EP 28: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE & MOTHERHOOD with Rosie Spooner brought to you by WHITE RIBBON AUSTRALIA

Trigger warning for this episode! We cover all things Domestic Violence and Survival so if you need support please call 1800RESPECT.  This episode is also brought to you by WHITE RIBBON AUSTRALIA.  White Ribbon Australia is a part of a global social movement working to eliminate gendered violence. They strive for an Australian society where all women and children are safe. White Ribbon is the world’s largest movement engaging men and boys to end men’s violence against women and girls, promote gender equality and create new opportunities for men to build positive, healthy and respectful relationships. If you would like to donate to their Tax appeal which finished on June 30th please click HERE- Every cent counts.

My mum is one of those people who you don’t forget when you meet her- she is beautiful, has a positivity that is extremely infectious, a love for life that is astounding, can do anything. What a lot of people don’t know about my mum who don’t know her closely is that she was in an abusive relationship for over 13 years as she raised my sister and I. She survived being married to my dad, who at several times has told me that if mum didn’t leave, he would have killed her. Mum, Emily and I lived in hiding multiple times and like many women/mothers dealing with DV, it took her several times to leave dad. But, ultimately, she raised Emily and I with passion, love, adventure and tried her best in her given circumstances- I am SO PUMPED to have mum on the Podcast. She talks us through:

* Navigating Motherhood and Pumping whilst living in a DV situation

* What were the warning signs for DV?

* Who was her support and did that dwindle as dads behavior became more dangerous?

* What was the state of mums mental health during this time?

* The final incidents that forced mum to leave and also going back several times before this

* Advice for any women who are living in a DV situation and or afraid to leave?

* Leaving as the most dangerous time and support

* How mum managed to work as a professional photographer for years to support yourself and regain financial independence

In terms of resources there is an extensive list HERE for anyone looking for support and further information.

Love you all xxx

Transcript

Sophie: Before we begin, we are grateful to live and work on land that holds the stories of the Dreamtime. I pay my respects and honour the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders past, present & emerging and acknowledge the stories, traditions and living cultures of our First Nations People. 

 "This episode is brought to you by White Ribbon Australia- Preventing Men's Violence Against Women who's core vision is one where every woman is free from all forms of men's violence and abuse."

Hays: My mum is one of those people who you don’t forget when you meet her- she is beautiful, has a positivity that is extremely infectious, a love for life that is astounding, can do anything- like- play the saxophone exceptionally well, build a house or renovate a dive apartment, skate, surf, take incredible photos, is a cinematographer, a film teacher and is also very good at maths (which I did NOT inherent ahaha) and is most of all an AMAZING mum to my sister Emily and I. Mum hasn’t always had it easy growing up, she tragically lost her dad who she absolutely adored in a freak gliding accident when she was 11 years old. Mum is one of five and all of her siblings handled the grief in their own unique ways. 

Mum also lost her beautiful mum two years ago who went so peacefully with all of us surrounded by her and singing- it was so special. What a lot of people don’t know about my mum who don’t know her closely is that she was in an abusive relationship for over 13 years as she raised my sister and I. She survived being married to my dad who at several times has told me that if mum didn’t leave, he would have killed her. Mum, Emily and I lived in hiding multiple times and like many women/mothers dealing with DV, it took her several times to leave dad. But, ultimately, she raised Emily and I with passion, love, adventure and tried her best in her given circumstances- I am SO PUMPED to have mum on the Podcast- Welcome Rosie Spooner- who used to be Rosemary Olive Flowers- when married to dad- what a name! Mum is now married to my step dad Waz and they both live a wonderful and relaxed life in Surfers Paradise. So, this story, not like all, has a very happy ending!

Hays: Firstly, We are PUMPED to have you with us today! Thanks for taking the time as a screen and media trainer. Do you have a funny Motherhood story for us mumma?

Hays: Given that this poddy is entitled PUMPED? Did you pump with Em or I? Feeding journey? 

Hays: Now, as explained in your intro- you lived in a DV situation for 13 years mum- how was it to navigate that with two babies? Did you see the warning signs?

Hays: Did you have a village when raising Emily and I? Who was your support and did that support stay or slowly dwindle as dad's behavior became more dangerous?

" This is a quick shout out to our Sponsors- White Ribbon Australia: As a society, we need to change the social norms that condone disrespect, sexual harassment and abuse, which are the drivers of violence against women. We need to address the beliefs about rigid gender stereotypes and power and get behind whole-of-population initiatives, just like our Community Partners and Community Action Groups are doing.You can make a difference! Donate to their Tax Appeal Campaign by the 30th of June via the link in our show notes and show your support for White Ribbon Australia".

Hays: Do you remember the state of your mental health during the 4th trimester and onwards as your bubs grew up? 

Hays: What has been the most beautiful part of Motherhood for you? 

Hays: Do you remember the day or the final incidents that made you want to leave dad? 

Hays: What advice would you give to any new mumma or to a mum who is living in a DV situation and is afraid to leave?

Hays: Now, you are an extremely independent person, you managed to work as a professional photographer for years to support yourself and Em and I, even when we lived in hiding…How was that for you?

Hays: What's one thing that you do for yourself if you can? Self care or fun?

Soph: So to wrap up as we usually do can you please give us three words that summarise Motherhood for you?