The Grief Gurus

What My Daughter Taught Me 30 Years After Her Death

Lisa Chase McFarland + Carol Banens

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0:00 | 15:53

Grief is part of your story. But not the whole story.

For nearly 30 years, I carried a painful belief about the death of my daughter.

While everyone around me seemed to understand that she was dying, I always felt I was the only one who thought maybe she wouldn't. I felt dumb and wondered how I could have been the only person who didn't see what was happening. At times, I felt angry and betrayed. I even questioned my faith and wondered whether my hope had somehow been misplaced.

Over the years, I told myself a story about what that meant.

Then recently, I encountered research that offered an entirely different perspective.

The research suggested that in moments of extreme fear and uncertainty, the presence of even one person who genuinely believes everything will be okay can have a profound impact on everyone around them. That person's hope can help calm fear, create emotional safety, and provide strength when others are struggling.

As I reflected on that idea, something shifted.

For the first time, I stopped seeing myself as the person who "didn't get it" and began seeing myself as the person who carried hope when hope was desperately needed.

Alexis never had to look into my eyes to see despair. She only saw love and a belief in the possibility of miracles.

My new perspective didn't change what happened. It didn't erase the loss. It didn't remove the pain of losing my daughter.

But it changed the meaning I had attached to that chapter of my life for nearly three decades.

In this conversation, we explore:

• How the stories we tell ourselves can shape our healing
• Why grief sometimes asks us to revisit old beliefs
• The role of hope during life's most difficult moments
• How perspective shifts can create unexpected healing
• Finding compassion for earlier versions of ourselves
• Why meaning-making remains an important part of grief integration

If you've ever carried guilt, regret, embarrassment, or self-judgment about something that happened during a difficult time, this conversation may offer a new way of looking at your own story.

Sometimes healing doesn't come from finding new answers.

Sometimes it comes from asking a different question.

And sometimes, years later, we discover that what we once saw as a weakness may have actually been a gift.

❤️

👉 Follow for tools to navigate grief and difficult emotions and visit www.thegriefgurus.com for practical conversations about grief, coping, and living after loss.

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Show Notes + Resources:

Grief Gurus Healing Community: www.thegriefgurus.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@GriefGurus

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/thegriefgurus

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefgurus/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GriefGurus/

Lisa McFarland: https://lisamcfarland.com/

Carol Banens: https://carolbanens.com/

Information on books written and published by Lisa and Carol can be found on their individual websites, social media profiles and Amazon.