Episode 11: I'm Creating My Greatest Love Story

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We start July 1st

Transcript

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Good morning and welcome to another episode of the Shadow Body Podcast. My name is Lolly. I am your host. This is the Relationship Edition. For those of you that have been following me, I recently, well, a couple of years ago, separated from my ex-husband and am finding my way into a new relationship with a whole new set of skills, um, wisdom, and guidance for this chapter, and just really intentionally diving into this piece with my new lover, finding ways of exploring relationships that have been inspired by these case studies I've been doing for the past year within Innerloom, supporting couples and somatics, using somatics to support couples rather, and this feels like the new chapter that is Inner Loom. We are expanding our uh trainings and the school that is somatic therapy for expressive body art so that we can help couples and relationships and just people in general finding their ways, their way in the world, um locating and sustaining real healthy dynamics and relationships that feel uh true and honest to our bodies. This is a serious topic because out in the world it feels as though many of us are struggling to get along, hold opposing views, and navigate this wild world together. And with the epidemic of loneliness, I am determined to bring this work in to support us in uh cultivating a world that feels good to our bodies, and these practices work. I'm just gonna go ahead and say these practices work, and so just before I dive into what I'm about to talk about today, which is I guess that I feel like I'm in one of the greatest love stories. It's just this beautiful chapter within my relationship. So I thought I'd record a lot of the pieces I'm discovering, but before I go into that, I want to just say that our beta Sematics for Couples course is growing, and we start on July 1st. Um, it's one call every month for two hours for one year, and this course is designed to support couples. Uh, it doesn't matter what stage you're at. I'm not an expert in relationships, but I am a weaver of somatics. I understand the ecosomatic lens on a visceral level and just love inspiring you to think differently uh when approaching other bodies, especially the ones that you share your life with. It's important work. Anyway, there's space for you. I will put the link down in the um uh in the little description below the episode if you want to hop on in or reach out to me at innerloom at gmail.com for more information and support. But this is what many folks are leaning into. Many folks are leaning into. I think we're just ready for a new way of relating. A new way of relating. Um, I know I wasn't given this information at a young age, and it's so exciting. It's so exciting and nurturing, and the way my life is unfolding because of these practices, uh, just a new framework to approach my relationship has been, I don't know, revolutionary, life-changing. It's everything. If you consider I'm sharing my life with someone, so of course, how we do this dance determines everything else. It ripples out to every other experience, everything else that I'm I'm up to. So you better believe I'm gonna emphasize the importance of this work and this practice. Um, I'm so here for it. Okay, so I just want to say that I was writing in my journal, sitting around the fire this morning, just saying I feel like I'm in one of the greatest love stories ever. And it's not the best love story, it's it's not the love story for you, but like for me, I am quite chuffed to be sitting in the midst of something that feels so good. And a lot of it has to do with the way that I'm showing up, the way that I am supporting him, the the loving action that is taking place from me. So my my response system is really noticeable and in contrast to the way I have shown up in the past. And so let's just name that when we're in survival, which if you've been following my my journey, it's been that way for a very long time. And and even for the beginning stages of my my work in the world, I was still unpacking and dismantling old ways of relating, the ones that I learned in developmental years and how I kind of viewed my parents in relationship. And so it hasn't been an overnight process, but I'm I'm I'm noticing a significant change in the way that I choose to show up for him, which feels like the medicine. It's not so contracted or demanding or controlling, it's it's more spacious, there's more love. But but generally speaking, I'm noticing everything from my end is coming from a loving place. So the action I am taking is being supported by that love that I feel for him, and so it that inadvertently takes takes the wholeness of the relationship, the body of the relationship, and places it within a container that is breathable, flexible, moving, you know, and ever evolving so that we are continuously growing. But it wasn't like it's been about eight months, we've known each other for longer than that, but I would say that I didn't have the the the honeymoon phase that fizzled out, which is what we mostly hear about. Um, I would say it's starting to form itself right now, and it's not about the uh crazy adventure or wild experiences, it's about what happens when he returns home from work and what it feels like when we are cooking together in the kitchen and falling asleep together in a puddle, you know, face to face in bed, and waking up all tangled up in the middle of the night. And just so you know, and this is probably on one of my episodes before, I met my now boyfriend and said, I don't sleep in the same bed as my partner. I was quite adamant about it. In fact, I said maybe there's an 80-20 rule that I can do. And he listened to me. He was like, Okay, yeah, right. Yeah, right. This is not happening. I couldn't believe it. There was no way that I could maintain my energy or pursue my life in the way that I wanted to. It was an energetic thing. I wanted to be able to digest and process my own emotions in bed, and like that's understandable. Like, I get that. I'm I'm working so intimately with people, their bodies, the collective field, their psyches, the collective psyche. Of course, I want to digest and process this information on my own. But I thought that it was the only way, and so finding myself blending in uh to his world, his body, you know, while sleeping has been quite interesting. Like noticing how settled I feel in my experience without feeling so thrown off by his. But just acknowledging and honoring who he is as a person without uh feeling like he is going to take away my life, take away everything that I've worked so hard for. Like that is a state of survival, isn't it? And that's that's how I I entered this relationship and actually every other relationship. I I didn't want anyone to take anything away from me, including the man that was showing up in my life. But more importantly, I want to tell you why I feel my relationship is going really well for my body. Um, I'm not responding from a state of of survival or needing to control him. And there's not, you know, I can tell you all day that, oh, just don't micromanage your partner. Just let them breathe, let them be who they are in themselves. It's a lot a lot easier said than done. This is a natural organic experience that comes from our cellular cells, right? It's an intelligence. If I'm holding on to tension, I'm going to be directing it to them. Um, it's not easy to refrain from if it's not natural. And so what's helping this feel natural and organic is through the somatic experience, which means I'm able to be aware of the subtleties that live in the moment, the different flavors, the different textures. I'm able to be present to feelings and emotions that are new without being pulled out of the experience. I'm able to stay present into the moment. And if I'm really of the moment, then I'm going to be aware that nothing is ever the same, right? Everything is unfamiliar if you really are paying attention. There's a newness that is constantly emerging. Um, if we are skilled to stay within the moment as it is, without needing to constantly change it, change it or fix it or control it. Within all scenarios, not just within relationships. And in my own practice as a therapist, a somatic therapist, I've slowly evolved my own way of being in this way. And sometimes I don't get it, but I I I'm I'm feeling the just just how palpable these moments are. Like, wow, I'm really in this experience as it is. Wow. I'm not here to manipulate it. And even as a people pleaser, someone who's always looking to please someone else so that they remain connected and that they love me, I can tell you I was the master manipulator to make sure that you could see me and validate me. But now it's different. Now it feels that I'm not manipulating the moment and rather and instead more so experiencing it. And I'm learning that in the experience, if I can actually remain there, I'll never be bored. There's always a newness, always something different unfolding. Um, a place to be even more connected and intimate with each other and with my myself. So yeah, I feel like I've become naturally more acquainted, a better navigator of the present moment. And I'm watching it deeply affect my relationship and the progress of it. Now, listen, I am out of a marriage, a relationship that was over a decade, and so believe me, I understand what it feels like to move through the like the seven-year itch and to go through many cycles together. I I really know how it feels to journey through the many seasons of relationship and marriage, and it's not easy. 100% it's it's not easy, and I chose to end the relationship just because I loved him so deeply, because I loved myself so deeply, and it felt like the end of our time together, and it wasn't as though it was a painful decision, it was an honoring, it was a I love you so much, and we've been through so much together, and it's been everything that I know we've both needed. Thank you for the experience itself, and now it's time to close this chapter, this contract, with ease and grace and and love. And so now when I'm moving into this new new chapter with somebody else, I I'm quite serious about setting it up differently. Like I'm in this setting up phase, yeah. It's not that long that we've been together, but there are feelings and sensations I have not touched ever in my life. And it is sourced from being with what is versus what I want it to be. And also it's being with him as he is versus who I want him to be. Same as being with myself as I am versus who I want myself to be. There's a real appreciation for the flavors and textures that are here and a softening in my own system that allows me to deepen into that. That just gives me a an um an it gives me access to my rich inner world. Life feels rich. It's not perfect, it's not that everything is like happening in the way I had hoped. It feels rich. I can feel all of it, all of us, who we're becoming, what's blossoming and what's changing, and it's just a place of awe and wonder. And so I've been sitting with this whole Somatics for couples course and like just playing with the essence of this work and what it means and what's the point, and really this is this is it. If we're gonna be with one person for a majority of our our days and and maybe our lives, and maybe it's a shorter period, this work becomes so significant and necessary. It takes us out of that automated response, and just doing the same damn dance and never letting new information, wisdom evolve, never allowing for things to reform, or giving any room, an environment for new wisdom to surface, new action to be taken, because we're so caught up in what we've decided this is. We've analyzed it, we've looked up all of the different um frameworks and theories about relationships, we've tried to make it into something that we think is right for our perspective. Like we, you know, we want to to fuel what we know, what we believe is right or or or wrong, and we miss out on what's in between all of that, and that is just to experience the moment as it is, to become more detailed in how we be with each other. And I feel so strongly about this within our relationships and also within life. Instead of needing to take it take every moment with a hatchet to to interpret it through the mind to say this is how it needs to be for me because this is what happened to me. It's more so about this is a new experience. What am I here to see and feel? And in that, this is my becoming. And that's the honor of being alive and in relationships. There's there's a a becoming because a body in front of you is contributing through this mirror, this reflection, this lens so that you can see yourself and who you are, how you're being and what's happening in your body, in your experience. So we take this seriously. And we become in reverence to this process at a baseline. Like if we are not in devotion to this process right here, then we've missed the whole point, and we'll find ourselves in similar stories, similar dynamics, similar places with the same kind of people and wondering why things won't change. Now I'm gonna tell you all about this way of perceiving and believing in relationships and like what's possible. I'm playing with it in real time, like this is my life's work. I'm so excited to share all that is happening and what's what's possible, the opportunities that live within the ecosematic lens for relationships. And I want you to join. It's only $400, and why it's so cheap is because it's a beta course. This is the first time I'm delivering this information based on case studies that I've been doing. And I'm gonna share this with you to support you, to guide you, to expand your periphery around relationships. So, again, like just go into the description and click the link and join us. We start July 1st, 6 p.m. Sydney time to 8 p.m. Just two hour calls once a month, uh, super easy and digestible. And my hope is to bring this work out into the world. Right? Anyway, I'm sending you so much love wherever you are. Thank you for listening. Have a beautiful day. Um, I'll see you in the next episode.