Thanksgiving Money Triggers: Boundaries, Shame, Peace W/ Rachel Duncan

This one’s for anyone walking into Thanksgiving with a pit in their stomach about money. You know the drill: old stories, old roles, and fresh triggers. I brought financial therapist Rachel Duncan back to help us keep it real at the table—and keep our dignity intact.

We break down why holidays wake up your oldest money wiring. Families “snap you back” into your teenage self, and your money beliefs? Most of them got stamped on you by age eight. If you’ve ever felt “14 again” at Mom’s house, you’re not crazy—your nervous system just time-traveled. 

Then we torch the shame cycle. Shame says “I am bad.” Guilt says “I did something I don’t like—and I can change it.” That shift matters because guilt leads to action. We walk through how to swap shame for guilt and actually move forward. 

We also hit boundaries—the real kind. A healthy boundary isn’t a fight; it’s clarity about what you will do. We show you how to feel when a boundary gets crossed, redirect explosive moments without stonewalling, and stop people-pleasing without burning the house down. 

Finally, Rachel gives a practical ritual you can actually use this week: a daily “pleasure practice” to reconnect you to yourself. Do one small thing that makes you feel human. It’ll do more for your money than any spreadsheet ever could. Yes, really. 

Watch the full episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/lXnvkBWjGas

As always we ask you to comment, DM, whatever it takes to have a conversation to help you take the next step in your journey, reach out on any platform!

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DISCLOSURE: Awards and rankings by third parties are not indicative of future performance or client investment success. Past performance does not guarantee future results. All investment strategies carry profit/loss potential and cannot eliminate investment risks. Information discussed may not reflect current positions/recommendations. While believed accurate, Black Mammoth does not guarantee information accuracy. This broadcast is not a solicitation for securities transactions or personalized investment advice. Tax/estate planning information is general - consult professionals for specific situations. Full disclosures at www.blackmammoth.com.

Chapters

• 1:20 Family triggers: Why you “feel 14 again” at home
• 6:30 Avoid or address? How to redirect without gaslighting
• 11:00 People-pleasing, “Set Boundaries, Find Peace,” and scripts that work
• 15:10 How to feel a boundary crossing in real time
• 19:40 Swap shame for guilt to make change possible
• 23:15 Connection kills shame: build your money “superhero team”
• 26:10 The daily “pleasure practice” that beats any budget
• 29:05 Budget = boundary (how to make it feel normal)

Transcript

Rachel Duncan: 0:22

Well then it's time.

Stoy Hall: 0:29

It is Thanksgiving time everybody. And what better way to, I guess, come together as a family unit than bringing up all the old stories and stressors and things that we all go through? Because it happens we're family. Can't really avoid it. Gotta deal with it. But today we got Rachel Duncan on, which you guys have seen her previous episode. We're gonna dive into some techniques, some thoughts, some things around coming home Thanksgiving money. Et cetera. So, Rachel, uh, welcome back. Thanks for having

Rachel Duncan: 1:00

Meto.

Stoy Hall: 1:02

Yes. And so this is just a fun time of the year for me. I, I just love it because you see all the stories, things pop up and it, it just gets crazy for us all. But why is it that. During this timeframe around the table, you're with your family. Why do money triggers happen around this timeframe? Like what, what really happens that brings it out of everybody?

Rachel Duncan: 1:28

Well, to like roll things way back, the reason why your family pushes your buttons is because they put them there. They put those buttons there so they know exactly right. All subconscious, no one's intentionally pushing people's buttons usually, but there's, you're talking old, old nervous system wiring. And I would say by and large, most people find, you know, uh, what. Find that going home again or being with family, um, is like more stressful than it ought to be. I would say that's like such a common thing, like, well, my family's dysfunctional. It's like, well, I have yet to meet like a quote functional family. I have to say, I think, you know, if you're feeling like God, something like this isn't right. Also, if you're feeling like. Oh, I am 14 when I go home. I find that a lot when I'm with my family, like, oh, I'm a teenager again. Even though like out in the world I'm a pretty functional adult. So it's just interesting and very normal for the family system, as we say, to snap people back. Snap you back to an earlier time. This just very normal. Not saying it's good or bad, it just is a very common phenomenon. Um. And so, and then when it comes to money, this is an interesting thing. I might have said this on the other episode, I don't know, but research shows that our fundamental money beliefs are formed by age eight. That's before you're even handling your own money. That is all from cues you're taking from the people around you who are dealing with money. So it's conversations you're overhearing, it's um, you know, money decisions, you're witnessing happening. It's usually what is said, which we're not always saying everything. It's also, you know, are maybe our first experiences with say if you got allowance and how you used that. And so all of those things is. Why is this very young? Like is money a safe topic? Is it a scary topic, is it a confusing topic? Um, and those things will sit with us if we don't go back as adults and, and process that. If we don't process it, it will kind of be a time capsule of whatever those beliefs were that you picked up from your family by age eight. So then, okay, let's say you're 40 in your forties and you come back up and then you're like, ah, I'm nine again. Um. It's a normal phenomenon. And, um, just to understand that if you feel kind of young, if you feel kind of immature, that's probably speaking to a time in your life that, um, might need some processing on your own outside of your family.

Stoy Hall: 3:51

Yeah, I, I agree. And I, I challenge everyone to, when you, it's gonna happen, it's just gonna happen, right? You're gonna get into that mode, um, maybe spin it differently of just saying, Hey, let's talk about this next week. Right. Sure. Try to push it to a different time. I do think you, it needs to be talked about. Sure. Whether it's the discussion of, we never talked about money as a family,

Rachel Duncan: 4:14

right? Mm-hmm.

Stoy Hall: 4:15

Um,

Rachel Duncan: 4:16

but maybe not at Thanksgiving. Like that's the, you know, time and place. We can, we can try. Um, yeah. It depends. Also, I don't think. You know, not all of us will get much satisfying conversation with our family about it. It, we might really depends, right? Everyone's got their own story and their own thing to work out it. It is sometimes a more solo practice or with someone outside of your family system because what's interesting is how you experience money might not be anything like. How someone else in your family experienced that same scenario. So that can feel a little maddening. Like, wait, you know, those were really lean times, and then your mom might be like, no, it wasn't. And then you feel like, ah, what's happening here? But truly, we're all the heroes of our own story. So I think also like managing your expectations of what can be done in relationship and what sometimes needs to be done out of relationship that is, is a little bit maybe on your own, because we just, we can't change people. Mm. We wish we could. We tried, but you know what? We can change sto. Like we can change other people, but we can. Shift a relationship, and that's different, right? I can't change how you are in this world necessarily, but I can change how we relate, which speaks to boundaries. The Big B word,

Stoy Hall: 5:36

which we'll get to, we'll get to. Yeah. Don't worry.

Rachel Duncan: 5:37

Teaser.

Stoy Hall: 5:38

Get into it. Yeah. Things are boundaries. State number two is what society Media is saying. It's a little myth nest going on here, here. This is a fun one. Probably my fa favorite of all segments. And I say that literally every episode. Um, so get used to it people, but it's all the best. Yeah. Great. How about this? How about this? So you've been, they're friends, someone, they're just saying, they're just, this is what they love to say is just, just avoid the topic. Just avoid the topic.

Rachel Duncan: 6:02

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Stoy Hall: 6:04

Um, I know when I ever tell my wife, just avoid the topic. That topic's getting brought up. There's no avoiding the topic specifically after I say that. So what do you have to say to, to that comment or to that quote?

Rachel Duncan: 6:19

Well, I'm curious, do you have an example in mind? Like is there something that's maybe come up, something you've heard about or in, even in your family, like,'cause it's so hard, the topic. I don't know what, you know, it could be so many things. Do you have an example we could work with?

Stoy Hall: 6:32

Yeah. Um, so I've heard this one a couple times and, and I'm not gonna verbatim say what this story was, but like it's, they're very similar. Mm-hmm. And typically it has to do with like, um. Brother, sister something, right? Mm-hmm. Said something to mom and dad prior months earlier. Mm-hmm. Um, this, this scenario actually had to do with a birthday party and why the grandparents went to one grandchild's and not the other grandchild's. Right. Okay. Yeah. That situation. Gotcha. Um, and so was told, hey. Someone don't bring that up during Thanksgiving, actually, this one was Christmas. It's like, let's not bring it up now. Let's let the kids have fun. Yeah. Do their thing, right? Yeah. Well, ipso facto, it so happened to be involved with like, okay, everyone's having drinks, everything's fine, I'm cool, everything's gonna go well. And then all of a sudden someone brings up. Said birthday party, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, because the kid got a present and was very similar to it, and then it just, like, it triggers from there, right? So I've heard that story. Not only, you know, with, with my wife and our family, other families of like, it's always something that is going to have been, and if you say, don't think about it or don't do it, it's gonna be on the tip of the tongue. Um, and so that's,

Rachel Duncan: 7:52

yeah, I mean, avoidance. A lot of things doesn't generally work. It, it can maybe work in the moment, right? This all depends, right? What are you up for? Right? Um, and managing expectations though, like, it's not like, oh, we either avoid it or we completely hash it out. Like those aren't the only two options. So like, I think sometimes we get into black and white thinking, right? We either never talk about it or we totally get into it. So like. Can I hold some love that this was a painful, confusing thing. There are hurt feelings here. Like I know this, I love these people and you know, I mean, I dunno, maybe this is my bias as a therapist, but I think we can actually like tolerate other people's feelings a little more than we give ourselves credit for. Like some awkwardness maybe. Maybe even if you're not involved, but you're seeing something play out, it's not your job to save anybody. But if there's an opening to even say. This feels really painful right now. Or while that was awkward, I think we can sometimes do things like this exists. Maybe now's not the time to get into it, but it's not the case of avoidance. Um, it's like, I'm so glad you actually brought that up. Right. Do you think we could talk about that maybe next week? Like I'd love to talk with you on Sunday, right? So there could be, sometimes it's a not right now conversation. Um, you know, all depends obviously of what you're up for. And if someone really wants to engage, then there might be some real boundary setting. Um, but I think actually we are all longing to be real. Yeah. And it's a, it's a horrible feeling if you're on the other side of that. Like, I am super upset about this. I can't believe no one's talking about it. And I'm triggered and I'm gonna start talking about it for someone to say. Let's not talk about that now. Yeah, it's the worst, right? You're like capping the bomb. Um, but like, God, I've wanted to talk about this too. This thing sucks. I think we could do, you know, I wanna repair or I want things to be better. Do you think we could talk about it, you know, on Sunday or something? Um, I, I think that can validate, like, we do need to validate everyone's feelings are valid. I know I'm the therapist here, but it, and I know it, sometimes it doesn't seem like it, like, I don't know why they're angry, but if someone's angry or upset, it's because they're hurt. We can validate that. Right? Or sometimes it was confusing. This was confusing. Um, I think also having a few things in your back pocket, right? Like anyone excited to see wicked. You know, I think we can, like, if. It feels like there's such weight in the room and no one's quite ready to do it, but like the topic brought up, I think if you have it in you, if you feel like you can do this and name it, that was kinda awkward. Guys, can we talk about our movie plans? Like I think that's okay. Instead of a avoidance. It's a bit of a redirection, and I think having a few things in your pocket to redirect might be especially, what are we looking forward to? Could be a great question.

Stoy Hall: 10:43

What about this next one? Just say yes to everything to keep the peace. Mm

Rachel Duncan: 10:55

mm Okay. You're talking to a recovering people pleaser, so there are times, depending on the relationships in our lives where to stay safe and just get through. We just put on that mask and say, yes, there is. There's nothing wrong with that. If you're on a journey and you feel that your family is, or any of these relationships are up for it, um, try something different instead of Yes. And that doesn't mean no, right. Again, let's avoid the binary thinking. Um, there is a book that I read this year that changed my life about boundaries. It, I had to look it up. It's called Set Boundaries. Find Peace, A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by a therapist named Nedra Glover Twab. I hope I'm saying that right. It is the book, everyone, it really did change my life. Um, because she kinda talks about sometimes you say, oh, it's either there's a boundary or there's none. Or a boundary means no. Yeah. Or there's none. But really a boundary is you saying what you will do, what you will do not, you can't change anyone else's behavior. So if like, oh, okay, my old family role is just saying yes all the time, and that has been a harmful habit for me that I'm trying to change. It could be a. Not right now. Or could you gimme a day to think about that? Right. That's a powerful shift from just being always agreeable and pleasant. Um, however, you know, fawning, we call that fawning is one of the trauma reactions. So if in your history fawning has been a way for you to stay safe, let's honor that. Maybe that is the best solution. Um, but if you feel like there's a little bit of room to start establishing yourself as a grownup with your family, it could be like, you know what will work for me? Right? Everyone's like, Hey, let's all get together and go to this movie and you really don't want to, or let's say financially you can't afford it, or whatever. Be like, I love that for you guys, you know, I'm gonna set this one out, but tell me how it goes. Right there, there's still kind of a yes in there. You're still being pleasant and agreeable, but a But isn't that a powerful boundary? You know, play with that and I'll say, if you are on your own personal journey, trying to change, move for habits, your family unknowingly, all subconsciously, we'll try to snap you back to how you were. Nobody means to do this, but this is a fact of like, family therapy is the system, the family system, uh, likes homeostasis, likes things to stay the same, even if that sucks, like the devil, you know? So when someone, it's usually that person who's in therapy who is like changing themselves and, you know, trying new things. Um, the, the folks around you, your family will be like, but you used to always agree. So don't get mad at them. That's them pulling back to homeostasis. They're just not on the journey you're on. You may have to say it again. It may feel a little uncomfortable, but. Who here has grown, you know, without discomfort like, and that will usually plant the seed for this relationship shifting. You're not changing the person, but you are shifting like, hey, maybe like I'm not just gonna be always available. I used to be, but not anymore. And they'll. Stay at it, stay to your integrity, what you will and what you won't do. You can still be really kind about it, about it. You don't have to be mean about it. And you know, we'll see everyone's family is different, but, um, usually when someone sets a boundary, it does benefit everybody. Did that answer your question?

Stoy Hall: 14:32

It did. It did. Um, and it kind of bled over to our next segment of Yeah. Your point of view. So we're just gonna keep diving into the whole boundary conversation and, yeah. First of all, one, you've gotta recognize what boundaries you wanna set. Yeah. Right? Like, you gotta start there. So how, how do we do that, right? Mm-hmm. How do we even start that journey for ourselves to one, recognize that we need to set boundaries and then like, truly like go on that journey of setting them. Mm-hmm. Um, not holding them yet, and I don't even get to that part. We just need a seven.

Rachel Duncan: 15:03

How do, how do we do that? This is one of my favorite topics because it's my final frontier. Like I'm 40, almost 46, and I'm like, feel like I just started working on this. So like it's my final frontier. So I think about it a lot and in my membership, actually, I do a lot of workshops about boundary setting because boundaries are funny. What's interesting about a healthy boundary is you don't know it's there when it's working. You don't know. You only know it when it's crossed. There's that. Ouch. There's that Z, there's that. Why did they ask that of me? Or, um. This kind of thing is exhausting, like, but there's like innumerable boundaries that are happening all the time that are working great that you don't even realize. So that's what's interesting is that we can't really define a boundary usually until it's crossed. So that's kind of where I start. Like let's take an example of a financial boundary that was crossed. Either like someone crossed your financial boundary or sometimes you saw it happen. So that could be the first thing is like, okay, how do I know? And usually it's a sensory feeling. I get a pin in my stomach or I start sweating, or I wanna get out of there, or you know, a, I do a trauma reaction fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, you know, so it's like, oh, okay. That's how I know when it is happening. So that's really good, right? Like when I get that feeling, uh, there's some boundary stuff happening here and then back up and look at. What is a story of a financial boundary being upheld? And a lot of times it's something you saw between people or sometimes, you know, an interaction you had. How did that feel? Right? Um, you know, some examples that I've heard is like, oh, you know, my friend, um, you know, we were all going to a concert and they said, you know what? That's not, uh, I won't be able to afford that. I'll see you guys later and. This client kind of witnessed that happening and was like, what? Like they did the thing that I wish I'd done. I couldn't afford it either. You know? And so I think paying attention to other people, you know, maybe behaving in ways that you feel like has a lot of integrity or taught you something or gave you a boundary there. Um, and then how did that feel? Oh, that is often I feel whole, I felt, um, seen I, you know, all kinds of sensory things. Um, and of course I'm an art therapist, so we make two images. We make an image of what it feels like to have a boundary crossed and an image of what it feels like to have a boundary upheld financial or otherwise. Now we have two very real, like sensory experiences and depicted visually, and they're usually really, really telling, right? And we're really looking at, um, the differences between these two feelings. So then we're gonna take that image, that experience of a, of a boundary being upheld. Like this is something you can feel and notice where else you feel it in your life. So I mean, this, this is a more of a, you know, the therapist's approach to it, but we all know the difference. And I'd say like, dial up your sensitivity to really feeling that notice there are people in your life who might have some, you know, different kinds of boundaries or boundary practice around some things. And if you notice it and you're like, God, I, I wish I could say that, sit with that. What would that feel like? What would that be like? Um. To set that kind of boundary. So, um, yeah. Did that, did that answer your question or did that Yeah, yeah.

Stoy Hall: 18:21

When we talk about money there, there's a, there's a word that comes around money a lot for a lot of people, and that's shame.

Rachel Duncan: 18:30

Right. The one number, one, number one word,

Stoy Hall: 18:33

they, they feel shameful of the lack of money. Yeah. You name their situation.

Rachel Duncan: 18:37

Yep.

Stoy Hall: 18:38

Um, then when you feel all that shame, you also then kinda spiral roll into this. I'm comparing myself to everyone else and where they're at. Yeah. Right. Those, those go hand in hand a lot. How do we one recognize that? Um, in ourselves. I know. I feel it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Others might not have recognized that, but it's a, it's a visceral feeling for me when I get into that little spiral and Yes. Not, okay. So Juan, how do we feel it, and then what's a good tool to get us. Kind of not out of it.'cause that's not the easiest thing to do, but at least right sized a little bit.

Rachel Duncan: 19:14

Well, I keep thinking about this, you know, thinking about holidays and coming together with family and a lot of times shame can come up when there's wealth differences within a family. Um, and. You know, Bre, Brene Brown has taught us that shame and guilt are kind of cousins, but they are different actually, right? Shame is I'm a bad person, and guilt is, I made a mistake, I did something I wish I hadn't done. So I think one thought exercise, if you're feeling shame about your financial situation, or for example, with a lot of people I work with, like I spend, I, I feel shame about how much I spend. Could I re literally replace the word guilt? And put that in instead of shame in that script. I feel guilty about how much I've spent. Oh, doesn't that start to, for me, that starts shifting a little bit. Guilt is something I can do something about. Right. Like, oh, how could I not feel guilty? Oh, I'd love to, you know, spend with more integrity or build up my savings. Now we're going somewhere. Because it isn't like about me as a human, it's not about my validity. So I think that's just like on its basis. I would write down the nast old script you got about yourself right now. Right? Like, I have a lot of shame. I feel I have a lot of secrets, I have a lot of shame, um, about my financial situation and just try out, I have a lot of guilt about my financial situation. No, it's still. Dark, it's still heavy, but guilt can move us to, um, well there's a, we actually have lots of frameworks to deal with guilt, like religion has a lot of frameworks to deal with guilt. Um, you know, like you can do something about that. It's making amends, it's changing your behavior. Um, stuff like that. So that's, that's sort of like my num my, my first thought. Um, and. I think the other thing is just what I said at the top, that shame is the number one word associated with money. So if you're feeling a ton of shame, another kind of thought is, well, could they also be experiencing shame? About something I don't know about,

Stoy Hall: 21:18

right?

Rachel Duncan: 21:18

Like we all have a lot of stuff in our closets and even the people who look like they have their money stuff together. I mean, sto, you and I have looked under a lot of hoods, like people sometimes who really look like they have it together. There is, there is stuff going on. If financially, you would never guess. So I think there can be a little bit, gosh, I'm carrying all this shame. I feel like I'm the only one who is bad with money, but Mc, Doy and I are here to tell you like good chances are really good. There's a lot of other people in your family who might not have the same situation as you. Um, there could be gambling addiction, there could be spending addiction, there could be unmanageable debt, all kinds of stuff that we are all working really hard to keep under wrap. So a little bit of normalizing is that if you're feeling like you have to keep a lot of your money stuff secret. Everybody has secrets. You're not the only one. Um, and if we can go to a place of guilt to work through, then you're, you're gonna find, you're gonna find your way out of it.

Stoy Hall: 22:18

I think if you, I know, I know if you transition that to that guilt too, I, it'll helps you align with other people, kind of what you're just saying, like, yeah, not, no. Here it is, folks, no one has their shit together. Okay? From billionaires, trillionaires down to people who have negative money like no one does. Okay? We're here to tell you, it's just the truth. It is what it is. But I think if you lay more on the guilt part, I can. Talk to you and we can be guilty together. Right? Yeah. We can both feel guilt together. The shame doesn't, and it puts up, this puts us in a box in a, in a wall away from everyone in the, in the corner, right? Yeah. There's just no way around that. So I really believe people, like if you shift to guilt. It allows us to then align with others. And I, at the end of the day, this podcast, what we do, what we put out in content in general and why we work with people is we want you to be able to talk to others. We wanna normalize these conversations because these conversations around money and everything drive almost every other decision there is good, bad, or indifferent. And if we can normalize these conversations, we can truly then start to mm-hmm. Help each other and not try to put each other down. And I, I personally haven't seen a lot of financial, um, conversations around putting someone down'cause they don't have money. Like, I've rarely seen it. Yeah, no. I've always seen someone We

Rachel Duncan: 23:43

do it to ourselves, correct.

Stoy Hall: 23:45

Yes. Yes. Right. Exactly. It is actually to ourselves. Yes. That then we push out and make it feel like people are saying and doing that thing, and it's not, it's, it's your own brain. Yeah, we have to be able to change that.

Rachel Duncan: 23:57

And I love that you brought it to connection.'cause that is the antidote to shame is connection. Right. The, the thing with shame is that it's been behind so many walls. Um, that's what's keeping shame alive. So actually just opening that up and finding safe people to talk with, and it might not be our family, that's fine. Right. But choose the, you know. I think building your team of superheroes, um, about your money, uh, the roles that you and I play with so many clients' lives is so important. Just the fact that, um, hey, like we, we can't just keep this behind, you know, 10 brick walls. Um, and I know it's hard and it, it can be embarrassing, right? That's the other thing. Is that shame or is it embarrassment? That's, uh, also something we can work with embarrassment, we can work with guilt and, um, the relief. That I witness daily with folks sharing what's really going on, going on with their money, with someone who is kind and not gonna judge them. And I was like, yeah, me too. Or whatever, you know, it's, oh, it is palpable. That relief and honestly, the shame goes poof. You know? Really can really shifts your perspective on things.

Stoy Hall: 25:07

It does. It does. Yeah. Alright. As we get into the last segment of actionable steps. We, we've discussed a lot here. Um, we've actually given some actionable steps. Sure. But I want our listeners and viewers today to leave Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Um, with a tool that they can take into this weekend, this long weekend, um, to one, hopefully get out of the shame part of it.

Black Mammoth: 25:36

Mm-hmm.

Stoy Hall: 25:37

Two, make sure that their boundaries are set enough for these. Stressful things are gonna happen probably in their family conversations, and three, the grace to deal with it and actually move forward with whatever their situation is. Mm-hmm. After the holidays. What are some steps for us to be able to achieve those three goals?

Rachel Duncan: 25:59

Okay. My favorite thing is I want everyone to write down a list of all the things that they do that makes them feel like a person that makes them feel like a whole being, you know, I don't wanna say your best self, but what makes you feel connected to being a human being? So for, you know, this could be. Petting your dog, uh, playing with your cat, tending to your plants, drinking that delicious tea. It's often. It's often little daily things. Uh, and that's the thing I want you to focus on the little what are daily little things that really help you connect to being a person. It doesn't have to be solo either. Like a walk with my husband will fix most things and whatever's going on. So they're often these little grabs, um, that you've experienced in the past that really help you feel like a person wants. You just brainstorm'em all. The weirder, the better. Dancing to disco music, you know, like weird stuff. Totally talking to my best friend, whatever. Um. That really like connect you to being a person. And then I want you to do one of those things every day no matter what. So you got, you know, Thanksgiving coming up that morning, you are gonna tend to your plants no matter what. And so you'll have a menu. It doesn't have to be the same thing every day. You can switch it around. Um, it could be sipping your tea and looking out the window, but I want there to be something that connects you to yourself. At least once a day, maybe twice on Thanksgiving, depending on your family situation, and really come to rely on yourself to do those things. Um, so it could be a, you know, a reminder in your calendar, sticky note on the mirror, all those things. All the things you know, uh, that might work for you. And to really, I call it a pleasure practice. And you could also connect that pleasure practice to just considering I am healing my relationship with money. That's it. I'm healing my relationship with money as I'm sipping my tea, as I'm playing with my dog. And just that little bit of a reminder, that little check in with yourself will honestly do more for your money than any budget ever could. So that's my, can you say

Stoy Hall: 28:01

that last part again?

Rachel Duncan: 28:03

Yes. Connecting with yourself and with Pleasure Daily. We'll do more for your money than any budget ever Can.

Stoy Hall: 28:13

That sentence is powerful people. Um, and yeah, she's a therapist. I'm not help. And I will still tell you the same exact thing. Exactly. The work you do on yourself, the grace that you give yourself is the catalyst to everything in life, right. And specifically money. Yeah. Um. That just jump starts it all and it makes it all come together. And kind of like you had said earlier about boundaries where it doesn't feel like there's a boundary, everyone always asks me is like, ah, I hate budgets. Right? You get the budget eye roll thing and I'm like, the budget is just your set boundary, but if you tied your budget to, and figured out who you are and your lifestyle and your goals and those things, and that's what your budget was created off of, it no longer is a budget. No, it, it's just normal life for you. But you've set yourself with those boundaries naturally. Yeah. And it just is a lifestyle at this point,

Rachel Duncan: 29:04

right? Especially if we think of a boundary is what you will do, right? And that is what a budget is. This is what I will do. Or I plan for. Right? That's, that's, that is what it's about. And yeah, that B word I gets a lot of, a lot of flack. But you know, we could so rebrand it. We just have the whole conversation. We need to rebrand the word savings. It sucks. Let's come up with better words for it. Like we can rebrand this stuff. Like it. You don't have to do it the way, I mean, back to family stuff. You don't have to do money the way your family does it. You can, you really can forward your own way and then you're gonna be even better with it when it feels like yours. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

Stoy Hall: 29:40

Well, hey everyone, have a great Thanksgiving. Eat a lot of food. I'm going to eat about four pies. It's fine. It's my thing. I'll get over it. Um, but Rachel, appreciate you coming on. We'll look forward to having you in the new year as well. Thank you. Uh, more we dive a little deeper, everyone a little tease here and I'm gonna throw it into this episode of we're actually going to have part of our collective, about five of us more on a panel. Going through more of these cases from all of our different perspectives and it's gonna be really, really cool'cause it goes deeper and it allows you in one scenario to get five different minds from five different walks of life attacking one issue. So everyone, stay tuned. Have a great holidays and Rachel, appreciate you coming on.

Rachel Duncan: 30:21

Love talking with you. Thanks Doy.

Black Mammoth: 30:38

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