009: The Gift of Having Intimacy with Ourselves

How can we feel truly satisfied in our intimacy with ourselves and others? Living in a time of instant gratification and disconnection, that’s taking us into a wider internal void that needs filling? If our waters are not flowing in alignment, the distortion can lead us to addictions of all kinds. We seek and we need that sweetness, that satisfaction. But we have not learnt that we do not need to look outside ourselves to find it, and watch it ripple into the world around us. When the body, mind, and feelings are truly satisfied, there is peace. When there is peace, there is clarity. And when there is clarity, there is an action that benefits us all. 

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Intro & Outro Music by Boe Huntress

Podcast Art by Billy Fox

Transcript

Hello, beloved listeners, I've just been a week in bed, recovering from COVID. And it's been a very interesting time for me to stop my usual activities. And to fall into the gap, which is what I'll be talking, not on this episode. But on the following two episodes, we'll be talking about the emptiness. So I'm back online, and ready to continue this inquiry into authentic feminine ecstasy.

Welcome to the authentic feminine ecstasy podcast, a place where we explore our innate intimate freedom. And welcome to this episode, which is a follow up from the water that we were talking about our capacity to be in receptivity in intimacy with ourselves in the world, and how difficult it has been to enter the world from this place of sensuality, receptivity and sweetness, and how we want to abstract this sweetness from experiences out there. And in this episode, I'm going to be sharing a little bit in ways in which we can realign with our waters, and find the support and the beauty that this element can offer us when we make peace with it. And I like to begin by looking at the consistency of our body, which is mostly water. And this is the fact of life that we are surrounded from our birth to the beginning of life, as I said in my last podcast, that life and water go together. So our sense of aliveness and our capacity to receive and commune with other depends on that element inside us. So the first thing, that it's key for our regaining that confidence with this element, is to allow the waters of our body to flow. And that's going to mean movement, that's going to mean taking care of what we put in our bodies, things that make our body and therefore our waters acidic, that make us harsh, and internally an environment that is not opened, because the body has to continuously fight from the toxicity that we receive through the way we feed ourselves. So the way we are relating to our body, I like to bring the possibility of an intimacy of a listening. Am I thirsty? What kind of drink is my body wants to drink right now? And giving that space of not going into an automatic pilot of this is what I like to drink. This is what I always drink. And that takes us into addictions, which I will talk a little bit more about that further on. Because the lover in its distorted ways, takes us to addictions of all kinds, not just substances, but behavioural addictions. 

So that is my first inclination is to start with the body, bringing that flow in the body and that receptivity so that the body is not under stress. Because if the body is under stress, we're not going to be opening to being sensual and flowing and receptive. We're going to go into fight or flight. And that's where most of us in our culture. That's why the lover is so deprived. We are on a fight or flight mode inside and the level of stress, well, needless to say, slowly, slowly creating so many sorts of illnesses and mental and physical and emotional illnesses. So that's kind of where we start at the body level, that intimacy and that listening to what the body needs and to feed it, rest it, bring it, clean it, in a way that the senses feel safe.

The next layer of getting atuned with our waters is the emotional world. So once again, we've been taught to bypass our emotions, or to repress them, or to act them out, as I said before, in our loved ones, in places that there is more possibility of intimacy, those people that we have included in our lives. And this is when we create a lot of dramas, and a lot of out of proportion expressions of emotions, because on a day to day basis, we are feeling sentient beings. And that what gives us the sense of connection and receptivity to our environment. 

So what's happening is that it's a good image to have around emotions is that they're like in a conveyor belt. And they need to be flowing and circulating. So if you don't let the first, that top of the conveyor belt to be turned to page turn, that the space for the next one to come through, then what happens is that the creates a constipation, a hardening, a kind of like a stagnant lake that begins to rot and smell. So keeping that flow of emotions, how are we going to do that? Well, just again, taking that space. So when you are interacting with the world, noticing, not just what's my response? Am I right? Am I wrong? What am I going to say here? How am I going to get in there and put my spoonful? But more like, how do I receive that other, that situation, that element in nature, whatever it is, and let myself feel it, it requires a little bit of time to say, well, we don't have time we're on the run, yes. That's why our lover is so impoverished. So we need to make that time to let ourselves feel what we feel what we sense. So if somebody touches you, somebody is talking to you, just feeling the tone of voice, that how it hits your ear, and then how it is impacting, and is that moment of recognition, of like, oh, that's irritating me, that's making me angry. That's making me really sad. Because there is always a response. There is always an emotional response. And that emotional response is key for our choices and actions that we're going to make afterwards. And what happens if we miss the information of our emotions, which is the colour, the brightness, the kind of way in which we're going to move, the mind takes over. And as we said before, the mind can't feel. So then we're going to end up doing movements and actions devoid of feeling. And hey, we just need to look around us. We live in a world that the sense of how am I impacting the other and the others impacting me, and our capacity to be intimacy with one another, is really compromised, because we are functioning with predetermine past ideas, which once again, it's more of the same because it's conditioning, the mind will just change the numbers that are already there, and take over and the decision. 

So key to our lover is the capacity to allow feelings to move flow, express themselves, let them find an expression. Now, once you begin to have that time to know what you're feeling, then you can begin to choose to express how am I going to express this alone by yourself. You don't need to talk about it with anyone. It's like a beginning of intimacy with yourself. And to let yourself maybe express that anger shout. But consciously you are there receiving the impact of your own expression, whatever the emotion is, so get to give to have the space, feel the impact. And then as you get used to that to begin to find an expression in the body, in the privacy of your of your intimacy of your space.

 And the next step, once we begin to get good at moving our bodies, letting our body be not like a rigid robot, but something that's fluid and it's actually in a state of safety because this being listened to. And once we begin to take note of what we're feeling what we're sensing, then the next step is to begin to put it into practice with the world. So how would it be for us to be out there with others, to receive others in what they're saying to be interested, because once you're interested in the impact, not defending from the impact, you're not afraid to feel, you're not afraid of your emotions, that is an incredible sense of freedom. Because a lot of the time we control ourselves and others, so that we don't feel those emotions. And as we know, emotions, can trigger a domino effect of the past. So that's why the investment are not feeling. And of course, that's why the rotting waters in us that keeps us in a state of dispassion, and depression, and harshness, and separateness. 

So, the invitation here is to begin to put it into practice, and just practice listening. Just listen, not already thinking what you're going to answer back. And it's incredible to see the impact that it has on the other one, the other feels heard, it lowers their defences, and they feel more flowing, so there's more lover in them. And then when you're reading, you felt what they're saying to you. So when when their defences are lower, and you felt that debt expression to you, and the expression is not just the words, they're saying, it's the way they say it is their hands movement, is the transmission is their eyes is the whole thing that you are entering in communion, then you find what's the authentic response that comes from within your body? And in your emotional body and in your physical body? How you translate that to them? How do you communicate that to them. And then as you get used to having this kind of communication with people, especially with a closest, you'll begin to see that there is a new field. And I mean, you need to experience this for yourself, because the field is very much like what we call pillow talk, you know, between lovers, it's like a field in which is soft, there is a presence between those two individuals or three individuals, how many there there, that is kind of like watery and alchemical and transformative, and multi flavoured, and we're all enriched rather than "I've made my point, I am right you are wrong", which is what the mind tends to do, the mind sees the other as an enemy to blame, to defend or to abstract something from. And wouldn't it be a different life experience as you get up in the morning. And you begin to have that intimacy, that you crave that intimacy that we want to experience with a special other. And you begin to feel that within yourself, because you're listening to your body, because you're listening to your emotions, and the mind begins to take a different position. Because the body wants to be in attunement, and everything begins to kind of align with itself. And from that place, you step into your work life into your intimate relationships, into relationships that are more of the wider circle. And then something which is full of sweetness emerges in you there is a piece a piece because there is sweetness like a child at the breast, it drinks the sweet milk, or when we have a sweet drink, or when we take the sweet desserts that we love to have. 

All of that is the lover. And if we don't have that state inside us, this sweetness, this receptivity, we are going to need to find it in whatever else and here is where the addictions come in. And it could be a physical addiction could be going in sexual addiction could be a food addiction. It could be a drama, emotional addiction. Because in that drama, we find for a moment a colour and intimacy. I'm sure you have met people who they build intimacy through conflict, maybe yourself use this ways of building intimacy. And this is not a moral judgement or right or wrong. The point is that we need it. And there is no disposable being in the psyche. So, by hook or crook, we're gonna get our fix of lover, the only thing is that is not going to satisfy us. Because as we now to get intimacy through conflict, it's exhausting. And it burns us out, it creates so much suffering. Or to get sweetness through eating bars and bars of chocolate, it just doesn't work and it makes us sick. Or to get communion with others through sex, and kind of hormones going up and then hormones going down, because it's a play of chemistry that last a short while, and then you need the next fix. And then you begin to consume human beings like biscuits. So my invitation is that little interest, that little gap on getting to find out what is my body needing? How can I include ingest substances that keep me flowing and clean? To keep me non acidic, that keep me open? That doesn't stress my body? How can I listen to the world coming into me, and giving myself the time to emotionally receive what's happening. And nobody's taught us this. 

Nowadays, there's beginning to bring consciousness at the importance of the emotional world. For example, tears, tears that some of us we don't do tears. And men have strongly been conditioned, that big boys don't cry. And tears have a substance chemistry in them, that releases stress. Because there are emotions that need to be released and the chemistry of the tears. That's why when you have a good cry, often you feel so much better. But he's not a cry, because you're the mind is taken over and he's attacking you. That's not a good cry. That's self flagellation, and self torture. And those tears harm you. I'm talking about the opening to the emotion that's there and allowing it to flow and without mind just let yourself cry.

So, there is a possibility of building intimacy with ourselves through this simple space of allowing, receptive, and then our movement into the world will be sweet, full, lover full, and that will give us satisfaction. And when the body mind feelings are satisfied, that is peace. And when there is peace, there is clarity. And when there is clarity, there is an action that benefits us all. So my invitation to us all is now more than ever, to take this time to be interested to be in intimacy with ourselves, and to share it with the world. So thank you for listening to this second podcast on the lover the water. And I'm going to be bringing in the following episodes, a little bit about the air, the what I've called the shamana archetype, the shaman, before we enter details and more specific themes that are raw and alive within us all. So thank you for listening to this episode. And I look forward to continue sharing with us these conversations that are timely in this time and age where we are walking in a tightrope, and we need to know what's real and what's not serving us any longer.