Raising Black Boys When America Can't Decide What You Are | Let's Get Real Ep. 31

America says it's cool with you being Black… until it isn't.

Too dark for the white side. Too light for the Black side. And somehow, you're just supposed to figure out where you belong. This is episode 31 of Let's Get Real — and it's one of the most personal, honest, and necessary conversations I've had on this show. We're talking Black History Month, light skin identity, and what it actually looks like to raise Black children in a world that still hasn't figured out how to see them clearly.

I'll say what most people won't say out loud — Black History Month shouldn't be a separate month. It should be woven into every curriculum, every classroom, every dinner table conversation in this country. We lost too much history before Dr. Carter G. Woodson built the foundation for it. But it's 2026. We need to stop treating it like a checkbox and start treating it like what it is: our shared American story.

Growing up light skinned, raised by a white mother, in a predominantly white neighborhood, attending predominantly white schools in Omaha — I didn't have access to Black history at home or at school. And now I'm raising kids who are even lighter than me. So how do I teach them who they are when I'm still piecing it together myself? I'll tell you exactly what I do — and I'll be straight with you about where I fall short.

Food. Travel. Conversation. Culture. That's how I bring it to my boys. We don't just eat — we learn where the food comes from, who made it, what it means. We don't just travel — we go to understand. It's not perfect. But it's real. And being real is the only way any of us get better at this.

If you're light skinned, you already know everything I'm saying is true — and you're probably laughing because you've lived it. If this is new to you? Good. Go talk to a light skinned friend. Do your research. Learn outside your lane. The inventors behind so much of what you use every day are Black… and most people have no idea. That's the problem. And this episode? This is the start of fixing it.

If this hit home, drop a comment. Tell me where you're feeling it most. I read every single one.

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Transcript

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Too Dark, Too Light, and Stuck in the Middle

Stoy 0:00

America's cool with you being black. Well, kind of, as long as you're not too dark or you're not too light, but being in the middle really sucks. Trust me, I'm light skinned and I can promise you by the end of this episode, there's a few things that we're gonna learn. One, the history of Black History Month, uh, and two, my own personal thoughts on Black History Month, and then three, how it is raising lighter skin children. Right? I'm light. But they're, they're light. Light. All right, as we continue on with this month, and this being the last month, also, by the way, it's episode 31 of, let's Get Real, and if you didn't know, I played collegiate football at Drake and my number was 31. So this is not only a really cool special episode for Black History Month, but it's also my favorite number. So here we go. Let's get into it. I, I've spoken about this, um, on a couple of our no Bs, uh, wealth specials, uh, with Black History Month of like, what,

Why Episode 31 Hits Different for Me

Stoy 0:45

what does black History mean month mean to me? Both growing up both now and, and kind of all on the board. And I want to preface all of this, the overall theme, my overall thought is it's bullshit that we have to deal with it in a. And I think it should be part of everyone's historical background in history. Now that being said, I think it's phenomenal that we had had it start the way it is because otherwise we would've lost a lot of history. We lost a lot of speeches, a lot of stories, um, a lot of research, a lot of products that we've talked about. Um,

Black History Month: Necessary… and Bullsh*t

Stoy 1:15

all of that would've been lost if Dr. Carter didn't do it during these times, right? And so I'm so glad that that has happened. But it's 2026 now. It should be something that's in part of all of our curriculum, in all of our culture. Now, I will say this back to how I started this episode of being whether you're dark or light skinned or too light, too dark and i'll, I'm gonna go through how I was raised and why I don't even know that much about black history, which is why I wish we did more of it. So growing up, uh, raised by a white mother, a lot of you know this, uh, father really was in and out of the picture at the time, but raised a white family in more of

Dr. Carter G. Woodson Built the Foundation — Now What?

Stoy 1:50

a predominantly white neighborhood and more of a predominantly white school, um, in Omaha and West Side High School. And so the black history really wasn't there. One, internally, my family, I didn't have it right, that was on the other side. Uh, two at school, there really wasn't much culture change or conversations to be had. And then three. I had to always deal with this fact, the fact

Growing Up Light Skinned in a White World

Stoy 2:10

of being light skinned. And if you look at me right now, it is definitely winter time. Uh, wait till you see me in the summer, uh, is that if you are black at all, skin color is all, then you're too dark for the whites. Now you're considered just black, but to the dark skinned blacks. You're now white because you're light skinned and we have this, everyone in the middle being the mixed race or the light skins, the mulattos, whatever you wanna call us, that gets stuck into a different holding cell, a different pattern, maybe a lack of our own culture because our cultures represent both sides. But like what's our culture? And I find that fascinating. Um, both me, I know a lot of light skins, but Christina Hall as well, who's part of the collective, no relation we don't think is. That part. Our history. Yeah, we have our family history on both sides, but the light skin history And what does that entail? What does that look like and why is it so difficult

What It Means to Have No Cultural Home Base

Stoy 3:00

and different? Because you are not part of each group. As much as we want to talk about it in the world, let alone in America, if you don't look the same as a certain group, there is still. That uncomfortableness, right? There's still that thing that makes you different, good, bad or indifferent is what it is. We know America's racist, okay? Just fucking own it. Look at it around America's racist. Um, and so you're able, you, you need to be able to choose, but we never do. Right? And so I can. Be part of the white group or the black group or whatever when I was growing up. But nowadays it's different. Nowadays we have more ability to research more resources and things to go after to learn about great stories like this or like the past couple LG episodes. But it comes down to, okay, well what do we really teach and how do we teach it? I know here locally in Ankeny that they have cut some

Raising Kids Lighter Than Me — The Real Challenge

Stoy 3:45

of our history out. It's not in the books. I know in the South we see articles all the time that it doesn't represent the true history to me. We all need to do our own research, and our families need to try to grab upon those as much as possible. It's difficult for me. My mother's gone. My father's really not in the picture. I don't have connection to really that side of the family, so I have to do a lot of research on my own, which makes it even more difficult to pass that on to my kids. Now. My kids are lighter than me. They get dark in the summer too. We all do, right? And they don't have as dark as hair as me or different features. So they are that new crop, that new generation that legitimately is. It's all gonna eventually get there, but they still have to deal with the fact that they are

Teaching Culture Through Food, Travel & Conversation

Stoy 4:20

black children. Luckily they don't have to deal with as much racism because if it happens around me and, and their mother, well shit's not gonna be tolerated. However, they're gonna have to learn that themselves. So what do I do as a father to teach them? I don't do a very good job of teaching all the history 'cause I'm still learning myself. But we, we talk about culture, right? We love going to Hawaii. We love food. Um, I mean, our boys love butter chicken. They love anything Mexican. Anything Asian. We love Hawaiian food. They love sushi, like you name it, I teach through food. PO come together through one thing and, and in this world and it is food. And so being able to teach about others, whether it's learning their processes, their traditions, their thoughts and beliefs. I do it through food with the boys. I am a great chef. We cook at home all the time, but it allows them to understand like what things are happening and what people have to go through. I think travel's key as well. We travel as much as we can, but that's the only way you're gonna be able to learn about what others are going through

America, We Gotta Own It and Do Better

Stoy 5:10

and be able to be there for. To me, that's Black History Month, right? But that's not Black History Month. That's just history. That's. Culture. That's what we should be doing as humans in general, but we're not, we're fighting each other about some stupid old shit. We're, we're dealing with these motherfucking files that are still not being dealt with. The predators behind that, right? We wanna hide all of the bad in this, in this country, but we don't talk about the good. We don't understand where it came from. If we don't understand where we came from, we can't really move forward with a clearer picture. So as we wrap up Black History Month, make sure you're doing some research. Even if you're white, even if you're white, even if you're yellow, even if you're Hispanic. Learn about other cultures. Learn about what comes through, because you'll be fascinated

The Mission Going Into 2026

Stoy 5:50

to know how much black history, actually the inventors of the things that you have in life are out there. So. If you're light skinned like me, I know you're laughing your ass off because you know it's true. Uh, if you're not and you've never heard that before, go, go speak to a light skinned friend, please. Uh, we, we've been through it, but America, we gotta do better and we always gotta be working to become better. The only way we can do that is if it's, if it's worth focused. And focusing on being real. So here's your episode number 31 of Let's Get Real Or Power To You.