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Self(ish) Confidence
What if your confidence didn’t depend on fitting into a box you never wanted to be in? Self(ish) Confidence is the podcast for women who are done trying to live by someone else’s timeline and ready to trust their own.
Your confidence is your superpower but it can be hard to show up as your authentic self. When you’re caught in the scroll of everyone’s highlight reel or walking into a room full of strangers, it can be hard to show up as the truest version of yourself. Comparison kicks in. Doubt creeps up. And suddenly, being your full, beautiful, authentic self feels... hard.
Self(ish) Confidence is your permission slip to stop performing and start showing up as YOU. It is about finding your confidence, shining your light and taking action toward your unconventional life.
This podcast is all about building real, unapologetic confidence (the kind that doesn’t need approval). Whether your life looks unconventional, unexpected, or totally different than what you thought it would.. you're in the right place!
Each week, your host Jess Clerke, Confidence Coach and creator of the Self(ish) Sisterhood, will walk with you through mindset shifts, personal stories, and confidence-boosting truths to help you break free from people-pleasing, trust your gut, and build a life you’re wildly obsessed with.
This isn’t just a podcast — it’s your reminder that you’re not too much, never behind, and more than worthy of the life you want.
Let’s build that belief together.
Self(ish) Confidence
[276] The Pause, The Peace and The Forgiveness
Ever feel like you're juggling too many balls and something's bound to drop? That's exactly where I found myself recently, trying to balance motherhood, business launches, and personal commitments—until I realized the power of pressing pause.
Life doesn't always unfold according to our carefully crafted schedules. Sometimes, our 14-week-old decides to have a rough week precisely when we're launching retreats and reopening membership doors. Sometimes, family losses remind us how fragile and precious our time really is. These moments force us to recalibrate and remember what truly deserves our attention and energy.
Whether you're seeking more pause in your hectic schedule, struggling to forgive someone who hurt you, or simply trying to find peace in a chaotic world, this episode offers comfort in knowing you're not alone. What area of your life needs a little extra focus right now—pause, peace, or forgiveness?
Want to join the Self(ish) Sisterhood: a virtual community that encourages unapologetic, unconventional women to up-level their confidence, speak their truth, and finally live their abundantly authentic life? Doors are open until May 16th.
Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!
Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com
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My Personal Account ---> @jess.clerke
The Podcast Account ---> @selfishconfidence
Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and I took a little pause last week. Maybe you noticed, if you're listening to these in real time, you're someone who likes to listen to them on release day. Hello, hello, my friends, I see you. I am so grateful for you and last week I just needed a little pause. It was almost like every time I tried to sit down to record, or I even had the energy to record, something would pop up, life would happen, baby crying, all the things and it just became easier for me to just say hold on, wait a second, let me focus on my priorities right now. Let me focus on what's the number one, and I've said this to you many times in the last few weeks, especially since becoming a mom like priorities have shifted a bit, as they would, and I really need to remember to focus on what's important. Even though I love showing up here and this is on my priority list for sure Last week it just Monday's episode just came and slipped through my fingers. It's like I'm going to do it and it just never got done and I had to release some of the guilt that can come with not always showing up and sometimes we think things are the most important thing, right? I bet you can relate to this too. It's like something that you're like this is number one, it has to be the thing I get done. And then you pause for a second and you look at everything else around you and you remember actually that's number one, and then that, and then that, oh, and then this thing, right. And sometimes I think we forget that At least I do. I forget to pause and look around and remember what is the most important thing.
Speaker 1:I think, as an entrepreneur and now as a new mom, sometimes things can get all blurred together and I really struggle to see what's most important in the moment and I've said this a few times on the podcast recently too about I believe you can have it all, like you can have everything you ever wanted, but maybe not all at once, maybe not all right now, but you can have all the things that you want and for you maybe you can have it all things that you want and for you maybe you can have it all at once, and I love that for you Right now in this season. For me, that is just not the case right. Even when building a business in essentially under 10 hours a week is where we're at right now, maybe even under five hours, some of the times, like this weekend, was like almost a zero percent work done weekend, and it just reminds you of what's important and we have to catch ourselves in that, even in seasons. And I've actually noticed and maybe you've noticed this in your life too I've noticed that when I do pause and go with what's most important and what's right in front of me, that everything else kind of falls into place too, because as I'm recording this episode I'm actually recording this episode on Mother's Day I can hear my little guy crying with dad. He's just having a moment. He's last week. That's why I wasn't here. He was having a week and although he is, like I'll tell you, an angel, beautiful baby, there are moments here that we sometimes just need to power through, and this was one of those weeks. I'm like is this sleep regression thing happening? Is this teething thing happening? Is he sick? What is it? He is just a little funky monkey. As we're recording this, we are in a launch of the Barbados Retreat.
Speaker 1:2026 Barbados Retreat is happening, which is really really really freaking exciting, at the same time as doors being open to the Selfish Sisterhood for the first time since I went on maternity leave, and it's just a season of a lot of things all at once, and my son decided that it was also a season for him for a lot of his things to happen all at the same time. And that's just life, right. At the same time as we have, you know, a death in the family and at the same time as we have, you know, stuff going on behind the scenes in our own lives. And life doesn't always pause, right? We don't get to necessarily hit pause in these crazy busy seasons to take a moment and just be like okay, I can breathe again. Life keeps going. It's always going to keep going. Babies are going to get sick. You know we're going to lose members of our family. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. We could be gone too right and in these moments it's a reminder of like reprioritizing what's important and focusing on your number one. And in this season I have a 14 week old baby three and a half months. He's pretty small and I need to remember to be there too.
Speaker 1:I'd be so interested to know what your priorities are Like, what's your thing? And I was talking with some of the sisters about this. Last week too, we had our first book club call in the sisterhood and we're reading this book all about the different values of wealth Not just financial, but, of course, time and social, and all these different aspects of wealth and remembering that it isn't all just about money. I need that reminder too. It can be about all different areas of our lives and seeing that we really are so abundant and so wealthy in so many ways. It just takes putting on some different goggles and seeing life in a different lens. And, yeah, this just is a really interesting time, with a lot of stuff happening on our plates, but business is still flowing really well.
Speaker 1:New sisters are coming into the sisterhood. I'm so excited to welcome them in. We are, you know, getting ready to open the doors for the selfish retreat coming up next year and I think it's going to sell out in a couple of days Like it is. I don't think it's going to take very long and it's just really beautiful to see that even when I put my priorities and put my focus in my family, things could still fall into place in other areas of my life. And I think if we can start to really follow that line of alignment, it's going to really show you that you can have it all, and sure not all at once and maybe not all the way you envisioned, but things are going to fall into place just exactly as they're supposed to, and sometimes that flow is just really freaking nice. Like really freaking nice, and I'm as many of you know, I'm really big into human design.
Speaker 1:It's something that I absolutely love, and diving into people's human design is just like one of my favorite things to do, and this month in the selfish sisterhood actually, if you're listening to this in real time tomorrow's workshop we have a workshop every month is about your human design and helping you to have more confidence in your human design through navigating some of the key components of human design, and I'm really really excited for that. We also have, of course, sisterhood Chats and Biz Chats and our group giveaways and things like that that are happening in there every month that I just am absolutely obsessed with this community and I love having a place where I can go to vent about what's going on in my life and also to be able to be there for other people who need that support and need that love too, and maybe that's you right now. Maybe that's something you're looking for a space to just take a deep breath and be yourself. Like we don't always have that in every area of our lives, and I think that it's great to have a place where you can do that. So I will put all the information. It is open for one more week. If you want to hop in and if you're listening to some real time and you're like I want that spot in the sisterhood sisters get first dibs or I want that spot in the retreat, I should say, sisters get first dibs on retreats, so you might want to hop in there ASAP and grab your spot before they're all sold out because there's only about nine to 10 spots at that retreat and I'm really, really, really freaking stoked.
Speaker 1:Anyways, today's episode I really wanted to talk to you about that pause piece, the piece that can come with the pause and forgiveness and the piece that can come with forgiveness. And I roll my eyes a little bit as I say that, because that wasn't exactly what I was coming on here to talk about today. It was not, but every time I come to sit down and record, I set myself up to just kind of get in the zone to kind of channel and figure out what it is that I am meant to be speaking on, what it is that maybe you need to hear today. Maybe it's what I need to hear Oftentimes. It's often what I need to hear, if I'm being totally honest, and many people can connect with that, which is so interesting how we're all going through similar things at the same time. But I have my water here. I had a bowl of nerd clusters, but I ate them all while I was prepping and then I pulled a card and I got the card of forgiveness while I was prepping, and then I pulled a card and I got the card of forgiveness. And it's so funny that that's a card I pulled because it's not funny, it's not funny at all.
Speaker 1:I was thinking about a situation that I have been festering in for a while, one situation that I haven't been able to really get over, and it sits with me lately a lot, it pops into my head a lot and it is a friend that I had that unfortunately isn't a friend anymore and it really really hurt me, really hurt me, and it still hurts me to this day. I was even talking to a girlfriend about it just the other day, because sometimes you just need someone who you can vent to about things and share what's really vulnerably happening in your life, and I really do not like to gossip. It is not my jam, it makes me really uncomfortable and itchy when people gossip, and so I don't like talking about scenarios when there's two sides to every story and somebody might not get the opportunity to share their side right. And of course I have my own side and I have my own valid opinions about it. But sometimes we need those places that are totally neutral to share absolutely everything and put things on the table, because that helps for that forgiveness to come, and so when I pulled that card, I rolled my eyes just a little bit because it's like I want peace and forgiveness. I would love nothing more than to release any bad feelings that I have, dark feelings that I have, and just let them go out to the world, evaporate into the air, please. I don't want these, but they stick to us. They can be so freaking, sticky and hard to get over and I don't know if you have a scenario in your life that you can think of like a moment, or maybe a person too, or friendship, or something your husband said at dinner tonight. I don't know, but those moments where they can really just stick to you and if you're someone who has anxiety, it can replay over and over and over again and even just having this podcast and thinking about this, it's just my heart is so heavy and I can't sit here and be like. This is how you forgive and move on and have peace.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you that because I'm still trying to figure it out, but I've been reading the book while listening to the book, the Let them Theory and I started this really for helping me to navigate this season and scenario I have in my life of, yeah, losing a friend or worrying about what people are thinking and saying behind your back. And the truth is and she talks about this in the book, which I absolutely loved, because I never thought of it like this the truth is people are talking about you behind your back. That's the truth, right. People are talking about you behind your back. That's the truth, right. Even the people you love are talking about you behind your back, like today, when we're recording this, it's Mother's Day, you know. I'm sure there are people talking about things about you, whether it's even like wow, she's such a great mom, so cool to see her as a mom, or you know this is, I'm sure you talked about your mom today.
Speaker 1:Or you talked about you know somebody else or someone on social media, or a beautiful picture you saw, like it's natural for us to talk about other people, and not even necessarily in a gossipy way, cause, again, it's just not my jam, but we tend to talk and have opinions of people in their lives. It's just part of the, that's part of it, right. And she talks about her thoughts, even on her own family. She's like I know my family has opinions of me. I know they, you know, think this of me or think that of me, like, that's just part of it. You know that, my daughter, I think this and you know my son, I think this and my husband, who I love more than anything. I hate when he farts in the morning. All these things are just like, oh my gosh, yeah, I do hate when my husband farts in the morning, or she even talked about like her dog, who she loves more than anything. But there are times where she just cannot stand them and I'm like, yes, I see you, I get it Right.
Speaker 1:Same with being a mom, right, like, or even just kids in general. You can think of a kid in your life, even the kid at the candy store that you saw the other day, like, you know, one moment you can think they're the cutest thing in the world and the next moment you're just like that kid's annoying Right, could you please stop crying. That is the week that we're having over here and, although I absolutely love my son and I love being a mom, I am having these moments this week because it's just been difficult and so, when it happened to put, when she happened, to put it into perspective of, you know what people are having these thoughts and things are going to happen. And you know, it was like, oh yeah, I can't control anyone's thoughts about me, and even the people who I love are going to have thoughts about me and have opinions about me, and that's OK, let them. Let them have their thoughts, let them have their opinions, it does not matter.
Speaker 1:And I was like I needed to hear that, because sometimes I get caught up in my head about what I'm sharing on social media or what I'm sharing on the podcast, or you know, somebody listened to this and they're definitely going to think this. And instead of imposing my thoughts on you about what you're going to think, why not just let you have your own thoughts and opinions? Right, it's the whole point of putting our lives on social media. If you're someone who posts on social media or has a podcast or shares things in any way, even in your classroom as a teacher, right, people are going to have opinions of it. And if we were to control every person's opinion, or if we were to stop sharing things just because somebody on the other side is going to have a thought or an opinion, it's really going to hold us back in a lot of ways. And that's what I've been doing lately as I think about certain areas and I want to share certain things.
Speaker 1:I'm like I shouldn't share that because this person's going to think this or I shouldn't share that because this person probably talked to that person. If that person talked to that person and that person has this thing, who the heck cares? You know what? In all honesty, that's a me problem. That is a massive ego problem to think that these people are even thinking about me or talking about me at all right, when in reality maybe they have a thought, but it's not that serious and it probably goes away and they're not talking about me today.
Speaker 1:And we can get so caught up and let these opinions of other people hold us back from truly stepping into the power that we have and truly letting our story take the lead and letting our story attract the right people to us. And sure, some people are going to enjoy it and some people aren't, and that's okay. And maybe you need that reminder today because there's something you've been wanting to share but you just had to like oh, I'm too afraid this person my mom's going to say this, my aunt Colleen is going to say this, whatever, right, I know I get caught up into it, but if we can just pause and remember that they're going to have opinions, it's not that big of a deal and if we were to do it anyway, we can start to lead in having forgiveness for ourselves first, that peace and forgiveness in ourselves, and I think that'll start to emulate into other areas of our lives. That we are like the smallest percentage on this earth, so freaking small. We're like literally like one piece of dust in the whole universe of people, just floating around doing our thing, living our lives and just like you know that's it, like we're just souls who are coming to earth to play. And I know sometimes it can sound so strange because life can be so serious down here, but even this week, with having a loss in our family, it really has just kind of shifted our perspective a bit and has reminded us of what's important Our relationships and being here and remembering that money's just money and what's most important is the people, the community and the connections and, yeah, especially right now, the people, especially right now, family. And sometimes we can forget that and got caught up in all of these superficial things that don't matter, like the opinions of other people, and, yeah, money and all that stuff that just can float away, and what can't float away is these people who are so important to us. If we were to lose that, it's irreplaceable. Money comes and money goes, but to really have solid foundations in your relationships and your people, that's irreplaceable. And so, yeah, we've had a lot of these thoughts this week.
Speaker 1:Just yeah, with everything going on over here, it's just sometimes you got to pause and remember what those priorities are, and maybe you're struggling with some of this stuff too. Maybe you struggle with the pause. It took me a really long time to be comfortable in stillness and to be comfortable in the pause, and it's a big focus of a retreat coming up this year. So our 2025 retreat is happening in just a couple weeks at ocean stone resort, and I am just so excited for a weekend to hang out with the sisters and to just have a really nice, relaxing, restful, spacious weekend as much as you can, because weekend retreats can be really busy because you're trying to like condense everything into one weekend. But what I love is the focus of restfulness in this retreat and just allowing there to be space for us to figure out some of these things that we don't always prioritize because life is freaking busy with work and family and fun and everything condensed. It's going to be a lot. It's going to be a lot, right, but the more we can find that pause button even if it's just for like five minutes a day, like it doesn't have to be a lot, but the more we can find that pause button, it really helps us to have more peace.
Speaker 1:It's the piece of the puzzle that's difficult is the forgiveness aspect. Self-forgiveness for maybe my very self-critical people who are listening, who have perfectionist tendencies I see you, my friends, the ones that everything is like putting the puzzles together so perfectly with all of the pieces that if one's missing it is the end of the world. Right, if there's one that's bent, it's the end of the world. But if we can look at that whole picture and we can focus on all of the pieces that we do have, it can really make a big difference instead of focusing on the one that we don't love, one tiny piece. But my perfectionists really struggle with that. Maybe it's that self-forgiveness aspect of realizing that things don't have to be perfect I don't have to be perfect and letting all of those pieces just kind of mellow a little bit, mesh together the way that they do.
Speaker 1:Or maybe today you're thinking about forgiveness with a family member. Maybe it's Mother's Day and it's a really difficult day for you. For people it can be a difficult day in a lot of ways and I know that, I can recognize that and I can see that. And maybe you need some forgiveness there Self-forgiveness for the relationships that you've lost and also maybe it's forgiveness for how things have gone. But think about the peace that can come if you were to allow yourself some space for forgiveness. And I know so deeply this wound that I have around forgiveness. I want so easily to just like patch it up, even if I were to like put it in a box and put it away and just never look at it again. But I know I need to open up that box and heal that wound and that only comes from forgiveness. And I've been just thinking about how that can bring me peace. And again, that peace and that pause aspect can really help through this journey into forgiveness.
Speaker 1:So where do you need to just put a little extra focus this week? Where do you need to add a little sprinkle of cinnamon or sugar onto something in your life? Is it in finding more pockets of pause, taking things a little slower, taking the foot off the gas pedal, quite literally. If you're speeding and listening to this right now, you're like late for work and you're like I gotta get there. I bet I'm going to get a message from someone who's like how did you know? Every time, every time, and you know, or is it in finding the peace, peace in your life, peace to enjoy a moment, a little bit more Peace in your heart?
Speaker 1:I know that this chaotic world that we're in right now, it is difficult to find and to seek peace. But I think, now more than ever, we need it, need it for ourselves, we need it for our families and we need it for our future to find that peace a little bit more. Or maybe it's in forgiveness forgiveness with a family member, forgiveness in a friendship, and that doesn't always necessarily mean patching things up right. Maybe we're not ready to do that, but what we can do is at least forgive and maybe move on to that next step. Right, we don't have to, you know, necessarily bring everything back to the surface and become, you know, besties again.
Speaker 1:That's not necessarily how it needs to be, but sometimes we do need to heal our hearts and that comes from forgiveness and, you know, ask for support in that, whether that's from friendships or in a community like ours, like the Selfish Sisterhood, or maybe it's just in prayer, like really just spending time with spirit and with soul and just kind of hanging out and be like, hey, I need some help healing, because I cannot do this on my own. That one, I need to do a lot because, yeah, my human self is just really not always the best at navigating some of this stuff. So I am sending you all the love, in whatever area it is that you need a little extra love this week, a little extra focus, and, yeah, maybe you just need that reminder to say it over and over and over again Let them, let them have their opinions, let them live the life they want to live their way. Let me release this and I really loved how she talked about that too. It's like let them. But also let me move on, let me, you know, focus on this Like and remembering that we're a piece of the puzzle too.
Speaker 1:And if you're going through a season with a lot on your plate and you're holding yourself to a standard because you're like I release episodes every single week, holding yourself to a standard, because you're like I release episodes every single week. Maybe you need a pause too. You just need a little pause button, a little second to remember what's important and to focus there. Nobody is coming up to you and being like, hey, you said you were going to do this thing Actually. Well, one person might do that, and if they do, it's okay, it's not a big deal. But know that you can focus on your priorities, you can shift your priorities and you can certainly put all of your energy into what's important to you, even if that changes week to week.
Speaker 1:I am making a priority to sit down here and to record this episode right now, even though you know, maybe there's some chaos happening outside this door. Actually, I don't hear any crying anymore, which is a win. He's just. I think he just needs a good sleep and that'll, that'll come, that'll come. Tonight We'll go in the bath and yeah, and as we're recording this, it's Mother's Day and I never thought I would be celebrating this day, never, ever, ever thought that, except last year.
Speaker 1:I knew, I was pretty sure I was pregnant. Last last Mother's Day, uh, was too early to be on a be on a stick, but I was like I'm pretty sure I'm keeping a secret right now. And yep, it was. And then I had a baby and I can sit here and just be like I can't even believe I'm a mom, even though I was just on the phone with my sister and she said she's like can you believe you're a mom? I'm like no, if I am, I'm a teen mom, like I'm way too young for this. I cannot be a mom.
Speaker 1:And well, I am, and although that's still an identity that I'm figuring out and navigating, I'm just riding the wave and choosing to find peace in this journey. So I hope that you are too, and wherever you are today and with whatever you are doing, I have been thinking of you all week and I'm just so grateful that you're here that we could finally hang out again and bring a little joy into the week we have ahead. So I love you so much, hoping you have the most confident week ever and I'll talk to you next time. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world and don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.
