Motor City Hypnotist
Motor City Hypnotist
Friendship in Relationships, Part 2
Friendship in Relationships, Part 2, Show Notes
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast, we are discussing friendships in relationships.
And I’m also going to be giving listeners a FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE! Stay tuned!
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
Text the word “hypnosis” to 313-800-8510
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
WINNER OF THE WEEK: NFL Running Back Makes 218 Single Parents New Homeowners With Collaborative Charity
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/this-nfl-running-back-has-made-218-single-parents-new-homeowners-with-collaborative-charity/
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
Most romantic relationships start as friendships, study finds
Contrary to the popular perception that love typically sparks from passion, a new study finds two-thirds of romantic relationships begin as long-term friendships.
Ways to Strengthen Your Friendship With Your Partner
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
Friedrich Nietzsche
The question of whether a man and a woman, or any two individuals who may be attracted to each other, can maintain a purely platonic friendship is a common one. While it is possible for individuals of opposite sexes to have genuine friendships without romantic involvement, various factors can influence the dynamic of such relationships. Personal boundaries, mutual respect, and effective communication are vital in fostering an environment where friendship can thrive without romantic complications. Throughout history, the importance of friendship in a relationship has been a topic of ongoing discussion. However, it is widely agreed that having a strong foundation of friendship is crucial for the long-term success and longevity of any romantic partnership.
Why Friendship in a Relationship Matters
The topic of friendship between men and women has been discussed for a long time. Different people hold different opinions on whether they can simply be friends or not. In truth, there is no definitive answer to this question. It ultimately varies based on the individuals involved and the specific circumstances at hand.
Friendship plays a significant role in sustaining long-term relationships. Whether it's a marriage or any other committed partnership, investing effort in nurturing and strengthening the friendship aspect is crucial for longevity. Building a strong foundation of friendship is key to making the relationship endure over time.
Friendship plays a pivotal role in building strong and fulfilling relationships. According to research, having a high-quality friendship within a marriage is not only crucial, but it also serves as an important indicator of both romantic and
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
(Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!)
Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast. We've been talking about relationships for quite a while, but we've been kind of diving deeper into some categories. So we are finishing up on the friendship part of things and then, the episode after just to kind of keep you kind of wanting more we're going to talk about how to get fulfillment in a relationship Fulfillment, fulfillment, all right, so. So, yeah, we're going to finish up. We're still, we're still hitting relationships hard because I'm, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I. I was just, for an example, working with a family a couple of weeks ago and the techniques are the same as working with a couple. It's all communication, it's all respect, it's all you know having friendships and boundaries and respect and and and. It all works the same. It really doesn't matter what the relationship is. So, yeah, we're going to do that and, as usual, we'll give away some free stuff we always do. All right, we'll be right back folks.
Speaker 2:Get ready for the Motor City Hypnotist, David R Wright. Originating from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan, he has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and he's the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome the Motor City Hypnotist, David R Wright.
Speaker 1:What is going on, my friends? It is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist. We are back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast. Hey, Dave, hey.
Speaker 4:Matt, I got to tell you. We're going to be getting into a lot of things today and I think the bottom line that I have taken away from all these past episodes is communication. You have to be able, and communicating is hard, and for some people, trying to verbalize their feelings makes it that much more difficult.
Speaker 1:It is difficult for some people, and I'll generalize here. This is where a stereotype sometimes comes to be, but men typically have a harder time expressing themselves.
Speaker 4:I'm not an expressive, I'm a very expressive person, but it's the vernacular. How do I say this without coming across as a dickhead or a narcissist or whatever?
Speaker 1:This goes back to the whole famous book Women. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It's just like we're different creatures. We have different ways of communicating, and I know that's a generalization, but that's what I found practicing for 30 years. That's typically how it goes, and you have to find ways to communicate with each other.
Speaker 4:So that's an important part of it. I'm looking forward to the next couple of episodes to just kind of understand where you're coming from. And I'm not going to share a lot because the past few episodes I've shared quite a bit.
Speaker 1:You can share as much as you want. I'm sure you are Share away, but I don't feel bad about it. You can do it live, matt. Well, do it live, fuck it. Do it live. I can go out and write it and we'll do it live Fucking things. It sucks.
Speaker 4:But yeah, I'm really interested in learning and listening to what you have to say over the next couple of episodes.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 4:Where can people find you, man?
Speaker 1:Well, let me tell you first we're in the podcast your Voice, southfield Studios. That's number one and a plug for Podcast your Voice. I just sat in on the last half of the man Cave Happy Hour podcast.
Speaker 4:We experienced a caribou crossing.
Speaker 1:Caribou crossing, which I enjoyed.
Speaker 4:If neat, I enjoyed it, I didn't try it on the rocks it's part of the Sazerac family, but it's actually a caribou crossing, is from Canada and if you don't know the history of prohibition, actually Canada went through their own version of prohibition called Temperance. It was the Temperance Act, the Scott Act, in 1878. And they actually went through all of it.
Speaker 1:Look at the big brain on Matt.
Speaker 4:They went through all of that before the US even got into their own prohibition, so they're fucking places are you talking about?
Speaker 3:It's all alcohol based.
Speaker 4:So the Scott Act actually banned the sale of alcohol. Consumption of alcohol 100%.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 4:Yeah, in Canada and a lot of province.
Speaker 1:So when did they come around? Like compared to our prohibition period.
Speaker 4:Is it much? Later than us it was no, it was actually before our prohibition.
Speaker 1:Well, imagine that, yeah, canada's ahead of us, yeah.
Speaker 4:Which is kind of because prohibition in the US started. I want to say 1920. And I believe by 1917, they had already gone through their issues their thing.
Speaker 1:Okay, so anyway, but yeah happy hour. Our podcast, your voice. We're here in the Southfield Palatial, southfield Studios. You can see we, we're. We got a setup here, man. We got the, we got some curtains and some blue lights going on. We got to dress up, man. It's like pillow talk it pillow talk with Alan oh.
Speaker 3:Man, I gotta tell you this story. Let's go back.
Speaker 1:I actually won a dozen roses when I called into pillow talk Did you really the day. Yes, talk to Alan. Oh, and were you married at the time? No, I was not. I was single at the time. And I just called into pillow talk and I got one dozen roses. And who'd you give it to? I kept them. You know I mean what am I going to?
Speaker 4:enjoy Anybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, enjoy a nice bath. You know, I just brought them home, set them on my table and like all right, I was living in an apartment at the time, so it's like all right, I'm going to bring them to the place, sure. Well, not, you know so.
Speaker 4:With your Kathy Ireland poster behind it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the funny thing is I do this, I call in it's live. You know so well. It's like a 20 second delay or whatever it is on radio.
Speaker 3:But you know, I have not Did you record it.
Speaker 1:No, but all of a sudden I got like four or five phone calls from friends. They're like oh my God, I just heard you on pillow talk.
Speaker 4:I can only imagine how that hold on, hold on.
Speaker 3:I can only imagine how that sounded because Alan Alder had had the best voice.
Speaker 4:He was so he was so so smooth, buttery smooth. And then you come in. Hi, my name is David Amary.
Speaker 1:That's about it.
Speaker 2:I'm very important.
Speaker 4:I have many leather bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany, so yeah, I could just, I could just imagine how the Congress that's one of my claims to fame.
Speaker 1:The other one? I don't know if you're we're Facebook friends, but I don't know. I reposted memory from three years ago when I was an extra in an Aaron Paul movie. No, I just posted it in my Facebook page today as a memory. Aaron Paul from Breaking.
Speaker 4:Bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what movie would he do? It's called Adam, I believe. It's on Hulu. Maybe Netflix Didn't get quite the attention that was in the time, didn't quite get the attention it deserved.
Speaker 4:I think that was right before he was in Westworld.
Speaker 1:Yes, after Breaking Bad, right before Westworld, and he played a. In fact, it was based on a true story of a guy that I was acquaintances with, that I knew from Quicken Loans back in the day, and he was a banker and he got paralyzed in a diving accident and then had to readjust and learn how to live.
Speaker 1:So in this movie I'm an extra on the sidewalk and Aaron Paul's. He's crossing the street with his dog. He lets his dog run across to the girl. I forgot who the girl is Shannon Lucho, I have no idea. You've never seen that. She was in the actress and she, the dog, runs up to her and he comes across the street and as he's tying his dog to the bench, I walk right in frame like right past him walking down the street. Did you see me? Yeah, Did you see me?
Speaker 3:It's like three seconds, Did you see me? But I'm like there.
Speaker 1:I am so, anyway, that's why Heather claimed to fame. So let me, let's get back on topic, folks, let me tell you where you can find me my website is MotorCityHypnotistcom. You can check me out on Facebook. And yeah, see me in the movie Adam, when he drives up to the coffee shop and parks his car and his dog runs out. Look for me.
Speaker 1:I'm crossing, crossing right in front of your screen, right, your movie. Yep, absolutely Go on. Yeah, motorcityhypnotistcom, check it out. I'm in the process of actually uploading all of our show notes. I'm doing it there, I'm sending them to Jamie, but that's, that's another story. But but uploading all the back cut catalog of all of our show notes going back to episode one, wow, it's an, it's an undertaking.
Speaker 1:It is, but. But if you, if you go on the website, you'll be able to to click on any of the show notes. All right, all right, okay, find me on social media. Facebook and YouTube are both Motor City Hypnotist, and on Instagram and Snapchat, which are Motor City Hypno. H-y-p-n-o. Love it. And for your free Hypnosis guide text, the word Hypnosis to 313-800-8510. That's new. That is new. Again, it's 313-800-8510. That number will be in the show notes as well. So just text the word Hypnosis there. You're going to get a text, probably within a few minutes. It will probably ask you to leave a review, stuff like that, but just click the link that's there and you can download your free Hypnosis guide.
Speaker 4:I love that.
Speaker 1:And the other thing I wanted to bring up and I haven't brought it up recently is that if you go to our and you can access the clinic site also from my website. Our clinic site is counselingandtherapyassociatescom. On that website, if you scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you can download your free guide to combat anxiety. It's an anxiety handbook, is what it's called. It's a free, free download, absolutely free. You just put in your name and email and that will get sent to you as well.
Speaker 4:Is there a link to lovers lane on there?
Speaker 1:There's not yet All right. It'll probably become an affiliate. I may start promoting things.
Speaker 3:We're talking to intimacy here. So yeah, we are.
Speaker 1:We're talking relationships and things that go with that. So so yeah, motorcityhymnotistcom or counselingandtherapyassociatescom, you can get that free anxiety handbook. And here's the thing folks, a lot of people, I'm telling you, almost everybody I'm working with right now has some level of anxiety that they're dealing with and struggling with. An anxiety is simply a your body's reaction to stress. That's exactly what it is, and I've said this and I'm going to hit on this real quick you can't have zero anxiety. You wouldn't survive without some level of anxiety.
Speaker 4:I will share something with you after we get through a few things.
Speaker 1:Okay, sure, absolutely so. So the problem is when anxiety takes over and it becomes uncontrollable, and that's what this handbook will help you address. So check that out as well. All right, folks, it is time, here we go.
Speaker 3:That's how we did it is done.
Speaker 4:Man, how many cameras are on me right now? Holy crap, why do you have one? They add 10 pounds of camera, jesus.
Speaker 1:I thought the lights were dimmed. It might not be able to see it. Of course I'm not standing up either, though. Yeah. I'm you know I'm not showing anything from here down. There we go. All right, you might have to suck it in, all right. So who's our winner of the week? Our winner of the week is a former NFL running back. Now you think, okay, what would a former NFL running back do?
Speaker 4:Is it like heart.
Speaker 1:No, it is not All right. I'll give you a hint. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, big for years, oh shoot, okay, go on. A former NFL great recently surprised a single mother and her daughter with a brand new home in Baton Rouge, louisiana. Wow, but it was just one of 217 other homes that Warwick Dunn has managed to work done.
Speaker 3:Wow, that's gone bad, that is, that is going back.
Speaker 1:Yes, the collaborative effort by Warwick Dunn charities, habitat for Humanity and Catholic High School, where Dunn himself graduated and graduated, saw the house built, furnished and stocked with food. Dominique and Miracle, single mother, first time homeowner I think it's important to help change the community and the environment, create stability for a family that could potentially have good, long term positive impacts, dunn said, of course, upon returning to his hometown to welcome the family. Catholic High School raised $85,000 for the house. A new home, a new, fresh start, a new beginning. I'm totally blessed, said Dominique after walking into the new home for the first time, worried dreadfully about her makeup running for all the crying she knew she'd be doing. Sheets were already on the beds and food was already in the fridge. My goodness, the mortgage was there on the dinner table for signing, with Dunn's charity alongside it to help with the down payment check.
Speaker 4:So she she actually bought the home with her own mortgage after he built it. Do I understand that?
Speaker 1:I believe so but but they are, they are financially supporting her. So there's a mortgage, but I think they're paying it. Okay, from what I get from the story, I'm just trying to understand that that drafted by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 97.
Speaker 1:Dunn launched homes for the holidays to honor his late mother's dream of owning her own home. That same year, an extremely consistent performer in 12 seasons done, missed only 10 games, made the Pro Bowl team on three occasions in an all but two seasons accumulated over 1000 all purpose yards for the Buccaneers and the Falcons. When he retired he ranked 14th in NFL history for all purpose yards. Good for him.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so okay. So, yes, he had a fantastic NFL career, but what you have to understand is that the work that these players put into their communities during their career and after their career, that's what speaks volumes about the characters of these people.
Speaker 1:Well, and here's the thing, and, believe me, this is a great thing and I'm not downplaying this at all. In fact, this is probably an outlier. Think there are probably 55 to 60 players on every roster of ever NFL team 53. 53.
Speaker 4:Yes, and then you have your practice squad yes, so how many?
Speaker 1:and there are lots. There are lots of players who create these charities and help out and and involved in the community and helping out. You know, I would say it's a minority of the entire NFL.
Speaker 4:It kind of is, but you also got to remember that they're they're business people Right, a lot of these players they go to school for business, some do. Yeah, and this is not to take anything away from work done in any way, shape or form. But this is a form of his legacy, which is also somewhat of a tax write off. Well, that could be too, but it's just him building his portfolio to leave a legacy for other people.
Speaker 1:Well, and that's what's so important, that's the kind of selfless thing about it. Yes, there are advantages to doing this, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1:But yeah, but I'm just looking at, yes, yes, helping people is just a big thing and I know a lot of these players are into things in very community driven and helping people love it. In 2005, dunn was presented with the Walter Payton man of the Year Award. This award is the only NFL award that recognizes a player for his community service as well, for his ex, is excellence on the field. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, dunn challenged all NFL players, except for those who play for the New Orleans Saints, to donate at least 5000 to the effort. The effort received over $5 million in contributions. Yeah, they could afford it. Well, and he's, he was, he's saying, except for the Saints, because that's where that's where it happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he didn't you know he didn't ask them to do anything. They were doing their own right. According to Dunn's website, which has become the home of all three of his charitable organizations, the program partners with local community organizations to reduce the burden on new single parent homeowners by fully furnishing their new house, providing down payment, assistant checks and stocking the pantry with food. So that clarifies, should we'll have to make payments on the house. But they built it, they put the down payment down, they furnished it, they stopped it with food Right.
Speaker 4:So that is that it's huge that that's huge. That's worth more than the down payment to right furbish stock of pantry. Yeah, you know what? That? That that takes a a heavy weight off of a single parent shoulders.
Speaker 1:I mean and I don't. It's been a long time and I remember when I moved out of my house for the first time at 18 to live on my own. Well, I went to school, but after school, you know, I moved into my own place, my own apartment, and just what I had to invest? Just in ramen noodles alone.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying as far as like for condiments like ketchup, you know, mustard, mayo, just stuff, ice trays, I mean stuff you wouldn't even think about, and how much money you have to put in just to get things set up, yeah, to even do anything. Spices.
Speaker 4:Who doesn't have? Who doesn't have an ice cream scoop?
Speaker 1:Okay, Well, that yeah silverware plates a pizza pans. Yeah. You know, and again, spices, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's quite fun. It stings the nostrils, what the hell are you cooking?
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes it does, you know, you're red pepper and sometimes will sting the nostrils.
Speaker 3:No, you've had your limit today. You drink water so, but sometimes say so.
Speaker 4:thank you for sharing. You know worked on story Absolutely and the winner of the week.
Speaker 1:It's a good story and it's it's again. It's just it's. It's always nice to have again. That's why we do this winter of the week. It's just people doing nice things and helping other people and just being kind. So that is really the big thing.
Speaker 4:So you knew, up and comer NFL elites pay attention to what your, your predecessors, have done, that are doing, because you know there's a lot of negativity around. You know, right, and these some of the players, and how they treat individuals.
Speaker 1:You know, what?
Speaker 4:Take note and keep, and just don't be stupid, yeah, don't be an ass, don't be an asshole yeah. All right.
Speaker 2:What are you people? Don't know if they are but they're no longer playing.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. Work done. Our winner of the week.
Speaker 3:That's how we did it is done.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, it is. That is good. So back to it. So back to it. Yeah, we're talking about relationships. We're delving deep in many of these categories. Honestly, matt, that was a great suggestion you had a few weeks back. Let's get a little bit deeper into each of these categories that we went through, because I think it's helps, and we're going to give you tools and things that you can do to help with a lot of these things.
Speaker 4:That's why I'm very interested in learning about some of these tips, so go on.
Speaker 1:So so we're, we're we're ending our section on friendship today. I know we got a little sidetracked a couple episodes ago with the, with our friends from A&V Liquor. That was like a top, but that was a fun. That was a fun episode. That was a top 10 episode. Oh yeah, absolutely it was. So we're talking about having a relationship. That's also a friendship, and I want to remind you I ended the last episode with this quote from Nietzsche. Remember that I do.
Speaker 1:It is not lack of love, but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages Right, and I have seen this time and time again over the years. I'll have couples come into my office and they can't stand each other. They'll both say, oh, I love her, I love him, but they do not like each other. There's, there's no friendship there whatsoever, Nope, so. So friendship and relationships really go hand in hand. That they're, they're interconnected in a very meaningful way, and you can't I don't think you can have an effective relationship without it being a friendship also. So studies have highlighted having high quality friendships within a marriage is really going to give you the optimal outcome.
Speaker 4:A lot of folks will look at marriage as the end of a friendship, because now they're married.
Speaker 1:I've heard that, see, but I don't. I do. Yeah, I've heard that too, and it doesn't make sense to me because, yes, it's a different relationship, but you don't eliminate the friendship, you don't cut that because you're married.
Speaker 4:And that's where the they no longer are friends. They look at their relationship differently. No, you're still the same people. You just have a lifetime obligation to that person out. That doesn't mean you don't make your friendship stronger. Yeah right, right and that and that. That's what I've seen in the past, where they have, like, the whole mentality of the relationship changes when they see and that Words yes, yes and, and that does happen and I understand it.
Speaker 1:And let me, let me, let me hit you with this and I'm just gonna give you some logical rationale behind the idea that couples who are friends have a much better relationships. Because here's the thing when you have a friend, what do you enjoy doing with them? Hey, you know, hanging out, you like the same things. Or or you find commonality with your friends. Right, you enjoy spending time together, you have fun, you joke around, you laugh, and Some people think that you're right, matt. When they say I do, it's like, oh, this is, I have to do this now. Right, I'm stuck, it's an obligation. It's an obligation at that point and the thing is Sounds so stupid. But if you're married to somebody, don't you want to spend time with them?
Speaker 1:Well, you kind of signed up for it Well that's kind of the point and and that's what I see in a lot of relationships over the years is that I see couples and it's like they, they don't want to be near each other. They just they just don't want to have anything to do with each other and it's like an obligation that they have to be there. And I've heard this, I've heard it a hundred times and I'm gonna squash this argument right now. All right that we're staying together just for the kids. Okay.
Speaker 4:It takes a really it's a very tough decision to not do that, because then your kids have two different homes and they may do different sets of parents. And like what are you subjecting the kids to Normal? And it's goes to the back, to the word normal. What is it?
Speaker 1:Well, see, normal doesn't exist, and it doesn't because you have kids that have mixed homes right over and over, absolutely, and, and I'll say this, and, and, and I've said it to clients and I'll continue saying it If you're in a Toxic or dysfunctional relationship and you're staying together just for the kids, it's not helping them. No, because they're not seeing an example of a good marital relationship, which will affect them when they start dating and meeting other people.
Speaker 4:I actually have the other side of that, yeah, where I, I, my ex and I we did stay together because of the kids, but our marriage fell apart after they left. Okay, our marriage was fine until after the kids left, mm-hmm, so we didn't have the staying together for the kids thing. Right, right right. We wanted a social life, I wanted a social. You wanted to go out and do her thing and she didn't.
Speaker 4:Yeah yeah, so I'm too busy between my three jobs that I had Uh-huh and I wasn't paid enough attention to her right and what she her needs were. But I was. She just didn't see how I was doing. Yes, she didn't agree with right anyways.
Speaker 1:So so the big thing is is that that you need to be friends with your partner? That really is is the thing that brings you safety and security and happiness. I mean, like I said, when you hang out with your friends, I, when I talk to people, I say who are your best friends and what do you do with them? And people like light up, they get happy, they're like, oh, we have such a good time, I have such good friends. They're caring, they're always there, they support me. I Would hope you would say the same thing about your partner. I would hope, but that doesn't happen much of the time. That's what the capital H? Yep. So the big thing is, if you and your significant other, your partner, haven't prioritized friendship, it's important that that you do that now. I'm not saying there are a lot of relationships that can be romantic and physical and sexual without a friendship, but but eventually that that is not going to work long term. No, it doesn't help.
Speaker 4:You can. You can put your your best college effort forward, right, but but it really takes the, the commitment and that to understand the word obligation, mm-hmm and.
Speaker 1:And, honestly, if your friends, it won't feel like an obligation. That's the whole point. I love it. It won't feel like a chore. It won't feel like you have to do it because with friends you want to do it. Mm-hmm, that's the whole key. And and I've, I've seen so many couples they're like, you know, just whining and it's like you should want to do this, mm-hmm, this should make you happy. That's why.
Speaker 4:I'm. That's why I'm so excited about my present relationship. Uh-huh, because we we have a very strong friendship. Yeah, you do and it, just it speaks volumes. It's a very different feeling as to what I had already experienced in a marriage, but knowing that I have a friend in life, mm-hmm is very very different, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna give you some tips to maintain friendship in a relationship. Okay, that sounds very counterintuitive or kind of odd in a way, because but but really, like I said, you can have a relationship and not be friends and that's never gonna work out. Well, it's so good. What's number one is make time. I hate to use this analogy, but but you know, if you garden or do anything like that, it takes time, it takes effort. You have to water it, you have to nurture it for it to grow. That's the same thing in a relationship.
Speaker 4:If any idea how therapeutic gardening is.
Speaker 1:For people who love it. It is great.
Speaker 4:It's so therapeutic I want you to do it with a friend, yeah, or your partner would have you.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, that much more therapeutic because you're doing it together, yeah, together, yeah, sidebar, I'm ready. I think I have one or two, but it didn't. It didn't grow the way I wanted it to. I only got two peppers out of it. But I have a ghost pepper plant. Oh boy, that produced two peppers. Okay, and I'm gonna try them at some point. That's all you need.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, I had one year where I had Okay, let's go on a quick sidebar. One year I had Probably eight to ten scorpion Trinidad scorpion peppers what the hell are you doing to yourself? And I tried one. Uh-huh, I spent 15 minutes over the sink just drooling because it hurt to swallow.
Speaker 4:meanwhile, yeah, your bride is over there. Just laugh at her.
Speaker 1:She wasn't even home when I did it, my son and I were home.
Speaker 4:She's still laughing.
Speaker 3:Oh no, she's like you're an idiot but?
Speaker 1:but here's the funny part. We have a bowl of them. They're on the windowsill. There's like eight or ten of them. I Notice these peppers are gone. My son took, took a couple of them to school. Of course he gave them to friends. Of course he did because that's what friends do. I get a call from the vice principal middle of the day. Mr Wright Got an issue with Ethan here Said do you, do you have some hot peppers at home? I'm like, oh crap, oh Boy.
Speaker 4:You know, what I dare you to eat. This, and that's where it started.
Speaker 1:I absolutely. And yeah, and two kids took the bait and two kids were in the nurse's office. Just suffering of fools, folly, drinking milk like no one other.
Speaker 3:No, you've had your limit today. You drink water.
Speaker 4:No, don't write.
Speaker 1:What's number two. So make time is the big time. Here's the thing. I know this is difficult, especially with younger kids. It's like when do we have time? We never have time alone. The kids are always there. But here's the thing If it's important, you will make time.
Speaker 1:And I say this to couples all the time. I'm like what time do your kids go to bed? Oh, I don't know, maybe eight, nine, 10. It just depends on. No, have a bedtime Nine o'clock. They're in bed. You have two hours alone with your partner Play Scrabble, watch TV, play video games, whatever you enjoy to do together. But make that a priority, because a lot of times and unfortunately this is the case, I know it's difficult, I was a parent, I am a parent it's difficult to arrange your time. The kids usually take priority at that age and you forget about each other Because the kids again, at that age they become number one. But you need to make time, even if you need to schedule it and I've said this to clients over and over again schedule a date night, make arrangements, do it at least once every week, at the most every couple of weeks, just to have a couple of hours to yourselves, to just get out and do something, you know what.
Speaker 4:And as your kids get older, david, they might be in their early teens. That's an okay age in my mind. I was 11, 12 years old. Being left at home alone, oh yeah absolutely Right. But it's okay to take a couple of hours and go out to dinner with your spouse and what have you? It's okay to leave the kids at home because you've raised them and then you need to. I hate to use the analogy Take your, take the mouth off the tip yeah no, absolutely. You got to let them figure things out.
Speaker 4:And what you say that.
Speaker 3:Sexy time Shut up. That's not sexy time.
Speaker 4:No, but I'm just saying you have to be able to trust in how you've raised your kids. Trust them to be home alone and make good decisions. I'll tell you this they won't. No, no, I mean there will be times that they're going to make a poor choice or a poor decision, but you know what there's and I love this because my partner says this all the time there's no lesson like life, yep.
Speaker 1:And I've used this. Here's the thing Parents want. They want the best for their kids. They do and they will. Sometimes they will do everything to make that decision, everything to make that happen. But at some point you need to let your kids fail yeah, now, I'm not saying fail as far as anything that's life threatening or life changing. Let them make mistakes, yep, let them. Let them learn that. Okay, oh, if I do this, this is the outcome. They, that they, you have to let them learn that Right. So make times number one. Second one is find common ground, find interest. You like, do activities together, things that you both enjoy, even if it's a TV show that you both enjoy. That sounds so stupid, but if you're both into a show, it's like oh, we're into this, let's watch it together. Oh, what do you think? What do you think is going to happen? It just brings that common bond, yeah, a hobby or an interest that you can share together. In fact, sometimes just scheduled to do something new together, like, oh, we've never been ice skating, let's go do that.
Speaker 4:I'm going to share with something with you. Yeah, on the next episode.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 4:I've got my partner and I have decided to do because we love trying new things, so I will share that with you in the next episode.
Speaker 1:Just so you know it's not anything of a sexual nature.
Speaker 4:I know it is not, it is not communication.
Speaker 1:It's always the big one. This is the fallback, and I could hit on this for an hour just by itself. You have to have good communication. It's crucial. If you're not talking, if you're not expressing how you're feeling, if you're not addressing underlying anger and frustration, they're going to be problems.
Speaker 4:So there's a part of that where you're communicating very, very well and something may happen where one of the parties shuts down, and that is where your friendship takes over.
Speaker 1:Yes, well, it's where it should take over. Yes, ideally, Ideally.
Speaker 4:I would say the shutting down of one of the parties. That's not telling, that's just really sharing and showing that that individual has a problem. Yes, and they're not quite sure how to verbalize or how to they don't have the vernacular as to show and share how they are feeling about that Right, right, because they shut down.
Speaker 1:They want to share because they're afraid of being judged or criticized or contradicted for whatever reason. But here's the thing Communication, just like we said, make time, make the communication part of that time. Whether you're going out doing gardening or walking or going to dinner. Don't talk about work, don't talk about the kids. Talk about your relationship. Use that time when you're together, and that way you get two things at once.
Speaker 4:That's incredible advice because a lot of couples will get into a how was your day? What?
Speaker 3:did you do?
Speaker 4:No, no, no. Let's plan for our next vacation together. Let's talk about that family ordeal.
Speaker 1:Or let me give you this open end of thing that will just start a conversation. Hey, how are you in the relationship right now? Is there anything that's frustrating you?
Speaker 4:That's just tearing the band-aid off right there.
Speaker 1:But I think that's important to address that, to say, hey, this is time for us to talk. We want to make sure we're on a good ground and that everything is good.
Speaker 4:So that's a big thing. You don't want to lay any groundwork, you just want to rip, just go right into it.
Speaker 1:Talk about it. That's what that time is for. And again, consider it a friend. You would do that with friends. You wouldn't dick around and try to guess what's going on, you just talk about it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, the guessing game is no fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah right.
Speaker 3:I ain't listening to you, no more.
Speaker 1:And then the other thing is see your partner for who they are. Now, when I say this, it's that people have characteristics and sometimes, even if you're married or you're together with somebody, not every single characteristic is going to be like oh, I love that. Somebody might be a little bit OCD and somebody might not be, but that's what they enjoy. So it's not something that you have to be critical of or be like oh geez, it's just understanding that you're just going to have different traits and different habits and different thoughts and feelings about things. Now, to a deeper extent, if you're way on polar opposites, that could be a challenge. But again, I'm just saying see your partner for who they are, and you should be accepting.
Speaker 4:And what was that Paula Abdul song Opposites attract Was it. It was Paula Abdul Right. I promise you that.
Speaker 1:Okay, good, yeah, sometimes, sometimes that happens. So let me give you some just things and this will be just a fun thing. It's called the question game and when you're with your partner next time, when you're out and about and you have a long time, just go through the question game. And, in fact, kendra and I did this not too long ago and it was funny because we're like what I never knew, that we're married like 27 years.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 1:So just just ask questions. What's my favorite color we talked about this, yes. What's my favorite food? What's my favorite movie? Who's my favorite actor? What's my favorite vacation? Where did I go to high school? What keeps me up at night? What's my life's purpose? What accomplishments am I proud of? But these are just questions, just to talk about each other, and that's part of building a friendship in a relationship. So all of these, this question game, all that will be in the show notes. So if you want to use that, I'm telling you it sounds simple and kind of corny but it works because you just start talking. You start talking about each other and how well you know each other. And sometimes I've been asked because I asked Kendra, the one that she was stumped on, and she'll probably respond- Amy, hey Amy.
Speaker 4:It's my sister Amy, yes, it is.
Speaker 1:Love you. But I asked Kendra what's my favorite color. She was like blue and I'm like no, she's like purple.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:I mean come on.
Speaker 4:What is your favorite color?
Speaker 1:Red. All right, yeah, so it's just something simple. But I'm like how do you not know this? We haven't married 27 years.
Speaker 4:What's my favorite color? David Blue, nope, puse, I'm like this is a black to match your heart.
Speaker 2:Down to the deep cockles of my heart. Yes, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast.
Speaker 4:No, that's actually an important thing to know, because what do you want to get them? A something, whether it be a jacket or a shirt.
Speaker 1:Right, I mean you need to kind of know what color. But see, here's the thing, I don't care. And again, this is the typical man response Get me whatever you want, I don't care. No, no, no, no, no no no, not for you, no, no, no.
Speaker 4:As a metrosexual male. No, no.
Speaker 3:As a metrosexual Like this in the background what the fuck is it? Metrosexual, asexual, call it what you want, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 4:It's all good.
Speaker 1:It's all good, but hey nice clothes gentlemen, I didn't know, the Salvation Army was having a sale Right.
Speaker 3:So what's going to happen in?
Speaker 4:our next episode. Our next episode.
Speaker 1:We're gonna. We're gonna move on from friendship and we're gonna start talking about fulfillment in relationships. Now this all plays together. All of these things overlap but but we're gonna do a deeper dive on fulfillment and what that really means in a relationship. So real quickly, just before we head out, let me give you our, our Detroit dog rescue. Our dog of the day, dog of the week dog of the week is summer. He's a Jack Russell shepherd mix, female be about 30, 40 pounds, so medium size, right, kid friendly, cat friendly, dog friendly. So he's good all the way around. And there is summer.
Speaker 4:Look at summer. That's such a pretty part. Look at that. Look at that.
Speaker 1:Tilt the tilt the head, you know. Oh so summer needs a home. Yep, detroit dog rescue, dog rescuecom it's, she's available. I just pulled this up today. She needs a home today. Perfect, check out summer on Detroit dog rescue. Thank you All right, folks, join us next episode when we start fulfillment in relationships and, as usual, wherever you're listening, whatever platform you're on, leave a review like, connect, subscribe, whatever it is on your platform, and honestly go to social media. Click on my Facebook, click on my my Instagram, click on my Snapchat, hop into my YouTube, click on all those things and just join us, because we got all kinds of stuff going on and it spreads across all kinds of platforms. That would help me out tremendously.
Speaker 4:Those of you on Facebook live, don't go anywhere, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1:Yep, Facebook live. People stick around for everyone else. Check your feed on the next Tuesday or Thursday for your next episode. If it's not there already, All right. Folks in the meantime, change your thinking, change your life, laugh hard, run fast, be kind. We will see you next time. You got pumpkin seeds over there. You got pumpkin seeds. Yeah, Every, every Halloween I get pumpkins just to get the seeds out.
Speaker 4:Yeah, people can hear you talking about this, you know.
Speaker 1:No, I know it's fine, but every Halloween I'll get pumpkin seeds.
Speaker 4:It's pumpkin seed season, I love pumpkin seeds Not always a pumpkin seed season. Yeah, it's shacket season.
Speaker 1:Do you like pumpkin spice stuff Like coffee? No. And that's the weirdest thing Really pumpkin seeds, but nothing else. Pumpkin huh.
Speaker 3:Correct, okay.
Speaker 4:All right, here we go, all right.
Speaker 1:In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast, we're continuing our series about relationships. We're going to talk about fulfillment. What does that mean? I don't know. Let's find out together. Stick around. We're going to talk about what fulfillment in a relationship means and, as usual, we'll give away a bunch of free stuff. Hang in there, folks, we will be right back.
Speaker 2:Get ready for the Motor City Hypnotist, david R Wright. Originating from the suburbs of Detroit, michigan, he has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome the Motor City Hypnotist, david R Wright.
Speaker 1:What is happening, my friends? It is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist. The one and only. We are back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast. Welcome back, Welcome back, Matt. That's Matt Fox, the other voice, you hear. He does everything behind the scenes, recording Facebook live um drink filler as you can see, I'm just really enjoying myself. Matt's kicking back and relaxing and, uh, he's doing having a good time.
Speaker 4:I just had to know.
Speaker 1:Hey, why not Be relaxed? You know, that's what this show is all about. I'm enjoying some four roses. By the way, oh, you are, yes, jealous. Cheers, cheers. Yeah, did you have not half? Or? Oh no, we didn't pour you a four.
Speaker 4:No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm uh. I've got a long week ahead of me and I don't want to uh, uh, jinx anything.
Speaker 1:It's just, it's just as much, man that's the name of my porno. That's what she said.
Speaker 3:You can't say that yeah, I can I don't know what we're yelling about.
Speaker 1:Sure, I can. We say it at home all the time, of course, yeah, so did you see that meme?
Speaker 4:I sent you. Yes, and it was a Samwise Gamgee. Yes, and it was a grocery store Potatoes, potatoes and potatoes boiled, mashem, stick them in a stew.
Speaker 1:One of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. I was going to send you something back and I got sidetracked. I saw a shirt on one of the one of the YouTube channels I bounce around on and he's got a shirt and it says potatoes and spelled out phonetically. And then there's box boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew. It's on a t-shirt, it's fantastic. I gotta I gotta find that or get one made. I think that would be fantastic. That's great.
Speaker 3:I'm listening to you know. No, it's hilarious.
Speaker 1:My son and I do this, ethan and I do this all the time, yeah.
Speaker 3:Every time we have Kendra loves you for it. She's.
Speaker 1:Kendra will tell you she hates.
Speaker 3:Lord of the.
Speaker 1:Rings. She's like just throw the ring in a fire, Be done with it. It doesn't have to be 10 hours of nonsense.
Speaker 4:I was going to say it only took 10 hours, right.
Speaker 1:Exactly Right. So so we're here in the podcast your voice, southfield Studios, hanging out doing a podcast. For those of you out there, I've unplugged this in a while. If you you're interested in doing a podcast, maybe you're thinking how do I do it? Well, where do I start? What do I do? Contact podcastyourvoicecom. You walk in here, you sit down, you record and you go home. You do have to, you know, send your show notes, which I you do.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I do.
Speaker 1:Eventually. Sometimes I get a little behind sometimes, but yeah, I can't get fired since it's my podcast.
Speaker 3:Clean up your desk.
Speaker 1:You're gone so but yeah, it's super easy that they handle everything. As far as everything getting posted to podcast, podcast platforms, you don't have to worry about any of that, right, you just talk and leave, that's it, but you but there's.
Speaker 4:There's more to it than that. I agree, and that's a other part of what podcastyourvoice does is the coaching. Yes, and helping folks to understand, though there there is a certain way of podcasting. However, most podcasts won't last the first 10 episodes. Yes, because there's no direction. Right, for someone to have a honest to goodness podcast, they need to have the proverbial shit together, yes, well and here's the other thing and I don't want to burst anybody's bubble You're not.
Speaker 1:You're not going to walk in here and do 10 or 20 episodes of Be a Joe Rogan. No, that's not going to happen, it's it's. It's about consistency, it's about building an audience, it's about having a relationship with your audience. That is what, how you build something up. You can talk about whatever you want there are podcasts about about sneakers.
Speaker 4:Yes, yes, Absolutely.
Speaker 1:There's a niche for whatever you want to talk about out there, correct, yes?
Speaker 4:But you just have to be able, like you said, to be able to connect, grow an audience and at least be able to and I keep using the word verbalize. But you have to have a, a vernacular to not just talk to a microphone, you have to be able to talk to everybody.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and you can't just meander about rambling and not get anywhere.
Speaker 4:So, and this is the last thing I'll leave you with, I, I went. I went through broadcasting school a long time ago, way back in 94.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 4:And one of the instructors. God love them. I still remember that. Remember this to this day is like when you're on a microphone. You got to be like you're going to the barbecue, yeah All right, so you have to be you have to be, you know, energetic and always just be be on when you're on a microphone good to be at the barbecue. You just can't go to the library.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, Well, well, and I've said this numerous times, folks, I, I do a mental health podcast. That's what this is about. And I've, I've, I've checked out, I've, I've, I've, I've listened to 100 other different podcasts about mental health and they all seem to be the same way. Hi there, this is, this is Julie, and you know, I'm sorry that you're in a shame spiral, but we want to fix that All right, Stop, stop stop it.
Speaker 4:Just stop it. Yes, I know, but, but to go back. You know we want to help folks to be, to actually have a good time doing a podcast.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely. That's the whole thing. Right, if you're not having fun, what's the point? Right, and here's the great thing. We're talking about mental health issues, some of them very serious, but but the whole thing is that that that if you take this dour, solemn, solemn approach, people are going to be like, oh my gosh, I can't listen to this. Right, you have to. You have to infuse some kind of enthusiasm for whatever you're talking about, because here's the thing, and and I'm not I'm sorry for the vernacular, but I'm not blowing myself here, but I've been practicing for 30 years.
Speaker 3:You know, I know some things.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:And I want to help people out there who want to help. That's the whole point of this.
Speaker 4:And this is just another way of outreach for you to help individuals.
Speaker 1:No, exactly. I mean, maybe you live in, you know, maybe you live in California or maybe you live in Germany and you can't visit me in my office, but at least I can get to you this way where something you can listen and take valuable information and implement it in your own life. That's the whole point. So, yeah, that's great, so so. So back to the original point. Yeah, if you have a podcast idea and you want to talk about something and you're really kind of excited about it, podcast your voice, that they will help, that you don't have to worry about anything, Just be yourself. Game on, Game on. Where could people? Let me tell you where you can find me.
Speaker 1:My website is MotorCityHitMentuscom. As I mentioned in the last episode, I'm reloading all of the show notes from all of our podcasts. Going back to episode one may take a while, but they will all be there so you can get it in one place. Now you can also find those show notes on your podcast platform wherever you're listening and wherever you're listening excuse me, wherever you're listening. Please connect, subscribe, apply, whatever you have to do to get connected to the podcast. That way you don't you don't have to look for it and the big thing is leave a review. I know people ask that. You know I've watched so many YouTube channels are like oh yeah, please click, like and please subscribe and all of that. But but it does help because the more subscriptions, the more people subscribe, the more people see it, the more outreached and the bigger our show becomes, and that's the whole goal is to reach as many people as we can. So do that. My Facebook and YouTube are both MotorCityHitMentus, and on Instagram and Snapchat are both MotorCityHipNo. H, Y, P and O, and I will say it is not active yet.
Speaker 1:I'll just make this announcement and some people may want to stone me for it, but I've also started a TikTok channel, have you? Now? Here's the thing I have this, this, this love, hate thing with with social media. Okay, I think 90% of it is just a waste of time and just a sea of excrement, but how do you really feel about it? But here's the thing I know many, a majority of our population, are on social media in one form or another, and TikTok is really big. And I hate to say this because I'm old, but with the younger crowd you know ages 16 to 30, you know the, the, so look for videos to be coming on TikTok, where I can give you 30, 60 second insights into mental health and give you tips and advice and things like that. So check that out. That is coming For your free hypnosis guide text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510.
Speaker 1:And again, that's 313-800-8510. You will get a text within a few minutes Back from me. It's automated and it will list some information, probably asking for a review, which is fine, and then your link to download your free hypnosis guide and, as usual, as I said, subscribe and leave a review. That helps tremendously. Love it and real quick. Thank you, Amy. My sister she says I know I'm late. Happy birthday, Thank you, Amy. I appreciate it. Love you too, and it is time. Here we go for our winner of the week.
Speaker 3:That's how winning is done.
Speaker 1:So our winner of the week. It's a very good story, but it's got a connection. Matt, are you a fan of Stranger Things?
Speaker 4:I am looking forward to the final season. Yes, okay.
Speaker 1:Yes, so let's start the story. Netflix is Stranger Things has won 12 prime-time Emmys and tens of millions of fans over the course of its four seasons, but it may have ultimately achieved something even greater than that it saved a man's life. Go on, is that a great opening?
Speaker 1:line or what it is Go on. A 12-year-old named Austin McMillan was able to revive his behavioral therapist, jason Pickett, after he partially drowned by using CPR. That he learned while watching the television show. Mcmillan was swimming with Pickett in his home's pool when, at a certain point, the therapist wanted to see how long he could hold his breath underwater, he racked up an impressive six minutes. Think about that for a minute. He didn't rack that up.
Speaker 3:No, no Listen that's what.
Speaker 1:I said, he racked up an impressive six minutes, though it's unclear how many of those minutes were voluntary, because what is clear is that at a certain point he lost consciousness.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what happened yeah?
Speaker 1:it's crazy. Mcmillan quickly grabbed the man after realizing he wasn't coming up, dragged him out of the water and began running around the house screaming for help. When help didn't come, he returned to Pickett's side and performed CPR. Okay, the whole ordeal was captured on a ring camera.
Speaker 4:Oh for goodness sakes.
Speaker 1:I just saw it from a TV show, stranger Things. Austin told ABC News After I gave him CPR he woke up a few minutes later. Paquette believes he lost consciousness about 30 seconds into his underwater attempt, but doesn't know why, so it's feasible. This guy spent minutes underwater unconscious, uh-huh, and this 12 year old kid brought him back. Good, it was definitely a really proud mom moment. He's really brave and courageous at Christina McMillan, austin's mom. Okay, it's a reminder that movies and television aren't a complete waste of time and that if you happen to be planning a CPR scene for your production, make sure it's the real technique. It could save a life.
Speaker 4:Well then, I just want to go out on a limb and thank George Clooney, anthony Edwards, anyone from ER, from ER. I just thank them.
Speaker 1:Anyone who's in a medical or hospital show.
Speaker 4:I could.
Speaker 3:Yes, I know, yep, Yep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean that's crazy, but I mean, I guess that could you know if you're just watching it.
Speaker 3:Oh, da-da-da-da-da, like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you?
Speaker 4:I'm glad that he paid enough attention to know what to do in a crisis situation.
Speaker 1:Well, and I will say, just as a disclaimer, don't take that as gospel no For CPR. No, I mean, the kid had an idea of what to do. Yep, he did what he thought he should do and it did help. Yep, but you want to know the proper way, but. But in this case, the kid didn't what he thought he should do, which saved a guy's life, which is fantastic. It's just a cool story. I love it. So, yeah, um, the television is not necessarily a boob tube or a mind pollutant. You know who knows it's education.
Speaker 2:What in places are you talking about it?
Speaker 1:could help. Yeah, I watch enough.
Speaker 4:I watch enough. You know looney tunes back in the day to know what not to do.
Speaker 1:No, not to drop an anvil on your head. Bam Bam, Excellent. So yeah, our winner of the week that's how it is done.
Speaker 4:I don't know about you dude yeah. Um, what I got out of stranger things is that don't go to the upside down.
Speaker 1:No, absolutely, I just don't go. This is don't go right. And don't play metal guitar, uh attracting uh bat creatures to you.
Speaker 4:Oh, no, no, no, you do that If you go into the upside down.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, oh, that's true, Because they were in the upside down there. Yeah, correct.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So back to it. So, folks, we're talking about relationships, are continuing our series and hitting all kinds of different areas of relationships. Today we're talking about fulfillment. Okay, now, well, what does what does fulfillment mean? That's a you know, that's a very broad question it is.
Speaker 1:It is a very broad question, Then. That's why I ask it. So a fulfilling relationship, I'm assume, is what everyone strives for. Nobody goes into a relationship saying, oh, I hope my relationship's okay or, you know, I hope I'm not fulfilled with this relationship. Most people want to go into it and feel like this is fulfilling, this is, this is worth it, this is, um, something that I've always wanted.
Speaker 1:So, so, when I say fulfilled, it's difficult to explain exactly what that means, because it may be different for every person, but but I think and again this is kind of a cop up, but I think you know it when you experience it. You know when you feel fulfilled, you know when things are really good. It's it's, it's that feeling when you're with somebody and and you just know that it's right, Right, Um, correct. So here's the thing it involves a finding a partner who can provide a sense of satisfaction, contentment, happiness, and again, these are not like static things that just stay.
Speaker 1:There are ups and downs in every relationship, but at the base there should be the sense of fulfillment Like this is the right person. Now, again, that's vague and that's very, um, subjective, but for people who know what I'm talking about it's, it's kind of something you just know. Uh, you feel supported, you feel understood, you feel valued by your partner, and all of those are good feelings. Um, they meet you, they meet your emotional, your physical, your intellectual needs. Um, they talk to me, not only listen to you, but they, they, they value what you stay, say, and you have conversations that that help you feel better.
Speaker 4:They speak to you, not at you. That, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so.
Speaker 1:So when you're looking for fulfillment, for fulfillment, you're looking for a sense of fulfillment. For fulfillment, you want to understand some of these desires and where they come from and what their aspirations are, and you support them with those things Um so so. For example, let's say you're in, you're in a relationship and you have a partner and you, you have this desire to be a professional of some type. Let's say, I'll just pull one out of the air. Or nurse. You're like, I really want to be a nurse. Okay, maybe you're in your thirties or forties, whatever. Wait, wait, didn't your father do that? He did, all right, yep, and that's why I brought that one up, all right. And then your partner says, oh, you're too old to do that. Why would you want to do that? You don't want to do that. That's a, that's a terrible profession. You know what I mean. So, so, um in, in going back to Matt, what Madge has said, my, my dad worked. He was a blue collar worker. He worked, worked at Great Lake Steel for years and got laid off because he was over 50. This was back in the seventies, you know, early eighties, so they could do that. And then he went to nursing school and he ended up being an RN for for most of the rest of his life.
Speaker 1:I love it, you know so, but but a partner who just kind of doesn't, doesn't value your goals or your, your, your desires or your aspirations and that exists out there. It sounds silly to say this, but I see couples all the time and it's like, yeah, they don't support each other and what they want and their goals and really things that are meaningful to them. And think about that. You're never going to feel fulfilled if you're, if you're in a relationship like that. Um, so so it goes beyond just mere satisfaction or just this fleeting happiness. It's this deeper sense of connection with somebody who, like, truly knows you and said, like, yeah, you'd be great at that. Yeah, you, you, you have a natural ability to do that. That would be fantastic for you. Um so so how do you get fulfillment? How do you know if this, if your partner is, is fulfilling to you?
Speaker 1:Um, we go back to, to again, things that we've covered open communication, trust, respect, compromise, shared values. These are all essential ingredients to be able to feel fulfilled in a relationship. So, if you don't feel fulfilled, this is where we go back to a lot of things we've addressed already. You need to establish the friendship, you need to have great communication, you need to have understanding, and I know these are they're. These are very vague terms, but but these all contribute to that sense of being fulfilled.
Speaker 1:So there's fulfillment as far as situational fulfillment, but there's also emotional fulfillment, and that's another section that we're going to get into here. So, emotionally, what does your partner need? Now, here's, here's the thing, and I can just make up an example. This is based on, again, probably an amalgamation of all different people I've seen over the years, but maybe, maybe you have a husband who is very jealous of just attention, or other women, or whatever, or other men, whatever, and then you then then you have a wife who's like not doing anything wrong, but the fact that she talks to a male coworker, the husband gets upset. So and I know that this happens a lot in either way, I'm not picking on just the men, it can go either way, but at some point we have to get farther, deeper into this and find out why are you so? Why are you so?
Speaker 4:suspicious. There's a level of trust that they they, they don't know how to deal with.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, exactly. They're missing that level of trust and I will tell you, either, be be it male or female, it doesn't matter. If you have that lack of trust most of the time, not all the time again most of the time it's your own sense of insecurity. That's driving that Right, and that is something as a couple you would need to talk about, because unless you resolve that, you're never going to be in a fulfilling relationship.
Speaker 4:And that sense of insecurity may may come from how you were raised or the previous prior relationships which I I got.
Speaker 1:If I've said this a million times, I tell people, just because you had a bad relationship in the past doesn't mean it's going to be bad going forward. Yeah, and a lot of people can't let that go. It's and we talk about, you know, a lot of times. I mean this is the motor city hypnotist podcast. We've talked about hypnosis to change thinking patterns and this is a big one because it's it's almost like PTSD If you've had a bad experience and a relationship, it tends to stay with you because you've assumed that's the same thing that's going to happen going forward.
Speaker 1:And that's a big thing to try to work through. Yes, and try to get beyond, because if you can't trust your partner, you're not going to have a fulfilled relationship. It's just not going to happen. So I know every relationship is unique and you can't compare one to the other. It's just different for everybody. But I'm going to give you some dues of a fulfilling relationship. All right, these are things you should do, all right, and maintain a meaningful emotional connection. So studies and neurobiology have shown the significance of an emotional safety for maintaining a strong bond with your partner. By creating an environment of emotional safety, both partners can experience feelings of fulfillment, love and security within the relationship, and that's not on an intimate side.
Speaker 4:This is on it.
Speaker 1:No, this is just emotional. Okay, if your partner is sad or if your partner is anxious, if your partner is depressed understanding that and being able to try to help as much as you can on your side with the things your partner is experiencing, it's being emotionally available. Now we go back and I mentioned this, I think, last episode, matt, because I kind of bashed on the men for this a little bit. Basically speaking, men are less emotionally available than women.
Speaker 1:No, you're not wrong, it's just from experience and it's just from what I've seen over 30 years of doing this. So a lot of times men are fairly closed off. They're not comfortable expressing their emotions or how they feel, or expressing sadness, or expressing feelings of inadequacy, whatever that may be. But unless you can express that, you're never going to be able to be fulfilled, because you could have a very supportive partner who can help you with those things or can encourage you to address a lot of these issues that you feel you're lacking in. So maintain a meaningful emotional connection. That's one. Welcome respectful disagreements.
Speaker 1:Now, this big thing is you're going to have disagreements. It happens in every single relationship. If you live with somebody full time, you're going to have conflict. It's a fact. Here's the thing Disagreements can be respectful. They don't have to be arguments, they don't have to be yelling, they don't have to be anything. Conflict is a natural part of human history. It's existed since the very beginning. So here's the thing that you have to have when you have conflict you have to have a sense of safety and security. When there's a conflict, if you feel like somebody is threatening, that is not safety and security. That will not work. You have to be free of fear that there's there'll be some kind of negative repercussions if you disagree with someone, like the hold it against you or retaliate in some way. So when you have respectful disagreements, here's here. Here are the couple of outcomes. You can just agree that, oh well, we disagree on that. Okay, cool, that's fine.
Speaker 4:But there's got to be a common ground.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, but the important thing is that you approach the disagreement with respect and respecting your partner's views, even if you don't agree with them. Now there is a level and again, when you're, when you're partners with somebody or married to somebody, there are, there are definite I don't want to say deal breakers, brothers. There are definitely major differences you may have.
Speaker 4:There are lines in the sand.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I mean and I'll use the, I'll use a very, very apparent one that that would probably be disagreeable for most people, that, oh, I want to see other people, oh shit. Well, I'm just saying, but in some relationships that might be acceptable, right, but in most relationships that would be a that's a hard no, yeah, that's, that's. That's not an acceptable relationship arrangement. Let's say that here's a big one, and this is. I see this with couples a lot maintain outside relationships, hobbies and interests. Okay, meaning you still have your own life even though you are a partner with someone. That doesn't mean you give up everything that you enjoy. Okay, friends, relationships, interests, hobbies. I've always said this you have your own interest in it. It doesn't matter how much you want your partner to like it. They're not going to like it. Sure, they're not going to be into that interest or hobby. I'll give you a good example and this is not a negative, because my wife's very supportive, but podcasting, no, podcasting, no, she likes this because she listens every week. I know I've said this.
Speaker 1:For a year it's almost a year I've been building my Jupiter two model. Yes, you have, and it's progressing. I work on it every weekend. It's like, it's like. For me it's. It's satisfying because it's it's engineering, because it's not just putting it together, it's making it better and modifying it. And for me, I can spend four hours at a table figuring out how to make this better. Would you say? It centers you. Yeah, yeah, I enjoy it. I feel peace. I just it's like I have a Zen moment, I just get into it and I do it. And when I get it.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, that's good. Now I know my wife is never going to sit down and do a model on the table. Do you know what I mean? That's not her interest. Now, she's supportive of it, but but she's not going to do it. So there's certain things you're not, you're not going to do together. But my, my important thing is she doesn't criticize it.
Speaker 4:And you don't use it as an excuse to get out of doing something.
Speaker 1:No, right and it's not an escape to get out of doing that relationship thing. That's that important and that's a great point, matt. That is the healthy balance of having outside interests and also spending time working on your relationship or solidifying your relationship. So yeah, make sure you maintain outside hobbies, activities and relationships. I've, I've, I've seen many couples over the years where they only spend time with each other. They're never apart. I'm like that's not good yeah.
Speaker 3:It's not.
Speaker 1:It's just, it just isn't, and I can sit with all sincerity, it's not good.
Speaker 4:So I will share with you. When it comes to hobbies, you know, professional careers. Yes, I am a DJ and I have DJed a ton hundreds of weddings in my years, and I made the conscientious decision to retire from the industry because I wanted to focus on myself. For one and number two, I wanted to be able to have some type of a normal life, not having to be contracted a year and a half out.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 3:Okay, yep.
Speaker 4:But those, those weekends that I have, I thoroughly enjoy because I can do things with my partner and my kids and I don't have the stress or the anxiety of I can't be there.
Speaker 1:But that was a conscientious well, it's funny you say that, matt, because I'm not nearly as many as you do, but well, some depending on the time of year, but but I have gigs and sometimes I have to be away and but it takes part of you know, part of what we do. But yeah, you're right At some point. What, what do you want to focus on?
Speaker 4:But I didn't do it, to you know, to spend time with my partner. I made that decision because I wanted to get to know myself outside, you know, outside of obligations. Right, my obligation is to myself and to my partner and my relationship, but I had so many outside influences. I wasn't able to focus.
Speaker 1:Put your full effort into it, my full effort. Thank you, yep. There we go. Yep Number four strive for honest and open communication. Sure, that sounds very simple. Many people are not honest. They don't communicate. If you want to have a strong, fulfilling relationship, you need to be open and transparent and honest in your communication. It's as simple as I can say it and there's no way to expound on that.
Speaker 3:Excuse me, hey worth human.
Speaker 1:It happens, absolutely so it's. This is again very, very subjective, it's very, it's hard to define, but you need to be honest and open with your communication because you're not going to have a strong relationship that doesn't happen, right?
Speaker 4:And going back to what you said, men, you know they typically aren't able to share as much as you know their partner may want them to, and it's that again, I'll say the word vernacular. They don't have the vernacular to express how they feel. Yeah, Sometimes, yeah, absolutely Without sounding like an absolute asshole Right, right, yeah, without being in.
Speaker 1:yeah, Without being in. Yeah, Without being in, yeah.
Speaker 4:In negative.
Speaker 3:Idiot, necessarily yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and five. Focus on the positives.
Speaker 1:Don't always dwell on negatives like oh, this is wrong, oh, that's wrong, oh, you didn't do the dishes, oh, the laundry is piling up. I mean, I could, I, you know, and this, this goes either way, but but it, it, it's human. I think it's human nature that we always think, we always look at things like oh, you didn't do that, you, you're, you're, this, this is not good, this is negative, whatever it is. And it's easier to look at the negatives I don't know why that is, but it just is that way and focus on the positives. Focus on things that you know are good, focus on things that you value about your partner, focus on things that are positive. Really, that's as easy as I can say it. Focus on the positives. If you do that yeah, here's the thing If you focus on positives and more than negatives, you're going to be happier person. Yes, I know this, I see it every day If you think positively and I know it sounds very simplistic, there's an old book back in the 70s, I'm going to say Animal.
Speaker 1:Farm I'm kidding, I'm kidding. The Power of Positive Thinking by Vincent Peel. Okay, I remember reading that. I think I was in high school and at the time I was like ah, this is a crock of crap you know, but there's something to that.
Speaker 1:Your mindset dictates how you feel. Little did you know. If you focus on the positives, you're going to feel better, and in doing that, your relationship will be better. So focus on the positives with your partner and I guarantee you that will make a huge difference in how you interact. Sure, absolutely. So what we're going to do, folks I still have I'm going to finish we're going to stretch this out one more episode for fulfillment and we're going to talk about the don'ts of a relationship.
Speaker 4:Oh, coming up next episode, all right, so I'll preface this yes, the dos are super important, absolutely the don'ts are super important.
Speaker 1:They are. The don'ts are also very. You need to balance the dos with the don'ts and look at them together and say, oh, okay. Yeah, I see this, so the don'ts are very important in, and I just said, focus on the positive, but we need to address some of the negatives, because that happens?
Speaker 4:Of course it does, yes, so I'm very excited for the next episode, but I will share with you that I have learned and taken away quite a bit from you this evening. Fantastic, and you know, there's a lot of things happy in everybody's lives and every once in a while they'll listen to a podcast, or this podcast, and they'll go. You know what that makes sense to me, right? Absolutely Frickin, yes.
Speaker 1:And that's the whole thing. A lot of times, people just need confirmation or validation of what they're feeling and thinking, because they might think, wow, am I the only one who thinks this way? And it's like, no, you're not, you're not alone, and that's the whole thing with therapy. And this is the other thing I want to really push. In general, I know most men kind of look at therapy and think it's kind of a weakness, or think it's like, oh I, what, what's it going to help? Just go and talk about things? Sure, but but I'm telling you, just take that step. A majority and I'm, and I'm and I'm probably going to be guessing here a little bit, but I have a pretty good idea. Probably 70% of our clientele on our clinic are female. That's just telling. It's just telling because I, I, you know, it's not just for women. Men, you can, you can find your sensitive sides and you come to therapy and talk about what's what's, what's bothering you. It really is for everyone.
Speaker 4:I am, and I will share with you, david, that I am actually very proud of myself. To focus on the positive, that I took that step. Yes, absolutely, and it did nothing but great things for me. You know, emotionally, mentally, I was able to make choices and stick to my guns. For lack of a better term yeah, absolutely, and I'm just very happy that I was man enough to take that step.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I'm a much, much better person for it and and I will also say this, and I'm not and I'm not saying this on the other side of the aisle like, oh, you need to do this. Most therapists need a therapist. Yeah, I've seen therapists my entire life, on and off. Everybody should be talking to someone. That's the big thing I want to get across. It doesn't matter your gender, it doesn't matter what situation you're in. Therapy is helpful. It wouldn't exist if it didn't help. Think about that. It would be like you goes they didn't work, they wouldn't be around anymore. Therapy's been around for hundreds of years. Sure, that's why it works. Yep, so before we exit. So so join us next time, folks, for part two of fulfilling relationship. But the don'ts and the don'ts we're going to talk about those In the meantime. Before we end today, let me show you our Detroit dog rescue Sweetie. Sweetie needs a home. What type of a Jack Russell, shepherd mix? Wow, female will be about 30 or 40 pounds.
Speaker 1:Good for that Dog friendly, cat friendly, kid friendly.
Speaker 4:Good for that.
Speaker 1:There is there is sweetie.
Speaker 4:I wonder if. Uh, what if the Jack Russell was male or female? Yeah, that's why I'm wondering which one it was yeah, that was a male. Good on you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but look at that face, aw yeah, all right. So sweetie needs a home. Detroit dog rescuecom. Check it out Again. Printed today, so she's available as of well, unless somebody adopted her in the last six hours. Right, she's there, awesome, ready to go. All right, folks join us next episode when we finish up on fulfilling relationships. In the meantime, change your thinking, change your life, laugh hard, run fast, be kind. I will see you next time.