Ep. 127 - THE POWER OF YOUR STORY W/ Aleya Harris

What if the biggest obstacle to your success isn't what you think, but how you tell your story? In this raw, unfiltered conversation, strategic storytelling consultant and bestselling author Aleya Harris reveals how authenticity unlocks real connection and drives success. From traveling the world as a private chef to losing it all with postpartum depression, Aleya shares her vulnerability framework that transforms pain into purpose. This isn't just another "be yourself" talk – it's a tactical blueprint for using your story to spark leadership, build influence, and create lasting impact. Whether you're pitching clients, leading teams, or taking the stage, discover why in a world drowning in AI content, real human stories are your most powerful currency.

Connect with Aleya: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aleyaharris/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aleyaharrisgrowth/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aleyaharris/

As always we ask you to comment, DM, whatever it takes to have a conversation to help you take the next step in your journey, reach out on any platform!

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DISCLOSURE: Awards and rankings by third parties are not indicative of future performance or client investment success. Past performance does not guarantee future results. All investment strategies carry profit/loss potential and cannot eliminate investment risks. Information discussed may not reflect current positions/recommendations. While believed accurate, Black Mammoth does not guarantee information accuracy. This broadcast is not a solicitation for securities transactions or personalized investment advice. Tax/estate planning information is general - consult professionals for specific situations. Full disclosures at www.blackmammoth.com.

Chapters

• 0:00 The power of your story
• 1:40 From marketing to private chef to empire builder
• 3:00 Losing it all: layoffs, purpose, and ayahuasca
• 6:10 Money anxiety, panic, and emotional hijacking
• 9:20 Letting go when you're addicted to control
• 11:55 Judging yourself vs. telling your truth
• 15:30 A voice in your head that won't shut up? Yeah, same.
• 18:00 Her 3-part framework to transform your story
• 22:20 Why we crave realness more than ever
• 26:10 The toxic hustle of looking like “you’re fine”
• 28:40 First money memory: the bike that changed everything
• 32:00 Pain shapes us more than pleasure — and that’s a problem
• 36:10 Aleya’s step-by-step storytelling framework
• 40:00 The truth: Someone out there needs your story

Transcript

Stoy: 0:00

The single most important thing in your life is you. Your story, your ability to let people know who you are and your influence. If you have all of that, that's where success comes from. That's where being able to have a great family comes from. All of that comes from your story, which is one of the most important things you have here. Aleya Harris is here. Guess what? We're gonna talk about stories. She's gonna let us know how we should do it, why we should do it, her story. Um, we're really gonna dive into it because ultimately, at the end of the day, end of this episode, what we want you to know is that you're not alone in your life. And there are a lot of people out here to help you, and the best way to help. Get help is to communicate and let people know your story, where you're at, where you want to go. So, alright girl, it's on you. Why don't you tell us about, uh, give us your story, give us your background.

Aleya Harris: 0:48

Okay. I'll try to give the succinct version of this background. Um, I am currently a strategic storytelling consultant, award-winning speaker and bestselling author. I help people use story to. So to lead and to spark the stage, but case, um, I started. Marketing and HR got laid off, which is probably for the best. Um, and I couldn't get a job the first time I got laid off like Uber wasn't really like a thing. Right. Um, that should age me a little bit. But don't worry, the eye cream is in full effect. So no one will ever know exactly how old I'm, um, and I said, okay, well I'm not doing really much of. I was in culinary school for two years. I became a private chef and opened my first business, um, as a catering and private chef company. I also got an agent, which helped me become the private chef for lots of high net worth individuals. I traveled all over the world doing that, but. I didn't really like being part of somebody else's entourage'cause I wanted to grow my own thing and be my own sovereign ruler of my own empire. But what I did like about that experience was that it helped me understand and get closer to my purpose. My purpose. Now I can articulate, which is to love people into the highest versions of themselves and everything I do. Is an excuse to do that, but I didn't always know that. And so then I became the head of marketing for North America after working, um, at Google. And I then got laid off again and I said, well, so what are we gonna do here? It's February, 2020 and went on an ayahuasca trip to the Amazon. Okay? My life started the first iterations of this business myself. Started doing more of the internal work, I realized that I could actually do this, and that was in September, 2020, and then within the six months after that, I made a quarter million dollars in in that six month period because I committed to my purpose and staying true to that. And then fast forward, I lost it all and then ha and had postpartum depression. But that's, you know, the rest of the story to leading us till now. Good curve ball. That's a different, yeah, that's a different story. We can tell that story too. Should you be so excited.

Stoy: 3:22

Right. That's going to different industries like that. Well, first of all, I was gonna go to culinary school, but football was my calling. I went to Oh, and got my degree in finance. So food is is one of the way to all of our hearts, but second, yeah, almost went that route too. When you were going through these two different, I would say three transitions. One, you got laid off, culinary and then outside of culinary and then laid off again. Where was your emotional spot at? Right. I know the, the later, the, the latest one probably was an easier transition than the first two, but talk us through where you were at emotionally and the things that you had to fight internally that no one really, really knew that much of.

Aleya Harris: 4:03

Well, my underlying limiting belief is that I am not worthy or valuable, so that always is the first thing that gets hit. When some big life shift happens. Over the years, I've learned that change is neutral and what we do with that change makes us judge whether that change is negative or positive, but change is just neutral. I most of the time decided that it was bad, so not only was it bad, but I had done something wrong and I wasn't worthy of whatever good thing could come of it. That was usually my first go-to response. After that, it was sheer panic and anxiety. Most likely right after that, um, hit right on those money triggers, how I'm an instant descent into living under a bridge as a homeless person, like it was like, I've lost my job. I will be under the bridge tomorrow. That's how it felt. I am very grateful to say that I've never been unhoused, I've never had to have that experience, but, and I didn't grow up that way either. I grew up middle class. So where that even comes from, we don't know. Could be generational, could be in my Akashic records, comes from somewhere, don't know where, but it's instant every time that something happens. And it's not just like a, like a big thing, like being laid off, it's like. I didn't close that deal that I thought I was gonna close or I remember, um, one week, not even that long, like a couple months ago, I was like, oh my God, I think I'm gonna be$300 short. I'm paying my nanny. Oh my God. Oh my God. And like the pain in my chest, I was like, I'm having a heart attack. No, I'm not having a heart. This is that good old friend of anxiety and it. No rational thought really was happening. It was an, an emotional hijacking happens with me in these situations and over the years, one thing that I've realized is that I've gotten a lot better. Also, I'm better at asking for help, and I'm also better at seeing the opportunity in the shift. I cannot sit up here and lie to your face and tell you that no. Every change I see is positive cut off my leg. I really wanted to hop on the other one, like, I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you and say that, but I have gotten better at seeing that and also taking less accountability. Most people sit here and the whole conversation is like, you gotta take accountability for your life. You gotta take accountability for your ex. My inner voice is like, girl, sit down. The whole world does not need you to carry it on its shoulder. And what you said that one time is not the reason why this is happening, or you not actively manifesting well enough is not the reason why you lost that client. Sometimes shit happens. In each of those transitions, I've gotten better and better at realizing the good parts. And even in, I still think I am, if you think of like a hero's journey where at the beginning something happens, the hero's called into action. And then before they get to go on the adventure, before the night gets to go and slay the dragon and like, you know, run away from the witch or whatever, before all those things happen, you have this moment where you, supernatural aid comes in. And I'm in that part of this, this cycle of my hero's journey because I keep hearing, let go, let go, to which I say I don't know how. Can you be more specific? Specific, like, what the hell does that mean? And so I have been getting more specific advice in that area because that's been my problem all along. Thinking that I can control an outcome that's out of my control and not just enjoying the ride and the wave and the changing of the current. So I'm getting better at these transitions. I wouldn't use myself as a gold standard, but maybe a bronze one.

Stoy: 8:23

Hey, ain't nothing wrong with bronze.

Aleya Harris: 8:25

Yeah. If you're in the Olympics, at least I'm meddled,

Stoy: 8:28

right? At least I'm on

Aleya Harris: 8:29

the stage. I'm on the stage. You on your couch.

Stoy: 8:32

I think it's important for everyone to know what you just said, right? Is you're one still learning on this journey. Whatever the hell that looks like, you're still going through it, but also. That you need to, the let go thing kills me.'cause I have that same feeling like I've had that voice. I'm like, let go. What? Look, look, I don't, I don't want it, but how do I let go? Yeah. It's to, to grasp that, Hey, I'm going, I'm, I'm doing these things and we're working through that. I truly believe the biggest difference between, I. People who take the next step in their journey, whether that is to business ownership, career choice, move outta the country. You name it is what you just said though, is they have so much accountability that I did four breasts this minute, I should have done five. And that is why, you know, I'm broke. You know, like that you put so much on yourself. Therefore then you don't tell your real story to people. Then they don't truly know who you are, and that's when it starts to really feel outta control because you're not you. Right. Ultimately. Exactly. Figuring out who we are and then aligning that with our decisions that we make, as opposed to, I wanna be like that person, so I'm gonna try to make all the decisions that they make.

Aleya Harris: 9:40

Mm-hmm.

Stoy: 9:41

You don't know who they are, you don't know who, how, what they go through, and now you're putting this all on you. How do you help those, specifically when we're trying to tell their story, overcome that at least enough to start moving in the right direction.

Aleya Harris: 9:55

It's not about overcoming, it's about working with, it's about realigning because there's actually nothing inherently wrong with any way of being and living. It's the judgment that we put on it that often makes our lives living. I made a left step when I should have made a right step. I'm so horrible. That same exact thing could be, I made a left step until the right. Look, I'm about to start dancing, right. You know, I just need another left, right, left, right. I'm gonna be dancing through life like, it's, it's, it's totally about the judgments that we put on ourselves. So the judgment of I need to be perfect, the judgment of I can't be seen as fallible because that's bad and wrong, and I'll be broke under a bridge. That's what prevents us from walking out and being in our authentic self and telling our story. And the lack of telling that story is actually what is a self propagating experience, which disconnects you from the people who are trying to learn from you and connect with you and then pay you that money. So what you have to realize is. There's a good reason why you're down the path that you're on and it's 100% valid. And at any point in time you get to curve the path. Change the path. Walk backwards, skip walk on your hands, decide to do a belly flop or do the worm down the path. You can change up the path the way you are going down it, what you think about it at any single time. The breath that is happening. Next is the next breath that changes the path. And if that didn't work, then the next one after that might be the one. So what you need to do when you're thinking about, okay, I am listening to you. Hopefully you're listening. If you're not listening, now would be a great time to tune back in. Hello? Say to yourself, I think that I am in fact putting too much on myself, and I am in fact, for one, preventing myself from telling the story. I'm gonna give you the gift that I got a couple of days ago from a guest on one of my podcast episodes. I haven't even released it yet, but his name is Brett. Brett Cutter with a C, and he said that the. To let go of all of the facades, which is really our protection mechanisms that we put up because we don't know if the world can handle our pain because we certainly cannot, and we feel like it must be too much, too scary, too overwhelming for someone else if we're struggling so much. So we're just gonna smile through it, pretend like it's. That sounds like you. If you feel like Aleia, why are you in my living room? Get out. Then I have something for you from my friend. My new friend Brett, and I did this right after I did the recording and I burst into tears and it felt amazing because I haven't been able to cry properly and I know that that sounds ridiculous. Because you're like, there's a wrong and a right way to cry. I was like, well, not, not necessarily, but if you're not doing it at all and like there and emotion feels stuck, you need to do something. Even if your expression is hysterical, laughter, something needs to start shaking around. So this is what he said. He said, put your hand where you feel anywhere in your tension, a block or anywhere in your body. Any sense, a block or tension? For me, it's my chest and my throat. Put your hand. And for me, I put my hand on my chest, close my eyes, take some deep breaths in and outta really focus on where that tension is. And then a lot of people are like, okay, now just breathe it out. But what he said, that seems like a very minor switch that made a big difference for me. He said to speak. What you are feeling and I was, I started off with, I, oh, it's tension. My chest is tight and, and I was like, well, but it's tight because I feel this pressure, I feel this pressure because I feel like I have to be perfect. I feel this pressure because I have to have the world on my shoulder. I feel this pressure because. I got this bill, I can't pay. I feel this pressure because, and I started just talking it out. And then as I started talking it out, I started crying. Not hysterical, boohoo crying. But at that point in time, I would've taken one single tear rolling down the cheek, right? And the miraculously was, as that started, I started to feel the, the space in my chest opening. But I also started feeling just kind of the space in opening. And I started to feel like there was a gap for someone else's voice besides mine. Thank God, because my voice was just saying some crap. My voice was all up in me saying, you're not good enough. This is stressful. You're so wrong. Body. Body. Do mean girl. Mean girl. Mean girl, mean girl. And just knowing that I was able to carve out a space for something good to come in made that huge difference. And I. So that's what I offer you. For the people that are trying to change the story of theirs,

Stoy: 15:20

do you, have you seen those memes and those gifts, or what are even the reels about people saying that there's people out there that don't have a voice in their head that's theirs?

Aleya Harris: 15:30

Yeah. I don't know if I agree with that, I don't think. And then they gave it a name, like some random quasi sounding medical diagnoses. Yeah, I don't agree with that. I think they're just disconnected. I don't know. I don't wanna comment on somebody else's lived experience that's not my own. But then I'm like, so what happens in there then?

Stoy: 15:51

Right. What is it? What is in there? And can I, what is

Aleya Harris: 15:53

in there

Stoy: 15:54

a little bit? I just, I don't want it all the time. I like myself sometimes. Yeah. Like it, like do I take a pill and it goes away for a few hours? Something.

Aleya Harris: 16:02

Yeah. That would be just silence. I mean, that's what technically meditation is supposed to do.

Stoy: 16:08

Yeah.

Aleya Harris: 16:08

Right. And I'm not a big meditator. I'm a great chanter, but I'm a horrible meditator. Um, so, but I enjoy doing the meditation with a tone, helps me recur, reconnect, and with Spirit and source. And then that helps me connect with my clients and people that I'm helping so that I can tell their stories and help them tell their stories. But it, it's fleeting. But it's blissful. Its that brain silences.

Stoy: 16:37

It's so nice. The problem is when I get it for like if I, because I'm not used to having it, but when I get it for too long, then my brain's like. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm back. There's something wrong with you. You can't be dead this long.

Aleya Harris: 16:51

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. We've heard from you. It's kind of like being in the classroom and I had firsthand experience in this because this was me, the kid that was like always talking and then the teacher's like raising your hands and talking to the teacher is like anybody else. Like that's how I feel like we've heard what you have to say. Thorough, aware of what your opinions, thoughts, beliefs are about all of these issues. Is there anyone else that would like to say anything at all? Anybody? I don't care Who, just somebody, somebody else who maybe is a little bit wiser and has. A more positive thought on this issue. Yeah.

Stoy: 17:34

Maybe

Aleya Harris: 17:35

it's, maybe, maybe.

Stoy: 17:36

So as you help people, what does the process look like, you know, to, to get their story out and like you attested to it, there's different ways that are necessary for it, right? Sales, leadership, your own business, you know, public speaking type of stuff. I know we don't need to go down every rabbit hole, but like in general, what's your process look like? So that people know like, Hey, this is what it means. Because there are a lot of people who are stuck and say, I don't have a story. I don't have anything. I'm gonna call bullshit on that, by the way, right now. You do. Yeah.

Aleya Harris: 18:06

You do have a story.

Stoy: 18:07

But walk us through that.

Aleya Harris: 18:09

So I am a framework girl. I'm a Virgos. Virgo. You need a framework. You want me to framework your framework? I'll framework. Your framework. So the overarching framework that I use is called the Story Spark Framework, and it has three most basic. Get real, get clear and get connected. So what we do first, whether you are wanting to hire me for consultancy to help your company redo your leadership in culture, or whether you're in my Spark the stage program to help you become a better public speaker. We are going to rifle around inside of you first because you need to have the understanding and the straight up awareness of when you are on track, when are you off the track, that you've decided that you wanna be on, how to hear, how to open, how to channel, and what your stories are, and what the lessons are that you learned from those stories. Because if you haven't learned anything from the pain, the pain doesn't have a purpose. So how can you provide your pain a purpose by articulating the lesson and how you can use it to uplift others? So that's the first part. Then we get clear, and I have more frameworks for that. So you need to not only know yourself, but you need to be able to communicate that self to other people. That's where connection happens. Not only do you need to be able to communicate who you are, but why should someone listen to you? Why should someone wanna be connected with you? If you're talking about a culture, how are you telling me that your problems and lived experience can be shared and understood and experienced by me so that we can move forward together? So I have crisis story frameworks and radical spark signature talk frameworks that help you understand how to communicate in a compelling way, and then you get connected. It's about how to make sure that your story can take on a life of its own by facilitating a movement of purpose, connection, inspiration, transformation. I do not have the power to transform another individual. Ask my husband. I have tried ad nauseum for about a decade now, and the man is wonderful, but any change, he is done. He had to decide to do it on his own. Right? That's how it works. You have to decide to transform. So whether you are leading a group of people or you're leading an audience from the stage. Your job is to make transformation so delicious, so sick, so tantalizing, so irresistible that people cannot help but decide to go on their own journey to their highest good. Being able to understand where people, how people receive you, it goes down to what Wearing, how are standing, how are. All the way to what do your slides look like if you're on stage? How do you present your new idea in a company meeting? What should the format be? Where do you put your hands? All of those little things help you connect human to human on a shared. Level, experience level that brings everything full circle so that your personal lived experience, your group lived experience, create something that's bigger than any individual component. And that for me is the power of story.

Stoy: 21:40

Leah. I don't want people to know my business. I just want, I don't want to be vulnerable and give out all of that. They don't need to know all that. You know what? What do you say to those people?'cause I know that comes up. You know what I mean? Oh,

Aleya Harris: 21:52

it comes up all the time. And my job is not to push you if you're not ready or not wanting to tell your deepest, darkest secret. My job is to push you past your boiler plate. My job is to push you past what chat GPT comes up with. Because in a post pandemic world, in a, in the new wave of a technological revolution where real is at a premium, people are searching for authenticity. So your story, the purpose of your story is to convey that authenticity and if you how to authenticity, then you are. Selling is not what it used to be. Selling. Used to be able to be like, Hey, we got this 5, 9, 9, wanna buy one? Not buy. All right, happy deal. I'll take five. And like, it wasn't like, you know, ridiculous. Like think of like the used car sales and commercial from like the eighties and nineties, right? They actually worked, that's why there was like, there was a thing that doesn't work anymore, but works is humans buying from humans who people can feel like they trust. Because trust is also at a premium. So you don't have to. Your postpartum depression story like I do from the stage, but you should probably tell that time when you, you know, gave that advice to a direct report or maybe the time when you showed up to a leadership meeting not feeling like yourself, and you didn't communicate that well at what the, the ramifications of that were. There are levels of storytelling, but the point is to articulate a shared human emotion, fear, overwhelm, anxiety, imposter syndrome so that someone else can recognize that you have had an experience like them or a feeling and an emotion like them, and that you can be someone that they connect with on.

Stoy: 23:55

But we're just in a, a, a timeframe in our society that we we're stopping putting people on pedestals. We just don't get mm-hmm. That you are, name it, the, the president. LeBron. Like, we don't care what you are. Right. Who you are. And that's why what is really cool, I think, obviously I play collegiate football, so sports are my kind of, I go-to my go-to. But we're all seeing a lot of more documentaries behind the scenes of athletes, right? Mm-hmm. Kyle did one in the Olympics, right? Like we're starting to see a lot more behind the scenes. All that does is bring real. To people. Yeah, exactly. Take off on Netflix. Right? Because we just wanna see them be a real ass person, right? Yeah, exactly. Walk outside like, we just wanna see you be real so we can connect to you. Otherwise, you are this. This facade, this, this, this godlike creature that no one can like. Mm-hmm. But no, most of'em are just regular old people. They can just jump higher or run faster. That's it. Exactly, exactly. That's, that's the key I believe in the storytelling, is just letting people know you are a real ass human, not a robot, not a, not a whatever. So it is great to see that.

Aleya Harris: 25:02

Absolutely. I mean, and it's very interesting too, because. That's kind of like our society's obsession with like reality TV and Yeah, reality, which is, or now that you don't even call it reality. They call it like non-scripted or something because it's like, it's not real. But even the facade of the reality, we are craving more, you know, because we just want. To feel like we are connected, even if it is blown out of proportion or now there's a trend on a non aesthetic Instagram trend, right? Where people like regular old people are like, this is what my actual house looks like as a normal human. Living in Ohio. Like it's not these grandiose, super clean, super professional looking homes, right? And that makes people feel good about themselves. And look, I am an optimist through and through, but shit is hard right now. And. I don't really feel like the external world is planning on getting easier at this current juncture in time. I am not a future teller and boy, howdy do I hope that I'm wrong, but you know, I think about my grandfather who had three kids, a stay at home wife. I was able to own his own home. Two cars had college funds for all three girls, went on vacation twice a year, all on this man's income. He just worked in hr. I live in Los Angeles, California. Sir, that's not possible. It's just you. You being single in a one bedroom apartment. You got three jobs, right? We live in a very different world where easy doesn't come as easy. And if you know that, and if you plan on experiencing that with any type of sanity, you will understand that the story that you tell to yourself about who you are and how you can navigate the non easy. And the story you tell to other people about how you are doing that in an authentic way is what is going to make you stand out because the telling of, oh, well, no, I'm fine. Everything's fine. Don't look over the air, don't look underneath that. And yes, there is a fire behind me, but pay attention to me. Don't look behind me. Just pay attention to me. That is going to ruin your income. You won't be able to move forward in a story that is not even a good fairy tale. You know, it's the things that people thought were inspiring before, like Lifestyles of the Rich in Vama. I'm Robin Leach, right? That doesn't inspire anymore. It makes people feel a little. Grouchy. Yeah. Cranky and bitter. Yeah. Right. Because, I dunno, something about the lifestyles of the Rich and famous before was like, Ooh, ah. Now it's like, man, that feels like it's in my face and I don't like it. So what are you gonna do to be a normal human?

Stoy: 28:20

Right? There's your story. I'll get to the end of this. I always ask two questions. One's deep, one can get deep, but one's deep for sure. Okay. You ready? I think so. Okay. You better be. Okay. What is your first money memory?

Aleya Harris: 28:38

Oh, you know, that's such a good question. There's an app that I use that's called Mastery, M-A-S-T-R-Y, and it's a hypno breath, hypnotherapy breath work app. And that actually is one of the questions they ask in the hypnotherapy breath work session. So I'm prepared for.

Stoy: 28:58

Wow. I have never literally been hundreds of episodes ever once. Was everyone ever said that? I'm gonna take it though, you know? Yeah, but damn, that's pretty funny.

Aleya Harris: 29:07

It's pretty funny. So my first money memory, the one that usually pops up in these hypnotherapy breath work sessions is a Christmas morning when I think, I think I was like seven or so, maybe. Yeah, I think I was seven. My parents divorced when I was four. And my mom kept the house and it was Christmas morning and I got my first big girl bike. And I remember though that my mom said something like how one of her friends helped pay for it. And I remember looking at her face and it being excited that she could give it to me, but also this like. At least how I perceive it's like this apologetic look like it couldn't be more, and this sense of like embarrassment that she had to get help buying the bike for me and what that did in that moment was cemented a very insidious and unfortunate memory. That is not my mom's fault, that. Oh, I don't deserve this. This money should have gone somewhere else. Or having this good thing that makes me so happy is causing pain to someone I love. And I am unworthy of this moment. Even though it was sacrifice, you know, there was sacrifice involved in giving this to me, but what makes me worthy of. Why do I deserve this bike and my mom's and my mom to feel like how I can tell she's feeling, even though she'd never said anything bad or wrong, but I could tell and I could feel it. And that combined with my father always choosing whoever he was dating at the time over me, really cemented and has been years in therapy and spiritual sessions to. I am not one of the rich people. I am unworthy of success and I don't deserve what comes my, because who am I that someone would have less so that I can have more? Scarcity based mentality. That's annoying at best and incredibly harmful at worst. But that when I'm in that meditation, that's, I don't know if it's my very, very first memory, but that's the one that comes up consistently.

Stoy: 31:35

We find when I ask that question, we find that, and you've done the work, so you're a little different, but we find that people understand like. Like for you, it was like, I'm unworthy. That's what you got essentially from that situation. Mm-hmm. And now your entire life has from then point you felt that way, right? Yeah. And it's really interesting because I'm not a, I'm not a therapist scientist or any of that, but the data that I've been doing because of this question where we are today, reflects back to when we were at that age.

Aleya Harris: 32:06

Oh yeah.

Stoy: 32:07

Um, and if you don't do the work, the cycle continues. Right. But also it's funny,

Aleya Harris: 32:13

I have, I have something to break to you. Even if you do do the work, it's, the cycle continues. There is no magic stop button. Trust me, I've been

Stoy: 32:22

looking for it. It might happen less, it might hurt a little less, but it, the train still goes. The train still goes, and it runs me over every, every now and again. But when we, when they reflect back and we reflect back on that, it's really funny how it's a money memory that triggers most of how we operate in life. Not Like if I said, what was your first happy, joyous memory as a child, I bet it won't be that. No, that does not influence you as much today as that money memory did.

Aleya Harris: 32:53

Yes, it's very true. We have, it's, it's, it's horrible actually. Think about because how much pain shapes us more than pleasure or at least more overtly. Yeah. Um. My daughter is two. She's my favorite person in the world. It's okay. My husband knows this. We both agree. It's fine. That works. Um, and I tell her every day, all day how much I love her, but I know that the time that I have with her right now is more a gift for me than for her. She's only two, like not many people remember very much from this age and this chick lives a happy life. She has a nanny and drives around and, you know, foreign cars and has silk sheets and like eats organic food. Like this chick lives the life that most Instagram influencers would kill for, right? But she's not gonna remember this overtly, but I think of it as like weaving a, a quilt. So let's say you're weaving a quilt and the the yarn you're using is white and it's soft and it feels good and it wraps around you. But every once in a while you weave in like a, an itchy patch of, I don't know, you know, Brillo pad, right? And it's dark on the white background. And so it's easy to notice those painful moments. But that doesn't mean that you're not still wrapped up in a general soft quilt and that, and that that quilt doesn't, in the background, whether you're noticing or or not, provide you a sense of safety and security, and that's what I like to think. Those good memories, they don't stand out. You're absolutely right. They just operate in the background, but they formulate who we are in a softer, more compassionate, less obvious way. But I would like to think they're just as powerful if not more powerful, even if they're not as memorable

Stoy: 34:57

view's. Got a remember'em.

Aleya Harris: 34:59

You just gotta remember'em and call them out and count your, count your blessings as they say, because I as humans. We're hardwired to focus on the negative. Yeah,

Stoy: 35:12

we are.

Aleya Harris: 35:13

It's hard. That's why like there's like a whole bible about it. You'll see it in the Quran, you'll see it in Hindu practices, you'll see it in traditional, um, indigenous practices. The emphasis on focusing on intentionally on the good because that's not our natural state. No

Stoy: 35:31

dunno why, I don't know why we were created this way. I don't know,

Aleya Harris: 35:33

man,

Stoy: 35:34

me. I wouldn't create a being like that, but, hey, hey.

Aleya Harris: 35:37

Yeah. Well next time you, you try to meditate, have that conversation with God and be like, so about this human blueprint thing that you have. Like, what were you thinking? Do you, I can say oops. Right, right. I mean, are we getting like a 2.0 here?

Stoy: 35:57

Are we getting an upgrade anytime soon? The last question kind of revert back to the beginning too, is we wanna leave people with something. So I want you to give them a piece of advice, action steps, something. That they can understand right now today from what they're listening to and take that next step in their journey.

Aleya Harris: 36:13

Oh, so many things, but I'm going to go very, very tangible. People ask me, okay, yeah, you're great, but like I gotta tell a story in a presentation like tomorrow. So what you got for me? This is what I got for you. I call it my crisis story framework. It has four parts. The first thing when you're telling a story, before you even get into any of the sections though, is to make sure that it relates to whatever the heck you're talking about, and realize that you're talking to narcissists with a short attention span, no matter who you're talking to. Even if you were talking to yourself, is it about me? Can you make it about me? Five minutes from now, is it gonna be five minutes? Minutes, five minutes after that, because if not, I'm not listening. So be relevant. The first part of the framework is to start off by capturing these lovely narcissist attention with a good hook that's related to the crisis. The first sentence of my bestselling book, spark the stage available on Amazon. Is, um, I began my entrepreneurial journey as the victim of an abusive relationship. It's the very first sentence From there, no one is not gonna at least read a second sentence, right? Because I've hooked you in. You're like, what the heck? I did not expect this book about public speaking to start this way, and then I've got you most people, at least through at least half of the book. I got you. So you want to focus on what the beginning is, even if something is, uh, when I tell my postpartum story, usually the first sentence I use is, I died on a cold operating room table on November. The whole story is about how the old me died and knew me as a mother was born, and me lamenting how I took care of the old me very poorly and my promise to myself to do better. So it, it is all about the first part. The second thing is then you articulate the crisis, lean into the pain that it caused you, and that defining human emotion characteristic that people can relate to. The third point is to articulate, hopefully in at least three steps, but no more what you did to get yourself out that crisis. Because if all you do is you sit there and you talk about yourself, by the time you're done, people will be like. Well, that's great for you anyways. Has anybody ought be making wrap dates recently? Like you're not going to capture their attention. So you flip it and you say, I've gone through this pain. It has taught me this thing, and this is how I learned that. Step one, step two, step three, and then the fourth step of the crisis story framework is to relate it to the larger context. So what exactly, like, how does this relate to the new initiative you're launching? How does this relate to the overall presentation you're giving? How does this relate to your culture? How does this relate to the performance? If you tell stories in that framework, you will captivate hearts and minds. I've given talks that have taken that framework and extended it to anywhere between nine to 10 minutes and have had audiences in tears, not because I've had anything super du duper traumatic happen to me, and I'm telling this super sad story, but because the framework. And people immediately see themselves in your story, they empathize with you, and they now feel inspired to go transform their lives. So that's the last very tangible thing that I will leave you with, with the bequest, that you go out and tell the story. If you need to rewind this, listen to it again. Reach out to me if you have any questions. But go tell the story, not the one that's necessarily your deepest, darkest secret. If you're not ready, but go tell your story because there is someone out there in this world. That is waiting to hear your story exactly from you. I could tell a postpartum depression story and someone would be like, and this, a lot of people do like, oh, well, black women, they just like go through stuff like that, right? You would be surprised. They might need to hear it from you. They might need to hear it from my husband who was there to support me through my journey, right? So you never know whose life you're going to change and who's waiting for you to begin their own transformation.

Stoy: 40:19

I'll finish all of that with what she just said is reach out. You need to communicate. The only way we can get anywhere is just communication. So we'll have her book in the description too, but also communicate to us if that's reaching out to us, DMing us, comment, all that crap. I don't care about the algorithm, which I talk shit about the algorithm all the time, so probably don't like me anyway. But if you communicate, you comment you, you email us, we can help. But you're not gonna get anywhere with your story, with your life if you don't take that step and reach out to somebody or tell somebody your story. So I appreciate you, um, I really do. This was fun and I hope more people are inspired to tell their story. And I look forward to a couple more episodes with you. I'm going a little deeper.

Aleya Harris: 41:02

Oh, I love that. Thanks so much for having me.

Stoy: 41:06

Alrighty.