Rediscovering your passion!

As a mum it's so hard to find something that ignites your soul, that's just for you! So listen to Courtney's experience of being made redundant and how it inspired her to reconnect to her inner child and bring passion back into her life!

Thanks for the insight mama!

xx

Transcript

UNKNOWN: 0:00

Bye.

SPEAKER_00: 0:05

Welcome beautiful mamas, I am your host Shea Harrison. This podcast is a place for Springfield and local surrounding area mamas to share their stories about life, motherhood and everything in between, completely judgement free. I am so excited to be able to share these stories with you and give women an opportunity to be heard. So if you're ready to laugh, open your mind and be part of a supportive sharing community, let's crack on. Welcome beautiful mamas, I am your host Shea Harrison. This podcast is a place for Springfield and local surrounding area mamas to share their stories about life, motherhood and everything in between, completely judgement free. Welcome to the podcast. Oops, that's my watch. Sorry, banging. Thank you so much for coming on and be willing to share your story today. This one I think is going to be really inspirational for lots of our listeners because you're a mum and when we go into your story, I think it will be really excellent to share. So I'll just get you to introduce yourself and then we will crack on. Absolutely. Yes. So my name is Courtney. Courtney Blurry is my name and I have two little kiddos as well. If you don't mind me just jumping ahead into that stuff as well. Go for it. So I have a little boy who's nine months old. Oh my goodness. So cute. He is so cute. They're both so cute though. They're both so cute. Look, I was so scared of having a boy, but I'm so glad that I did. Yeah, obviously. I know everyone says that, but I'm like, oh, I just couldn't imagine it. What were you scared about? I just had that like picture in my head of the two little girl best friends. So my other, I have a daughter who's two years older, so she's nearly three. and yeah i just kind of imagined them like yeah skipping along and also i had a little i have a little brother myself and he's quite intense and my little girl was already so intense i'm like i can't deal with like two intense children yeah yeah but he's um interestingly he's taken on my personality so yeah that's little duke who is uh nine months old and just so sweet i love him yeah that's so lovely oh bless yes and then yeah my daughter as well who i absolutely adore and she's a little busybody she is she's like about her business and about everyone else's business oh you're good on it is she like your brother then yeah well yes definitely which is makes me nervous but also she's like my husband who was just a cray cray little kid oh was he yeah so yeah he takes right after she takes right after him yeah good I always thought my eldest was like me but she's like my husband which is a good thing he's very stubborn but other than that He's very relaxed. Yeah. Awesome. So let's tell your story. Okay. So yes, I have been listening to your podcast, which I've been loving by the way. I think it's so lovely to like give a platform to women to share their stories. Yeah. Even like you can know someone for a really long time and not have the chance to kind of, I don't know, especially the young kids like to really dive into what's made them up and what's kind of brought them to where they are. So this is really cool. And I think, um, it's cool to be able to like find similarities and get some inspo and stuff like that um yeah i really love being able to provide different perspectives i've had lots of women reach out to me after listening to stories and whatever the story may have been thought i said i had never thought of it that way you know whatever the instance may have been and i've had lots of different stories obviously but say like they had seen it this way but now that they've seen it from this other person's point of view like it just completely has changed their opinion and their perspective and all these other things about how they approach engagements and interactions with other people and just life in general which I find like I just love that yeah yeah thank you I'm so pleased that you um feel that way and that you love it as well yes oh for sure well I was listening to one the other day um which was the last one you put out but I don't know the order that you do things but there was they're basically as I record them I release oh yeah cool so the last one that I listened to her story was like absolutely genius just crazy and i'm like wow i've always had this thing myself where i'm like oh is my story worth sharing if it's not it always absolutely nuts so yeah but i've i'm like oh well there's little things you can take from each other's stories and it's my story so i'm excited to share it good yeah me too me too i'm really because we've had this in the license before you're pregnant with juke i know i know and i was like look i thought i could do it and then i was like i am so sick i got hg i don't even know how to say it hyperemesis gravidium thank you like a harry potter a spell yes I'm like my tongue will not fit around yeah yeah those two words so I had that and I was like maybe need to put the podcast back a few months so yeah now we're here now only 18 months later ready to go ready to go so it better be a good one yeah so I guess my story starts a little bit back for like a lot of people you know before they had kids so something I want to share about is how I kind of really got to find my passion which is photography so I love doing photography but rewind like three years ago I was working a corporate job in the city in like mental health it's called employee assistance programs so it's like counseling for employees and my company was the company that would like help people get their counseling I wasn't a counselor myself but I started out in the call center um kind of doing that and then like slowly climbed the ladder i was like you know early 20s at the time and so i what what i would say i was quite successful at it i was doing super well and i loved my job like yeah i loved it it was probably loved it too much kind of level i was maybe a bit of a workaholic oh okay so no boundaries no boundaries yeah okay yeah i mean not a lot has changed no I feel that I have very shitty boundaries boundaries I understand yeah but when you love something so much it's like you just really enjoy doing it so yeah I worked so hard I poured my heart and soul into that job and I like started to kind of climb the ladder a bit so I went from like call centre manager to like what like operations manager and all this stuff and I had like a team of psychologists that I was like kind of managing not from a therapeutic but more their diaries and their like HR kind of thing yeah a bit like that yeah definitely so they just report to me yep yep for that kind of stuff yep not their clinical stuff because I'm not there um anyway all that to say I worked so hard and I was like loving it and then I went on maternity leave um with my when I was pregnant with my daughter Daisy and a pandemic hit um so basically for context like Daisy was born the day before the big Brisbane lockdown happened oh wow yeah so that was intense big fun to all those oh wow pandemic mums yeah so that happened um which is fine but I had plans to like return back to my corporate role like I had this dream like I'd be the full-time mum and you know um well not full-time I'm sorry full-time worker and you know my kids would probably have to do the daycare daycare thing and that was kind of how I was going so I was just absolutely adoring my career like it Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. closely with the top guys all that kind of thing and I'd say this not to toot my own horn it sounds very tooty but no no no not at all if that's your idea this is what you're repeating to yourself and you know it doesn't matter it's fine I'm good I do all of these things exactly so I was like job security got this down like they'd be crazy to let me go I know so much about the company like I know the ins and outs like we're good yeah yeah I don't think that's tooting I think yeah okay well that's that's my self-talk and I'm a very glass full kind of person as well Good. Very positive. Good, yeah. Yeah, I was like, we're going to be fine. Yeah. And so they basically said, look, the role that you're doing probably doesn't fit into what we're doing. I'm like, we're fine. This is good. They're like, we have these other roles. Like, you can apply to any of these roles. Like, see which one takes your fancy. We'll, like, interview you. It's just, you know, formalities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tip box ticking exercise. Just got to do that. Yeah. They're like, oh, the company's going so well. So everything's fine. I'm like, okay, cool. So I kind of went through, like, the interviewing process. meanwhile at the back of my head I was having these thoughts of like oh my gosh like motherhood is not really how they're painting it out to be in terms of it's a lot but you also love it so much like I was just so enjoying my time with Daisy and I was kind of thinking like oh how am I going to go back to work how's this going to fit because I'm already I was already living with no margins in my life like how am I going to go back to that and how am I going to be a good mum and be able to do that so these thoughts with but i was like not like i'm not a quitter i'm like yeah i'm very motivated very all this stuff so i'm like i'm good work ethic yeah i got that from my dad who was a farmer so yeah okay i got like that farmer mentality get it done yeah get it done but get it done yeah exactly exactly like doesn't matter the cost on your health ironically i was in mental health yes yes promoting take care of yourself but not me yeah yeah um and so yes essentially cutting to the chase i walked into the like the final meeting where I knew they'd be saying like what the outcome was for me yeah and I just got this feeling that I hadn't had before that I was like oh man what if like I don't get this role um and I so personally I'm a Christian I have like um I have a big set of my moral compass and stuff is in that faith that I have and so I just had this inner voice that was like whatever happens in there Courtney you walk out with your head held high and I just had this feeling if you were to have to leave, leave in a way that you would be proud of. And so, yeah, I did end up, you know, my boss, he got, he was like, hey, Courtney, you know why we're here? And he got out this piece of paper. We're on Zoom. I couldn't even have like, it felt like indignity. I wasn't even face to face with these people. I was on maternity leave. Like, I'm like, they can't fire me. I'm on maternity leave. My role is safe. So, anyway he gets this piece of paper out and he starts reading Courtney we're here today blah blah blah and my world my inner world just crumbles like definitely very emotional like I start crying I'm trying to hold it together and I'm like I just need to go get some tissues anyway so that's the what was the what was the reason that they gave you for letting you go um so let's just say they're very good at what at that stuff um they have a lot of legal advice and stuff so they really covered themselves yeah um they essentially said a computer program took over what i did ironically it was a computer program i suggested that they bring into the company and i had fought for for years and i'd actually helped them design a computer anyway so i'm like all about systems i'm like let's make things more efficient you know and they used that what a kick in the guts i know when you're down i know i'm like are you gonna use my own program that i'd like Anyway, devastating. So that was their reason, you know, so they could legally– because that's one of the few things that you can really– it's very hard to let people go. I was going to say that, yeah. Even harder probably when they're on maternity leave and that kind of thing. So did you get your full maternity leave payout? I did. Oh, okay, good. Yeah. I got– well, they don't have maternity leave payout, so– but I got all the Centrelink stuff. Oh, yeah, okay. And I got a proper redundancy package. Oh, okay, then that's fair. Well, yeah. Can you imagine if you're on a 12-month annual– paid leave from work and six months in they're like off you go no they didn't do paid leave or anything like that that's disappointing but you shouldn't lose out on anything there's nothing there to move that on exactly yeah well they were definitely a bit like that so yeah that was that part of the story yeah right so you're devastated obviously yes yeah feeling pretty poorly about it because I had given my heart and soul yeah and um yeah so that was that you know and I have a beautiful I just have to say I have to put this in there I have this beautiful community of friends and women who like my husband was like hey like Courtney's struggling can you help her feel better basically just sort of shot off a few texts and like I had friends come around with flowers and like they come and they spoke to me and they prayed with me and different stuff like that which was super meaningful for me and really helped me just like to know in that time like it's just to me I I know you shouldn't invalidate what you're feeling, but it's like, I just lost a job. Like I didn't lose like, but it did because I'd made it part of my identity. I felt like I'd lost part of myself. But yeah, very grateful to have that beautiful community around me. But if I now skip back a little bit, when I was at that job, I had taken some stress leave because I was pregnant with Daisy and I was like, they were asking a lot of me um that I didn't think was right because I couldn't I you know you're pregnant you're exhausted my body like this kind of thing I couldn't really do much more than like your 38 hours a week like I was used to working I don't know if I added up like 60 plus hours because I would you know uh commute to the city on a train for an hour and I would work in that hour I would start at 8 a.m and then I would work probably no lunch break until like five or six p.m sometimes sometimes later i would get on a train and come home for an hour i would also be working on the train i'd have my dinner i'd sit on the couch i do work like and then i'd always be trying to hide it because it wasn't the it wasn't the culture i wanted to perpetuate to my team but yeah i had to to get like fulfill the expectations of myself and of the company so um it was very yeah not good um but also i'd go on call so like I was on call for the call center I was the call center overnight so some days not all the time and they said if you're not feeling up to it don't do it and stuff so but this is the stuff that I did to myself so these were my own choices anyway so it kind of eventuated in me like freaking out and having to have some stress leave and so like I took a week off And during that week, I was like, okay, I didn't have any kids around, so it's a lot easier. What can I do to fill my own cup? Isn't it so much easier? That's the only thing I miss pre-kids, I think. My husband's great. I've never taken sick leave. Me neither. That was the one time. But just freedom, being alone for more than two minutes. That's the thing that I miss the most about pre-kids. I understand. What can you do? I can do anything. So many opportunities. and I'm like I'm so bored yes I can just miss that feeling yes so good but I was like what do I I need to like rediscover my passions like what I really love that I do just for me and for me I was like oh I know like let me think about my childhood like let me think what brought me joy as a little kid and for me that was like art I loved art and creativity so I was like I just kind of in that week off I really started started this like journey of rediscovering my creativity um through like visual arts and stuff which was really cool um I was painting for my baby's room and like sewing and just like everything I could think of so yeah that had happened during that stress leave anyway skip back I've been made redundant blah blah blah I've got the beautiful support of my community which I can't recommend enough and I have this thought oh I've been starting to like explore arts and stuff and I had at this point because it was a few months after I'd started maternity leave I'd had this photo shoot with my friend Kelsey shout out girl she'll probably listen to this hopefully she does she took me on a photo shoot she has a photography business and she was like hey I'll like can you model for me and also then can you like I'll give you like a little family shoot in to say thank you and I'd done photography before and the thing that scared me the most about photography was how I loved people photography, but I'm like, how do I direct these people? Like, okay, everyone's standing, smiling at the camera, like look at me and stuff. And I was like, oh, that seems so awkward. And forced. And forced. Yeah. Yeah. And I had like my, my friend that did this for me, she was taking photos as she was talking to us and we were hanging out because we were friends. And I was like, she was like, okay, that's it. I'm like, oh, I think you took like a few photos. I was like, oh yeah. She's like, I took lots. You just weren't really paying attention. And she did it in a way that was like so natural. And I got the photos back and I just remember that feeling. I was like, oh, I just feel like amazing seeing these photos of me and my kid. And like my husband hadn't taken, like we hadn't taken a lot of photos because we were so busy like with our baby and stuff. And I was like, wow, this feels really good. So I'm like thinking about this and I'm like, you know, just being made redundant. And I'm like, I'm going to start a photography business. So like the next day, I'm like literally the day after I've been made redundant. I'm like, I need to channel this. And so I like channeled it straight into like something that I felt was for me and just like would fill my cup. Also would teach me like some really cool skills to like document my kids and that kind of thing. Cause that's really important to me. Like seeing them grow up so quickly. I'm like, no, this is like, they just really upsets me. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's devastating. So I think we've had like five photoshoots in like 18 months or something, even less. Yeah. I mean, I'm doing it almost every other day. Like I'm, I'm obsessed, but I guess it was just something that really, yeah, I felt like it filled my cup. Do you feel like you had a message from God through this process as well? Because you said that when you went into the meeting and you were being, ended up being made redundant. Yeah. You said that you had like, what did you say like a message effectively yeah in a voice that's right um saying that it was going to be okay and you'd get through it did you have something guiding you or did you just know without like you knew in yourself that this was the progression for you yeah well i guess for me like i feel like he always guides my steps but i'm not um in a way that like i feel like i have to have the momentum sometimes so it's like i take a step out and he'll help kind of like guide that for me so it wasn't some things I do have really specific like feelings of direction and some I don't this one just felt like No, it just felt like a natural progression for me. So yeah, it wasn't something particularly... I think, and I can speak from my own experience, but I think that lots of people feel this way. When you're trying to rediscover a passion, like you said, you've gone back to your childhood, but then you get to this point where you were in, I'm going to say, a good position because you needed something. But when you're trying to rediscover yourself, it's so hard to find what is the right, I'm using air quotations, the right decision. What if someone did go... going to be a photographer i'm going to make this photography business um and then get and spend all this money on cameras etc etc etc and they get six months in and go that was the wrong decision so fear for lots of women yeah like holds them back so i was curious you know if it just felt right it was just natural was there something in your head that was going like This is what I'm meant to do. Or does that make sense? Like, you just kind of like, fuck it. I have to do something. Let's go photography. Basically, that's what it was. But I feel like, you know, that... like I believe I was created where I was for a reason so connecting back to that like natural part of who I am like the creativity and stuff but also like I do see a higher purpose in what I do because I get to spend one-on-one times with families especially since I do newborn and stuff who've just had babies they're in like such a raw state like sometimes I meet babies before family members have even met them because you know I photograph them within two weeks and sometimes I get mums who come and they are so broken and they've just been through birth which was completely traumatic for them I felt birth quite traumatic for me as well and I'm able to like relate to them and I'm able to like give them support and like I do follow up with people like if they're you know having like mental health issues around it I'm like hey I know the mental health space here you can get help you can do this have you tried your lactation consultant have you talked to your midwife about how you feel about that like and even like yeah sometimes people seeing themselves back in a photograph they can feel like i've heard people said it no one said it to me but i've heard people say this that they've seen photos of themselves with their baby and being like that's when they've felt that connection that they haven't felt before because they can like kind of zoom out and be like oh look at that like that's my connection with my baby and i guess all that to say like i feel like wherever i'm placed in my life is for a reason and you can or like wherever you know listener person whoever you are mum like you're placed in that place and you have whether it's your job or whether it's you know the childcare that your kid attends or a mum friend like you have the opportunity to help people you don't have to be like a counsellor or whatever like I am studying psychology I do want to eventually be there but like you can live your life in that way no matter what you choose to do so for me it was like I guess just I felt that yeah if that was my choice and i didn't kind of i do like believe in being um what's the word like obedient when you feel god's calling um that sounds very cool i do i understand what you're saying yes okay god don't teach me yeah i understand what you're saying though yeah exactly but sometimes it's more like that natural i guess for me it wasn't like you should be a photographer courtney it was just like i felt that pull to it yeah yeah yeah and so and that's not what I think God's voice sounds like by the way either. It could. We don't know. We don't know. It could. I guess when he speaks to me, it sounds a bit more like my voice, to be honest. Yeah. It's because it's like the voice that you know, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. But yeah, no, I just kind of went for it and I felt like there was an opportunity to help people through that as well. Yeah, because it's not just, I guess, capturing a picture. Yeah. Like you said, it's an emotional connection between the picture and those people and yourself which is more than just being a photographer not that I think that anyone is just a photographer you know you're not just a personal trainer you're not just a doctor you're not just a photographer there's so much more that's coming into this alignment for you than was just I like taking photos with a camera yes exactly like I just love people and I've loved people for a really long time like yeah so that's kind of how that went for me yeah right awesome so you've been running your business now for nearly three years um so from where you started obviously you knew what was the right purpose for you to head into this avenue and it brings you so much more than just the photographs but like what what joy does it bring you now like how does it impact your life overall because you said that you gave so much to your previous workplace you know what you know boundaries and how do you feel like when you take the photos and you know what flow and effect has that had to your family yeah for sure so I think that in that motherhood can be very monotonous it can be very mind-numbing and having something that really fills your cup and is your own passion that's just for you is so important like when I started dating my husband he had all these passions like music and stuff and I just felt like I had to kind of tag along and like you have his passion. And he was like, Courtney, you need to find your own passions. Like, stop always wanting to do what I'm doing. Find something that you love as well. That's really sweet. Yeah. Like, I'm not sure what it was like. No, it was sweet. But he was so supportive of like, you do you. You know, let's not become just a couple. Let's become a couple with our separate identities. So that's really sweet. Exactly. And I feel like the motherhood can very easily just be all consuming. Like, hi, who are you? Hi, I'm Courtney. I'm a mum. like oh yeah hi i'm daisy's mom yeah exactly yeah but i think even just for the people listening as well like how can you find something to add that you can think about and brings you joy like i i feel joy and excitement when i'm going to pick up my camera i'm like what can i create sometimes i'll do sessions that are just with like a model or whatever like because i i don't want to get paid for it i just want to create something that is my vision and i want to see it come to life i want to edit it all that kind of thing and just it bring me so much joy and so like even maybe for someone listening like you can have a think and even go through the process that I went through what as a kid was I naturally drawn to was it sports was it public speaking was I really good at public speaking did I have that artistic flair or like what were you kind of like just drawn to and maybe that could be an idea to turn into a passion but I think also not trying to monetize something yeah like you've been quite fortunate and you found your passion and you've been able to make money out of it but like just finding something that brings you joy but not having to quit your day job I feel like and I don't know if it's just because of what I'm doing I feel there's lots of emphasis on get rid of your shitty 9 to 5 job you know quit your job find your passion but you can you have commitments your mum's you can do your 9 to 5 and yes very time poor as a mum but trying to find just 20 minutes an hour to reconnect to yourself through that passion and it might end up that you've earned money out of it but it doesn't it doesn't have to be the thing that you earn money from yeah i don't know about you like i just feel there's so much pressure do what you love do what you love do what you love and that's really hard to just find what you love to begin with but then try to put pressure on to earn money from it yeah so yeah finding something that you fills your cup like you've just said just in general definitely no pressure activity don't have to turn it exactly and honestly like i would call myself a multi-passionate person i have a lot of things i love i'm musical i artistic and whatever all the things that i love um there are some i had i almost made that mistake but there are some things it's called like intrinsic and extrinsic motivation so if you're intrinsically motivated to do something so for example i love painting i will never ever turn that into a monetary activity ever someone wants a painting i'll paint it for them for free if i have time which i probably don't sorry i do that for myself yeah i do that i do that for myself so that's like an intrinsic motivation and if you then put an extrinsic motivation like money on top of that you can destroy the intrinsic motivation that you have to go out and do that and the love for it and the love for it can be completely crushed because suddenly something that you wanted to do just for the joy you're now doing for the money yeah and so you don't get that joy sometimes sometimes so like i still have things that i'm like that's my intrinsic motivation and like my extrinsic motivation like i do get money it's like your little sanctuary painting is your sanctuary exactly so even like you translate that to kids and they like are intrinsically motivated to do a painting but if you say hey go do a painting I'm using painting as an example but it works for kids too if you do a painting and I'll give you a lolly yeah they're no longer painting to get the painting they're painting to get the lolly now so it's like yeah definitely like you don't have to turn what you find as a passion into a business yeah a business is hard yeah Businesses are hard. If you're trying to do the thing that you love and earn money from it, it will be destroyed because it's not just doing what you love to make money. You then have to make sales. You have to advertise. You have to set up. Bookkeeping. Yeah. All the stuff that goes along with it. Will I get enough sales? That's right. Yeah. Will someone buy my art? If I don't sell this week, I cannot pay rent. Yeah. And is it good enough? Yeah. Is my art good enough? I'm looking at the artists down the road and they have beautiful, not really, this is Comparison is a thief of joy. Exactly. So it's like just doing something purely for you. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess, and in terms of boundaries, I'm still working on that. I'll get back to you. Boundaries always are a work in progress. Yeah. Well, I think that you've like, that's boundaries though. Your boundaries are that your painting is just for you. Yeah. That's a boundary. Yeah. Your, um, your business is what earns you money. Yeah. You need to have fewer boundaries on that, but you've got your boundaries in place. Yeah. around your, like you're protecting your mindset and your happiness by saying that this is just mine. Yes, exactly. And your husband also supported you in finding something that's just yours. Yeah. So it's all boundaries. That's boundaries. That's true. Okay, I do have some boundaries. Yeah, you do have boundaries. Yes, we've got to win. We've got to win. I got something out of this. Yes, awesome.

UNKNOWN: 30:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:56

great well thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story I definitely think particularly when we're talking about passions and finding like something that brings you joy outside of anything else just doing it to bring you joy is something that my listeners because I'm a real influencer now but people are going to really resonate with and hopefully will have that inspiration to do something that's just for them whether it's art whether it's gardening whether it's common Maybe being a stand-up comedian. I don't know. Whatever. But thank you so much for sharing.