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LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Popular LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" gives members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints the opportunity to share their stories of inspiration and hope to other members throughout the world. Stories that members share on Latter-Day Lights are very entertaining, and cover a wide range of topics, from tragedy, loss, and overcoming difficult challenges, to miracles, humor, and uplifting conversion experiences! If you have an inspirational story that you'd like to share, hosts Scott Brandley and Alisha Coakley would love to hear from you! Visit LatterDayLights.com to share your story and be on the show.
LDS Podcast "Latter-Day Lights" - Inspirational LDS Stories
Surviving Loss, Overcoming Trials, and Keeping the Faith: Leilani Speck's Story - Latter-day Lights
What if the trials in your life were actually invitations to hear God more clearly?
In this episode, Leilani Speck shares her touching story—from being adopted and growing up in a foster home, to early encounters with real spiritual darkness, sacred moments with angels, and a life of service that included a rare stake mission pilot program and the Hill Cumorah Pageant.
Along the way, she faced some incredibly hard things: a marriage that slowly fell apart, six miscarriages, multiple car accidents, skin cancer, and a major nose reconstruction. Yet woven through all of it were quiet miracles—a father’s presence felt after his passing, a DNA test that revealed a sister, a long-awaited reconnection with her brother before his sudden death, and temple experiences that made the veil feel very thin.
Through her challenges, Leilani has learned a lot about recognizing the adversary’s patterns, understanding how the Spirit speaks to us personally, and doing hard things with the help of Christ.
If you’ve ever wondered whether faith could survive repeated storms, Leilani's life is proof that it's possible.
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To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/PZi7idwhhqo
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To READ Scott’s new book “Faith to Stay” for free, visit: https://www.faithtostay.com/
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#LDSPodcast #ChristianStories #LatterDayLights
So if you're looking to be inspired, uplifted, and spiritually retarded, just visit face.com. Now, let's get back to the show. Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.
Emily Hemmert:And I'm Emily Hemmert. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth, and inspire others.
Scott Brandley:On today's episode, we're going to hear one woman's incredible journey of adoption, spiritual gifts, divorces, miscarriages, cancer, car accidents, and faithful losses, and still finding God, endurance, miracles, and then wavering faith in the journey. Welcome to Latter Day Life. Hey everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Latter Day Life. We're so glad you're with us today. And we're really excited to introduce our special guest, Leilani Speck to the show. Welcome, Leilani.
Leilani Speck:Hi, thanks for having me.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, we're super excited to have you on the show. And we also have another special treat for you guys. We have our the most uh the the the guest with the most appearances on our show, Emily Hemmert.
Emily Hemmert:Um thanks for having me on here. It's awesome to be on the other side of things.
Scott Brandley:Yeah. So for those of you that watched the show, you probably know Emily. Um she actually runs a nonprofit called the Markovia Project, which is near and dear to our hearts. She was one of the first guests that we ever had on the show, and her nonprofit had just kicked off. So we've kind of grown up together over the last few years, which has been fun. But um, as a lot of you know, Alicia, my co-host that I've had for almost four years, she's she's still my co-host, but uh she she bought a venue um about a year ago, and this is her busy season, so she's got a lot of um events and things going on right now. So she asked if Emily could come and be my co-host, and I was totally cool about that. So I'm glad that you're here, Emily, and you'll probably see her on a on a few episodes here going into Christmas, but I'm sure everybody's super happy to have you. So thanks for being here.
Emily Hemmert:Thanks for having me.
Scott Brandley:All right. So, Leilani, welcome.
Emily Hemmert:Thank you.
Scott Brandley:Um, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Leilani Speck:Well, um I'm currently living in southern Indiana. Um, I've lived in seven states here in the US at various times. I am semi-retired and currently work part-time for a local landscape company. And some of the things I like to do is I love photography, um, mostly with animals and landscapes and that kind of stuff. Um, I love to sew and embroider and crochet and quilting. In fact, quilting is probably my biggest passion. Okay. I've never met a pre-cut I don't like. Because you have to pet it, you know? You have to love it and bet it.
Scott Brandley:Yeah. When when me and my wife were first married, we went to the DI and we bought the most outrageous cloth that we could find. It was like oranges and browns, and there were paisleys, and it was crazy. And we made a quilt together, and we used that as the quilt on our bed for like 15 years.
Leilani Speck:Oh, that's cool. That's very cool.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, yeah. That was pretty pretty psychedelic, but we liked it. It's like our our our creation, you know.
Leilani Speck:Do you still have it?
Scott Brandley:Somewhere, yeah.
Leilani Speck:That's great. That's good.
Scott Brandley:Yep.
Leilani Speck:Quilts will outlive us.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, for sure. Are you a quilter, Emily?
Emily Hemmert:Um, I like quilting, but I don't do enough of it. But I do enjoy it when I make the time to do it.
Scott Brandley:Yeah. Well, awesome. Well, we um Emily and I read your story, Leilani, and it's pretty incredible. So we want to give you as much time as possible to share it. So why don't we turn the time over to you and tell us where your story begins.
Leilani Speck:Okay. Well, just a little bit before my actual story, I'll give you a little bit of background. Um, I, along with my brother, was adopted probably when I was about three years old, and my brother was about seven. Uh, we were adopted by our maternal grandmother and stepgrandfather. And um that happened by way of our birth mother kind of leaving us alone. Um, and this one particular day, um, my she had gone out to party and um left us alone and it was getting late, and my brother knew that I was probably hungry, and so he went and got his piggy bank and broke his piggy bank open and took all the change he had, bundled me up, and we went up to the corner store, and he bought whatever penny candy he could just so that I'd have something to eat. And of course, you know, back in the day, you always had tabs up at the corner stores, and so the store owners would know everybody that came in. So he recognized us, he knew who our grandmother was, had her number, so she he called her, told him that we were up there, and he said she said, We'll be right there. She came and got us, took us back to our apartment, got our clothes and toys and all that stuff, took us to her house, and we never went back home to live with our mom again. And um, yeah, I mean it's a you know more than that, but that's enough for that. Uh, so anyway, we grew up in a church and our parents were converts, they were previously members of the reorganized LDS Church, and um the missionaries found them and tracted them out and taught them, and uh they joined the church, and so we were members of the church since then, and um so I guess my real story starts um probably around age four or five. And I at night when I'd go and get ready for bed and would be saying my prayers, I it was not uncommon. I won't say how many times this occurred, but it happened a few times enough for me to remember it. Um, where this darkness would come into the room and um just kind of enveloped me to the point where I was almost paralyzed, I couldn't move hardly. And I would crawl along the floor, I can remember crawling around the floor and around my bed just to get away from that darkness. Because at that age, I didn't know what it was, and um I just kept trying to get away from it and telling it to go away and leave me alone and all that stuff that little kids do, you know. And it would finally leave and everything would be fine for a while, and then it would happen again, and then it would happen again, and eventually it it kind of stopped for many years until I was basically an adult, and I had it happen a couple of more times as an adult, but by then I understood who and what it was.
Scott Brandley:I know that you're gonna tell some more about some of the spiritual experiences you have. So, would you say that like you um maybe like have a closeness with the spirit?
Leilani Speck:Yes, I mean to be honest, yes. Um and there are times when the veil is very thin, and I can go into that a little bit later as well. But um, so yes, and I think that that's a gift, and I I see it as a gift. Um with that gift, it also means that and I don't know what it's like for everybody, but for me, it feels like when I'm being tried or tempted about something, sometimes it's really heavy. But on the flip side of that, when it lifts or when the light can come in, it's like really bright and comforting and amazing. Um but yes, um, I can, yeah, I do.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, I think there are people that are that are closer to the spirit or have that gift where they can feel it a lot more than other people, but like there's the you could probably feel the the evil side and the good side more, right?
Leilani Speck:Yeah, yeah, it's kind of a double-edged sword in that way. Um so yeah, I think you're right too about that. Okay. And um, so by that time I I could command it to leave me, you know, to leave and leave me alone. And it it finally did. I haven't he hasn't bothered me in that way since. He uses other ways now. Now that I recognize him, you know. Um but some things that I learned from that is I learned that Satan is very real and very much alive, and he will he will use various ways to try and get at you, uh, to tempt you and to drag you away from what you know is you should be doing. Um, he wants to do everything he can to lead us away from Christ and from who we're meant to be. I also learned that through that as well as other experiences of my life, that there's a difference between his minions. Now I think he sends out his minions to try us to tempt us to do all those things too. But I think there are times and instances where he might say this time on this thing, I'm going after her, or I'm going after him. And the feeling is totally different. Um I've learned how to identify that. And it's just it's a scene. The best way I can describe it is just when he comes after you, it's a much heavier, weightier, darker um experience of battle than when he sends his minions. It's almost like you know, the minions sit on your shoulder and you just flick them off a little bit easier, sometimes it feels like. So where was I? Oh fast forward a few years, we become a foster family. And how that occurred was during the summer months between school, while we were out of school, my mom would would have kids come over that and she could would babysit during the summer. Well, this one set of children, they were three boys and one girl, they were dropped off by their mothers or by their mother, and um of course then she'd come pick them up at the end of the day. And mom always made sure that that the mothers would send extra pairs of clothing with the kids, so that in case something happened and we needed they needed to change clothes, we'd have a change of clothes for them. And so she was really good about picking them up and dropping them off for quite a while, and then all of a sudden, one day, she never came. She never came and picked them up. And so we kept them there at our house, bedded them down and all that, and that continued. She didn't come the next day. She didn't, mom couldn't get a hold of her, and she didn't come the next day, and that went on clear up until almost school was ready to start. And we thought we don't know what to do, can't get a hold of her. I mean, it was almost like she disappeared or something. I still don't know what happened to her. Um, so mom and dad had to call Department of Social Services because for whatever reason they couldn't go to their father's house at that time. I don't I don't know all the details because I was still a kid. And so mom and dad called Department of Social Services. Social worker came out, talked to us, interviewed mom and dad about becoming a foster family. So they agreed to do that. We took care of getting the house ready, having it inspected for them, and all of that, and got approved. And so they moved in with us. And I shared a bedroom with um the youngest girl. Her name was Darla. And then the other three boys um bunked up with my brother and my mom and dad, they converted, we had an enclosed front porch, so they enclosed that off to be their master bedroom, and Darla and I took over their master bedroom for our bedroom. And we had two bedrooms in the basement, so the boys took over the two bedrooms in the basement, and they ended up living with us for two years. They stayed with us a year longer than is would have been normal. And at the end of that time, um, they were told that they had to go then go live with their dad. And so they did. We were allowed to visit once in a while, but then at some point, I think we were only allowed to do that a couple of times, and the social worker said, We got to cut you off. You can't go back and see them. It's getting too hard for them to adjust. So we lost contact with them, but we and we got four more children. And since we're already approved, that process was really easy. These this time it was three girls and one boy, and so this time us girls took over the bedrooms in the basement, and the boy and my my brother took over the other bedroom upstairs, and it was during that period of time that um we were in bed sleeping, that I woke up one night and um Frances, who is the youngest, was in her bed on the other side of the room from me, and I looked up and there was an angel above her bed, and it was a child angel, and it was the brightest light I had ever seen. I mean, there is no other light that I can think of to compare with that that I've seen. And I didn't say anything to her because it quite frankly, it scared the living daylights out of me at that point. You know, I'm still still pretty young and had never seen that before. Um, but it wasn't it wasn't like I was afraid of it, but at the same time, it startled me. Maybe that's a better word. And so I covered up my head. And then when I finally got the courage to uncover it again to see, did I really see that? Um she was gone. But she was there for a time, I don't know how long, to just watch over Francis. And um, yeah, it was pretty amazing. Um, and so a lesson I learned from that is angels are real and they exist, and they're sent to help us, they're sent to protect us, to watch over us sometimes, literally. Um and they're not to be afraid, and you don't have to be afraid of them. Um they're good. There's they're everything that's good, you know, from Heavenly Father. Um so that was a that was a sweet thing. Um and just like angels, I've come to understand that there are others on the other side of the veil that are sometimes sent to take care of us, to help watch over us and to guide us when we seem you know discombodulated. Because it happens. And so um we had those girls for oh probably a year or so before my dad got got sick, and he got sick and um passed away a week later, so it was really sudden. And yeah, he had gotten pneumonia. Um was at work and he passed out, and this was back in 1972 or 72, I think. And there was some I was let's see, by then I was thirteen. I was yeah, really young and um the the people at work took him on into the doctor and they just gave him a shot because they figured it was the flu because there was a massive, a major flu epidemic at that point, at that that year. So he came home, they brought him home, and that was on a Friday, and by Sunday, my mom and my brother took him into the hospital because he was having troubles breathing and stuff. And that was the last time I saw my dad alive. Oh man. And he passed away away a week later. And um so after dad's passing, it wasn't very long, maybe a month or I don't even know if it was two months. And those children were sent back to the orphanage because we weren't allowed to be a foster family anymore since it was just my mom and no father figure. So they went back um to the orphanage, and it was just my brother and my mom and I readjusting to this new life. And eventually my mom decided to start dating again. And so there was no internet, there was no dating apps, there was what they called these lonely hearts club magazines back in the and uh she used to buy these magazines, and they were just filled, the pages were filled with listings, almost like a telephone book, only with profiles of individuals and what they like. Just like a it would just be like if you logged on to a dating app on the internet now, where you get a profile and all of that. Um, they I don't remember there being pictures, although there might have been. Um, but she started writing letters to different men all over the place. And some she got back letters and some she didn't, and some that she did, she wouldn't answer. Um, didn't like what she read, and a few others she did. And uh what was really kind of chuckling and funny to me was throughout this whole time we always knew when my dad was around. He kind of lingered around. Um, and if she dar she started dating somebody that he didn't approve of, we would hear things in the kitchen like doors opening and slamming shut, cupboard doors slamming, opening and being slammed at. So we always knew that that's what was going on. And uh, but if if it was somebody that he thought was okay, he was just quiet, didn't say a word, didn't do anything. Um, but it it was kind of humorous. Um, we just knew that that was him and we knew what he was doing, and it was fine. We could just feel we felt him there, you know. You just kind of feel that. And uh so eventually mom had met a man in Florida and married him, and so we packed up and movers came and moved us, and we moved to Florida, and I finished high school down there, and went to college down there, and of course, lived. And um, that was you know, that was filled with all kinds of new experiences. Our stepdad uh went to church with us, although he was not a member, and because of where our ward building really was, which was probably a good 30, 40-minute drive from our house, and there was another ward, which was, I think, even in another different stake, um, was much closer to us, but not really our boundaries. We went to that ward for a long time, and the bishop there let us do that, considering the circumstances. It made it easier for my stepfather to drop me off, take me to church and to activities and stuff. And so they let us do that for quite a while, actually. And um, he continued to go to church with us, had no intentions of joining, just would go. Um, and so then we moved back into our family ward that we were supposed to. And after high school and I was out of college and working, I was called to be a stake missionary for two years, specifically when I was 19. And um at that time, the church was trying a pilot program called the One Mission Concept. That's when the stake missionaries were called by the stake, but put under the direction of the full-time mission president. And the Florida Tampa mission was chosen to pilot that program. It did, I don't, it didn't, I don't think it worked very well. Um, I never heard of any other mission doing that or anything, but we did it while I was on my mission. And so for that two years, I was under the direction of the full-time mission president, was real, which was really very cool. Um, we were expected to do all the same things that the full-time missionaries did, however, on a lesser amount of time. Uh, we were required to fulfill 20 hours a week doing missionary work in addition to our full-time jobs. And it was often that we were we had so many people that we were teaching that we spent a lot more than 20 hours a week. Let's just say that. And yeah, and that also included our study time, um, and getting together as companions and tracting and doing all and studying. It included all of that, so that was a lot, and um, so we even had we were encouraged to learn the discussions, so we had the rainbow discussions. If anybody is familiar with those, you know what they are. Um that's what we had, and it's where the first discussion starts out. Good evening, Mr. Brown. We're happy to be here. Then it goes into the Joseph Smith story, and that's all I remember. Um and so that was that was a great experience, and just one experience that I'll relate was um when we had a period of time that some sister missionaries, they were senior sisters, didn't want to work with us. So we didn't we didn't know what else to do. We went to our mission president. In fact, I did when I was in the office one day um turning in one of my reports, and I said, President Workman, what do we do? They won't work with us, they don't think we're real missionaries. And so he thought for a minute, he goes, hmm, goes over to the map on the wall of our mission. He says, Come here. He says, You see this section right here? Yeah, well, that's yours now. Go work it. It hasn't seen much action, so you go take care of it. So my companion and I started working in that area. Started almost, it was almost like opening an area, if you've ever done that on a mission. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And we started tracting and doing all the things that you do and uh finding people to teach. And then eventually those sisters were transferred out, and we got two other sisters in. And from then on, we could work with those sisters um throughout the remainder of our time. And so what we would do is we would um meet up on Saturday mornings, and I and one of the full-time sisters would go into their area for the morning, and my companion and the other sister would go into our area in the morning, then we would meet up at lunchtime, eat lunch, and then we would switch spots, and then we would meet up again in the evening to go teach. Sometimes we would teach together, and sometimes we would stay on our splits and go separately and teach. And so we were able to do that throughout the rest of my mission. And so it um it really was a wonderful time. We've served with great missionaries, with great elders and other sisters, and um, so it it was good times and happy memories.
Scott Brandley:But that yeah, what a cool, what a cool story. I didn't know the church did that, yeah, yeah.
Leilani Speck:Like I said, I didn't hear of any other mission doing that. Um, I don't think it went, it clearly didn't go across the board, but um, you know, it was great for us. So, you know, for me it was almost like a real full-time mission. Um, yeah, for sure. So um I think I need to back up a little bit. I missed something here earlier that I was just reminded of and looking at those things. Um, something about my dad's side of the family, since I've spoken a little bit about my mom's side of the family. Um, there's a supposed history of witchcraft on that side of the family with my dad's uh mother. Apparently uh practiced witchcraft. Now, in the world of witchcraft, I learned there's two different sides. There's black witchcraft and white witchcraft. Black witchcraft does very evil things. White witchcraft is supposedly does very good things or does things only to protect others or combat the other evil. I say the other evil because we know where bolt comes from. It's the same evil. Um, and so apparently she the story goes that she put a spell on my mother because she didn't like my mother much. And in the process of that, mom decided to fight fire with fire, and she went and got a book and put a spell on her, on her mother-in-law. And I know it's crazy, I know, and apparently it was so bad that it almost did hit her mother-in-law in to the point where she backed off, released whatever it was she did, and never bothered my mother again.
Scott Brandley:And so mom was this in the six was this in the 60s?
Leilani Speck:Yeah, I'm sure, yes, it was. It definitely was. And so one of the other things that my mother liked to do, because she just kind of had that kind of a brain, is she liked to play with the Ouija board. So she had a Ouija board in the house. And she brought that Ouija board out quite a bit. And there's one particular time, and I was I have to jump back just a little bit because I was about 12 then, and she wanted me to play it with her, and I reluctantly did. But she said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask it if this is Satan or if this is the devil, and see if he'll roll the toy ball that's on the couch off the floor because it was a cat toy that was on the couch, and I says, I looked at mom and I says, If that happens, I'm never touching this thing again. I'm just telling you. And so she did, we did our little thing, and she asked the question, and it wasn't long before that ball rolled off the couch. I backed away from it and I said, I'm done. I'm never touching this thing, don't ever ask me again, and I never did. That was it. It was crazy, it was actually kind of spooky when you think about what you're really doing is you're inviting that spirit into your home. And so I refused. Mom did put it away, and and I don't think she ever got it out again. I would have liked it better if she'd have thrown it away, but I think she just threw it in the closet or something. Um, but you know, mom was I love my mother for the good things that she did, for the good things she taught me. She was a great primary teacher when she was in the church. Um, I would help her get some of her uh primary handouts ready because she would trace pictures for the kids to to color in and stuff. And so I would help her do that. And while I was doing that, she would go over the lesson and share with me the stories that she was going to tell and that kind of thing. So, in that respect, I literally was taught at my mother's knee for a lot of that. She taught me how to keep house, she taught me all my survival skills, she taught me how to throw a meal together before I was really old enough to cook. But just in case I had to, I could do it. She taught me the beginnings of how to sew. Um, I remember one of the first things she helped me make was a dress. And I can still remember that dress and see the fabric in my mind. She made me take home ex so that I would learn all the rules. And then after I learned the rules, she could teach me how to break those rules and still accomplish what I wanted to do. Uh, she also quilted and she taught me how to quilt. Um, she taught I made my first Thai quilt when I was a freshman in high school for a school project. How crazy is that? And um I still have that. It was a Thai quilt because I didn't have time to quilt-quilt it, but then she taught me another quilt, how to hand quilt. And she later gave me that quilt too for Christmas. She bound it and finished it. And so, you know, I love my mother for all the good things that she gave me and all the good things that she taught me. Um, but you know, there were some quirks for sure. To say the least.
Scott Brandley:So hey, nobody's nobody's perfect, right?
Leilani Speck:Well, that's right. Most definitely. Um, and it makes for good storytelling, too.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, for sure. Um I can see how, like, with with the you being close to the spirit, you know, that could be even more amplified. I could see why you'd be scared of something like that for sure.
Leilani Speck:Yeah, yeah. It um, yeah. I didn't I try not to think about it too much then, but when I as I got older and looked back on it, um it it really became evident of what a dangerous thing that is to even to even play around with it uh because of the ramifications. Yeah. So fast forward, um, after my stake mission, I then participate, apply for and participate in the Hilcomora pageant up in Palmyra back when they still had that. And that was absolutely amazing. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Um I've the the one thing I'll just say about that was when we were on the hill during the yearning scene, and that's when Christ comes out. And our director, Dr. Cedar Holmes, says, now your first inclination is going to be to run up that hill toward the Savior. He says, and I'm telling you now, don't do it. Stay put, stay in your place where you're supposed to be, and only move when you're supposed to move. He says, But I tell you this just so that you're prepared. And then they because during rehearsals, they don't bring him out at all until our dress rehearsal. And during the dress rehearsal at the end, which is called the yearning scene, then they bring him out. And he was right. Oh my goodness, when you see him ascend down from the heavens, what it looks like from the heavens, right? You want to run as fast as you can up there, because for that split second, just for that moment, you really think that that's the savior, and you really think that he's come to see you. And um I will never forget that that time. And the only other thing that I'll I'll share with you on that, which was just oh, so tender and so endearing, um, we were backstage on the one side where the restrooms were, and one of the mothers um was bringing their little boys up to go, and he turns around, and it was right after the pastoral Christ scene. And so this elder who was portraying that part of the savior, he comes off stage, they just finished it, and the little boy looks down and says, Look, mommy, there is Jesus, and he runs up to him, and this sweet elder just picks him up, kneels down, picks him up, and sets him on his knee, and just talks to him for a minute. And I thought, wow, what a thing for that elder to do. I thought, you know, that little boy, I bet never forgot that. And at that point in his life, there's no question that he believed that that was Jesus. But I thought that was just one of the sweetest things I'd ever seen.
Emily Hemmert:That's cute.
Leilani Speck:So it was it was uh really wonderful. So I come back from that and um I go back to work and I eventually moved to Clearwater, which is 20 miles away from Tampa, on the other side of the coast, on the other side of the Tampa Bay. And um, I eventually meet um my husband. He was back in my old ward, actually, and he was in the Air Force, and we started dating and got married in 1982, and um moved over to Patrick Air Force Base, which is on the other coast, the east far east coast of Florida, not far from where Cape Canaveral is. So right on the right on the ocean. And only we were on the beach side, not as opposed to the Cape Canaveral side. So we got to see the first nighttime launch from the Cape, which was very cool. And I I led the space program, so that was very cool. Um Went to actually go over to the Cape on another occasion to watch a launch go up because he was part of the honor guard and they were doing some things that day. And uh that was also very cool. And so then we got word of getting a transfer. And so there were, because of his unit, there were only a few places that he could go. And so we were given three different choices. Uh, one was Hawaii, one was Denver, and I want to say I don't remember where the other one was. So, but uh there was a third choice. We chose Denver because we knew Hawaii financially was just going to be too expensive. Because just before we would have gone to Hawaii doesn't mean his income would have gone up enough to afford that. So we stayed stateside and um went to Denver. And during that time, um I got a part-time job um teaching preschool just before we left, and then after moving to Denver, I went to work full-time. And the other thing that was going on was the Denver temple was under construction. Now I will tell you: if you want your marriage to start spiraling and going through everything it can go through to try and tear you apart, move to where a temple is being built. It is guaranteed to happen. Even though, in spite of that, he decided he wanted to go check out the building site during a blizzard. So we got in the car and we drove in this blizzard out to see where the temple was being built. We found it and it was very much under construction. I don't even think the angel Moroni was on top yet, but we could tell it was a temple, and it was really quite cool, and it was really very cool that it was his idea and that he wanted to do that. And but as time went on, um, during that, uh our you know, things started to happen, our marriage just fell apart. Um, I can't even tell you what all happened, other than he started to withdraw. Um he stopped going to church, um, stopped wearing his garments. Um, all the things that, you know, hopefully will keep you active and keep you engaged, um, he quit doing. And there was one particular day that I'd gone to church by myself. I'd been doing that for a while, and it had been kind of an emotional day for me for whatever reason. Um, our lessons were great. Um, the spirit was really strong. And I came home, and as I came home and I'm walking up the stairs to the front porch to the front door, and I'm ready to open the front door. It was as if I could turn my head and see the spirit leave my body and walk away. I felt it leave, and I thought, okay, I know I haven't done anything wrong between the church and here. So, what is so wrong in that house that the spirit can't go in there? And that was that was probably scarier than any of the other stuff that I had gone through already. And um, so I went in, and nothing seemed to be wrong, but again, he by that time he was just not communicating really, other than the surface stuff and the everyday stuff, um, and talking about work and all of that. Finally, some things had happened and things came to a head. And um, I had been praying about what to do, and I didn't want to do what I was getting the impression to do. And I finally told Henley Father, if I'm supposed to leave, like I'm feeling like I'm supposed to do, then you got to give me the words because I can't say it. And that very whatever day that was, I finished from that prayer, came out, and I sat down in the chair, and I literally opened my mouth, and as I did that, the words just came out. And um, so we talked about it a little bit, and you know, I didn't feel like I had any other choice. I, you know, he wasn't willing to do what I thought we needed to do, which was to go counsel with the bishop, which I did on my own, to get marriage counseling. I was willing to do that if you'd have gone. And my bishop, bless his heart, he said he said he had been approved to tell people this if it was appropriate, that if their marriage wasn't taking them where they needed it to go, then they needed to change their situation. And um, as much as I didn't want to do that, I knew that's what I had to do. So I went and found an apartment, I moved out, um moved into this little dinky apartment, and we got our marriage dissolved, and life changed again. And so, over during that time, though, prior to that, um, we talked about marriage about miscarriages. About a year, less just under a year, I started getting pregnant. And that first pregnancy um ended very early on, very early. In fact, most most don't even know that they're pregnant, but I knew, I knew when I knew when I conceived, I knew where we, you know, I could have the next one I could have told him, honey, we're having a baby. It was, I just knew. And um, so when that loss came, that one was a really hard one. Um, it was physically difficult and um and stuff, and the doctor, you know, couldn't, of course, give any reason other than that happens. And so then I for the next couple of years continued to get pregnant and miscarry and get pregnant and miscarry until I'd had six miscarriages. Wow, and yeah, it's a lot, and it was and it's hard, it still is. Now I know as long as I keep doing what I'm supposed to do, and I know that I will still have those children in the attorney. I know that, but it's still hard because there's never the thing about miscarriage, is that there's never any closure, you never get closure, you survive them, um, but you never really get over them because you never have any closure, and so for a long time, um I could feel them nearby, and I would know when one or two of them would be around or when all of them was around. They would stay with me for a very long time. I think it was to help me get through to where I could actually move on. Um I they all have names, which I'll keep to myself. Um, other than the other than my daughter, I would have had five boys and one girl. I would have had four boys, a girl, and then a boy. A lot of boys. Yeah, I know a lot of boys. And the interesting thing about the girl is when I was thinking about her name, and I was in the shower, and I was thinking about her and her name, and I had chosen um either Hannah Elizabeth or Sarah Elizabeth. And I could hear her, and to this day I can still hear her voice say, My name is Hannah. Are you sure? Are you sure it's not Sarah Elizabeth? My name is Hannah. All righty then. Hannah, it is. And so that was, and that's still very comforting to me. Um all of those are very comforting to me in that way. Have I gotten over them? No. Have I survived them? Yes. Do I look forward to the day when I hope they will be with me? Absolutely. So I still always have that hope of in the eternities. I know it won't be this life, but I know in the eternities that I will have my children. Um so um after that, of course, after our marriage dissolves and I move on, and I I date a lot when I decide I'm ready to do that. And but I don't I don't even think about really getting married again. And then 14 years later, I meet, I do meet someone and I do get married again. Um and but sadly that did not last either. And so I had moved then from Califor from Colorado, then to California, and um met where I was working, I met this lady up in HR, and she handled all the new uh orientation and employment packets and all the things, the earthquake kits that you get when you start a new job out there. And I'm like, really? Yes. Um, at your desk, you had a little earthquake kit. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because just in case there was a flashlight, there would be um protein bars, water, I forget what else. But it was a packet about yay big, and you had to keep it in your desk, and then they would come around so often, and they would replace everything in them and keep them fresh because you never knew. Um, you never knew when you were gonna have a rolling blackout, which would happen, and so yeah, you had to have those kits. It was it was quite a stunner, though, for me the first time I had that. It's like, whoo! But anyway, I I became friends with this lady in HR. Come to find out that she was a member of the church, so I became friends with her and her husband, and they eventually moved to Utah, and they talked me into coming down to Utah and just seeing, just checking it out. Well, you need to understand there were two places I never ever wanted to live in. One was California and two was Utah. I just never wanted to live there. I've never cared about you, California, and sure enough, I end up there, and I've never wanted to live in Utah because if you'll pardon my expression, there were too many Mormons. True, that's the way I felt. I didn't want to live there, and I thought, well, the Lord has a sense of humor, doesn't he? He told me you moved to Utah. And not only did he have it, but he had a bigger sense of humor because where I moved was close, which I didn't really realize until I got settled in there, that it wasn't uncommon for buildings to be really close together and sometimes share the same parking lot. And the ward building that I went to shared the same parking lot with another ward building. So then I knew the Lord really had a sense of humor. And uh, but I I learned to to like Utah. Um if I had to choose between Utah and Colorado, I would still pick Colorado any day of the week because you just can't beat the Colorado Rockies. I'm sorry.
Scott Brandley:They just they are pretty nice.
Leilani Speck:The Colorado Rockies are just they're the best. Um so I had lived in down in southern Utah for about a year and a half and um end up moving to Provo because we had the construction crash, housing crash down there. And um, I just couldn't afford with the job I had, I couldn't survive down there. So I moved up to Provo because I was told it was a little less expensive, and parts of it was and parts of it wasn't. And so I moved up there and um bought a condo and lived up there for a number of years, I guess almost nine years. And it was while I was living up there that I got hit with my first round of skin cancer, and that was on the heels of being called as relief society president. Oh man. And so I thought, oh great. Um, and that was a really interesting time because I was sitting in sacrament meeting and we were getting a new bishop in the ward, and all of a sudden, I turned around and I looked at at um our relief society president, and I thought, oh man, she's gonna be released because that's her husband, the new bishop. And I just had this overwhelming feeling that I was gonna be called. And I started to weep, openly sob because I'm thinking, no, no, no, no, no. And this friend of mine who's sitting next to me, she was visiting from the stakes, she was from the stake primary, I think she was stake primary president, and she didn't know what was going on, and I didn't say anything, she just put her arm around me, and um so I I but I knew that that's what was gonna happen. And the following, so that between that week and the following week, I prayed about it and prayed about it and prayed about it, and I said, if this is true, then I need to know who my counselors are supposed to be, and pondered on that. And I was shown in my mind who my two counselors were supposed to be, and one of them I did not know, I just saw her face. So I had to go into the ward directory and I went online and I went through every single contact in there that and that had pictures, hoping that their picture, her picture was in there. Found her picture because I recognized her, stopped, found out what her name was, and wrote her name and the other counselor's name on a piece of paper, put them on two pieces of paper, folded them up and put them in my purse and left them there. And I forgot about it. Next Sunday, go to church, I see my bishop, we chat. He doesn't say anything about meeting with me or anything. And so I go home, I go, I don't know what that was, but I think I just dodged a major bullet. Whatever that was, glad that's over. Well, about two weeks later, and the executive secretary calls, Sister Speck, the bishop would like to see you in his in his office. Can you get here in about 15 minutes? Okay, so I go and I meet with him and we chit-chat for a few, and then he extends the call, and I go, So it's really true. He says, Yeah, it's really true. And uh so I eventually I pull out those two pieces of paper and I hand him one of them, and he looks at those names, he says, Those are good names. He says, Well, that's who I was told, told. And so then it was another, I think, week before I found my secretary. And again, I didn't know her either, but I knew she lived in my complex, but I didn't know, I didn't really know her, so I found out who she was and submitted her as she was called, and uh that was an interesting journey and an interesting experience, and one of the most humbling experiences I've ever had. Um, but there were some amazing, amazing experiences um working with one family who's um was having a baby and finding out that that baby would not survive. And um working with them and then attending that little baby's funeral, and and just getting to know that couple and how strong they were and how what stalwarts they were and still are. Um it was so it was very it strengthened my testimony immensely to um share that time with them. Um it was it was a wonderful time. So, about a year and a half later, maybe. Little more than that. I'm reading in one of my old journals and seeing in there that I had written that I would move back to southern Utah if given the opportunity. And I'm thinking, well, that sounds great, but I'm dealing with this skin cancer thing, and I'm really society president. So I they take care of the skin cancer. They think they've got it all. It heals up. It was not pretty. It was not fun. Um, for anyone who's ever had that, and especially if it's on their face, it's it's really not fun because I had a what looked like a zit, a giant zit on the side of my nose. And um after it was removed, I had this, they had taken skin from up here in my forehead and made like a tube and attached it so blood could get down there to flow in there and heal that. Well, there is nothing worse than going into a store and scaring a child because of the way you look. It was horrible. I felt so bad. And um, I thought, man, never again. So I was very I was even more careful about when I went shopping. And I tried to go either late, late, late at night or early, early, early in the morning. Um, but that was that was attached to me for for a while while that uh was healing. Um, so I was grateful when that part came off. So I thought that that was all behind me. And so I made the decision to um move back down to southern Utah. Now that was going to be an interesting transition because I was also working um technically, it was a contract job because I had lost my other job through a layoff at a um at a center for develop not developmental uh troubled youth. And uh because of their cutbacks, they had to let staff go, and so I'd been laid off and had finally gotten a contract job to be able to continue working. They had reached a point to where they let us go home and work remotely. So I talked to my boss to find out if I could do this job from anywhere, and they said, yes, you can do that from anywhere. And so I started going back and forth to check out real estate down in the St. George area and try and find someplace else to live and buy. And in the meantime, I'm still doing my other job, uh, you know, during the week. Um, but I had also uh reconnected with my brother. He and I had been estranged for many years, like it'd been probably 38 years that we hadn't spoken. Yeah, it was a long time, and we had just fallen apart. I mean, you know, just disconnected and never stayed close, that kind of thing. And um, I had been trying to find him, and it was a cousin who found me because she had some things that she had gotten from her uncle, who was the brother to my grandfather, was my grandfather's brother. And after he had passed away, they had gotten a bunch of stuff, and in there was some things that we believe had belonged to my grandmother and my great-grandmother. And so she felt like somebody on that side of the family should get those items. So she looked and looked and looked through Facebook and however way she found me, she found me and contacted me. Um, so she could send me those, that box of items. And there was like little cookbooks, recipes, um, pillowcases that had been embroidered, doilies that had been crocheted, those just those kinds of things. And and a few pictures, not much, but a few. And um in the process of her, me meeting her, she helped me find my brother because we kept going through Facebook. I says, Well, I've looked at his picture before, but I wasn't sure if that was really him or not. And she's looking, she says, That's him. She says, I'm sure that's him. So, okay. So I reached out to him, I asked him, I says, Are you Dale Speck? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And he says, Yeah, it's me. I and so we got connected back up. I called him one day, and his son happened to be there, and I hadn't seen his son since he was a baby, and by this time he was an adult. And he gets on the phone with us, and he says, You know, what's really funny is that um we've been trying to find you for the last three months. That's crazy. And so I just kind of felt like timing was right for us to get reconnected, and so we started talking again and started calling each other. And um, long story short, I found another place to live, sold my condo, moved down back down to southern Utah, and found a job uh down there after I got they canceled my contract after about a year of me being done in St. George. I was able to keep working until 2015. And they said, we're not gonna renew your contract after the end of the month. And so March of 2016, I started working at the Utah Distribution Center for Family Dollar, and during that time, I was watching TV and saw an ad for DNA test through uh Ancestry. And so again, I had this thought this you need to order a DNA test. Go order it right now. So I get up, I go get my credit card, order my test. It comes, I submit my cheek swab, wait the six weeks, and get my results. I open my results and I'm looking through my all my DNA stuff, and then I look at my matches. Um, and lo and behold, I do did have a sister. Because my my grandmother had told me years before that she thought that our birth mother had had a third child, and she thought it was a girl, but she couldn't remember all the details, other than she was given up for adoption right at birth. And so as I'm thinking about that, as I'm opening those matches up, and right at the top of the list with a 98% chance of highly related, probably a sibling or half-sibling. And so I look at her stuff, I look at the her DNA stuff, and I shoot off a message to her. And she said that she never looked at her email at work. And she said, that particular day she had her phone and she was with another coworker, and she went in and she checked her email and saw my message. And she said, I'm standing there in the hall, and I just I my hands start to shake. And her coworker asked her what was wrong, and she says, I think I just found my sister, and so she um sends me a quick message back and says, you know, we've got to be sisters. I'm at work, I'll write more tonight after I get home on my computer, and that was all she said. So she gets home that night, she sends me another email, gives me more information, I send her back more information. We eventually um set a time to meet on the telephone um to talk. And I think I I think I suggested that we go ahead and we we did. We did a three-way call between my brother and her and I. And the three of us could meet at once. And that was very cool. And the thing that that was really interesting was when she laughed, she laughed like our birth mother. So we knew, yeah, you're her, you're our sister, because you laughed just like her. And um, yeah, it was really neat. So another, so in 2018, I think, I came out here to Indiana to meet her for the first time, and then to connect up with Dale, because Dale only lived about a couple hours away in Tennessee from where Susan lived. So we got together and I stayed with Susan and Bob, her partner, and we got together um that week to have brunch or whatever, because my brother said, Well, I'll come see you, but I'm only gonna stay for maybe an hour or so because I can't stay that long, whatever. I thought, okay, whatever. And I'm thinking, but we haven't seen each other for probably by then about 40 years. So we get together and he ends up staying for about four hours. That's awesome. So I thought that was pretty good. And um, he took pictures. Actually, Bob took the pictures because Bob was a retired photojournalist, so he got his big old hawking camera out and took all of our pictures for us, and um, I did not know it then, but that would be the last time I would get to see my brother. Um, 2020 comes, and in the meantime, we still we maintain that connection. He and I are talking every day. Um, I would talk on my way home from I would call him in the mornings because I worked third shift, and I would call him every day. And um Susan and I maintained contact and we were getting to know each other, and uh then we there was one day when I called my brother and I didn't didn't get him, and that wasn't necessarily unusual, but it was um it was unusual that he didn't call me back, and so I called him again the next day, and he didn't call me back. I thought now that's really odd. And so Friday came and he didn't call me back, so I knew something was definitely wrong, and so I called the sheriff's local sheriff's department, and I asked him to do a welfare check, and so they did, and they found him and he had was deceased, and um from what they said, they think he got something to drink, put it on the counter, sat down on the couch, and passed away. I think he had a stroke. The last time I spoke to him, his I could tell he wasn't there was something wrong, but he just said he was just tired, but he was flurring his words, and his speech wasn't real clear, which is always a sign of usually a stroke. And his son thinks he had a heart attack. I still maintain it was a stroke. Either way, it involved his ticker. Uh and so I came back before we had a little funeral for him, and his son had him cremated, and uh, you know, there's not a day that doesn't go by. I still miss him, still think about him every day, and uh I had a um an interesting thing. I'll just share a couple of other uh other experiences. Um when I was in Provo, I had gone to the temple shortly after I moved there with a friend of mine, and she only had time to do um initiatories. So we we went and did an initiatory session, and all the sisters, the five that I had, were all from the same city in Italy. And I'm sitting there, and we did the first two sisters, and as I'm sitting there waiting for the third sister, I felt my dad come in to the booth, and I thought, Dad, what are you doing here? And I knew it, I knew it was him, and I thought, Dad, what are you doing here? And about that time, the ordinance worker comes in and we do this third sister, and um, I felt her there, and after that, I felt them both leave. And the thought came to me that he was allowed to be there because he had taught her the gospel on the other side, and that he was allowed to be there because I was doing her initiatory, and then he could escort her to the next her next place, and so after Dale passed away, there were I thought about him a lot, and I could never say I lost my brother. I just could never say those words, I couldn't say he died, it was always he passed away, and the thought would come, Dale's not lost. I know where he is, he's on the other side, and I knew he was probably learning and changing and doing whatever it is that they do over there in his in his place, because I knew he had a lot of learning to do because he didn't stay active, but he was always very spiritual. He had many of the same gifts that I had, um, with the bail and and that sort of thing. And I I was thinking about him one day and had the distinct impression that he is with dad, and dad is showing him the ropes and teaching him, and that he's gonna be able to teach others over there. And after I had that, I didn't worry about him anymore because I knew what he was doing, and even now, when I think about other people, and people talk about losing their relatives or their friends or whatever, I think they're not lost, they're still just on the other side, they're just not here, and um, it really gave me a totally different perspective about life after this life, and um so those are just some of the wonderful things that have happened. And during the time, so during that time, and I'm living down there, um I get I have some things going on health-wise, to where I have to go to the doctor again, and I knew something was seriously wrong. So I go to my gynecologist, and I have to have a DNC done because of what was going on, and I knew she knew it was cancer, but she wouldn't tell me until after that surgery was done, till they, because that was the only way they could diagnose it. So they get it diagnosed, and she calls me back into her office, and I say it's I tell her it's cancer, isn't it? She says, Yeah. She says, but we caught it early, so you don't have to have chemo, just some radiation, total hysterectomy, and boom, you're done. Okay. So I make all the arrangements. Um I mean, not that it was easy to think about and do all that, because I had to do it all by myself, right? But you just do it. You just you do it. And um before I um I had a I had a priesthood blessing before I had the DNC. I called a couple of men in my ward that could come and do that that weren't working. And they come in, and I didn't know either one of them very well. Um, but they lived in my complex. I lived in a retirement community, and they came in and they go, So, Sister Speck, tell us again what this is, all this is going on. And and I'm thinking, oh, Henley Father, really, I don't know these men, and I have to talk about this kind of stuff. Really? And I thought I thought, okay, they have wives, they have daughters. Just tell them. So I tell them. And um, and then at one point I looked over at Wolf. I can't remember his last name anymore. Um, he was this German fellow in our war, German brother, and had the accent to go with it, but I looked over at him, and for some reason, the look in his eyes, I will never forget. Sorry, that feeling of just total, pure, Christ like love emanating from him. I never felt that before from anybody, and so it was really that was a new feeling for me, and um so we talked. Little bit more, and so then they give me that priesthood blessing. And then Brother Jackson looks at me and he says, You know, when I go into people's homes to give them blessings, I always talk about faith and the importance of faith and um how that plays a role in in what they're what we're doing. He says, but I don't have to do that here because your faith is good. Um I don't need to to do that, to talk to you about that. Well, what he doesn't didn't know was that that was always something that I always prayed for before every priesthood blessing. Is I always prayed to have sufficient faith to understand and um what I would be told and um to have the faith to be healed and you know whatever the contents of the blessing were going to be. And so that was something I was very grateful for, and feel like that that's very much a gift that I've been given. Um so I go in, I take care of the cancer. Um, I'm in the midst of getting ready to have radiation, and there's a problem with my incision. And I by that time, because it had been a few weeks, and my other doctor had taken out all the stitches, and everything on the outside appeared to be healing the way it was supposed to. I mean, it wasn't completely healed up, but it was working on it. Um, but I was still in a lot of pain and an unusually large amount of pain to the point where just standing up was very laborious and extremely painful. Um and just just this, it was just the labor. And um the the pain pills were not doing their job. And so my when I went in for my consult for my radiation, he he he looks at that and he says, that really doesn't look very good. And he says, You need to go to the wound clinic because this looks like it's infected or something's going on. So he gives me all the information for the wound clinic, and but he says he wanted me to see my gynecologist first, and which I had an appointment the next day. So I went and saw her, and she calls the wound clinic, not understanding why he wouldn't just send me straight over there, and he said he wanted you to see me first. So she calls, pushes them to get me in because they said they didn't have any openings. She says, No, that's not good enough. She's got to be seen today. So they squeeze me in, and I start going to see them like four times a week for quite a while, and then it goes down, tapers down as things are healing. What we didn't know was the inner incision under the outer incision had a gaping, a gape of about two, two and a half inches that was not healing. Because what was happening is my body was rejecting those dissolving stitches, so they were shooting them out, and I didn't know what was coming out. And I just oh, probably a little stitch here and there. We were just coming out like crazy. Was like a zipper, it was like that zipper was being unzipped. And huh? Yikes, yikes, yikes for sure. So they're treating me for that. My wound care doctor isn't real happy with the rate that it's doing, and arranges for when the plastic surgeon comes down to from Salt Lake to for me to see him for a consult. And I see the plastic surgeon, and he says, Well, we have two options. One, I can go in and repair it, and you'll have a wound back attached for a few weeks, or you can let it go for another couple weeks and see what to see what happens. Because you know, it's only recommended that you only have one surgery a year at most. And I'd already had two. And little did he know what I had coming down the pike because it would be many more. So that kind of got to be kind of a funny joke to me. And so my wound care doctor decided let's just wait a couple more weeks. Maybe there'll be a turnaround. Well, I was very grateful to say that it did, and I'm grateful to say that I took his advice. Um, and it finally did take the turn and and start to heal, and finally did heal up. But it took a few more months for that to completely heal. Well, just as that finishes, literally the day that my wound care doctor would have released me from his care, and I'm back in the hospital because I have skin cancer again, this time on the inside of my nose, my nostril. And it was a more aggressive form of basal cell. Basil cell, in and of itself, is typically not life-threatening at all, but it still had to be treated. Well, I had the best surgeon in the country living in St. George, Utah, Dr. Gardner. Wonderful member of the church and amazing doctor and surgeon. So he saw me and did surgery, and come to find out it was going to um include at least six more surgeries. That's a lot. Yeah. And he didn't say the words, and I didn't find out that that's actually what was going to happen as far as how much was coming off of my nose. But I saw it later and after subsequent visits on a piece of paper that they actually amputated my nose, and then he rebuilt it. Wow. Yeah. It was a good thing he never used the word amputation, or I think I would have completely lost it. Right. Um, because when I got the news that it had come back, I was sitting in my car outside of my credit union and I just lost it. And I started talking to Hemley Father and says, Hemley Father, I'm done. I I know I'm not ready to go, but I just take me home and I'll suffer the consequences. I'll accept whatever you want to dish out. Because I said, I'm just not, I I don't I don't want to do this, I can't do it. I can't do it again. And I'm sitting there crying, and he says, You can do this, and you will do this. You are not done there yet. So okay. So I I go through another six surgeries that span over the course of the next several months, and um he but Dr. Gardner was so good and so patient, and he never let me be in pain. He gave me really good painkillers. Um really good ones, let me tell you. And uh in fact, one of Did you have a similar well yes, yes, I did. I had another one, and that when he told me he was gonna have to do that, I just went, Oh, really? Please, no, is there no other way? I did, I literally said those words, and he says, No, there is no other way. And um, but his was neater in terms of the way it looked, if that's possible. But I still didn't like it. And um during one of the after one of the other surgery, subsequent surgeries that he had to do, um, I did have to have a wound vac that was attached up here. Uh, I don't know if you've ever seen a wound vac or know what that is, but they attached this thing to the area, and in my case, it was up here in my forehead, and it has a hose hooked on to this contraption that is in a carrier case that drains all the yuck and all the bad stuff out, and it gets dumped into this canister thing that you have that you're carrying around with you and sleeping with you 24 hours a day. And yeah, not fun, which you can understand why I was most grateful that with the other problem with my other surgical incision that I chose not to have that surgery and have a wound back attached. Yeah, just saying, yeah.
Emily Hemmert:So could you drive with that?
Leilani Speck:Oh yeah, had to do all of that. Um, I I didn't go to work though. I was on I was on leave and disability because I just I couldn't, I couldn't do I couldn't do it. And so I was on short-term disability with that. Um particular, and I was on most of the others. I was on for a off work in between those surgeries. But with that one, I was off work for a while. Um, because I just couldn't, I have friends of mine did all my grocery shopping for me, so I didn't have to go into stores or because I just the thought of me going into a store and scaring another child. Um, I was more than I could handle. I just said I can't do that, and so I had wonderful friends, wonderful visiting teachers. My one visiting teacher um brought me uh lunch every day. She worked at the school, so she brought me leftovers, so I was very well fed, and um yeah, so I had lots and lots of help that way. So eventually I healed from that and um have all of those surgeries, and then about um December, end of November, December of the next year, because it went clear into 2018, um, I was having troubles feeling like I was getting enough air because this was so small inside my nose. And even now I have one nostril that's a bit smaller than the other side, and so um, I mean, I breathe fine. And if you think my oxygen levels, the levels are good, but it just I get out of breath easily, not as not as bad as it used to be, because I had these two final or three final surgeries, and he said he didn't really want to, he knew what he could do to help. He said it's a very risky surgery, he said, because it could go very badly. Um, and if it went very badly, you could be severely deformed. So you really got to think about this and make sure it's what you want to do. He says, I can do it, and I'll do it if you really want to. And so I took some more time, prayed about it, and really laid it out there for Heavenly Father. I says, you know, I can keep doing what I'm doing, but I'm not gonna, you know, I'm always gonna be sucking up air, I feel like. And he said, No, you need to do it. So um we scheduled that, and I didn't worry as much about it because I had Dr. Gardner, the best in the country, and he was ranked best in the country. So I'm not saying that because he was my doctor, I mean that it was true. And um, and then I think he had to follow up with one or two little ones to just fine-tune everything else, which was always common. And um, and it it's better. Um, it'll never it'll be a hundred percent at the time of the resurrection. I'll just say that. Um, until then, you know, I have ups and downs with it, but it's all good. And so yeah, um, that's kind of my story.
Scott Brandley:Um that's amazing.
Emily Hemmert:I love your faith that to act on to like pray and act on the answers that you get.
Leilani Speck:Yeah, I'm really um I really feel blessed about that. Um I've been given a lot. You've been through a lot of people.
Scott Brandley:Well, especially with all the trials.
Emily Hemmert:Yeah, you've been go ahead. I've been through a lot, and I know um in your notes that we had, it's like you something you didn't mention is that you've been in like six car accidents or something.
Leilani Speck:Yeah, I forgot about that. On top of everything else that we've talked about. I could touch on that briefly. Um yeah, I just it was almost like I would have I started having a this one car accident, and then within a span of about five or six years, I can't remember the exact time. It was either five or six years, I had a total of about six car accidents.
Emily Hemmert:Yeah, that's a lot.
Leilani Speck:Yeah. And one of them I had gotten whiplash pretty good, and um, I still suffer with um headaches in the back of my head from that occasionally, and those can get kind of severe. Um, but fortunately I don't get them very often, and when I do, they most of the time they don't last too terribly long. Um, I don't have any um permanent damage, let's say, per se, in the same way that other people might have. Um, I've always had back problems, I've always had you know those kinds of things, but so I've seen a chiropractor for a lot of years, and certainly they've kept me going because of that. Um, but whenever with with these particular accidents, um I mostly had the same chiropractor, and he'd get to the point where he'd say, You gotta knock that off. Your body can't take it anymore. And um, when I was I lived for a short time in Nevada and had a car accident there where I got rear-ended from the other side, and that one was hard on me from the standpoint of my ribs wouldn't stay in place, and I had a lot of pain with that one, and I can remember getting priesthood blessings just that I could lay down and sleep because I could, it would be so painful for me to just lie down and sleep. And um, I moved back to Colorado a short time after that car accident and went back to my chiropractor then, and he worked with me a really long time, put me into massage therapy to help because my body wasn't keeping the adjustments. Um, he would have to get pretty stern with me and say no, you don't even go home and cook tonight. You pick something up and take it home and eat. You just relax, you don't do anything, you don't do laundry, you don't sew, you don't clean house, you don't do nothing. And he would have to he'd have to do that with me pretty often, actually. Um, but eventually then things started to settle in and keep keep going. Um but yeah, those were some hard on, those were hard ones. I finally I'd had one, I think the last one I had was where I got hit from the front. The guy had taken a short turn and hit the right driver or the left driver's side, right head on, and I was driving. And so that that messed me up for a bit. Um, but after that, and I got through that one, then knocked on wood. Yeah, I've had a couple of other little ones since then, um, while I was in in St. George. Um, but after that, I've I've haven't had any. Well, that's really good.
unknown:Yeah.
Leilani Speck:Do you feel like you have a lot of anxiety? Do you have anxiety when driving now? Are you occasionally, occasionally? I did see a therapist at one time uh with one of them because I had to see a neurologist. I think there was someone with my whiplash. They had me see a neurologist. And and he was right. I was pretty, I exhibited um a lot of anger behaviors, and it was like it was uncontrollable. And I didn't even realize it until he pointed it out. And so I did see a therapist, he recommended I do that, and she worked with me with um some biofeedback techniques and other techniques that I learned, and occasionally um I still will use those techniques um when I'm on the highway. Um but it that's that's doesn't happen very often, but it does still a little bit. So there's still a little bit of PTSD associated.
Emily Hemmert:Yeah, I can imagine.
Leilani Speck:Yeah, yeah. So yeah, lots of miracles.
Emily Hemmert:So one question that one question that I wanted to ask from the very beginning was if you ever um had a relationship with your biological mother.
unknown:Um
Leilani Speck:Um, yes and no. Um, I always knew who she was. And at times when she'd come to see mom and and us, you know, we would visit and stuff. And then as an adult, I did see her on occasion. Um, but we were never really close after that. I posed a couple of questions to her once that she wouldn't answer. She just closed up. And um after mom passed away, I and I always knew this from the even the time I was a child, I knew that after mom passed away, I knew that Virginia and I uh would not have a relationship, a close relationship. And um we eventually didn't. I just I kind of just had to cut ties for now. Um she has since passed away. Okay. Um it just it it just wasn't healthy. Yeah. You know.
Emily Hemmert:So I love that you were able to reconnect with your brother after all those years. That's cool.
Leilani Speck:That was that was truly a tender mercy. Um to get to know him as an adult more and to have sometimes we'd have really good discussions, never really heavy-duty gospel discussions, but spiritual discussions. Um, and sometimes it would just be chit chat and you know, this video or this TV program, you know, just odds and ends things. But um, yeah, I treasure those. And we always the thing that that we always did is we before we hung up, we always told each other we loved each other. That's awesome. I after he passed, I never had that kind of a guilt or or um what's the word? I can't think of a word. Um I never had any kind of anything. Yeah, yes. Um, because we had always done that. That's awesome. Yeah. Regret, that's the word. I never had any regrets.
Emily Hemmert:Is there something that you want to share like a takeaway that you hope that that everyone has for all these things that you've been through?
Leilani Speck:And yeah, I actually do. Um one is you know, they they I we don't really talk and learn enough about the adversary. And I think in many regards, we need to know almost as much about him and his characteristics and how he speaks to us individually. There's some generalities, but there are some specific ways that he talks to each of us, and we better learn what those are if we're gonna battle against him and be able to fight against him. Um, and then strengthen your own testimony. That we've got to have our own testimonies. Um, President Nelson talked about that a lot, and that really is true. And we've we need to learn all that we can about our Father in Heaven and our Savior to be able to handle the the trials and challenges of this life. And of course, learn how to listen to the Holy Ghost, learn how it speaks to you. I mean, yeah, we hear about you know the warm feeling in the heart and and some of the other ways that it speaks, but again, that's a very individual way, and the way he speaks to you may be very different than the way he speaks to me or the way he speaks to Scott. Um, it can be all different. And then I think the the just the final thing is we all can do hard things, never underestimate the fact that you can do hard things. Um we all do them, have them. We're gonna have hard things, and they're all gonna be different and unique to each of us. But yeah, we can do hard things, and I leave that with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen. Amen.
Scott Brandley:Thank you. I mean, you're one to know a lot of hard things in your life, yeah. A little bit, yeah. But you know what's inspiring, Leilani, is you've gone through a lot of challenges and trials in your life, but you're still so positive, you know, and you still have so much faith. Like you can just see it in your in your personality, and you know, that's really inspiring. So we really appreciate you being willing to share that. I know that you went completely out of your comfort zone a couple months.
Emily Hemmert:And I cut out a whole lot, and I did that on purpose, but um yeah, we appreciate you being vulnerable and sharing because I think it helps other people in their trials to be strengthened by hearing your testimony and the things that you've gone through and how you've overcome them.
Leilani Speck:Well, that that was my hope. I I really fought against this for a while. I started getting the prompting that you need to do this. I went, oh heck no. No, no, no, no, no. And I'd listen to a couple more of your pride podcasts, and it would like prompt it would come again. You need to do that. No, I ain't doing that. Listen to a few more podcasts, come again, you need to do this.
Scott Brandley:All right, and yeah, that's usually how it works, though, right? You gotta just kick get kicked in the butt enough to leave.
Leilani Speck:Yeah, I you know, I hope that something that I have said maybe will resonate with somebody to just you know give them a glimmer of hope or something.
Emily Hemmert:I feel inspired. Yeah, I feel inspired having what having participated in this and listening to your story. Thank you.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, um, for me, like I don't have that close relationship with the with the spirit like like you do, but I know other people that have it. And so it it's it helps me to hear some of those more intimate experiences, even if it is like experiences with you know with the devil or with Satan, uh, and but then also with you know the spirit and and and God and Christ. Like to hear those that that helps me because it I just don't feel that. I don't I but I it's inspiring that you share it.
Leilani Speck:And don't, you know, I I had my own faith. I will it wasn't a crisis, but it was a re-evaluation, and so I think we go through those two, and we had to evaluate our faith and where we are, and you know, just evaluate.
Scott Brandley:Yeah, I mean that's part of life's journey, right?
Leilani Speck:It is.
Scott Brandley:Yeah. Well, thanks, Leilani, for for being on the show.
Leilani Speck:It's nice, it was nice to hear your story. Thank you. It was nice meeting both of you, and um, I'm sorry it took so long.
Scott Brandley:Well, you got you had a lot to share. But yeah, thank you for being on the show, and thanks everyone for tuning in to another episode of Latterday Lights. And if you have a story like Leilani, you might be, you know, not want to, you know, like I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it, but just go ahead and and uh go to latterdaylights and dot com and I can still be inspired by all of our your stories, all your other stories they do, they really inspire me. Thank you. Well not hopefully there's people out there with stories like yours that that need to be shared too. So but we really appreciate you being on and tune in next week for another episode of Latter Day Lights. Till then, we'll we'll see ya. Bye bye.
