005: The Gateway to Transformation

We all know what it feels like to have some level of suppressed frustration and anger. And unfortunately when we let this build up, we can end up pouring it out into our most intimate relationships. By learning to recognise and direct this fiery impulse (that started for most of us at a very young age) we can begin to harness the powers of transformation that it holds. Take the reins, be the rider of this energy, and experience the freedom, radiance and creativity that is already within you. 

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Intro & Outro Music by Boe Huntress

Podcast Art by Billy Fox

Transcript

Hi welcome back to the Authentic Feminine Ecstasy podcast, where we explore our innate intimate freedom. And today, I like to bring the element of fire, the, what I call the warrior archetype. And as I'm looking into my life, I'm taken back to memories of my childhood. And what happens when we begin to develop our will, our desires, which come from very early age, and the environment, bends this impulse. And the question is, in service to whom? 

And wherever my environment was, around my fire, my will, my expression, I feel definitely it wasn't in service of me. And as I look around to my friends and family, and all the people that I have had the privilege to accompany them into the discovery of their ground, of their water of their fire, of their expansiveness of their intimate freedom, I see again and again, how somehow, in order to survive the environment, they had to suppress and withhold their free impulse, their desire, in order to be accepted, in order to belong, in order to be liked. Now, the consequences of that is that we take this energy, which is the energy of transformation, fire is the energy of transformation, it's what makes us follow our own unique impulse, which, as we begin to discover our unique soul journey, which is what we're here about, beyond our conditioning beyond our programme, what are we here to do, to bring to our environment, our lives, to those we love. 

So as this impulse gets tampered banned, we develop a frustration, irritation, we become experts to silencing our own unique go mechanism, go get it, follow that, because somebody is going to get upset, somebody is not gonna like it. So as we go older, I discovered in my mid 30s, that I had a tongue of rage inside me. Up until that point, they only felt frustration, irritation, and anger. And as I said, earlier on my path was more towards transcendence towards Buddhism and spirituality and the beyond. So as I made my journey down to my body, I was in for a few surprises. And it was that very fire that I suppress began to make its way out into the surface. And I'm thinking about the volcano we had recently is almost like the eruptions are happening, and the fires are burning. And yes, if that fire is not contained, if that fire is not precisely used, in service of what we're here to do, it burns us and it burns others. 

So in our intimate relationships, at work with our colleagues, with our friends, we begin to see that build up of repressed irritation, frustration, anger, and ultimately rage, which we tend to pour in our more intimate, closest and dearest ones. And as we know, fire without it being contained and held, it burns. It erases everything, not only what we don't want, but also what we want. So I have come to learn that managing and writing this energy, surfacing the energy of will of fire. It's the key, it's the way to freeing our true will, not our will that's controlled by our ego, which by that I mean, what we've been told we want and what we should go after, but our own unique will in service of what we have come here to do in service of our hearts. 

So the path is to access, to go back and access all these toxic accumulated repressed embers of fire that took birth in our childhood, in our puberty specially there, and to bring it to the surface, not in the aim of catharting, like we may do in therapy, which is got its place. And it's important, and it makes us feel better for a little while. But in service of actually staying present to that energy and getting to know it and love it, and being the holders and the riders of this fire. And then we point like a good Archer, towards the direction to our goal to our bull's eyes of where we want to go. And I tell you, in my own experience, it was only when I began to have the courage to manage and feel the amount of rage that was there in a nice spiritual young woman that I was, life began to have a technicolour dimension. And today, I can surely say that my impulse to blame to pull this to burn other with my own frustration and anger. It's long gone, those days in which I was far from understanding the power of this fire. And I find myself that as I freed that energy in service of my life, I've got the energy, I've got the radiance, the aliveness to create my life in the direction that I feel I wanted to go. 

So my invitation that I'm bringing here to us all, is how do we do that? How do we take this bull inside us, by the horns and ride it towards life, our own unique life path. And in the next podcast, I'll be sharing some ways in which we can begin to open these doors of our fire. Begin to recognise where our angry thoughts which are basically repressed fire in a form of judgement, our emotional disturbance that can come in a form of depression, anxiety, it's a symptom of our smouldering fire underneath, and how to make friends and fund this fire in a way that it serves us, our relationships, and our dear, beautiful community around us. So thank you for listening and see you shortly on the next podcast in which we'll be getting a bit deeper into this fire without burning ourselves.