Motor City Hypnotist
Motor City Hypnotist
Fifty Shades of Communication: The Truth About Sex Therapy - Part 1
When certified sex therapist Terica Lewis sat down with us in the studio, we weren't sure what to expect. What followed was a refreshingly candid conversation that shatters misconceptions about what sex therapy actually involves. Contrary to media portrayals, it's not about teaching positions or techniques—it's about something far more fundamental to relationships.
"Two monologues don't make a dialogue," Terica explains, pinpointing the communication breakdown at the heart of most intimacy issues. The conversation explores how men and women approach relationships differently: women typically need emotional connection to feel desire, while men may prioritize physical aspects. When these different needs aren't understood, partners misinterpret each other's actions and intentions, creating a cycle of disconnection.
The discussion takes a particularly nuanced turn when addressing how aging affects intimacy. As couples enter their 40s, 50s, and beyond, physical changes naturally occur, but pride and embarrassment often prevent honest conversations. Men may struggle with erectile dysfunction but find it impossible to admit, while women experience their own physiological changes. Without communication, each partner creates their own narrative about why intimacy has decreased—usually blaming themselves or their partner incorrectly.
Terica offers practical insights for breaking these patterns, suggesting that couples shouldn't just discuss intimacy when there's a problem. Instead, partners should share thoughts during positive moments, even "debriefing" after intimate encounters to understand what worked and what could improve. This approach keeps communication flowing in a non-threatening context before small issues become insurmountable problems.
Join us for this eye-opening conversation that balances professional expertise with straightforward, common-sense guidance. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or just starting one, you'll gain valuable perspectives on improving both communication and intimacy. And don't miss our next episode as we continue the conversation with Terica about navigating differences in sexual adventurousness between partners!
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Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
David Wright: 0:00
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast. Sorry folks, we just had this intro video come up that we're like what is this? That's not my video.
Matt Fox: 0:08
It was all StreamYard. It was not me, I promise, oh yeah.
David Wright: 0:10
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what was going on. Anyway, we're here doing a podcast and a special treat tonight we have a special guest in-house, terica Lewis. She's a licensed professional counselor and a certified sex therapist and we're going to start talking about that. What does that mean? What does that involve?
Matt Fox: 0:28
I have been what goes into that? I have been so excited for this episode for weeks.
David Wright: 0:34
I'm sure you have, I bet you have, I really have.
Terica Lewis: 0:38
Waited a long time for this.
Announcer : 0:41
Oh, good for you.
David Wright: 0:44
Matt was just excited because he gets to talk about sex. Sexy dad, anyway, that's our special guest folks. Hang in there, we'll be right back this sounds like something for the authorities in Detroit.
Announcer : 1:00
The joke's on you. I'm living to 102. Men die at the city of Detroit.
Matt Fox: 1:04
Guys like this can't take over here out of Detroit.
David Wright: 1:07
Spawned in the hellfires of Motown. Take him to Detroit.
Announcer : 1:12
No, no, not Detroit, no, no, please Anything, but that no, stationed in Drambuie, it's worse than Detroit. We did not have, as a unit, the confidence that we felt like we needed to beat Detroit. Let's go to Detroit. Now you're talking brother. I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now. Do they have many farms in Detroit? Detroit to Michigan.
Matt Fox: 1:38
I go to school, I know where Detroit is.
Announcer : 1:40
Get ready for the Motor City hypnotist, david R Wright. Originating from the suburbs of Detroit, michigan, he has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome the Motor City Hypnotist, david R Wright.
David Wright: 2:26
What is going on, my friends? This is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist, and we are back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist podcast. Yes, we are. That is Matt Fox. They are the voice you hear, and we also have with us a special guest today, terica Lewis. Hello, she is with us as well. We're here in the palatial podcaster voice southfield studios, uh, hanging out doing a podcast, as we typically do on monday evenings at eight, eight ish, let's say eight ish it's terica.
Matt Fox: 2:54
I'm so excited that you're here. You showed up on time. I did and, and and. Thank you for that. You're so welcome. We did a man cave prior. We did yeah, and um, terica's like man cave. What's that? Hey, whiskey scars beers.
David Wright: 3:10
Excuse for four guys to get together and drink.
Matt Fox: 3:12
It's a bunch of middle-aged guys, just you know a reason to hang out and drink.
Terica Lewis: 3:16
Yeah. On a Monday night.
David Wright: 3:18
Yeah, we're here. Let me tell you first where you can find me. My website is MotorCityHypnotistcom. Check that out. We are right in the midst of prom and grad season. Headed to Iowa this weekend Dyersville, Matt Dyersville.
Matt Fox: 3:34
Iowa. That is the home of something Field of Dreams. That is correct. We talked about that last episode. Yeah, we did.
David Wright: 3:41
It's been a week so I'm going to try to get there, because I've told you my story, probably on this podcast. I'm sure I have, but I've been to Dyersville. It's a show I've done before, but every time I go to the field something happens. The first time I went to the field. It was a blizzard that weekend and the field was covered in snow. Oh wow. Last year I was in Dyersville. I thought, oh, I'm going to get there.
Announcer : 4:02
Didn't it rain.
David Wright: 4:03
I got, I parked, walked onto the field. Boom Storm just starts downpouring and I have to run back to my car and leave. You started a storm. I did Apparently being on that field must've done something.
Matt Fox: 4:15
So what's going to happen this time? Most of them have been mad at me, is it going?
David Wright: 4:19
to be locusts, that it's just a sunny day. Now there is a downfall of going early because it's a corn field, but corn gets harvested in the fall, so there's no corn in the outfield, it's just barren. It's just angels out there Wrong movie but you're okay, You're okay. Matt.
Announcer : 4:41
Oh, good for you.
David Wright: 4:42
It's crazy. No, no, don't shut me up.
Matt Fox: 4:47
I'm trying over here.
David Wright: 4:49
Heading to Dyersville this weekend for a post-prom show, and so anyway, long story short, if you're in need of entertainment for your prom or your grad night, we're right into it. So if somebody canceled on you or somebody flaked out or you don't have anything, go to the website and get a quote in minutes and actually book it online and have your time reserved. There you go. My Facebook and YouTube are both Motor City Hypnotist, and on Snapchat, instagram and TikTok, which are all Motor City Hypno, that is, h-y-p-n-o Hypno.
David Wright: 5:20
And, as we've done, going back all the way to episode one and we're on episode 303 today your free hypnosis guide text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. In a few minutes you'll receive a text with your hypnosis guide attached. It will also give you a link to leave a review. That's my business page, my Google business page for Motor City Hypnotist, so you can leave a review of the podcast. You can leave a review if you've seen me in a review. That's my business page, my Google business page for Motor City Imptest, so you can leave a review of the podcast. You can leave a review If you've seen me in a show.
David Wright: 5:49
You can leave a review If you've seen me as a client or on the streets for anything whatever I've done, you can leave a review for it, and that would be very helpful. And the big thing, whatever platform you're on iTunes, stitcher, spotify definitely connect, subscribe, link, whatever you have to do on your platform but the big thing is leave a review because that helps us grow and it helps us get to more people. Yep, all right, I think that covers all the nonsense.
Terica Lewis: 6:13
Well, it's not really nonsense, but you know what I mean, but it is time.
Announcer : 6:25
Yeah, that's how winning is done. Yes, it is. Yes, it is so back to it.
David Wright: 6:31
All right, what's the story? All right, so this story. Wow, that was quick, I know.
Announcer : 6:37
I know it was quick.
David Wright: 6:38
And we're not done with it yet no we're not, I threw that in. I was kind of throwing you off, Matt, because I know you were ready to roll I I threw that in. I was kind of throwing you off Matt because I know you were ready to roll. I am so ready to roll. So, anyway, a two-year-old was reported missing in the Arizona High Desert on Monday and was found, in part thanks to a local rancher's dog, a big fluffy Pyrenees named Buford. Buford the Pyrenees.
Matt Fox: 7:00
Buford the.
David Wright: 7:00
Pyrenees dog Found a two-year-old in the desert. Little Bowden Allen wandered off his parents' property in Saligman into Mountain Lion Country at around 5 pm Monday evening. Yavapi County Search and Rescue conducted a 16-hour search long into Tuesday morning. What the heck? Ranger Scotty Dutton was surprised enough when he saw Buford wandering up a ranch track with a little Bowden, with little Bowden in tow, wait, wait, wait. So the purity dog that the Pyrenees went out and found this kid and brought him back. How was he on a leash?
Announcer : 7:34
I don't I don't know that.
David Wright: 7:35
That's the whole thing. So Ranger Scotty Dutton was surprised enough when he saw Buford wandering up the ranch track with little Bowden in tow, but was even more surprised when the boy explained the ordeal he'd just gone through. Okay, I asked him did you walk all night long? And he said no, I slept under a tree. Dutton told 12 News Arizona and I said well, did my dog find you? And he goes, yep, and he said he followed the dog back to the house. What?
Matt Fox: 8:05
A two year old. Yeah, two year old, yeah. Followed a dog to a tree where he slept for a couple of hours and then got up and followed a dog home back to the house.
David Wright: 8:15
Yeah, he knew the child had been reported missing and was so grateful to be able to find him, realizing only later that the boy had wandered for seven miles before Buford found him Okay.
Matt Fox: 8:27
so how did Buford catch this kid seven miles away?
David Wright: 8:31
The scent from the two-year-old. How did he find him? Dutton added in between television interviews that tough desert terrain, multiple canyons and gorges and dangerous wildlife lie between his house and Bowdoin's, an area about 100 miles south of the Grand Canyon. Can I call BS a little bit?
Terica Lewis: 8:47
A little bit Maybe.
David Wright: 8:49
Okay, here we'll get some more details. Bowden had wandered away while his mother was changing her other son's diaper and his father was doing some work around the house.
David Wright: 8:57
That's how he found the scent. Oh no, I don't know. Well, that would have been the kid in the house, Right? Yeah, Unless you wipe crap on him and send him out. Hey, there are worse things. Search and rescue utilize more than one helicopter in the hunt for boat, and at one point the pilot noticed there were two mountain lions following one of the search parties, highlighting the dangers that the area could pose to a two-year-old. What the actual F man? There were about a thousand ways for that to go Really really bad, and one good way, and luckily it turned out to be the good way. Dutton said For Buford, whose total involvement was unclear. It probably seemed like just another day on the farm, Only this time it led to a steak dinner. Wow.
Matt Fox: 9:39
The dog got a steak dinner. Well for finding a two-year-old seven miles away and then leaving back matt you and I we we've talked about this.
David Wright: 9:46
We see that we do these stories every every podcast we do a story like this. Oftentimes we're like we want more we have more questions I have so many more questions right now but buford the dog. You want to see a picture of buford? Yeah, let's see here's buford all right.
Matt Fox: 10:02
So you know, big dog, you can fight off a couple of mountain lions, I think probably if you had to for giving a shirt something to smell they, they.
David Wright: 10:11
They didn't clarify it. Doesn't say in the story Buford go find kid, okay okay but it seems like the dog and the kid were just doing their own thing and and found him Like he found him. I mean yeah.
Matt Fox: 10:29
I know these questions raise these stories raise a lot of questions. That's some homeward bound bullshit right there. That is a cool story.
David Wright: 10:34
So, anyway, definitely winner of the week. Thank you, that's how winning is done yes, so now here we go, man. Thank you, thank you all right.
Matt Fox: 10:55
Thank you, niggins. Crazy, are you people on dope? All right, so not on dope yet. Nope, not yet. So I'm gonna sit back and just listen to the amazing conversation that's about to happen, all right, so let me just let me introduce terica terica lewis is a therapist.
David Wright: 11:07
We've been working together for a good 20 years probably. I mean way back we were at this clinic. That was a joke back at the time. It was a mess.
Terica Lewis: 11:15
I'm just saying and I don't know why you cleaned up.
David Wright: 11:18
Really well, we did. We ended up making something of the mess that was left, and that's that's how we've we've been working together and became friends all those years ago. So Terica's a licensed professional counselor, same license as myself. She's also a certified sex therapist. Now, when people hear that, first reaction is what they see on TV. Oh yeah you show them sexual techniques or positions.
Matt Fox: 11:43
So what are some of the things that folks will come to you like when they hear sex? Therapist says what's their immediate?
David Wright: 11:48
reaction Well, no, Matt wants to know the inappropriate reaction no, no, no, no, oh no, you know.
Matt Fox: 11:53
I want to know the actual reaction that that you think that you're going to receive from your, your patient, or from the couple that's in front of you. What are some of the things that you do to kind of introduce them to what you do as a sex therapist?
Terica Lewis: 12:10
So Each client is different. So when a client comes in front of me, I don't get inappropriate.
Matt Fox: 12:15
Of course not.
Terica Lewis: 12:16
Right, because they know exactly what they want. It's the people that just hear sex therapist.
David Wright: 12:21
Right.
Terica Lewis: 12:21
Right, you teach people how to have sex. Would you do have sex with them? Are you a freak?
Announcer : 12:26
Oh no.
David Wright: 12:27
But see, that's, that's this mindset, that. I wanted to kind of dispel right up front.
Terica Lewis: 12:31
Thank you, I right up front.
David Wright: 12:32
Thank you for that. I mean, you see TV shows and it's like oh well, there's a sex therapist there, you know.
Announcer : 12:37
I don't know.
David Wright: 12:38
I don't know, I can't even point to anything specific.
Matt Fox: 12:41
We can tongue in cheek all we want, but when it?
Matt Fox: 12:43
comes to the actual need of a couple, and you know for a sex therapist what are some of the. You know you have a big job in front of you to understand what each partner is interested in and how they should communicate with one another. So you've got a very big job in front of you. So what are some of the things and I'm going to jump right into it that you really kind of hone in on to start a session with a couple, if you will?
Terica Lewis: 13:11
Communication. Okay, and understanding what he or she is really asking for.
Matt Fox: 13:18
So let's start with ladies first in my world. So let's start with the she. So what are some of the things in your experience that are coming to the table and what they're? I'm just going to totally jump into this.
David Wright: 13:29
No, no, no. I love it. But here's the thing I love it Because this could be the answer to most. Most therapists would give the same answer. I'm guessing Right.
Terica Lewis: 13:37
So she is not feeling desired, okay. She's not feeling appreciated, right. She's not feeling wanted, she's not feeling pretty so the sex desire isn't there.
Matt Fox: 13:50
All right. So there's a reason why they're at that point. Definitely they're not feeling desired.
Terica Lewis: 13:54
They're at that point.
Matt Fox: 13:55
They're not feeling desired, they're not feeling wanted, they're not feeling like they're partners into them. So I have to say this what are they doing to communicate to their partner? Absolutely nothing.
David Wright: 14:09
That's the issue. Absolutely, I'm putting it out there.
Terica Lewis: 14:12
I've said it, I've told you over and over again.
David Wright: 14:24
And he says what are you telling me? Take out the trash M. I'm putting it out there. I've said it, I've said it. I've said it. I've said it, I've said it. I've said it, I've said it, I've said it. I've said it, I've said it, I've said it, I've said it, I've said it. I are exceptions to every rule, but I'm going to assume women need more of a connection Emotional.
Announcer : 14:42
Emotional connection to have sex with someone yes. Right, very much so.
Terica Lewis: 14:47
And if I don't feel that emotional connection, the desire of sex, the need for sex, the want for sex is not there.
Matt Fox: 14:54
So how often does a male think about sex on the daily? How often is that on his mind? Once a minute, once every.
David Wright: 15:05
I mean studies, have said you know.
Terica Lewis: 15:08
Throughout the day.
David Wright: 15:09
Many times a day.
Terica Lewis: 15:09
Yeah, you can't wait to get home Right right.
Matt Fox: 15:12
And that's something that you combat against and that men combat against, because they like physical connection, where women love the emotional connection. So what are some of the things that you help a man, a gentleman, to understand and how to connect with his partner, his wife, emotionally to help them understand where she's at.
Terica Lewis: 15:37
In the office of professional. Okay, it's all about communication, it's got it. It just always go back to that. What are you asking me for? What are you saying to me that you're not saying to me? How do me, as a therapist, get the man to understand what she is saying without saying it, without knowing how to say it and learning how to say it and how he is hearing that? Yeah, I got it.
Terica Lewis: 16:02
What he hears what he hears, not what he sees not what he sees, what he hear, because you said you want to flowers, here's flowers, but she's saying I want you to want to buy me flowers I want you to take the initiative.
David Wright: 16:16
me, flowers. I want you to take the initiative. Exactly yes.
Terica Lewis: 16:20
I want you to figure out what is my favorite flower.
Matt Fox: 16:23
Yeah, tulips.
Terica Lewis: 16:25
No, just because you've seen somebody else buy me tulips don't mean I like tulips.
Matt Fox: 16:28
Or tulips, it's for both.
Announcer : 16:35
Oh.
David Wright: 16:36
Great Odin's.
Announcer : 16:37
Raven, what in blazes are you talking about?
David Wright: 16:42
no, I but, see, here's the thing, and this kind of in in in this is not and not in any way minimizing, but but most of the time when there are communication issues in relationships, the physical relationship falters it does it. They just go hand in hand and again, men, most of the time they'll think oh well, she says I don't do enough work around the house, or I don't do the dishes, or I don't take the trash out.
David Wright: 17:04
That's just normal daily routine. But these things, that's not the real issue. The issue is being concerned about your partner, so that, oh, I do these things because I love my partner, not because I'm going to get yelled at if I don't do them. It's a whole different interaction yes.
Terica Lewis: 17:25
However, if I don't do these things, he may yell at me.
Matt Fox: 17:29
Or she may yell at me, or she may yell at me.
Terica Lewis: 17:32
If I don't have sex, I'm going to be ignored for two days, right?
David Wright: 17:35
If I don't have sex.
Terica Lewis: 17:35
I'm going to be ignored for two days. If I don't give him what he wants, then I'm going to be in a doghouse. So men are not always in a doghouse, women are too. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Matt Fox: 17:46
So there are two different roads here, two different lanes, if you will, and they have to interconnect.
David Wright: 17:51
Well, yeah, and there is overlap and yeah.
Terica Lewis: 17:53
And communication is what always falls apart, right, right. So what are some of the things that you help couples with on the communication side? What is the base the most? What?
Announcer : 18:14
Did you hear what I said? No one's listening.
Terica Lewis: 18:17
So that's what it's like. So in the definition of communication, we forget that listening is the other half of it. And if I'm only talking and I'm not listening, what am I actually hearing? What am I understanding?
Matt Fox: 18:30
Two monologues don't make a dialogue, it does.
David Wright: 18:33
Well, and I can add to that listening. Yes, you need to listen, but you also need to. I mean you need to remember. I mean you can listen to somebody but you need to take what you're given and do something with it.
Terica Lewis: 18:45
Or listen, to understand and not to respond.
Matt Fox: 18:48
Right or how not to respond negatively.
Terica Lewis: 18:51
Yes, but we communicate with our emotions. So if you say something I don't like or don't understand, or I didn't want to hear I can't believe you said that to me I'm going to respond with that and not with what's actually on the table. Yeah.
David Wright: 19:06
And I know communication breakdown happens. So here's the thing and a lot of things I run into with couples and let me throw this at you Go ahead as they get older and when I say older I'm talking like you know, 40s, 50s, 60s, you know into adulthood and a lot of times the physical part of sex it's not, as I'm trying to think of, good before, it's not as pertinent as it would have been in younger years. For a lot of people, either they start having self-image issues or old issues, or for men, erectile dysfunction comes into play.
Matt Fox: 19:44
Insecurities are coming.
David Wright: 19:45
And so a lot of these things play into. You know, for a lot of couples that don't have a good, intimate relationship, it's all of these things that come into play.
Terica Lewis: 19:56
And watch this, because I don't say that to you. Their lack of communication again stops that, Because I don't want to go to you and say, well, I don't feel like I did when I was 20.
Announcer : 20:08
I don't feel like I did when I was 22.
Terica Lewis: 20:11
Instead, I'm saying you're not doing the things you used to do. It's easier to blame you than myself, sure.
Matt Fox: 20:20
I mean, that's no, it's your fault.
Terica Lewis: 20:22
No, it's really your fault.
Matt Fox: 20:26
It's everybody's fault, because they're not communicating.
David Wright: 20:29
But, but I but these things come into play. And you're right, it would be very difficult, especially and I'll play because I'm a man, I can play this side that if you're having erectile dysfunction you probably don't that's not. The first thing you do is go to your wife and say I'm having an issue, no, you just start avoiding it so you don't have to deal with it. And then she thinks he's having an affair, or he's not interested in me, or he doesn't want to be intimate.
Matt Fox: 20:52
Is this the old?
David Wright: 20:52
adage if it's not you, it's me. I mean it could be, but it's not verbalized that way. Again we go back to communication and it's very difficult for men to kind of admit they have an issue. The pride gets in the way or whatever.
Terica Lewis: 21:07
Because my wife don't want to hear that.
Matt Fox: 21:09
Well, most wives don't want to hear that their husband's having an issue.
Terica Lewis: 21:13
Exactly.
Matt Fox: 21:16
So I'm not going to tell.
David Wright: 21:17
So help me understand why you don't want to tell me, because men are insecure.
Matt Fox: 21:24
And that's a man's livelihood, to be able to perform in bed.
Terica Lewis: 21:27
Of course.
David Wright: 21:30
That's a definition of a man. That's her emotional livelihood, right.
Terica Lewis: 21:33
But that's the definition of a man. You's her emotional livelihood Right, but that's the definition of a man.
Matt Fox: 21:35
You could be a stud in your 20s, but when you hit your 30s, 40s and 50s and then you're taking a blue pill in your 60s you still have resources for you to not be able to communicate your needs Into a partner.
David Wright: 21:49
No, no, but you're talking in the common sense world.
Matt Fox: 21:52
I am. I'm a very common sense person.
David Wright: 21:55
But that's not how people interact, that's not how they communicate. Yeah, it's very difficult for me to understand. People have a very difficult time admitting when there's something wrong. Exactly Especially that. Because it's a threat to males' manhoods. It is, and that's why they don't bring it up or they don't talk about it.
Matt Fox: 22:15
Imagine a manhoods it is, and that's why they don't bring it up or they don't talk about it. Imagine a woman that you marry. I was. I was married for 22 years, was married for 20 years I know I'm gonna I'm gonna. I'm in a glorious partnership right now with a young lady and it's fantastic, but those 22 years are difficult, so go on yeah so.
David Wright: 22:30
So my point being is that that. So so's say, let's run with that example. A man's having erectile dysfunction, he doesn't tell his wife. He's beating himself up for it like, oh, I'm not good anymore, but the woman doesn't know what he's thinking. So now she thinks I'm not attractive anymore, he's not into me. Exactly, I have to do something, something's wrong with me, and then you just have this divide that just exists, and then both people just go through the motions of being relationship, but we used to have a lot of sex and I can't have it.
Matt Fox: 23:26
You start off hot and heavy and things just happen.
Terica Lewis: 23:28
She don't want to hear that she's going to go outside and find a man.
Matt Fox: 23:33
Yeah, outside of the relationship relationship right but those again.
Terica Lewis: 23:39
The lack of communication, sure, because there are some women who want and may have ideas of what can I do to help, what do we need to do to help each other?
Matt Fox: 23:48
and that's the man saying that, or is that?
David Wright: 23:50
the woman, that's the woman saying that to the man okay so what happens, and and so so we know it comes down to communication and being open with each other. So so let's get into more specific things and and this, this is a we know this show's not for kids, because we've, we haven't, we have over 17 rating online we do because we talk about sensitive issues on this podcast as far as therapy and hypnosis.
David Wright: 24:16
So for you, when people come in with an individual issue, I have ed, or I have vaginismus, or I have uh, vaginismus, yeah, it's a it's, it's a it.
Terica Lewis: 24:29
It doesn't lubricate I was about to say it may be a dry spell. Yes, yes, okay, okay, thank you, thank you for putting that in layman's terms.
David Wright: 24:37
So so when people come in with with physical symptoms like that, do you feel like that's like there's a connection emotionally that's causing that, or do you feel like it could just be physiological?
Terica Lewis: 24:50
It could be both it actually can be both. Um, logical, it could be both. It actually can be both. As we as people, we grow older, our bodies do change. These are not the same as it was as when we were younger. However, sometimes the emotional connection causes these things, because of the thoughts that I have controls my body. So if I feel like I'm not attractive, this shouldn't be working anyway. So if I feel like I'm not attractive.
Terica Lewis: 25:15
This shouldn't be working anyway. Uh, yeah, right, I can see that, yeah yeah, so I can understand that yeah if I don't feel attractive, then my lady parts doesn't feel attractive, so we're not going to do the things that we're supposed to do when we feel attractive on the flip side, the men, the man would feel the same way definitely yeah, if this is, if this isn't attractive, then that ain't working sure but.
David Wright: 25:34
But then it can also go back and forth, because, again, if a woman is having a problem with lubrication, then the man feels like, oh, I'm not turning her on.
Terica Lewis: 25:42
Exactly. So even if I communicate this with you, you still looking at it like you're just not attracted to me. Yeah.
Matt Fox: 25:50
But there are things that can happen to help one another become excited, become Well, sure, right, and it's just that communication that helps them to understand what their each other's bodies need to get to that point.
David Wright: 26:03
In order for that to happen. Correct me if I'm wrong. And again common sense man, Both parties. Both parties need to acknowledge what their part is in it and again for a man admitting as ED. That's very difficult For a woman that she has intimacy issues. Physiologically that's difficult for her because it's an acknowledgement of our humanity. It is Because that is not unusual when you get into your 50s and 60s and above.
Terica Lewis: 26:32
It's not and and some people who gets 50, who turns 50 and above, they desire is Very high.
David Wright: 26:43
You mean their sex drive is very yes.
Matt Fox: 26:46
For men and women.
Terica Lewis: 26:47
Yes, it doesn't always. The sex drive doesn't always go downhill. No, it can odor.
Matt Fox: 26:54
Are there? Are there peaks and valleys, or is it more peak, peak, peak, peak, peak and the valley, depending on the partner? Just never happens. It could be, see, that's what we should strive for as a couple, isn't it?
Terica Lewis: 27:08
But we have to do that together. Yeah, you can't be peaking and I'm still at the valley Right.
Matt Fox: 27:12
So you got to bring your partner along through your peak.
Terica Lewis: 27:16
Your partner got to want to come to pun intended yes absolutely.
Announcer : 27:28
What happened? Clean up your desk, you're gone.
David Wright: 27:35
So so those issues, again physiological issues come into play. I know, with age there's a lot of different challenges that come along with it. Um, let's, let's go back a little bit. Okay, say, say, you're looking, working with a couple. They're in a relationship. One party doesn't matter which we can, in fact, genders don't matter in this conversation okay, two partners are together fair and one partner is, let's say, a little more adventurous than the other partner and this becomes a point of contention tension in the relationship.
David Wright: 28:09
Okay, so so for you. How would you approach that with both people being in the room?
Terica Lewis: 28:18
How would I approach that?
Matt Fox: 28:21
You want to think about it.
Terica Lewis: 28:22
No, because I love activities. So when I do have a couple in front of me and they have the sex drive and they want to have sex with each other, however, one is more adventurous than the other.
David Wright: 28:34
Sure.
Terica Lewis: 28:39
Let's talk about it. When you say you're adventurous, in what way Let your partner know that you want to try new things, you want to try new positions. However, the woman then starts feeling like he's going to think I'm a freak, that all I think is all I think about is sex. All I want is sex, or that I'm having sex with somebody else who has peaked my interest somewhere else. So again, it's that conversation. I tell a lot of couples don't just talk about sex when it's not happening.
Terica Lewis: 29:02
Let's talk about sex when it's fun.
Matt Fox: 29:04
Let's talk about sex after sex, when you're in the throes of it, right?
David Wright: 29:07
Yes.
Matt Fox: 29:08
What do you want? Well, yeah.
David Wright: 29:10
And like debrief afterwards yes, well, yeah, and debrief afterwards yes, was it good.
Terica Lewis: 29:13
Should I do something different? Are you ready to use that See?
Matt Fox: 29:15
that's interesting because a lot of folks they just want to cuddle and just enjoy the quietness and the togetherness at that point, but to have a discussion as to what would you have liked me to do more of, is that a question?
David Wright: 29:30
But I feel like that's something it can be. I mean it should be, I think, but I feel like that's something I can't. I mean it should. It should be, I think, but I feel like this is something that happens in the beginning of relationships.
Matt Fox: 29:42
However, more often than it does more so now in an established relationship but when you're in that established relationship, if it's been the same old, same old for how many years and you want to spice it up now, you should start asking those questions. What could I have done differently?
David Wright: 29:55
uh, I, or when I, when I hear that scenario, here's where my mind goes okay you know, we've been doing the same thing for years. Let's spice it up. Then one of the one of the partners is going to be like oh shit he's looking for.
Terica Lewis: 30:08
He or she's looking for something different, or more, or something I can't get fine, okay, that's fine that she sure that one or the other partner has that. What is this person looking for?
Matt Fox: 30:19
but it's there. That's again going back to the communication. They're starting to talk about what could I have done differently, or what can, what can we do?
David Wright: 30:25
more of that would spice this up well, but then the challenge comes, and again I'm just throwing in a monkey wrench into this. Because what if one partner says I want to have a threesome and the other partner is like, definitely not I can give you something else if you don't have an extra person.
Terica Lewis: 30:43
What else could I give you?
Matt Fox: 30:44
Okay, so we need to save that for the next episode yeah, we're going to start on that, because we are going to come back.
David Wright: 30:51
Tarek is with us for two episodes and we are going to come back and we're going to start off with that one, right off the bat.
Matt Fox: 31:00
I'm teasing you, it's crazy.
David Wright: 31:05
So before we go, folks, we are going to be back. Those on Facebook live stick around. We're going to be doing another episode. Those of you on audio, whatever platform you're on, skip ahead to the next episode. If it's not there, it will be there next Tuesday or Thursday. Thank, you. All right, before we go, somebody needs a home. Who dat Bella?
Terica Lewis: 31:21
Bella. Bella needs a home.
David Wright: 31:22
Bella's a Yorkie mix. She's a female, 15 pounds. She's dog-friendly, cat-friendly, unknown.
Matt Fox: 31:30
She prefers adults. She prefers adults, she prefers adults. Yes, bella's kids, okay.
David Wright: 31:34
She doesn't like kids. She was born in 2020, so she's probably about four or five years old, but Bella is here.
Matt Fox: 31:39
Look at Bella. Look at that. I can understand why she doesn't like cats very much because she's as big as a cat.
David Wright: 31:48
Well, she's only 15 pounds. So if you want, to take a look.
Matt Fox: 31:52
She wants all the attention. She really does. Bella is looking for a home. I'm not a dog person.
Terica Lewis: 32:01
Are you a cat person? I'm not an animal person at all.
Matt Fox: 32:02
That's fair. We'll talk about that in the next episode.
Terica Lewis: 32:05
But Bella needs a home somebody.
Matt Fox: 32:07
Bella needs a home. She's adorable. What in?
Announcer : 32:10
blazes are you talking about? What the fuck are you doing?
David Wright: 32:19
So, anyway, bella needs a home. Detroitdogrescuecom slash adopt. She wants to be on your lap. I'm just looking at you like that. Alrighty folks, that is our episode. Change your thinking, change your life. Laugh hard, run fast, be kind. We'll see you next time.