Motor City Hypnotist
Motor City Hypnotist
Fulfillment in Relationships, Part 2
Fulfillment in Relationships, Part 2, Show Notes
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast, we are discussing fulfillment in relationships.
And I’m also going to be giving listeners a FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE! Stay tuned!
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
Text the word “hypnosis” to 313-800-8510
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
WINNER OF THE WEEK: Little Boy Reunited With LEGO Man After Creating a ‘Missing Person’ Poster – LOOK
https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/little-boy-reunited-with-lego-man-after-creating-a-missing-person-poster-look/
FULFILLMENT IN RELATIONSHIPS
Your partner should strive to make you feel completely fulfilled in your relationship. While it may be difficult to explain exactly what fulfillment entails, you will know it when you experience it. It is that feeling when you are with someone who can truly offer and provide it to you.
A fulfilling relationship is a goal that many individuals strive for. It involves finding a partner who can provide a sense of complete satisfaction, contentment, and happiness in various aspects of your life. While it may be challenging to precisely define what fulfillment entails, it is ultimately an individual experience that can be recognized and felt when you encounter it.
In a fulfilling relationship, you will feel supported, understood, and valued by your partner. They will possess the ability to meet your emotional, physical, and intellectual needs. This means they not only listen to you but also actively engage in conversations that stimulate growth and understanding.
A partner who strives to make you feel fulfilled will take the time to understand your desires, dreams, and aspirations. They will support your personal growth and encourage you to pursue your goals. Furthermore, they will consider your feelings and needs while making decisions that impact both of you.
Feeling fulfilled in a relationship goes beyond mere satisfaction or happiness; it encompasses a deep sense of connection with someone who truly understands and appreciates you. It involves feeling loved unconditionally while being able to reciprocate those feelings.
It is worth noting that fulfillment in a relationship is not solely dependent on one person; it requires effort from both partners. Open communication, trust, mutual respect, compromise, and shared values are essential ingredients for fostering fulfillment in any partnership.
In conclusion, finding a partner who can offer genuine fulfillment is an invaluable aspect of building a long-lasting and satisfying relationship. It involves experiencing deep connection, support for personal growth and goals while feeling appreciated for who you are as an individual.
Building an emotionally fulfilling relationship is crucial for maintaining a strong and l
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
(Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!)
Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast, we're following up part two. We're talking about fulfillment in relationships. Yeah, this is part two. In fact, we're ending Well. Usually I want to focus on the positives, but, but, but this episode we're finishing up with things you shouldn't do. We did our dues, we did our five dues last episode and in a fulfilling relationship, we're going to finish up part two with five don'ts.
Speaker 2:So make sure you listen to those five don'ts.
Speaker 1:And, as usual, we're giving away free stuff. Hang in there, folks, we'll be right back.
Speaker 2:Get ready for the Motor City Hypnotist, david R Wright. Originating from the suburbs of Detroit, michigan, he has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome the Motor City Hypnotist, david R Wright.
Speaker 1:It is happening, my friends. This is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist, and we're back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast. Hi David, hello Matt, how are you? That's Matt Fox, the other voice. You hear it?
Speaker 2:is.
Speaker 1:And now it as usual on a Monday evening. And you know what would you rather be doing Monday evening? We're back to our normal lighting. Yeah, we're back to our. Oh. Yes, we don't have the mood lighting up this time, yeah, but that's okay.
Speaker 2:It's all good.
Speaker 1:I still have my curtain behind me.
Speaker 3:You do I do? You got a door. Oh, you got your man to get happy hours signed up.
Speaker 1:So that's cool, see. Yes, all right folks, thanks for joining us. Let me tell you first where you can find me. My website is MotorCityHypnotistcom. Check that out. As I said, last couple of episodes I've been updating so long story short my website. There's a section that's called podcast notes. So if you go there you can go back and access all the notes going back and if it's something that interests you, you can go back and listen to the episode Right, absolutely Right on. So it's slowly surely working backwards to get all those uploaded, because I'd redone my website maybe not quite a year ago, and to get all that stuff transferred. That's a big undertaking.
Speaker 3:It kind of is, and I'm kind of surprised that you're doing that.
Speaker 1:Well, one thing it helps because for your SEO, with all those, all the information, back links and all of that, that definitely helps as far as searchability. Fair enough, fair enough. So, yeah, helps me out as well. You can find me on Facebook and YouTube, both our Motor City Hypnotist, and on Instagram and Snapchat. Motor City Hypno and I teased this a little bit last time Um, do you have TikTok mad? I do not, I do not. Well, I haven't. But, um, I have broken in, kind of broken down, and said, okay, um, believe it or not. So here's the thing we have a business, my motor city hypnotist and counseling and therapy associates. Right, we want to reach people, we want to advertise and get our name out there, mm hmm, Facebook.
Speaker 1:I have ads running there, but the average age of responses on Facebook ads are like 45 and up.
Speaker 3:Okay, Cause.
Speaker 1:so cause that's an older person platform and I know my son's 21,. None of us friends are on Facebook.
Speaker 2:They just don't use it.
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 1:Typically it's Snapchat. And then and I'm going to break this down by gender Most females his age are TikTok yeah. So we're kind of branching out to reach out to the get the younger hip crowd and get them coming in.
Speaker 3:And he keeps saying Twitter, but it's X.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm not on X anymore no no, I just it's not something I've ever used. I've never utilized it. So I just yeah, I'm not there. I did have it. I mean, I have an account there but I'm not active on it, so I don't promote it. So yeah, so yeah and um. You can get your free hypnosis guide Simply by texting the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. Again, that's 313-800-8510. And you can find that number in the show notes as well. If you want to look it up later, perfect, no reason. I mean, do it now, do it now. Do it now, if you want, because that would be the better time. Do it live, fuck it, do it live. I can, I'll write it and we'll do it live. Fucking thing sucks. So you could do it live right now. That would be great, yeah, or you can do it. Look it up in the show notes later. That would be absolutely fine as well. Fair enough, all right, matt, it's time. Is it time?
Speaker 3:Yes, it is.
Speaker 2:That's how winning is done.
Speaker 1:Okay, so this is a fun little story. So you've had kids and, um, and I've had kids and you know when kids lose a toy or something that's really important to them it is like the end of the world, right, okay?
Speaker 3:How many toys have my kids in quotations lost in their, in their child, in their childhood? I'd see there was a red balloon.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, there was a Poe.
Speaker 3:There was a blanket. Oh boy yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, my son. My son was and this, this, you'll see when I read the story, my son was really into the mini Lego figures. Oh, yeah. And he started getting into this thing where he started to trade them at school and he realized he traded his favorite for one that was like drawn on and marked up by some other kid I don't know how you know, seemed like a one tried one side of trade there.
Speaker 3:but yeah, he was kind of distraught after that one, if I give you one quarter, and you give me two dimes, I'll have more, because two is more. I feel like it was something like that and it was it was a Star Wars is a Captain Rex figure.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness. So yeah, he was. He was a bit distraught on that, so let me read the story. Jack Steele awesome name for a kid, Absolutely. Jack Steele was left devastated after he lost the figurine, his Lego figurine especially because it actually represented himself and his name. Jack throughout all his Lego adventures. Okay, so he's got a figure that represents himself. He calls it Jack, and that's that's his figure for all his adventures you know it's like the Lego movie.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. To help find the missing piece, the British schoolboy created a lost poster and even offered a reward of two pounds for whoever found it Two pounds.
Speaker 3:Okay, so this is out of England, in Britain, yeah, in Britain, that's good, and here is, here is the.
Speaker 1:I'll hold it up to the camera so you guys have to like watch on Facebook live to see the want the lost poster for his Lego man. That's great.
Speaker 3:Wait a minute. What does it say on?
Speaker 1:that Lost. Has anyone seen? And I'll read the small print so you can get it. Oh boy, light brown drift quift. Light brown quift meaning the hair.
Speaker 3:Quaff yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he spelled it quift with oh geez, this we're writing is so hard to read.
Speaker 3:How old is he?
Speaker 1:He's a Hawaiian T-shirt.
Speaker 2:Dork.
Speaker 1:See if you can read that small print man, I don't have my glasses on.
Speaker 3:So I'm gonna take my glasses off.
Speaker 1:So light brown quift quaff with oh smut some type of eyebrows.
Speaker 3:Hawaiian shirt blue with palm, black white. Hawaiian shirt blue with palm trees, some palm trees and orange orange stripe the size and futility, and dark green pants. Oh, good for you it says he is very special to me. Reward two pounds this Lego. I'm sorry Loss. Has anyone seen at the bottom this Lego man?
Speaker 1:that is precious. I love that. Yeah, isn't that great. So he made this loss poster and posted it. The poster begins has anyone seen this Lego man? He is very special to me. Jack added Alongside a drawing of the figure. Jack pointed out the visual features light brown quift with matching eyebrows, quift being a hairstyle and the parlance of the region. It's a quaff, yeah, yeah, uh, they're saying quiff, so I don't know. Hawaiian shirt blue with palm trees, orange stripe on the bottom, dark green pants. Lego figurine based on Jack steel.
Speaker 1:Luckily, jack's Lego man was found in the park where he plays in Ulverston, cumbria, by a local schoolgirl. The girl's mom then contacted Jack's mom, lorna Walker, after seeing his missing poster on Facebook. Oh, my goodness. Lorna said her son was quite distraught when he realized he had lost it. He came to me very upset that he had that he had lost it and thought it must have fallen out of his bag. After school we retraced our steps home, but with no luck. That's when he came up with the poster and Lorna shared it on Facebook, explaining to all that he had designed the figurine himself during an interactive exhibit at the Lego Discovery Center in Manchester on a recent field trip. Right, he took great care in picking the perfect parts.
Speaker 1:Jack steel at the Lego Discovery Center in Manchester oh sorry, that's a photo title. Okay, the boy had placed the little guy in the front pocket of his bag to take it to his grandma's after school to show her, but forgot to zip it and it had fallen out. The family was so relieved. It all worked out brilliantly and Lorna gifted the girl an extra box of chocolates for finding the missing figurine With the two pounds. Yeah Well, maybe the two pounds and the chocolates. There you go, there you go. So yeah, I thought the best part of that was that poster.
Speaker 1:That is the you know the drawn poster With the Lego guy on it and she has a really good drawing for a Lego guy.
Speaker 3:It looks like a Lego guy.
Speaker 1:Not bad at all Very square, yeah, very square. So it's just a fun story. And for Jack Steel Jack Steel, take care of your Lego man. Yeah, don't lose it again, you know? Oh, he won't. Oh, good for you, he won't lose it again.
Speaker 2:No, he won't lose it again, and yeah just keep a hold of that Lego man.
Speaker 1:Thank you Facebook, Yep, Jack Steele and Facebook and everybody involved and the girl who found it. Yeah, Absolutely Winner of the week.
Speaker 2:That's how winning is done.
Speaker 3:One of my favorite lost and found posters. Yeah seen out in the marketplace. What have you was? It was a poster with the cover of Lionel Richie and on it says hello Is it me you're looking for.
Speaker 2:What in places are you talking about?
Speaker 3:That's one of my favorite.
Speaker 1:I have never seen that. Hello.
Speaker 3:Is it me?
Speaker 1:You're looking for crack me up. Oh, that's great.
Speaker 3:So we're going to get into don'ts, which we are back to it.
Speaker 1:We're getting into the don't. So this is a part two of fulfillment in relationships. If you haven't listened to part one, you can jump back or just listen to it after this one. But but we finished last episode talking about the dues of a fulfilling relationship. Let me just quickly review those. Okay, maintain a meaningful emotional connection, right, and then you can make them respectful disagreements. Okay, maintain outside relationships, hobbies and interests. That was a big one, because I, I I'm telling you I deal with a lot of couples who have no outside activities, interests, friends. I just don't think that's healthy. No, I don't think so. Stride for honest and open communication. Always focus on the positives. Okay, those were all the dues. Don't let the negatives take over.
Speaker 1:But I think these are really important to talk about, because I see this a lot, especially doing marriage counseling or couples counseling. It is, unfortunately, when relationships digress to a point where a lot of these things start happening. It's just, it just gets really hard to repair at that point. Sure, so let's just jump into the don'ts. Okay, that was number one. Playing on your partner's weaknesses oh, yes, don't do that. No, you don't want to focus on and typically this is when somebody's angry or frustrated with their partner and they want the whole goal of In my mind, the whole goal of these don'ts is you're trying to hurt the other person in some way. Yes, and that is never good in any relationship. I don't care if it's a marriage relationship or friendship or family or whatever, but if you play on your partner's weakness, you're really just trying to hurt them and that's just not a good thing.
Speaker 3:And you know, no relationship is perfect and both parties are not perfect. So you have to understand that going into some type of a disagreement. But if you really go into a disagreement with the intention of hurting them, you know, mentally, or just pointing out all the bad things that they've done over the past, or even just pointing out mistakes, or just I'll give you some real life examples of couples, I've nitpicking.
Speaker 1:Like yes, yes, that's a good word for it People who constantly highlight mistakes. Like I'll remember, I had a specific couple we're in session working and every time the guy spoke, the wife would correct his grammar. It was like and I don't think she knew she was doing it. That's the tough thing, and you could just see every time she did it his temperature would just rise.
Speaker 2:I mean, you could see he was like a thermometer.
Speaker 1:You could just see that level going up and, up and up. And I understand that the intention might have been good, but the way it was done and communicated, it was really just highlighting a fault or a mistake, right, and that just is never good.
Speaker 3:No, it's not. It's just for a guy. It masculates them.
Speaker 1:Well, that, and for either person it's just highlighting that, oh, I'm better than you because I can correct this, or I am, I don't know, I know better and I'm smarter than you in some way. Sure, sure, sure, of course, in a relationship, is that really something you want to push or try to make a point of Right? And what it does? It just undermines the other person's confidence. After a while, that guy's, I'm telling you, after a while I'm sure that guy's not going to speak anymore because he doesn't want to be corrected. So then he shuts down. And now try to communicate effectively. When he's not going to talk because he doesn't want to be criticized, sure, so really, the big thing is, is so let's take that situation and take it into a more positive thing. When they're alone, not with somebody else, or not in a crowd of people, or not with friends, she could say hey, I noticed you used the word ain't a lot, I just wonder if you knew that. But in a one-on-one, yeah one-on-one.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that's the place where, if you're really concerned, or If the concern is for that person and not your own image, okay, like in that situation, did the wife not want to be embarrassed by him, or was she more concerned about him in a social situation where this might come out Sure, and that's the big thing. Is this really about you or is it about him? Right, that would be the question I would ask. Okay, so yeah, playing on your partner's weaknesses, it's just a recipe that it's just not going to work. And if there are things that you're concerned about, that's when you have a one-on-one conversation in a private area and address it in a very caring manner, not in a critical manner. Yes, yes. Number two getting revenge on your partner.
Speaker 3:Okay, so getting revenge on your partner. So help me understand what revenge means in this connotation.
Speaker 1:So, simply put, it's a retaliatory action or statement to counteract what somebody has said or done excuse me done to you. Okay, so let's say your partner made a mistake and I don't know they said something about you they shouldn't have Like, I don't know, maybe they made a joke.
Speaker 3:You peed on the seat, yeah, or yeah, something like that. It's stupid.
Speaker 1:And then you retaliate and try to one up the other person as far as their negative thing. It's just a bad way to communicate about each other. You get caught up in this never-ending cycle of these retaliations and then it ends up becoming like a war. It is. It's like, okay, I'm going to volley, I'm going to start the first volley, and then they attack back, and then I got to attack harder and then pretty soon the big guns are out and it ends up being honestly insulting and it's just a destroyer of relationships.
Speaker 3:Now correct me if I'm wrong, but the whole point of being in a relationship with a person is to lift that other person up, right, yes, and I know, I know I'm right, but that's the whole purpose of being in a relationship is to be with someone you want to lift up. So if you're in a relationship with someone that you are constantly putting down and making retaliatory comments to. Do you really need to be in that relationship?
Speaker 1:Well, that's the whole question, and that's the question I ask when I'm working with couples. Is that you seem really negative and hateful. What's happening here, the fuck are you doing? Yeah, pretty much that. Yeah In so many words.
Speaker 1:It's like and I always tell people and this is a point I bring out to couples who come into my office and I've said this on this podcast before I know I have, once people get to me, it's typically one of their last chances, because it's either an ultimatum by one or the other one partner or the other that we're going to counseling or I'm leaving. So typically, when they get to me, finally, it's usually not in great shape. Now there are exceptions to that. I've had some couples that come in super loving and caring and just wanted to improve their relationship, but that's a minority, okay, bummer. So I've had people come in like that and it's already so negative and so antagonistic and just hateful. And I say to them and this is the thing I say I say, listen, at one point the both of you chose each other. At one point you like that person enough to say I want to marry them. What happened from that point going forward? He peed on the ceiling.
Speaker 1:I mean and typically I mean, yes, there are major things that could happen in a relationship. Sure, sure, you know infidelity or physical abuse. I mean those major things. Yes, that's a problem, absolutely. That's not something you ignore and just say, oh, that's just the way it is, no. But when the communication breaks down and you start again trying to get revenge and trying to retaliate and just have that hateful back and forth, it just destroys relationships. So if you try to get even, you're only doing yourself a disservice. And I've said to people all the time you can't change the other person, you can only change yourself. So if one person changes and the other one doesn't, you kind of have your answer there. As far as where that relationship is going, that's yes. If you wait around for the other person to do it or try to force them to do it, it's never gonna happen. Both parties have to wanna change. Game on yeah, absolutely Number three. Okay, you chuckled before you say it.
Speaker 1:It is chuckled, because this is really something that can be blowing things out of proportion. Is that what number three is? Yes, number three. I don't know what are you talking about? What?
Speaker 3:are you talking about David? That doesn't make any sense to me. It makes no sense. What is that? It's not number three, that's number four. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:So here's the thing a lot of times there can be very strong and vitriolic reactions to what could be minor things. Okay, so again, I'll give you examples in my past Again not naming names or we're making any kind of identifying issues of clients, but you know I had one time where this guy was so upset. They were out at a party and his wife talked to another guy.
Speaker 1:That's called socializing Right, it's called being at a party, and so the conversation I'm paraphrasing, of course, but the conversation went something like this. Finally, when it came out, it goes well, I saw you talking to that other guy. She goes yeah, I was making conversation with somebody else at this party. He says, well, I didn't look like that, oh, to put, to put, well, but see, and these are the things that that's blowing something out of proportion A little bit and that is that that guy's insecurities coming out, not her issue. You think, yes, absolutely, and most of the time when you have, when you blow things out of proportion, most of the time it's your problem, yes, it's not the.
Speaker 3:It's not the partner's problem, no, and Alice checked in and says hi, David.
Speaker 1:Alice, good to see you One of my wife's long time skating friends that we've known for forever Excellent.
Speaker 2:Thanks for checking in.
Speaker 1:Thanks for checking in. Alice Love you. So yeah, that, that, that typically when you blow something out of proportion.
Speaker 1:It's insecurity of your own self-esteem or your own downfalls or your own shortcomings. That's when it comes up. But here's the thing it's important not to make assumptions or overthink things, because that's what happens. You see, again in this situation, he, this guy, sees his wife talking to somebody else in his mind. It's like he's hitting on her. What if she says yes? And then what if they sleep together? It's like it just goes off the rails down this road and it's really overthinking something that could be totally innocent.
Speaker 3:I have a lot of friends, david, who overthink a lot of things, yes, and those friends are critical thinkers and they they really get into a reason as to why. Because of how they think. It's that critical thinking and talking those folks off of a ledge for lack of a better fight it's kind of interesting to listen to them and let them get it out.
Speaker 3:Then you could just ask little questions. So help me understand why you think A, b or C, and it really makes them think and get back to where they started. Oh, you know what? That probably was kind of.
Speaker 1:Well, and what that does? It addresses the insecurities and fears that this person has, and that does the key thing. If they insecurities and fears have a significant impact on relationships, and if you don't address those insecurities and fears of your own, the other person is never gonna be up to your, your expectations, because it's your own issue.
Speaker 3:Sure, that that's the problem, but do you think that they should share their insecurities with their partner?
Speaker 1:Well, yep, and that's the big thing, when you make assumptions or you overthink and you're feeling that it's important that you have a conversation with your partner and say, hey, this is what I'm feeling. I realize it's my own insecurities, so I just want to talk about it so that I can feel better. Yeah, If you're honest about it, your partner would be like, oh, absolutely. And you know, and and I'm not saying that that you should avoid things just because it makes your partner uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:And that goes back to the dues of that open, honest, yes.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed in a situation like that, it's definitely a time to have a conversation and say, Ah man, I'm just feeling really insecure right now. You can say that that's not a bad thing. I, Lartner, can at least respond and say oh, I'm sorry, and and kind of reinforce that that person's with you for a reason.
Speaker 3:Mm, hmm, one of the things I really enjoy about being in the relationship that I am in is that my partner knows what I'm insecure Because she knows, because I look at my toes.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, really. Come on so she really is quite fun. Yeah, stings the nostril Thanks for that.
Speaker 3:But, yeah, I look at my toes. She's like okay, stop looking at your toes. And she helps me to recognize that I'm feeling insecure and I shouldn't. That's fantastic. I shouldn't feel insecure. Yeah, this is a mess. Yeah, that's one of the things I really enjoy about this relationship.
Speaker 1:Well, no, but that's a, that's a great conversation you have with your significant other is that they are really insecure about this. Or and I can tell you just just from tons, tons of people I've seen over the years, you know, maybe maybe a husband's insecure because he's short, or maybe the wife is insecure because she's overweight or whatever. The issues are that those insecurities play into the, into how the relationship works.
Speaker 3:One of those things you mentioned is fixable. Yeah, you can get taller.
Speaker 1:You're stretching machine, just kidding, yeah.
Speaker 3:So no, no it's. It's just talking about those insecurities.
Speaker 1:You know what.
Speaker 3:If you feel short, then you know what let's. Let's talk about that. If you feel overweight, what can we do to help you to not feel?
Speaker 1:that way. But that's the whole thing, and this is where you can kind of kind of help your partner as far as saying, what can I do to help? Sure, maybe nothing, and that's fine. But as long as you're supportive of that, it's really just a thing where you just don't want to Uh-oh, I lost my train of thought here you just don't want to like, overreact to things and let your own insecurities take over.
Speaker 3:That's the big thing.
Speaker 1:I love that, thank you Okay Number four and I see this a lot, especially in newer relationships. Okay, acting out of desperation.
Speaker 3:Okay, is it like Shakespearean acting, or or?
Speaker 1:So here's the way I would describe it. When a relationship starts, a lot of times it's common for one or the other partner to become desperate for that attention, for that connection, for that feeling of security. Okay, and it's and I'm just gonna be blunt it's not a good look when somebody's desperate. I use the analogy of this and I'm gonna reference a book in a minute, but let me tell you kind of a general scenario where a guy meets a woman. They start dating. All of a sudden he becomes like the puppy dog. He does every single thing she wants. He doesn't think about his own needs at all. He's like oh what? What do you need? What do you need? I'll be there. It says no to nothing. And it's just like that puppy dog syndrome where they'll just follow you and do whatever you ask, no matter what.
Speaker 3:Because that's-.
Speaker 1:Because they want. They're so desperate to keep this relationship that they just lose all sense of their selves. There's a book, and I can't remember the title. No, I can't remember the author. I think the title was it might've been Getting the Love you Want. I believe is the name of the book. Okay, I gotta be careful with that. Google search. Dobson might've been the author, I believe. All right, I'm gonna look that up, keep going, look that up. And I don't remember anything about this book. It's about relationships, and the one major thing I took from this book and this statement is true in every single relationship, the person who cares the least is the one in control. Okay, think about that for a minute. The party or the person who cares the least is the one who controls everything. Now, in an ideal relationship, that control would be equal.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:If it's this desperate relationship, or one person is desperate to please the other one, no matter what, the person who's the object of that is totally in control because they can do anything they want. That person who's desperate is never gonna leave. They're never gonna say no. You could and again I go back to the. I call it the puppy dog syndrome, and God forbid anybody does this, because I would punch you in the face. But if you beat a puppy dog one day, the next day he'll still lick your face and be your best friend. You know what I'm saying right, let's see here, dobson.
Speaker 3:Love must be tough.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's it. Love must be tough. That's, that's what. That's the one I'm thinking of, dr James dobson, james dobson, yep, love must be tough. That's the book. Okay, and and again, it's the idea that if you're so desperate to do anything you can to please your partner, you're you're never gonna be satisfied. You're always gonna be the puppy dog, chasing her around, chasing him or her around and doing whatever they want. And, like I said, it's it's. That analogy is like I said you could beat a dog in the next day, they're still your best friend because they don't have that deductive reasoning to think this person's an asshole, like a genie in a bottle, right what?
Speaker 3:are you yeah right, Exactly what do you need?
Speaker 1:So so don't out of, don't act out of desperation, so so here's in. Here's one of the things that happens, and I've seen it in couples that I, that I talked to One or the other, threatened divorce and the other one will be like, oh my god, no, no, I'll do anything, I'll do anything. And and I'm not saying that's not that, that is a, that is a real fear and that's a major thing that you'd have to go through but the partner shouldn't be saying, no, I'll do anything. They'll be saying, well, why, why do you want a divorce and what can we do to try to make things better? Hmm, I'm not gonna do anything, but, but I want to do my part, as long as you do your part. Again, trying to make it equal one person is not subject at the whims of the other one you, you struck a chord with me, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I get it. So again, acting out of desperation is never a good thing. Don't do it.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 1:So long story short and and I'm gonna summarize kind of the don'ts with this statement Don't let your emotions take over. Now I know relationships are an emotional thing, but you have to use your head to. You have to become a, you have to use logic to I become a critical thing. Yes, you know, I'm not saying you have to be Spock and have no emotion, because because you do need some emotion, especially for men. I'm making a generalization. Generalization there, but that's what I've seen over the years. You have to have some emotion, but you also have to use your logic and use your, use your brain. Don't let the emotions get the best of you. And these are definite don'ts. If, if you're, if any of these last four things are happening to you, yeah, it's gonna be tough if it is happening to you, one recognize it.
Speaker 3:Yes don't make excuses as to why it's not absolutely but then you know, seek out, you know someone like yeah, absolutely think out a therapist.
Speaker 1:I honestly, if, even if, even if that's not gonna work for you and I would recommend I've said it a million times Go go to therapy. Therapists need therapy. Everyone can benefit from therapy, it doesn't matter, right? It's not a sign of weakness as a sign of strength. It's a sign of saying I want to. I want to take control of my own mental health and my own issues and Resolve those, because by doing that you make your relationship better. If one person improves 70% and the other person does nothing, the relationship is still improved.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's, it's a fact, that's a great thing. I'm not saying it's salvageable, but I'm saying it is improved. Yeah, so that's the big thing. So don't do the don'ts. Do the dues that we talked about in last episode. Mm-hmm, and if I'm serious I'm making this simplistic if you do the dues and you don't do the don'ts, you're probably in a pretty good spot. Sure? And again, like Matt said, if you're having difficulty in relationships and you're having difficulty navigating all of these things, yes, seek out a mental health professional. And let me put a plug in, because I own counseling and therapy associates. We have 13 therapists. They all have. Go to our website, because our website can can say more than I can say in a couple of seconds. It has bios of all of our therapists, their specialties, what they work with. You know. You can get an idea of the areas they cover, the areas they're really good at in. Pick one and call us and pick one, and I'm in most cases we can get people in within a couple of days.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you call it. If you call tomorrow, you can probably be seen by Friday. See, and that that's or or Thursday. Even we're possibly Wednesday. Sometimes it's next day.
Speaker 3:I'll tell you what it's almost unheard of to be able to get an appointment within a 48 hour window. And if you have that capability or practice David we do you people should seek that out.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. And and I'll say this just a double step. I'm gonna say this because I'm gonna say it over and over again. I've done it myself. If you, if you go to see a therapist and the first couple of sessions you feel like this is not working for me, say something, ask for somebody else, don't don't feel like you're stuck with somebody, and that's why we have such a diverse staff with different experiences, different backgrounds, different cultures, where we're diverse in all areas men, women, race, religious beliefs, I mean cultures, cultures, everything. We have so many therapists right now that that we have, I'm not gonna say all bases covered, but many bases covered, fair enough. So take a look at counseling and therapy associates. Calm, if you call tomorrow again, you can probably be in within a day or two. I see, that's great. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1:So next episode, folks we're gonna talk about, we're gonna continue our, our, our Series on relationships, but we're gonna talk about support and relationships, okay, how you can support your partner and why that is important, fantastic. So before we go, let me give you our, our Detroit dog rescue. Somebody needs an adoption. His name is Nash. Okay, he's a golden doodle. He's about 70 pounds. He's dog friendly with proper introduction. Okay, kid friendly, only Tenant over. Okay, cat friendly is unknown.
Speaker 3:So if you have a cat or not, big dogs but this is Nash. Look at that.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's just a golden doodle. He needs a home. He's got fantastic coloring, yeah, doesn't he? Yeah, I love that black, like the black head with a white body. Yeah, he's pretty. Yeah, so Nash needs a home. If you, if you're interested in Nash, contact Detroit dog rescue. Detroit dog rescue calm. Yes, that's where you can find them. The link will be in the website as well, or, I'm sorry, the link will be in the show notes there as well. All right, so check that out. He was born in 2020, so he was only couple small, almost four couple three years old three years old.
Speaker 1:Yeah, nash needs a home. Give him a call, all right, folks. So come back next episode. We're gonna start on on support in relationships. In the meantime, change your thinking, change your life. Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. We will see you next time, oh.