Midlife Shift: From Cardio to Dumbbells: Erin’s Journey

Progress rarely looks like a steady climb, and Erin’s story proves it with a quiet honesty that a lot of women recognize but rarely say out loud. Mostly Erin focused on cardio as her trusted way of staying active—jogs, hikes, bike rides, long walks —until back pain kept pushing her to the couch and frustration kept pushing her into a loop of “eat a little less, walk a little more.” 

The missing piece wasn’t to keep doing the same thing, it was to bravely try something new. Erin walked into class thinking she would find a rigid, militant, and rough instructor, but found our strength training class to offer a gently challenge. She has built core stability to protect her back, muscle that can lift more than groceries, and the confidence to move without fear. 

These changes didn’t come wrapped in perfection or a quick fix. It came with practice, with small shifts, and with a coach who said "just try and see". In that space, perfection softened into patience, and patience turned into progress you can feel.

Let's connect on IG @conversationswithtai @buildwithtai

Transcript

Perfection vs Progress

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I do kind of have a personality where I'm trying to be perfect, which I know I'll never get there. But I'm always like, if I just keep trying, just keep trying, just keep trying for this unattainable goal, which is perfection. Progress is about continuing to try and can and also being just gentle with myself. Because in trying, it doesn't always have to be an upward trajectory.

Meet Erin and Her Fitness Story

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Hello and welcome to the podcast. Thank you for joining us. I am here today with Erin. Erin has agreed to talk with me and share with you her story in fitness. We're going to talk about the struggles, we're going to talk about the triumphs, and we'll just let the conversation flow and see what comes out. And hopefully, this will be something that serves of value to another woman who can see herself in your story. So thank you for being here with me. Can you tell the story of how we know each other?

First Strength Class After 20 Years

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yes. I uh came to your CA strong class. Your let's get strong, let's be motivated and be there for each other. And it was great. Actually, my neighbor brought me and I was like, Oh, I haven't exercised in years outside of just walking. Um, she said, Come on and come. You'll really like the instructor. And I was like, Oh, I cannot be yelled at. I'm not in the space where I can be yelled at. Then I came to your class and I was like, This is amazing. And then I brought some more friends, and everyone agreed. It's great.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Oh, I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful that you trusted your friend. Maybe trusted the vibe of that day. Maybe if it was on any other day, you would have not come and we would have never met. I didn't know that I didn't realize that this was your first like class for a while.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Is it my first since college? When yeah, when I just took like step class in college. And I think I'd done a few things like when I lived in DC at a local community, but it was more like for elderly people to just move around. So it wasn't like someone who was making sure we didn't get hurt or making sure our form was it was kind of just, hey, get out there and let's like step to some music.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

It's been yeah, 20 years since I've taken a guess I would say fitness hasn't really or had not really been a huge part of your life in the years leading up to the time we've had together in class.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Yeah, no, not in the especially not when it came to strength. I'd always done a lot of walking and cycling and just considered myself active. Like, oh, there's a mountain, I'll hike up that mountain, but not in terms of

Cardio Comfort vs Strength Fear

SPEAKER_02 3:12

I can pick this up or I feel strong or my body feels strong. No, that was not part of what I considered my fitness journey was really cardio-based.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Which is true for many women. It's the less intimidating option to walk, jog, or bike, or hike, like you're saying. But when it comes to weightlifting and strength training, it can be very intimidating for us, especially since gyms are male-dominated environments. I'm thankful that you gave it a try. I started teaching that class in November of 2024. It's almost been a full year, and you've been there almost every week for the past year. Yeah. I don't know that there's many weeks I've been like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

I started like that first class and I came late. I think that was around November, December. And then the holidays and birthdays came in. But I remember right around the beginning of February when is when I started coming more consistently. I feel horrible, like body-wise, emotionally wise, like when I miss the classes.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Do you think you had a point where you were like, I just have to get stronger,

Back Pain, Pelvic Floor, And Change

SPEAKER_00 4:27

or like you wanted to be stronger, or you just realized that you weren't as strong as you thought?

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Well, it was really a combination of both. Have two kids, no one talks anything. Like the doctor, the midwives even didn't talk about your pelvic floor or any core strength. And I was throwing out my back all the time. And I would think, so let me go on a walk and eat less. And then I'll stop throwing out my back. And then I kept throwing out my back. So it was something needs to change. Maybe, okay, I'm gonna go to a class, I'm gonna do some sit-ups and get some more core strength, and then I won't throw out my back so much. So it was that, I guess, the events of I like to be active and I couldn't because I'm sitting on the couch because my back is burned out. Yeah. Mixed with the, hey, Aaron, come to this class because my neighbor, Pryn, she has said, Oh, yeah, I threw out my back too, and my shoulder. Yeah. But I'm going to this class so it doesn't happen anymore. Those came together.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Yeah, at a good time.

Why Strength Matters After 40

SPEAKER_00 5:39

Are you privy to the research that is kind of blossoming for women, especially women over the age of 40, where our bones are becoming more brittle and we're losing more muscle mass, our hormones are kind of highs and lows, and we don't really know if we're coming or going. Why does that look like that? It didn't look like that six months ago. And why does that smell like that? It didn't smell like what's going on. Are you up to date? I don't even know if you can ever be up to date because it's always just so much such an influx of information. But I guess you've heard all the things about how strength training is really very important for women after the age of I wouldn't even say 35, but especially after the age of 40.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

Yeah, that's kind of come along with the class because you say so. I do say it a lot. I'm like, oh, I have to look into that. Why do I smell like chicken soup all the time? Or why am I always smelling mildew around my house? Right. It's just so many things that are attached getting older and perimetopause.

Learning, Researching, And Sharing

SPEAKER_02 6:40

And um, and the strength training is come with that. I've learned so much from you, and it's made me curious. You'll mention things in a class, but you're also checking people's form and going on to the next exercise and trying to count. And so you'll mention things, and I'm like, oh, I need to look into that some more. My mom is past, but I'm close with a lot of her friends. And so I've started asking them, like, hey, what is this perimetapals? What is angry now? Or you're tired now, or you don't remember words now, and you have a fuzzy brain. That resource I've gone to for so many things growing up, they didn't know and don't know. I've gone down that hole, and now I'm telling everybody else, like, oh, you need to get, even if it's not to the gym, like find a class online, get some dumbbells, like try something. So I've got a few people in my family that are now, even though close to me, they're now like going to the gym.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

That's so

Family Fitness Norms And Body Ideals

SPEAKER_00 7:44

good. That's so good because you I don't know that we realize when we start on a journey of fitness or you know, just becoming better or growing, you know, mentally, physically, emotionally, you don't really see how it's going to impact the people that you love and the people closest to you. I love to hear that you have been able to positively influence people in your life to add some healthy habits to their lifestyle as well. When you were when you were younger, what was your mom and your aunts and your cousins, the elders in your family? What was their relationship to exercise and fitness and health?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

My mom exercised a lot, but it it was much for fitness and health. It was so she could fit into some genes. Um, burn the calories, which I'm now gonna act like I don't have like the vanity streak. Um, but I think that's where I learned like it's cardio, cardio, cardio. She would jog and she would join like step classes so that way she could fit into X, Y, and Z outfit for whatever occasion. Um yeah. So she wasn't really thinking, oh, I want to be healthy. It was more how can I look a certain way? So, in a sense, it was really good that I was exposed to we need to keep moving all the time. Move so you can fit into this outfit, also move so you can do this adventure because we did a lot of adventures.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Yeah, that's nice.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Um same with my aunts. We have a lot of aunts, and they were all kind of the same. None of them were really into the strength because you know, you don't want to bulk up and look like a man and you know, all of those rumors. So strength is new to all of us, including my cousins, like my generation of cousins, but we're all

Shifting Goals From Size To Strength

SPEAKER_02 9:41

different.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with having goals for how your body looks, but I think we have to be very clear that those goals won't always necessarily keep us motivated because we don't have as much control over those outcomes as we think.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Have you ever felt discouraged because you're putting in so much effort, but you're not getting the outcome that you want?

SPEAKER_02 10:02

I have in the past, but I can say that the outcomes that I'm wanting have shifted. So it was like, oh, I had this skirt or this number on this scale, or well, I want to lose weight here, like in this area, but not this area, because then I don't want to sag. I want to be able to get up to doing X number of push-ups or X number of squats. But it was always very rigid. Here is a number, I want to hit it, and now it's become more. I just feel good. So the goal for me is now changed to I just want to keep feeling good.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

Yeah, that's so good. I think we don't realize that skinny doesn't always equate to feeling good or being healthy, right? Or being happy in our in our relationships or our marriages or with in our families at all. Skinny doesn't always mean that. And being heavier doesn't mean that you're not healthy. It doesn't mean that you're not strong, it doesn't mean that you're not doing things that bring you joy and going on small adventures and big adventures alike. I think it's good that we're getting into those conversations where it's like skinny doesn't have to be the outcome. I'm in a season of life where maybe I might be a little bit fluffier because I'm stressed and my children fight all day. So I do want to eat a cookie, and I'm not gonna feel bad about that because it's the one thing I don't have to argue and be sad about.

Mom Guilt And Modeling Priorities

SPEAKER_00 11:45

Right? So our goals will change through our seasons of life, and we have to give ourselves patience and grace. You are a mom as well, right? You have two or three, yeah, two kids. Do you ever have any guilt or feel like you're taking anything away from your kids by focusing on you and putting more time and attention on yourself?

SPEAKER_02 12:05

No, I feel rather lucky that that's the case. So I do go like on walks because I'm yeah, right here on the path. And I always ask them, hey, you want to come with me? I want them to be involved too. I've asked my oldest daughter to come to your class, especially over the summer. And she goes, Oh, maybe, maybe. So I try and involve them. And while right now the answer is no, trying to include them is helping me to not feel so guilty. And also makes really important. And granted, what I saw my mom do is different from what I'm doing, but also the fact that she was active and didn't hide it or try and make sure that she scheduled it just so so that it wouldn't impact me. That helped me in wanting to be fit. And so I'm hoping that me not hiding it or always making it when it's convenient for the kids, right? They see me prioritizing it, so they'll prioritize it for themselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

To your point, there are so many times where I am exercising at home because I do a lot of my own fitness at home, and my kids are like, I need you to help me in the bathroom. I need you to help me do something that I really can do on my own. But let's see how many times we can interrupt mom. I do oftentimes feel guilty because I'm like, not right now. I just need 20 minutes to finish my exercise. But it is teaching them that it is okay for mom or dad or whomever in your life to carve out space for themselves. And it is okay for you to be patient. And it is okay for you to figure it out for yourself. That is a lesson that I'm hoping that I'm teaching my kids at home as well, which sometimes it's a hard lesson because my teenager is often like, like, you're gonna be thankful when you're older and maybe have your own children, right?

SPEAKER_02 14:12

Well, you never have time for me. Yes, I do, but it's just not right now.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Right. And then to that point, it's us understanding they may make it seem like it's this huge general neglect because I'm giving myself 30, 45, 60 minutes. But if I look at the totality of it, I actually give them a lot of my time. So one hour is not gonna harm any of us. Yeah, I'm glad you added that because they can make it feel like you're you never spend time with me. And it's like, let's think about yesterday, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Redefining Strength And Self-Trust

SPEAKER_00 14:50

Sometimes we're harder on ourselves than anybody, and we take those little seedlings of messages and we make them a lot bigger than they have to be.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

So for sure. I am 100% my harshest critic. And I'm like, okay, let me rush to do this thing, whatever it was I'm working on, so I can get back to them. And at that point, like, what do you say? 15 minutes later, maybe 30 minutes later, they're off to something else. Yeah, but at the time it was the end of the world, is how they made it seem. So it's like, who they have this.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

Oh, this is such an important story. It's so important. Okay, just give me five minutes. Five minutes passes. No, actually, oh now you're talking about it. What's that I've moved on? Right. Right. How would you say now adding strength training to your life and then kind of branching out into other areas of health and wellness, how would you say it has changed your relationship with yourself?

SPEAKER_02 15:48

I think as women, or at least myself growing up, we're told, you know, be strong. I always took that message as be emotionally strong. Like nothing can get to you. Don't let anyone what they say bring you down. So the word strong or strength always meant I always processed it as an emotional place to be. I never thought, I thought physically strong, that's for men and Olympian women, and not for the regular everyday mom, woman, student. And so that is now changing for me. Like I can be strong, I can pick this up, I can move in a way and not have to worry that it will injure me and I will be out for a week. Yeah. And I'm a little vain. I like to show it off. So I'm getting on a plane and I see someone struggling with their luggage, and I'm oh, I can get that for you.

SPEAKER_00 17:00

Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Which I have done so many times now because before I'd lift my luggage and I'd always kind of cross my fingers like, am I gonna throw off my shoulder or my back when I'm doing this? And now to me, strength is it's taken away so much fear of injury to where now I am happy to help other people. So it just, I don't know, it lets me be a little more, I don't know, lack of a better word, fit with look, I don't have to worry about being injured because I can let this miss 20 pounds like that. No, that's so good.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

I can do it myself.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Exactly, I can do it myself. You know, I can help I think not having that fear of the pain has just opened up a whole different world for me.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

And listening to you talk about adding strength to your life and physical strength. And just to backtrack a little bit, I think as black women in the world, in society, we have always been told to be stronger and not let things affect us and kind of let things roll off your back. And that's a story for a different day. But the physical strength that you have built has helped you trust yourself more, has helped you have a greater impact on the world around you because you're not swallowed up in your own fear and self-consciousness. Those parts of us are always going to come out in one way or another. But it feels so good to be able to kind of open up and take some of those layers off because now I know what I'm able to do. And if I'm not able to do it, I know that I'll build up to being able to do it. So then that leads me into probably one of my final

Performance Goals: Push-Ups And Heavier Weights

SPEAKER_00 18:54

questions. When it comes to performance, I teach in a way where it's like, let's just see what we can do with our bodies. Can you lift 10 pounds? Can you lift 15 pounds? What do you think your goal is performance-based? I know push-ups are a big one for us. You may hear someone say, Oh, I want to be able to run a half marathon. When you think of yourself in the next year or five years, what do you think performance-based you want to be able to achieve?

SPEAKER_02 19:21

Oh, definitely push-ups. I would love to do those smooth push-ups with your arm back and not to the side. Um do like 15 of those. Um, and just look. And also I want to for like the squats and the suitcase pulls, I want to go to a place where, oh, there aren't weights heavy enough here for me. I'm beyond what is like here. Oh, I'll have to double up or I'll have to figure something else out or weights or something to like get to where I'm I want to get beyond the light blue weights.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Oh, that's so good. So you're like where we used to be like, oh, they don't have the pink dumbbells, they don't have those five-pound dumbbells. Now you're like, all you got is 25. Is that the heaviest you got? That's where you want to go. Total other side of the spectrum.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

Yeah, because I started out with what is it, two and a halves and fives, and I felt those, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:30

Yeah. And I'll say I'm a little bit of a bully where I'm like, let's just see, right? I'm more like I bully you in a loving way. I see you really love those five pounds. Let's try seven. And then if they don't work for you, put them back, put them down, try again next week, right? And that's the whole the whole point, is like if you can't do it on Tuesday, try again on Friday. If you can't do it on Friday, try again the next week. And that's where the big part of mental toughness is like maybe I can't do it right now, but I know that if I continue to do this, it will come for me. And I think you have demonstrated that well, maybe I can't squat 25 now, or maybe I can't do 10 in a row. So where we'll do like maybe you just do two and then drop down and do a lighter set the next time, right? And um, so I think you are a testament to how if you keep trying and trying and trying, eventually you'll get it, and eventually we won't even have weights heavy enough for you anymore, right? If I could ask you one more question.

Try, Fail, Adjust: Mental Toughness

SPEAKER_00 21:35

When you think of progress over perfection, what does that mean for you in life, in fitness, just in general as a woman in the world?

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Yeah, well, that kind of goes into what you were just saying. For me, I do kind of have a personality where I'm trying to be perfect, which I know I'll never get there. But I'm always like, if I just keep trying, just keep trying, just keep trying for this unattainable goal, which is perfection, progress is about continuing to try and can and also being I guess gentle with myself because I in trying, it doesn't always have to be an upward trajectory. Like sometimes, even though I've had the pink weights today for whatever reason, maybe I didn't eat or drink enough water or I didn't sleep or I'm stressed out because my kids were yelling at me, and then like now I'm back down. But I think being gentle and kind to myself when I'm back down allows to go back up again, and I think that is something I really struggle with and have to work towards and take a moment and just breathe and say, Aaron, you're still trying, even though it's not going in the direction you want it to, you are still gonna try. I get in a place where if I'm not continuing to move up, I beat myself down, which is not helpful to myself, it's not helpful to my kids, it's not a good example to them. So I have to practice being gentle with me and letting myself have those times when it just isn't. I'm not at my best or my top, but I'm still moving forward. Even if moving forward is going down today, it's still forward.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Yeah, that's so good. I don't think you you contradicted yourself at all. Actually, as it pertains to being a human who wants to accomplish things and feel a certain way and live a certain way, we do have to give ourselves grace, like you said. And I do want to take a pause when you said be gentle with yourself, because I think we're all so very hard on ourselves, whether we see it and know it or not. Oftentimes we don't realize that when we're hard on ourselves, we project that onto other people. When we expect perfection from ourselves, we

Gentle With Yourself, Still Moving Forward

SPEAKER_00 24:15

project that onto maybe our kids and maybe other people in our lives, right? And if we just kind of change our conversation around what progress looks like. Like you said, progress doesn't mean every other week I'm going up five pounds or losing five pounds. Sometimes progress is just asking yourself, am I doing my best today? Given the circumstances, and right now we're dealing with a whole lot in the world. Given the circumstances, am I doing the best that I can today? And then to your point, one of the other big ideas is trusting yourself, right? Knowing that what I say is true is true. Yes, I'm giving the best I can today. Does it matter if it doesn't look like yesterday? And it doesn't matter if it doesn't look like it did a week ago. The answer is yes, I'm doing the best that I can today. And tomorrow I'll try again, right? Well, I don't want to take up too much of your time. This has been amazing. Thank you for joining me here today. Thank you for trusting me and come into my class. When I started teaching that class, I actually, and I share this with you guys a lot, I weighed 15 pounds more than I do now. Fitness has always, for me, been a way to show up in my life better and help people in a bigger way. And I think taking on that class allowed me to do that. It allowed me to say, okay, I have to be strong. 25 people are coming to this class. It's overflowing and they don't want to see sasquatch. So I kind of keep myself together. If I'm not doing well, how can I expect them to do well? Right. And so I'm going through the same journey as everybody else. I'm asking myself every day, is this the best you can do? Right. Sometimes you guys give me those 25-pound weights, and I'm like, please put that back. Not today. Not today. Right. And I extend that same grace to you guys. Like, maybe you did 25 last week. You don't have to do 25 today. Just do your best. So thank you for

Coach’s Journey And Shared Grace

SPEAKER_00 26:15

trusting me. And thank you for putting in the time for yourself because that is really, really important for the world at large.

SPEAKER_02 26:22

Well, I thank you for taking the time because, like you said, we're getting hit and bombarded in every direction. And I know that it's not just me that it's therapy coming to the class in mind, body, and spirit. It just feels good. Even if I just sat there on a mat and just watch everybody else, it would feel and just be in the room.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Right?

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Yeah. Well, thank you. And well, I'll see you tomorrow. I'm on the wait list. Oh, you are. Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be tomorrow. All right. Until you pick it up. Yeah, that's fine. Just come on and pretend you don't even know there's a waitlist. Thank you so much, Erin. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

See you tomorrow.