Self(ish) Confidence

[285] Environment Is Everything: Why Your Surroundings Shape Your Success

• Jess Clerke • Episode 285

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Life often has us feeling like we're not enough—not doing enough, not achieving enough, not keeping up with everyone else. But what if the problem isn't you at all? What if you're simply in the wrong environment?

This revelation hit me while reading a children's book to my eight-month-old son about sea creatures. I learned that turtles swim quickly in water yet move slowly on land. The metaphor struck me profoundly—imagine a turtle spending its entire life on land, constantly feeling inadequate because it couldn't match others' pace, never realizing it was simply in the wrong environment for its natural abilities.

Your environment shapes everything about your success and well-being. This includes your physical spaces, the people surrounding you, and even how you treat your own body. Creating environments that support your authentic self doesn't require massive resources—just intentional choices about what energies you welcome into your life.

Ready to transform your environment? Join our Selfish Sisterhood community where you'll find support, connection, and guidance as you create spaces where you can truly thrive.

Get 90 Days for $90 --->  https://jessiclerke.thrivecart.com/selfish-sisterhood-90/

Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. Hello, hello and welcome to this week's episode of Selfish Confidence Podcast. It's Jess here and, as per usual, I have been wanting to sit down and record this episode for you for a while and it has just been on my heart and it's been something that I've just been thinking about a lot lately. And I just you know life of a little one. Our little guy is almost eight months. He'll be eight months at the end of this week.

Speaker 1:

I don't know where time went. I feel like I blinked and my baby is crawling and sitting up and standing up and doing all these things. I, just eight months ago, I couldn't even fathom the idea of having a baby, but a baby that can like eat food. This kid was like shoving beef roast in his face tonight and I'm just like who is this kid and where did he come from? Because you are not the little potato I had just a few months ago. Like you're just, you're just not when. Where did the time go? And how do I have this like sufficient human doing these things and having a personality and a life? Anyways, it has been such a crazy journey and I know it's just gonna get crazier. Anyone listening who has kids. You're just like just buckle up, because it's just gonna keep getting wild and wild and wilder. But I'm just so surprised at how fast it's happened and also like how much he can do and it's only been eight months. Like it just surprises me over and over again and and I think even just the person that I'm slowly becoming, day after day after day, after, you know, caring for this little guy, it's surprising me the changes that are happening in my own heart, in my own mind, in my family dynamic, in my relationships, in my relationship with my husband. Like it's just been a really interesting journey to see how fast things can change in your life and I'm feeling really emotional today as I sit down and record this episode. I think it's a couple things, one being well, my period is due any day now and my sisters understand.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I know you get it, the emotions that come around that time, but we're also in a really big, massive eclipse season, which is all about transformation and letting go and shedding in order to become this version of yourself you want to become, and whether you're into some of that planet woo, woo stuff. I'm going to guess that you, being here, you're at least a little bit intrigued. You might not know anything about it and I'm still learning too, but you're at least a little bit intrigued. You might not know anything about it and I'm still learning too, but you're probably a little bit intrigued and you're like I like having something to blame these crazy emotions on. I sure do. It's like every time that there's something, I'm like you know what? I think there's some planet going backwards, flipping around upside down, there's something doing something, and it just helps me to feel less crazy.

Speaker 1:

And I really appreciate having a platform like this where we can come and we can chat about this stuff, because I do feel a little less crazy when I put an episode out and I'm feeling some big feelings or going through something, and there's always someone who's on the other side who's feeling it too, and so when you message me and you send me DMms and you send me texts and you're like, hey, I really love today's episode or I really connected with it, it means a lot to me because it also reminds me that I'm not 100 crazy and that we are in this together. It really makes a big difference. So if you're listening to this today and you love this episode, or you've been loving the comeback or the changes and the shifts that have been happening, please send me a message, because it means a lot. Or review this podcast. If you're like Jess, I don't know your number and I can't text you because I don't actually know you in real life, which, hello, I'm Jess and I'm so glad that you're here. Leave a review. Or send me a DM on Instagram, because it really does make a big difference to know that I'm not alone in this and I know in my soul that I'm not alone in this, but it helps sometimes to realize, hey, I'm not totally crazy. I also wanted to remind you, for anybody who is listening to this and you're like you know what I've been looking for a space where I can use my voice, where I can come together, where I can kind of deal with some of this craziness that's been going on with other amazing women.

Speaker 1:

The Selfish Sisterhood is the place for you. I have a special on right now. That is 90 days for $90. We are like, I think, when this episode releases 100 days to the end of the year 100 days to the end of the year that is shocking Again. Where did this year 100 days to the end of the year that is shocking Again. Where did this year go? Probably in a lot of sleepless nights for me, but for you, where has this year gone? What has changed for you? What have you wanted to change this year and where do you want to keep going for the last 90 days of the year?

Speaker 1:

The Selfish Sisterhood is a great place for you to come, where you can get to those goals, where you can connect with other women. We are having a book club this month. We do it every six weeks. We have sisterhood chats. We have biz chats. If you're looking to start a business or you have a business and you want to chat about it, it's just a place for you to come and let loose and relax on our calls Tuesday night. We have them every single week. We also have our morning clubs and getting ready to sprinkle a few extra little things in there, like you know maybe some hot seat coaching and also an office hour. I've been really wanting to put an office hour on the calendar so you can come and chat with me and get a little bit of one-on-one time. And I'm just really, really excited about this community because it's been something I've been building for three years now and it is just the most magical place. If you are looking to be seen, you're looking to be loved on and you're just looking for genuine friendships, it is the place for you and it's all virtual. So wherever you are in, wherever you are I don't even want to put a parameter on that, because we span over six plus time zones it's a great place for you to come and connect. So so I will put the information in the show notes for you.

Speaker 1:

Selfish Sisterhood, a 90-day special so you can come in all the way until the end of the year. Hit your goals for just $90, a dollar a day. It's wild. I'm really, really excited to welcome you in there and to just boost your confidence this year, because you absolutely deserve it and I don't know about you. Sometimes we need it. I know I need it and that's why I created this space, because I needed a space where I could come, gain confidence, connect with incredible women and just feel seen and loved, and I think that's really important. So today I really wanted to talk to you about your environment, and that was not necessarily a segue into that, but really your environment and the people around you plays a really big role in where you are and where you're going.

Speaker 1:

And this topic popped up for me the other day when I was reading a book to my son and it was a really simple book. It's like one of those fun touch books, so it has like little fabrics and pieces that he can kind of play with and he just loves reading these books that he can kind of get his hands on. And in the book it talked about like did you knows of different I want to say animals, but they're not animals mammals of the water, I guess I don't know Sea creatures of different kinds and some different facts about them. So facts like you know, some jellyfish glow in the dark and did you know? I should have grabbed the book so I could read it to you, so you could learn all of the facts.

Speaker 1:

But one in particular that stood out to me is that, did you know, turtles swim fast in water and walk slow on land. And it just kind of had this moment of clarity of like imagine a turtle that spent all of its life on land wondering why it couldn't keep up with the world, wondering why it was so slow and everyone else was out passing them, you know, doing circles around them. He just could not keep up with the world because he was on land. And then one day he makes his way into the water and he realizes he can swim, he can swim really fast and meanwhile the people who he was racing on land, like tortoise and the hairstyle, can't keep up with him in the water. And it just had this light bulb moment for me as I was reading this book to my son and I was just like, wow, your environment is everything. Imagine you spent your whole life on land or opposite, because I'm pretty slow in the water. Imagine I spent my whole life in water wondering why I couldn't keep up with the world.

Speaker 1:

And essentially this happens to us all the time. I don't know about you, but I question if I'm doing enough, if I am enough, if I am, you know, keeping up with the world, if I'm doing you know what my son needs me to do, if I'm keeping up with my marriage, like all of these things, right, we always think we're not doing enough. Oh, I feel that so heavy on my shoulders, right, and we're told, often through actions of the world, we're not enough. We're not doing enough. Our bodies aren't thin enough. Our you know, we're told, often through actions of the world, we're not enough, we're not doing enough. Our bodies aren't thin enough. Our you know, we're not doing this, we're not doing like. There's just so many things that we're told all the time that we're not enough and we internalize that and believe it.

Speaker 1:

But you're just in the wrong environment. Like period, drop the mic and leave the episode right here. You're just in the wrong environment. You're actually enough exactly as you are. You don't need to do more, you don't need to be more. You just need to find the right environment for you. You need to surround yourself with the right people who see you for who you are, and I think that is the biggest realization that I've had in this season that it's not that I'm not doing enough. We've simplified so many things in our world because I want to keep things as easy as possible right now so that I'm not overwhelmed. But that means dropping the ball on some things too. And if I'm not in the right environments for people to recognize that I am working really freaking hard right now, trying to juggle all these balls, trying to juggle business and momhood and relationships and friendships and, you know, parties and families and all of these things, it's like trying to like oh man, I feel like I'm juggling so many spheres right now and maybe you feel like that too. Honestly, you probably do.

Speaker 1:

If you're not in the right environment where people recognize that you're working your ass off right now, even if you drop a couple balls, then you're not in the right space. You're not in the right environment where you need to be seen and loved and thriving in this world. You are the turtle who's on land. It's going slow and everybody's looking at you like come on, pick up the pace, can you? But the second you get in that water and you start going fast and all of the fish in the sea are looking at you and they're like look at that guy, go, you are doing it, you are doing it. That's awesome. It makes a huge difference to be seen in the right environments, and I think what's really interesting about this is that we often think about our environment just necessarily like the physical space that we're in. So right now I'm sitting in my office slash also my second bedroom that I spend some nights in, because if the baby's having a hard time, this is where I come. It is also part-time our dog bed, because she spends a lot of time in this bed, but anyways, environment is everything For me. She spends a lot of time in this bed, but anyways, environment is everything For me.

Speaker 1:

Creating a space where I feel excited to come and work is really important. I actually remember reading the book Think Like a Monk and he had talked about living in a one-bedroom apartment Not even a one-bedroom, I think, it was a bachelor apartment, and so basically they had like four corners and each corner in their space meant something different. So they had a corner they meditated in, a corner they ate dinner in a corner they slept in and a corner they worked in, and each of those had that energy of the environment that they wanted to create, the energy of the work they wanted to do, the energy of the peace they wanted to have, and having these spaces helped them to get into that zone, and I find that a lot, especially when it comes to work. I need a space that I feel really good in, that I can just come to and know what I have to do. I'm not a person who can work really well on the fly. I can do a bit on the couch, but less now that I have a lot of distractions in my life, because if I'm on the couch and I also see the dishes or I see the baby or I see, you know, a mess, like I have to deal with it, my brain can't focus with clutter around. So I need a space, and so creating this environment for me to be able to come and podcast makes a really big difference.

Speaker 1:

And if you've been here a while, you know that we have had a lot of different environments in order for me to create with ease like I can. And a big one for me was that it used to be up in the upstairs office, which is now my son's bedroom, and I almost had a. I had not even almost. I had a hard time moving my microphone from upstairs. I used to record my episodes in his bedroom for a long time because that was the space for me that I felt creatively easy, and so moving down here has taken a little bit for me to get used to it. Now I feel really good down here. Coming down here. It's quiet and I don't have to worry. I normally have a dog here and me, probably a cat with me in here, and it's just like peaceful, which I really like. But I need those spaces. Same now in our house we have spaces where our son can play. We have spaces, obviously, where he can eat. We have spaces where he sleeps, and we keep those spaces separately so that he has his different environments to be able to get into that energy.

Speaker 1:

Your environment is everything, everything. Because if you don't have those positive, safe environments, you are that turtle on land. You're not getting very far and you're not getting there very fast. You are going to be outlapped over and over and over again. Because if you're not surrounding yourself with the right people and you're not creating these spaces that feel really good for you, you're not going to get very far. That's just the truth and if you feel like you're stuck somewhere, there's a good chance there's some stuck energy in your space and there's some things you can do if that's the case. So I know for some people where you are in your life and your environment you don't have a lot of control over, and that can mean physical space like your office cubicle. Right, you didn't get to pick where it is. Sure, you pick the job or whatever when it comes to work, but you didn't necessarily pick your space. You can still make that space the environment that you need.

Speaker 1:

So some of the things that I really like to do when creating a peaceful environment or an energized environment, whatever it is that you need, my number one thing is to have a scent. I don't know if you're a scent person, okay, but I love something that gets me in the mood Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, no, but actually like just in my office space. I have a candle here that was given to me by one of my very good friends and it just has this essence, this smell that puts me in the right space. I also have this little nose inhaler that, if you were at Speak Up, you probably saw with Voda Retreats, and it is like a citrusy scent, so sometimes I'll just like take a sniff of that and it helps to get me in that right space. I also have some like incense sticks upstairs that are coconut scented and it's just like gets me in the right space, energy for the space that I want.

Speaker 1:

Scents for me takes me somewhere. I am a person who really loves a good perfume. It has to be ethically sourced. Honestly, it's seven virtues. If you are down with seven virtues, or if you're at, speak Up Again.

Speaker 1:

They sponsored a piece of our event and they sent oh, so many delicious scents. It's so wonderful. I was just walking by their store today. It just takes you to a new place. Summer scent for me is coconut sun I love the smell of coconut and the winter scent being cherry ambition. Okay, like just drop everything you're doing and go check up Seven Virtues. If you haven't, this is not even advertised. I just love them. Okay, but there's something about a scent to take you, to transport you to a new place, and so having a scent in take you to transport you to a new place, and so having a scent in your workspace to having a scent in your kitchen into your bedroom you are going to want something that's going to transport you to the environment that you want.

Speaker 1:

And scents for me is a really big one. Sounds are also big, so I have a couple really relaxing sounds. I was actually joking about this in the car today because our son has a happy song and he has a sleepy song and so whenever he's upset in the car I always play Roller Coaster Ride by the Hawaiian, roller Coaster Ride by Lilo and Stitch soundtrack. Oh my gosh, he loves like a couple songs on the Lilo and Stitch soundtrack. I don't know why. Actually, I do know why. Actually I do know why. We used to play this kind of like steel drum song for him when he was a baby, and so he just loves it. Obviously, he's still a baby he's only eight months and then we also have this kind of like frequency sound that helps to put him to sleep. Whenever he is really struggling with sleep, we play the song. It works like a charm. Okay, songs can really transport you to the environment that you want, into the headspace that you want. I love to play frequencies. I love to play sound baths. That is my place to relax.

Speaker 1:

My husband has his own like work soundtrack that he plays instrumentals from Marvel movies. They stress me out. I cannot it is, it's just too intense. I'm like this is the song that somebody probably got killed to in your movies. It is intense, but for him that gets him in the zone that helps him to focus at work. We have very different sounds that help us in our environments, but they work the same way. So find for you the sounds that help you in our environments, but they work the same way. So find for you the sounds that help you to focus. It can even just be as simple as brown noise playing in the background. If you don't know what that is just like, put it on YouTube and see how it feels when you work with that. I know people who play that in their headphones when they work to help them to focus.

Speaker 1:

We play wave sounds at night to help us sleep, both in my son's bedroom and in our bedroom. We are sound machine people. I just bought this tiny portable sound machine. It can literally fit in your pocket and I take it from room to room if we're sleeping in a different space. So whether I'm in my bedroom, his bedroom or down here in our second bedroom, I bring that little thing with me and it makes such a big difference. I was using my phone for a while. I don't. I don't recommend. I recommend this $15 sound machine. That was just like game changer for us.

Speaker 1:

But these things can make a really big difference and you creating an environment, a physical environment that feels good for you. You do not need tons of money to make and create a physical environment that feels good for you. You do not need tons of money to make and create a physical environment that feels good. Just little touches like a scent and a sound, and decluttering your space can make a really big difference. So right now I feel like we have a little bit too much clutter in this room, in particular, because we've been storing the baby's clothes that he's outgrown which I can't believe he's outgrown clothes, but we've been storing them here. Because we've been storing the baby's clothes that he's outgrown, which I can't believe he's outgrown clothes, but we've been storing them here because we want to put them in vacuum sealed bags and put them in our crawl space. But it's starting to get a little clutter and I don't like that feeling. So decluttering your space is really going to help you to also clear out your mind but have that right environment feeling. If you have clothes that you have outgrown and they don't feel good anymore, you got to declutter those. It's time to release it, because clothes and fabrics hold energy and it is really important that you start to release some of these things in order to make your environment feel a little lighter.

Speaker 1:

And I'm talking about your physical environment. Okay, it's like where you live, where you work, where you insert whatever it is for you or where you are or where you need some space to just be. Your environment is everything. It is going to help you to succeed and reach those goals that you have, and it is also going to tear you down, make you more stressed. Right, you can think about the people that you're around. So we've talked about physical environment. I also think that that friendship circle, the people around you. They talk about the five people in your life, like the top five people being the most influential. If you are hanging out with not the best crowd, if your top five people you hang out with are maybe not as goal-oriented as you right now, it is going to make a difference in you reaching your goals. It is going to make a difference in you reaching your goals If the people around you are one not supporting you, are also not chasing goals in their life, are maybe just a little more complacent with their lives. Like these people make a big difference, those five people you spend time with and I joke about this a lot that I actually don't totally realize that the world is as corrupt as it is right now and as messy as it is, because my world isn't.

Speaker 1:

I have created the best environment around me, the best friendships, the best communities, the best relationships, the best family, like I am. Oh, I feel really emotional thinking about this. I am really lucky in the relationships I have, like really, really, really, really lucky. But it also came with a lot of work. It comes with a lot of energy, it comes with a lot of effort. I do my best to put the energy and the effort into the relationships that matter to me, because they matter to me and I really want that energy of those people around me. It makes a big difference to have the right people around you so that I feel less crazy when I have these big, lofty dreams and I'm like, hey, I want to put on this big event all by myself and no one around me said I was crazy. They all said, okay, let's do it. And those are the type of people you need around you.

Speaker 1:

If you're looking to enhance your environment, if you're looking for support and you're looking for love, you are going to want those people around you, okay. And I truly mean that. Your environment is everything coming from that physical space, but also from those people who are surrounding you and supporting you and loving on you. If you don't have that, it is time to find that. Send me a message, know that you can lean on me. You can chat with me, voice, memo me, whatever it is that you need. You are going to find that here, okay. And same thing if you're looking for more, you're looking for connections, you're looking for friendships. Selfish Sisterhood is a great place for that. Social media is actually a really good, great place to make relationships, to find those people if you don't have them in your physical space, okay. So I don't want you to give up hope if you don't have that amazing community around you. You can find it and you can create it.

Speaker 1:

And the last thing I want you to do in order to really create an environment that feels good for you is just to simplify as much as possible. I truly believe we are overcomplicating everything in our lives. We are making it harder for ourselves all the time. So where can you clear some things off your schedule? So where can you clear some things off your schedule? Where can you start to build your confidence in adding what feels good for you in the day but also taking away what you don't need?

Speaker 1:

Maybe cutting ties with some of those relationships that are just not serving you anymore and changing up some things in your physical space that are going to help you to feel really happy. Maybe it's also changing up some things in your physical appearance. Like, again, your body is your environment. So maybe that's getting that haircut you want or finally shaving your legs. You know, I know winter's coming and you might not want to for a while, and if that's your thing, I love that for you. I am a girl who feels like a million bucks when my legs are like silky, smooth.

Speaker 1:

Okay. So I love a good everything shower, cleaning my environment, being my physical body, nourishing my body with really delicious food. Like it's important for me to have organic and fresh food. It's not all the time, you know, I'm not a hundred percent perfect, but I'm really trying lately to just pick on some things that are going to help me to feel my best, because my body is the environment. Right, you're in it all the time. What is some people call us what? Your meat suit, or something like this, is your meat suit. Okay, you are going to want to take care of that. Your body is a temple and that is the truth.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so these little things can make a big difference in you feeling your best and finding the environment that works for you. I just want you to remember that you're in control here, and it might not feel like that. Okay, I definitely didn't feel like that in a lot of areas of my life and even now, most of my days, I am not in control. Okay, but I'm trying my best with little things, over and over and over again, so that I can sit here and record this podcast episode for you with confidence, because I know that your environment is affecting you and you can make it better, like even just today, with one simple thought change, with one simple scent change in your space, like it can make a big difference.

Speaker 1:

We don't need to overcomplicate this. Simplifying your life and simplifying your gestures are really going to help you to have the best environment, okay. So don't be the turtle on land wondering why you're never going to get to your goals and wondering why you're never going to get to that place that you've been wanting to get to. You're just in the wrong environment. It's as simple as that. Get in the water. Sis, like, get in the water. You could be so freaking fast. You're going to get there so much faster if you make yourself in the right environment.

Speaker 1:

You build your life in the best environment and again, this is going to be different for every single person, okay, so, just because the environment that works best for me, what works wonders for me, it might not work for you. So you really need to get clear and try some new things. Find what works for you and don't just try to emulate everything else you see on social media. You are unique and you are beautiful and you are wonderful exactly as you are. We just need to enhance your environment so that you can see it and the rest of the world can see it too.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I love you so much and I'm so proud of you. Like I just feel, like I'm sending you the biggest hug in person and just like squeezing you so tight because you're just like such a big light and I'm so, so, so grateful that you're here. I love you so much and I hope you have the best week. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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Jess Clerke

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