Motor City Hypnotist
Motor City Hypnotist
Fifty Shades of Communication: The Truth About Sex Therapy - Part 2
What if everything you thought you knew about intimacy was wrong? In this eye-opening conversation with licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist Terica Lewis, we explore how our narrow understanding of intimacy creates relationship problems that many couples never fully address.
Most people immediately equate intimacy with sex, but as Terica brilliantly explains, "Intimacy is a conversation. Intimacy is how somebody makes you feel when you're not with them." This profound perspective shift unlocks a deeper understanding of why many relationships struggle despite seeming functional on the surface. When physical touch only happens during sex, partners miss countless opportunities for meaningful connection throughout their day—holding hands, sharing a spontaneous hug, or simply sitting close while watching TV.
The discussion takes fascinating turns as we examine why affairs happen (hint: it's rarely just about sexual dissatisfaction), the psychological burden of feeling unable to say "no" to sex, and how insecurity manifests differently across genders. Terica's insights illuminate how many people—particularly women—perform sexually out of obligation rather than desire, creating a cycle of resentment that further erodes genuine connection.
Perhaps most powerful is our exploration of "normal" and how the pursuit of normality prevents authentic self-expression. "What is weird?" Terica asks, challenging the very foundation of how we judge ourselves and others. This conversation reveals that true intimacy begins with self-knowledge—understanding your desires, boundaries, and what genuinely brings you joy.
Whether you're in a relationship or single, this episode offers invaluable perspective on how to create deeper connections through honest communication and meaningful touch. Subscribe now and join the conversation about what intimacy really means beyond the bedroom.
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Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
David Wright: 0:00
In this episode of the Motor City Hematist Podcast, we are back with our special guest, terica Lewis, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, and we're having a great time having a conversation. We're learning things. Yeah, we're going to have another session, so hang in there, folks, we'll be right back.
Announcer: 0:17
We're so going to communicate this sounds like something for the authorities in Detroit. Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102 and then dying at the city of Detroit.
Matt Fox: 0:28
Guys like this can't take over here. Out of Detroit Spawned in the hellfires of Motown, take him to Detroit.
Speaker 4: 0:38
No, no, not Detroit. No, no, please, anything but that no.
Announcer: 0:42
Stationed in Drambuie. It's worse than Detroit. We did not have, as a unit, the confidence that we felt like we needed to beat Detroit. Let's go to Detroit.
Speaker 4: 0:53
Now you're talking brother?
Announcer: 0:55
I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now. Do they have many farms in Detroit? Detroit to Michigan.
Matt Fox: 1:02
I go to school, I know where Detroit is.
Announcer: 1:04
Get ready for the Motor City hypnotist, david R Wright. Originating from the suburbs of Detroit, michigan, he has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome the Motor City Hypnotist, david R Wright what is going on, my friends?
David Wright: 1:53
this is david wright, the motor city hypnotist, and we are back with another episode of the motor city hypnotist podcast. We are here in the palatial podcast your voice, southfield studios, hanging out on a Monday evening doing a podcast. You don't have a drink, you don't have a special guest with us. Also, it's a great night.
Matt Fox: 2:11
You don't have a producer. I'm sorry You're there, man, I know how to.
David Wright: 2:14
I know how to work the thing All right, some are another.
Announcer: 2:17
I didn't mess it up.
Speaker 4: 2:17
So, I taught you Well, teacher.
David Wright: 2:21
So let me tell you first where you can find me folks. My website is motorcityhypnotistcom. Especially now we're in prom and grad season, when you're hearing this, you're probably approaching one or the other in your school. If you're in a family committee, reach out, go right to the website. You can have a quote in minutes without ever talking to anybody, and you can book it online Easy peasy. Reserve your spot's. It's a pretty busy season, but I do have some openings, so reach out if you have any questions. My social media facebook and youtube are both motor city hypnotist. Snapchat, instagram and tiktok are all motor city. No h-y-p-n-o. Tiktok still a thing. It's still out there. I mean, still there, right, I mean I'm not super active on it, but I know it is what it is. Yeah, it's, it's another way to reach people. So and free hypnosis guide text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. We have done this all the way back to episode number one and we're on episode 304 tonight. That's crazy. I know it's crazy. It's bizarre.
David Wright: 3:24
We are spotter plus four text that hypnosis to that number three, one, three, 800, eight, five, one, zero. Within a few minutes you'll get a text message with your hypnosis guide attached and also a link to leave a review. You can leave a review of the podcast. You can leave a review of one of my shows. You can leave a review if you've seen me as a client. All of those apply, it's all the same business. Leave a review. It greatly helps us out and helps me out. As far as the algorithms, crazy algorithms and, important thing, whatever platform you're listening on to the podcast, please link, connect, subscribe, whatever you do on your platform and also leave a review there, because we want to build our audience, we want to get to more people. We want to build our audience. We want to get to more people, we want to grow our audience.
Matt Fox: 4:07
I want to add to that yes, and if you enjoy what you're hearing and the content and the commiseration that we have with one another commiseration share with your friends. I will share with your friends, absolutely I was at an appointment today and I shared the heck out of this and I'm like, hey, you need to listen to this show because it's fun, it's intriguing. It's a couple of middle-aged guys just talking about things and hypnotism and all the great things that are out there.
David Wright: 4:36
Sure, absolutely. I like this in the background.
Speaker 4: 4:42
It's nothing, it's all good, that's much appreciated, Matt.
David Wright: 4:46
I do love it. I love that you do that my dental hygienist. Leave a review and hopefully your dental hygienist will come and listen. Oh, good for you.
Matt Fox: 4:56
Shannon, please join me, so does time.
Speaker 4: 4:59
That's how winning is done All right, david.
David Wright: 5:10
Okay, we're going to have another story about a good story. All these stories are typically good and inspirational and feel good. Often they leave us asking a lot of questions. That's okay, that's okay, that's okay.
David Wright: 5:20
An 81-year-old restaurant server named Betty in Pittsburgh must have been smiling the rest of her shift. A woman had given her an outsized $40 tip. She might have thought this was the end of their interaction, but Betty could not have imagined what that $40 tip would lead to. Tammy Conzier, a Pittsburgh-based esthetician and TikToker, had taken her son Leo to eat at a local restaurant called Eaton Park. And when she heard Betty confide to another customer that she struggled to finish out her shifts from back pain but couldn't retire due to financial difficulties 81 years old, yep. The small $910 Social Security check in the mail wasn't enough. So this, this 81 year old's, getting 910 a month for social security, working as a waitress already. It's just like go on.
David Wright: 6:17
Moved by betty's plate, concier whipped out her phone and pressed record. If I make one video go viral, let this be the one Describing to her fans Betty's situation. She announced she'd give any proceeds that her TikTok creator rewards program might generate from the post to Betty and postscripted the video. By offering Betty $40 or all the money in my purse, betty was moved and grateful and ensured Kosher that even at 81 she can still outdo all these young whippersnappers. Concierge got her wish. The post went viral within 24 hours. She had received so many requests for a place to donate that she had to set up a GoFundMe to channel the generosity. Perfect. How much was raised?
David Wright: 7:04
at $140,000 amen channel the generosity perfect. Wow, how much was raised at 140 000 amen. She went to tell betty the news. Amen to that. I think I better get a financial advisor, betty said clearly stunned you don't know what this is going to help me for. Concierge posted a couple of updates on the situation and every time the GoFundMe swelled until it reached $300,000. How long ago was this Like April?
Matt Fox: 7:32
Okay, so this month.
David Wright: 7:33
I don't have a date.
Matt Fox: 7:34
This month.
David Wright: 7:35
Yes, okay, yes, go on. I cannot express how grateful Betty is for her retirement fund. Conzier wrote in the final update on the fundraiser. Tanzier wrote in the final update on the fundraiser. My lawyer, max Petrunia, and I have set up Betty with an elder law attorney, colin Morgan of Julian Gray associates. We are in the process of setting up a trust fund for Betty so her social services are not affected. Thank you again for your donations. We expect this fund to go. I'm sorry. We expect to close the fund me at the end of April. Okay, fair, yep, so it just happened.
Matt Fox: 8:07
She's over $300,000. From a post on the tick tock yes, from a person she had in the restaurant, yes, from a from a patron, from a patron who was a tick tocker and influencer, yep. And they said hey if you can do.
David Wright: 8:26
Uh-huh, that's incredible. Yes, all the proceeds, betty. All the proceeds, thousand dollars. But even to add to that, she also hooked them up with a, with an elder law attorney, to handle this right, to put it in a trust so that her, her social security income's not affected I was about to say, because if you make so much money, right, so yes, so, so they got, they got an attorney working to work that out so how much is the attorney going to? Cost. Well see, I don't know, because I mean at that point it doesn't matter.
David Wright: 8:49
But you're still even so, you're still way ahead.
Terica Lewis: 8:52
I mean you are. Did she retire?
David Wright: 8:56
It doesn't say. It doesn't say See that's the question. That is the question I would have.
Speaker 4: 9:01
There's always a question on these stories, because I'm not making that much money.
David Wright: 9:05
Well, she's 81.
Terica Lewis: 9:06
Exactly and how?
Matt Fox: 9:06
much is that that's going to last for a while and she's in Pittsburgh.
David Wright: 9:10
Come on, it's $300,000. She's 81.
Terica Lewis: 9:13
But 81? Someone hired her still.
David Wright: 9:15
Wow, I mean unless she's been doing there. So I don't know.
Matt Fox: 9:22
She may have retired a number of years earlier and already been there.
Terica Lewis: 9:26
But there are some good, vibrant 81-year-olds.
Matt Fox: 9:29
There are some beautiful, vibrant 81-year-olds.
Terica Lewis: 9:31
Yeah, so okay, maybe.
David Wright: 9:34
You know, and there were no photos in this story, so I couldn't get a visual. This is why.
Matt Fox: 9:39
I love Winter of the Week.
David Wright: 9:41
I know, Because it sparked so many other questions and they're great stories, but we want more. Yeah, and we've talked about this.
Matt Fox: 9:48
Matt and I've dropped the ball on this for years Got to get these people I want to contact these people and get them on.
David Wright: 9:54
That's, that's our, really our goal is to get some of these winners on and talk to them. That'd be nice. I think it'd be great the great, the people who initiated it, the people who benefited that would be a great great.
Announcer: 10:04
Just to continue there.
David Wright: 10:09
I'm going to put it out there right now with witnesses.
Terica Lewis: 10:12
I promise I will work on this.
Matt Fox: 10:13
We'll talk offline because I want to help you and I always want to be a proponent of that, and go on. I'm so supportive. Yes, you are.
Speaker 4: 10:24
Oh, good for you.
Matt Fox: 10:25
Shut up, you don't know me.
David Wright: 10:30
That is our winner of the week.
Speaker 4: 10:39
That's how winning is done.
Matt Fox: 10:41
Yes, it is so back to it. So here we are.
Speaker 4: 10:44
We need to continue to communicate here we is, so back to it, Alright so we need to continue.
Matt Fox: 10:45
So here we are, we need to continue to communicate here, we are.
David Wright: 10:48
We are going to communicate. Terica Lewis is with us. Licensed professional counselor, certified sex therapist. That is the correct title, correct? Yes, just making sure, make sure I'm saying it correctly. So we ended up last session and if you haven't listened to last session, jump back one. Or you can watch it now or jump back and listen to that one later. So we were talking to Terica, who is a certified sex therapist, and we ended last session with. Because we talked about communication is really the underlying theme of a lot of this. But we talked about when people have a different how about different sexual preferences, let's say, and when you put those two people together, how do you navigate that? And the example I brought up was what if one person says I want to do a threesome?
David Wright: 11:30
and the other one is like no way. So how would you just in general, if that was just the first thing that came out, how would you go about addressing that?
Terica Lewis: 11:39
Why is that something you want, and why is that something you want with her?
Matt Fox: 11:42
That's a loaded question.
Terica Lewis: 11:45
But however, it is because some people just want it, because they never had it that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast and it does it does, because why do you want this now, after all these years we've been together? Why another person in our bedroom is something that you want? What are you missing from me?
Matt Fox: 12:07
The bedroom is a sacred space, and to bring a stranger to the partner, well, it might be somebody they know.
Terica Lewis: 12:15
It could be.
Matt Fox: 12:15
It could be.
Terica Lewis: 12:17
But it's a stranger in the bedroom.
Speaker 4: 12:19
It's a stranger in the bedroom.
Matt Fox: 12:20
But, what if it's someone that they both know?
David Wright: 12:23
Well, that actually has happened, that happens quite a bit.
Speaker 4: 12:25
It happens all the time.
David Wright: 12:26
It's somebody they know already.
Matt Fox: 12:29
That's so strange to me. For someone like me, I'm interested in bringing this individual into the bedroom. It's a sacred space that these two individuals have shared together one-on-one.
David Wright: 12:40
For a lot of people, though, it's more like a I'm trying to think of a way to describe it it's almost like a playground where we can invite whoever we want.
Terica Lewis: 12:50
And for some people that is the place, because I know the person opposed to it being a stranger, right yeah.
Matt Fox: 12:56
Is it easier if it's just a stranger or if it's somebody that they both know? I think there's more risk if it's somebody they know.
Terica Lewis: 13:03
It depends on the couple. That's fair, because, whether it's a stranger or somebody we know, there's still a lot of how do I know you're not contacting that person behind my back?
Matt Fox: 13:13
Right.
Terica Lewis: 13:14
This is so here and now, for the man when y'all having tea, is that all y'all really having Right?
David Wright: 13:21
Well, and I've had this situation. I mean, we've been doing this. I've been doing it for 32 years, you've been doing it for over 20. So, um so, these situations come up, and and I've talked to clients about this and a lot of times here's what happens. I think that you can be, I guess, have multiple partners if both parties, but here's the thing that's so promiscuous though, but it can work in very certain situations. Now, here's the problem, though there has to be complete trust and communication and openness, and the problem that is that many people start to bring other parties in and they're not at that place.
Announcer: 14:05
That escalated quickly. Yeah, I mean that really got out of hand fast.
David Wright: 14:09
So it could work if both parties were both equally invested and open and communicative and accepting. But oftentimes one party wants it more than the other and the other one kind of acquiesces because of the other person's desire.
Terica Lewis: 14:25
It could. However, they also look for that person who's open to that, opposed to someone who they think is open to it, opposed to someone who they think is open to it. Where it starts off, a lot of couples like to hang out. You hang out with her, you hang out with him, we hang out together so that we can really get to know each other and see if this is really what you can deal with, what you can handle.
David Wright: 14:51
And I believe again, I think, according to my limited mind it's very rare that that works because most people don't have a trusting, honest, open relationship.
Terica Lewis: 15:09
It's not really rare.
David Wright: 15:11
No.
Terica Lewis: 15:11
It does work Okay. It works for those who want it to work Right and it's really common. It's not rare so.
David Wright: 15:20
So let me ask it a different way is it? Is it, I think the the act itself is common, bringing another person in or multiple people in, okay, but I, I think the, the a majority. The majority of times it doesn't work out ideally. I don't know. What do you think?
Terica Lewis: 15:40
I think it works because all parties want it to work. There's a lot of parties who I want this to be this way because we started off communicating, we started off trusting each other, we started here, so there's a lot. We may not know about a lot of them because a lot of people don't talk about it.
David Wright: 15:59
Well, that's true. What?
Terica Lewis: 15:59
are you going to think of me if I told you?
David Wright: 16:01
Well, that's a great point, Erica, because when people come in to see me and they're having issues, typically let's say they've had partners in or other people in, but it was never a solid relationship to begin with. So you're just adding fuel to a fire there, Right?
Matt Fox: 16:20
And I think the terminology to be a layman swingers, yes, okay, that's a swinger mentality, right, they bring other folks into their bedroom and they have a good time with one another, but typically those aren't folks that they just know. Those are folks that they just bring in that are strangers.
Terica Lewis: 16:39
Yes, cause that's all about sex. Right, swinging is just about sex.
Matt Fox: 16:43
Okay.
Terica Lewis: 16:43
However, the ripples and the re, and not the reasons, but the, the terms to have a relationship becomes different, and swinging is not a relationship.
Matt Fox: 16:53
Okay, All right. So, and that's where I'm trying to understand the the difference between swinger mentality and throppos.
Terica Lewis: 17:00
You said Throppos, they call them triads.
David Wright: 17:05
Yeah, right.
Terica Lewis: 17:06
Many different terms for these different types of relationships. However, those are the terms for relationships. Swingers are the terms for hey. Are the terms for hey, we having drinks tonight?
David Wright: 17:17
yeah, right let's yeah let's go, let's have drinks tonight right, but we already know we're gonna end up sure, but even with the swinging the sex, because again, that's based solely on a physical interaction for them in most cases, but that even there has to be some level of trust and communication with your partner, because one one partner might be like 100 gung-ho and the other one's like 40% and be like I'm just going to do it because this is what he or she wants.
Matt Fox: 17:44
I enjoyed the turkey sandwich. It was great.
Terica Lewis: 17:49
But I don't want it all the time.
David Wright: 17:51
Right yeah, right yeah. So so that comes, and that kind of kind of leads me into another thing as far as, just as far as, like extramarital relationships. Why do you think people have affairs? That's a very broad, general term. It happens all the time.
Matt Fox: 18:12
Can I take that question and kind of turn it around? Sure, why do you? Why do you think individuals in a relationship think their partner?
Terica Lewis: 18:25
or husband or wife are having an affair. I still hear two different questions.
Matt Fox: 18:27
Okay, Right, there are two different questions.
Terica Lewis: 18:29
Okay, so why do people have affairs? Many different reasons.
Announcer: 18:35
It could be financially.
Terica Lewis: 18:37
It could be physical, it could be. It could be a whole lot of reasons. It could be just the mindset, for right now, most people that have affairs they want them to last if the wife doesn't know. But once they find out some of them want to rekindle this over here. Yeah, some people only rekindle it because the other opposite sex, because the partner finds out right, so it makes them more interested. It starts over, it becomes new again.
Matt Fox: 19:05
Uh, your question my question was why? Why is it that individuals think that their partner or husband or wife may be having an affair?
Terica Lewis: 19:20
Because we're not doing anything. We may be having sex, but we're not going to the show. We may be having sex, but we're not outside as much as we were when we first met. We may not be having sex at all. The financials is so messed up, we're about to lose our house and you're not touching me. You must be having sex at all. The financials is so messed up, we're about to lose our house and you're not touching me. You must be having an affair yeah, just just the.
Matt Fox: 19:42
The physical touch in a relationship is so incredibly important, very in in my experience, when you walk by someone and touch their butt, right, you walk by them and just and it. Right, you walk by them and just and it's just a gentle, you know, nudge across their butt. That is a set, that is a emotional, that is a physical touch. It can be now here.
David Wright: 20:04
Here's where that I'm going to throw.
Matt Fox: 20:06
I'm going to throw you a curve ball. I do, I do, he does, I love it.
David Wright: 20:12
So, and I've had a lot of I I. This just is based on the population, but more women go to therapy than men. So I've a lot of experience talking to women over the last 32 years. A lot of them don't like the groping, the grabbing, but the men think that's a sign of affection and they've never said anything that that really bothers me. But for the man it's just like oh, it's because I, I'm into you, I find you attractive.
Matt Fox: 20:40
And that that's where. That's where my mentality is, that I walk by and I and I grope your butt or I touch your butt as I walk by. I'm not squeezing.
Announcer: 20:49
I'm not squeezing your ass.
Matt Fox: 20:51
I just have gentle you.
David Wright: 20:58
I just have gentle, you know like I walk. Okay, so let me put it in a different light, because this is a question I ask couples when I when I have couples all the time, I'm like take sex out of it for the time being what, what other physical things do you do together? When you watch TV, do you sit together or do you sit on separate sides of the room? When you drive in the car, do you hold hands? Sure, when you're going drive in the car, do you hold hands? Sure, when you're going for a walk, do you put your arms around?
Terica Lewis: 21:18
so physical touch does not necessarily mean you're touching my body parts.
David Wright: 21:21
That exactly in a sexual way.
Matt Fox: 21:23
That's correct. Exactly that's what I'm trying to get to. Yes, so.
Terica Lewis: 21:27
But when you're walking past me in the kitchen and I'm cooking and you slide your hand through, I still feel like you're. You're want to have sex tonight? Yeah, no.
Matt Fox: 21:38
Okay, that's understood.
David Wright: 21:40
Right, but see that that's where, but when we?
Terica Lewis: 21:42
was at the party. When that comes in?
David Wright: 21:44
right, all right, but but that tells me a lot, because if couples say, yeah, we watch TV every night, but he sits in a chair and I sit in a chair on this side of the room and it's not, that's not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but but there, if there's no like intimate connection aside from sex, that's that's where I see a problem, a lot of times because the only time they become physical is when they have sex and one or the other party eventually wants more, or the other one just doesn't feel it because they don't get it the 23 hours of the day that are left, or the 23 hours and 59 minutes that are left.
Matt Fox: 22:24
That depends on your age. Exactly. Shooting blanks, he's a two-minute brother. That escalated quickly. That really got ahead fast. What happened? No, but your point is taken. Yes, it's absolutely taken. It's not a sexual contact, it's more of a. I'm thinking of you and I just love how you feel.
David Wright: 22:57
And I can bring up a couple of specific examples. And this is something even though my parents divorced when I was eight, I remember distinctly as a child them standing in the living room or the kitchen and just being embraced in a hug. Yeah, no kissing, no, just a hug. And I saw that a lot growing up, which is unusual because they did get divorced, but totally different story. But as a child you just see that and it's like oh there's. You know, there was nothing creepy or weird about it, it just was kind of nice. And I think a lot of couples don't have intimacy outside of sex.
Terica Lewis: 23:39
Because intimate in some married couples mean sex. Intimate doesn't mean a conversation. Intimacy doesn't mean an outing. Intimacy doesn't mean what? When people think of the word intimacy, they automatically relate that to sex.
Matt Fox: 24:02
Intimacy is a conversation. Intimacy is how somebody makes you feel when you're not with them. Intimacy is a conversation that you have with yourself about that other individual. Yeah, yes, and, and you know okay, common sense thinking. Hey, he's the common sense guy, I won't individual. Yeah, yes, and you know again, common sense thinking.
Terica Lewis: 24:22
Hey, he's the common sense guy. Yeah Well, no exactly.
Matt Fox: 24:25
But the intimacy to me is you know you enjoy being next to somebody, whether you're watching television, whether you're in a car with somebody, you're holding each other's hand on a walk or what have you. It's the togetherness. It doesn't have to be intercourse, it doesn't have to be the, the sexual.
David Wright: 24:46
In an ideal world, and I agree, that is that is true, but an ideal. But in this world many people don't think that way because they've not, they've not, I don't know, is it?
Matt Fox: 24:58
more of a they're. They're not mature enough to think about it that way.
David Wright: 25:03
I just think it based on your upbringing and your experiences.
Terica Lewis: 25:05
Back in the day, intimacy wasn't a thing. It was. It was hidden. Sex was even hidden. It wasn't a conversation. It's nothing that a lot of parents taught their kids to have and to know about. So as we grow up and teach ourselves, intimacy means sex. He likes me because we have sex.
Matt Fox: 25:27
She likes me because we have sex.
Terica Lewis: 25:29
Exactly, and so now I don't know what intimacy means, unless we are having intercourse.
Matt Fox: 25:35
Right yeah, and it's not about the verbal communication.
Terica Lewis: 25:39
And it's not just about hugging in the kitchen Right.
Speaker 4: 25:42
Right.
Terica Lewis: 25:42
If we're not actually having intercourse, then I don't know what intimacy is.
David Wright: 25:50
Well, that is the big challenge, because that for most people it's sex, that sex is the only physical interaction they have.
Terica Lewis: 25:57
So can we kind of turn what I do as a sex therapist yes?
David Wright: 26:02
please.
Terica Lewis: 26:02
Even in a relationship, um married couples. If I have grew up and this is what sex and this is what intimacy has meant to me, and now I'm learning, and now I'm with you and I decide that I don't want to do it no more, Then there's a fine line between am I only having sex with this person because this is what I know? And if I say no, what does that mean for my partner?
Terica Lewis: 26:34
And no is a big word, but I'm afraid to say no because all my friends or past relationships liked me because of it. So now I'm married, I'm still afraid to say no.
Matt Fox: 26:47
But the word no is still a big word and it means so many different connotations to who I'm with.
David Wright: 26:55
Yes, it does, and go on, dave, but to add to that, somebody. Somebody says no, there's a reason. Now it doesn't if you're the partner and not the person saying no. At that point it doesn't matter what the reason is it the person says no, you respect it, but here's the typical interaction.
David Wright: 27:14
Now I'm gonna I'm gonna pick gender sides, unfortunately, because this is what we see more often. Men want sex, women withhold it, men get pissed, and that is just so unfair because you're you're saying, you have a duty, that that's really what they're saying, and you can't, regardless of what you think, I'm gonna say fuck you to that.
Matt Fox: 27:35
Well, no, I agree, which you should that?
David Wright: 27:38
That shouldn't happen. That is really what happens in many relationships is that women do it out of obligation. They don't enjoy it, they don't want to do it, but they feel like if they don't do it he's being withheld at home. So I'll go somewhere else and get it Sure.
Terica Lewis: 28:02
Well, he or she won't do, somebody else will.
David Wright: 28:07
Only for a time being.
Terica Lewis: 28:09
Of course, because this is the outcome. That's one of those reasons why I've seen this.
David Wright: 28:15
I can probably say hundreds of times, man or woman, either one, I'm not getting what I want at home. I go out and get it, that one falls apart, that one gets angry. Now I got to find another one and it ends up just being the cycle of searching and you're never going to get what you want because you're not happy with yourself. That's the point, that's the whole underlying thing.
Terica Lewis: 28:37
I don't know that. I don't know that. That's why.
David Wright: 28:39
I'm doing that, but I don't know that, right, I don't know that that's why I'm doing that.
Terica Lewis: 28:43
I don't know that I'm not happy because I have everything that I need. I have everything I want. I really should be happy. So I'm not happy, though, but I don't know that I'm not going to tell my significant other that so it's.
Matt Fox: 28:57
It's a difficult conversation to want to have.
David Wright: 29:01
I mean it should have it.
Matt Fox: 29:02
Yeah, I mean ideally yes, and they should have it, but do they want to have it?
Speaker 4: 29:07
No yeah.
Terica Lewis: 29:10
The emotions from that gets in the way of having that conversation.
David Wright: 29:15
And again this comes back to insecurity.
Terica Lewis: 29:18
And again I'm going to make another general statement Insecurity the word insecurity is a is a trigger word, uh-huh for a lot of men, because, well, I, and that's what I'm saying, and, and here's, here's the, and women, but it's a say, and women, but, but, but it manifests differently with men.
David Wright: 29:37
They feel like they feel insecure, but they don't express it as insecure, they express it as anger yes you're not responding to me, you're.
Matt Fox: 29:47
You're the wrong one they may express it as codependency. At the same time, let's be honest, you know their insecurities could be codependent and it may sound codependent, okay.
Speaker 4: 29:59
Okay.
Matt Fox: 30:01
I'm just, I'm just throwing that out there.
David Wright: 30:03
No, it could. But the big thing is, and I and I say I say I always. I probably have said this to you, terica, at some point I want to do a men's group, or I want to write a book, something with men to say like grow a pair. That's what I want it to be called. It's like listen, stop being so wishy-washy, non-committal, blah, blah, just going with the flow. Take control, manage something. Because typically again, generalization women are the managers of the households. They are, they pay the bills, they take care of the kids, they make the schedule, they decide where you're going, all of that. And I say to men I'm like you want to get laid. Tell your wife pack this. We're going away this weekend. I've already made arrangements for the kids. Don't worry about anything. Just be ready to leave at 6 pm Friday night. I will pick you up Now. You're just not trolling me, but no, but I'm telling you most women would swoon it turns.
Matt Fox: 31:10
Most women would just fall over and be like, oh my god, this is fantastic, really well, absolutely well, those, there's the tools and fuels that feel like you're just gonna tell me what I'm doing.
Terica Lewis: 31:19
I haven't got my hair done it's not preparing me for anything. You just want me to get up and go yeah, I'm so tired for my week I just I can't, no, I don't have the time.
David Wright: 31:29
But but I'm telling you, if, if you don't usually do that and you did that your partner would be blown away, but if you do one in front, of view.
Announcer: 31:37
Yes, I would be like I didn't have to do nothing yes that's the point, oh my god, yes however, yeah, if I like that person right?
David Wright: 31:50
well, I mean that I gotta go to work.
Terica Lewis: 31:53
I can't take these days off. Even if I am married, I still gotta like the person that's well, no, understandably Sure, you still need to come back to the motor.
Matt Fox: 32:04
Yes, yes.
David Wright: 32:05
You do need, we'll do another. We'll do another couple of sessions.
Matt Fox: 32:09
So this is what happens Sometimes. We'll get into a topic and it might be a one or two episode. It turns into a three or four, or six or eight.
Speaker 4: 32:18
I enjoy.
David Wright: 32:22
Oh no, or four, or six, or eight, I enjoy. Oh no, there's. There are times we've started it's like two episodes and then we're in episode eight. Yeah, we got, so we had to get down into it yeah, and one episode leads into another one, another one, so it's totally natural I do get that, because sex is not just about what we talked about and we've mostly touched on couples.
Terica Lewis: 32:39
There's a whole umbrella.
David Wright: 32:42
And that's why it turns into so many different episodes and I was going to ask a question. I'm holding off because we're about out of time tonight, but we're going to have you back because I wanted to get into like I'm coming back, yes like fetishes and things like this that society sees as I don't know, immoral or weird, or abnormal right yeah, but I I want to get into that area fuck the normal.
Matt Fox: 33:09
Come on, that's normal.
David Wright: 33:11
But see, that's the whole thing but you say is there, is there a normal person out there? I tell clients this all the time. They're like I just want to be normal. I'm saying, saying normal doesn't exist.
Speaker 4: 33:20
What is that?
Matt Fox: 33:21
Explain that when people say I want to be normal.
Terica Lewis: 33:24
I say, well, what is weird? Yeah, no no, exactly. They're going to think I'm weird. What's that? Yeah?
David Wright: 33:33
But this is like this psychological block that people have. It's like they want to conform.
Terica Lewis: 33:46
They want to be liked and it's like don't, don't just be your own person? Yeah, be you. I don't know, handle your own business, for goodness sakes. I don't know what that is my husband controlled all parts of my life.
Matt Fox: 33:51
I don't know who I am, okay, so help me understand a little bit more about why you feel that way he pays the bills, he goes to work so I don't know what to do, unless you tell me what. What do you do to make you happy?
Terica Lewis: 34:02
I make sure dinner is done when you get off work.
David Wright: 34:04
I don't care. Does that make you happy? Heck, no.
Speaker 4: 34:08
There you go. What's good? What do you want to?
Matt Fox: 34:10
cook. What will you cook to make you happy?
Announcer: 34:18
No, he likes chicken here we go See.
Matt Fox: 34:19
that's where the conversation starts.
Terica Lewis: 34:22
There's a lot of women and men who get lost in the role that we play in a relationship because we think that, okay, I hate this. Happy life, happy wife Happy life, happy spouse.
Speaker 4: 34:35
I know Come on.
Matt Fox: 34:37
I want to be happy in this situation too. Everyone has to be happy. Everybody has to. I want to be happy in this situation, too. Everyone has to be happy. Everybody has to understand how to be happy.
Terica Lewis: 34:45
Everybody got to understand what makes themselves happy.
David Wright: 34:48
See, most people don't know that. That's the problem. You ask 100 people, 80 of them would have no idea.
Matt Fox: 34:55
And if you're with a partner and a spouse that's on the same page as you, so much fun it's yeah, it's a blast, it's an absolute right and.
David Wright: 35:02
But here's the thing you could be on in a relationship that's long term. You could be on the same page and drift apart and come back.
Terica Lewis: 35:09
Sure, there's peaks and valleys, absolutely yeah but I need some time to take to myself so that when I come back here we still good yes, yes, absolutely so.
David Wright: 35:20
Yeah, you're coming back, because I, I have like I enjoyed it. I have so much more to even talk about but, but, but we ran out of time. So, yes, you're coming back. Okay, all righty folks, terica will be back with us in the meantime. Um, okay, facebook live. We're done for tonight. Before we go, somebody needs a home.
Matt Fox: 35:37
Who's that?
David Wright: 35:39
that Furry, flurry, flurry Like.
Matt Fox: 35:41
McDonald's Flurry. Oh, come on, he's a pity mix.
David Wright: 35:44
Yeah, is that a mixed breed Spade female, 45 pounds. Go on, he prefers to be the only dog, okay, alpha.
Speaker 4: 35:55
Unknown.
David Wright: 35:55
Cats. He prefers adult as friends. So no kids, no cats. How?
Terica Lewis: 36:03
old is he? He is born in 2023. So he's two years old. Somebody come get Flurry.
Matt Fox: 36:08
Alright, so Flurry is beautiful. He looks like a vanilla Flurry.
David Wright: 36:13
Is that?
Matt Fox: 36:13
a great name, yes, with a little bit of chocolate. Come on my camera's not even on me, you already have your.
Speaker 4: 36:20
Come on my camera's, not even on me, oh your camera.
David Wright: 36:22
You already have your camera on Whatever. There you go, man.
Terica Lewis: 36:25
Good job. Wow, flurry needs a home.
Matt Fox: 36:29
Flurry does need a home.
Terica Lewis: 36:30
What the fuck are you doing?
Matt Fox: 36:31
I don't know. Flurry is Okay. So Flurry is a beautiful looking puppy. This is a mess. No, no, he's beautiful.
Terica Lewis: 36:41
No he's a good looking dog, why do you keep?
Matt Fox: 36:42
showing me that picture Because you need a puppy in your life. I do not.
David Wright: 36:47
Terica's just not.
Matt Fox: 36:47
I know you're not a dog person. I know, Terica.
David Wright: 36:49
She is not an animal person. Okay, Terica, just real quick. I know we're close to being done. Would you ever have a dog in your bed?
Terica Lewis: 36:56
Never In my bed. It can barely come in my house. I'm talking about my bed, unless we're talking about some of these men, them dogs.
David Wright: 37:09
I've had a couple of dogs, okay, so you made that happen in your bed, anyway.
Matt Fox: 37:14
That's D-A-W-G-S Dogs.
David Wright: 37:18
All right. Flurry needs a home. Detroitdogrescuecom slash adopt All right folks, thanks for joining us. Terica, we'll be back. This has been fun, informative. We're going to do more. In the meantime, change your thinking, change your life, laugh hard, run fast, be kind. We'll see you next time, thank you.