How Spiritual Practice Turns Insight Into Real-Life Change with Blaise Kennedy

What if the real reason change doesn’t stick is because we’re building on a shaky inner foundation? We sit down with Blaise, a guide who helps growth‑oriented seekers turn spiritual insight into embodied change, to map a path from self-connection to stronger relationships and practical follow-through. His story is raw and hopeful: early derailments, a wake-up into presence, and the steady work of aligning words, energy, and action so people can actually trust us.

Together we trace a developmental blueprint for healing that starts at the ground level: safety and rest through co-regulation, the skill of naming needs, the emergence of will and boundaries, and the heart’s capacity to care for self and others. If you missed a “floor,” adult life exposes the gap—conflict in intimacy, people-pleasing, or the sense of being left out of your own care. Blaise shows how to renovate without shame. Feelings aren’t commands, but they are truthful data; when we let energy move, we stop fighting ourselves and can include both facts and feelings in the moment.

We also dig into how real teaching begins with listening. In Blaise’s groups, everyone practices presence—not just the facilitator. Structure matters so safety scales, and permission becomes embodied when anger or grief is met with respect instead of punishment. He nods to formative influences—Adyashanti’s clarity in meditation and Thomas Hübl’s relational attunement—while offering accessible ways to start: free live meditations, principle-centered practices, and simple pauses like “Why am I talking?” for more honest conversations.

Underneath it all is a grounded optimism. Access to healing resources is expanding, and more people are choosing a light-based mindset that acknowledges pain without being defined by it. If you’ve felt “aware” but stuck, this conversation offers a map and the encouragement to take your next step. Subscribe, share this with a friend who’s doing the work, and leave a review telling us which part you’ll practice this week.

Blaise helps growth-oriented seekers turn spiritual insight into embodied change and healthier relationships. He brings grounded frameworks for people who feel stuck between awareness and real-life follow-through.

https://www.blaisekennedy.com/

https://youtube.com/@blaisehere?si=bmFBPkV0p0T1lKn3

Transcript

Warm Welcome And Time Change Banter

Candace Patrice 0:07

Welcome back to another episode of Essential Mental Healing, where I am your host, Candace Patrice, and joining me is my lovely co-host, Janet Hale. Hi, mommy.

Janet Hale 0:19

Hello, hello, hello.

Candace Patrice 0:20

How are you doing today?

Janet Hale 0:22

I'm okay. It's a good uh Saturday. It's I think it's warm outside. I haven't been out there yet.

Candace Patrice 0:28

It's supposed to be warm this weekend as the temperatures are rising. And did we spring forward already? Did that happen today?

Janet Hale 0:36

I think it's Sunday, right?

Candace Patrice 0:37

So it goes into tomorrow?

Janet Hale 0:39

I don't know.

Introducing Blaise And His Work

Candace Patrice 0:40

Okay. Um, I don't either. I have to check a actual. One of the good things about a um a non-digital clock is that you can actually check and say, huh, oh yeah, that didn't happen yet. Or that did happen because things are off. I'm so confused. Everything auto updates, I don't know. Yeah, all of yep, 111 is what I got. Um, but I'm I'm really excited um to bring on our guest. And I think I'm really excited because this is kind of a phase I'm in in my life right now. Um, so having someone to talk to a body who's on the journey and been on it. And and I'll share a lot more too, because there's a book I'm reading, everything. But our guest is Blaise. I'm so excited to introduce Blaise. Blaze helps growth-oriented seekers turn spiritual insight into embodied change and healthier relationships. He brings grounded frameworks for people who feel stuck between awareness and real life follow-through. Um Blaise. So I am so much I want to say just so fast. But first, how are you?

Blaise Kennedy 1:52

I'm uh I'm doing well. I'm I'm very happy to be here. It's also a very slow, casual Saturday morning for me on the West Coast, and I'm uh just enjoying the vibe here with you and your mom.

Candace Patrice 2:06

Blaze, have you do you know who Stephen Covey is?

Blaise Kennedy 2:10

I do. Uh not well, not well, but uh I do know Stephen Covey by name.

Candace Patrice 2:16

Mm-hmm. Um I'm reading his book, The Eighth Habit. So I read his first book, The Seven Principles, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Um, really good book. I think it kind of started change for me for the conscious, subconscious area. And so right now I'm reading the F eighth habit and it's reinforcing the seventh. Um, I'm still not sure what the eighth one is. I think it's spiritual intelligence, but I'm not, I I gotta look at what it actually is because you know they recap and you're hearing a bunch of things and how to process things. So um, that's something I'm reading. And as we're having you right now, who has been through um an awareness, a self-awareness, I would like to say, would you share your story with us um on your self-awareness journey, where it started, where it was before, and where you are now?

Blaise Kennedy 3:11

Yeah, great. I'll uh I'll piggyback off of your your framework. The uh habits for highly effective people. Uh let's say spiritual intelligence is the eighth. I messed up the first seven really bad, whatever they are. I, you know, I really wanted to be excellent. I wanted to at everything I did when I was a kid, and somehow it just never came together. It was like everything I did sort of just fell apart. Um, and I had a I had a lot of challenges, but I didn't, I didn't sort of put it together that you know what the problem was. I just sort of thought there was something wrong with me. Uh, and I had um, you know, basically the story of my life was like everyone would say, Blazer, you know, you have a lot of potential. Like, what's wrong with you? That was the kind of cloud or question I grew up in. And it persisted for a long time until I was in my 20s. Uh, I had even bigger problems at the beginning of my twenties. I got in a lot of trouble. And that's when uh this sort of eighth skill of turning towards spirituality and using your sort of presence to develop self-awareness kind of came online for me. Uh, and basically it helped me solve all the other problems in my life. So uh I, you know, that's my stories. I had a lot of problems, I wasn't able to make changes. Uh, I learned about being present and I turned towards spirituality, and I've been trying to catch up to being an adult and and ultimately turned towards what really interests me uh in this life and been feeling very empowered uh since my since I was about 24 and uh here to share in all parts of that with you.

Candace Patrice 4:58

Do you think that starting with spiritual habit um allowed you to reinforce reinforce the first seven, even though we don't know what they are right now? We're just ideating. Um but in consciousness and what you may think the other seven are. Do you think that you've been that that eighth one has allowed you to root in other principles?

Why Connection To Self Comes First

Blaise Kennedy 5:22

Absolutely. So my my mom used to try to get me to do all kinds of good things and good ideas. She bought me notebooks and calendars, and you know, why don't you, you know, do what other people who are successful do? And none of that really stuck. And what I realized, sort of the eighth principle, very basically, is that I wasn't actually connected to myself. And no one ever taught that to me in my culture, that that was a pursuit or important in any way. It was very outward-focused or behavior-focused on what you do. And I never, no one ever directed my attention inward. And when I realized this, I realized, of course, how could I possibly be successful if I'm not actually connected to myself? And so I kind of developed this model of I think everything will work out if I'm just more connected to myself. I think that's really been the problem. It's not that there's something wrong with me. It's actually that through my life experiences, I'm not really grounded in myself. I don't know who I am. I don't really know what I feel, I don't really know what motivates me. And, you know, I began to have a path towards that. And I very much saw actually, you know, essentially, I am a good person. I do care. I have a purpose. I want to live a good life. It's not that there's something wrong with me, it's just that I don't have access to those parts of myself. And it's more important to gain access to those parts of myself than it is to, you know, try to come up with another strategy of how to be a better than I am. And so I just really kind of dug into that.

Learn Do Teach: Principles Over Tactics

Candace Patrice 6:59

One of the things that I heard in the book that I was reading is that our we sh, and I'm paraphrasing because I don't remember verbatim, but we go through life and we learn about ourselves, and we have to implement these things that we learn. And once we learn them, we're supposed to go and teach people how to find their own way. So it's taking is the best way to learn is to teach. The best way to teach is to do. So once you learn and do, you teach, and it becomes this reciprocal um factor, this reciprocal learning, this reciprocal giving, even because to give knowledge and wisdom is a gift in itself. Um, it's very valuable. So, what you're doing, at least to me, in my perception, I think is very valuable on teaching others just your journey, how you got there. Because one of the things about the show in itself is people have different ways of getting to their greater self, to their mental healing. And people have found their way in different ways, no matter what that is, whether it was therapy, coaching, um, reading books, going to church, uh, meditating, whatever that looks like. But one of the through lines that I'm finding, especially in this season, is that it all starts with self. Everyone has been on this journey for figuring out, figuring out who they are and grounding themselves in their self to go back and teach these principles, which then bring me to principles in itself, not things. What is your take on living life through principles?

Blaise Kennedy 8:47

Well, I love your frame and your question and what you describe as this process of like you you learn something, you discover something in yourself, and then from that you teach this is my this is my life. And I I you could break my journey down into really being a full-time student for, I don't know, 10 years or something like that. And then this and then knowing like someday I will teach this. This is actually gonna be my profession, this is what I'm gonna do is work in the world. And when I started to teach, I was really shocked that I actually didn't know how to teach at all. And I realized that the journey of learning and listening to people was how I was gonna learn how to teach. And so if the basic principle for me is listening and paying attention, you have to do that to learn about yourself. And then what you do is you don't just teach your experience to other people. You actually have to listen to what their experience is, otherwise, it's not alive. So it's happening to me right now. I'm sitting with the two of you, I have this whole sort of body of experience through my life, and it gets bigger because I'm talking to you and I listen to what life is like for you. It's relational. I'm not just talking to myself, right? I'm talking to whoever it is that I'm working with. And so that's never going to stop for me. So this basic skill of paying attention, of listening, being open, of of of discovering what you don't already know is never finished. Part of that is what what you're teaching. You're teaching people how to really pay attention and learn.

Teaching Through Listening And Alignment

Candace Patrice 10:18

Mm-hmm. I um so lately, the last few years, I've been digging deep into the Bible. And one of the things that I took from that is Jesus took 30 years to learn. Um, he sat back. We don't hear anything. And I'm assuming that's because he wasn't teaching anything. There was nothing to be written because he's learning this time. And then to come out at 30 with whatever best knowledge there is, whatever best skills, and try to implement that. Even with the first disciples, I'm sure that's I I don't know how to really teach you guys, but I'm gonna show you what I've learned and then take that. Um, so I use that as a framework for teaching and learning uh and knowing that it takes time. Because if it took Jesus 30 years to learn what was taught in three, then our process is going to take time too. Whatever that looks like, once you figure out where you want to go and you begin to study that direction. So whether it's the people who think like you, reading books that um affirm your thought processes, these are the things that take time. And we get it and we do our best at trying to ground ourselves in it and become experts in it so that we can teach, but we're never really experts in anything, are we? As we continue to learn. Go ahead, mom.

Felt Resonance: How We Know What’s Ours

Janet Hale 11:47

When I heard you speak about learning yourself and how the first person we have to get real with in everything that we do is this one. Teaching has changed so much for me. Because for me, I often thought that teaching was doing, you know? I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna say this, I'm gonna show you how to do it, because I don't, you know. And then I recognize a lot of times my teaching is just me being me. And folks who want to know how it is that I became who I am will watch that. And a lot of times that's the greatest form of teaching, because people are watching who we are. Sometimes I think folks get caught up in I have the knowledge, I read the book, I went to that seminar, and I did that thing, and it's like, because I've been that person too. But just being able to just sit with self, just like when you started off talking about your adventure and what you came here to to talk about, the thing that stood out for me is how you recognize like I'm a good person. I've been a good person. And all the things that were thrown at you were not for you because you hadn't figured it out. And it's when we get in here and figure this out, regardless to whether we learn this in religion, if we learn this in nature, however we come to it, I think it's the greatest gift and gets us on our journey. All of it, I think, is part of the journey, though. So it's exciting to hear you talk about figuring it all out for yourself.

Blaise Kennedy 13:45

I I I love your reflection. And that's true. And people can tell, just as I can tell, when the message and the energy are not aligned. So there's lots of smart things that you can say. I've realized they don't often work for me very well. What really works in life, what people really trust, uh, what creates connection is when what I say and what I feel and what I'm doing are actually in alignment. That's the kind of magic key. And so that's why it's so important to pay attention because sometimes I had a client the other day in one of my groups start talking, and he said, you know, I just started saying things and they weren't actually real. And he just stopped talking. And I I wanted to clap. I was like, it's so great. It's so great if we can do that.

Structure Versus Flow In Client Work

Janet Hale 14:36

I was in, excuse me, I was in a workshop, the two-day workshop thing, and we were talking about de-escalating and all this stuff, and they said this is weight, right? Sometimes we need to be in wait. And I was like, what is that? And it stands for this why am I talking? Wait, yeah, stop talking, yeah. Wait, I thought I'm gonna use that. The whole wait. Do I mean what I'm saying? Am I saying this because I want to move the room? Am I saying this because I want to impress somebody? You know, and I get caught up. I'm you know, I do, but I can tell when I do, I'm tired. Oh, I'm disappointed in myself, but to learn to wait. To wait. Why am I talking? Because if I don't know why I'm talking, I need to be quiet, right? Yeah. Um thank you.

Candace Patrice 15:39

I have a question for you too. Um, I have a couple. Well, let's start here. When and this is coming kind of from what mom just said: wait. How do you know what's for you when you're getting information from the universe or however you download your lessons, um, if they're not from other people, or even if they are. How do you know what's your lesson and what's your lesson to teach?

How Blaise Designs Transformative Groups

Blaise Kennedy 16:08

Oh man, what a big question. Oh, I want to start. I can answer that part by what you said about the Bible. I mean, there's so many words in the Bible, and what stood out for you is Jesus' learning. I mean, there's so many messages that you could take. And for me, I'm like, what a what an essential message for you to receive. So, how did you receive that message when the Bible says so many things? Or how is it that that stood out for you? I would say there's some kind of resonance, right? It's the same for me or for anyone else. We're gonna say so many things today. Do you have to remember them all? Like you're there's gonna be some test that you have to know everything we said. No, you just feel what really resonates with you. And again, what you're saying about Jesus really resonated for me early on is oh, this actually requires a lot of time and attention. It's not a quick fix, it's not about that. It's really about a life path, a learning and a consistency, an intensity of practice that I have to really devote myself to. How did I know that? I I don't know, just like you're framing, I don't know exactly how I realized that. Um, but it was something that was really missing when I was a kid. Like I didn't know about learning. What I knew about is that there are people who do things that are great. And I didn't know how they got from where they started to where they ended up. So for a period of time, I was like, this is a missing piece for me, right? I didn't, I don't really know about learning. I don't know about the sort of consistency and discipline that's required. I'm sure there were so many other important lessons that life was giving me, but I don't need to hear them all at once. So then you learn this lesson. And then, you know, you whatever. For me, I became very hard working in in the in the practices that I do. And then that opened me up, that changed me, and it took me to another place where I heard different messages, where I was actually open to receive different information. And so I again, what I say is that it's through your felt sense, it's through what feels alive and resonates for you. And if you keep doing your work, that's going to keep changing. And so things that, you know, earlier on make no sense to me or were not appealing necessarily suddenly become really important. And you just learn to trust that, you know, if I do what's right in front of me, tomorrow I'll be somewhere different and something else will be my message. So it's like navigating the world by what feels true and alive and interesting for you right now. And, you know, in we're gonna talk for an hour, and if you're listening, maybe that's one thing. Great. You leave the rest, and whatever happens tomorrow, you you navigate through that. And that's sort of how I would answer your question.

Candace Patrice 18:59

When you go into work with clients, um, do you come with a game plan or an outline, or do you allow the energy to move the journey, the the oops, what does it call it, a session?

Stages, Prerequisites, And Safety In Groups

Blaise Kennedy 19:17

Yeah, well, when I started, I I first thing that happened, again, talking about learning progressively, the first thing that happened is I started working with people, and I thought, you know, gee whiz, I hope I'm helpful. You know, I really I hope I can help people. And then I relaxed a little bit more. And then I would go, you know, what's happening here? And I kind of found it a rhythm where I could listen to people. I do a lot of listening. I wasn't very instructive, and it seemed to help. And I just listened and I listened and I listened, and I sort of follow the person that I was with. And then I got really good at that. And I said, you know what? Actually, I do need more structure. People do need more direction. It's really helpful to have a direction. It's not taking away from, I'm not talking about taking away their ability to go wherever they want, but I I'm I'm not I'm not holding the the frame and container enough. Um, just like you as a podcast host, you, you know, I'm talking, but you have some frame, and there's like a you could be doing that less, and it would be a little bit unformed. So over the time I've had to just get comfortable with working for people and then learn to listen and feel with people, and then stepping into some greater sense of direction uh without trying to take away people's uh agency or ability to go wherever they want. And uh the other the other thing is so when I sit with people one-on-one, we we can do anything that we want. Like I started to realize all the people I sit with, I have unique relationships with all of them. Like we don't do the same thing, and it's really wonderful. But I also run groups, and if you run a group, it's very hard to let everyone do it'd be like running a classroom of kids and saying, like, you each get some of you get you can do math, you can do science, you can do art. It gets a little bit chaotic. So there is, when you teach groups, when I teach groups, there is a real need for there to be a structure and a direction and some kind of plan. And that's what I've been working on. Uh, it's based on me sitting with people and being like, what do we really need we need? Where do we go? What are the what are the things that are really alive for people? And I I'm just now kind of building that kind of plan uh for people and and finding it really fun and beautiful. So I like both, you know. I like I think it's important that people get to do whatever it is that's alive for them, and I think it's also important that there's some amount of leadership or direction.

Janet Hale 21:48

Would you go ahead. Would you um talk a little bit about the group? You know, um is it how is that structured and um Do you do you do that like a different topic at a different time? Is it um Yeah.

Do Men Show Up For Healing

A Framework For Rebuilding From The Foundation

Blaise Kennedy 22:06

Yeah, so well I it it's there's there are actually many, many things that I want to teach about. And and it's not when I say teach about, it's not me like lecturing people, but it's me um kind of taking people through uh themselves in a way that they get to explore all of these different facets of themselves. And so my job is to sort of provide a whole bunch of different facets of yourself that we can go through in a way that really helps you gain self-knowledge and maybe go to places that you wouldn't normally go to and and wouldn't really emphasize. So I thought I had a teacher that did this, a man, uh an Austrian man named Thomas Hubel, who did this at such a high level, and I was just so impressed by his ability. I very what I do is very much aligned with that. And one of the main ideas is that many spiritual teachers or guides are like they work one-on-one with people, and then no one else does the work. But what Thomas did and what I do is we we learn how to actually relate together as a group, whether it's the whole group or in breakout group. So we're actually all doing this skill. I demonstrate it, but this sort of listening and expressing and sharing and being together is actually something that we all do. So the first thing that I have to do is sort of teach people how to how to be together, teach people how to listen to each other and how to share with each other. And we how do we learn how to do that? Well, we learn to do that by trying, right? We learn to do that by experimenting with what is it like when you tell someone about this part of yourself or how do you feel you know, listening to that? And so once people know how to, the the first group that I teach is really about that, about how to feel connection. And once we have that, it's kind of a container and we can go anywhere. We can go anywhere that you want to go. And I have all kinds of places that I want to take people through their through through their their their childhood, their their family relationships, their ancestral experience, what it's like to be a human being, through the history of their soul, you know, the all the fancy spiritual things that you can look at. But the most important thing is that we know how to go there together because this is such an essential part of life for me. It's not just that I have experienced and I know myself, but that that actually shows up between you and I. That it's something that we do together so that I'm seen in myself and it it creates a deeper security when people receive me and I get to work through things while people are really there.

Janet Hale 24:50

So when you're having the group, and do you have it where you have a set, you know, this is a group of folks, and we're gonna go from this point forward, and then you start a new group? Because I would imagine that people are different stages, right? So if you have someone who's been there for three years and you know, the group has been doing whatever the group is doing, and then we have someone who just comes in, do they come to the same group and how do you filter that out with the new person versus the you know the group that's been there for some years?

Blaise Kennedy 25:22

Well, uh that is a real sort of teaching challenge or opportunity that I'm very aware of. It's I think you're very right that when somebody first starts, they don't have the same experience as somebody who's been there for years. So uh what I the way I think about it is that if you take one of my groups or course, you learn skills that kind of like certify you. And if you with enough experience, it's like you are now you have this kind of qualification and you can relate to anyone else who has similar qualifications. So I I often think about it as having prerequisites. If you if you kind of pass this course, you go through it, everybody passes. But if you go through this course, then that qualifies you to do this, explore within this area, and then you can free associate with people who have an even more experience with you. Uh, as long as you have enough skill that you don't get in over your head. But to be really frank with you, I think as I teach and and essentially build a school, I I have so much to learn about those kind of administrative questions. Uh again, there's so many things that come up around that that are really important because you really want, just like a school teacher, you really want all your students to be successful.

Janet Hale 26:37

Um that you're working with men, is that right? Primarily with men? Working primarily with men?

Blaise Kennedy 26:46

No.

Janet Hale 26:47

It's not well okay. Talk to me.

Blaise Kennedy 26:49

Well, in my in this, you know, when I started doing the the first place that I ever did any healing work was in in uh in in recovery and in Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, a treatment center. A lot of men there, a lot of men have addiction issues. Once I got out of recovery, or I sort of went beyond recovery, I started to work in uh with healers and spiritual teachers. It flipped and it was like 80, 20 women. And I always was like, where are all the men? I just don't know where all them, what are they doing? And it persists now in my work. My clientele is probably 70% female, um, and yeah, a minority of men. And I still wonder, you know, like where are all the guys at?

Janet Hale 27:42

I I have a yes. Um I'm a friend of Bill W's.

Speaker 1 27:47

Yeah.

Janet Hale 27:47

And uh yes, I am. And so when you did that, I went, mmm, I love it. Oh so, and I see the opposite in the groups, I see it mostly men. That's interesting. Yeah, that's so interesting. Different lived experiences with this, you know, yeah.

Candace Patrice 28:06

Um, my question was have you developed a framework to get people to start the work towards the figuring out self?

Speaker 1 28:20

Yeah, I have.

Facts And Feelings: Let Energy Move

Candace Patrice 28:22

Is is that one that you share, or do they have to come to um no?

Parenting Pressure And Honest Repair

Shared Vulnerability As A Healing Force

Blaise Kennedy 28:27

I mean, I I absolutely I I absolutely can share it. I be that's why I'm here, right? I so I can talk about it as much as you want. Um just to say it to speak to you, Jen. I'm glad that men are there somewhere, right? I'm glad that I'm glad that that's happening. I just don't for whatever reason that's so much in my world. And pro possibly, possibly because so much of my focus is on trauma and connection and healing, which for whatever reason, uh women seem to care a lot more about than men. And I don't know if that's universal. This is just the experience that I've and I agree with that, yeah. So um what I the first thing, if I'm going to take people through a framework, the one of the basic premises is if we are present in our body and mind, we will discover more. It's a basic premise. So, again, as you said, why am I speaking? There's there's a pause, and then there's like a listening to self. So the first thing that I do is I teach people to listen to themselves. And again, that's sort of the introductory program that I do is sort of listening to yourself, speaking what's true for you, sharing that with other people, and and conversely listening to other people. And then what I like to do is uh I like to start people at the very beginning of their life, and I like to work through through their maturity into adulthood. And the one of the reasons why is my sort of awakening or spiritual process happened backwards, is I kind of became very kind of adult, or I woke up in this way, and then I had to realize like, what are all the things that kind of led me, what are all the things that have already happened that led me to this place? And I had to work backwards through all of that. And you can think about that like the the building, some some apartment complex or something has been built, but it's not built well. You start on the top floor and you work back down to the foundation, you renovate the building from the foundation. And the way I like to think of it is actually the building's supposed to be built from the foundation up to the top. That's how you build a building. You're not supposed to have to renovate it later in life. And so that's kind of what I do with people is I go, like, what is the foundation of life? What is the what is the basic experience of being here? And early in life, that's really simple. Like if you are a baby, you're just kind of being here. If you're around children, you're just at rest. And this rest state is highly dependent on loving parents. And so a lot of meditation practices, for example, will say, you know, go learn how to be present by yourself. And I say, well, that's not actually how human life starts. You wouldn't say to a child, you know, go figure it out by yourself. You would say, I'm gonna hold you and I'm gonna be here with you. And in that, resting and just being is natural. You know, you've ever sue the baby, right? They have their sleep or they're just there or whatever, and it's so natural, but it requires a holding. And so for me, I teach people at the beginning of life is you know, that we learn how to just rest, to be at rest, to be to feel safe. And then what comes out of that is that we have needs. You know, my my children, I have three children, they express all their needs all the time. Why do they do that? Well, because they can't do things for themselves, and because I'm here to care for them. And this is a relationship. They learn how to get what they need because they express it and someone listens. So then the next thing I teach is like let's fulfill that, let's build out that part of you, whatever it is that you need, that you learn to identify it and share it and bring that to life. And then from there, you build up a sense of will. And then beyond that, you develop your heart and the ability to care for yourself and others. I have children who uh have a baby brother, and they're really learning how not to overwhelm him, or uh they're learning how to care for what they want and negotiate with what their little baby brother needs. This is all things that we learn in our family environment and as we grow up. And we graduate into being an adult. And so for me, what I realized through my backwards process is that most of those skills never really happened for me in an ideal way. And I had to figure it out backwards. I had to be like, why do I have such a hard time, you know, finding common ground with my wife as another? Why, like, why she once said to me, we moved into our house and she said, you know, I should be able to put the furniture where I want because I care about it more than you. And I thought, you know, that makes a lot of sense, actually. But somehow I feel like I'm not getting my way. And it's not fair. And I go, actually, I'm acting like a child. And like, so why is that? Like intellectually, I know what she's saying makes a lot of sense, but in my body, I'm having a very childish response. What do I do with that? Well, what it actually means is I never really learned kind of skills that my children are learning. You know, they argue about toys, they fight about, you know, who gets to sit where and what's fair. I didn't really learn those things. I kind of skipped that development, or you could say I left my body. And later in life, I have to go back and be like, actually, I gotta be humbly and acknowledge that I don't really know how to do these things. So I try to create a system that lets people, you know, really welcome all their, you could call it immaturity or all the parts of their life that they haven't finished, so that they have a real map of like all the reactions they're having in life and all the fears and all the challenges to understand how that came to be and really what they can do to be with it and resolve it ultimately. So just a lot, because I said a lot.

Janet Hale 34:38

Sounds like a fearless inventory.

Blaise Kennedy 34:40

Yeah, it's it's big, it's you could call it a fearless inventory. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

Candace Patrice 34:47

I think those questionings, I think that's something that will help people um build self-awareness. It's just asking those questions. Why am I feeling this way, especially when it's a feel? You know, uh, that's something I've been kind of paying attention to lately, uh, maybe the last few months, just what's a feeling and what is fat, what I have control of, what I don't have control of. Um, and even changing words into numbers to make it make sense for me. Because if the words equal what they're supposed to, just like two plus two equals four, then I can't argue it. But if it's an opinion, then it becomes arguable, which then becomes a feeling. And there's a whole like inner study I'm doing on myself in all things right now. Um, where what was I getting at? I have no idea.

Janet Hale 35:42

Yeah, but you mentioned numbers and emotions.

Candace Patrice 35:45

Oh man.

Janet Hale 35:46

Yes, my daughter, my daughter, my daughter.

Candace Patrice 35:49

Self. I okay, wait, getting to the facts.

Janet Hale 35:52

Emotion. She does this.

Candace Patrice 35:56

Um, I really, I really don't remember where I was going with that. I'm sure it was.

Being Met In Anger Changes Everything

Blaise Kennedy 36:00

I can I can jump in a little bit. So I'll give you a really good example of so I I can know intellectually, like, well, I should let my wife move the move the furniture, but my body doesn't seem to agree with that. What do I do with all those feelings that I have? Do I push them away? Do I talk myself out of them? Do I say, well, actually, I shouldn't feel angry? And in my experience, that doesn't really work very well. It may prolong the problem, but it just simmers. It simmers anyways. I'll give you a really good example. My my my my baby, who's a year and I don't know if you call a year old a baby anymore, but he's kind of a toddler. Uh he doesn't like to have his diaper changed in the morning. He wants to play. And so I go to pick him up and he just fights me. And so, like, in you could meet him intellectually and you could say, but you uh you need to change your diaper, and like, but he doesn't care about that. He what he cares is that he's developing his will for the first time in his life. He has things that he wants to do, and there's no talking him out of that. That's how he feels. I can't meet him rationally. And so it's similar, and I but I don't believe I need to. So similar to the people that I work with, if we just feel our feelings, we don't have to think about what they mean. They'll move. They'll just move. If if I tell, you know, if I'm sitting with somebody and they feel angry, often they feel like, oh, I shouldn't feel angry. And my experience is like, well, but you do, right? That's feelings don't lie. Your energy does not lie. If you're feeling angry, you are feeling angry. And we're going to create a space where that's okay. It doesn't mean we have to act from our anger, but that energy is going to have to move. And people find it to be such a relief when however they feel, they get to feel that way. And often it helps them like depressurize it from their actions and their thinking and from what they what they think they're supposed to be when they just learn just whatever it is that I'm feeling and just let it go. I just let it move. I won't feel like that forever because feelings don't persist. You know, in one moment my son's super upset, and the next moment it's it's all over. And and so that kind of basic skill of learning how to honor what we feel and also function as adult and figure out how we're going to deal with both of these realities that we have, facts and feelings, is a really essential part of what I help people work through.

Teachers Who Shaped The Path

Candace Patrice 38:30

I wrote it down this time. And you did explain what I wrote down, basically. Um, asking the questions and giving real answers for self, pause and deal with it, and then look at the other person's perspective. Because a lot of times when we get that feeling, especially if it's a big feeling in a negative way, then it's like um the person who made you feel a certain kind of way. Where are they coming from with this? Was their intent to hurt you, or are they just sharing their feelings and that affected you? So when I feel that affectedness, it's the pause and say, what am I feeling? Ask myself the questions, why did that affect me? I know I shouldn't respond from this place because I'm coming from an emotional space, but then working through that to get to a space of settling my own feelings. I guess that goes back to the whole self-work, the whole self-awareness and um working through those things. And it's like you said, you don't have to react from that emotion, but acknowledging that emotion is saying, I'm hurt right now, I'm angry and what I want to do it. And I sometimes I think I may need to stop doing this, but sometimes I'll do that with my daughter. Like when she's doing something and I'll tell her, I want to yell at you because I want control. And the only way I know how to get it is to do it this way. So I would like for us not to go that route, but and I'll say it out loud, and there's a there are even more examples of that. And even when it's really big for me and I'm really fresh, I'm like, I want to pinch you right now because I want you to listen to me. And I'm like, I mean, I can express it. Now I don't know if I should be expressing it that much to her, if I should make it more internal, but it is something that I'm finding like dealing with it, saying it out loud prevents me from the action of the emotion, but it is work. It is real work, especially when you're red, because I've been experiencing red the last two weeks.

Principle-Centered Living And Resources

Blaise Kennedy 40:25

Yeah, I'll j I'll jump in and just say this is this is not the prettiest part of being a human being. This is like this is the meat and potatoes of everyday life, of managing your energy and being in relationship. And what you're describing for me is a is a skill that we actually grow into. Being able to feel what my experience is, feel what your experience is, and not actually go into conflict about that. Being able to hold what's happening for me and for you and care for both of us. And as you know, as a parent, like you get pushed to your edge all the time, where you're like, I'm actually running out of my ability to hold what's happening for me and care for you. And so for me, naming that is is uh is like an intelligent response to feeling under pressure. And so I I totally empathize with what you were describing. I mean, I do this, I'm feeling so frustrated right now. I know, I know that you want something different, but I'm just I'm I'm at my end. And what you're doing is you're being all you're being honest, right, with your child, you're being honest. But it's for me that there's a pressure as a parent or as an adult to develop that capacity.

Candace Patrice 41:39

We've we've actually reset before in the middle of a store, stopped and held each other because things were just too big. Like, because if we don't reset, we're gonna be yelling, and that's not cool, and neither one of us likes that. But go ahead, I'm sorry, I cut you off.

Why Now Is A Powerful Time To Heal

Blaise Kennedy 41:52

Being married, being a neighbor, having a uh a parent, being a child, there's a developmental pressure to grow in this. Because the opposite of if you do not do the work, our relationships kind of sh fragment. There huge problems arise in our world because we're not able to work through these things. So I've experienced in my life so much humbling pressure to work through that. You get married, you say, Oh, I love you so much, and then you're like, well, actually, there's a lot here that doesn't feel like I'm really in a state of love. Like, what do I do about that? Well, I can either fulfill my obligation and commitment and do the work and stay in the relationship as a parent and as a spouse, or I can blame them and sort of move away, but I'm just delaying the work anyways. Like I'm going to have to do this at some point with somebody in some way. I'm not going to go live by myself. And so I, you know, I've had to do so much of that. And a lot of what I'm trying to do is to give people a very affirming space to do that work because it can be ugly, because it's filled with conflict, because we make mistakes. And to say, like, look, we're all going through this. Every single human being is going through this. It's actually not a bad thing at all. I think it's our evolution. It's how we're getting smarter, it's how we're getting more emotionally intelligent, it's how we're actually moving closer to each other. So let's create a place where we can do this work together and be as successful as possible. And what I find is that when you sit in a group of people and they say something like you just said, or they say, share something about their childhood, everyone gets more honest and everyone feels more safe. And everyone goes, actually, that's true for me too. Because in our world, we don't talk very openly and honestly about these things. I guess this is what this podcast is about in part, right? Is creating a space that affirms the challenges that humans have. I mean, that's what AA is all about as well. It's like you can take these experiences that addicts have then that are so out of the normal of what most people are. People experience and you go into a room and everybody's like, Yeah, no big deal. Of course, you did that, right? Like, I I'm not gonna judge you for that. And so it's that kind of environment that's very um affirming and safe that I think helps people manage those challenges as efficiently as possible that you're describing and really helps people relax, like, yeah, it's okay to be to feel and be a human being. That's what we're doing here together.

Building A Light-Based Community

Janet Hale 44:26

I like when you're sorry, when you talked about your children and um here hearing you talk about how they they fight over a seat or whatever it is that they're doing, right? And um for us to have to go back, some of us, when we started building from the top, coming down, and then realizing missed all these steps, like not understanding that it's okay to be angry. It is really okay. It is okay to ask for help. It is really okay. It is okay to make a mistake, that's okay. And for some of us to grow up and not recognize that that's okay. You know, it's it's it's a wrong emotion to be upset, you know, to to bury all that, and then to for some of us to get sober, whatever that looks like, yeah, and recognize like, whoa, so when I was pissed off about that at age 12, I had a right to be. That was, you know, that was okay. And then to grow up as an adult, you know what I mean, and starting all over to recognize that these things are okay, and to be an environment that is safe with other folks who are going through the same, almost the same exact, exact thing. So I think for us in this podcast to be able to come and speak and be vulnerable about things, right? Um, you're not, you come, you, you came on here and you're speaking, not that you're a perfect man. You're like, shit, I got married and I didn't get it. You know what I mean? So I just think it's really good to be able to share the space and understand that it's perfectly okay to be imperfect.

Legacy, Memory, And Growth Across Seasons

Blaise Kennedy 46:15

And if I can build on, just to share some of my skills and experience and build on what you're saying, you gave a great example. Someone grows up and they don't feel like they can, they really have their will and their anger and their frustration is welcome. And so when they grow up and now they have to like care for self and others, what they'll often find is that they're not included in that. Right? So, like, I'm caring for you, and actually somehow I keep not getting what I want. That's my furniture example, right? Like, yeah, I want to care for you, and yet somehow I still feel like I'm left out. What what do I do about that? And so what I find is with people, we can say to them, uh, it's okay to be angry, and that can help, it often does, but a lot of time people actually need someone to be them with them in a way that actually proves that. Like our body and our nervous system actually needs proof that when the first I'm going to stay here, I'm not gonna be punitive, I'm not gonna overpower you, I'm not gonna do all the things that happened when you were 12, I'm not gonna leave you, but I actually I will feel with you. And so that's so much of what I do is I prove that to people. That's my job, is to really prove that whatever it is that wasn't possible earlier, it can happen here. And that's not intellectual. I mean, I say it to people, but you really have to experience that. When you're in a relationship and somebody you do get angry and someone says, like, yes, like I really respect and meet you in this, something changes. It like opens a door, and suddenly I have permission in myself. So so many of the things that we want to change about ourselves for me really are benefit, benefit from or or need messages from others that confirm them. You know, so wow, I got somebody the other day. I have a client that got angry at me, and I said, Yeah, like knowing your developmental history, like it's really wonderful that you're angry right now, actually. And it's really welcome here. And you just watch them go, huh? Like, and something is a pattern, a new pattern, a new possibility is opened. And it doesn't mean they're gonna be more angry. It just means that now they have they can sort of speak this part of themselves more directly, and it has more permission.

Candace Patrice 48:43

Who who are some great people that you've studied? Great books that you've read.

Blaise Kennedy 48:50

Yeah, I mean, the main, I'll I'll say the main, I basically had two teachers. One was really meditation focused, and uh he was wonderful. His name is Ady Ashanti.

Candace Patrice 49:00

How do you spell that?

Gratitude, Humility, And Contact Details

Free Meditations And How To Connect

Blaise Kennedy 49:01

Adyashanti, A-D-Y-A, S-H-A-N-T-I. He lives in California. And in terms of my sort of spiritual practice that was meditative, he was so clear and it was so helpful what he described and really matched what my experience was. And I just innately trusted him, just like I'm describing with Res. I mean, there's like a billion meditation teachers, but this one guy, when he spoke, I said, that guy. And that's how I would recommend that you navigate books or anything else that you do. And the other was this man named Thomas Hubel. And I'll tell you a story. My when I met my wife, she actually, as soon as I met her, she bought me tickets to meet this guy because he was traveling around. And um I I what he demonstrated is that he could feel people, like his ability to actually feel with people and see them. I'd never seen anything like it in my life. It was like um it was it just blew me away. And I remember I I was feeling angry. I put up my hand, I put up my hand to ask him a question about my anger, and he turned and looked at me, and I felt like he could see right through my body. And I I was like, what like I was so shocked at what was happening to me. I felt so like embarrassed or uncomfortable, or what is this guy? How is he able to do this? Like, what is actually happening that he can feel me? And what he basically said, his basic premise is that when we uh when we really deeply feel ourselves, it gives us access to feel other people in the world. That was his basic message. And I said, I want to be able to do that, I'm gonna do that. If they'd sold posters of him in the lobby, I would have bought one and put it up on my wall. I was so just completely taken by what he was doing and the way he treated people. And he was my first uh the first person I ever met that I had this kind of respect for. Like I he was like a holy person to me. Like he was just so mature and loving. And I just wanted to be like him. I uh, you know, I didn't so much just read his books, but I listened to him talk a lot. Um and I, you know, I'm still to today he's sort of like a, I guess you call him like a father figure as well, because he's demonstrated what it's like to be a mature man in a way that I hadn't really seen before. And so that's the approach that probably most influenced my life in the last time.

Candace Patrice 51:40

And what's his name, Thomas What?

Blaise Kennedy 51:43

H-U-P-L. And uh, you know, I ended up being trained in um in a in a in a type of therapy that's very much related to him, and I and I do work that's very much related to him, and um yeah, I hold him as I hold him in the highest regard.

Hosts’ Links And Closing Blessing

Candace Patrice 52:03

Yeah. That's awesome. Thank you. I'm gonna go look them up because I'm always looking for, well, I realize now I'm in a principle-centered space. And so listening to books and authors that teach more on principles and not necessarily a thing is really standing out for me right now. So I really like that. I'm gonna look into these. Um, did is there anything in particular that you wanted to share with the audience? We are coming up on our hour, and I'm so sad because I'm enjoying this a lot. The information, the learning.

Blaise Kennedy 52:44

Well, I uh this is my experience. Um I'm 40 years old, but I this is what I see when I look at the world is that the people who came before me had a much lower possibility of change. My ancestors, including my father, died um carrying a lot of pain. And when I look at the resources that were available and the cultural understanding was really low compared to what it was now, and many of the people who came before us did not have a chance. And every day, the world, despite what it looks like, is softening and changing. And it's this is the best time, in my opinion, in our world to heal. And that's only going to get better. It's gonna get better because people are doing the work, it's gonna get better because your podcast exists. And so I just share my optimism about the human future. I think it's inevitable that we will all break through. And I think all our work is working. And so if you know, if any of this resonates for you in whatever direction, I invite you to really dig in. That obviously can include working with me, but whatever it is that feels resonant for you, I encourage you to do it. And just know that uh it is working and it is changing, and and I know we are gonna break through. That's my experience.

Candace Patrice 54:05

Thank you for that. Um, I actually had somebody recently share, I was sharing a similar sentiment about the world moving towards healing and um just seeing more people open mental health, all of the things we're going to. And someone else said that they didn't think they thought the world was burning and crashing into the worst place. But for you to see what I see as well, with many more people working towards light, I would say. Um I feel like the world is trying to be brighter than it is darker. And I see more people. And I don't know if that's just because of where I am and the people I'm beginning to be surrounded with and the things that I hear, but I do feel like so many more people are working towards the greater good, towards light. Um, and if we continue to pull on those people, we'll have a greater reach and lighten the world. Like you said, more resources, more people doing the work.

Blaise Kennedy 55:06

This is what you said when you started. I asked you how you were doing, and you talked about this sort of bubble of consciousness that you have. And I think that it's very, very important that we build that because there are so many dark things in our world and in our neighborhoods and in our families and everywhere. And it's very possible to have a sort of a light-based mindset and orientation to life. That's how we get through it, right? And that's how we that's how we succeed, in spite of the fact that there's so much pain and difficulty in the world. And it's not just a belief system, it's it's a presence, like you the smile on your face, right? It's a real living presence, it's not just an idea. And the more that you nurture that, the more it grows. And that's our job is to do that for each other.

Candace Patrice 55:54

Thank you, Blaise. Anything you want to say, Mom, before we take off?

Janet Hale 55:59

I just think this is so cool. And I'm glad that Candace and I are on this journey. This journey, this journey, this journey. And I'm so grateful. We were talking before we got started about you and I, Candace. Um, and I said, huh. And I said, we're doing this, and we're at different phases of our development, you know, each time we're doing this or each year that we're doing this. And I'm just really grateful that this is something that will be left for you and Kamari. Um you know, like Joan Rivers and her daughter. I just thought that was the coolest thing. She can always go back and listen to that. So I'm always so thankful for this, this opportunity for you to hear my voice today in years when I'm not here. You hear it. So, anyway, I don't know where that came from. That was not. But it came up, it came up, I let it out, so yeah.

Candace Patrice 57:06

So that's um interesting, not maybe not interesting. Um, you remember when I did the recording of Auntie Janet? Yeah. Um, that was her last lucid moment, actually. Do you still have it? Uh I'm sure somewhere. I sent it to Tyrone, so I don't have. I mean, I haven't. Well, maybe he has it in somewhere. Don't lose our record. But it was um when I did that, it was about history and remembering. And we have five seasons of something to hold on to. So, like you said, when if Kamari ever wants to go back and say, I just wonder what those two were like in 2025, 2020. You know, she'll be able to hear it and learn from it and see where we learned and grew from and the guests that we have that influenced us along our journey, like Blaise, you know, because I think that um just here for me, just hearing Blaise talk gives me some teaching on where I am. And I love that. I love that for me, I love that for us, I love that for our listeners, you know. Um, and just being able to get and you know, moving on with getting people on the podcast who are teachers for us. Like these are our teachers, and I'm grateful.

Janet Hale 58:34

So I want to speak on the Blaze, Mr. Blaze, Mr. Blaze, Mr. Blaze. There was no ego in you that I can see. And I and I I I I feel like I'm a good reader of people, probably too good for my own good. Um, there's and I appreciate that. Like you're coming from such a humble place, and that's so appreciative. Like you're not coming in here like I'm all knowing, and guess what? You know, I'm knowing you're not doing that. You're like, uh I learned from here and I'm doing this. And the most important thing, my takeaway with you, is that you recognize that you had to learn you first in order to do the work.

Blaise Kennedy 59:14

Well, also if I can say two things. The first, I'll make just um in the show notes. There's a link that I'm gonna send to you that uh I'd like you to put in the show notes is how to contact with me. And anyone who feels resonant, I would love to meet you and work with you. But and I want to speak to to Janet, you're sharing. So I learn all the time. I love sitting with uh grandparents, and the I'm only 40. I don't know what it's like to be a grandparent, and just your expression of love and desire to pass on care to your family is just really touching. So thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Candace Patrice 59:53

Um, how do people find you? I know I'll put it in the show notes too, but those who are just listening.

Blaise Kennedy 59:57

Yeah, just my my website, blazekinny.com, there's a link for this episode. Uh, I run uh groups and programs. I have free live meditations that um that I do over Zoom that I invite people to do.

Candace Patrice 1:00:10

Did you say free? Free? Wait a minute, a resource, hold on. Wait a minute. Okay, in case everybody missed it, he said free. Okay, go ahead.

Blaise Kennedy 1:00:23

Capital Letters, F-R-E-E. And uh I I make content on the internet, but um and I've been on a lot of podcasts that you can listen to me talk on. All those things will be in the show notes. Um you can check it out.

Candace Patrice 1:00:37

I'm so excited. I'm about to pop in on some meditation. No, okay. Well, thank you all. You know, you can find me at um essential motivation.com. Instagram is Candace Patrice Motivates. Um, you can email me at CandaceFleming at Essential Motivation.com. All the things, look in the show note, all the information is there as well. Thank you guys for listening. I am hoping that our content continues to bless you, continues to give something for you to think of. If there's anything that you want to hear about or something you want to give us notes on, feel free to. There's a text option, or you can email us, but we're looking forward to it. So remember to always love hard, forgive often, and laugh frequent. Thanks, guys. Bye. Bye bye.