the denmother podcast
A podcast about all things motherhood: the gross, the hilarious, the infuriating. We learn from each other, because after all, momming is more fun when we do it together. Hosted by your newest mom friend, the denmother herself, Kyriaki.
the denmother podcast
4.17 Midwife
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Have you ever thought about using a midwife for your birth? Or maybe you're wondering how to become a midwife yourself. On today's brand new episode of the denmother podcast, we're doing a deep dive into midwifery. Join us!
Melissa Philippe is an afro-indigenous midwife, women's health and holistic wellness and spiritual practitioner. Contact her at any of the links below:
You are listening to the Dead Mother Podcast, the show where no mom topic is off limits. Gross, hilarious, infuriating. It's all here. So get cozy. Grab a treat. And come head with your newest mom friend. The Dead Mother herself, Kydia Keith.
SPEAKER_01Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Dead Mother Podcast. There's my little baby, as always, squawking away. Today we have a very special guest on. We are talking to Melissa Phillips. So she is an Afro-Indigenous midwife, women's health and holistic wellness and spiritual practitioner based out of Atlanta. And she's also a mama to a little girl who's three and a half. Hi Melissa, how are you doing?
SPEAKER_03Hello. How are you?
SPEAKER_01We're doing well. We're baby's a little hungry, so don't mind me as I feed and interview. Here you go. So tell me, tell me about yourself and your family and kind of your transition into motherhood.
SPEAKER_02Yes. So I am like you mentioned, my name is Melissa, of course. And I transition to motherhood. Wow. I feel like because I say that because I always felt like I was a mom. Really? Yes. And I tell people that my um, well, you know, my background is in English. I was an English teacher for about 10 years. And so I love words. I focus on words a lot. And as someone who is multilingual, um, having to balance between multiple languages and finding ways to translate them, I've always known the value of my words. And so um, I have in then in theory learned that being a mom is more than just being um a verb, right? We see a lot of times the the acts of motherhood um carrying and growing children and having families. But being a mom is more than just that. You can be a mom and not have any kids yourself, not have um carry children, not have birth children. I know a lot of aunties, a lot of cousins, a lot of you know, just women in general who are moms. And so I'm an oldest daughter, and I've always known the value of caring for my community, nourishing, nourishing and nurturing other people, educating people, being there for people supporting. And that to me has always been what a mom is and what a mom looks like. And so I always say I've always been a mom. Um, but when I officially, I guess, to others, had my own child, um, that was absolutely amazing and very intentional. My husband and I, we knew what we wanted. We have always done family planning. I have always, you know, tracked my cycles. So I knew, in a sense, and you know, God told me and allowed us to create begin the creation of our family. And um, the transition was very quick. I mean, all of the stories of like it only takes one time, it truly does. No way. Uh, because that was the case for us, it really was one time, and I was like, oh, okay, we are going. We're doing this, and it was absolutely phenomenal. I always knew what it what happened when women in my family um you know announced that they were pregnant, and the way they were treated was one to be jealous of, honestly. It was just so glorious to see the way, oh yes, we honor women, we honor mothers. Um you know, our family runs a new matriarchal system, and so women are everything. And to watch, you know, other women give birth and breastfeed for two plus years and love on their children, it's always been like, I want to do that so bad. And so when I got pregnant, I was like, oh, this is the life. I didn't I couldn't even carry my own dinner plate. Wow, like I couldn't, I was just oh yeah, I'm so taken care of.
SPEAKER_01By the way, I wish that this was the norm. I because A, I think there's so much fear out there about becoming a mom, and there's so many narratives that women go, and I did go into it with a lot of fear. But if you see representation that's like beautiful and lovely and strong and empowered, like, have you ever seen the movie The Woman King with Viola Davis? Yes, it's like that. It's like the little girls who look up to the warriors who are like, I want to be that. I feel like when you see that, then you see another way, you know. But if you're only told the scary parts, then that's what you're get what you expect is what you get. Yeah. Hi, little one. We have a special visitor.
SPEAKER_03Um yes, who is um give me that shirt. Yes, but that's good.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, while you're while you're putting her shirt on, um, I'm just gonna say that I loved everything you were talking about, also about being uh a mom and a mom figure, because as the eldest daughter, I think a lot of oldest daughters are like moms before they have kids. Keep going, do what you gotta do. Um, but yeah, I think that's so good because I had a friend who actually became a doula that we were praying together once, and I heard the word motherhood. And shortly after that, she it was it was crazy because it was not just she got pregnant, she had a baby, but they also fostered um another boy before she got pregnant. They had um, and then she started homeschooling other people's kids, and it was like motherhood times a thousand. And so it's yeah, there's a bigger view and perspective than just having your own kids. And I do love that too, like the village, because I love when people hold my kids, discipline my kids. Like I want them to have lots of lots of authority figures and lots of people to look up to, not just one, especially because they say, you know, as they start to get their independence and teenage years, they start to question their authority. So I want them to have a strong, like a tree with many roots. Like I want it to go deep. But anyway, we could talk about that forever. Uh I know, yes.
SPEAKER_02I'm getting goose post just hearing about that because that friend sounds like me, actually. I have literally done the same thing, I homeschool, and I started my own little Michael school for some time before I full on went into my midwifery training. And it's just it's it's it really does grow and foster into something else, especially like you said, when you're shown different perspectives, um, when you're shown different perspectives and you're able to look at them with value and see them more than just for what it is, see the sacrifice within them, see the the people as individuals, and actually say, like, wow, you know, like everyone's everyone is doing their own life, and so every choice that someone makes impacts, obviously, everyone else around them, whether you want to think about it like that or not. Um, and so a lot of times as older siblings, I was always told, like, you have to watch out for them, like everything you do, they're going to do as well. And of course, when you're a kid, that's unfair because I didn't ask for them. Yeah, you know, like I was just the middle of my own life, and here we are now. Um, but like I I also just my mom and my family, they really cater to once again community. And you it doesn't matter if you don't like to have to sit at the dinner table and eat with everyone and try to talk to people and be around family and parties and stuff, but we're gonna go. We're gonna do this. And it really does teach you, like, oh yeah, this is actually yeah.
SPEAKER_01Totally. I love that. And speaking of your midwifery training, can you tell us a little bit about how you decided to go into that practice? What the difference is for those of us who don't know, between a midwife and a doula, and kind of why you chose being a midwife over maybe more traditional medicine.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. Um so of I always tell people, because when people see or hear what I do, they're like, how do you do it all? Like, how do you balance all of this? And that goes in with why I chose to be a midwife at first. Um, because I I absolutely was fighting this career, actually. Um, you know, because just once again, you grow up in in these communities and you're being told this is what you have to do, and this is what you have to do, and this is what you have to do. And I I did not like that for the longest because it's like, can I try something that I want to do maybe? Like, maybe I don't want to be a doctor or a nurse or a therapist, um, because I have so many people in my family who who have joined those careers, and I'm like, I want to do something else and something different. Um, once again, not realizing that my purpose was to serve others, and I love serving people, um, but I was also fighting that as well. And so I actually, like I mentioned earlier, I started off as an English teacher, and I love teaching. I taught from I literally taught all grades from pre-K up until undergrad, and I love, oh yes, I love every single group of students that I had the opportunity to meet and still connect with to this day. I have some college students that just graduated college and I'm like, wow. Um, it's beautiful. It's it's all it's it's such a it's such a blessing to be able to say that I've been able to walk with people through different stages of their lives and support them in different ways. And so I, you know, as a teacher seeing all walks of life, and I'm a proud public school alumni, um, I understand that not everyone is it has access to, it's not necessarily resources because I grew up, you know, in an impoverished neighborhood and you know, overpopulated zone school and all of these other ailments and and situations in our neighborhood, but my mom was very serious about education. Like we did not come to America to play, okay? I did not leave my beautiful land to come here and act a fool. And so education was very serious. And so when I saw that other kids were in the fifth grade, the seventh grade, and they did not know what the capital of the United States was, like, where does the president live? That is very sad. And so I pushed through, you know, for literacy for all, and I still do those programs as well because I believe education is important for all people, and so I I I was also in the same time getting kind of upset that I was meeting these kids, I felt like too late. You know, I would go home almost all a lot of times crying because I'm like, what? I can't, I can't keep doing everything, there's just no support. It's it's really tiring. And so um, while I was pregnant, I be I started doing my training to become a doula. Um, but I go by birthkeeper, which is fairly similar to a doula, but um attached to my my previous knowledge in you know African, Haitian, I'm also Taino. So indigenous practices and medicine and holistic wellness. Um my family were farmers and stuff. So having all of this previous knowledge is a lot different than um a doula and a lot of doula training. And so I go by the term birthkeeper. And um, you know, just having my daughter and being able to be a support system for other women and just being literally just being there, I was like, once again, I feel like I can do more. And um, you know, I noticed that of course I appreciate the technology and modern medicine for what it can do, but birth is not an emergency. Uh, we have to also understand as much as we like to highlight the fears because they are important, only less than 10% of pregnancies are actually high risk before you're even pregnant or before you know, with with things that come with it. That is a very low number when we see how many pregnancies go on in even just one day. So when you look at that, that means there's about you know, we will say less than 90% of women that can have non-traumatic, um, healthy pregnancies and postpartum journeys, but they're not. And it's it's really for no reason, honestly. Um not having financial capabilities should not be an indicator for why you have a traumatic birth. It just does not, it does not correlate to me. And so I decided that I wanted to go the traditional route for midwifery because it fit more of the lifestyle and the culture that I'm a part of. And also I did not want to have Western influences in my teachings and in my um methods of practice as well. Um, I wanted to make sure that I spoke with indigenous tribes. I first trained and was under the preceptor in um Washington, under the Cowlix tribe there, and then also the Cherokee tribe here. Um my grandma is a midwife, she passed away. And so just being able to um remember all of these teachings and learn from so many wonderful women, um, that was really important to me, and I didn't want to have to sacrifice that because I'm within a hospital and I have to follow these business protocols instead of health protocols and human protocols that matter first. And so, yeah, that's how I got into midwifery. And the difference between Adula and a midwife is grand, of course. Uh, doula is is mainly here and should truly should only be here for emotional support, physical support if you want some massages, if you need counterpressure massaging during active labor, of course, any techniques like a rebozo, the yoga ball, peanut ball, they'll be there to assist you and um allow you to, you know, go through any breathing techniques that you might have learned either through them or through classes or through a midwife or anyone that you are also partnering with for your pregnancy and for your you know motherhood journey. And um, so they're there to be a support system for that. I always say Adul is a friend, really. That is really what they are. And so anyone who is skilled and there to that you like enough to talk to you and that you wouldn't, you know, you know that they would have great words, they'll be able to either pray for you, pray over you. Um, they know, you know, they can redirect how you're breathing and things of that nature. They can help your your partner out as well, or other kids. Um, that is really what a doula is. Meanwhile, a midwife is um, so there's two kinds. There's a non-medical midwife, or there's obviously a medical midwife. I operate as a non-medical midwife, but I also have different trainings like phobotomy, um, CPR, of course, and other um trainings, but of you know, the main difference between even those two is just kind of the training that you have. There's more medical training, of course. You are able to administer catheters if you need to, any um, if you need to administer pitocin or any IV drips, um, do surgical procedures like um suturing, and then you know, small smaller trainings that you would have um more in-depth in the medical field versus non-medical training. We really do focus on um, of course, low risk home births mainly. But if you are at a birthing center, we can accompany you. I have always accompanied people as well who may not necessarily need a midwife, but they need a birthkeeper. Of course, I will be there. We partner up with your midwife, your current midwife, or your current provider. And I always say we're a team. The my focus is is the woman. I don't really I don't really care about all of the other fluff that you you know you guys have going on, but um, the focus is the woman and of course the baby. But without the woman, we don't have anything else. And so um what what we have to listen to her first. What does she want? What is her concerns? What are her risks? What what can we do? What are her options? And so that is, of course, the main difference between those two kinds of midwives, but a midwife and a um that's beautiful.
SPEAKER_01I think too what you were talking about with the more traditional medicine versus what you do, because I do think that birth is also very spiritual. And when it's only seen as medical, you lose such a big part of it. And so I love that it seems that you're bringing that spirituality to the space, but also your own heritage and that like beauty of being a woman and all those like softer sides. So that's really, really cool. And I love your perspective, and I love your heart is so caring and such a servant's heart. Um, so you talked briefly about your training, but what is the training? Is there a school of midwifery? Where do you go to get trained? There is, okay.
SPEAKER_02So yes, so so there's so many pathways, and that is what's beautiful um about life in general, because there's not one way that you can, you know, get to something. And so there's so many different pathways for midwifery specifically. The pathway that I chose is considered the traditional path because this is um you're not under a most of them, you're under a preceptor, so you are doing an apprenticeship, like most trainings. You know, you're you're shadowing someone, you're training, you're looking at how other people are doing the work, and then you add your own twist to it, you learn through, you know, trade and through actually the experiences, and then you create your own, you know, way of doing things, and you either pass that along and you continue it on. And so um, my route was through an apprenticeship model, and you can partner up with a trained or an elder midwife, and this midwife would have been training and in in this realm for over 25 years, 30 years, have assisted in over thousands of births, have mentored thousands of other women or hundreds of truly of other women, um, and is a community midwife. They are here for their community and also different pockets of communities as well. But um, especially depending on where you are, you may you know have to focus on certain communities and or tribes. And so that's the route that I chose because that is, like I said, more closely aligned to what I am used to and just my culture in general. And then there is a CPM, which is a certified professional midwife, and with that, there is a school of midwifery. There's multiple schools of midwifery actually, um, and you will um train through there. It's usually a three-year program. Most of these are about two to three years, depending on how quickly and how often you are able to um be mentored and actually have uh one-on-one or you know, in you know, on the field training with that. But then yes, the CPM, you practice through this model, uh the same midwifery model of school, but it's kind of more traditional, almost like a college in a sense. And you do that and then you test out, like most places you test for the NARM, and then now you are a certified professional midwife. And then there's also a certified nurse midwife, which is most times when people are if within a hospital or an OBDYN practice, they will say, Oh, I don't have an I don't have an OB or a gynecologist, I have a midwife. And so they would be a certified nurse midwife, um, which is a woman who or person wrong who has a master's in midwifery. And so those are the the those are truly like the three different pathways, but there's you know, few others in between those, of course. And so I chose the traditional vow. Um because it just fit me, honestly.
SPEAKER_01Um, so what is the most rewarding part of your work? And do you have any stories that like just in that moment you were like, yeah, this is this is why I'm called to this?
SPEAKER_02Uh every moment is and I always I say things and sometimes I'm like, that sounds so appreciative. No, but it's so true because honestly, there's so I love people. Um and I love love a lot. I I always say I under I now that I've I've accepted fully who I am, I thank God so much for for making me who I am and and and really cultivating me to do this work because I truly am called for this. And I that's my reward is that the the very thing that I I am here for, I really love it. Whether I get paid or not, whether people notice me or not. Um there's so many times that you know, you know, you you're on social media or you're just kind of in in the world and you're like, dang, you know, no one knows me, or or this other person is so famous, or this this is happening, you know, these other things. Oh yes. And I always say comparison is a thief of joy and um I need joy in my life. And so I I really love the time that I'm able to spend with people. When people say, like, oh, I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_03It's like, yes, I can teach you something new.
SPEAKER_02That to me is such a yes, it's it's that to me is such a beautiful award. Um but uh there's so many, there's so many clients and so many people that I've I've come across that come to my mind immediately. Um but the one that stands out to me the most is is the one that I always say she is the one that made me a midwife, um, because she was my final birth that I needed to do by myself. Um and so she, you know, she was what like completed in theory my training. And uh like when I when I talk about it, I get emotional because it was it was exactly what God intended it to be. And I think so many times we as a society we we love to have control. We like to think we have so much control because we can do this, we can just call a person and this will change and this won't happen, and this will happen. Um, but pregnancy really, really has you sit down and say, like, I am I am nothing compared to the creator. Like I quite literally did nothing but have sex and now we're here. Like I did not create a kidney, I could not recreate these things myself, if you were to even ask me. Um, they were just I was just the vessel, and it's in that appreciation of life and love, true love. Um, the essence of God in Himself is it was beautiful, and you just you can feel there was a moment where um she was contracting and I can tell that the baby was was coming, and um there was just a moment where God was just like give give her some space, and you know, I asked her and she was like she was like, Yeah, but can you just be like right here if I need you? And I was like, of course. And um, she was, you know, doing some she was kind of you know swaying back and forth, and I and I told her husband, I was like, go go with her because this these are kind of like your they have a child already, but I was like, these are she needs you right now. And in that moment, the way that they were just covered was so uh beautiful, the presence of God was just so strong. Um the the aura completely changed the silence. It was just everyone heard her. She had a two-year-old at the time, and you know, she was she up and kind of active because she could tell mom was going through something, and everyone was silent. It was just like beautiful. It was really um it it just it just once again showed me all of the things that I've ever seen in my life. Like he is always here, he's always here in these great, uh great moments. Um, even when you're scared, when you feel like you know, this was her first time doing this. This was considered a free birth. Um you know, so minimal, minimal to no interventions at all. It was it was glorious, it was just so beautiful. And um it just it just pushed me even harder to want to have, you know, I always say like the way I who I am, I don't want other women to feel like they have to go this route. Um but I want you to feel just as empowered in whatever decision you make, um, whether that be in a hospital, whether that be for a Schedule C section, inductions, whatever it is at home, um that you feel so strongly in what you're doing that you can really just relax in it and just say just thank you. And you know, just go with that.
SPEAKER_01And um that's beautiful to me, and that's the absolutely, yeah. I I love her. I love that story. It's like, and even what you're talking about about being the vessel, it's so true. It shows you how small you are and how weak you are, you know. Women especially are so strong. And I remember my first pregnancy, it was like I went from a hundred miles an hour to like five miles an hour, and I was just so frustrated, but I could I was so sick. That whole pregnancy was so hard, and it was just it showed me my limitations in the best way. Um, like you were saying, it really puts it in perspective and shows you how small you really are, and I think it's a great thing to experience that. But I love that. So, for your own birth, did you have a midwife? Or how did you you did a different midwife, not you, obviously?
SPEAKER_02Yes, yes. At that time, I was um I got pregnant at 24 and so young. Um, and you know, I at least young in my mind. I when I got pregnant, to me, it was not really like the time. And so there was a lot of things that I felt like, you know, I was still very fearful. Um, I I I'm not who I was then for sure. Um, and so very fearful then. Um I I myself had a doula as well. Um, and so I I you know I had all the things, at least I felt like, you know, that I was equipped. I did all the classes, I did the hypnotherapy, the hypnobirthing, the lamas, um the the chiropractor went every single week, you know, every two weeks at one point, every month. And I was very, very active and intentional about everything. Uh uh, the I I I I definitely operated still in fear and was was still trying to have control in a lot of aspects. Um, and I did not understand rest as well, especially, you know, just once again, being a a black woman, being a Haitian woman, you're we're told that we we don't deserve rest really, or that we have had we have to to look like we deserve rest. Yeah, we have to have yes, and and absolutely not. Um, I always tell I always remind people, especially people of faith, like God rested and he did not have to. He told that to us on purpose because he needs us to understand, we're yeah, like you're not me. And so I need to rest, yeah, you absolutely need to rest. And so when you're in positions where once again, if you if you don't understand who you are and and not just the strengths that you have, but with those strengths, you have to heal and rest in that. Um, oh your your body will tell you, and your body will make you still and um it was it was very interesting. Yeah, and so I can't wait to do it again for sure, and just have a different experience. Oh my gosh, I just every I just I had a um a birth yesterday, and so uh I every time I have one, I'm like, oh you're ready.
SPEAKER_01Well, I love I love what you that you acknowledge the fear. I think a lot of faith-based people always say, Well, God didn't give us a spirit of fear, and they quote that verse. And maybe he didn't give us a spirit of fear, but he did give us fear. Fear helps us, you know, fear, and I remember with my first, um, it was actually fear that was keeping me from getting pregnant in the beginning. And when I released my fear, we got pregnant immediately. But then there was also a different fear in me where I was like, I don't like that, I don't know, this feels massive, this feels big. And my husband was trying to comfort me and was like, women have done this for thousands of years. You got this, it's gonna be fine. And I was like, that doesn't feel and I think I intuitively knew, um, like you were saying, your body knows when it pushes itself to the limit, because I had a couple of health issues that were dormant that uh the trauma of birth brought out that I think intuitively I knew like something is off. And um, so sometimes fear is valid. And even right, and even though you had that beautiful example of motherhood and womanhood, you still had it too. So it's totally normal to be afraid sometimes, you know? Um, and I love the rest piece. Yeah, we it we need to learn to rest, we need to practice rest because it's not, it doesn't come easily and it doesn't come naturally, especially if you're well, I'm gonna say an immigrant woman too, or if you're raised by an immigrant woman, because I feel like I'm first generation in this country, and that's the example that I had was just you work, work, work, work, work, and then you crash. And so learning another way uh is really good. And then practicing, like carving out the time and practicing rest is so good. Um, okay, so you talked about the most rewarding. What's the most challenging thing about being a midwife?
SPEAKER_02The funny enough, the most challenging is is it's like it's like you know, same coin, just different side. Um, is also that fear part of kind of just pregnancy and motherhood. I think a lot of times, especially as a you know, and I I I always say that I focus on Western society because I do want to make it clear outside of America and a lot of other, you know, very modern developed nations, um, people are still doing this. You know, people people have continued on with this form of motherhood and pregnancy still. And though we hear so much of, oh, you know, there this disparities and the mortality rates and this and and the death tolls, um, we have to also understand why that is happening. They're not happening because the women themselves are sick, they're happening because their countries are literally being destabilized and corrupted, and the water is being poisoned, and their food supply is being taken away so it could be imported to other people, and all of these things. I mean, you know, sometimes we just have to kind of get outside of this bubble that we are so used to and remember that there's so much more to life and to the activity that we're so used to in this nation as well. And so I I am also a woman's health practitioner, and so I I tell people like, if you can get to me before we're pregnant, that would be amazing. Because this is, you know, there's plenty of women who don't go to their OBGYN and they don't know that midwives can see them. And so we can talk about how, you know, why you may have PCOS or why you may have fibroids or why you have headaches every time it's your menstrual cycle. Or there's a lot of women that I'm I'm just you know, I'm teaching or I'm I'm in um trainings with, and they're you know, 35 plus, and they're like, I didn't know I had four cycles. I didn't understand why, you know, during a certain week in the month I just wanted to, I wanted my partner a lot, or sometimes I wanted to rest, or sometimes, and it's like, yeah, because you're in a different cycle. You might be in your noodle phase right now, you might be ovulating, or you might be in your follicle. And they're like, wait, they have names, and I'm like, Yes, you're not, you're not just going crazy. You know that? Like your hormones are doing something. Yeah, you like your body is doing something. Yes, and it and it's it's it's that realization of like, oh, like, okay, but so many times I um am meeting women, unf you know, it's like unfortunately a little, once again, it's it feels like to me at least, like too late. Um, where it's like we're 27 weeks pregnant, it's like, oh, this is great, you know, now we have a a belly, but there's so many things that we kind of missed out in those first few months. Um, maybe you had HG, maybe um you were you were kind of worried, maybe you had a uh miscarriage, you you know, you were pregnant before and you had a miscarriage, or maybe you've had an abortion and you weren't sure, maybe you were on birth control and you you're trying to do different things. And so sometimes that is, you know, one of those, like that downside, or you know, the the opposite effect of of being a midwife, at least, and just that concern, um, because that contributes to the fear, um, what you don't know and what you don't understand. And so it's kind of playing catch up. And typically I'm pretty good because I'm very consistent. I am on my oh I'm on my sister's behind. Like I am, I bring out that older sister uh energy very, very immediately. And I've had a lot of people tell me, like, that's why I'm I book you, that's why I'm with you, because you're on me, and you it's I always tell people I'm not nice, I'm kind. Um, because you know, once again, as an English teacher, those are two different words. Um, I'm using the fruit of the spirit. So this I'm bringing you love, but I'm I'm I'm also disciplining you at the same time. This is a true mentorship as well. And I always tell um women that I meet, like once you see my face, we're connected. I'm so sorry. And like if you thought this was gonna be like a one-off meeting and it was just like bye, you didn't know, like you're a part of the sisterhood now. I can't just let you go and tether you off to the to the world. No, if you need me, you don't have to, you know, it doesn't have to be a financial situation. Call on me, please, message me, please. I don't, and that gets me emotional too, but I never ever ever want someone to feel alone because I have women in my family who suffered through miscarriages, who suffered through reproductive issues, who suffered through PCOS, and they were told they were crazy. They tried different and very, you know, interesting ways and medicines and other methods of trying to to do things, and it's just like I wish, you know, as a as a child, obviously I couldn't help, but it was it was it broke my heart seeing that as well. Um, I talk so much about all the positives I saw, but I saw a lot of a lot of darkness as well. Um, and I'm also you know, I also do end of life, and so I tell people I do everything from the birth to the end because it's all connected. If you can appreciate life, you can also appreciate the end of it as well, and come to a true understanding of that. And so um, once again, it's just that fear, and like you mentioned earlier, God gave us fear as an emotion, but not for us to to lead into fear and have it hold us back. That's the enemy trying to do that, but it's fear and being reminded that we have we're covered in the armor of God, that we have his protection, that we also have the knowledge that he's you know put us in in our path, that all of these things that we've encountered, all of these ways that he's shaped and molded us, we use that to catapult the fear out of us and get to our purpose. And I always tell people if you're fearful, use that as a force. Don't use it to drown yourself, use it to elevate you. Because you know, being fearful is also being it's a spirit of discernment. Understanding what's happening and how you can utilize exactly. But where we once again, the enemy wants us to to use our minds and trick us and say, no, no, no, you shouldn't, you shouldn't even want to cross any doors that look like this or anything or try anything. That's where a lot of times that fear comes in and it's dangerous because it doesn't allow you to actually experience God's trueness and what he wants for us in our lives. And so I come in once again as that um, I always say I'm a bridge. Um I come in to to to help people understand that. Um, because that's what I'm here for as a as a thing as a teacher, really.
SPEAKER_01That's beautiful. So if if a mom wanted to go down this route, and actually I'm gonna ask you both. So if a mom wanted to have a birth with a midwife or wants to become a midwife, where would they go to find resources?
SPEAKER_02Yes, so definitely first reach out to me. I have also a directory of other birth workers within the community. And so if you are looking for anyone, any kind of um holistic care even, even a pelvic floor therapist, because we are working with everyone mental health therapists, um, other doulas, birth keepers, all kinds of birth workers. And so reach out to me so we can discuss what your plans are, what you were looking at, what are your options as well, especially if you have insurance, if you have Medicaid, um, there's a lot more Medicaid um insurance that are opening up doula programs, and so you have that accessible to you at 100% no cost if a midwife is not necessarily covered through your insurance. Um, but having a midwife typically is I don't want to say easy, but you can go through your insurance and see if they cover midwives, of course. Usually they will if they're within a hospital. There are a lot of midwives though that even though they are within a hospital, they still provide a true um model of midwifery care to you. And so though your setting may be different, the level of care that you receive does not change. And so you can still go that route if you wanted if you um if you wanted to use your insurance, but for out-of-pocket, typically midwives are um an out-of-pocket cost, unfortunately, just with um priorities and I guess funding with with the government, and so um, yeah, so midwives are typically out of pocket, like I mentioned, and also if you wanted to become a midwife, there's so many different ways and avenues to becoming a midwife, and so many options as well. Um, I myself have begun my own mentorship program, and so if someone was interested in even just starting their own um doula business or birth work in general, um maybe you feel called to doing that. I provide mentorship as well, and I also know other lovely women that provide mentorship and training, and so like I said, I'm a bridge, and so if whether it's me, it's gonna be someone, but we're gonna find someone for you, absolutely, and we're gonna make sure that you you get what you're looking for in um all the settings.
SPEAKER_01I love that. Oh man, she is so cute. Hi, cutie. She's so cute. Well, we are getting toward the end, so I'll ask you our question of the week and then we'll ask where to find you. So, our question of the week this week. Who is a personal hero of yours and why?
SPEAKER_02My mama. Tell me about her. Um, yes, my mom. She is, I would say she's she's I've never had any idols or I never looked up to like celebrities or anybody like that. My mom is everything to me. You know, she just coming coming from Haiti, coming to this country with nothing, you know, essentially um leaving behind such rich richness. Literally, I mean, we have a compound, we have acres, we have, you know, we have beachfront views. I it's just to leave paradise to come to the concrete jungle, it's like, oh, why did you do this? But I also understand, too, um at the same time, and I've you know, we've talked about that as I've you know grown and become a a woman and now I can see both sides. Um, but she is she is truly one of my sources of inspiration. She has always taught me to to love myself, love God, love others. Um, she was a a nurse's assistant, and so she worked at a nursing home. And so I saw the way that she loved people, I saw the way that she treated others, um, no matter how they treated her. Honestly, I have I have heard people talk about her, talk to her in any way, and she still came to work lovely, smiling, and she never took that back home. She left whatever it was, where it was, and she came home and she was an amazing mom. She was everything and more. And I do so much of my work to really give honor and you know, tribute to her as well. Um, because she is so proud of me. And it's, you know, you know, when you're a child of an immigrant and immigrant yourself, you know, it's it's very nice. It's not rare, but you know, she's not gonna tell me these things, but like I like here overhearing how she talks about me, and it's just so like that's me. That is me. Um, and I know she she loves hearing like people tell her, like, oh, I saw your daughter do this, and she's like, Yeah, that's my baby. That's it's like, yeah. Um, and so that, yeah, that's my mom.
SPEAKER_01I love um now. Tell me where can people find you?
SPEAKER_02Oh, yes. So people can find me literally anywhere and everywhere. I'd love to say I am on Facebook, of course, as Melissa Phillip. I also have a page there, and um, you can find me on my website first. That is where you will be able to find and track me everywhere. My website is um www.faithinmama.com. And through my website, you can find all of my social medias. I we are on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, YouTube, Twitter, Blue Sky, Um, Tumblr, like we're everywhere. We also have a podcast um that is you know a little dormant at the moment, but we still have our episodes live and they're still very relevant. And so if you wanted to listen to us, you can. Um you can also find us through um, you know, if you're local to us, we are always within our community. I also am always traveling, like I mentioned. And so if you are can you know connected with us on social media, please just reach out to me. I am literally always in somebody's city. And so if you, you know, if you want to connect, collaborate, you want me to participate in something. I always tell people like I'm here for everyone. And so, however you want to find me, you can literally just Google me and I will be there as well. And so those are definitely the ways that um people can reach out and speak with me and connect with me.
SPEAKER_01Beautiful. I appreciate you so much, so enlightening. I loved our talk. Thank you so much for being on today.
SPEAKER_02Thank you so much for having me. I absolutely love your podcast, I love your platform and what you are doing. This is absolutely beautiful, and I love just the rawness that this is what motherhood is. And I tell people like, you ask me how I do it all. This is this is how I do it all. Like, I wouldn't be able to do my business if I couldn't do it like this. Um because I want to still be at home with my baby girl, and so I understand the sacrifices, and I also partner with people that understand that sacrifice and are still willing to work with me despite you know some of the background noise, but they understand like we're here. I got your focus exactly, and so I think that that is beautiful, and so I I really do appreciate this opportunity.
SPEAKER_01Oh, my pleasure, and let's stay connected for real.
SPEAKER_02Yes, yes, please. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Oh, thanks, Melissa. Oh, absolutely. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01This has been the Denn Mother Podcast. Remember, new episodes drop every other Tuesday. If you've enjoyed today's episode, please leave a review. It really does help. Special thanks to Jose Cerna for our theme music, Katie Legout for our cover art, and Amber Faith for our intro.
