How to Want Sex & Build Deeper Intimacy with Your Partner

No desire for sex with your partner anymore? 

Feeling like intimacy is more of a duty than "Ohh Myy..."  - and you would like to have it back?

(OR ..., you simply want to avoid that from happening in your relationship!)

In this soulful and sensual episode, we explore how to shift from performing to deeply feeling, and from duty to craving. 

• Uncover three different kinds of sexual hunger.
• Move from conditioned choice vs. heartfelt choice.
• Discover common mistakes leading to disempowerment, 

✨ Come home and let go of silent expectations.

This episode is dedicated to you who desire more authenticity, pleasure, and connection with your partner.

Chapters

• 2:15 The 3 Types of Sexual Hunger
• 4:56 Common Mistakes That Kill Desire
• 9:16 Keys for Power and Satisfaction
• 12:33 How to have Vulnerable Communication
• 14:47 Conditioned vs. Heartfelt Choice
• 17:22 The Abundance of Opportunities for Connection
• 18:59 Summary
• 21:39 Breath Meditation

Transcript

0:00

You begin to feel vibrational. And the more vibrational you feel, the more life becomes pleasurable, satisfactory. And you don't need a silicon vibrator. Welcome to the Authentic Ecstasy podcast, a place where we explore our innate intimate freedom, to be relational and enjoy our relationships and the freedom that is within us. And today I want to dedicate this episode on how to enjoy a more fulfilling, juicy, sexual, How to bring back the match between what we long for and what we actually experience. So if you are feeling like you are performing doing it because it's the time to do it. It's more like a duty rather than something I crave this is the podcast for you she knows, she knows. common complaints are that arrive in my field through women again and again. They are feeling that orgasm is difficult to reach unless they are self pleasuring. They feel a sense of performance that they engage in with the person they're with or they simply don't feel like having sex anymore it just leads to disappointment. Exhausted and empty. And they rely more and more onto the self pleasuring techniques dildos, etc. So the first step to enjoying sex is to become aware of the kind of sex you're looking for. One is stimulation and release and that means I am tense, I'm tight, I'm disconnected from the softness I want to feel, the relaxation I want to feel and I need something that's going to give me that effect. I can go into a spa, I can go into drinking a glass of wine, or I can stimulate myself and release myself energetically and for a moment I come out of my mind and I feel relaxed. Second one is I am looking for connection, heartfelt, with someone to really share my feelings, my emotions, and to enter deep intimacy with another. That's a very different context of why am I engaging with this activity? So in the second example of having a need for connection with intimacy, love with another, that's an activity that's require to come out of our heads, to come out of our expectations and memories, and enter a space space of receptivity, of feeling your body, of feeling your emotions, and that requires something that I will talk later on, and I'll give you some tips as to how to bring this about, And the third one, is, I'm seeking for an expanded state of consciousness, for a transpersonal experience, for something that is bigger than my body needs or my heart needs. I want to feel myself in a state that transcends my daily life, my personality, all my hang ups. So I want to go cosmic, man. So it's like different hungers of that expression of sexuality. choice is key. what is the hunger you have and then go about to use your creativity to get that need met. Clarity is essential. With choice comes power and responsibility. Rather than, I am waiting for somebody out there that reads my mind and fulfills what I don't even know that I want. Common mistakes that we make, , that immediately puts us in a position in which we are not going to enjoy it, is that we are entering the situation with someone, even with oneself, with lack of clarity, with a sense of disempowerment, I have to do something so that the other is going to meet that need. So then there begins a process of self betrayal. I don't know what I want and I'm trying it for size. this lack of clarity will make us self betray, have false expectations and demands. Like for example, I want you to make me come and I want to come at least three times. That will be a demand which is disconnected because there I am, I've already stepped out of my own feeling, knowing sense where my power lays. That is the first step that will happen if I am not connected with what it is that I want and how to go about to get what I want. And I am responsible for that. And a good metaphor is like if I go to the kitchen and I open the fridge, and I don't know what I want, I'm going to end up in a dissatisfactory situation and peeking at the fridge and leaving the kitchen highly dissatisfied. The other mistake is I am going to. Please him and imagine what his male,, expectations are, which I've seen it in the collective around me in social media, and I'm going to perform that. I expect that he wants sexy lingerie. I have to turn him on. So at that moment I'm putting a mask, I'm becoming a performer assuming that the other one wants this or that I will get. So it's a form of manipulation. disconnected from myself doing a role play, which is not live in me. And the other common mistake is not bringing clarity to the other person of what it is that you're looking for. And that is your power. Look, I'm so tense, I don't want a big foreplay or anything. All I want is to have an orgasm. How do you feel about that? And I can also share with you what makes me come fast. There is nothing wrong in that moment to, to have a quickie before the kids come home. But it needs to be named as that. It doesn't mean that that's your sexual contact forever and ever. No. We are living beings with different needs There is other moments in which you want to gaze deeply into your partner's eyes, put his hand on your heart and share your feelings, sensations that are happening in you and your need for deep emotional connection. All is allowed. That! As simple as that! And that the other one agrees. There is a consent rather than a silent mutual manipulation. Because don't forget that the other also has an idea of what he wants or she wants. Imagine that the other is looking for softness, for connection, for love, for holding. Well You is looking for quick release and masturbation in our ability to clarify to our partner, to the other, what it is that we are wanting, we will get satisfaction. But the mind which is basically our secret mind that comes from past, from genital memory, will have us have judgments, conflicting ideas of what it is that we should want or not want. And then we are in no man's land. So key for juicy enjoyment of your sex life, step one take responsibility for what it is that you're looking for So In the first kind of sex, we don't need to take your mask off. You can, you can perform, but you're doing it consciously, and that leads you to power and satisfaction. In the second example, of kind of hunger, connection, intimacy, heartfelt vulnerability, being seen, , feeling. In your body, the other's body, the other's emotion, to be at peace with your emotional life, to be able to cry, to be able to love, to be able to stay in that unknown together of what's arising within a feeling body. In order for that to happen, go below your collarbone. opening. to below our headspace, what the mind is telling us, what we have learned, our genital memory. it requires vulnerability, it requires receiving, it requires connection, and you bring that to the table. We take charge. Am I in my mind? Am I present to this moment? Am I present to myself and to the other? If that is not happening, well, there's not going to be the enjoyment. Because it's not a match what you want to achieve and what you're actually doing. If you want to receive something, give it. If you want emotional nakedness and Free of mask, remove yours. So, there is the hunger for energetic release, there is the hunger for emotional connection with another, and there is the hunger for the beyond, for more consciousness, more expansion. Where people go to workshops to meet themselves in a more state than the egoic, basic human needs and personality that we have. And here we could go into what the Tantra world and the Neo Tantra and the trying to elevate our hungers into a more spiritual, expanded cosmic experiences. A more essence to essence rather than the person to person. A sense of really entering the unknown, really coming out of your mental, emotional, and physical expectations and letting the energy do you. Once you're clear what kind of sexual exchange you want, is our ability to communicate and in our history We haven't been allowed or seen our parents talk about this subject It's become a taboo subject and religion etc. So it's only now That we're beginning to articulate our needs and talk about sexuality. So, how are we going to articulate this? For example, you know, I tend to be a stressed out mother. And I've got like 10 minutes before I go to work and I just drop the kids to school., are you up for a quickie right now? That would really make my day fantastic and having an orgasm will make me sparkle. It requires vulnerability to be able to say to your partner, Can we have a quickie and do you like it with lingerie or without it? What is your idea? I mean, those are important conversations. And vulnerability is something deeply hidden. The culture supports us to be. Disconnected from our feeling world, our bodies, our vibration that we are, our cosmic intelligence that lives inside us. And that's another conflict. And that is where the communication skills that we were talking in the other podcast of self revealing come in very handy, And find out, find out about the other. Is this person really able to meet me here? Is that person choosing to go that deep in themselves? If they aren't, then what am I doing there? Ultimately, we are going to meet outside what we are vibrating inside. It's that original clarity that I talked about. Level 1 sexuality, level 2, level 3. What path are you on? Let's get realistic. Rather than stay on out of fear and keep being dissatisfied. Of course you're not going to want to have sex with them, but you're going to do it because otherwise the relationship is over. It's as simple as that. So these are deep communication with yourself and then the art of communicating it with another without blame. Without punishing, how to bring it about is to understand that We are under the effect and reaction of our ancestral line. If we look back, 30, 40, 50 years ago, we would have never heard a woman saying to a man, I want you to give me three orgasms. So what's going on? under what influence I'm in? I'm in reaction to what my grandmothers and my mothers felt sexually and now I'm going to avenge and I'm going to be the sex bomb. Is that what you want or you are just in rebellion? Rebellion, it's in the mind and it's a memory. And to discriminate what we want is not so easy when we are under the influence of social media and these open conversations that we have nowadays about sexuality. And it puts an external superego, which is the collective arising of where We are in reaction or submission, and so I won't know what I want. And this is actually a very important point Knowing what I want comes from feeling my body what am I sensing? What is real? What is my wounding here? Why am I in front of this man and I really desire him and I shy away? Or I disempower him by saying I am more powerful than him. So in that moment I am run. by submission rebellion. So now we are at the pendulum swing, we're exploring the voracious hunger of women's sexuality because before we couldn't do that, so I'm avenging my grandmother that she probably got laid every night without her choice. So now I'm taking my choice by I'm taking a conditioned choice. By the superego, by the collective, which appears in my social media, on my phone every day. So that's not going to make me know what it is that my hunger is. But if I begin to include the heart, If I begin to include my own capacity to feel, if I begin to find my safety within my ground, my body, Something incredible happens There is lots of different opportunities out there to connect again with our bodies through breath, through movement, through dance, through meditation. To make us come out of this submission rebellion that's in our mind. And, for example, what I do is this dance called Shiva Shakti, to become receptors of the energy field. And that would be like, if you go outside and you feel the wind, the hair is moved, your body is moved by the wind. But only under the effect of this element, we say, Oh wow, I'm being affected, I'm being influenced. But the reality is, all the elements, all the field is moving us continuously. But we are defended, we are resistant, we are armored. In the same way, like when we meet another, it impacts us, but we don't allow ourself to feel it. So when we begin to return to this being moved by the energy field around us, Something incredible happens. You begin to feel activated. You begin to feel vibrational. And the more vibrational you feel, the more life becomes pleasurable, satisfactory. And you don't need a silicon vibrator. Because you're already vibrating. And two vibrating beings together, wow, and that's what I believe, at a deeper, deeper level, we long for. So in essence, if you want to enjoy a more juicy, fulfilling sexual life, recognize what is the hunger that you have right now. Is it a quick release? Is it a deep heart connection? Is it an expansion of consciousness? The next stop is your ability to communicate, to get out there and to make it happen. If you want to connect with yourself, There is things that are available for that connection. And the first one is to recognize that you're not connected. That you're empty. That you're looking for fulfillment outside. For external stimulation for these vibrators. And the vibrator doesn't have to be a dildo. It can be a spiritual retreat, a yoga retreat, shopping, , all sorts of. meditations, anything. The spectrum is enormous of what we have access nowadays, the question is who we miss doing this activity and the keys To opening the door to what your body, feelings, mind longs for hence the questions that are there in social media and in my community about our capacity to enjoy sexuality is to reconnect with your body, with your feelings, with your mind. Capacity to feel your sexual energy, and have Um, different practices that bring you back home and gets you out of gazing outside for that hot boy, for that hot woman, for that situation out there that's going to get me out of my emptiness. No, the emptiness is here and I need to start here. And one of the very simple keys to take away is movement. The Shiva Shakti dance, for example, I do twice a month here in Casa del Arte,. And another very simple one is breath. Breath is a royal road to our body, and we usually breathe from up there, shallow breathing, stimulating the upper mind and the thinking, and that keeps us in this anxiety. So right now, take a moment as we're closing this episode, to just close your eyes. And take a breath as it comes. In breath is life. And then there is a very subtle pause. And then there is an out breath, which I call it the letting go. Try to make this out breath longer. The more we let go, the fuller our in breath, our life intake will be. And it will generate us into more energy. More aliveness. And where we're going to focus right now is in the gap between the in breath, the receiving of life, that is a silken, beautiful, little bridge. And then it goes into the out breath. Long letting go. And focus on the bridge. That moment between the in and the out, and the out and the in. And in that in between. The eternal silence, the center where we can begin to bring our awareness and will. Bring your palms upwards and feel your fingertips, you will feel that there is a buzz, a pulse, a vibration. And now it's in your fingertips. And as you enter this awareness of your breath, of the energy in the tip of your fingers, just imagine what would it be like to share this with your partner, with another, to be able to articulate what you want from this place. Thank you for listening. She knows, she knows.