an older woman who had just had a hip replacement, and she had to move slow on the stairs. And it was so I intentionally walked with her and told her I would love this moment to slow down. And I got to slow down. And at this state in my life, I'm moving so fast that I actually can't wait for the slowdown period. And I don't, I'm, and I'm sure it comes in its waves. Um, it was not necessarily only at 62, you know, but being conscious of needing to slow down or rest, you know, what what does rest look like? We've talked about that once before, and I would even say maybe my answer has changed a little bit because rest sometimes happens throughout the day. It's that nap in the day sometimes, isn't it? Or maybe it's a rest period. Maybe you've been busy for the whole week and now the weekend is now I need to rest. Or maybe you're someone who works for a season and it's like you've worked really hard for three months and you're taking a month off to rest, to slow down, not put anything else on your calendar. You know, everybody's version of rest looks different. And I know for me, I'm trying to find that balance right now of moving and resting. And that is where I am meeting my struggle today. So I'm working through it and trying to figure out what it looks like and how to get to a place where I feel stable because I kind of feel like I'm on a weight. If you think about how it needs to balance when you have, I'm thinking of the two guys when I'm talking right now, the weights where it has like two plates on both sides and they have to balance. And right now, I feel like I'm on one side, life is on the other, and I'm trying to balance it. But I don't know how many, how much weight to put on the scale to balance it. So right now I'm playing around with weights till I find my balance. I can't wait to find my balance because I want to be a little stable. This month has been very difficult with balance and stabilization, very emotional, very emotional. Everything seems to be big emotionally.
Janet Hale:Come on, bring it on.
Candace Patrice:I don't know why or what, but something simple can trigger my emotions. I was on the phone with a friend, and um, I was talking. I could tell they're probably scrolling. And I was like, I know you're not paying me no attention, but that's okay. And they was like, how you know? I was like, it's in the pause. And they was like, okay, I'm about to give you my undivided attention. Hold on. All of a sudden I got flooded with emotion. Like I wanted to cry. And they're like, Oh, you miss me. And I was like, I don't know what this is, I just want to cry. And it's been happening a lot. It's been happening a lot lately, where something's so small feels so big, or it just hits me emotionally. Like, I don't know, I just want to break into tears. Um and I need stabilization, I need to stabilize, and I don't know how yet. There's just a lot to do, and I don't know why there's so much pressure on me for me within me, because like you said, I'm just going through the when you were talking about going through life with the time. And a couple months ago, I was floating through all the things. No time, time didn't matter. I didn't care about time. I was like, everybody gonna get everything whenever it happens because it's supposed to happen the way it's supposed to happen when it's supposed to happen. Now everything needs structure and structure. I have to revise and re-revise my structure or implement more structure, organization, so many things, and I don't know how to get to them, just in home, not even outside in the world. That's actually a lot easier out there. It's go to it, you're done with it, period. Even I realize at home, I never make enough time for the cleanup, just the ready. If I have to be out the house in 10 minutes, I can get ready in 10 minutes, but everything's gonna be everywhere. Then when I come back, I want to rest. So nothing gets done in home. And that's hard. That's all.
Janet Hale:Um when you were talking about what came to my mind was I see you.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm not just now seeing you.
Janet Hale:What I feel that I just witnessed was your slowdown. You slowed down for those three or four minutes. You did a slowdown. But I see you. That part I want you to know. I see you, you don't think I'm looking. I see you. That's all I can offer.
unknown:Yeah.
Candace Patrice:Thank you. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, that's what I prevent your life line. It's nine eight eight.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
Candace Patrice:Oh my goodness. Oh no, seriously, that is the number. If you need to call or text 24 hours, seven days ago.
Janet Hale:What is it again?
Candace Patrice:988.
unknown:988.
Candace Patrice:Oh my goodness. Yep, that happened and it happens. And we'll get through it. I'll get through it. Everyone around me will get through it. Everyone is gonna get through what they have to get through for themselves. I will say this: what's difficult? Finding the counsel to talk to. Who do I go to when I'm having all of these big things? Who do I go to when I have all these big thoughts? Like the period falling down the dark hole. You know?
Janet Hale:Okay, so I'm gonna say this. What what is what does that look like? And I'm gonna say this on the air because you said what you said on the air. Who what kind of counsel would you need for the things that you're going through outside of me?
Candace Patrice:Say that again.
Janet Hale:What counsel would you need for what you're going through? Because I think that's a trust issue, to be honest, outside of me, outside of me or some of the other elders that you know. Um you say you're looking for counsel.
Candace Patrice:So my brain is wild. And sometimes when I share what's in my brain, I think people side-eye. If it's not the correct people. I have about three people that can handle the the bigger things, and by bigger I mean falling down the dark hole of a period to infinite to infinity. Um but sometimes I don't know. I don't know. I guess it's just you know how you do a safety plan and you have to put your trustworthy people. I think I just need to do one.
Janet Hale:Not as a safety plan, but as I think you said it the way no, I don't think you need to change that, babe.
Candace Patrice:Oh well, maybe yeah, you know what? Yes, I think because I'm thinking suicide and things like that. But it's just it's a yeah, it is a safety plan. Um and who I can call. So that's where I think I need I'm drafting that. Um, and maybe I should actually put it on paper. But mentally it is being drafted.
Janet Hale:So I'm gonna ask you this question. Do you think that um perhaps it's well this is kind of okay, that perhaps professional counseling because this sounds like to the professional? Pardon me?
Candace Patrice:You don't think I'd be talking to the professional? Oh now you you know what it is now. Hold on, because before you say that, I did actually today um suggest meeting 30 minutes prior to open for that like twice a week. So I'll let you know how that goes.
Janet Hale:I think that's a good idea.
Candace Patrice:I do too.
Janet Hale:Good.
Candace Patrice:Okay. So that came. So to answer your question, I have considered and sought out. So yes.
Janet Hale:Good, good looking out for yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Candace Patrice:Because I there are big things, and even the professional has to be ready to tame me. They gotta be good. Like you know how you always go, I need the best of the best, and it's true. I need a good therapist, but not just good, whose mind is open to receive what I can't. I do know that this person I believe can receive.
Janet Hale:You went out, I couldn't hear you.
Candace Patrice:Um I said I do believe uh this person handle some.
Janet Hale:I hope you can hear it. I can't hear you, but it might have come through because I know that's happened before.
Candace Patrice:Oh.
Janet Hale:Where uh I couldn't hear, but can you hear me now?
Candace Patrice:Okay. Um I'll let you know how that goes. If that happens and what that looks like, or if I have to find another solution to that button. Yes, yes, yes. Things are good though. Overall, if on the greater scope of things, when I'm moving fast, things are real good. It's just when I'm moving fast, aren't they though? Are they really? Very good. It's a slow.
Janet Hale:You said that's my story, I'm sticking to it, mama. Don't mess with this. Oh, I'm standing on it. It's recorded. It's recorded. It's recorded.
Candace Patrice:Standing ten toes deep in it, okay. Um, I thank you for being on this journey. I thank you for your yes when I asked about doing this podcast. Thank you. Thank you for your yes at the conference. And I think we talked about that. Okay. I was like, wow, which away went really good. Um thank you for your yes to being my mother from the beginning, from the seed and loving on me, even when it's hard. It's probably harder as an adult than it was as a kid.
Janet Hale:I don't know. I think you know what I think about that part though? What? When um children become adults, right? And they form their own opinions about things, right? And for me, learning that whatever that opinion is, and if it doesn't align with me, learning how to detach from it. Right? So that's interesting because this is a journey. This is a journey that we're doing together. Brandon is gone, your dad is gone, and that's what it is, and so it's you and I left to work through all of the things that we need to work through. Um just interesting. That time thing. So Brenda's been um gone for nine years. Your dad's been gone for how long? Since 21. Is that four? So he's been almost five.
Candace Patrice:February will be five.
Janet Hale:Oh, they both died in February. Whoa, just figured that one out.
Candace Patrice:Yeah, yes, they did. I forgot. I did know that, but I just forgot.
Janet Hale:Oh, I did.
Candace Patrice:You know what's funny? I think that they might have little spirits in these cats because Marco's dad. You know how dad likes things to be a certain way in a certain order, like even how you make the sandwich and stuff.
Janet Hale:Yes.
Candace Patrice:Well, Marco is that way. He's, you know, when he poops, smell it, clean it, make sure everything's good. He drinks out the fountain, he sits up really nice. Like that baby should have some type of uh modeling. He needs to go into cat modeling. Polo. Polo is chill. Even right now, if you can see it, he just plant, he's just a ball of love, like, but playful, fun, don't give a care about nothing. That's just so he reminds me of Brandon. And it's like having dad and Brandon in cat form because they're totally different, but they're they're both loving. They love us so much. And I'm like, wow. And I don't know, it's just a way to look at it, and I like that. I like looking at it like that. That's the new thing that came up like two days ago when I realized that. Because I just sometimes just sit and observe them, like they play, and that was a that was a good decision to adopt them. Yes, it's a really good decision.
SPEAKER_04:Yes.
Candace Patrice:Well, mother dear, I think we've got a podcast.
Janet Hale:Well, all right now.
Candace Patrice:Well, all right, all right. This is good. So not a podcast. We've got an episode.
Janet Hale:Oh, yeah, we have an episode. We do.
Candace Patrice:Uh, you guys can of course find us. Um essentialmotivation.com. Um, I wasn't prepared, clearly, for all of the things. Find us, you know, look in the show notes, guys. I didn't cried and I can't think no more, so leave me alone.
Janet Hale:I'm sure everyone appreciates your vulnerability. Um to be because you went there. Um, and it's okay to go there and not have to always be on. Just to be.
SPEAKER_00:Just to be.
Candace Patrice:I guess. I guess so. Do you have anything you want to leave with?
Janet Hale:It was good to see you in a moment of slowdown. So thank you for that gift. Not only to me, but for everybody who's listening.
Candace Patrice:Thank you. And love you guys. Always remember to love hard. Forgive often. Love frequently. We're out. Bye.
