You're Not Alone - Finding Light in Difficult Trials: Christine Maynor's Story - Latter-Day Lights

What if your hardest moments are actually preparing you to help uplift others?

In todays episode of Latter-Day Lights, Christine Maynor shares a powerful journey of faith shaped through both quiet growth and deep personal trials.

From a childhood rooted in strong values to discovering her voice through faith-centered poetry, she’s learned to turn life’s experiences—both joyful and painful—into meaningful expression. 

Her unique approach to poetry—combining backstory and takeaways—makes her message both relatable and impactful. 

Her story takes a deeply emotional turn as she opens up about serving a mission outside her comfort zone, experiencing miscarriage, and facing ongoing infertility. 

These challenges tested her faith and brought moments of anger and doubt, but ultimately led her to a more honest and healing relationship with God. Through vulnerability, prayer, and support, she discovered that real strength comes from facing pain—not avoiding it. 

Despite chronic illness and ongoing uncertainty, Christine continues to move forward with faith, using tools like therapy, gratitude, and temple service to stay grounded. 

Her message is simple but powerful: even when life feels lonely, you are never alone—and your story has the power to bring light to others.

*** Please SHARE Christine's story and help us spread hope and light to others. ***

To WATCH this episode on YouTube, visit: https://youtu.be/KUHD0_jyRQ8

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To LEARN MORE about Christine, visit: https://www.faithcenteredinspiration.com

To FOLLOW Christine on Facebook, visit: https://www.facebook.com/faithcenteredinspiration

To READ Scott’s new book “Faith to Stay” for free, visit: https://www.faithtostay.com/

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Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

Scott Brandley 0:00

Hey everyone, I'm Scott Brandley.

Speaker 0:02

And I'm Emily Hemert. Every member of the church has a story to share, one that can instill faith, invite growth, and inspire others.

Scott Brandley 0:10

On today's episode, we're going to hear one woman's struggle with infertility and chronic illness and how she has found peace and hope in writing poetry. Welcome to Latter Day Lights. Hey everyone, welcome back to Latterday Lights. We're so glad to have you with us today. We're really excited to introduce our special guest, Christine Maynard, to the show. Christine, welcome.

Speaker 0:40

Hello, thank you. I'm glad to be here.

Scott Brandley 0:44

Yeah, we're glad you're here with us. I'd also like to welcome um my co-host Emily Hemmert. Um, for those of you that don't know her, she's been on the show several times and she's helped me out many times on the show. Um, she runs a nonprofit called the Markovia Project, which is really cool. So go check that out. But welcome Emily.

Speaker 2 1:08

Thanks. Glad to be here.

Scott Brandley 1:12

Yeah, this is awesome. I'm really excited to hear some of your poetry, Christine. That sounds really cool. But before we jump into that, why don't we uh why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Speaker 1:25

Okay, so I live in Vineyard, Utah, which is in Utah County. And I live with my husband Mike and our dog Coco. I'll tell more about them later. Um, but Mike and I have been married for over 18 years, and I'm a stay-at-home dog mom to Coco, which is pretty awesome. So um, so through my trials, I've learned that life is hard for everyone. But when we have faith and hope because of Jesus Christ and his gospel, then we can make it through our trials. We don't have to go through this life alone. We always have our Heavenly Father and His Savior Jesus Christ to help us. And I believe that we can learn from the hard experiences of others around us. A couple years ago, I discovered a love for writing faith-centered poetry. So I write about my experiences, my trials, the triumphs of my life, the joys of my life. And I've I've um I just really believe that we can learn from the experiences of others. And so I feel drawn and inspired to write about my life through poetry. So that's what I've been doing lately. That's awesome. Yeah, that's about it. That's cool.

Scott Brandley 2:35

Well, we yeah, uh it sounds like you've got a lot of a lot of good stories and things to share with everyone. So why don't we turn the time over to you and let you tell us where your story begins?

Childhood Moves And Finding Voice

Speaker 2:48

Okay. So growing up, um, I had a great family. I'm the youngest of three daughters. Um, and I feel like Nephi being born of goodly parents because I have a really amazing family. And um my parents were active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my whole life, and they taught us the gospel and took us to church. Um, we actually moved around a lot when I was growing up. So I lived in five states before I was 16 years old. Um, I was born in Minnesota, then we moved to Denver, Colorado, Albuquerque, New Mexico, um, Amarillo, Texas, and then Fruit Heights, Utah is where my parents settled finally in 1999. Okay. Yeah, that's that's quite a few places. Um, but moving around um taught me to be a good friend. It taught me to get out of my comfort zone and say hi to people and introduce myself, and which was out of my comfort zone. I'm more of an introvert, so it was kind of hard for me at first, but um, it also taught me like my family, we grew closer together through moving around so much because sometimes, you know, you just when you move somewhere, you just have your family, you don't know anyone, so that helped us grow closer together. Um, and also I've always loved to sing. Um, so my parents um they noticed the the talent of mine for singing when I was very little. And my parents and my sisters tell me that I would sing in my crib when I was super little, and I would just sing la la la la la. And I would do it so loudly that my sisters would be trying to go to sleep, and they like they would ask my parents, like, can you please stop her? Like, she's keeping us awake. So, yeah.

Scott Brandley 4:47

So my parents luckily they didn't luckily they didn't try to stop you with like a pillow or something.

Speaker 4:52

Yeah, that's true. That's true. That would have been bad. Um so my parents noticed this talent in me at a young age. So when I was 12, they put me in voice lessons, and then I started singing solos about that age, and then I um wanted to be in choirs, so I was in choirs from middle school, high school, and college all of those years. And singing has just been really good for me. Um, I actually enjoy singing solos because I've been doing it for well, 30 years now. Um, so I would actually like to um sing a solo in church rather than speaking in church because I don't like to speak in church. So I'm more comfortable with singing in church than speaking. Some people think I'm weird because of that, but it's just more what I'm used to.

Speaker 2 5:42

So that's awesome, though, to have that confidence.

Mission Call And Learning Trust

Speaker 5:47

Yeah. Thank you. Um, so in the summer of 2004, when I was about 21 years old, that was when um when I was reading my patriarchal blessing in the kitchen with my mom one morning, and um some passages jumped out at me that never had before, and I'd read it many times, but um some spots jumped out at me, and with tears in my eyes, I told my mom that I think I needed to go on a mission, and she agreed. We both had tears in our eyes. Um, she had the impression that I would go about a year before that moment, and she didn't tell me about it until after I decided to go. So that was interesting that she'd had an impression on her own. Um, so my parents didn't um plan on having a missionary because they had three daughters, so they thought, well, probably not. But um, but my blessing said that I would teach the gospel in a foreign land and that I would be blessed with the gift of tongues. And I knew that this was what my heavenly father wanted me to do, so I followed that prompting, and that was a big blessing in my life, and my mission is still a big blessing in my life. Um, but being an introvert, this was really out of my comfort zone to go to a foreign land and teach people because I'm I like my comfort zone, so that was really out of my comfort zone. Um, but I submitted my mission papers, and a couple weeks later I got my call to the Spain Las Palmas mission, and I had no idea where that it was. I figured it's somewhere in Spain, but actually it was the Canary Islands. So there's seven little islands off the northwest coast of Africa, but they're owned by Spain. So um I don't know if you guys have ever heard of where that is, but I didn't know where they were.

Scott Brandley 7:39

I've heard of the Canary Islands, but I didn't know where they were.

Speaker 7:43

Nice. Um, so I had a hard time being away from my family and I dealt with some homesickness. Um, but um so missionaries back then could only call home twice a year on Mother's Day and Christmas, so that was also hard. But it was also really hard for my mom because she didn't think she would have a missionary and she wasn't really prepared for that. So that was really hard on her, too. Um, and the language didn't actually come that easy for me, even though I in my blessing it said I would be blessed with the gift of tongues. But I guess maybe sometimes things don't come easy for me that even like spiritual gifts that we're blessed with. So um, but my mission wasn't a mission that had a lot of success as far as numbers go. So I planted a lot of seeds that I hoped would grow someday, and maybe some of them have. But um it was an amazing time in my life. I'm really glad I served a mission because it helped strengthen my testimony so much, and just the change in my life during my mission just was amazing. Like the person I was before I left wasn't the person I was when I came home. So that was really good. Um, I also learned that even though we have hard times, that if we trust in our heavenly father, we can do hard things. And my mission was hard, but um, it strengthened my testimony a lot. So I'm going to read one of my poems now.

Scott Brandley 9:15

So before you before you read it, tell us how you got how did you get to writing poems? What what led you to that?

Speaker 9:22

So um I don't know. I just um so my family has a family group chat. We've been doing it for like five years since the beginning of COVID. And my family, like each family member does like a family challenge that we have to do their challenge, whatever it is. And one of my nephews, um, he challenged us to write a poem. And I was like, Oh, I don't know if you know, I I've never written a poem before, like I don't know if I'm I'll be good at it. Um, but I wrote one and I was like, oh, I really like doing this. And then I wrote another poem and then another one, and I just really enjoyed doing that. So then I started writing like Christian poems and like poems about you know my life, and I just really enjoyed it. So that was I think four or five years ago, maybe a few years ago. But correct. Yeah, that's awesome. So so when um people read traditional poetry, most of the time they don't understand like where the poem came from or the um lesson that we're supposed to learn from the poem. So um my poems usually um start with the backstory, which is like where the poem how the story came to be and for the poem. And then I usually finish with the takeaway, which is a lesson that we can learn from the poem. So that's cool.

unknown 10:52

Yeah.

Poetry With Backstory And Takeaway

Speaker 10:53

Um Yeah. So the backstory on this one is I read in Luke 24 an interesting story. After Jesus was resurrected, two of his disciples were walking on the road to Emmaus. Jesus came and walked and talked with them without recognizing who he was. They asked him to abide with us, for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. The word abide means more than just stay the night. On a deeper level, it means to dwell with, to remain present, and to make your home with us. So they weren't just asking Jesus to share a meal. They were in essence saying, Stay with us as light fades. Don't let us face the night alone. I really liked that. And then I looked up the um backstory behind the hymn, Abide with Me, because I thought it went well with this. And Henry Francis Light, who wrote the lyrics of this hymn, was an Anglican priest in England in 1847. He wrote this hymn while he was gravely ill, knowing that he was nearing the end of his life. I thought that was interesting. Um, so this poem is called Lord Abide With Me. Lord Jesus, I know that I am weak on my own. Please abide with me so I am never alone. Especially as the light fades, stay with me in the darkness until I fall asleep and am no longer conscious. Daily my body is in pain and weak. Please stay with me every day through the week. I have times when I feel discouraged and light darkness follows me everywhere I go. Help me feel thy loving light on my face so that with you I can glow. When I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my rope, please be with me so that I can always feel like there's hope. I don't know why I have to go through the hard times that I do. Just help me to not feel so blue. Please be with me when I have to wait for answers to my prayers, and help me feel like you are always there. I wish I could see you standing there beside me, and then maybe from my trials I could feel free. I know that life isn't meant to be easy. Help me feel like you love me deeply. I know that you do love me for who I really am on the inside, and that with me you will always reside. So the takeaway, there are moments in this life when we all feel alone and like no one understands what we are going through. But we are never alone because we always have our Savior who is waiting and willing to abide with us every minute of every day. We just need to invite him into our lives and our hearts, and there he will stay. So that's that poem. It's awesome. Thank you. Okay. So yeah.

Scott Brandley 13:32

Um I love that you have the before and after. That's very unique. I've never I've never heard of that. Did you get did you just come up with that idea or did have you found other poets that do that?

Speaker 13:45

Um, so the backstory on that is my dad, when I was growing up, he worked for a lot of book businesses, like he worked for Barnes and Noble and Hastings and Desert Book, and he noticed that the um the section of every bookstore that was the least selling was the poetry section. And he came up with this idea that like he he wants people to read more poetry, but he like the way that most poets do their poems, like you know, you can't really understand what they're trying to say. And so he came up with the idea for me to do a backstory and a takeaway. So that's where that came from, because he just wants more poets to, you know, to be recognized for their poems and it to be a higher selling thing. So yeah.

Scott Brandley 14:36

Yeah, well, I love that because it gives a lot of context behind why you wrote it, and then it makes the words even feel more powerful. Because it it's it adds a little it adds an element of um like it it feels like emotion or something, yeah. Like it it's it's you're being very open with you know and uh transparent with the audience. It's just it just adds that that another element to it. Like I could as you're reading it, knowing the backstory, it it really did add a lot to the poem.

Speaker 15:15

Thank you, thank you very much.

Speaker 2 15:19

It's almost like a prayer, like you could read that, you know, yeah as part of like your scripture study or something, you know, to like kind of like affirmate that was like affirmations almost, you know, of what you're wanting to do.

Marriage Then Miscarriage And Anger

Speaker 15:37

Yeah, thank you, thank you very much. Okay, so during my mission, um my parents prayed that I would meet my eternal companion when I got home. Um, they just didn't think it would happen as fast as it did. So I actually went to Weber State University in Ogden.

Scott Brandley 15:57

And me too.

Speaker 15:58

Yeah, I knew that. Um, so I got into an audition-only choir um that that semester, and I met my future husband in the choir. We started having lunch together and we hit it off right away. We felt a connection with each other right away. So then he asked me out and we dated for about a month and a half, and then we got engaged in December of 2006, and we were sealed in the bountiful Utah Temple on May 4th, 2007. So it was pretty quick. I got home in June of 2006, and I was married by May of 2007, so it happened pretty fast after I got home.

Scott Brandley 16:39

Yeah.

Speaker 16:41

Um, but meeting my husband, Mike, was the reason I think that I was led to go to Weber State University and to audition for that choir. Because if I hadn't, then I might not have met him. And it's kind of funny that um the semester that we both started in that choir, like that whole year, there were quite a few couples who met in the choir and got engaged and married like that year. So it was actually a pretty good place to meet your eternal companion. So um, and this taught me that my heavenly father has a plan for me, and that if I follow the promptings that I receive, then I'll be blessed because of that. So um, Mike and I both wanted children. We talked about it before we were married, like most couples do. And we tried for about a year to get pregnant, and in February 2009, I finally found out that I was pregnant. We were both so excited. Um, we were married for about a year and a half. So we were very excited, and we just imagined what it would be like to be parents. And I was about five or six weeks along when I found out, and we had told our family and friends, and they were all very excited. Um, Mike and I went to an uh ultrasound appointment when I was about 12 weeks along, and the doctor looked at the screen and was totally silent. Um, she asked I asked if there was anything wrong, and she said that she couldn't see a heartbeat or movement at all. So she knew that the baby had died. Um, she said that had happened probably a few weeks before. Um, but my body hadn't shown any signs of miscarriage, so I didn't know what was going on. Um, the doctor was very compassionate and she left us alone for a little while to to contemplate what was happening and to um because we didn't know what was happening before this point. Um the doctor said that if that I could either have a DNC surgery or have the miscarriage at home, but I hadn't like started cramping or bleeding or anything, so I decided to just go home and see how it goes. Um But then a couple days later, I started cramping and bleeding, so I decided to have the surgery. Um so my dad and Mike, my husband, um, they gave me a priesthood blessing right before the surgery. And in the blessing, Mike asked that I would feel comfort and peace, and that he said that the surgery would go well, that I would recover quickly. Um that blessing helped calm my nerves. And the surgery went well, and I went home then that same day. Mike took a couple days off so I wouldn't be alone. But um, I had always wanted to be a mother, and being pregnant was so exciting to me. To have that snatched away so quickly wasn't fair in my opinion at the time. Um I was very depressed, discouraged, emotionally and physically drained. I didn't seem like my normal upbeat and hopeful self. But I think that's probably how most women feel when they deal with this kind of grief and loss. Um, I got my emotions out through crying, but I didn't really let anyone know how I was feeling at the time. I think my mind was just so emotionally drained and exhausted, and um, I didn't, you know, I couldn't really process what was going on yet. Um the doctor said I should be fine to have children after. So, like a lot of women, they some a lot of women have one or two miscarriages and they're fine to have children. Um, so I figured that would be the same for me. But um, so I just went on with my life and hoped that I would be able to have children. Um I didn't really feel like talking about my grief that I was feeling, so I kind of bottled it up until it exploded. I wouldn't recommend that to anyone because it's not a good way to do it. Um and I didn't really feel like praying for a while after losing the baby because I was just I was mad at my heavenly father because I felt like this was something that I wanted so bad, and he took it away from me. So um, for a while I didn't really feel like praying. Um, so Mike, my husband, suggested that I should cry out my feelings to my heavenly father. He had had an experience earlier in his life where he was angry at the situation, and he said that really helped him. So he said that he would hold me while I cried and prayed. So we went to our bedroom. We had a one-bedroom apartment, so we went to our bedroom and knelt down together, and he held me while I prayed and cried, and sometimes yelled at my heavenly father. But um, that was really healing to me. Um, even though I was mad at my heavenly father, I could feel that he loved me and that he knew what I was going through and that he was there for me. So I felt much better after that prayer. Um, just getting my emotions out instead of bottling them up was really good for me. That experience taught me that I can pray to my heavenly father no matter how I'm feeling, even if I'm mad at him. And ever since then, when I'm having a particularly hard day. I just try to remember that praying to my heavenly father will always help me feel better. Um, so I guess that baby that I lost was too innocent to come into this wicked world. So it was just needed to gain a body so that it could come back to its Heavenly Father. Um, I felt a lot of love and support from my family and friends at that time. And in the years after the miscarriage, while we weren't getting pregnant again, I just like I didn't feel like I needed to look into why I wasn't getting pregnant. Like we didn't have a lot of extra money, so we didn't think we could do IVF or adoption or anything like that. Um, but that kind of grief that I still don't have children because I never got pregnant after that, um, it hasn't gone away completely, and I don't think it ever will. So that's one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my adult life. It's been really hard. Um, but I try not to lose faith, especially when I see all the young moms and their quote unquote perfect families. Um, but I know that everyone has trials and no one has a perfect life. We all have to go through hard times. And but just watching other women have what I want is really hard and it hurts my heart sometimes.

Scott Brandley 23:16

But but I do know that how do you deal, how do you deal with that when it when it comes up?

Sudden Loss And Choosing To Grieve

Speaker 23:23

Well, I just um if I get discouraged, I just try to um think of all the good things in my life. I like to keep a gratitude journal, um, and I like to just be grateful for what I have. And prayer has been a huge part of my life. Um, so I just pray to my Heavenly Father, and I know that he has a plan for me and that this is part of his plan for me, even though I don't know why. So it's hard on some days, but yep. Um, so some advice for people who have been um dealing with infertility, miscarriage, or if you know anyone who has, um just don't give them any advice about something that might have worked for one person or something that worked for another person who was going through a miscarriage or infertility. Um, because that really isn't helpful. At least it wasn't helpful with me. I think people who have gone through that kind of grief just need someone like a shoulder to cry on, someone to just listen to them instead of giving them advice. So that's that's the advice I would give for someone who's going through that. So um, so on July 8, 2015, I was at work at the time, and my mom called my husband, Mike, while I was at work and told him what had happened. When I got home, Mike looked at me and he had a sad um face on. And he said that my paternal grandparents died in a single car accident, just involving their car. So no one knew what happened, and we still don't know what happened, even though it's been 10 years. Um, so we called them Nana and Papa. They were driving home from um visiting their family in Utah. They were driving home back to Idaho Falls, and we have no idea what happened, but Nana was driving and they veered off the road. They went over an overpass and they hit a concrete wall. So um, that was some more grief I had to deal with in 2015. And they were my last grandparents to pass away. And I dealt with that grief by talking about my feelings and praying instead of bottling up my feelings like I had before. So that was much more beneficial. Um that's really hard. Yeah, it was. It was really hard. Um, but their funerals were actually a celebration of their lives. So their kids um they told funny stories. They were funny people, like my grandpa, Papa, um, he just had a lot of embarrassing moments that like are legends now um in our family. So their kids just told funny stories about them. And it wasn't really a sad funeral for them. It was, I mean, for us, like they just it was funny. It was actually a really funny funeral. Um, so that was really healing and cathartic for for all of us family. Um and I cried a lot in the next few weeks and months after they died, but I remembered the happy times and the wonderful years as them with them as my grandparents. And I know that because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I can see my loved ones again, but it still took a while to get over that.

Scott Brandley 26:42

Um I have a question for you, but yeah, um you talked about having a gratitude journal. I've never done that, yeah. But what how has that helped you in your life?

Speaker 26:56

Well, I think just focusing on the positives about your life. Like, even though I have trials, if I just even if it's been a really hard day, I just try to find the good in the day. Like even if you know I'm not feeling well or I just am frustrated or discouraged, it's just it's just really healing, I think. It gives me hope to just focus on the positive positive things.

Scott Brandley 27:24

So do you ever go back in it and and look at the past?

Speaker 27:30

Yeah, I do sometimes.

Scott Brandley 27:31

You were grateful for in the past. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 27:34

Yep. I do.

Speaker 2 27:38

Something I did one year and I haven't done it since was like right at the end of the day, just one sentence about like the best part of the day. And then like at the end of the year, we like read through kind of like the highlights, you know, and it was I liked that, just like focusing on like ending the day like on a positive note of like don't and not not even including anything like bad that happened, right? Just like yeah, focusing on like the best part of your day, and then it was kind of fun to look back at the year and like just in from like a really positive lens, right?

Speaker 28:10

Yeah, I like that. I actually do something similar. Um, so uh my therapist that I've been seeing for a couple of years, she started me doing like every day I put something hard that happened that day and then something positive. And she she likes that like we can focus on you know our difficulties, but we don't want to stay there for very long. So it's good to do something hard and something positive so you can turn your day into a positive thing.

Speaker 3 28:41

So I love that. Yeah, that's awesome.

Speaker 28:45

Okay, um, so Mike and I, we both both grew up with dogs. Um, we're both from Utah, but we moved to Michigan for a job for him in September 2019. That move was really hard because we all have all of our family is in Utah, and we were suddenly in Michigan, which is really far away from Utah. So that was hard to just be by ourselves and not have any family around us, not know anyone there. Um, so I decided when we moved to Michigan that I needed a dog because we both grew up with dogs, and um, I knew that dog having a dog would help me. So um I looked on the animal shelter website and I saw a picture of the cutest dog. She's still the cutest dog. Um, and uh it said on there that she was with the foster mom. So I emailed the foster mom and I said that I that we would like to meet the dog. So she said that we could meet her. And um once we saw her, like I knew that she was supposed to be my dog. So um we brought her home 10 days later. She's a Jack Russell in a Beagle mix, and we named her Coco. And when we got her, she was four months old. Now she's over six years old. So we've had her for over six years, and she's been a great companion for me. She's the sweetest and the silliest and the cutest dog ever. So she's just a really good fill-in for human children. I think that she's my dog child. So I'm her mom. So um, so then in the spring of 2020, um, when COVID started coming out and everything was all crazy in the world. Um then the beginning of June of that year, Mike was put on furlough for his job. So that was hard. Um, everything in that part of Michigan was pretty much shut down for a long time. And we tried to trust in our Heavenly Father that things would work out and that we would be blessed, but it was really hard for sure. Um, we had government money, but it wasn't very much money. It wasn't really enough to get by on. So after a month or two, Mike started looking for other jobs and he applied for a job at BYU in Provo. And I especially wanted him to get this job because I was having a hard time being away from my family. And my family was actually supposed to come and visit that year in 2020, but since everything was shut down, they couldn't come and visit. So I was really discouraged. Um, it was really hard. So Mike actually ended up getting that job at BYU. So in late October to 2020, we um we learned that he got the job, and a couple weeks later we moved back to Utah. Um, so it was really good to be near our families again, especially me, because I was having a hard time being so so far away from family.

Autoimmune Mystery And Daily Fatigue

Scott Brandley 31:45

So yeah.

Speaker 31:47

Um, in December of 2021, I woke up one morning and my feet and my hands were in a lot of pain. So I knew that something was wrong. Um, luckily that pain went went away after a few days. But I think it was my body's way of telling me that something wasn't normal. Um, so I went to an urgent care doctor that day and he didn't really know what was going on. He said that maybe I had psoriatic arthritis. So he referred me to a rheumatologist. And the rheumatologist, I learned that I didn't have psoriatic arthritis, but I was diagnosed with rhinodes. It's a condition where my blood doesn't flow like it should, and especially in the colder months, my hands and feet get painful and cold. Um, so if you have rhinodes, sometimes you have an underlying condition. So they usually check that to see if you do. And um I had a positive ANA, so that meant that I had an autoimmune disease. So I was um, I went to a lot of doctors and no one could figure out what was going on. And um, so they eventually diagnosed me with undifferentiated connective tissue disease. So that's what they diagnose you with when they have no idea what you have. Like you could have some symptoms that go with one disease, some symptoms that go with another disease, and like nothing it'll is lining up very well.

Scott Brandley 33:13

So, um, so basically not super, not super reassuring.

Speaker 33:19

No, it's really not. It's just what they say if you don't they don't know what you have.

Scott Brandley 33:24

So yeah.

Speaker 33:26

So I've gone to multiple doctors and I've tried tons of medications that haven't really helped. Um, I live every day with fatigue, awful fatigue, pain, um, joint pains, arthritis, and other symptoms. Some days I feel better than other days, and some days I just have to lay on the couch most of the day because I just can't do very much. And those days are really hard. Um, but I've been trying to heal my body naturally, starting with my gut, and I've been doing a lot of things to heal my gut. And those things have helped, at least in my gut area, but I haven't noticed that anything has translated to any other of my symptoms. So um I constantly want answers from doctors, but they can't seem to provide me with many answers. So I've been to a lot of specialists, and I'm constantly deal with the grief of wanting my old life back, um, but knowing that most likely isn't going to happen. So I know that because of my testimony and my faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ, that it can make it through anything. Um, I also know that this trial will be taken from me, even if it's in the next life. I just try to live every day to the fullest. I try to do what I can and keep my faith intact, but um, some days are really hard. So living with an autoimmune disease is something you don't know um what it feels like until you know. Um, I had no idea what the crazy fatigue, constant pain, and all the other symptoms felt like until I was in this position. So it's been over four years now, so it's been tough. Okay. And it's um been a lonely road.

Scott Brandley 35:06

So I'm going to Yeah, when when they can't tell give you answers, yeah, that that is hard, right?

A Poem For The Lonely Road

Speaker 35:13

It's hard. Yeah. So I'm going to read another poem that I wrote recently. So this backstory. Um, sometimes living with an autoimmune disease can feel like walking on a lonely road all by yourself, with no one else around, and the road goes on forever with no end in sight. Many people, and not many people understand how I feel, and it's hard to help people understand because they don't walk in my shoes every day. I'm sure most of us have felt lonely and like no one understands us from time to time. So this one is called walking on a lonely road. If you ever feel lonely and like no one understands how you feel, and you feel like your life has lost its appeal, just remember that your burdens you can always share with Jesus because he is always there. If you feel like you are walking all alone on a road all by yourself, and that your cares by others are unknown. When you feel like your life is anything but fair, just remember that Jesus is always there. If you feel like your burdens weigh you down and all you ever want to do is frown, just remember that there is one who knows the cross you bear, and for you, Jesus will always be there. If you can't imagine taking one more step forward and you feel like with your burdens you are constantly being tortured. When you feel like you can't walk anymore and you just have to sit down in a chair, just remember that Jesus is always there. Even if you feel lonely and empty inside, just know that there is always one who will be by your side. He has carried all your burdens and he knows your every care. And for you, Jesus is always there. So the takeaway, I'm sure that most of us have days when our burdens and trials seem too heavy for our shoulders to bear. We may even feel lonely and like no one will ever understand how we feel. During those moments, we need to remember that our Savior Jesus Christ will always be there to carry our burdens for us when they seem too heavy to bear. He has carried our burdens before and he will do it again. We can always count on that knowledge.

Speaker 2 37:17

Which awesome.

Scott Brandley 37:18

So, what what inspired you to write that poem? Was it just a low time in your life, or you're just reflecting on some of your challenges?

Speaker 37:27

Well, I was talking to my therapist. I'll talk more about her a little later, but um, and I can't remember, like we were just talking about me having my autoimmune disease, and that sometimes I just feel alone, and I could just like picture being on a lonely road all by myself. I'm like, sometimes that's how I feel. So that's where that um idea came from for that poem. Okay. Yep.

Scott Brandley 37:53

So when you're when you have hard times, do you ever go back to some of these poems and and read them?

Nightmare Spiral And Therapy Help

Speaker 37:59

Yeah, I do. Mm-hmm. Yep. And I usually write a poem like every two or three days. So I'm constantly just thinking of like ideas for more poems, and I have on my notes on my phone, I constantly have ideas writing on there. So yeah. That was awesome. Thank you. Um, so moving forward in October of 2023, Sunday night after general conference was over, I had a real I had a really terrifying nightmare. Um, I've always been prone to nightmares for some reason, but this one really shook me. I woke up in the middle of the night and I was terrified and very anxious. I was pacing around our apartment and I um couldn't go back to sleep. So Mike woke up too because he knew that I wasn't acting like myself and I was going a little crazy. Um so that whole morning I just sat at the kitchen kitchen table and I shook my legs. I couldn't even eat or drink anything, and I couldn't take care of myself or my dog. Um, I couldn't even talk, and I could barely walk or function. So that was pretty scary. I didn't even want my dog to come near me, which wasn't normal because my dog and I are super close. Um, Mike left for work, but first he called my mom. So my mom then tried to call me a few times, but I didn't answer. So then my mom um called Mike and she said she said that I didn't answer and that she was really worried about me. So he came home immediately, and he could see that I still wasn't acting like myself. So he said that he would take me to the hospital. So at the ER, they didn't really know what was going on. Um so they actually had to, I had to go to another hospital to be admitted, and the doctors there still still didn't know what was going on. Um so um the next morning I was uh when I stayed in the hospital that night, the next morning I was feeling much better, and they did a lot of tests, like everything was normal. They tested my brain a lot to make sure my brain was okay and everything was normal. Um, so they sent me home. And then um that the next night after um I wasn't acting like myself again. And at this point, I had forgotten about my nightmare that I had a couple nights before. So um I didn't understand why all this was happening, but the next night, two days after my first hospital stay, I wasn't acting like myself again. I was sitting up in bed with the light on and I was compulsively pulling at my hair, and my husband couldn't get me to stop. I was actually acting nervous and anxious again, and I couldn't take care of myself again. So Mike took me to the hospital again, and I was admitted again. Um, they did more tests and everything looked normal again, so they had no idea what was going on. Um, I stayed in the hospital for another day and a half. Um, the last morning I was there on Friday morning, I woke up and I suddenly remembered my nightmare that I had forgotten about for a few days. Um, I had forgotten about it and I hadn't told anyone about it yet. So I told Mike and my mom, who were at the hospital with me, and then I told the doctor. He said that that explained why my body and my brain had freaked out because of that nightmare that had totally shaken up my body. So they sent me home because the tests were all normal. So I went home and I was scared to go to sleep because I was afraid that I would have another nightmare like that. Um, I kept thinking about that nightmare all day long. And when I closed my eyes to sleep, so it was really hard. Um, the experience shook me up so much that I didn't feel like praying again because I didn't feel like I was worthy because all my thoughts were about this crazy nightmare. So um I was feeling depressed and emotional for a couple of weeks, and um, I could take care of myself and my dog and my husband, but I was still anxious and depressed. I eventually prayed and cried out my feelings to my Heavenly Father, and that helped. But it just took a while to get over this experience. And after a few weeks of still not feeling better emotionally, I decided that I needed professional help. So I sought out a therapist, and I've been seeing the same therapist for over two years, and she has been such a big help for me. Um, like I would recommend therapy to anyone, like even if you haven't gone through a lot of trauma. Like we all have hard times, and I think sometimes it just helps to have a professional who like knows, you know, how to help you and knows what you're going through. So yeah, I would recommend that to anyone.

Scott Brandley 42:44

Even just even just someone to listen to you, it's true, you know. Yeah, I think we can that helps a lot.

Speaker 42:50

Yeah, we can all just have someone listen to us and have a shoulder to cry on. I think that's important. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 42:59

So my husband's my husband's a therapist, and oh nice. Oh yeah, I agree with that. That it's like he always says like anyone can benefit from therapy.

Serving In The Orem Temple

Speaker 43:08

That's what I think too. Yeah, definitely. Um, so I live in Vineyard in Utah, and it's close to Orim. So when the Orim Temple was being built, um the bishop in my ward said that they would need temple workers for the temple when it was opened. But I didn't think that that was a possibility because of my health. Like I can't stand for very long. I'm constantly in pain, constantly exhausted, you know. So I didn't think that that was a possibility. But I kept getting the impression over and over and over again that I needed to pursue this. But then I would just think, no, like you you really don't know how I'm feeling, heavenly father. Like, I don't think I can do this. But I eventually um kept getting the impression, and over a couple of months, um, so I eventually talked to my bishop. And he got the ball rolling on my recommendation to be a temple worker. So I went for an interview one night to be a temple worker, but I didn't think that I would be able to do it because of my health. So I talked with the temple presidency member and told him all about my health and that I didn't think I could do this, but that I had the impression that I should do it. Um and he actually said that they're they were looking for some office positions in the Orim temple. And that sounded more like my speed. So um I talked with a woman who ended up being my supervisor in the office, and she set me up with a shift that would work for my schedule. So I left that interview set up uh set apart as a temple worker. So the temple was dedicated in January of 2024. Most of the time I've been there, I've been an office recorder recording ordinances with a partner. Um, it's hard every week because the shift is four and a half hours. But I've been blessed to be able to do it for almost two years. And at least I get to sit down for most of my shift, so that helps. But um, I've this experience has definitely strengthened my testimony that I can do hard things, that my heavenly father will help me do what I need to do. And that, like if I get an impression that I should do something, then I should just do it and trust in my heavenly father that he will help me. And I know that he will because he's helped me through this experience.

Scott Brandley 45:27

So that's great.

Speaker 45:29

Yeah. So um my immune system has also improved since I started serving in the temple. So that's interesting because I think um my emotional and mental health has improved serving in the temple. So I think it just goes hand in hand with my physical health as well. So yeah. Um, this is a just another sign to me that if I follow the promptings I receive, then I will be blessed to do what I need to do. It also reminds me of the scripture in 1 Nephi 3.7 that says, For I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them to accomplish the thing which he commandeth them. So if we have faith, then we can do hard things and we'll be blessed because of our obedience. Also, just um like I always loved being in the temple, but being a temple worker has just given me so much joy. I just love being there every week. And when the temple's closed, like I'm just sad because it's closed and I can't be there. So um just being there every week is just so amazing. And whether I'm there for my shift or there for proxy work, like sometimes I don't even want to leave the temple because I just feel so much joy and peace and comfort just being there. I just I love being in the temple. That's awesome.

Scott Brandley 46:49

That's awesome. Yeah. My wife just started doing um serving in the temple and she says the same thing. She loves being there, she doesn't ever want to leave once when her shift is over.

Speaker 46:58

It's true. It's like an addiction, I guess, for temple workers. Like we just want to go more and more and more. Yeah. So that's basically my story.

Scott Brandley 47:12

So awesome.

Speaker 47:15

Thanks for sharing your poems.

Speaker 2 47:16

Those are awesome. Well, thank you.

unknown 47:18

Thank you.

Speaker 2 47:19

Are you planning to like have them published?

Speaker 47:22

Or that's yeah, so I want to. Um, I've been working on a website to share my poems, um, but that's kind of a long prospect because I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm trying to do a work WordPress website, but I have very little knowledge, so it'd be nice um for someone to help me who has more knowledge.

Speaker 2 47:44

But um, I I have a website for a nonprofit, and I use well, I tried to do things, figure out things on my own, and then when ChatGPT came out, I was like, hey, I need to figure this out, and it was just like boo-boo-boo-doop, and I was like, oh, okay, like and it I spent like six hours trying to figure it out, and then it was just like bloop, you know. That's a handy tool for website stuff.

Speaker 48:08

Yeah.

Scott Brandley 48:09

Do you do you do your website, Emily?

Speaker 2 48:12

Yeah, that's why it that's why.

Scott Brandley 48:14

Your website looks amazing.

Speaker 2 48:15

Oh, well, thanks. I was gonna say that's why it looks like a kindergartner did it, but no.

Scott Brandley 48:19

Oh, I I thought it looked really good. Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 48:23

No, well, one of the so we we have sponsor you can sponsor child, but like it would say sold instead of saying like if someone sponsored child, it would like the default was for to say sold. So it looked like we were like child trafficking or something. And I was trying to figure out like how to make that little thing say like sponsored. Anyway, I tried on my own for like six hours, and then Chat GTP, I was like, I just need this to say sponsored, and it was like, oh, put this thing here into this, and I was like, Oh, thanks. So I don't want to look like a child trafficker.

Scott Brandley 48:55

Yeah, no, but yeah, Christine, I think that one nice thing is there's technology that can help us nowadays. Um, but I think people would like to read your poems.

Speaker 49:05

Yeah, that's awesome. Thank you. And I've been sharing them on Facebook. I'm um part of like quite a few um Christian poetry and some LDS poetry Facebook groups. So I've been sharing them on there. And I don't know, like um, I would like to do like a book of poetry because quite a few of my family and friends um they say like you should totally do a book of your poetry. But like I've tried with a couple of um a couple of companies and they just make you pay like six thousand dollars for a little book of poetry, so I don't really want to do that.

Speaker 2 49:42

So yeah, yeah, I think you could there's a way to self-publish. I don't know that much about it, but my um my dad's brother like writes poems and he just self-published his like little book of poems, and I bought it on Amazon. I don't know. Scott, you might know more than I do about that.

Scott Brandley 50:00

Yeah, I mean that you can definitely do that. Um, there's if you go to like upwork.com, you can hire somebody to help you put put your book together for you. That's pretty inexpensive, maybe for a couple hundred dollars. They could they could format it and put it, get it all set up so you could put it on Amazon. That would save you six thousand dollars. Well, yeah. So ultimately.

Speaker 50:25

It's called it's called upwork.

Scott Brandley 50:28

Yeah, upwork.com.

Speaker 50:30

I'm gonna have to remember that.

Scott Brandley 50:32

Where you can hire you can hire experts for pennies on the dollar, and they just they do your little project and they bid on it. You just pick the person that you think would be the best fit. And you can usually get it for pretty inexpensive. So that might be a good tip for you.

Speaker 50:50

Yeah, that's awesome. I'll have to remember that.

Scott Brandley 50:52

And they can also help you with your WordPress site. Yeah, so if you're running into problems there for $50 to $100, you could probably get somebody to help you get it to the finish line, and then and then all you do is just post your poems onto the onto your WordPress site.

Speaker 2 51:08

Yeah, I I so I would help you if I knew anything about WordPress, but I I have it. I use Shopify, and I'd like I can't ever leave Shopify because that's all I know, and I'm like, I can't, I'm married to it.

Speaker 51:20

Yeah.

Speaker 2 51:22

But I've heard WordPress is good.

Speaker 51:24

That's helpful, Scott. Thank you.

Scott Brandley 51:27

Yeah, you bet.

Speaker 2 51:28

It'd be awesome for people to read these because it's like uh it's therapeutic to listen to like to read them, and it's like psalms kind of.

Scott Brandley 51:39

Yeah.

Speaker 51:40

Thank you.

Scott Brandley 51:41

Well, and I love I love how you'd put it together. I I love having context. I think that makes such a big difference. Yeah. When you can because when you have context, you can relate. Right? Yeah, it's it's hard. I mean, you can still get value from a poem if there's no if there you don't have that, but but it's I don't know, it just adds a whole nother layer to it. I just love it. Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 52:10

Because I took in high school like a literature class, and they our teacher wanted us to like come to his his conclusion or the book's conclusion or whatever about like the interpretation of it, right? And I'm like, who are you to say how this poem like what they're implying by this? You know what I mean? Like they have they would be like, Well, here he's trying to imply this, and here they're trying to imply that. And I'm like, according to you, but like, you know, I don't know, poetry is just chat can be challenging like that. So it is good to have context because I don't know, I've never liked reading poetry for that reason. Because you're trying, like, you know, analyze, trying to like analyze it. I was like, can you just come out and say what the poem's about? So you know, it's like have some context.

Speaker 3 52:52

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 52:53

So I think that's a great idea that your dad had. I think that will really help.

Speaker 52:57

Yeah, thank you. I've because when I first started writing poetry, I like my dad didn't have that idea until I was a few months along, I think. And then um he said, Well, maybe you should start with a backstory that would tell, like, you know, how the poem came to be or what was going on in your head. And so then I started doing the backstory, and then a while later he was like, Um, maybe we should just add a takeaway, like a lesson that we can learn from it. And I was like, Wow, like that sounds really good. So I started doing that too.

Scott Brandley 53:29

So well, the other thing I like about it, Christine, is you obviously, you know, with your with your illness and you know, you don't have a lot of energy and things, like you said, right? But the the cool thing about it is you get you can still share your gifts and your talents with others, you can still uplift and inspire others through your poetry, right? Yeah, um it's it's basically kind of why we do Latter-day Lights, is because we want to bring light into the world. Yeah, you are doing that through your poetry, you're doing the exact same thing, and that's just really cool because that's inspiring to know that even when you're going through all these challenges in your life and you can barely get off the couch some days, you can still share that light and inspire other people. So that's really cool that you're willing that you're doing that.

Speaker 54:29

Thank you. I've just felt inspired to share my story through a poetry.

Speaker 2 54:34

I don't even know why, but maybe we should challenge all the listeners to go and write a poem.

Speaker 54:42

There you go. It might start something that will change your life.

Speaker 2 54:46

Yeah, maybe you could start a chain reaction of some awesome poetry being written.

Speaker 54:51

Yeah.

Scott Brandley 54:52

Yeah, you should have your kids in Honduras write write a poem, Emily.

Speaker 2 54:58

It's a good idea.

Speaker 54:59

Yeah.

Speaker 2 54:59

I know my so my um my mom's parents who I never met, they um, well, my grandpa anyway, he he would write these like poems, and my mom and her um, my mom's grandma, and she's has all these poems that they've written, and it's so cool. Like, I love that because I don't know. Anyway, I thought like I should write poems because anyway, poems are awesome. Unless unless it's like high school literature and you're supposed to interpret some like thing out of context, and that's not awesome, but yeah.

Final Witness And How To Share

Scott Brandley 55:34

Yeah. Well, thanks again, Christine. Um, as we kind of wrap things up here, do you have any final thoughts um or anything you'd like to share with with the audience before we kind of wrap up the show?

Speaker 55:48

Yeah. So I believe that if we are vulnerable and we share our hard experiences with others, we can learn a lot from each other. That's why I feel drawn to write about my experiences. I think that's why my heavenly father has blessed me with the gift of writing so that I can share my experiences with other people and so that they can learn from my experiences. I've learned a lot of things through my trials. Um, I've learned that we all go through hard times, that life isn't meant to be easy, but um, that if we have faith and trust in our Heavenly Father and our Savior, that um we can make it through anything and that they will always be there for us. And I know that they will be there for anyone because um they're just so loving and kind, and they um want to be in our lives. So I know that that's true, and say that in name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Speaker 3 56:41

Amen.

Scott Brandley 56:43

Thank you for your faith and for being willing to overcome your fear and get on the podcast to share it.

Speaker 56:51

Thank you. It's it's been really good to be with you guys and share my story. So thank you for letting me.

Scott Brandley 56:57

Yeah, you bet. Well, thanks again, Christine, for being on. And thanks everyone for tuning in to another episode. Do us a favor, go and hit that share button. Let's get Christine's story out there. Um, and let's help share some of her light and some of her faith with those that need it. And if you guys have a story that you'd like to share, go to latterdaylights.com or email us at latterdaylights at gmail.com. And thanks again, Christine, for being on. Thanks, Emily, for hanging out with me and helping me. And thanks you guys for tuning in, and we'll talk to you next week with another episode of Latterday Lights. Till then, take care. Bye.

Speaker 57:40

Bye. Bye.