The Truth About Death They Don’t Prepare You For | Let's Get Real Ep. 19

Let's Get Real just got real as hell.

Stoy strips away the bullshit and takes you through the brutal reality of loss - from teammate suicides to watching his alcoholic mother die at 50, to losing the grandmother who raised him. This isn't your typical grief podcast. This is raw truth about what death actually does to you, your kids, and everyone left behind.

What you'll get hit with:

• Why 82% of people will choose cremation by 2045 (and why you should too)
• The real cost of dying - we're talking $14K+ that your family gets stuck with
• How to explain death to kids when you're barely holding it together yourself
• Why funeral homes don't tell you cremated remains look like gravel, not fairy dust
• The anxiety of losing two mothers and watching your grandfather grieve after 40+ years of marriage

This episode will punch you in the gut and make you think. Because death doesn't care about your comfort zone, and neither does Stoy.

Fair warning: This gets dark. This gets personal. This gets necessary.

If you've lost someone, are losing someone, or just want to understand what grief actually looks like when the casseroles stop coming - this episode will change how you see everything.

Watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/8Gza6eqK9jw

Let's Get Real - where we skip the small talk and dive straight into what matters.

Welcome to the No BS Wealth Podcast with Stoy Hall, your candid guide to financial clarity. In our third year, we're spicing things up by enhancing community ties and bringing you straight, no-fluff financial insights. Connect with us on NoBSWealthPodcast.com, and follow Stoy on social media for the latest episodes and expert discussions. Tune in, join the conversation, and transform your financial journey with us—no BS!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Why I took a week off (grief & reality)
• 2:27 My first experience with death
• 4:12 Losing teammates: suicide, overdose, CTE?
• 5:42 The trauma of losing a parent
• 7:12 My grandmother's decline after losing her child
• 8:12 Open casket vs cremation? My take after going through both
• 9:12 The REAL cost of dying in 2025 and beyond
• 10:12 What people are doing with ashes (and why it matters)
• 11:12 How my kids carry their grandmother’s ashes with them

Transcript

Stoy: 1:12

We're back. I know I took a week off and let everyone know that was going on, but I wanted to catch up to speed of what's going on, but also highlight what this episode is gonna be about. And that is death. Death is among us. Death is always around, right? We joke around that, death in Texas the only thing that are guaranteed in life and it's true. So I'm gonna take you down a personal journey around death for me. We're gonna talk about some statistics around death and then just my opinion and observation to maybe help you. If a loved one has died or just in general death around us. So for me I really wasn't a part of too much death growing up. I think my great-grandma died when I was seven, give or take. It's a great-grandmother, right? That's a little, little different growing up back then. And then I didn't really have any issues until high school when. When I was a freshman playing varsity football, one of the players committed suicide with a shotgun. That was difficult'cause we were in the same position group and he was just a really good guy, treated me well for being the young kid on the team. And that was kinda like the first one of oh shit, like this is real. Went on to have a couple other suicides throughout high school. We had a family of three or kids of three, their house burnt down with them in it. And like things just started to, change around that for me. And recognizing what it is and that it's deeper than just like someone dying. So then I go to college and, get through college. No one's real, no real death around me until about 18 months after we graduated. When we had a suicide from one of our teammates who had a young son too. That was difficult. Being defense with him and everything, then you start to ask yourself is A CTE? He said, from all the hits we've taken, what was going on in your life? Although he seemed happy and all of that. You start reflecting on how much has to happen and go on in someone's life to choose that, but also like being a man and a father and going through from a sports perspective, the highs and being with your team to, not having anything. Not having that team that you bled and sweat with. I know I relate this sometimes back to the military and it's true to a degree, right? Their combat's different than our combat. Give or take, but the family side of it is difficult. Shortly after that, we had another teammate die of an overdose. Shortly after that, the coach that recruited me to Drake also died. And then two years after that, we had another coach die. So very rapidly things were starting to partake and now I have two boys and we're trying to navigate that and I'm still like grieving and trying to figure that out. Even with gr grieving process looks like. And how do you teach that to kids? I don't know. Lemme fast forward to 2021. Kids would be then four and seven, five and seven depending on, what time of the year it was. The part that I knew was coming was my mother. I early on realized that she was an alcoholic. I fought her on it multiple times, really throughout my life, throughout her life. And I always knew that was what was gonna take her. It just so happened to expedite itself when basically she had just turned 50 and she passed away in 2021 and that, that funeral was difficult. I'm glad she chose cremation. Because having a 7-year-old boy and a five-year-old boy there it was one of the most difficult things as a parent. The youngest not really knowing what's going on. Sometimes he's an airhead anyway, so it doesn't matter, but he didn't know what's going on. He was young. Lincoln, our oldest did though. He screamed and cried out loud, and it was that was difficult and painful, right? And then I had to figure out like what that means to me from losing a parent how to parent, how to move forward. And in doing so, but also that day my grandmother lost her youngest child on top of it and outlived her youngest child. I don't ever wanna know what that is like. I'm sure some of you have known what that's but I can't say that's something that I could even fathom happening. And from that moment on, her care and her drive wasn't there anymore. And so over the course of the next four years, she just dwindled away, stopped eating as much, stopped moving as much. And just really couldn't get through that grieving process. And about a month ago, give or take we lost my grandmother. My boys lost their great-grandmother. I says now their second funeral before Lincoln's 11. And Croix is currently eight. So like before they're 10, 11 years old, they've lost their grandmother and now they're a great-grandmother for me. This one hit harder. I don't wanna say harder. It hit differently because I lost my mother. That's one thing. I lost my grandmother, who was actually like my second mother.'cause my grandparents raised me a lot.'cause my mom was always working 12 hour shifts and my dad really wasn't around. So I lost two mothers. And now I have a grandfather slash father who I've spent multiple, years driving truck with him in the summers and everything. He's lost his wife of over 40 years, so I've lost two of my mothers. I have a grieving father who is aging, grandfather is aging, and I've never had that much anxiety, stress, unknown to deal with on top of going through that. Or she was an open casket with my boys and explaining and everything. The only thing that was easier is she was almost 82 years old, like you lived a good life and you lived through it, but to lose basically your mother's and only have one parent left to this day I still have days where it's I can feel it. So it's interesting. So I wanted to tell you that story, what's been going on. That's why I've been in my a for a little bit. So why we didn't do a video last week but we're getting back on top of it. And it's around death. It's around death. I find it interesting how we all get through it and how many people come to the table to help you and everyone wants to help you. But what is there to help when you have to grieve internally? I am lucky enough to be a business owner. I'm lucky enough to create content and stuff like this to allow me to time to grieve. And my clients recognize that as well.'cause if you don't, then what happens? I dunno, not sure, but lemme hit you with some stats. If I can get'em out of this good thing. I found these interesting and I want to put opinion piece on these as well, but these stats are from the National Funeral directory Association. So very interesting. Didn't even know this thing was a thing. So I talked about cremation and I talked about open casket. I prefer cremation. I know my wife does. I know I. My mom did it, but my grandma wanted burial. My grandfather, once cremation have gone through both of those. Cremation is way better. Albeit I'm gonna get a little more morbid with this. It's not as fine ashy as you think. It's more like gravel, just to let you guys know that, that was hard for me to understand. But ability to have the remains and spread them where you want and not have to go back to one cemetery or even see your loved one in that. Perspective I prefer, but here's the stat. 61.9% of people prefer cremation over 33.2% to have burial as normal. By 2045, the cremation rate is expected to be 82%, 82.1%, and I think that's just gonna keep going higher and higher for a few reasons. One cost, which we'll get into here ease of use and not having to go to one cemetery. You can make it your own experience. And three, I think people are wanting that burden of an open casket. And I will largely agree, which is what I said earlier. Now when we get to cost, the average cost of a burial in 2023 was$8,300 with cremation being$6,280. So right there, you can always, you can already see the cost difference. Yeah, it's$2,000, but that's just the average across the United States. I've seen it here in Iowa, 10 to 12,000, cremation being eight. In Nebraska, luckily my grandparents prepaid, so theirs was around 7,500. Give or take. Give. Now we're reaching 12,$14,000, and that's a burden that you put on your family that maybe you didn't think about putting on your family. That's why we have life insurance, but also. That's another reason people are choosing cremation. This stat is one that is interesting and there are gonna be two stats I'm gonna give to you right now. Non-traditional funeral locations are about 52% of the time now, which ties into this, 44.5% would prefer to have the remains scattered in a sentimental place while 17.2% would prefer to bury or intern them at a cemetery. 10.6% would prefer to have them kept in an urn at home and 9.65% have not been decided. So as you can see, the uptick of hey, scatter mine in a sentimental place, which is why the increase to the non-traditional is happening. I enjoy that. I really do. Now, obviously you have to look at local laws and all that stuff, but from someone who has gone through it. It is it feels better. It is more because you could have taken'em with you. My boys have my mother in her earn box and they put stickers. She travels with us anytime we drive and they put stickers at national parks and stuff that with her. And we're able to bury her where she has wanted and told us to, not just in one place. Which is amazing. I really find that helps the grieving process. Whereas with my grandmother, when we go back through Omaha, we will go to her burial site. And it'll be fine. It'll have that same somewhat feel, but it'll just be different.'cause we can't take her with us physically everywhere. And I know as humans we have this thing of like spiritual side, but we also have this physical side. I think that physical side is important. So those are the stats. That's what's been going on. My opinions on all of it. I wanted just to have this video be more around that. And for those that do follow and watch, I know this is a little deeper and darker, but you know who I am and that's what happens. Going forward on Let's Get Real, we will be having shorts that are more current events related more hot topics for you. We're gonna obviously have my opinion on them, but you'll see more of those in shorts. And then we'll have a summary video, really what's going on, and really my opinion on that. So stay tuned for the next, let's get real.