Self(ish) Confidence

[288] 4 Years Of Self(ish) Confidence

• Jess Clerke • Episode 288

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Coffee in hand, PJs on, and a heart full of reflection—Jess opens up about what four years behind the mic have really taught her about confidence, creativity, and identity. The biggest myth she takes down first: growth is not a two‑week sprint. Your body, mind, and soul move on a different timeline than same‑day delivery, and real change needs space to breathe.

You’ll walk away with practical encouragement to take one small step, a reminder that not every episode or page needs to be great to matter, and a nudge to spend more time getting to know yourself than scrolling someone else’s highlights. If human design, slow growth, and authentic self‑expression spark your curiosity, you’ll feel right at home here. Listen now, then tell us the next brave move you’ll make. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a push, and leave a quick review so more people can find their voice with us.

Thank you for listening to Self(ish) Confidence! If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or on your social media and tag me @jess.clerke so I can personally thank you for helping spread some confidence + love!

Check out my website at: www.jessclerke.com

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to Selfish Confidence, a place where we can connect and be real about how hard it is to be your damn self. My name is Jess, and my goal is to help you build confidence and belief in yourself to live any life path you want, even if it's unconventional. It's time to flip off societal pressures and connect with women who've also felt on the outside by their life choices. We're here to encourage you to grab the mic and speak your truth. I know it can be scary, but we're in this together. Let's get started. You might not even realize that because I often forget to post the videos, but I do a video component to this podcast. But today, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, because I just got home from the pumpkin patch with my little family for the first time. And I came home, took all my clothes off, and put my PJs on, and I'm sipping a nice hot cup of coffee, and I just thought I'd come and hang out with you because it's the perfect time. Once you've had, for me at least, once I've had some clarity from being out in nature and being outside and spending time doing the things that bring me joy, it's the best time to sit down and record because I feel most like myself. When the podcast episodes are rushed or I'm doing it just because I feel like I have to, they just don't flow the right way, they don't feel the right way. And so I'm just gonna come and show up in my pajamas. I'm also wearing a Christmas magic sweater, which I think we should bring back this year. Last year I was going to put them out to be able to sell, and we had a postal strike, and I wasn't gonna be able to ship them to anyone. This year, I have a good feeling that we might be in the clear. So we might be bringing back Christmas magic sweaters and also you are magic sweaters that I created for earlier the retreat earlier this year. So if that's something that interests you, send me a message because I am going to get those ready to put out there soon because it's almost Christmas time. Isn't that wild to think about? Glenn and I were just thinking about that in the car. It's like, wait a second, like last year at Christmas, I was pregnant, really pregnant. And this year, we are welcoming the holiday seasons as a family for the first time. And it just is so strange how much in your life can change in one year. And if you've been here since the beginning, you know I started this podcast with the intention of a year of confidence, like really bringing my confidence back to life with showing up for myself for a whole year and truly believing that it takes a year for you to see massive amounts of change. It doesn't happen in 21 days, it doesn't happen in a week of meditation or even just like five minutes. It like we think that things happen fast because we live in a society that gives us things fast, right? Like Amazon Prime and you know, same-day delivery, grocery pickup, like everything is so quick. We have, you know, the answers to anything we want at our fingertips, but that's just not how our bodies work. That is not how our minds work, and that is definitely not how our soul works. It doesn't work in a quick 24-hour cycle. It takes time, it takes energy, it takes space. And if you don't give yourself that space and that time and you think that you're going to get change in two days, it's it's just not gonna feel right. It's never gonna feel aligned. It is, it always, always, always, always takes time. And as I'm sitting here recording this, thinking about the time that things take and how much can change in your life in a year, I sit and celebrate four years of this podcast, four years of selfish confidence. Four years ago, I came home from Barbados living with my husband down there and feeling like the worst version of myself. And I thought, why not share it with the world? Why not get on a microphone and tell everybody, air out my dirty laundry and let everyone know that I am not feeling like myself. I'm not feeling good. And had I not started this, I don't even know where I would be, but I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Whenever there's anniversaries of things, I spend a lot of time thinking and analyzing and looking at the life that I've built and wondering where I can make changes and improvements and where I can let some things go. And I've been spending a lot of time thinking about that, and by a lot of time I mean the time that I have in the pockets that maybe my son is napping, or you know, when I can talk to myself in the car. I did that yesterday, actually. I was having a great conversation with myself in the car, and it was just me. My little guy wasn't with me, it was just me, and a deer flew out in front of me, and we don't have a lot of deer out by our house. Well, maybe we do, but we I have seen a small handful of deer out in our area where we live, and it was so interesting because the last time something like that happened, that a deer ran in front of me, it was the weekend of speak up, and we were getting ready to go down to the venue for our first um sisterhood lunch, and a deer jumped out in front of us right in the car. I had a car full of stuff, a car full of people, and it's either that reminder of like, hey, open your eyes, something big is about to happen, or like open your eyes and let yourself kind of live the life that you want to live. And then I always go and Google, like, what's the spiritual meaning of a deer, and then you can get down a long rabbit hole with that. But I always take it as this reminder to just open your eyes. You don't know if you're distracted, what could be right in front of you, what opportunities could be right at your fingertips, where life could be going. We are living in a very distracted society with our heads down and our phones, even when we're driving, right? Changing the song or, you know, thinking of all other things. And at this moment, I was having a whole conversation with myself about some big changes that I had been wanting to make in my life. And when we sit down and then we actually give ourselves that time and reflection, we can start to see where we can make improvements. And so I've been thinking about that a lot when it came to the last four years of creating something so beautiful, a podcast with what used to be bi-weekly episodes to weekly episodes. And of course, this summer we took a little bit of a pause where I needed to. And I've been a little bit more flexible with myself in this season because, well, I have a little person and I don't want to create episodes or bring something to you that just isn't my full heart and doesn't come with the best energy. I'm all about energy, you know that. And so coming and feeling like myself is really important. So today I wanted to talk to you about the three biggest things that I've learned in this world of podcasting. And maybe you're listening to this and you're like, I want to start a podcast, or I've been thinking about writing a book or starting a social media account that shares my grandma's recipes, or like there's so many things that I think we have ideas that we sit on for too long and we never take action on. And this podcast was just not one of them for me. I decided to come home to buy a microphone and to put it out there because I've seen so many people before me take messy action. So why couldn't I do it too? And I'm so grateful that I did because I feel so comfortable in this space, you know, with how they say, like, go with what's easy for you, go with where your gifts are and where you shine. This for me is my gift. It is where it's easy for me. I love coming on the microphone and just chatting with you. I visualize you in front of me as I'm sitting here in my pajamas, drinking my cup of coffee. Like, I see you on the other side. I can see you hanging out with me. Hopefully in your pajamas too, because if you're all dropped dolled up, then I'm looking a little strange over here today. But it just is the right feeling for me spending time with you and podcasting and and just using my voice. Like it just for me, this has been the greatest gift because it's given me an outlet unlike any other outlet out there. I've always been really self-conscious with doing social media, um, with the content that I can put out there or what people are gonna like and what people are gonna receive. And this podcast is not that for me. I will come on here and share exactly what's on my heart. I say a little prayer before I start, and like, hey, team of light, help me get the message out there that you want to hear, and it comes out, and I'll get a message or two or three or many every week of people who are connected with what I'm saying because we're not alone in this. And I think that's the coolest thing, like about podcasting in general. You are not alone, even though I'm sitting technically alone in my pajamas doing this episode for you. I know that you're on the other side listening. Like I know there's someone there who needs a message, and there's something really beautiful about that. So if there's something on your heart that you've been feeling the pull that you want to start, I challenge you to take a messy step. Figure something out, you know, buy the microphone if that's what you need to do. Get the domain name, you know, claim the Instagram handle, whatever it is for you, like take some kind of step in that action direction because without action, confidence isn't gonna happen, right? We have to take these steps in order to get there. And I think it's sometimes that perfection that we have and these fear of what other people are gonna think, that's what's gonna hold you back a lot more. It's actually been holding me back with a lot of things lately, too. I can say this is an easy space for me to come and hang out. It's almost like my verbal diary that I can come and chat with you and share everything that's on my heart. I don't do that in a lot of areas. It's here, it's in my communities, it's in my coaching, and that's about it. In the real world, I can be kind of quiet. I can sit in the corner and just take it all in and maybe speak up when you know I feel welcome to do so. But I know that this is a space that I can do that. And I want you to find that space for you too. So maybe it's a blog. I know blogs are still a thing, and I think they're really cool. If that's what if writing is your outlet, I want you to create that blog. I want you to start writing that book. I want you to start creating long-form social media, like do what feels really good for you and what you've been called to do because the world needs it. And these ideas are on your heart for a reason. So truly trust in that. I wanted to talk today about just like the couple things that I've learned, but one of the big ones, I think a lot of reasons why people don't start is because they think they're gonna be stuck in it. Like, well, if I start it and like, what if I change my mind a year from now? Okay, if you're listening to this podcast, you know I I change my mind. I change my mind all the time. Even as I sit here, my vision board is like right in front of me, and the vision board that is right now versus the vision board of four years ago looks very different. Okay, we're allowed to change our mind. So let it evolve. If you start something now and you do it one way now, it is okay if you change your mind and stop doing it. It is okay if you evolve with it like I have, from you know, never wanting kids to now having my son, or from you know, what how I first started, really messy in my year of confidence to where I'm now to you know, starting year of confidence again, postpartum edition. Like, let it evolve, let it be messy, let yourself be the key piece of that because that's what we want. I think I truly think in this society everybody loves a good like picture perfect Instagram kitchen, right? But I actually think we love so much more seeing you exactly as you are in your kitchen. And I was gonna say messy kitchen, but you might have a really clean kitchen. I love that for you, okay? In your space. It's about you. The space isn't what's you know catching my eye. I want to see you. And so start to show up, let yourself evolve in these seasons and bring everybody else on this journey with you if that's what you're being called to do. And if you're someone who's more reserved and you have an idea that isn't quite so public, then great, let it grow and let it change with you. Nobody needs to know, right? If you have a year of confidence on your heart or a book on your heart, give yourself some space to play with it, to have fun with it, and let it evolve as you evolve because the version you are today, a year from now, you are gonna look a hundred percent different if you start to step in the direction that feels really good for you. And the second thing I've learned in this season is just to trust what you think is best. I was talking to a girlfriend the other day, and I said that I often come on the microphone unedited, unplanned, and just kind of let it out there. Most of the time I don't do any editing. Most of the time I just let it freeform and see what comes to life. And sure, some episodes are great, and other ones you might be like, that was garbage, and that's okay. Like, honestly, not every episode. Even think about your favorite podcasters. If it's me, thank you. I love you. If it's somebody else you have on your heart that you think of, and you're like, This is like the top person who I'd ever think for podcasting. They still have shit episodes. There are episodes that you walk away from, you're like, that wasn't it. That wasn't the vibe. I didn't connect with that one at all. Same with books, right? There's some books, and I could say, This is my favorite book. I love it, you gotta read it. And you read it and it just doesn't hit. Remember that. Like it's never ever going to always be perfect. But I'll come on here and I'll just voice things out, I'll share things with you. I trust in the process of how things come to life through me, whether it's from me, whether it's in spirit, whatever. But it's pretty messy, okay? And it's kind of always been like that for me. I've always showed up really naturally. And yeah, sure, there's been some episodes I might have to edit a little bit more, but for the most part, I'm hitting record. I might be stopping and starting a little bit, but it's it's it's not perfect. And I had a friend who I said that to, and she's like, I don't recommend that as your strategy. And I was like, Yeah, I know. A lot of professional podcasters probably wouldn't recommend this as my strategy, but it's what feels really good for me. So I want you to trust that what works for you, even if nobody else is doing it that way, it's for you to do. Like you need to continue on that journey. Do not try to do it somebody else's way because you think that that's the way you should do it. I am learning more and more that if you're following what you should be doing, it's just never gonna work out that way. I have done all the things that I thought I should do in this business that I should do with this podcast. And when I do that, they do not turn out right. They are not aligned. When I show up as myself, I show up on the microphone and just share my heart with you and do it in a way that feels best for me. That's what connects with people a lot more. And I just think that's the best way to do it. And again, that could be for you sitting down and editing it and really thinking deeply about every single episode and creating from a place of more strategy. That could be the right answer for you. And I love that. If that's your thing, for me, it is a lot more flowy. And I was actually listening to a podcast episode the other day, and she's this woman who kind of just like walks in the woods and makes podcast episodes and kind of free-flows with her heart, too. And I was like, see, I'm not the only one. This is not absolutely crazy, right? Like, whenever I hear this other person speak, I'm just like, okay, this makes sense. Like, she could go on a stage and not really have a idea of what she's gonna talk about. And her speech is great, and that's kind of how I like to do things too. I will probably think things out for a stage more than I do for the podcast, but it's just how my brain and how my channeling works, and I know that's not for everyone. So if you've ever been told like I wouldn't do it that way, then I want you to trust that you know what's best for you and do it the way that you want to do it. We've been learning about that a lot, even as parents, right? There are everybody has different opinions on how you should do things, how you should feed your baby, how they should sleep, how you should dress them, all of the things, right? Everybody always has opinions. Am I gonna listen to some? Sure. Am I gonna trust my intuition on most of them? Yeah. Because I know my baby best, I know my creativity best, I know myself best. So I'm gonna show up in the way that feels best for me. And that is the same thing for you. It is really hard to do, especially in this world where there's so much noise around us, but I want you to do what's best for you. Cause for me, had I not, this podcast wouldn't exist and we definitely wouldn't be here, you know, almost 300 episodes later, is all I have to say. Because if I had to sit down and perfectly edit and plan out every single episode, we probably wouldn't have many. I would have given up a long time ago. But this works for me, and I want you to trust in that too. And the last thing I had on my list here was to be yourself, which I think is really kind of silly advice as I think about it. It's like obvious, you should be yourself, but we don't. We don't, right? We wear the outfits that we see on Pinterest, or we wear the outfits that so-and-so sent us the links for on social media, or you know, we're eating the foods that we think we should, and we often forget that we have free will, that we can wear and be whoever we want to be. For most of us listening, I'm gonna assume all of us listening, we're adults, right? Like, you're an adult, you can eat chocolate for dinner if you want. Be yourself, right? And it's so interesting that that is hard advice to do because for most of us, we don't know ourselves. And that is what I started this podcast for: for me to rediscover who I am and to show up as myself and to learn who I am through this process of asking myself questions and doing daily tasks and giving myself the gift of connecting with me. And the sooner that you give yourself that gift too, the sooner you will start to see yourself evolve and thrive and grow in this space. The sooner you are gonna care less about the bullshit all around you, the sooner you are going to care less what you know so-and-so has to say about this new project you have on your mind, or it doesn't like none of that stuff matters. What matters is that you stand true in who you are, and I get it, it is freaking hard. I am really struggling with this one now, too, as I am redefining who I am as a mom and redefining who I am as a partner and in a body that is very different than four years ago when I first started this at my absolute fittest, right? I am in a very new season of rediscovering who I am and trusting that that is a beautiful thing to do when you feel like you're starting over, right? So, in a world of copycats and mimics, I want you to be you. I want you to stand in who you are, I want you to wear the colors that you want to wear. I want you to eat the foods you want to eat, I want you to sign up for the classes you want to sign up for. Glenn and I were just having this conversation in the car, like when you were a kid and you got to pick your electives in high school, and we picked certain ones because our friends were in those classes, or you know, we didn't want to be, you know, in front of everyone, like doing theater class, but now looking back, we're like that would have been a really cool class to do. Like, I don't know why I didn't sign up for that, or I gave up art because I wasn't very good at it. Like, you just kind of naturally went to the classes that you were better at, and it's so interesting that you can look back and be like, why did I do that? Hindsight's 2020, right? So really sit in that instead of letting us have this moment four years from now and to look back and be like, oh, hindsight's 2020, I should have done this, I should have done that. Give yourself some time and space to be you and to try some of those new things. And when I as I say this too, I can think from a human design perspective. Again, I love human design. I think it is the coolest tool. It is definitely a direction that I'm thinking of more for the new year. So if that's something that interests you, please send me a message so we can chat about your human design and give you some clarity on that. But you can start to understand yourself and see yourself. I think learning my human design, I don't even it's not, I can't even say I think. I know learning my human design has helped me in so many ways to be myself, to unapologetically be like, you know what, I am different, and that's okay. And I see things this way, and I know you see things another way, and that's okay. And it just helps you to lean into that energy a little bit more. Had I known human design in high school, maybe I would have done some of those classes a bit more. Maybe I would have signed up for theater class knowing that I'd become a public speaker and want to stand in front of thousands of people on stage. I don't know. Again, hindsight's 2020. But looking ahead, looking forward, where do you want to be four years from now? Where do you want to be even a year from now? What do you want to work on? Because you can be that version of you now. You can start to step into that power and start to step into who you are as you take steps in the direction of becoming you, of coming back home to who you are. Anyways, that's kind of those are the those are the things that I've been thinking of a lot lately, and really just spending some time in my brain and talking to myself in the car because I know clarity comes in those conversations. I know clarity comes in spending time with yourself and having those chats and getting to know yourself like you would your best friend. We take a lot of time to get to know our partners, good thing, right? Especially if you've been in a relationship for a long time. We need to know these people, right? But you're also in a relationship with yourself. You are with yourself a hundred percent of the time and we spend all this time to get to know our kids, to get to know our partners, to get to know our best friends, our coworkers, you know, even the person you're stalking on the internet. You might spend more time stalking someone for every detail on the internet than you do on yourself. And there's a problem with that. Okay, so I want you to spend some extra time with you. Maybe you pause that little Instagram search all the way down the rabbit hole of this new influencer you found, and spend that time diving into yourself, asking yourself some deep questions. Because even when I say here that being yourself is the best thing that you can do for whatever avenue you want to take, you got to know yourself in order to be yourself, right? And that takes some time, that takes some thought-out energy, and that takes you sitting down and getting to know yourself and asking yourself those tough, tough questions. Even the simple questions can go a long way. So if you're listening to this and you're like, I actually don't really know who I am anymore. I've gone through this massive change, which most people I've talked to this year have been going through massive changes. It's a year of endings, there's so much change happening. In these seasons of massive change, you need to be making the extra time to get to know yourself. Who are you? What do you even like anymore? Are your favorite shows still your favorite shows? Are the people you follow on social media still the people you enjoy following? Is your favorite book your favorite book? Like these things are evolving and changing. Your new favorite author might be out there and you've never even read one of their books yet. So give yourself some time to get to know this new version of you and like let yourself play with that journey. So, anyways, I'm gonna go back to drinking my coffee and sitting in my pajamas and going to go play with my little guy because these moments are short. Life is really short. In the blink of an eye, you might be four years down a journey of having a podcast and completely transforming your life and creating retreats and communities and coaching women of of all different walks of life to becoming more confident versions of yourself. And I just like I can't even wrap my head around it. I'm gonna cry even just thinking about these last four years and who I've become in the process. And if you've been listening to this since the beginning, send me a message. And if you this is your first episode, also send me a message because I think there's something about the community aspect of this that makes all the difference. So please let me know who's on the other side. Are you in your pajamas? What are you doing today as you listen to this podcast episode? And don't feel like a crazy person when you send me a message and say, Hey, I'm Sally, and I was listening to your podcast episode in my underpants. I would think that's cool, okay? And anybody who knows me in real life is like, she actually would. She would think that's the coolest thing ever. Uh, so I'm just so grateful to have you here, to have you a part of this community, because without you, without you shining your brightest light, the world is pretty freaking boring. Okay, so I need you more than ever to be you. I love you so much. I hope you have the best week. What's up, sis? I am so glad we could hang out today. If you love this episode, send it to a friend or share it on your social media and tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me sprinkle some confidence in the world. And don't forget, you are magic. Let's show the world your shine.

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Jess Clerke

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