From Police Stress To Nervous System Peace with Valerie Holden

It's Therapy Thursday

Ever feel like you’re always “on,” even when nothing is actually wrong? We sit down with former police officer turned intuitive life coach and nervous system specialist Valerie Holden to explore how constant yellow-zone living steals sleep, fuels anxiety, and quietly taxes the body. Valerie shares why calm is a skill, not a mood, and how your presence can de-escalate a room before a single word is said.

We dig into the biology behind stress—how adrenaline moves fast but cortisol lingers—and why stacking worries keeps your mind racing long after the meeting or email is over. Valerie lays out micro-practices that fit real life: emotional freedom tapping, simple figure eights around the eyes, and three quiet minutes behind a closed door. She also reframes productivity through intuition and flow. Aim for the outcome, not the exact route, and let your best channel—feeling, images, inner voice, or knowing—guide the next step. The result isn’t passivity; it’s smarter sequencing that feels lighter and gets more done.

The conversation moves from validation and self-trust to compassionate accountability. Sometimes we need perspective; sometimes we need a friend to call our bluff on procrastination. We talk about modern pressure to “keep up,” including AI. Valerie uses tools like ChatGPT to save hours, while reminding us to choose what we actually want, not what the feed celebrates. For those ready for support, she outlines a 90-day framework that blends education, practice, and personalization, with clear boundaries and referrals when medical or therapeutic care is needed.

If your body has been carrying your life on fumes, this is a humane reset. You don’t need to escape your life to feel better. You need a nervous system that can carry the life you’ve built. Subscribe, share with a friend who lives in permanent “yellow,” and leave a review with the one tool you’ll try this week.

Valerie Holden is a former police officer turned intuitive life coach and nervous system wellness specialist. She helps high-achieving, high-pressure professionals reduce stress, regain emotional balance, and feel calm and in control again. Blending practical tools with mind-body techniques, Valerie teaches simple ways to reset the nervous system so success doesn’t come at the cost of well-being.

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Website: https://valerieholden.com

Transcript

Warm Welcome And Winter Gratitude

Candace Patrice 0:05

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice. That's me. Hi, guys. And joining me today is my lovely co-host, my mother, Janet Hale, who is really pretty and radiant, guys. Like y'all, we always talk about the pearls. She got her pearls, boys. And she has on like this cream shirt and skin is glowing and her hair looks nice. And she got some lipstick on. Y'all can't see her, but I can see her. So I'm trying to set the tone and the stage for y'all to background. Has some beautiful drapes, a couch with some thrill, her uh brown colors, this painting on the wall. It is, and this mirror in the back. Give me, can I have it? No, okay, I quit.

Janet Hale 0:53

You know what? Thank you for that. Because that's exactly how I feel. Good. All the things you just said is how I feel. Well, thank you. Well, it shows it radiate. First, I was gonna get smart with you. And then the more you talk, the more I started feeling it. I was like, yes.

Candace Patrice 1:12

No, it is really nice. And then when you lean a certain way, I get to see that image of my brother in the back, and that's really cool too. There's a lot happening here, you know. A lot of great things happening back there. So thanks for showing us. Thanks for choosing this location to be our scenery to look at. Because my scenery, baby. I just want you all to know. It's just a folded, what is this? An accordion four-panel divider. That's what it is. It's a four-panel.

Janet Hale 1:45

But you know, we're all here in the same rhythm of things. Yeah. Regardless of what our background is today.

Candace Patrice 1:53

Yeah. But I'm appreciating yours today. Let me just say that. I don't look you. I don't know what I don't know what else to say. I hear you, but they can't take this appreciation away.

Janet Hale 2:04

But I'm doing good. I'm enjoying this Saturday. Um, of course, you know, I'm in the front, I have the drapes open, and I'm loving all the snow. It's so pretty. Yeah. It's just so pretty. And the sun is shining so bright. And I'm just feeling all of this.

Meet Valerie: Cop To Coach

Candace Patrice 2:19

Someone told me that um how when it's winter and it's snow out, the outside is brighter because the sun reflects off the snow. So we got all the white, and it's just really pretty. I um had to drop my daughter off for choir this morning, and it was nice to see the snow and the sun and appreciate having four seasons. I was just thinking about how we have to bundle up in the winter, but we also have the opportunity to float in water in the summer. It's so cool. And I think when we're in it, we take it for granted because it's like it's so cold, it's so cold. But there's so much beauty in it. There's so much joy in just being available. So I don't know. I just, I guess I'm full of gratitude today. So thank you for sharing that. Today we have a guest, and her name is Valerie. Valerie Holden. She's a former police officer, turned intuitive life coach and nervous system wellness specialist. She helps high-achieving, high-pressure professionals reduce stress, regain emotional balance, and feel calm and a control and in control again. Blending practical tools with mind-body techniques, Valerie teaches simple ways to reset the nervous system so success doesn't come at a cost of well-being. You were a former police officer for 20 years, correct? Yes. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Um, but first, before we even get there, how are you doing? How let's bring us up to speed on your emotions, where you're at today.

Valerie Holden 4:04

I'm doing great. One thing I want to mention is something Janet said. When you were talking about her background, the actual physical background, and Janet, you made the comment that it doesn't matter what our backgrounds are. That's just like in life. Everybody's got different backgrounds, but it's what we do with ourselves. It doesn't matter where we came from, it's what we do to move forward and create that life for ourselves. Yeah. So that was a good way to start this. But we did. All right. Now, what was your question? Okay. Um are you?

Candace Patrice 4:40

That's the first one. How are you doing?

The Power Of Calm Presence

Valerie Holden 4:43

Wonderful. And yeah, my police job sort of led me to where I am now because um after a couple years of having a job that is stressful, puts you in that state of being sort of under a little bit of stress all the time, and a lot of stress sometimes. I started taking yoga classes and different alternative healing methods and learned how to calm myself and just, you know, when you're in situations, instead of letting the emotions overtake you, you know, keep yourself level and calm. And I had um, I used to have coworkers sometimes when I would show up on a scene that was sort of tense, they said everything seemed to calm down. And I think it's because when you are calm yourself, you know, your frequency, everybody else can feel your energy. And when someone comes in when they're nervous or stressed, other people can feel it. But when someone is calm, that just resonates and helps calm everybody else down as well.

Candace Patrice 5:42

So I was um reading something that talked about basically what you said, how our state, our presence changes the atmosphere and the energy in a space, and how to combat in communication. So if filling the space with silence, allowing people to talk about what they want to talk about, allowing them to feel safe in a space when you don't over talk. And so when you talk about calm, it makes me think about that being in a space where people can just release opposed to absorb. I guess is a good way to put that. So you allow people to just release, to just release.

Valerie Holden 6:24

Yeah. So many times there's disagreement because someone isn't allowed to say what they want to say. It's so a lot of times we think, this is what I want to say, and I have to get this out, and you're not listening to what the other person says. And so many times we misunderstand what somebody's saying because we're not listening. And if we give other people the chance to say what they want, and then if we're not sure what they're saying, ask some questions. I don't I don't understand what you mean by that. Can you explain that? And there'd be so many less disagreements, so many people fighting each other all the time if we would just listen to other people, allow them to speak and listen to what they had to say, and if you're not sure, just clarify it instead of making up ideas on our own mind that this person doesn't like this or this person doesn't like me because of something that I misunderstood.

Candace Patrice 7:16

Yeah. Um, you had talked about calming, well, your website and the things you do talk about calming the nervous system. And you said something really nice. I think it's at the bottom of the website, I'm not sure, but it says something about we don't need to change our life. We need to create, let me go to it because I'm butchering it. I feel the butcher. I feel it so bad.

Speaker 4 7:42

I'm gonna have to read it up myself. I'm gonna remember what I wrote.

Candace Patrice 7:46

So it says you don't need to escape your life to feel better. You need a nervous system that can handle the life you've built. And so um, I've been talking just a lot about how some of the things that's happening with people in anxiety is that things are just moving too fast. There is so much happening. So when you talk about building your life, your nervous system around the life that you've built, how does that work? How do you go from feeling like you're doing everything that you can't keep up to balancing that nervous system?

Listening To Understand, Not To Reply

“You Don’t Need To Escape Your Life”

Valerie Holden 8:22

There's different techniques that you can use. Um one simple technique just to start when you're in a stressful situation is just taking, you know, your index finger or your two fingers there, and just start doing a figure eight around your eyes. And what's happening is, and yeah, like Janet, tapping. A lot of these things, um, just reset your nervous system when you're thinking of something that's negative, and then you have something like the figure eight or tapping on the emotional freedom tapping points, it's resetting your nervous system, it's sort of taking your mind away from that negative. And so the negative emotion is less. So it might be something, let's say something happened in your past that still is causing somebody stress. Or a lot, a lot of times it's money, financial people are in debt or whatever, and that's causing them stress when they think about it. And the more you think about it, the more negativity you get, and the more stress hormones, because our system is still like the caveman days. Our system wants us to survive no matter what's happening. So, in those caveman days, you know, you had to fight, you know, things wanted to eat you, saber-toothed tigers. You either have to run away from it or fight it, and all the stress hormones are there. So nowadays we're not fighting tigers, but that last email that came from your boss, or a deadline that you have, or your financial situation, all of those are now the tigers, and those cause the stress hormones to just flow through our system. And what happens with that too is it affects our health. You know, our blood pressure can go up, it makes our heartbeat faster, it makes our breathing faster, those physical symptoms, it can give you headaches. Mentally, your mind just keeps running and running because those hormones are there for a good reason to keep you alert, um, to keep allow you to run away if you needed to. But nowadays we don't need all of that. And so just calming it down, giving the horn the chemicals time to just release from your system, because what happens too is with the adrenaline, that can be released from your system in about 30 to 60 minutes. The cortisol that comes through and it keeps you alert, um, that can take hours. And if you start thinking of another stressful situation, before those chemicals have had time to release, you're just pile stockpiling all those chemicals in your body. And so that's always going to keep you in the state of always on alert, not being able to sleep because your mind is going, going, going. And so you need to just sit down and relax, do those little techniques, the tapping or the figure eight on your eyes. Just taking a few minutes. When I I was doing a challenge one time, it was a yoga challenge. In the beginning in the morning, we had to meditate. I went in my closet, shut the door, it was dark, and I just turned on some nice music. And for three minutes, I just sat there in silence. And that actually was a good way to start the day. Three minutes is not that long. And if you have a family, you can barely find three minutes to get away from everybody because there's chaos in your house. Go in the bathroom. They don't know what you're doing in there. And three minutes is not that long for you to be in the bathroom. And you can just sit and be quiet if you want some music, you know, put in some little earbuds, but just breathe. And what's interesting is I have a technique that I teach my clients where we have thoughts going through our head all the time, and a lot of them are negative. And instead of actually letting them affect us, I just tell them you think about it like a cloud. That thought is just sort of a cloud coming into your horizon. It just wants to be acknowledged, and you just let it go. Another thought comes in, you just okay, I see you, or that's a fear, or that's a stressful situation is describing, and let it go. And so I teach that. But what was interesting when I started doing that little three-minute meditation, I wasn't consciously doing that, but I was just sort of noticing what was coming through and answers to things that I was trying to solve, whether it was for my business or for a personal situation. All of a sudden I started getting the answers to the questions that I had. It was because I wasn't stressing out about it. I was just sort of curious about what was going on in my mind. And it was amazing. So just taking those few minutes to just sit down, not have not worrying about anything, and just breathing, and you don't even have to do any kind of special breathing technique. Just breathe and just notice what's happening. Notice what's going on in your body, just relax it and just see what's happening in your mind. And you might you can set an attention ahead of time. I'd like an answer to whatever it is, and then just notice what comes through. And that's like divine guidance. It's our download from heaven, download from spirit that guides us. Well, because we are being guided, it's just we don't always listen. We go off on our own little path, and that's when we get ourselves in trouble.

Candace Patrice 13:49

Yeah, yeah. So when did you notice that your nervous system was off? So we like to, you know, we want the listeners to understand we're real people who have been through real things. We have experience in these situations, and it's not something we're saying, hey, just go try this. I think it'll work. Um, we're saying this is something that I've done. So can you walk us through a little bit from when you noticed your nervous system was out of whack and when you knew there needed to be a shift, and what your guide was into that shift, how you actually got started. I know you talked about the yoga, but just that whole mental part and feeling it and knowing something has to change. What did that look like for you?

Valerie Holden 14:36

Well, part of it was um, I would think about things from work when I wasn't working, and um your mind is just always going, it can't sleep. For me, I think I wasn't so much that I noticed that I needed it because it was just my normal everyday life. But it was after I started using the techniques, I noticed the difference between where I was and where I am now, and then getting the feedback from other people of how things had changed after I started doing that. That was really where I noticed it. And so we don't always know that we're in a stressful situation, we don't always know that we need the help. But just a few examples of what can be going on with somebody is digestive problems. Health-wise, when I went back to the caveman days, I mean, if you have to run away from something, your body is telling it you don't need to digest your food right now because you need all your blood and all everything going to your muscles so you can run or you can fight. And so you've got all that food sitting there and you start getting bloating or you know, irital bowel syndrome, symptoms, maybe not the full-blown thing, but um stuff like that happens, or you start getting high blood pressure just because you always have those chemicals in your body. There's did you want to say something, Janet, or were you just a green?

Janet Hale 16:06

I'm gonna wait, just let you know I'm sure.

Stress Chemistry And Health Costs

Valerie Holden 16:08

Um, let me just real quick, and then um there's three zones that we go through. I call them green, yellow, and red. And green is just when there's no stress, everybody's happy or social, joking around, things are fun. Yellow is when you sort of have to be aware of what's going on. And I relate it to my police job as green, you know, our meeting before we go to work, everybody's laughing and stuff, don't have to worry about anything. Once I got in that car, I have to be on alert. I'm looking for things that I need to help with. I'm looking for people breaking the law, looking just for stuff. I'm always looking around. And then everything hits the fan, and that's when you get to red. That's what all those chemicals are in your system. And most of us go around in the yellow zone all the time. So there's always some sort of hormone, some sort of chemicals in our system. And that's when we just need to take time. Again, let the let them be relieved from our system so we can get back into the green.

Janet Hale 17:11

Wow, there were a couple things I have for you with you being a former police officer and transitioning over. How do you convince, or do you even try to convince folks who have seen you in a particular light as a police officer? And if you're going to a system in your new endeavor, are do you have to go through a transition of trying to convince folks? Do they believe it? Are they skeptical? Or do you go to a whole different um group of people?

Valerie Holden 17:49

Yeah, I've been um well, I retired in 2014, so I've been doing this for 12 years now. When I retired, I started a hypnosis business. And so it's funny because people that know me, people that meet me and don't know my background would never know I was a police officer. Even when I was, people didn't believe it. Just because my personality is not hardcore. When I was on the job, oh yeah, you better believe it. If I needed to, I can yell at people and jump on him if I had to, you know, get on the ground. Let's handcuff you. But um, yeah, I think I have a calm presence, so I don't really have to convince anybody. And I thought, you know, I want to, I'm some I think and I think again, people can feel that. It's like, and I can, it's like I can sort of sound weird. I can get into people's souls sometimes. I can see somebody needs a hug, and I know it, and I'll go and hug them.

Janet Hale 18:43

Um and so yeah, doesn't need and you were you were um talking about the being nervous and the the the the green, the yellow and the red. And um, but I was thinking about something when you were talking because I'm at home, you know, I live alone. And there are days that I'm just you know, my routine is my routine, is what I do. But the other day, I was in the house and I was getting ready for work and I put on my music on the you know who thing, and I'm listening to, you know, I'm getting the shower and I'm taking an extra long shower. Just I just needed needed that, right? And then when I did it, and I was just moving around and getting on I threw my towel on the floor. This was big stuff for me, you guys. Like it's staying on the floor until I get back, but it was some freedom in that because I don't need to follow a routine today. I I'm just gonna relax in what's happening right now. Nothing has to be perfect. It just has to be, I just have to be. Just that piece. The other thing I thought about, and I don't know if we need to cut this, but I had um in the restroom, right? Take a minute, and then something said relax miracle is all I'm gonna say about that. And when I no, this is so sick. When you said that, I thought about the nervous system. Yeah, no, really. And I also thought about when animals go and do their business, they're not, uh uh, they're just right, and so for me, and I normally do that by the way, but this particular day, I think it was this morning, it might it was this morning. I was like, I was I said, I'm not supposed to work this hard. Oh, relax this thing, Janet. When I it was that's what I needed to say. But when you talk about the nervous system, I think it all of that matters.

Valerie Holden 21:05

Well, yeah, because we think, oh no, I have to do this, and then all of a sudden our muscles tense up because I don't want to.

Candace Patrice 21:12

And you know, I you were talking about um the gut though, and it made me think about whenever I get nervous, my I gotta go poop. Like, I don't know what that is, but it's like this nervousness, and it just manifests in poop, and I'm like, oh my god, I gotta go to the bathroom. Like, I'm freaking out, y'all.

Three-Minute Resets And Micro-Practices

Valerie Holden 21:36

No, that's exact that's exactly right. Because um, so many times, you know, if you have to give a speech in front of a group or something nervous is coming up, how many people have issues in their stomach? I mean, I it's like I have to go pee. Because it's just so that goes back to we only our body doesn't need that right now. Our body doesn't need the food. Fluid in it. Our body doesn't need that extra stuff because we have to concentrate on whatever it we have to concentrate on survival. Doesn't matter that we have this in our body right now. Let's release it so we don't have to worry about it.

Candace Patrice 22:10

You spoke. Oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Valerie Holden 22:13

No, that's it.

Candace Patrice 22:14

You were speaking about the universe, about God directing our steps, our path. Um, but we were talking about just moving fast as well. And I will say that I have found that the more I listen to the universe, to God, to spirit, to all of the things, gut intuition, the better things feel when they're getting done, which might mean I have to put something off. Because if it's like with your body, mom, if it's too hard to do, it must not be the time to get it done. And that's hard because there are times when it's like, I want to get this done early. I want to get this done before the deadline. However, it flows a little better sometimes when I just allow myself to do a different task at that time. Because when it all turns out, the order in which it was done seems to be the order in which it was supposed to be done in the way that was easiest to do it, if that makes any sense at all. Does that make sense? So, like for instance, if today I'm like, I'm gonna clean my house today. Today is the day. I just said I'm gonna do it. But for some reason, it's just extremely difficult. I'm like, I just I can't get up. But I'm able to, let's say, do some marketing things, right? Let's say I go and do some Canva um post or create an event and have some thoughts around that, I'll get that done. And then the next day, full of energy for the home. Like I can get it all done. There's no struggle. And then everything has gotten done. It's just that when I wanted to do it in my timing, the way I wanted to do it, it wasn't flowing. But when I allowed it to flow, and I still kept doing things. It wasn't like I was like, okay, now I'm just gonna sit here. Things are still good and done. They're just getting done in a way that feels good. And so when you talked about that, made me think about how we when we talk about trusting our intuition, trusting those things. So everything's gonna happen the way it's supposed to. We just allow it to. And that's what sounds like it could be a nervous system thing, like to calm that nervous system down.

Valerie Holden 24:20

Well, and that's why too, like when you're manifesting, you're not manifesting how you're gonna do it. You manifest the end result. Yeah. So for you, you end result, you needed to do this and you needed to do this, and you just listened to your body and you did it in the proper order. And that's um one reason why I teach uh my clients intuition and you know, the five different ways that we receive the intuition, and what is the way that you receive it best? Do you you know are you visualize, you hear things, do you see things, um, do you feel things? And then once you know the way that you receive the information, then pay attention to that. And it's be a good guide.

Candace Patrice 25:01

Um what do you say to people who look for their answers in other people? So what I mean, you know, asking the questions like, okay, well, how do I go about this? And they have an idea, but they're looking for validation in someone else. What would be your critique or response or suggestions to that?

Signs Your System Is Stuck In “Yellow”

Valerie Holden 25:27

Sometimes other people do have the right answers if we're led to the right people. Um so we can't always discount what other people say, but if someone is always sometimes that is lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem. It's like I'm I don't have confidence in my own ability. And so that's that's again a stressful thing. Is it stress that causes them the lack of confidence, or is a lack of confidence that's not causing them stress? So once they're able to calm themselves and have the faith in themselves and again connect with spirit, ask the universe, you know, I need an answer for this. And now do I need to get that answer from somebody else? Am I gonna get that download from the universe? Um, just be open, but working on their self-confidence so they don't always have to have somebody else giving the yes, you're doing it right, or no, you're not, you should do this instead. Because somebody else's version of what you need to do isn't necessarily the right thing for you. So it's that action too.

Janet Hale 26:34

So Candice, is your question what is I'm I'm gonna understand the are you asking what do you how do you handle someone like that? What is the question?

Speaker 4 26:44

Is that I misunderstanding?

Candace Patrice 26:45

No, I I think it was I was just asking what would be the the suggestion for someone who is like that. And she answered it, you know, it's the universe is gonna let you know if that person's that person needs to give you the advice or who the person is to give advice if a person is needing to give you the advice, um, not necessarily seeking validation. That was the response I heard. Is that correct?

Janet Hale 27:09

No, I was I was trying to understand. No, no, I was figuring out for when you were talking. No, no, I was like, okay, because I may have worded it kind of funny. No, you probably worded it just fine. I'm you know, I'm still your mom, I'm still Janet. It can still happen in the world. You know what's funny?

Candace Patrice 27:25

Uh uh do that to Kamari and she'll say something. I'll be like, I'm sorry, I I I don't understand the question. She'd be like, never mind, just never mind.

Janet Hale 27:34

Yeah, because when I was listening to that, listening to the conversation, the question to answer, and I thought about in in times when I was unsure, and how I don't know that there's anything that anyone could have done except like Valerie said. So and sometimes have supportive people that you know, you just my my um circle kind of changes to the support of folks who are like, okay, Janet, uh-huh, and then give me a something to help me be independent. But even more than that for me, it uh took it took and it takes. Sometimes just being quiet, being still, and realizing that no one's going to save me. No one's coming to save me, no one's gonna have the true answer but me, ultimately, right? So, anyway, that was a thought that I had. Maybe I wouldn't. No, no, no.

Candace Patrice 28:45

I think that that actually is probably when you know how people like his levels to this. That's one of those things. Early on, before you begin to trust yourself, you look for validation out and you you get the responses. Um, and as you I at least this is my interpretation, um, in my perspective, as you grow and trust yourself, the responses that come from people opposed to being validation become considerations into what you know is right for you. Is it a different perspective, um, the way someone else may have looked at it that you didn't take into consideration to give you the greatest answer, the greatest outcome that the universe is telling you about in the first place. So sometimes someone else can give you the answer for your no, if that makes any sense. Because now it's like, huh, I hadn't considered that. Thanks, totally not gonna do that. You know, so I don't know, just yeah.

Confidence, Validation, And Intuition

Valerie Holden 29:49

Sometimes, though, now just to add to that, sometimes we're procrastinating. We know what we need to be doing, and we just don't. Oh, I'm I'm gonna go watch a movie on TV instead of going in my office and doing my marketing. So sometimes you do need that friend or somebody that's gonna be kicking you in the butt. Yeah. You say you want to do this, but you're not, so you have to have somebody that's gonna call you on your crap. If you, you know, I you say you want to do this and you say you want to be successful in this area, but this isn't what you're doing. And so if you don't have that other person to sort of, hey, hey, this is you know, are you sure you want it? Because that's one thing too. If if you're not following through, then is it something that you really want and maybe change what you're thinking you needed to do or wanted to do?

Candace Patrice 30:43

Um, yeah. I have a friend who I talk to. And when I talk to her every time, I feel like I have to go do something. I don't know what I gotta go do, but I gotta go do something because you're putting something in me that says go, go, go. And it's not necessarily what to do, but it's to get it done. It's that I don't know, I wouldn't say accountability because that's not what they're trying to do. That's not their goal, but it happens. So I think being in relation with people who can encourage you is important, um, who can listen without judgment and hear and enhance your vision. So maybe even, I don't know, do you take the vision to someone and let them hear it so they can enhance it? I don't know, right? Like I've got all of these things in my head now.

Valerie Holden 31:39

Well, and so many times too. It's like um you have an idea of where you want to go in life, but all of a sudden things take a different path. And so, in a way, it's just sort of following that. Because instead of being um closed-minded, and this is what I want to do, maybe that's what you're not, maybe that's not necessarily what you're supposed to do. But you start on this path and then you're guided in a different way. And that was way off topic from what you just said, but uh popped into my head. So, okay, I want to squirrel. Okay, there's a butterfly.

Candace Patrice 32:11

We're gonna call this the pop into my head podcast. I mean, but that is what happens. This is how it works. How do you feel about keeping up with the Joneses? So we're in 2026. Keeping up with the Joneses is at this point learning AI, right? Learning how to make the things work with AI. Learning new technology. And it's not one platform. There's like so many platforms to do these things for whatever it is, especially as um a business owner. Now it's like you can make your business grow faster, way faster if you do X, Y, and Z. So then that, at least for me, sometimes that's like, okay, well, how do I learn this in enough time and then still do all the things that I'm trying to do? Um but today I heard or felt that I was operating in the correct pace in which I'm supposed to. So what would be your response to keeping up with the Joneses?

Valerie Holden 33:16

Well, since you meant brought up AI, I think it's really helpful, especially for business. Um, China and I were talking about that a little bit. Um I use Chat GPT and it's gotten to know me. So for my business, if I'm trying to put together maybe um like a little newsletter, an article for a newsletter, or a post for social media, it helps me out with that. Now, yes, I have to correct it many times. It's you can't take it for exactly what it says. It's like I told you to do this, and this is not what you did. Slap it sometimes. But it is very helpful. So for business, something that would take me hours to do, it will do in a few seconds. So it's very helpful that way. And even just yesterday, I I don't know if you guys know OneDrive, it's the cloud that somehow got on my computer. And I don't want somehow it linked into my personal laptop with a business computer. And it's like, I don't want that, especially someone else is gonna be taking this over shortly, and I don't want that. So I had to disconnect the OneDrive. And ChatGPT actually taught talked me through everything I needed, and I got it done in about an hour instead of having to send this out or have a computer guy come in and undo it. And it was so helpful. I wonder what's gonna happen down the road. You know, I don't want computers taking over the world, like whatever, uh the Borg. But uh but I think they're really helpful right now. They just we just sort of have to have control over them. But keeping up with the Joneses, um, if you mean like here's my neighbors, and they have all they have a boat and they have this and they have all of that, and they're always bragging about everything they had. I don't know that that's necessarily true. What's in your heart? If you want to go on a boat, go with them for a day in the boat. Or go rent one for a day. You know, I used to think I wanted all this stuff. I still would like to have. Um, I used to I've had a house with a pool and we moved, and now it's a community pool. Um, so I would like to have a house sometime with my own private pool again, so I can just lay out in the backyard or float around or do laughs in my pool without kids running around or whatever. But um, you know, I have my dream, but I don't have to have it. It's something that I would like to have. And, you know, it's that I can manifest it. I can sit here, I can dream of the house I want, and somehow maybe it'll be an Airbnb that I go to for a month or something, or whatever. But you know, what is it that you really want? What is it that you really need? And don't worry about what other people have. Let them do their life and you do you.

Accountability Versus Procrastination

Candace Patrice 35:57

So, how do so someone who wants to work with you, where do they go to find you? Um, do you do in person and online or just in person or just online? What does it look like to work with you?

Valerie Holden 36:14

Mostly it's online, but I am starting to work at a local gym, but I can work with anybody anywhere. Um, because even even if it's something that I have somebody doing physically, um we're on Zoom, you know, if I need to um demonstrate, we're right there. But I'm gonna start teaching some classes locally. I'm in St. George, Utah. But um I love doing it online, and the easiest way to connect with me is just to um go to my website, valeryholden.com, and there's a link on there where they can schedule a call with me, just a half hour nervous system reset review, and I'll see what um what's going on with you right now, what's going on in your life, what's causing you the stress, and then figure out what do you need to fix that? What's the first step you need to get you back on track?

Candace Patrice 37:03

Is there a set number of sessions, or is it like you come and you do one? If you want to come the next time, you come back. How does that work? Is it packages?

Valerie Holden 37:12

It's a package because doing an exercise one time, how many years have you had that stress? And so doing one exercise one time, it might calm you at that very moment, but until you get to the underlying cause, and sometimes it's getting into your subconscious because um with a hypnosis that I was doing, sometimes I'll do that with a client still. The stress may be caused by something that happened years and years ago, and until you deal with that and not let it affect you anymore, or um, like we were talking about earlier, with just calming down the nervous system until we calm that down and don't let it trigger you, you're still gonna have that going on. So usually three months, like a set of you know, 90 days is usually the program that we start with.

Candace Patrice 38:00

How many times do you meet in 90 days?

Valerie Holden 38:03

Uh right now it's like um we'll do, and I sort of set this up too, because I deal with professionals, so usually they're in high-pressure situations, they don't have a time to spend every week for 12 weeks. So we start once a week for four weeks. So we get the basics, we figure out where you are, get the basics, and you start using the different techniques and see what works for you. Because every technique that I give you isn't something that you may like. So, what works better for you? What do you like to do? Could be something as simple as going for a walk around the block and just looking at nature. Or it could be okay, go in your bathroom to get away from the kids and breathe for three minutes. Um, so it just depends. And then after that, we go for every other week, and that allows you to um get on your own. Because I'm here as your guide and a mentor, but you also need to practice on your own too, to get that familiar and get it the way you want it to be. So I'm not I'm not gonna be here all the time. My clients have access to me either through like Marco Polo or texting, but I'm not here every minute of the day with you to help you, even though I'd like to be sometimes, but that's that's not um logical. That's logical is not the word I was thinking of, but um gotcha. Yeah, that's not reality. I can't be there with you all the time. Ma, you had a question?

Janet Hale 39:31

I do. Um the nervous system. I'm thinking about medications, right? When people are on medication for anxiety and uh depression and all that. Are you finding folks coming to you that want to stop taking medication and come from a more holistic approach?

Flow Over Forcing And Manifesting

Valerie Holden 39:50

Yes, definitely. And I am not a therapist or counselor in that way. I'm not a PhD through psychology, and I'm also not a medical doctor. So anything that I do with a client is not therapy, it's not medical guidance. Um, I believe still we need to go to medical professionals. If somebody has some mental issues going on that's more than just stress related, they need to see a counselor or a therapist for that. So I refer people out sometimes too if they need that. That's why I always have a phone call with people before I ever start working with them, because we might be a great fit, or it could be that what I have to offer is what you need, but somehow our personalities, you might not like me. But I have a friend that does something similar, and I can refer you because you're a perfect fit for that person. And so, and that's why I feel there's no competition, no matter what field you're in, um, because some people are gonna resonate with some and some people are gonna resonate with others. And there's more than enough business, there's more than enough love, there's more than enough everything for everybody. You just gotta find your people and find who you resonate with to get the help and find the people that you resonate with to be your friends and those ones that you know are gonna keep you on track when you need to be. That little kick you in the butt friend.

Candace Patrice 41:15

A little motivating encouragement friend. Are you doing this full time now?

Valerie Holden 41:21

I will be shortly. My husband and I have another business, which soon we will be out of that, and I can concentrate full-time on this. That's my ultimate dream.

Candace Patrice 41:31

How have what have you noticed, or what is the difference in your being from being a police officer to doing this mostly full-time?

Valerie Holden 41:43

It's interesting because as a police officer, when I was working in my job, I had this persona. But away from that, I started doing Reiki with people like 25, almost 30 years ago. So I had my police job, and then on the days when I wasn't working there, I was doing this after I started learning all these things. So it was all it's almost like I had two personalities, which is interesting. I'm not a Gemini, so there's not a two, I'm a Sagittarius, so I'm about to. But it is like almost two personalities. It's like go, go, go, and then oh, this is I need to be calm. And so it's really interesting because the Sagittarius has that fire spirit, but then I still love the calming.

Keeping Up With The Joneses And AI

Candace Patrice 42:29

I love water, so I yeah, I heard you talk about floating and in that pool. So you've been doing the work for at least 25 years. Yeah. Nice, nice, and now uh so how long have you been working with clients? Well, 25 years technically with Reiki. Yeah, yeah. Really after I learned Reiki, yeah. Oh, that was funny. That's okay. You knew already. Um that actually brings me back to, I wanted to say this earlier. You were talking about people um not understanding others. And I remember I was pledging Diva Incorporated, Divine Intelligent Versalder Artist Society for Women in the Arts. Um, and I remember the leader of our line. Um she told me I was she was talking, and I guess I waited. And then I said something. She said, she was Jamaican. She said, Candace, or did she call me Cospa? Cospa, you you you always listen for when you can talk. You never listen to understand. And I was like, uh. She was like, you need to listen for understanding. And I was like, okay, and this was in 2009, and I never forgot it because I didn't realize I wasn't listening. I thought I was, but I had already had this pre thing in my head, and I'm just waiting for my entrance. I'm like, all right, when you're done talking, because I got Something to say. Meanwhile, I haven't listened to the I probably had an answer. I wasn't listening. But the funny thing is, I noticed that with my daughter yesterday. We were doing something, and I want to say it was homework. And she constantly is distracted. She's looking around. I'm like, focus, focus, focus. And I said something to her. And I was like, Did you hear me? She's like, Yeah. I asked her to repeat it. And she couldn't. And I was like, I said, ha. I see what's happening. And I kind of understand what's happening in school then. Because if you're not listening for the direction you're saying I hear you, but you're not, you know, comprehending what to do, then you're not getting it done. And then it looks a certain kind of way. And I witnessed it. I'm like, literally, I said it, you said okay. And then when I it was time to regurgitate it, it was like you had no idea what had happened. And so now I realize I have to shift a little bit of my teachings and um kind of retrain the brain to actually take it in, especially knowing noticing it was me. Like I am her. I've been there. It was 2009 when I really realized if I'm able to try to train that brain a little bit more for listening and understanding to produce what's being said, you know, the outcome. Hopefully, maybe fingers crossed, that's just today. Um, we're gonna try something and see how it works. And if that don't work, we're gonna try something else. But I'm I'm seeing what's happening um at a young at with her at a younger age. So, you know, that's just something I wanted to go back to because when you said it, I was like, wow, that understand listening for understanding.

Valerie Holden 45:43

No, yeah, but you you got it right, because uh what was it? Um so many times we are thinking about what we want to say to the other person, and we're not listening to them. That's why you can hear it, but listening is actually comprehending what they're saying. And somebody one time used to go, that's why we have two ears and one mouth, because we're supposed to be listening instead of talking.

Speaker 4 46:04

Yeah.

Janet Hale 46:05

When I was listening to you, Candace, I thought about how you know, me and the computer is a whole thing. Like I have one, but some days, what do we know? And um sometimes, you know, Candace would help me with things, and the adult child in me didn't want her to know that I didn't really get it. Like, mm-hmm. And she would do this, Mom, did you, did you, um, did you get that? No, not really. So when I hear you talking about with Kamari, it's interesting because when we have interacted and you were teaching me, and when I would do what Kamari did, oh, I got it. And you look like you didn't get that. So I know that you have it in you because you've done it with me.

Candace Patrice 46:57

Yeah, and you know, I'll be honest, I guess it was something to pay attention to with her just because of some of the feedback from school. So it's like finding, I'm like, what? So one of the things I'll just share is when it's time to turn in work, she'll do the work and put it in her desk opposed to turn it in. But the teacher is telling me, I asked for everything from the whole class and I just didn't get it. And so whatever happened yesterday, I'm like, you're just not paying attention or focusing enough to say, to listen. I don't know what's happening, but it was the same experience that the teacher was having that I had. So I'm like, okay, something, something, and I saw it. And so that's all. Not with you, but I'm just with you.

Janet Hale 47:48

Okay.

Candace Patrice 47:48

I think it's something I already know about you, too. So it wasn't something I had to learn or see. I know you don't get technology at all.

Janet Hale 47:56

Not only that, but I'm just thinking about other things like we do share a life, right? And I'm thinking about, especially when I was having a difficult time with something. And I was like, and then I said, Oh, I'm talking to you in a way, I just don't. And you said, Mama, are you letting no? You said, Mama, it sounds like you're letting your past experience affect this one. Do you remember? No, but that sounds sounds like oh, but you did. And so when I'm I'm just saying, when I'm listening to you interacting with Kamari with the things that are going on with her, um, I just know it's in you. I know you have it. I know, I know you have it.

Candace Patrice 48:40

I don't know what it is you're saying I have. I'm sorry.

Janet Hale 48:44

You I think it's empathy, compassion, understanding, um, being able to read people, being able to read her.

Speaker 4 48:53

Yeah.

How To Work With Valerie

Janet Hale 48:53

Right? Because that's what you've done. You know, when you and I are, you know, yeah, whatever. You've you've learned like this is mama, and uh, you know, mama and this computer, remember that time you left me? Oh. And you were helping me and you left me, and I said, Where's she going? I said, She must have had enough. But anyway.

Candace Patrice 49:09

Oh, but this wasn't the time I went to Burlington and went shopping and then came back. Yeah, that was. Oh, I had to get some things done. That's all.

Janet Hale 49:15

Yeah. So when I hear you talking about the um with whatever's going on with the camari and everything, um, I just have faith that it's in your hand.

Candace Patrice 49:25

You know, I will say this there are different areas of understanding, and I'm able, I've been able to pinpoint other areas, and now this is I'm aware of this particular area.

Janet Hale 49:37

Well, Kamari probably needs to spend time with her grandmother.

Candace Patrice 49:40

Well, what day you want her? What?

Janet Hale 49:41

Call her.

Candace Patrice 49:42

You know.

Janet Hale 49:44

I walked into that one.

Speaker 4 49:48

You can get her more often than you want.

unknown 49:51

Come on, Valerie.

Speaker 49:52

Come in, Valerie.

Speaker 4 49:53

Okay, time out.

Candace Patrice 49:59

Just not this weekend, it's Super Bowl weekend. You get a break this week.

Speaker 50:06

That's not a break.

Candace Patrice 50:08

But um, are there we're gonna have to wrap up? Oh my god. Oh, but Valerie, is there anything else you want to share with our listeners? Anything you want them to know? Anything you need us to know, um, any teachings you need to give at the end of this, real quick, like bada boom, bada bing, bada bang?

Valerie Holden 50:29

Just like when there are stressful situations, when you feel that, there's ways to fix it. You're not stuck in that situation. So just get the help from somebody when you're trying to do something by yourself, trying to fix something, air quotes here, fixing things. We can't always do it by ourselves. So reach out to somebody, whether it's me or somebody else, but get the help with that because the stress will kill you, and there's ways to overcome it. So you can do it.

Candace Patrice 50:59

And if you're stressed and don't want to die from stress, you can always call the national suicide prevention. Like my that was a horrible segue. It wasn't going that way. Horrible segue, but I heard death and I heard things. I was like, perfect. Um, but you can call 988 or text 988 seven days a week, 24 hours a day. Um, so with that, anything from you, mom, that you want to give?

Janet Hale 51:25

Oh, enjoyed, enjoyed it. It was great. Valerie, it's really nice meeting you. This was fun.

Candace Patrice 51:30

Yeah, well, thank you guys so much. Thank you to our listeners. Um, as Valerie said, if find someone who can help you navigate this life, who can help with that nervous system and calm it to help you work around the life you've built, like Valerie said. Uh, we can manage things, put them in boxes, organize. I'm finding that organization is really key to keeping some things together. Um, I'm also finding that keeping your area decluttered is a way to feel less of the things, the high things, the things that make you go crazy. I don't know. When it feels like it's too much. Sometimes just sitting in a space that is clean and decluttered is really nice. That's a new thing for me. Not that, anywho, I'm not gonna explain it, but that's nice. So just remembering that, guys. And we always leave you with love hard, forgive often, and laugh frequent. Thanks, guys.

unknown 52:42

Bye.

Candace Patrice 52:43

Bye bye.