LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories

Sunflowers After the Storm: Turning Their Mother's Tragic Death Into Hope & Light - Jessie Lake and Molly Johnson's Story

• Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley

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What do you do when your mother’s voice is silenced—but her words refuse to be forgotten?

In this week’s episode of Latter-Day Lights, we sit down with sisters Jessie Lake and Molly Johnson, whose mother was tragically killed as a result of domestic violence.

Years later, while unpacking old boxes, they uncovered something extraordinary—eight beautifully written children’s stories she had finished before she died. What began as heartbreak has now become a mission to publish her work, share her light, and help other families heal.

Their story isn’t just about loss—it’s about courage, faith, and finding purpose in the unthinkable. You’ll hear how these two women turned silence into strength, grief into growth, and pain into a platform for awareness and hope.

It’s one of the most powerful conversations we’ve ever had—and by the end, you’ll see that sometimes, the light we lose is the same light that guides us home.

*** Please SHARE Jessie and Molly's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/iCNQaDwaIxU

To follow Jessie and Molly's story about their mom and her books, visit: https://www.instagram.com/bartybooks

If you know anyone who needs help with domestic violence, visit: https://www.thehotline.org

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To READ or LISTEN to Scott's book, "Faith To Stay," visit: https://www.faithtostay.com

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Also, if you have a faith-promoting or inspiring story, or know someone who does, please let us know by going to https://www.latterdaylights.com and reaching out to us.

#LDSPodcast #ChristianStories #LatterDayLights

Scott Brandley:

Hey there, as a Latter Day Lights listener, I want to give you a very special gift today. My brand new book, Faith to Stay. This book is filled with inspiring stories, powerful discoveries, and even fresh insights to help strengthen your faith during the storms of life. So if you're looking to be inspired, uplifted, and spiritually recharged, just visit faithtoy.com. Now, let's get back to the show. Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Alisha Coakley:

And I'm Alisha Coakley. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth, and inspire others.

Scott Brandley:

On today's episode, we're going to hear how two sisters discovered eight children's manuscripts written by their late mother before she was killed by domestic violence and their efforts to erase stigmas, publish her books, and spread awareness. Welcome to Latter Day Lights. Welcome, guys.

Alisha Coakley:

Thank you. Well, hello, hello. Molly, Jesse, thank you guys so much. Today's going to be a little bit of a tougher subject, especially because at the time of recording, uh, we just today, our our actual real time today, experienced um not only the announcement that President Nelson has passed away late last night, but that there's been a mass shooting in Michigan in one of the um wards in Grand Blanc, Grand Blanc Blanc. How do they say that?

Jessie Lake:

I haven't heard it said out loud.

Alisha Coakley:

Okay. Um, and so we just, you know, first of all, share our condolences to all of the loved ones out there who have family and involved in these uh passings and tragedies. And we want to extend our love to you guys too, because your story kind of touches on um losing someone to domestic violence as well. So we just wanted to kind of preface the show with that and just let you guys know um that anything that's shared today, we're gonna do it as uh sensitively as we can and with as much love and compassion as possible. And and of course, the focus of the show is always to spread light to the world, right? So um we're excited to hear more about the light part of your story. Um, but before we get into all of that, we would love to get to know you a little bit better. So uh let's start with Molly. Molly, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Molly Johnson:

Yeah, just really quickly, I'm I'm Molly Johnson. I am married to my husband Zach. Um we live in Salem, Oregon. I'm from Oregon, and um I have two little kids.

Jessie Lake:

Yeah, I'm Jesse. Um I'm married. My husband and I live in Eugene. We have four kids and a dog. Can't forget her. She's kind of a favorite, but um, yeah.

Scott Brandley:

How so how close do you live together? Like how far away do you live?

Jessie Lake:

Like an hour and 15. Well, if I'm driving like an hour and 15, if she's driving, like an hour and oh my gosh, that's dramatic.

Alisha Coakley:

Sounds funny. And now your sister, so who's the older?

Jessie Lake:

I should make people guess. Um, I am 10 years older than while I was born on my 10th birthday. So yeah.

Alisha Coakley:

Really? Okay, because you guys seriously look like you're, I mean, so close in age that I I think that's good or bad for you. Is it it's great for both of you guys. Neither of you guys look like you're old enough to have as many kids as you have, or any of the things that um now, where is it just the two of you girls? Do you have siblings as well? It's complicated.

Molly Johnson:

Yeah, that's a really complicated question. We both have our parents were um, my mom and dad were both married previously, and Jesse's anyway.

Jessie Lake:

So we have the same mom, yeah, but we were raised together. So, like I have a little brother that's my dad's, and she has an older brother and sister that are her dad's. Um if you can release my brother and sister, yeah.

Molly Johnson:

Yeah, we we claim her brother, but we don't claim my brother and sister. So however you want to take that, yeah.

Jessie Lake:

Um we actually joke a lot because uh maybe we'll get into it, but after our mom died, I raised Molly, and so now we always joke like I'm her mom. Like on paper, I adopted her, so uh like legally I'm her mother, but I'm her sister. So her son calls me Aunt Nanny. Nanny, Aunt Nanny. It's really cute.

Molly Johnson:

People are always like Nana, Aunt Nanny, or also looking at her as nanny, like she doesn't look like a grandma either. So all right, got it.

Alisha Coakley:

Well, uh uh we're interested in hearing more about your family and the dynamics and all of the things. So uh we're gonna go ahead and just give you guys the floor and let you tell us where your story begins. Well, luckily I'm off the hook because it starts more with you than it does with me.

Molly Johnson:

So you can't just start us off. Okay.

Jessie Lake:

Um my parents got divorced when I was young. I don't have any memories of them being together, but I think I was like, I think they were like working things out from three to five-ish. Um and then my mom met Molly's dad when I was six, and um I believe he moved in with us when I was like a little older than six. Um and I knew from the beginning I was not fond of him. Um I wasn't particularly warm or kind to him. I can really remember feeling like that. And I don't know at the time, like if that was my intuition, you know, like kids can feel stuff pretty strongly about people, or if it was um like because I don't have memories of my mom and dad together, I do have a lot of memories of my mom and I together. And so, like she read me books in bed every in her bed every night. And then when Molly's dad came into the picture, I was in my bed and they were in her bed type of a thing. And so I don't know if it was so much like I didn't like him or I didn't like the changes that were happening, and that my mom didn't feel like only mine. Um but early on it was clear that he um was not comfortable to be around. He um and it's so hard, it's really hard to talk about because it doesn't sound like that big of a deal when you just say the words without experiencing the feeling of like his presence or his tone or um those kinds of things. And because of that, I think it became really easy to downplay his behaviors and interactions. Um, because it was difficult to explain to someone else. So, like I'll give you an example. Like when I was little, I can remember he wouldn't speak to my grandma. She was staying with us for the weekend or something, and he won't speak to her because she put onions in the potato salad and he didn't like onions. And so for him, that was like a personal attack and disrespect. And so he just didn't speak. And so when he got upset, um it was like my mom referred to it as pouting, he's pouting, um, because he just would not he would go into his room and wouldn't, it's like he was punishing you with silence, you know, you're like literally walking on eggshells because there he was not speaking. And so um there was stuff like that, or you know, like we went to Disneyland and I picked out a shirt at the souvenir shop. Uh my mom and I ran in and I grabbed a shirt and it said grumpy, and I gave it to him, like as like the souvenir I had picked for him. And instead of like laughing or whatever, like again, there was no speaking and I was in trouble and he was mad. And then later at the hotel, I was crying because my mom was brushing my hair. I'm like eight, maybe seven, I don't know. And um he got super upset and packed all our stuff up, and we had to drive home in the middle of the night from Disneyland because I was being a brat about um getting my hair brushed. And so, and it was silent, like you're driving in silence from Disneyland to Oregon, you know, like that's a really long trip and confusing. You're like, um, I can remember we stopped at a McDonald's and we're all sitting there in the middle of the night, like eating in silent. I'm like, what just happened? Wow, um, and so it was a lot of that, a lot of that. And um when I was younger, I was more brave and outspoken. And I can remember once saying to him, he was upset with me about something, like leaving my toys out or something. And um at the time he worked the night shift, so he would be home when I got home from school, and then we would eat dinner and he would go to work and he got upset about my toys or something, and I argued with him, and um I don't even remember what he said to me, but I looked at him and I said, if you touch me, I will call my dad and he will kill you. And he backed, he backed down, he left me alone, and that was kind of it. Like we did not really interact. Um, he didn't kill my mom till I was 21. I never hugged him. He didn't interact with me. Like we would interact as a family, um, but he did not have interaction, like we did not have interactions or conversations together ever. Um, and all I can tell you is I just like seeing his car pull up after work, like I would just get a sick feeling in my stomach, like of dread. And it's not like he came in and was loud and beating my mom up and stuff. And so it was just confusing. I mean, I did not know that we experienced domestic violence until I'm 41. I did not know until I was 38. 38 um that that's what it was. Like I could compartmentalize certain and he did get physical um in certain instances, but it's like I could, it was like, oh, that one time that he tried to strangle her, well, that one time that he did XYZ and that one time that he killed her, but like I didn't realize that that all of it was um part of domestic violence and manipulation and gaslighting and making you feel like what you were experiencing wasn't like why am I scared? He's not doing anything scary, he just is making us leave Disneyland, and it just was always weird, I guess, is all my brain could come up with, kind of. Um and then there were like there were a couple of times like that were actually violent that we I mean I witnessed when I was um 11. Um they were I from what I remember, like this summer had become pretty volatile. They were what seemed like they were probably gonna get a divorce. And um I had spent the week at my grandparents' house up north in Oregon, and I can remember the whole ride home, just like begging my mom, please don't go home. I don't want to go home. He's gonna be mad. I don't want to go. And she said, it's gonna be fine. We're gonna go to bed, he's not gonna control us. This is our home. It will be fine. And um he it wasn't fine, and they got in an argument or something. I don't even know if you can call it an argument. He got upset and um grabbed her by the neck and twisted her ankle. Um, she was holding Molly. Molly was a baby, and I was sitting there in the living room, and he whispered that he was gonna kill everybody that she ever loved, take Molly, and she would never see Molly again, and he walked out. And when he walked out, my mom walked the deadbolt. So we're in there, and he came back and was trying, like my mom's physically holding the deadbolt closed while he's unlocking it with his key, and he got tired of that. So we went to the back door, which I was standing guard at the back door, and when he would get to the back door, she would tell me to switch, and she would hold the deadbolt, and we went back and forth, back and forth until she finally looked at me and she just said, run. And so I'm 11, and to this day, my fight or flight, like I've said this before, but I'm like, if you're choking, I'm not the girl, I'm out of there. I'm like, if something is scary or threatening to me, I am out. So when my mom looked at me and told me to run, I ran my little bare feet up to the neighbor's house and we called 911. And um, but I never got validation for any, like he went to jail, he moved out, he got therapy. Um, but I'm 11, so I'm not privy to the details of what's going on, and all of a sudden he's just back and things were calmer. Um, we moved closer to my grandparents. Um, things went back to just being weird, quote unquote, and uncomfortable, but not violent. And it's kind of like it never happened. Um, but I developed severe anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder the same week that um that he went to jail and all that happened. We lived in like a not a real safe house, but it's like a friend of a friend knew a friend that we went into hiding at her house until we were sure that he was calmed down and he wasn't gonna come back. And um, and I don't know if my mom was just in her own state of trauma and figuring things out. Um but nobody ever talked to me about my experience of it, and it's like all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I just am experiencing debilitating anxiety, and um, I lost so much weight. I was really, I mean, I was 12 then, and I couldn't eat, I could hardly go to school, I couldn't go to my friends' houses anymore, I couldn't go inside buildings anymore. I it was really debilitating, and not one person, not the therapist that I went to, not the doctors and specialists, and everybody that's trying to figure out why my stomach was hurting all the time, connected the dots at all. Um, and so I have spent up until I was 38 feeling just crazy. Like, why do I have such bad anxiety? Why can I not control this? Why am I afraid of whatever? And for me particularly, it um my therapist now has kind of helped explain it, but kids who go through trauma when they're young like that often have eating disorders or drug addictions, something that they can try to control because their life is out of control. And um, for me, it turned into a fear of throwing up, like a not just your regular, like I don't like throwing up, but like debilitating um like actual phobia, um, because it was something that I felt like I could control to some extent somehow. And so that's how my brain decided to protect me. And um, that's one of my biggest things to this experience is feeling like I mean, if you fall down and skin your knee, like you're gonna have some consequences of some bleeding, some bruising, some pain, like that's expected and and normal, right? Like that's your body's reaction to it. And of course, if you go through stuff like holding doors closed and being responsible, and not that my mom said I was responsible, but uh there had to have been feelings of protection, like that that was on me to keep the door closed and to help save us. Obviously, that's going to have some consequences and some just like a bruised knee or whatever. But I never got, I did not know that. And nobody ever helped me to realize that. And so I just kind of felt like a burden and like too much, like my anxiety was too much. So I learned to like make fun of it, joke about it, um just kind of like push it off, like, oh, there's Jesse in her hand washing again, you know me. But um I think that's one of the biggest things for me is like I through opening up and starting to talk about this, which we haven't really done a lot of up until the past six months or something like that. Um I have realized that I can get all the validation from my therapist, from you, from Molly, from whoever that like, of course you're gonna experience that. Of course, like it's quote unquote normal to feel anxious. But I've realized recently it's like I need to learn to validate myself. Like I need to understand that it was okay that I had a reaction to the experiences that I had. And that's been right tricky because I've been praised my entire life for being strong, for being um able to handle anything, to be able to do whatever. And I'm like, but I was dying on the inside and making fun of it when I couldn't control it. And you guys just praised me and told me I was strong for it. But on the inside, I was crumbling. Um so, anyways, I mean, I feel like that's one of my soapbox things recently is like of course I have stuff because of we all do, whatever our experiences are, it all affects us in you know, like everything has a cause and effect, and of course that affected me. Um so, anyways, I kind of got off track a little bit, but you can say the rest. You're born now.

Molly Johnson:

I was born now. Um, but yeah, so my dad he did work nights a lot, and he um didn't live with us very often. Um, so I've been kind of because of work.

Jessie Lake:

He would go away for like two, like he would work in California for two years. Um like doing he was like a co-manager of Walmart. So he would go like to a new store or whatever, and he would be gone for a couple of years and come home on the weekends, or um, my mom would go there for like a weekend or something. So like the day in and day out, we really didn't see him much, particularly after we moved um to Eugene, is when he really started working out of town a lot, which is when Molly's like most of her childhood was.

Molly Johnson:

Yeah. So so most of our life really was just Jesse and um our mom and me. And that felt really great. Like Jesse talks about how she didn't know that we were kind of part of this demographic, and I think a large part of that is because um it it was the three of us a lot of the time, and our mom shielded us from a lot. Like obviously things seeped through, and you know, she couldn't shield us from everything. Um, but our life was really good and really happy and safe and fulfilling and felt really normal uh most of the time, except when he was around. Um so we I was looking through um like some documentation from when she filed for divorce, and and she even said like more than half of my life, he didn't even like live in the same house as us. Um which thank you so much. Um but yeah, so um I mean things continued on in that same way. Like I don't really have very many memories of him being a dad. I don't have a memory of him ever reading me a book, I don't have memories of him tucking me in for bed. Um, I just he wasn't really around, but when he was around, um it wasn't pleasant. And so um things, you know, kind of progressively got a little bit worse, but still felt kind of okay. And it's confusing because of that that so much was going on and she was facing so much turmoil and she was going through all of this, but she was holding down a job and she was a social worker, and she was I was enrolled in sports and she never missed a game. And really, yeah, so it's just I think from the outside, um we just looked like a really normal, quiet group of three for the most part.

Alisha Coakley:

So I'm sorry to interrupt, but your mom, so she was a social worker, so she was in she was seeing her life played out in all of these different families that she's working with, right?

Jessie Lake:

And she was the wittiest, strongest, most independent, loyal, loving, like it's mind-boggling what uh like through this process, we've realized, like, oh, she was scared. She had a secret bank account, she had notes tucked in her sock drawer, she knew that things were bad. We didn't know that she knew that. Like she didn't tell us she was scared, we didn't feel scared when it was the three of us. And even when it was him, it was like he's pouting, he's this, he's that, but it's not like so. It was confusing. It was like this doesn't feel right, but it's not what I'm seeing on TV of like he's not beating her up, and she's not doing drugs, and we don't live in a trailer, and so it was like, what is this? I don't know why I feel so bad around him. I didn't have a name for it, or I I mean, truly, Molly made me take a test when I was test, like the adverse childhood experience that you've heard of. And I was like, Oh, well, that looks bad on paper, but I didn't realize that's what it really was. Like it's like I would always say he strangled her, but it's like, oh, I'm not supposed to do the air quotes anymore for things like he actually strangled her. And because it just happened once, and because it was just this weird to me situation, it like devalidated, like devalidated the situations, I feel like, and then because she went on, like she went to work and she did her stuff, and and so it was like, oh, okay, well, that was weird. Um and now I'm a wreck, but who knows why? Like, what's wrong with me? And um, so yeah, I mean, for all intents and purposes, she really anyone who remembers her just remembers how funny and strong and independent, and it's just shocking that it was happening to her, I guess.

Molly Johnson:

And to us. Yeah. Um, yeah. And I think the part that we have come to realize is that while there were these isolated events, he was still that person to her in private, but it just didn't erupt in front of us. Um, and so I'm sure that she was still experiencing all of those things from him in ways that we couldn't see. And she had those scars and and we didn't know um because our life felt normal and we were just those quiet girls in that house, you know, like we just entered the park.

Jessie Lake:

To that point, um, Molly's like on a mission to she's been asking all the questions to all the people. We just celebrated the 20th anniversary with a benefit concert, and it brought people back into our lives that we kind of like she died, and I was supposed to be starting my junior year of college, Molly was supposed to be starting fifth grade. We moved to a different town, our life started, it was like it didn't happen. Like we were different people with it, it was just kind of bizarre to be honest. But it brought this concert brought back into our life a lot of people who we haven't spoken to in 20 years that we were close with. And one of them was my mom's best friend, and she was telling Molly, like, um my mom suffered from clinical migraines, which Molly has too, but Molly's are really um brought on by stress, and I'm like, oh, how funny. Our mom had migraines literally all the time, like throwing up like really bad. Um, I'm like, oh, do you think like maybe it's because she was stressed all the time?

Molly Johnson:

Like, I don't know, but um stuff like mine started when I was two when he choked her for the first time. So mine started because of this, and I've had a migraine, gosh, every day since the concert. Like, just there's so much that we're processing right now, and so I I really think that hers were you know, it's hereditary and we both have this gene or whatever it is that stress it's aggravated by stress.

Jessie Lake:

But Wendy was saying that um he would do stuff like dump out her hide or dump out her migraine um prescription medicine because he would say stuff like, Well, if you don't want to spend time with me, just tell me don't pretend you have a migraine. She's like literally throwing up or like in the emergency room because she can't function. Um and so like she actually, when we moved to Eugene, my mom's best friend Wendy still lived in Medford, Oregon. So there's about three hours between them. So my mom had the prescription switched to Wendy's pharmacy. Wendy would pick them up and mail them to my mom's work so that my mom could hide them from him so that she could still have her medicine. So she was dealing with stuff like that. We didn't even find that out until a couple weeks ago, you know, like so she was dealing with a lot of stuff that we genuinely had no idea. So for us, it was these isolated events, and for her, it was a lifetime of it, you know, a day in and day out um kind of situation.

Alisha Coakley:

And I imagine, I mean, you guys were there obviously more often than the best friend or other family members or whatever else.

Jessie Lake:

And so they had probably even less insight right into how bad it it really was, unless your mom might have been really open with them about she was like um at the very end, like I know my grandpa came into the house and installed locks on our windows so that they wouldn't open more than like an inch or something like that, so we could have windows open, but not enough because he was climbing in through windows and um doing other stuff like that towards the end. But um she really wasn't very open with anybody about the details of it, other than I mean, which at the same time is weird. Like she had my grandma open a secret bank account in my grandma's name that my mom would deposit money from her checks into every month in case something happened to her, Molly would be taken care of. So it's like my grandma did that, but then my grandma

Alisha Coakley:

not ask the question like I'm like why how did you know that but you didn't know like you didn't I don't know it's confusing and of course our grandparents have passed now so we can't um really ask all the questions we would like to but but it is tricky yeah I think in situations like that it's um how do I say this I feel I feel like my parents like the boomer generation right or whatever I feel like um they had this marriage is marriage come hell or high water doesn't matter what happens people fight you get over it right like they have this like mentality of uh you pretty much could do just about anything and because you committed to being married you you're committed to being married so you try your best to make it as good as you can but understand that it's not going to be as good and then you go down to like our generation and we've kind of we've kind of learned about like no no no there are definitely things that are like an no go like things that that warrant getting out of relationships that aren't healthy for you because of all of the trickling trauma effects that happens you know deep within not just the person that's that's dealing with it directly but all of the the children and the you know like it kind of trickles down um and now I feel like the youngest generation star out there it's almost it's almost like the exact opposite extreme it's like the one time that you disagree over what to have to do that's it that's the now they're like it's like hold on we need to we need to all figure out a big balance but but I can see how maybe her parents had a a different way of looking at relationships and so while yes they didn't want that for her they also probably were were battling with their own trauma too in like you don't quit and totally well I think she actually because in high school I said why are you do like do you even what's to like about him?

Jessie Lake:

Like what are you doing? Why are you putting up with this? And she turned to me and she was like you don't know what you're talking about. I don't want like yeah I know getting divorced from my dad really wrecked her you know she thought they were gonna be together forever and he well he says he didn't cheat on her but he cheated on her and um you know it's just it broke her heart and then she's a single mom and then Molly's dad comes in and he's mowing the lawn and dropping off groceries and bringing me presents and doing all this stuff that like as a single mom like she didn't want to come home from work and mow the lawn and take care of all of this stuff and he swooped in and did that and she told me like it was never about being in love with him. It was like he took care of what needed to be taken care of and she told me that like you don't know what it's like to be divorced and you don't give up on on a marriage like I made a commitment and I'm that was my choice and I'm committed to it and I was like I mean I was like 15 or something but I remember feeling like super swolded but also like you just told me you didn't even like it was never about being in love with them like then leave. Yeah but I think probably for her she also felt a little bit of that same confusion like he's not that bad. Yes like I can deal with his pouting or I can deal with his whatever because it's not that bad. And then the isolated events were so few and far between that you can kind of justify him you know um a little bit over time. Yeah but there were several smaller events when we were younger and then things he was gone a lot and things kind of seemed to calm down and then he moved back home full time my freshman year of college and um I don't really feel bad but I always do feel like a little bit bad that what started like the beginning of the end was he had turned my bedroom into like his den. And I was coming home for the summer and my mom was like well she needs her bedroom like she needs an actual bedroom and he felt like I didn't need a bedroom um and my mom insisted that I needed a bedroom and somehow that turned into she was choosing me over him. So he refused to come out of the bedroom so I would sleep on the couch um when I was home like on the weekends or whatever um but he also stopped speaking to anybody and it I I think it was like the end for her. She just like couldn't she wouldn't ask him to come out of the bedroom she wouldn't ask what was wrong or you know she was like this is just like I can't like I can't live with a two year old you know I'm not gonna play this game or whatever. And he just he really dug his heels in and by I think September was like pretty bad and by Christmas um he had taken pliers and scrunched his wedding ring and said that's what he was gonna do to her and um and then after that he moved out but he moved across we lived in front of a park he moved across the park um into an apartment complex and we just found out that he would use his rifle scope to spy you could see from his living room window into our the front of our house and so he set up a mattress and he had his scope and would um spy and then wow things just kept getting worse and worse he would unscrew light bulbs when we weren't home so we would come home and it was dark or he would um leave notes in the house just to let her know that he had been there and he'd figured out a way to get in she had the locksmith there a lot that summer um and it got to the point at the end speaking of not being able to like trust myself really like is what I think is real like actually real I told my dad and my grandparents maybe within a week or two of her dying um I I genuinely think he's gonna kill her like this is getting out of like I don't understand what's happening this is just getting worse and and my dad for sure verbally was like no he's not you know he's blowing smoke he wants the attention he's he's not gonna do anything and I was like okay um and I'm like all these things that felt real to me but people assured me weren't really real my whole life I look back and I'm like no I was I was actually right and you should have helped me like don't always dismiss me and what I'm observing or seeing or feeling and that really taught me over my lifetime I mean my dad was a really big like I don't feel good well tell yourself you do feel good and then you'll be fine and I'm like that turns out I have strep or um I'm cold well tell yourself you're not cold like your body will warm itself up and like I mean I think I'm actually cold um but I we really learned to like oh yeah okay it's probably not that bad I'm probably just um being dramatic and on the phone with 911 I remember saying he's killing her he's killing her but my brain is saying stop being dramatic like it's probably fine it's probably fine you're being dramatic but like seeing that it's not fine but I couldn't I was at a place where it's like I didn't trust my own intuition intuition or or I don't know sense of what was like right before my eyes I don't know yeah sorry I'm talking way too much you talking so I mean how it ends is he killed her.

Molly Johnson:

So yeah he killed her he broke into our house Jesse was there she was behind a door but Jesse was there.

Alisha Coakley:

And how old were you guys when this happened?

Molly Johnson:

Jesse was 21 and I was 11. It was the day of our birthday party um so we had just had our birthday the day before um and we're going to celebrate later that day um yeah nothing like emptying out a fridge of I now have realized why I have this trauma.

Jessie Lake:

Molly has it too we just discovered we both have it but any event of any kind that I have to prepare for ahead of time I start getting nervous like what if someone gets sick and we have to cancel what if like on the way to the temple to get married I'm like what if Matt gets in a car accident on the way to the temple and we never actually get to get married but I thought we were and it was supposed to be exciting and now it's not exciting. And I'm like oh that's because we were having cake delivered to our hotel after she died like well what are we supposed to do with this cake and I'm like what are we supposed to do with this cake and canceling the venue and throwing away the fried chicken and potato salad that my mom had made for Molly and all these things that had gone into this party that didn't get to happen but you still have to cancel it all. You still have to call the pool and say and all the friends and all the things and clean out the fridge and do all the stuff to not have the party and I'm like oh that's why anytime I prepare to do anything I start getting anxious and worried but that was not until therapy that I realized that I did it and why why I react that way.

Molly Johnson:

And that Molly does too yeah turns out it scars yeah who knew so you had so you had your birthday and then you were having a party the next day he killed her um early early on a Saturday morning.

Jessie Lake:

So it was 4 30 in the morning I had actually fallen asleep in her bed. Molly was at a sleepover at her best friend's house and I um he had followed her through the grocery store that evening he had followed her um when she was leaving work she was having people from work like escort her to the parking lot because a lot of times he'd be standing at the edge of the parking lot or whatever. And so we had gone to bed but at about 1.30 I woke up and my legs were restless and um we always joke because he didn't mess around with my mom's sleep. Like I didn't even flush the toilet in the middle of the night because you didn't want to accidentally wake her up with being too noisy. So my legs were feeling really restless and now looking back I'm sure it was like some sort of divine intervention. But at the time I was like why did my legs like why did I have to leave her um but I went I never had restless I was 21 I'd never had restless like issues but I just could not fall back asleep without tossing and turning and I knew it was going to bugger. So I went to my room which was just across the hall and I left her door open I left my door open and at 4 30 I woke up and her door was closed and my heart was beating really fast. So I must have heard something um and I got up I tried to call 911 oh I got up her door was locked I tried to call 911 and he had cut our foam cords but cell phones had just recently become a real thing. So I had my cell phone and I was able to call 911 um and I had one of those little push pin lock things you know I was trying to unlock her door and I couldn't unlock the door and all I mean I was yelling are you okay are you okay and I had no idea what was going on um and she said no and then he shot her but I thought it it just kind of sounded like a belt slap you know when you snap a belt and so I said he's hitting her to the 911 lady because the door was still locked um and then I got the door open and he was gone and she was um she was definitely dead the I mean the 911 lady made me roll her over and check for a pulse and stuff which I could not do because I'm sorry if this is graphic, but he shot her right here. So when I rolled her over the I mean I couldn't really check for a pulse and I was way too scared in my fight or flight like I left the house multiple reports from neighbors said they heard like someone thought a cat was dying um people just heard screaming and it was like I just left um until the police got there.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah not that this is any part of lightness but when I walked into the room it literally felt like a mist of darkness like truly it had a feeling the room had a feeling to it um and then he went home and killed himself but um yeah well there probably was some divine intervention there I mean you're at your friend's house at a sleepover and then you get prompted to leave the room.

Jessie Lake:

Yeah and then even like I had the key and it would not unlock until he was gone. By the time I got and it and I we're talking about a matter of minutes you know like it start to finish it was four or five minutes or something. So um I by the time I got in the room there was a door that went to our back patio and stuff he had gone out that back door and was and was gone. So for sure um we recently um received the case files for all this all the police reports and stuff that had happened and they also found um rope that he had cut to specific links um duct tape there were three guns um a goodbye note uh some other notes a note about how good of a person I was and so that meant he also had to have been a good person because he raised me um there was really that honestly has been one of the hardest things for you to feel like I was because they were gonna go to court over custody for Molly and so he was preparing why he should have custody of Molly and that there was a piece of paper that was titled Jesse and then he didn't sexually abuse me he didn't lay a hand to me I'm a good young lady um and so I was like oh my gosh like I was gonna become part of his twisted gaslighting manipulation and I could hear his voice and the word like how he phrased it and stuff it brought back it's almost like we erased him from our narrative the past 20 years. It's like we talk about our mom we do special things to remember her her and I joke about a lot of stuff to avoid feeling a lot of stuff um but it's like he didn't really exist. And so seeing pictures of him we recently discovered family videos that we thought were lost forever that my grandma had taken um in a bin that we've been through many times but he's on the videos um so is our mom and so are we growing up so it's so special and it's been so tender but it's also like oh he was real and that was a real situation and it's kind of meshing back together these two versions of life that we have it's like before she died we were this group of people and after we were this and now all of a sudden everything's kind of meshing back together and it's um for sure painful and shocking and really strange to to remember things like that's how he spoke that's like the cadence of his voice or that's whatever. But it's also been so validating to for me I can't speak for Molly but so validating to see court documents that back up things that I thought I had witnessed. I'm like I that did happen and it did happen though that was scary and my mom's handwriting is right here like writing it out and in fact it's worse her retelling of it is worse than what I remembered. And so I'm like it's been really validating for me to be able to see on paper what we went through and to feel like it was like it was real and it was what it was like it was domestic violence it was scary there was a reason to feel uncomfortable around him he was not a kind person. And it was all really meditated and planned out like his letters that he wrote saying his goodbyes and what he wanted done with his money and stuff were dated 10 days before he actually killed her.

Molly Johnson:

You know he had like really planned it out he let our dog go he did it wasn't like a fit of passion and he just like lost control or something you know so yeah so afterwards um Jesse mentioned we like kind of picked up our lives and started fresh I mean I don't think that that was ever our intention but it's what became of us like we were surviving at that point and um so we moved um down to southern Oregon and and started fresh and um a couple months not a couple months almost a year later Jesse got married to her husband and um a couple years after that um I moved in with them and um so Jessie and her husband raised me uh from that time forward and we grew up in a family that was not religious at all. My my grandparents were devout Lutherans um for most of their their marriage um and then our our mom just kind of left that behind she there was no animosity or or anything she could take it or leave it and she chose to leave it. And so our our lives growing up were she was fine with us going to church with our grandma but it wasn't ever something that like she instilled in us we weren't we weren't religious at all.

Jessie Lake:

But Jesse kind of always had that like in her in her um I feel like I did sought it out from the time that I was really little um my grandma taught me how to pray um when I was going through my obsessive compulsive anxiety stuff when I was um it was mostly when I was 12 but a little bit when I was 13 I was I had a goal to read the Bible cover to cover and I would have I would read the same line over and over and over again. And if I didn't do it the thing that was going to happen was that I was going to throw up and so I was like I have to do it and I have to do it right so that I don't get sick. And my mom would sit like I would get stuck in the Old Testament. My mom would sit there and she would read out loud to me. She didn't care about reading it but she knew I did and so she would read it to me or take me to church if I asked her to and I would go by myself I just found a Lutheran church in town and that's where my grandma told me to go so I would go and um so I always was seeking it out. I loved it I love order and comfort and security and I feel like church always felt like that to me. But I was open to any kind of church honestly and the boy who started dating in high school was LDS so I was like sure go to church with you and um I went to church on and off all through high school with his family or with friends um I went through way too many sets of missionaries to they would always get sick of me so like they'd say oh well we challenge you to you know are you ready to get baptized I'm like no I'm 15. I don't know what I'm ready to do. I'm not doing that. But because I'm so black and white I was like well I don't want to go to hell and I had you know my grandma saying if I joined this church I was going to hell I don't want to I don't want to go to hell so I guess I won't but then I felt like I knew too much and so I was like well what if I don't choose it and go to hell anyways because I was supposed to choose it. But when I was a freshman in college my mom was like Jesse you have to decide or I can't listen to this anymore like you've got to you've got to commit or stop because you're driving yourself crazy.

Molly Johnson:

So the next week I was baptized and I never looked back yeah and then and she started dating her now husband before he went on his mission and he went on his mission and our mom loved Matt and I think that that's just like a really tender part of all of this is that she deeply loved Matt.

Jessie Lake:

She wrote Matt on on his mission. We weren't even together like we were like casually dating before he left and then we wrote each other but like my mom would send him care packages or updates on Molly's soccer games and what I was doing or whatever. So it was really sweet that they knew each other but um when Molly did up I was very adamant there was a lot of issues with in our family about where Molly was living a lot of people did not feel like Matt and I were old enough to be raising a 13 year old um we were only 23 um which like checks out you know it's not important that that was normal. Yeah there was a lot of concerns there was a lot of frustration that we were LDS and that we were gonna brainwash her and all of that. So I told our bishop I was like do not send the missionaries to our house do not talk to her about anything if she comes she comes if she doesn't she doesn't like do not send anybody to my door like under any circumstances and they respected that they didn't they totally let her go at her own pace and um there was no pressure that I no can remember.

Molly Johnson:

But I can remember I would go to mutual I wasn't I wasn't baptized or anything but I was participating you know Matt and Jesse were going to church on Sunday and so I was like I want to be home home alone like I'll go with you and so it you know it started by degrees and I think that that was what I needed and what what we all needed and um so I can remember that they went to the temple and I and I was like what's the deal about the temple? Why can't I go or something like that. And it was that I wasn't baptized and so I think at that point I was like oh it's like either I'm gonna be in or I'm gonna be out like I want to make a make a decision. I don't want to be partially a part of something and and so I was laying on the floor and I told Jessie was asleep on the couch. She fell asleep nice and early every night and I told her husband I was ready to take the missionary discussions and they were there. I'm sure they had been chomping at the bit I mean everybody knew who I was this 13 year old who was coming to church but was unbaptized I was certainly on the missionaries radar and they they showed up and I took the discussions for I don't know how long. But anyways I chose to get baptized and I was actually recently reminded of it you know I think a lot of people talk about their experiences as like really rosy and it was such a great experience and I came out of the baptismal waters and felt sick. I was like I made a mistake this wasn't right I don't feel good about this decision and I was I'm pretty sure I was sitting on the floor in the bathroom when Jesse walked in and I was praying and I was like I don't know what to do. Like it just it just didn't feel good. And that's that feeling actually did stay for a while. Like it wasn't this miraculous I got the Holy Ghost and it went away or anything like that. Like I had to like really fight for it and figure out if this is what I wanted because it didn't just resolve on its own and it didn't solve all of my problems and um so I I do feel like I had to dig a little bit deeper to to stay um and I did I stayed and um went through the young women's program I got admitted to BYU and went to BYU I served a mission and um so we have you know stayed in it but I I remember one of the formative experiences for me that um after our mom died was asking Jesse like where is our mom like what happens from here I like I I can't understand I was young and I can remember Jesse saying that like she believed in heaven and like what that looked like and you know the plan of salvation. And so that has been one of like the pivotal parts for me. You know I feel like there are so many different components to the gospel um and there are parts that really stick out to me that feel I feel connected to and um being able to see our mom again is one that I think I hold on to probably the the dearest and um really look forward to that day. But I think I mean the name of the podcast being Latter day lights I think that that's a really big part of um of our journey is is that but also like just being able to shine a light on what our mom went through. You know we went through so much of this in secrecy and in the quiet and feeling dramatic and and now shining a light on what that can look like and I just think that the name of your podcast has a few levels for me right now.

Jessie Lake:

Right I just wanted to add to that that I feel like there is I'm like a pretty practical I mean I know I have anxiety so that's not super practical but I feel like I'm a pretty like level non-emotional like highs and lows kind of person and so same like I don't I haven't experienced these grand like and the heavens parted and I knew it was true. It's like yeah this feels good I want to do it and I'm ready to commit to it type of a thing but I do feel like sometimes in church culture there's this expectation or this like um message that I think not on purpose but I think gets repeated or perpetuated that um you don't feel bad things when you have a testimony a strong testimony and I think um I oh well I just feel that's not true. I mean Jesus felt and wept and felt a lot of things like there is a lot of pain and a lot of hard things and a lot of experiences and I think like we're told that's part of why we're here. So the gospel's not gonna just you know people will say well I'm sad but I know I'll see them again I'm like hmm that feels very abstract and far away to me like I just actually feel sad. And the plan of salvation doesn't really take away that sadness for me personally I there are a couple scriptures I love for that reason there's a promise in um I think it's Proverbs that God will bless us like here right now. And so I'm like yes thank you I need to know that you have my back like today I'm so glad that things are going to work out in eternity and I will be pleasantly surprised when I get there but I'm like how can you help me today? Because today I need to know that you are real not like when I died like I want to know right now that you have my back and And so I feel like that has been maybe like a little bit different of a perspective than I feel like maybe is traditional. I feel like I even with Molly like I don't think a whole lot about what it will be like to reunite with her mom because that's really painful and really far away and really abstract. And my brain doesn't necessarily think like that. And so I'm like, things that I think are the equivalent to that. I will give you just a little example that sunflowers are um comedy. Yeah. Sunflowers are our sign from our mom that she's still here. Um we have seen them. There was one growing under my in the rocks under my back deck in Maine where nothing grows on my birthday. There was one on the surgical cap of the nurse who was doing Molly's IMF treatments. There is like it's just they show up in random places at random times all the time, and we're like, oh, it's Ma. Like, oh, she's real or God's real or whatever. Um, and so the other day, um, I don't know if you guys are familiar with Brooke White, but she was on American Idol, which is LDS, like way back in the day. And my kids grew up listening to the Calico album. Um, love it, we love it, we know every song. And but then we kind of like lost track of her. Um, I don't even know if she was still making music or anything, but last week my daughter, she's ran down the stairs. She's like, Mom, Brooke White has a new song, and guess what it's called? It's called Sunflowers. And um, a couple hours later, we got the email from the police department of the case files, and it had all this intense information. And I am not kidding, like I literally felt like the words of the song were like the words of a mom, like our mom to us. Like it says in there multiple times, like, you have what you need inside of you, and the things that weigh you down from the past, you know, like you got it, you can do this. And Molly Mary just like, of course, like that song is released within hours of us getting this information into someone else that might feel like whatever. Um, but that's like the equivalent for me of feeling like I'll get to see her, you know, like the plan of salvation. Like, I feel like God knows that I need I need reminders now for it to mean anything, um for it to give me any glimpse of the future, I guess. Um so I kind of always feel funny like in early society because I'm like, yeah, I'm still sad. Or I'm still what uh like that. Actually was really painful.

Molly Johnson:

Um but anyways, I don't know how to like really express that very well, but you did great. Thanks.

Jessie Lake:

I also don't cry, so that was a gift, hey, you and me both.

Scott Brandley:

Although when I was a bishop, I cried like a baby on many occasions, but um so this might be a little bit hard to talk about, but like what about forgiveness and mercy? How does that play into what happened with you guys? Because it that's such a brutal thing we'd have to experience, and it and there was a lot of trauma there. Does is how does that play into your life?

Molly Johnson:

Well, I think the most direct is about my dad. Um, I'm assuming that you know I feel like that's where we're headed with that. And um I want nothing to do with him. I'll be honest, like I don't have love for him and I don't hope to see him again. Um, but what I did for him is I did his temple work on my mission and I washed my hands and I'm done. Um like I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna play into his narrative of like any more, like I don't want to be manipulated anyway. So I'm like, here, you have this, I have nothing else to give you, and I'm done. And I think that that's all I'm asking of myself right now, um, as as a way of forgiveness. I think I'm gonna say that was merciful of me. I didn't have to do that, but I I felt like it was important that I wasn't any any reason that he could be held back or something. Like I'm done, I have no ties, I've I've done it all. Um, so that's as that's all I'm ever gonna ask, or I feel like I'm gonna ask of myself in this life where I'm at right now.

Jessie Lake:

I don't know how you feel, but yeah, I felt like um again, I'm not great with abstract. So I'm like, how do you forgive someone that you can't have a conversation with? Like he's not here to apologize or to under like, were you did you regret it? Did you not? Like, was that did it go the way you want? You know, it's like very strange. Um and so I spent a really long time thinking, of course I forgave him because I didn't have any feelings towards him. But what I've come to realize in the recent past is I just erased him. So I didn't necessarily forgive him, but I did choose to block out his presence in my narrative. And I focused on Molly and my mom and I and the good things. And um, so I think I have felt angry for the first time, really, since this has happened with after reading the case files. And so I think I'm at like a new stage of grief. Like, I think I'm like, oh wow, I actually do think I might have a little bit of anger, but it's never been like a like you know how sometimes like anger can just like eat you uh up inside and you like I don't necessarily have like Molly said, like I don't sit here and like wish bad things upon him. I just don't want anything to do, like I don't want anything to do with him. It has recently felt a little frustrating because um his kids have been really difficult with Molly in kind of perpetuating this being silent and not sharing our story and not really helping with any information and some other things that I'm like I'm getting tired of these people having the last the final say. They say no, or he says my mom doesn't get to live and it doesn't, and she doesn't, and they say they're not gonna share the information and then we don't get it. And um just feeling some frustration with that, but also feeling like it's given us freedom to to share our own story and to use our own voice to um I don't know, to kind of share like where what we have experienced, and um I don't know. I don't know where I'm at with forgiveness. I don't have bad feelings towards him, and I don't have loving feelings. I just kind of have no feelings mixed with a little bit of newfound anger, I feel like.

Scott Brandley:

Yeah, well the reason I ask, yeah, the reason I ask is because I mean it's something you've gone through as most people don't, right? And we we talk about forgiveness as if it's something that you can almost do offhanded to somebody that offends you, right? But what happens when it's something extreme? You know, how does how does that work? So I was just curious to on how how you guys have have dealt with that. That's really interesting, your responses, and and you know, I think you're right. Sometimes forgiveness has to be a process and it could take decades. Maybe even the your whole life could take an eternity, right?

Alisha Coakley:

Literally, like it, I I mean, obviously, I haven't had anything like this happen, but but when you're talking about the trauma and stuff that was inflicted because of his choices, that's the thing that to me personally, it's like you do have to live every day with the fact that he he murdered your mom. And I know a lot of people might look at that and think that that's the biggest thing. But because of all of the things that he did when you were when you guys were younger, you're not just trying to forgive him for one violent act that was horrendous. You're trying to give him for the million tiny little acts that were more subtle and malicious and manipulative, and like it's not as simple as just forgiving the one big thing that's loud and bright. It's every single little tiny hole that he put in your boat, you know? And what you were saying, and especially, you know, when you were talking about like your baptism and stuff, because the gospel, living the gospel has a lot of a lot of healing power, and it gives you a lot of power in general to get through things. Um, the atonement is definitely there for every single situation that we have, right? Christ can absolutely lift our burdens, heal our pains, he can make us whole again. But also sometimes he lets us be unhealed for a very long time because there are a million different lessons that we need to learn. And it's not that he's inflicting the pain, it's that he's letting us sit in it, knowing that that pain is going to be something that's gonna be used for our good. Sometimes I love that scripture, sometimes I hate it. All things will be used to our good, right? And um, I do know that there is definitely a power in being able to forgive, but I don't I don't think that I don't think that you have to put so much stress on yourself to forgive very like in any specific time period, or in any specific way.

Jessie Lake:

Like, what does that work necessarily mean? Like in action, you know, like could you label what Molly did in the temple for her dad as forgiveness? Sure. What someone else maybe not label that as forgiveness, sure. Like, I think our definition of it, we put pressure even on ourselves to say we've done it. And it's like, well, what you want me to say the words? Do you want me to like what does that mean in real life when it's not a verbal apology? I am sorry. Oh, thank you. I accept, you know, like so. What does it look like when it isn't that? And I think I think for me personally, it's not living a life of anger and resentment. Like I think we've lived a really we are living a really full and beautiful good life in the midst of really hard experiences. And I think that I mean, for me right now, that's my definition of sure. I forget.

Scott Brandley:

Well, I think it's been cool to see your relationship together, the two of you. Um you can definitely tell that you guys love each other and you have a close bond. Um, let's kind of wrap this up on a positive note. Like you said, it's Latter day lights, and I know that you guys found some found some really cool things when you're going through your mom's stuff. So let maybe tell us about that story.

Molly Johnson:

Yeah, well, we weren't the ones to pack up our house after our mom died. Movers did that, and they um just you know, take absolutely everything and put it into a box and label it. And so a couple of years after um she died, we're going through boxes and in the box labeled linen closet, there were towels and linens and things like that. But there was also a manila envelope with um manuscripts, eight children's manuscripts, and their cover letters, and um some like magazine printouts with different publishing houses and um and and plans for which manuscript would go to this publisher and this publishing house. And she had organized all these things and and then put it in an envelope. And so we found them a couple years later, but I mean Jessie was in the middle of raising me, and her husband was in school, and just like living life, you know, and so over the years we've discovered them and and read them and put them back and brought them out again and then put them back. And um recently we um have really latched on to the dream of making it happen. We feel like we're at a time in our life where we can do that and help her to fulfill her dream. So she wrote eight children's manuscripts. There's seven that we'll probably um publish for the public. One of them is um just like from a different time um and not as PC. Yeah, just just like her wording and the things that she said. Like we would have to change her words a lot to make it something that we could sell. They were all written in the early 80s. So they're yeah. Yeah, and and it was all, I mean, there's nothing negative or anything, but it just her words maybe weren't as wouldn't be as well received today. And so rather than change them, we're just gonna keep those for our that one for ourselves, and we'll move forward with the other seven. And so um right now we don't we're both Jesse homeschools our kids. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I don't homeschool, I just play with play-doh. Um, but we don't know anything about like the publishing process or children's literature or anything like that beyond loving books ourselves, just as our mom did. And so um we are kind of learning as we go through this process. We're in the fundraising process right now to help um pay for illustrations and coming marketing costs and things like that. But it's been really special to revisit this project at this time when you know we just had 20 years. We're learning so many more things about what her experience was and just how silent she really was about her experience. Um we we've talked to so many people uh these last few months, just trying to understand what they knew. And the honest truth is they knew so little. She wasn't sharing, she was keeping that private and she was shouldering that on her own. Um and um and so this has all come at like a really tender time, and it's been important to us to fulfill this dream that she had. Jesse said, you know, they were from the 80s and she died in 2005, and no, it's 2025. So it's been years and years and years that these have this dream of hers has been literally tucked in a manila envelope. Um, and so right now we're just in the process of bringing her words to the public, publishing them, illustrating these books so that our kids can read them and we can read them, and other people can read them and and see that yeah, he made this choice and he tried to silence her, but like her words live on, and her dream is living on, and it's now become our dream to be able to facilitate this for her. And just I feel so strongly about having more of her in my life. I want my kids to know her voice, I want my kids to know her face, um, and to be familiar with her. And if the only way that that can be is through pictures and her writing, then like by golly, we're gonna do it. There's just there's no other option in in my mind. So we're in that process right now of the illustrations. Jessie's kind of spearheading that side of things and working through all of that. And I just the cheerleader, hurrah.

Alisha Coakley:

I love that. So tell us, because we have connections, right? Like Scott and I, we've got a lot of authors and people in publishing and media and things like that who have been guests on the show, who have reached out to us. Um, so if anyone's listening or if we can do anything, what is what would your ask be? What could help to make this a reality for you and for your mom?

Jessie Lake:

I mean, we found the illustrator, which was I think our hardest. I mean, that was really hard for us to find something that felt true to her. Um, and is like also modern.

Molly Johnson:

And um, but because our goal is to have it feel like she had accomplished this in the 80s.

Jessie Lake:

Yeah, so we are not really changing her words. The editor that we're working with is like really actually keeping it um, who knew, but now it's gonna be historical kid lit because the 80s are so long ago. So um it's not really changing much because it was like a totally different writing style back then for kids' books. Um and so the illustrations also will look more authentic to that time period. Um and so that's neat and special for us. But um I think for I don't know what Molly would say. For me, I would say the most important thing for us is just exposure. Like we need people to know and to help raise money and so that the books can get published, and to um honestly just like raise awareness for domestic violence and also for um, I don't know, like I said before, like I just feel like it's so important to feel validated in whatever it is that you're experiencing and um to know that like we all have a story, we all have a past, we all have things that we learn from, but um that there really is so much joy and goodness and doing this project has made us feel connected to her in a way that I don't think we ever really expected to, and to feel like um she's new to us again has been just a joy, I feel like, to be able to feel close to her in that way and to be able to kind of open this back up for us.

Molly Johnson:

So I don't know, that didn't really answer your question, but yeah, I think you said it like exposure. We need people to get us on Kelly Clarkson. Yeah, we need Oprah. Yeah, are you out there, Oprah? Um like I think I think we just need to utilize any and all platforms to be able to share about her story, including these books, and to be able to um shine a light on domestic violence and shine a light on um all parts of her journey because she didn't she didn't deserve that end. Um, and so it won't be her end. Um we've made that really important to us, and so um I don't know, it feels hard to ask for specific things because we don't even we don't know what we're doing.

Alisha Coakley:

Gotcha. So you see, you almost need kind of like a mentor to help guide you to the next steps, would be maybe a really helpful resource. So we did have a guest, Bridget Cook Birch. She has, I mean, she's all things publishing, and she actually writes stories. And I'm just thinking, I mean, I can I can't make any promises, but I can reach out to her and I can see if this is something that she can help with because she writes stories um about people who have gone through some really big traumatic uh situations and stuff. She's in that industry and she helps writers to write their own story too. And I'm wondering if she might have some type of direction or connection. Um, you know, maybe even, I mean, she might even want to write your mom's story, which could help with exposure.

Molly Johnson:

Um no, I don't actually think it's a joke. It's a joke, Bridget. I don't know.

Alisha Coakley:

Let us let us put some feelers out there and see if we can help you guys, you know, at least with with direction connections, something like that. Um, but obviously any guests who are listening to the story today, if you guys want to help out, um, go ahead and and what's the best way? Do you want them to get in contact with us and then us direct you? Is there like a a way that they can directly contact you guys? Sure.

Molly Johnson:

I mean, whatever feels natural. We uh we're kind of sharing about our journey and what we're working on um through Instagram mostly. Uh the handle is Barty Books. Our mom's last name was Bartholomus. Um, and so Barty Books is her is the handle on there. And if they want us directly, then that's great. Or if they want to go through you, we're open to it.

Jessie Lake:

That's where you can see our cute mom and get to know her. And there's videos and pictures and stuff, and she just honestly was the best, and you'll love her if you go look at it.

Alisha Coakley:

Okay. Well, we'll be sure to put that all of those links and stuff in the description so everyone can go and they can check that out and reach out to you guys via Instagram, or you guys are welcome to to email latterdaylights at gmail.com and we can get people tied in together. So awesome. Gosh. Well, tell us, I mean, as we're wrapping up here, you know, this is this is that there's been a lot in this. Um, but are there any final thoughts that you you ladies have? Uh anything you want to leave with our listeners today? I feel like I was the chattiest cave of all.

Molly Johnson:

Yeah, but you were great at it. Oh gosh, I just think everybody has a story to tell, you know. Um, and I think it's it's unfortunate that someone's choices um resulted in, you know, had had so many ripple effects. Um, but we have really decided to kind of be a cycle breaker and and stop those things from moving forward. We um want to be part of change and have you know future generations have it a little bit easier than we did. And I don't know, I just I hope everybody knows how much we love our mom, I guess. I don't know. I just we're we are not people who love the spotlight. Um if that wasn't evidence. So we're we're doing this because we love our mom and feel like that was not her end, and um, and it won't be because of that ditto.

Scott Brandley:

Well, she has you, both of you, to carry on her life and her memories and now her stories. So that's pretty awesome.

Alisha Coakley:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Oh man. Well, you girls are just seeing in keep calling you girls, you're not girls, you're women. Um, I you're just awesome. And the way that you love each other and support each other, and the way that you're keeping your mom's memory alive and really trying to focus on some of the good that she wanted to bring to the world, I think it's just a really beautiful thing. And um, and I know that it's it's I know that it's not fair, and I know that there's a lot of things that you're gonna have to be continually aware of and working on, and more things you're gonna find out about that you're like, oh, I understand why that happens now. I'm hoping that as you continue to heal, that you'll just draw closer and closer to the savior, and that you'll be able to continue finding light in any of the little dark pieces that that are kind of left behind from your past. So thank you both for coming on here today and for sharing your story and sharing your mom's story with us. Um, we really appreciate it and we just wish you guys so much.

Jessie Lake:

Thank you so much so much for having us.

Scott Brandley:

Well, and thanks everyone for tuning in for another episode of Latterday Lights. And if you want to share your story, like Molly and Jesse, go to latterdaylights.com or email us at latterdaylights at gmail.com.

Alisha Coakley:

Yep, absolutely. Um, and guys, just do us a favor, do that five-second missionary work, share Molly and Jesse's story today, comment with any thoughts that you guys have had, any uh inspiration that's come up for you. And of course, like we said, if you're able to help, we would love to make this stream a reality. So until next time, we thank you guys for joining us for Latter Day Lights, and we'll see you next Sunday with another episode. Have a good one.

Scott Brandley:

Thanks. Bye bye.

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Scott Brandley

Host
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Alisha Coakley

Co-host