We’re diving deep today as we get into the 5 common yet sneaky things holding back from long-term weight loss results. You can apply this information to many other aspects of wellness and physique change, too! If behavior change was as easy as just hearing information, that would be lovely, and I’d also be out of a job:) There’s a reason so many women struggle to see results! Let’s dive into five of them.
In this episode, I cover:
Get on the SLA Waitlist!
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
Follow me on Tiktok: @jessiemgolden
Subscribe to my Youtube channel
We’re diving deep today as we get into the 5 common yet sneaky things holding back from long-term weight loss results. You can apply this information to many other aspects of wellness and physique change, too! If behavior change was as easy as just hearing information, that would be lovely, and I’d also be out of a job:) There’s a reason so many women struggle to see results! Let’s dive into five of them.
In this episode, I cover:
Get on the SLA Waitlist!
Feedback? Questions? Comments? Head on over to Instagram and let me know in my DMs!
FREE TRAINING
COURSES
Follow me on Tiktok: @jessiemgolden
Subscribe to my Youtube channel
[00:00:00] Welcome back. Yes. Welcome back because I know you've been here before, or at least I hope you have to the Jesse Golden podcast, we are diving into a juicy one today. The five. Often unspoken things, holding women back from long term weight loss. So these are not going to be the typical things that you hear. Or you're at a calorie deficit. Yes, maybe that's part of it, but we are complex human beings.
And if changing human behavior was as simple as, Hey, just do this, we would not have problems in life. We just wouldn't. Right. But that's not how we work. So we have to think. More deeply. And this is why. Viewing your journey. Really anything, but we're talking about weight loss here. Body change, fat loss. Viewing this through the lens of I'm a whole complex human being, not just a lab rat.
I say that often on social media, we are not lab rats. So viewing things in isolation. Is not going to help you. You need to view yourself as a [00:01:00] holistic whole entire being. You're your own little ecosystem. And we have several little ecosystems within you. So let's go ahead. And dive in here. Five. Unspoken, commonly unspoken things, holding women back from long term fat loss. Number one is. Often. Identity is fused with limitations. Like a health issue.
And I know that can sound insensitive. So give me a second here to explain. To be clear. I am not saying that these things are not real, like PCO S like insulin resistance, like having any other health issue that can absolutely make things more difficult. I want to be clear. Yes. These things. If we were to pair. Someone with PCO S sometimes their basal metabolic rate. Can be lower. Uh, by quite a bit as compared to somebody else who doesn't have, it does not always happen this way, but it can.
And so if we were to compare two women who have all other things created equally, one woman has [00:02:00] PCOM that causes her BMR to be lower. And the other woman doesn't yes. The woman with PCOS is going to struggle. More. I shouldn't say struggle more. Things are going to be more difficult on paper, right?
And this is where I. I want to be very clear that I'm being very compassionate with this because I have had chronic health issues. I know how frustrating it is. I have Hashimoto's. I've had so many home hormonal issues. I know things can be really, really frustrating. But the tough love. And really when I say tough love, it's just loving approach. Is getting real with ourselves and saying, okay, I have two choices. Yes, things are more difficult.
Can be. I would actually invite you to look at things through the lens of maybe they get to be easy for me. Maybe I've just told myself this story, that things have to be difficult. And that's really the core of what I'm getting at with this point. But even let's just say, things are really difficult for [00:03:00] you.
We have two choices. And you can choose to do whatever you want. You can say, you know what. I actually don't want to work this much harder and I just am fine being where I am. I love that for you. That is a totally legitimate choice. You can also say these are the cards that I'm currently dealt. And I can choose to still go after my goal, understanding that yes, if I compare myself to somebody else, It might be more difficult. But I'm going to accept that and continue to do it anyway. So those are options, right? But oftentimes what I'm seeing, especially on social media, I've been more active on Tik TOK recently is a lot of women saying, well, a calorie deficit does not matter because I have XYZ health issue.
I have this, that, and the other, and. Again, I hear you. I know that those things can make things extremely challenging. They can, but what if. Part of it. It's just a story you're telling yourself. What if you've told yourself? That things are so [00:04:00] challenging because you've been listening to everybody.
Else's stories. If they have the same medical condition or you come from a family that just told you that things are always going to be hard for you. I have a friend, her family just said, you're always going to struggle with your weight. That's what she was told. So, of course, what do you think is going to happen? When I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's, I went down a rabbit hole guys on. The internet. I can't even tell you what websites I was on.
I was all over the internet. And I eventually worked myself into such a tizzy that I said never again, will I get on any of these websites, forums, anything? I will never Google something else about how she met us ever again. Because all I was hearing and seeing was doomsday. About how my life is over, how I'm going to gain 50 pounds overnight, how my health is going to suffer, how I have to, I can never eat XYZ thing ever again.
It was just negativity, doom, and gloom. And I just decided, I remember the moment. So clearly I just [00:05:00] said, fuck this. If they want to have that be their reality. That is fine. It will not be my reality. And sure enough, after that everything started to shift. So if I were you. I would absolutely be compassionate with yourself. Things may very well, be more difficult for you. They may not.
And that might just be a story you're telling yourself, but let's just say they are be super compassionate for yourself towards yourself and your situation. And then decide. Rather than being in the middle. Being in purgatory is the worst when you're trying to force yourself to pursue a goal, but you're one foot in one foot out. Just decide for it.
It doesn't have to be for forever. You could say for now I'm out. Or you could say for now I'm in. And then I'm going to see how things go after that. But just decide. And if you do decide to pursue fat loss, Then acknowledge and accept. Yeah. It might be a little harder for me, but I'm not going to focus on that.
I'm going to focus on what I can control. What things are in my favor. [00:06:00] Okay. If my BMR is lower than the next girl. Okay, well maybe my appetite should be lower. And correspondence. So that just means I have to find maybe. A different strategy to feel more normal. When I go out to eat and have a little bit more flexibility, maybe it can shift up the timing of my foods.
There are so many different strategies you can use. To still. Have that. To still reach your goals in spite of that. So just reinforced to yourself. Yes. Things might be harder for me, but they're not impossible. And then also seek out examples of women who've been in your shoes and who have succeeded. And this is why when I closed my laptop that day with Hashimoto's and I said, never again, will I look at this shit? All I did was focus on women who, let me tell you, there were very, very few who just lived a normal life with it. And this is why you don't talk about my Hashimoto's.
It is not part of my identity at all. I live as though it doesn't exist. I should be managing my stress levels, chronic stress anyway, and that's my trigger for [00:07:00] Hashimoto's. And that's just for me taking care of myself. But outside of that, it is what it is. And I'm going to spend zero time. Thinking about that, and I'm definitely not going to let it impact. My. Ability to go after what I want. It might set me back.
I don't even pay attention if it sets me back in terms of my metabolism in terms of XYZ. Oh, wow. I can change it. So it is what it is. So that's a factor that I might as well just file away in a cabinet because I can't do anything about it. Bye-bye as long as I'm doing the things I can control managing my stress, taking care of myself, then I'm going to focus on other things I can control.
So that's the first one is identity is often fused with limitations.
We take that on as our story. Second one is, and this is a common one, and you've heard this one a lot. So this is not as unspoken as some of the others, but following the wrong information. And usually this is due to an identity fusion. [00:08:00] Again, but in a way that we don't want, we want our identity to always be in the direction of what we do want, not something that's holding us back. So I see this again, a lot on social media.
I mean, Usually a lot of the commentary when people are arguing in comments, you can just see it's an identity war where their belief systems are so closely tied to their identity. I had a woman commenting on a lot of my workout when I was talking about lifting videos and she was clear that she was very deeply entrenched in CrossFit and I've been there.
We, our identity is just fused with it. So it feels like a personal attack. And when we feel like any conflicting information. Is an attack on us personally, because so much of our identity is fused with a nutrition approach or what we think we know about weight loss or our bodies or exercise. Then we really miss out. On change because we think we know everything and we don't. So examples of this are, it's not about energy balance. And I hear this a ton [00:09:00] on tech talk, where people go back to YPC. I have insulin resistance.
It's not about energy balance. It is. We it's a law of physics. It's not something that we can argue. Do those things impact. Energy balance 100%. They can make your energy output lower. But at the end of the day, it's energy balance. So if you, we sit here and we argue about that and your identity is so committed to no, it's not about that. Then you're going to struggle because you're not operating within the realm of reality.
Right. Another one. And this is the one the hill that trusts me. I died on, I died a thousand deaths. On this hill that it's all about carbs or sugar. I, if I could go back in time and just look at young me. I would just pat her on the head and say, oh, sweet thing. You know, nothing. I was so passionate about the idea that you could only gain weight if you ate carbs and the only way to lose it was to cut carbs. And that sugar automatically led to weight gain. And did that help me [00:10:00] know I gained weight yet.
I still was so committed to that reality. It's wild. What happens when our identity is fused with something truly? Another really common one is just eat healthy. I hear this all the time. Just avoid all ultra processed foods. People accuse me of saying, oh, you're encouraging people to eat ultra processed foods.
Yeah. The world is obese because we just need to eat more processed foods. When I talk about moderation and balance. There's so much nuance and context here. Just eat healthy. That does not automatically lead to weight loss for people. I had to be deliberate. I had a great, healthy diet and I still had to be deliberate to lose the last 20 pounds that he wanted to lose. So just eat healthy. Beautiful for lifestyle and habits.
Love it. Grew. Amazing place to start necessary. Place to start. But does that automatically lead to getting the physique results that you want? No. For a lot of people. No. And the last really common one that I see is all about the workout. [00:11:00] It's all about the workout. If you just do this right now, it's a Pilates is the big thing on social media that you just have to do Pilates and you'll lose 20 pounds.
And all these women are getting frustrated saying, I'm not my body's not changing. It's because it's not about the Pilates. There's so many different other factors that went into that woman. Suddenly getting leaner. Quote-unquote. And we're confusing correlation with causation, which brings me to number three. And other examples before we jump into that, but being all about the workout. I thought CrossFit was like a magical thing back in the day, I was like, oh, all these CrossFit games, athletes they're jacked. I would assume you do cross when you get jacked right now, it's like when people look at sprinters bodies and like, if I just sprint, I'm going to look like that. No. It's not all about the workout.
If you feel like I just need to find the one exercise that is going to lead to the physique. It is not out there. Building muscle will build your shape. Absolutely. But nothing [00:12:00] is going to magically make you lean.
Number three is mistaking correlation for causation. And I see this often when women say what worked for me in the past is no longer working. For me, for example, when I first lost weight in high school, it was due to a low carb diet. So in my brain I associated, oh, the cause was carbohydrates being lowered when in reality, All else equal.
I lowered carbohydrates. I lowered my calorie intake. And so it was a calorie deficit that led to that. That was the cause. The correlation was the carbohydrates. So I did not know. What actually caused those results. And I see this all over the place. I, my cousin said to me, I just don't get it. Now that I'm in my forties, running used to work for me to drop weight and now it doesn't anymore. And I said, well, running PR maybe put you into a calorie deficit back in the day, but right now it might increase your appetite to where you're actually eating [00:13:00] more.
And you're not in a calorie deficit. There could be so many other factors going on. So you have to look at the whole picture. And stop confusing correlation with causation or that's when a lot of the frustration comes, you feel like I'm broken this, isn't working for me because you're staring at women who, oh my God, they switched to this workout and they dropped. 20 pounds or they just removed this one ingredient and they got lean, or they did this, that, and you're just focusing on correlation rather than causation.
This is why learning actually at a high level, you don't need to get a degree in anything. Very high level. I promise you just a few key points. To understand how your body works, how your metabolism works. And when I say metabolism, energy in energy out, and how that has impacted. Changes the game for you.
It eliminates so much frustration and confusion.
And. I've spoken about this at length already. I feel like, but. Another common mistaking correlation for cars. The causation is women online who say a workout, changed everything for [00:14:00] them, but that's not what really happened. So there's this woman I've, she's popped up on my explore page a couple of times.
And you think she's doing wonderful work very much means well, but she said I stopped doing. Uh, bodybuilding workouts and I switched to doing functional training, which that in of itself is kind of an abstract. Um, term, but, and then she shows before and after. And so all these women in the comments are like, oh my gosh, I need that.
And someone said, well, I feel like this is a little misleading because in order to get. That lean, you know, she dropped, I don't know, maybe 40 pounds. And you need to be in a calorie deficit is what the commenter said. And she said, Yeah, my diet changed a lot because I was no longer bingeing. And so I was eating less, but she wasn't talking about that.
So all these women are looking at it saying, oh, functional training is what's going to get me lean. No, it's not. We're confusing correlation with causation actually led to her dropping 40 pounds. [00:15:00] Is she. Was in calorie deficit, whether she even intended to or not, it sounds like her eating habits just really regulated a lot.
She naturally found herself eating less, which led to her getting leaner.
So that is a big juicy one. And it's very important. If you want to stop spinning your wheels. Number four is believing that more is better. My gosh, if I could write another loved. Love letter to young ne. It would be that more. Is not better.
I see this so often with my more type, a really disciplined go getter type of ladies, which is how I would have classified myself a couple of years ago, even. Where. Pushing intensity too far with exercise. Does not mean better. And I wasn't even trying to lose weight and CrossFit, but it was just this idea that more intensity always means better for my body.
I'm going to get stronger. I'm going to get. More athletic. I'm going to get healthier. And no, because [00:16:00] our bodies need to recover. If we push things too far with our bodies. We have to keep in mind that they're designed for survival. They don't give a fuck about us getting lean. Having a six pack. Building a booty.
They don't care about any of that stuff. Our bodies care about survival. So we always have to be looking through that frame. If I push things to this point, what compensatory mechanisms is my body going to start to put up to defend itself. Because it wants to stay alive. And if I push things too far, it's going to think, oh shit, Our survival. Is on the line.
So watch the intensity watch.
Are you pushing things too far in the way you work out? Are you pushing things too far? In the deficit that you're doing, or maybe you're restricting all carbohydrates, but you're doing a lot of exercise that requires glycogen for fuel. A lot of these hit workouts. For doing long distance running. And you're trying to do this on Quito. Your body's going to start to say, yo, something is [00:17:00] not right here.
We're not getting the right kind of fuel. Never having downtime. Hey. We need to learn to be with our bodies. Yes. Stress is not bad. Chronic stress. Is when, again, our nervous system start to say, oh shit, we're constantly running from a tiger. Something is wrong here. Our nervous systems need to come down. We constantly have that lovely ebb and flow throughout the day is as designed.
Make sure you allow yourself to come down. And this. Comes again from feeling to understand the way the metabolism works. When I say metabolism, I'm talking about energy balance. Calories in calories out and all of the mechanisms that are controlling that. Controlling our appetite, our hunger levels, our satiety. Controlling our energy output.
Are they going to downregulate? Our systems in order to conserve energy. These things happen and they really need to be paid attention to.
Number five is subconscious benefit to staying [00:18:00] the same. And this is really juicy. I love this stuff and I'm, it's one of the reasons I'm really excited to get back into doing some group coaching support with this round of SLA. Because we get to get into more of the nitty-gritty stuff. On a more personal basis and really get in there with what is preventing you from moving forward and being consistent and taking the action that you need to take. So our subconscious is what controls so much of our behavior and we can absolutely change. Our brain, we have neuro-plasticity so it's not, oh my gosh.
My subconscious. Controls 95% of my behavior. Therefore I'm doomed. Not at all, but we do need to be aware. Of why we might be doing things we don't actually want to do. One of the most common is just familiar and comfortable. Our brains want predictability. Even if we're not happy with it. Our brains don't care about happiness and fulfillment.
They care about safety and predictability. And those are one in the same. [00:19:00] So if you are in a pattern where you want to get out of it, but it's predictable, it's familiar. You've practiced it a million times, expect some discomfort. And just say, oh my, my brain, my nervous system just wants the same old.
I hear you. Nervous system. Thank you. We're still going to go do this thing.
Another one is fear of attention or criticism from others. I spoke about this. I think it was about a year ago that I realized that one of my subconscious fears about getting leaner was I had a lot of negative association with attention from men starting from when I was young. And my body. Being a source of that discomfort. And so. When I say, oh, if I want to look a certain way, what does that come with?
And again, this is subconscious. Hey, to bring it into my awareness. Also criticism from women, women can be judgmental. They can be competitive. They can be catty. Hopefully not the women that you're close to in your life, but it is there. Especially [00:20:00] because I am online. There's a lot of that production. Even in your day-to-day life, you might have family members who start to comment.
If you can. Drop weight. C O. Luke who thinks she's better than us? Or why don't you just eat this thing? Why don't you just. Get more chill and laid back. Why do you have these goals? You look fine the way you are, you know? Everyone's going to have their comments. And sometimes those, these can be hurtful.
They can be frustrating. And if we're not aware of, oh, this to my subconscious brain means potentially being separated. Which is a primal need. We need connection. So disconnection can feel like a threat. And if we don't actively bring awareness that and say, okay, I understand that this feels uncomfortable to my subconscious, to the primal part of my brain. It feels like a threat. That's okay.
I can sit in this discomfort. And I can knowledge that I still have connection with other people in my life. [00:21:00] Maybe the whole idea that people are going to be talking shit about you. Or that there's a threat from men, whatever it is is just a complete fabrication in your mind. So try to work on unraveling these beliefs that you have put them on trial. I look at them from every angle and say, is this true?
Is this absolutely true? Okay. What are some other ways I can get those needs met? If my best friend starts to make a comment to me because I'm getting leaner. And it brings up insecurity in her. How am I going to approach the situation? Get clear on how you're actually going to handle it. Maybe you say. Hey, this is nothing about you.
My body is my body and it has nothing to do with you. And I'd appreciate it. If you didn't make any comments. Or maybe you say maybe it's time to set boundaries with this friend and start spending time with people who would never say something like that to you.
Our subconscious is so important. Get clear on these beliefs that are lurking beneath the surface.
Out shining others kind of goes with that fear of attention or criticism from others. And another sneaky [00:22:00] subconscious belief is if you've always identified as a woman who struggles with her weight.
Then, how do you think your behavior. Is going to align with that very well. Our brains do not like that cognitive dissonance when it comes to our identity and our actions. So what happens is we typically have that thermostat and we rise to the level of our new identity that we want. With practice and repetition and showing our nervous systems that it's safe to be there, or we fall back down to. Our default setting our default identity. So again, you have to practice. Identifying is that different version of yourself, but first bring awareness. Ooh. I'm so comfortable being the woman who always struggles with her weight, I'm always, I'm comfortable being the one who's overweight. I'm comfortable being whatever it is because it makes people around me comfortable.
It means that I can hide. It means that I can, whatever it is. It's providing you with a benefit oftentimes now, what is that benefit? That's what we want to get to the root of. [00:23:00]
So what are some things to focus on? Now that we have these five unspoken, common things, preventing women from getting leaner. Practice identifying as a woman who has what you want. If you want to get leaner, if you want to change your body, if you want to develop a healthier relationship with food, whatever it is. We do a lot of this inside of food, freedom, evolution, clearing the thoughts she has, the beliefs, the actions, how she dresses. How does she talk about others? What kind of media does she listen to? What does she reinforcing? And you can start just one thing at a time, just practice one thing at a time.
But really the biggest language thing you can do here is I am. Whenever I'm trying to shift my behavior. I always go first to the, be the identity. And I just start practicing. What would it feel like if I was already this person. And if I notice what the, the old thoughts coming in, the old beliefs. I just gently come back into my body [00:24:00] because it's a felt experience in our body.
It's an embodiment. And I say, no, this is the new me I'm acting from this place. How would she act? And of course it feels uncomfortable. But this, and my experience with myself and with clients is one of the fastest ways to get there. You will meet the resistance no matter what. It will come to the surface. The doubts, the insecurities, the yada yada. But you get through that much more quickly.
If you just jump into I'm an identify as her now.
Secondly is considered that there might be more to learn. The Dunning Kruger effect is where, when you. The less, you know, the more you think, you know, Classic beginner. Right? It's like with me with carbs, I thought, oh, I have like a PhD in nutrition because I read one book that said that carbs are bad. It looks like a damn idiot. And we all do this all the time.
Right? There's no shame. But it's going to get you in trouble if you actually want to continue making results. So consider in this can go back. They identity, I'm a beginner and I have a lot to learn. Try it on and see if that actually helps you [00:25:00] get closer to your goals, then thinking you already know everything there is to know. So often the women in my community know too much, but it's too much of the wrong information. When it comes to nutrition. And fitness and weight loss.
And number three. Third thing you can do pretend that you're starting from scratch now that you have a stable foundation of a healthy relationship with food, because if you are pursuing physique change, fat loss, You know, in my world, you should have a healthy relationship with food already. So you have that beautiful new foundation.
Now you can approach weight loss, fat loss from scratch. Pretend you don't know anything about fat loss. And you're coming into it as a newbie. You just know that, okay, these are my boundaries. I love taking care of myself, nourishing myself with food and exercise, and I'm excited to learn this new skill, learn some new information.
I have these great boundaries that I'm not willing to violate when it comes to how I'm gonna treat myself in the process. And now I just gotta have fun and learn as a beginner. [00:26:00]
Next is make sure that your body is taken along for the ride. It is not just a process of logic in your brain where you're disconnecting from your body. And this is where we get too much in our masculine and we force. We're so focused on the outcome. We forget about the process and guess what needs to be involved in the process. Our damn bodies. Our bodies are the ones experiencing all of this.
And it's, it's pretty silly when you think about it, that we just disconnect and discount. Our body's feedback. When our body itself is the very thing undergoing this massive change of dropping. Body fat. Bring your body along for the ride. Biofeedback is queen. Listen to your biofeedback.
And lastly consider what hidden benefits you get from staying where you are. And how you might be able to meet those needs. In other ways, this goes back to the last one, the subconscious benefit to staying the same. Just start to noodle on it, journal on [00:27:00] it. What benefit do I get from staying exactly where I am and how could I meet those needs in different ways that actually serve me.
So I hope this was helpful.
And my aim with this was to highlight some often more unconventional, unspoken things about what really holds us back from achieving our goals in this case. Uh, long-term weight loss and getting leaner. Long-term lien, as I like to say. And if this topic interests you and you are ready to pursue sustainable fat loss, I would love to have you inside of sustainably lean academy, I will have the course option as per usual, where you go through the course at your own pace. And also offering it with VIP option, which is group support.
It would be, it will be 12 weeks of group coaching support. We'll have a private slack community, and it will be a small intimate group of around 15 women. So be sure to get on the wait list. Which is linked in the show notes below the waitlist period is going to be very short. This year, meaning. The early [00:28:00] bird pricing.
Only those on the wait list will get access to the early bird pricing. And it's only going to be for three full days, starting on the 23rd. That's a Tuesday of January. And we'll end on. At midnight on the 25th. So again, waitlist is linked in the show notes, and I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.
So don't hesitate to come on over to Instagram drop in my DMS. Let me know. And if you're unsure, what courses for you, if SLA is for you, you can absolutely drop me a note in there as well. And I will see you guys in the next step. So.