019: The Sweetest Taboo

How can physical acts of intimacy truly meet the longing of our souls? In this episode I peel apart what serves and what doesn’t serve us to make this exchange truly transformative, which I believe is its potential. Over millennia, we have inherited through patriarchy generational shame and repression of our innate pleasure. But by allowing ourselves to be seen in all that we can be and all that the other is, the erotic can be a portal for transformation, for expansion and the key to our collective awakening; erupting within us and leading us to freedom. With mutual willingness to be together in vulnerability and in our own power, we can be taken to a place of deeper integrity, deeper love, deeper surrender, and we can walk our lives in beauty with ourselves and with another. 

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Intro & Outro Music by Boe Huntress

Podcast Art by Billy Fox

Transcript

Hi there, and welcome to the authentic feminine ecstasy podcast, a place where we explore our innate, intimate freedom. And today, as I said, in my last episode, we're going to be talking about erotic sexuality, and what that means to us. 

So the other day I was driving, and I was listening to the song of Sadie, the sweetest taboo, I don't know if you know it. But it made me feel how there is something absolutely exquisite, about exchanging with one another, the physical expression of our connection, whether that is from the base animal place, or whether it is an emotional or spiritual, whatever that level of connection with the other is, it brings us something transformative, it moves us, it shakes us, it shifts us. And of course, the more connected and the more clarity and consent there is in that exchange, the more we're going to experience the transformation of it. 

It's almost like this act, it fulfils at the physical level, the longing of our souls, that we are one that we are connected with everything. And we allow another to come inside us to include their reality, their body inside ours. And that exchange of vibration of chemistry, of all that is interchange with one another in that act. It's a profound expression of our souls of our longing. And that is transformative for us all. And if we think about it, we ingest food, we take things into our body, and we transform them into organs, blood energy, that allows us to leave that allows us to be alive and to live. So let alone when we take another and we include them fully into our body into our substance, and undoubtedly this is the sweetest taboo. And it's interesting that in the song, it talks about taboo, why is it a taboo, these exchange with one another. So it's important to look at our conditioning and belief system around this beautiful exchange with another. And if we look at our history, it's filled with repression. And each one of us carries in our bodies, a sense of shame, a sense of fear, a sense of that this is going to be somehow dangerous. And some of us carry in our bodies, memories of abuse, a genital memory, already inherited in our grandmother's womb, that takes us to places of unsafety. 

For a millennia, we have treated this exchange as something sinful. Religions within patriarchal times have yielded us something even evil. And you can only be done under the gaze of God and for the sake of populating the earth and survival of the species. And for women specially is something that you donate to a man and you were not meant to feel pleasure. So this is just naming the basis of what has happened to our beautiful erotic power. It has been put into a box and it has been taken away. It's essential juice and despite that, here we are leaning against this massive conditioning in fear that is in our bodies, and we persevere, and we want to find the absolute exquisiteness of it. 

And in our modern times, we have all sorts of different schools of Tantra, of freedom of sexuality, from the lowest kind of end of the spectrum of pornography so people can explore the act of masturbation then self loving, then whatever it is, to the most exquisite divine love that you're allowed to come through your body with another. Whichever end of the spectrum we find ourselves. The fact is that we are freeing our inbuilt programme, that this is something bad and shameful. And as I said earlier, it's has a genital memory of trauma and distrust. 

So I would like us to enter a dialogue within ourselves. And while engaging into these conversations, as to how can we re enter the space from a place of safety, of abundance of receptivity of surrender, because let's face it, the more we enter this place of openness, the more alchemical and the more powerful it is going to be. So how are we going to enter this arena of sexuality, of the erotic, and take our freedom again, and taking with us safety, so that the actual experience that we are having matches the longing that we have on our souls. And I often speak to people. And when you peel it down, they often end up saying that what was in their imagination was sweeter, than what actually happened. So the imagination of it takes us closer to what we long for. But when we are there, in the act with another, we lacked the skills to make that longing our reality in the body. So what do we require for this to come through for these exchange to be truly what it can be for each one of us?

And the first thing is that we all need to take responsibility and interest as to what it is in our emotional memory. And that begins from the moment you lost your virginity. How did we lose our virginity? What is the blueprint of this communication with another, and I've been fortunate enough to travel to so many places and listen to women, telling us telling me how they lost their virginity. And is seldom the times I hear that it was completely a beautiful expanding experience that surpassed their imagination and their fantasy. Usually, it's kind of coercion, pressure, must be done, and in circumstances, like the back of a car or quickly in a park, so that it was not conducive to becoming the experience that our heart longed for that connection to be expressed. 

So this responsibility of looking at our belief systems, our conditioning, our genital memory is going to be key. And beginning to take the toxic past from these experiences so that we can become cleaner and clearer as to how we arrive to the experience with another. It's almost like we take our clothes off rapidly or slowly when we are in this act of making love of exchanging physical intimacy with another. But how naked are we inside and that's going to depend on the amount of self responsibility and acknowledging and clearing our past our inherited past. And that's going to require an attention and a willingness to feel that unpleasant, energetic stagnant in our body. That doesn't allow us to be fully naked inside. Because in my experience is only when two people are naked inside, meaning they are allowing that intimacy, that seeing one another in the most vulnerable places within us, the explosion of atoms and sales and vibration that supports that explosion, it's going to happen. And then we have the Alchimia. 

Before that can happen. There is that power that I was talking in the earlier episode about taking our power to be vulnerable, to have the strength within ourselves to self reflect, to look in and recognise all the beauty and all that's left on the way, uncharted and lost? Do we need to do that to have good sex? Well, that's a very personal question, ist' how do you want it to be for you. If you want to experience a quick discharge with another, a kind of human need a very basic human need, like drinking food, procreation, you don't need to do any of this, you can just grab another and just let yourself be taken and take whatever you need. And there is no moral rights here or wrongs. But we are talking specifically here of an alchemical process. And I am trying to peel apart what serves and what doesn't serve us to make this exchange truly transformative, which I believe is its potential. 

And we all have had, at some point or another, a touch with another human being that has shaken us deeply. And maybe as we began to enter that exchange, then the impairing conditioning and fears began to close us down. And it couldn't take us to where we hoped it could take us to. So the question for me is, if we want to get the full alchemical promise of this attraction to another that compels us towards this union, and we want it to be beyond the fertilising ritual that has been kept in for the purpose of procreation. And nowadays for the purpose of scaping, our isolation, our aloneness, our loneliness and our pent up frustration and unfelt emotions, if we want it, to go beyond that, how are we going to open that gate? 

And what best in today's times where the whole external repression and taboo seems to have vanished, and we can all go out there and hunt, or find somebody to have sex with. And that is a myriad of ways and opportunities with 2, 3, 4, 10 people, orgies, which is helping us to come out of the internal taboo and fear that we carry. So the invitation is this undressing and dressing us in a way beyond the teasing and beyond the games that we can play with one another in a way that actually gives us comfort and safety and shake us to the very core. And the question is, the patriarchal injunction in us is very much based on penetration, the penetrator and penertree, the one that is receiving that. And if we dissolve that conditioning, and we looking at more like an act of both penetration and invagination, were all in a continuous flow of an energy that has its own cosmic intelligence that will take us to a place that is beyond what's been defined for us. It's a willingness to enter the unknown to come out of the charted territory, and to open up to something bigger than the limitations of the mind and the ideas of what it tells us what's going on, and which way to go, and how to turn each other on and press the right button in the right this, and  the right clothes, and to create an excitement, and to watch some videos to get yourself turned on. Because we are not turned on. And especially in those ongoing relationships, were the pressures of work, children paying the mortgage, excetera gets us more than dry. And we have to re stimulate ourselves to get that thing, that sex happening in that relationship. Otherwise, maybe our relationship is gonna fall apart. Maybe we we are not good for each other, maybe we need to look elsewhere. Maybe we need to include other lovers in the relationship, all of these different combinations that are happening in our modern times. For me, they are symptoms are telling us that "I am not turned on to life", meaning "I'm not receptive. I am not willing to be penetrated by life because I'm afraid, I'm afraid. And I'm defended, because I've been hurt. And so I don't want to feel that hurt". But in that attitude, I am left isolated, barricaded from the outer world and left with an unfelt pain inside, which is actually not even mine, is inherent in my conditioning in my genital memory. 

So here lays the potential of opening this door for it to becoming an incredible, in(credible) exchange with another, the sweetest and most delicious communication we can have that meets us so deeply and free from the taboo part of it. So, this takes us to a mutual willingness to be together in vulnerability in our own power, because we have checked in and taken stock on what no longer serves us in terms of beliefs. And that we have taken responsibility for our wounded feelings. So that we can arrive to this moment with another in such openness in such willingness to be seen and to see and to touch one another not knowing what's going to happen. And letting this internal intelligence this vibration to intertwine us surprise by surprise to a place where our body can regenerate. And the cells of our body can transmute and detox and open and be the orgasm that we are looking for in this masturbatory acts, whether it is with the aid and external aid or with the person, what we really want is to be renewed, and it's like in French, they call it "La petite mort" it's referred to a reset in our bodies. 

So my invitation here, the inquiry that we're opening is for this reset to be real it requires previous inquiry into ourselves and a detoxing of this genital memory. And both parties, as the trust in yourself grows. Because you know, your limitations, you know, what is a yes, what is a no moment to moment is not like you open with someone, and they are excited and they have their agenda, that compulsive release, push on agenda, and they want to complete the act, because otherwise they're gonna get frustrated. And if they get frustrated, well, they're not going to be happy with you. And off we go into this fear of abandonment and all of that, that I've talked in other episodes. So here we are, with another in our power, in our vulnerability and being seen in all the we can be an all that the other is and allow this cosmic intelligence, this erotic power to erupt within us and to lead us to what our soul longs for. Beyond the ritual of fertilisation there is a potential of transformation that will take us to a place of deeper integrity, deeper love, deeper surrender, and we can walk our lives in beauty with ourselves and with another. 

Beloved listeners, thank you for listening. And I'm looking forward to receiving your questions, your feedback as to how we can bring these power into our relationships, whether they are a serial monogamy relationships, whether you are meeting with various lovers or whether you are on an ongoing committed relationship. My invitation is and my proposal is let the erotic be a key to our collective awakening.