Motor City Hypnotist
Motor City Hypnotist
Emotional Intelligence, Explained Clearly - Part 1
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Ever say the right thing in the worst way? We tackle emotional intelligence with practical tools you can use today to recognize what you feel, regulate your reactions, and connect without losing your cool. David R. Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist, breaks EI down to essentials—self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills—and shows how they play out at home, at work, and in your own mind.
We start by making emotions visible. You’ll learn how body signals often arrive before thoughts and why naming precise feelings—embarrassed, dismissed, overwhelmed—can dial down intensity fast. From there, we move into strategies that turn conflict into clarity: a 90-second rule to ride the wave, simple breathing to reset your physiology, and a crucial pause before hitting send on that rage-text. For couples and teams, we share structured conversation rules—no interruptions, clear turn-taking, and I-statements—that lower defensiveness and surface the real issue, whether it’s respect, control, or fear of criticism.
You’ll also hear why IQ isn’t enough when stakes are high and how emotionally intelligent leaders spot triggers, read body language, and respond with calm, specific language. We highlight a feel-good Winner of the Week about high school students repairing cars for single moms, and we close with a Detroit Dog Rescue spotlight for Cadju, a smirking charmer who needs a home.
If you’re ready to swap reactivity for presence, build a richer emotional vocabulary, and make better decisions under pressure, this one’s for you. Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who could use a smarter way to handle hard moments. What’s one situation you want to navigate differently this week?
FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
(Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!)
Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast, uh, we're talking about emotional intelligence. What is it? What does it mean? I'm sure you guys have probably heard this term, but we're gonna go through it. I'm gonna tell you exactly what it is and how you can improve your emotional intelligence. Good luck. I mean, okay. And in and as we do in every episode, we're gonna have a winner of the week and we're gonna have a dog at the end of the episode. So make sure you listen to the whole thing. I'm saying that so I don't forget, because once in a while I'll forget at the end. And also, we're giving away free stuff. Hang in there, folks. We'll be right back.
SPEAKER_05:This sounds like something for the authorities in Detroit. Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102 and men die at the city of Detroit.
SPEAKER_03:Guys like this can't take over here out of Detroit.
SPEAKER_02:Spawn and the hellfire's the motor. Take him to Detroit.
SPEAKER_04:Detroit!
SPEAKER_05:Stationed in Drambuy. It's worse than Detroit. We did not have as a unit the confidence that we felt like we needed to beat Detroit. Let's go to Detroit.
SPEAKER_00:Now you're talking, brother.
SPEAKER_05:I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now. Do they have many farms in Detroit? Detroit to Michigan. I go to school, I know where Detroit is. Get ready for the motor city hypnotist David R. Wright, originating from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. He has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R. Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome to the Motor City Hypnotist, David R. Wright.
SPEAKER_01:What is going on, my friends? It is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist. We are back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast. You better be. That's Matt Fox, the other voice you hear. Yes, it is. We're hanging out here on Monday evening. I'm having a drink. Matt's maybe having a sip. I'm totally having a sip. Matt's having a sip.
SPEAKER_02:I got peppermint tea, cola, and bourbon. And bourbon, yeah. Yeah, good mix. Yeah. Just uh and a sour patch kit.
SPEAKER_01:That's your garnish for your bourbon.
SPEAKER_02:That's my garnish for the bourbon. That's so funny.
SPEAKER_01:So we're here in the podcast Your Voice, Southfield Studios, the palatial studios. Oh, yeah. Hanging out, doing a podcast. And let me tell you, first of all, folks, where you can find me. My website, motorcityhypnotist.com. So we're right on the verge of group of prom and grad season coming up. We only got a couple months. So I've just gotten a lot of inquiries over the past week for shows. So if you have a post-prom party, whether you're in Michigan or not, you can be anywhere in the country. I travel. So yeah, wherever you're listening, we can get a show to you. So check out the website. You can get a quote within minutes and book it within minutes as well and get your date locked in because dates are filling up. So it's important to do that. If you need an entertainer, a hypnotist for your post prom or your post-grad night, book it now. In fact, most of the schools have booked. So reach out now so we can get you in. My social media links, Facebook and YouTube, are both Motor City Hypnotist and Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok are all three Motor City Hypno. That's H Y P N O. And as we've done every episode going back to number one, text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. Oh, yeah. In a few moments, you'll get a text. It will have a link to your uh PDF download. It's my hypnosis guide that I've written. It's not super intense, it's a couple of pages, but it kind of gives you an overview of hypnosis, dispel some myths and misconceptions, and just gives you some general information about hypnosis and why and how it works. Sweet. And the biggest thing, wherever you're listening, whatever platform, Stitcher, Spotify, iTunes, wherever, it's important that you connect, subscribe, link, whatever it is on your platform so you get the podcast whenever it drops. And again, the big thing is to leave a review. Also, if you text the word hypnosis to the number I gave you, 313-800-8510. What do you get? It's also going to give you, in addition to getting the free hypnosis guide, it's going to give you a link to my Google page where you can also leave a review. You can review the podcast, you can review a show, you can review if you've seen me in person. All of that applies. So reviews are fantastic. I would appreciate it. I know running a business that most people give reviews when they're unhappy. Well, that's just kind of human nature. Yeah. When people get so angry, they have to get I'm gonna I'm gonna give it to you. Just wait till that Yelp review comes through. Yeah, it's it wasn't it just popped into my head, Matt. Wasn't there a podcast way back when I started? Yes, that had to do with with reviews, like bad reviews on websites, right?
SPEAKER_02:I was part of the podcast Detroit group, and they did all they would do is read Yelp reviews of restaurants that serve sandwiches. That's pretty specific. Yeah, okay. And it was just Yelp reviews. Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I I can't remember, I can't remember at the top of the book. I know I because it just it just struck me as I was saying that that there was a nut there was a podcast about that at one point.
SPEAKER_02:It's all about Yelp reviews.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's awesome. Maybe maybe we need to revisit that. We'll see. We'll we'll see. All righty. Oh, are we there? Yeah, this time. Oh, here we go.
SPEAKER_00:That's how winning it's done.
SPEAKER_02:Before you get to your winner, I gotta tell you my winners. Sure. Yeah. Map, share me your winner. My winner of the week is my partner Holly. Oh, nice. Because she's listening. I don't know if she is or not. But this young lady, her and I have been playing words with friends, and she became my winner of the week on my way here tonight when she played a three-letter word for 93 flipping points. Wow. Yeah. I'm getting my butt kicked in words with friends. Oh no. She's my winner of the week.
SPEAKER_01:Nice. Fantastic. Holly, winner of the week. There you go. I'm gonna play it again just for her. No. She's kicking my butt, man.
SPEAKER_00:That's how winning is done.
SPEAKER_01:Holly.
SPEAKER_00:There we go. All right. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, that's awesome. The heartwarming ceremony begins when the garage door opens and a class of teenage students present a newly refurbished car with a big red bow to a single mother. Ooh. For eight years, the presentation, delivered with a round of applause, has been repeated four to five times each year at Louisa County High School in Mineral, Virginia. Okay. The school's automotive technology students repair the donated used cars and then give them away to single moms who could use a lift. That's fun. The whole class is very rewarding. Holden Peckary, a 16-year-old student, told the Washington Post. Grease lightning, go go. Peckeri remembers seeing a little baby in her mom's arms when one of the cars was given away and immediately recognized the dividends of all their classroom work. It gives you more of a purpose, he stated. Around 20 students are working on cars each semester in the school about an hour northwest of Richmond. Okay. The teacher, Shane Robertson, instructs kids on how to perform brake and tire repairs, change fluids, test batteries, and maintain heating and cooling systems. Interesting. They get the real life grit behind why they're really doing a task, Robertson said in an interview with ABC. This is somebody's real car, and you're really making a change in the world. The program began in partnership with the nonprofit Giving Words, a local charity that's worked to support single parents by providing complementary vehicles and car repairs. And how many children do this uh single mom have? The one they mentioned had one. Okay. Okay. Founder Eddie Brown and his wife were both single parents who had struggled with transportation issues before launching the nonprofit. So far, we've given over 60 cars away and repaired more than 260. Damn. Brown told WTVR. That's great. One of the program's success stories involved a 2000 2007 Gold Toyota Prius that the students gave to a Jessica Rader, a single mom with three kids who overcame addiction. They just put a new battery in it and said, here you go. Yeah, it's hard to say because it doesn't really say. Before her life was blessed with a car giveaway, she relied on rides from friends and family for all the obligations, appointments, and activities that accompany motherhood. Now she's progressed from a part-time job to a full-time work thanks to a reliable vehicle that gets her to work time. In the end, when the garage door went up at Louisa Hyde and Pickery and his classmates joined in applause, it was much more than a refurbished Prius being presented to Jessica. It was a helping hand arriving from the other side and a reminder that kindness can be delivered at any age.
SPEAKER_02:Perfect.
SPEAKER_01:Jessica stated, it's not just about the car, it's about community. Kids who never met me cared about me enough to put hard work into a vehicle to make sure myself and my kids were safe. And I got to meet them all. It was breathtaking. I love this.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. It is. It's a great story. I'm just picturing a bunch of kids running around singing Grease Lightning. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Working on the cars. Yeah. Absolutely. Definitely winner of the week.
SPEAKER_00:That's how winning it's done.
SPEAKER_02:So. So so back to it. Right. No, thank you for that. That's that's uh I I love it when I hear about kids that get themselves involved.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, they're in a class, but but but still it it it it probably is more that class is probably more meaningful than math. Correct. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with math.
SPEAKER_02:I'm just saying doing something constructive to help people. You do you do need math to fix up the car, you need to know gauges, you need to know you know the math behind it all. So yeah, uh, I just love to see kids that get engaged and then you know become a perp, it becomes a purpose for them. Yes. Right. I love thank you for that.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. So today, folks, we're talking about emotional intelligence. So let me ask you a couple of questions. Have you ever said the right thing in a completely the wrong way? Oh, absolutely. Here's another question that comes up regarding emotional intelligence. Why do some people with average IQs seem wildly successful and others with high IQs struggle? That's a thing. It is, it really is. So let me let me give you a quick anecdote. And I've said this to clients numerous times. They'll come in suffering from whatever it is, PTSD or depression or anxiety, stress, relationship issues. And when I'm talking to a client, that again, they they get in their own head. And again, if you've ever experienced anxiety or depression, you know it's it's not a really a choice, it's just the way your mind is working. So I've always said to the clients, I'm like, listen, I said, not that this makes it better or worse, but stupid people don't have a lot of these issues because they don't know any better. Sure. It it and and I say that in a joking way, but there's some seriousness behind it. If you're oblivious to everything, you're probably not gonna be sad, depressed, or anxious. I mean, it's a fact. Yeah, so when I when I seen when I saw this question, I'm like, oh yeah, that makes sense. People higher IQs tend to think more. Oh, they overanalyze, which which lends, and and typically overthinkers have, I'm not gonna say always, but but that that lends itself to be ripe for mental health issues.
SPEAKER_02:They overanalyze so much, they they honestly, in my in my thought, my in my opinion, they can't get out of their own way because they overanalyze so much. So that that is a part of emotional intelligence is understanding how you think and then dialing it back and taking a hot second.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, and then well, and and we're gonna get into that's that's when we're trying to effectively express our emotions. Yes, it's there, there's listening skills involved, yes, absolutely. There's so much more. So, so again, when you hear the word emotional intelligence, some of you might say, Well, what is that? It's fair, it's a fair question.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:So I'm gonna just break it down to one statement. Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions, yours and with other people. That is the key thing. And you might say, Well, okay, that's fine. The ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions. I mean, it in a sense, some people might say, Well, why does that matter? Relationships, leadership and work, mental health, communication, all of this is based in emotional intelligence. So, what what I'm gonna hopefully share with you today is gonna give you a clear understanding of emotional intelligence. Don't hope. And don't hope. No, you will is going to. Yeah, that's what you're going to walk away with. So, clear understanding of emotional intelligence, practical tools you can use today, and a new way to think about emotions. All right. So, so here's the thing. I let's share a couple of things about what I'm gonna shorten this because emotional intelligence is a long mouthful. Oh, yeah. So I'm gonna just say EI. EI going forward, and you'll know what I'm talking about. EI, it works very, very well. So here's here's what EI really is and isn't. So emotions, emotions, intelligence, and EI can be learned and strengthened. So it's it's not something you either have or you don't have. It's something you can get better at and something you can learn. But what EI is not, it's not being nice all the time, it's not suppressing emotion, it's not avoiding conflict, and it's not being overly sensitive. Because again, you if if if you because again, the the when people hear emotional, they automatically think of the the cliche of this, you know, overly emotional woman who just reacts to everything. Again, that's the cliche, which is not accurate.
SPEAKER_02:You mean Karen?
SPEAKER_01:That could be a Karen, but that's typically anger. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that I mean that's typically always anger there. So here's what we're gonna talk about self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. So a lot of times people misunderstand again what emotional intelligence is. And here's some key ideas. The first one is self-awareness. Now, a lot of times with mental health, self-awareness is lacking. A lot of times we can we can look at other people and make evaluations and maybe have an idea of what is wrong with them, quote unquote. But a lot of times we don't know what we are, we we're not self-aware. So that's step number one. And the reason this is important is you can't manage something you're not feeling. If you don't feel it, how do you manage it? Here's the other thing most people feel emotions physically before they feel them mentally. We're gonna come back to that.
SPEAKER_02:I I would like you to elaborate on that. So thank you. Yeah, we'll come back to that.
SPEAKER_01:All right, naming emotions reduces their intensity.
SPEAKER_02:I am so hungry right now.
SPEAKER_01:I could eat a Snickers bar. Well, you gotta sour pan. Oh, that's what that yeah. That's close. So, so let me let me kind of give you an example of a self-aware statement. I'm not angry, I'm just really embarrassed. Okay. This isn't stress, it's fear of disappointing someone. So, what I'm focusing on here, these are examples of just being aware of where this feeling is coming from and why. And a lot of people experience the emotion, but they don't know where it comes from or why. And that's that disconnect, that's that lack of emotional intelligence.
SPEAKER_02:There are things that one can do to help learn more about themselves when it comes to emotional intelligence. There are multiple techniques that you can do, and there are there are certain ones that you have to put into practice every day. Go on. It's just there, there this is such a big, big term.
SPEAKER_01:No, it is, and and and and it does get in depth, but that's that's what we want because it gives you the tools to be able to recognize and make changes. Sure. So when I when I read the statement, I'm not angry, I'm actually embarrassed. So so here's a big thing, and I want to stress this because we've done we've done episodes specifically on anger management. Oh, yeah, in the in the past, but but I want to rehit this because this is so important, and I share this with clients. I bet you I say this every day. Go for it. Anger cannot exist in a vacuum. Anger can exist by itself, but the fuel is always another emotion. Okay, whether it be sadness, disappointment, frustration, embarrassment. I I mean, we could we could list a hundred emotions, but something is is driving the anger. Sure. The anger can't exist by itself. Right. You give it fuel with these other emotions that you're you're experiencing, and that causes the anger. Fuel on the fire, yes. Yep. So being aware of your emotions is step number one. And and again, that's the basis. You have to know what you're feeling and able to address it. So you might say, Well, what kind of what does that mean? Or how do I do that? How do I get in touch with my emotions? Let me give you three practical tools. One is emotional check-ins with yourself, just randomly throughout a day. Say to yourself, What am I feeling right now? Am I feeling happy? Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling angry? Am I feeling depressed? Am I feeling unhopeful? Unproductive. Yeah, it could be. I mean, it could be a million times. Productive, but but that even this emotional check-in helps you to kind of start to recognize the emotions that you're feeling at different times and just get you tuned into that. Another practical tool to help you get get more self-awareness is expanding your emotional vocabulary. So it's kind of like small talk when you meet somebody. Hey, brother, how you doing today? I'm good. How are you?
SPEAKER_02:I was about ready to answer. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:I'm sorry, Matt. Yeah, Matt, how you doing today? Uh you know, today's been a great day. Okay. Okay. So, so again, general and general question, general answer. Uh-huh. But by expanding our emotional vocabulary, it's going to help us get more insight. And rather than just saying, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm mad. Those, yeah, those are emotions and they exist, but but but they're very vague and general.
SPEAKER_02:So, would a more proper question be? Hey, Dave, how did you feel about X, Y, Z that happened today with that person or with that client?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely. That's more specific. Very specific. And and then I have certain context to pull that emotional or that that information to be aware of what the emotion was. Got it. Yes, absolutely. And then another practical tool, and this is going to go back to what we mentioned a little bit earlier. We'll come back to on that. Awareness of your physical body. Oh, yeah. Just being aware. Check in every, you know, check in a few times, multiple times every day, and say, What is my body doing right now? Am I tensed? Are my shoulders hunched? Am I sucking in my are my my teeth clenched? You know, because there are physical signs of distress, there are physical signs of sadness and anger. So having that body awareness, just being aware of what the state of your body is. Sure. And honestly, that this is something great to try at night. This is where you can practice. Okay. So most people, and I'm I shouldn't say most people, I'm making an assumption, but based on my experience, most people will head to bed. They just want to go to sleep, they just want to shut their eyes and go to sleep. A lot of times their brain won't shut off. Oh, yeah. It just keeps running. It's like a train. And then you hear that ringing in your ears at high pitched. Yeah, yeah. And it's because it's like almost the silence, the silent sound. Yeah. Which which there is a sound of silence. Yeah. There is. Thank you. Not the song, but thank you, Mr. Simon. There you go. So, so again, being aware of your body. I why am I feeling why am I breathing like why am I breathing shallow? Why is my chest tight? Why are my muscles tense? Just being aware of what is going on in your body. So here's a question. It's kind of a gotcha question, but I'm gonna ask it, and it's a rhetorical question. When was the last? Time you reacted before understanding what you were feeling this morning when I woke up. I'm just saying this happens a lot. We react to things before you really even understand what the feeling is.
SPEAKER_02:Why did I wake up? It's so early.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, that's right. I have to go to home. So that leads us into the area of self-regulation. Responding instead of reacting. And there's a big difference. So self-regulation is it helps you to change behavior because you're learning to regulate the feelings that you're having, the feelings that you're experiencing. So here's a key concept. Pausing does not mean ignoring. Because you you brought it, you you kind of alluded to it, Matt. A minute ago. Take a minute, step back, gain your bearings, then go forward.
SPEAKER_02:It's a it's a skill that takes practice to learn because a lot of folks they will start to answer the question and interrupt the person across from them before they answer the question. Yeah. See, I see exactly there. My point. Yeah. The leader of our country does it all the full.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So, you know, that the you have to understand where the other person is coming from. This is a part of emotional intelligence. Yes, absolutely. Not just what they're saying, but how they're saying it, the body language of the individual, their arms are crossed, they're going to be standoffish. If they're more relaxed, they're going to be having a conversation. There's to take that pause to think about what the person said and how you are going to respond. In a leadership role, you want to look at both sides, the positive and the negative, and you focus in between. You bring it all together like a like a sandwich. Yep.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And here's the other thing I do regarding this pause is not bad, is not a bad thing. And I use this with couples a lot when I talk about communication. Because again, when I deal with couples, a lot of times, most of the time, when they end up in my office, they're arguing, they're having conflict, they're yelling at each other. They're they're could could get much worse. But in general, sure, you're you're you're not connecting, you're not you're not connecting on an emotional level or even a communicative level. So the big thing I say to people, and I and I kind of put rules into place. I said, okay, when you guys have conversations, there are some rules. Rule number one is you cannot speak until the other person says done.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Don't interrupt, don't respond, don't react. You listen.
SPEAKER_02:What what if they're gamers? Can you have them roll a die? I I mean, I mean, maybe. I mean, that not a 20 side. Yeah, yeah. Just a not just no, no, just a regular die. Yeah, okay. You get either a minute up to six minutes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But but here's the thing: that what that does is it establishes a listen and then respond reaction. Uh-huh. So again, rule number one is one person talks until they say done, then the other person gets their chance. Yeah. At any point during this exchange, either person can say, time out. I'm getting a little upset. I need to take a break. Okay. With the except with the with the assumption that you will come back and finish. That's the important background. That's the kicker right there. Yes. And then the other rule that I put in place is that when you're sharing, you never use the term you.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:When you're having a conversation, it's always me or I. Always. Always.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Because you know a part of me understands that. Yeah. Because you don't want to keep saying you, you, you, because it feels like you're putting all the blame on the other person. Exactly. But then if you're using I and me all the time, then it's almost like it's all about me at that point.
SPEAKER_01:I I can get where you're going. Yes. I I can now if if if if if that person, I would agree with you if that was the only person that had a chance to talk.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:But if you're having a conversation, you're only addressing your needs, your feelings, your space. I'm just trying to balance all equation there. Yeah.
unknown:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:Here's another thing as far as self-regulation that you have to you have to be aware of. Don't fight emotion. Let it out. Ride the wave. Whatever it is, the more you fight it, the more it's going to come over you. Surf up, dude. Yeah. Just go. Ride the emotion. Experience it for what it is, even if it's unpleasant. You know, most people have most people have experienced every emotion in the world. There probably are exceptions. But you've been angry before. You've been sad before. Sure. You've been grieving before. Yeah. So you have these experiences. So when they come up, just know I've done this before. It's going to be okay.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So let me just ride it, experience it, and not fight it.
SPEAKER_02:Using the term happy place. Huh? All right. There, everyone's got a happy place, right? Whether it's a midget on a if it's Brad Williams. If it's Brad Williams running around a golf course on a little wooden horse, whatever. Yeah. My the whole point of a happy place is to understand that it's okay. You go there and you know everything is okay. Let the emotions go, you know, ride them out. Yeah. But just know that at the end of all of it, there is a special place for you to go mentally that you know that you're going to be able to come back down. Yeah. Get off that ride. And then continue the conversation in a manner of being able to express oneself. Yeah. To the so the other person understands where you're coming from. And then again, understanding their position because it it takes so much mental acuity. Yeah. For a lack of a better term. No, no, that's a good point. To really understand how you are going to work yourself through it. Because then some people get stuck. No, they get absolutely stuck in one spot and they can't get off of that. Yep. And that's where they become, that's where the depression comes in. That's where the sadness comes in.
SPEAKER_01:They just can't get off that yeah, they get stuck in that that that just self-defeating cycle of feelings. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:And as someone with emotional intelligence, you have to be able to see that in that person so you can help them get off that bench. If I'm if you know, no, no, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01:I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_02:This is a big I love this talk.
SPEAKER_01:So when we talk about responding instead of reacting, when we react, it's typically in situations such as feeling disrespected, being ignored, criticism, loss of control. These are big ones because when somebody's when somebody gets angry and they lash out, they can say I'm angry, but it's much more constructive to say I feel like I'm being ignored. Or I feel like you're disrespecting me. Or I feel like that's a criticism of my character. If you verbalize differently, then there's it's a better way to communicate. The other thing this does, it also connects you to if you find that you're angry every time you can't control something, that's probably something we need to get to the bottom of as far as there's more you feel like you're not in control. So let's get into that. So that's it.
SPEAKER_02:There's more to why you're feeling this way when you're angry.
SPEAKER_01:So so let me give you a couple of techniques as far as responding instead of reacting. Okay. The 90-second rule. This is fairly common as far as therapy goes. But again, it's just kind of just letting it ride out for at least a minute and a half. Just experience the feeling. Okay. And no, for 90 seconds. Again, we know it's only 90 seconds. So it's not, it's not so you know, overwhelming that it'll feel like a lifetime. No, it'll feel long, but that's that's why we say 90 seconds. The other one is breathing, just breathe. And I'm not even talking like, I mean, yes, deep breaths would be fantastic, but even just regular breaths, just to slow the physiology down, right? Because we're in that heightened state, everything gets sped up in temperature rises, and just just come down with some normal breaths and notice that and feel that.
SPEAKER_02:And if you can, then you could get into the five seconds in, seven seconds out. Yep. Right. Yep.
SPEAKER_01:And then again, this goes along with the 90-second rule, but delay any response you may feel you have to make.
SPEAKER_02:So you can think about it how you're going to respond.
SPEAKER_01:Especially texts and emails. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Because I'm sure we've all received a rage text from somebody or a rage email. No idea what you're talking about. And then after the fact, they're like, So sorry, I was just in a bad state of mind. I have never gotten a text like that in my entire life.
SPEAKER_02:I can't even say it with a straight face.
SPEAKER_04:No, no, don't shut me up.
SPEAKER_01:So, yeah, that that, but but that's recognizing that. That is the big thing. If you recognize that you're going to react instead of respond, you need to implement something to slow it down. Yeah. Just to stop that train from from running. Okay. So I know we're close to the ending of this episode. We're going to continue with the emotional intelligence next episode. So make sure you tune in. Uh, if you're on Facebook Live, we're going to do another episode right now. Yep. If you're listening to audio, wherever you're listening, skip ahead to the next episode. If it's not there, it will be there on Tuesday or Thursday. Perfect. Before we leave. Oh, oh, who is it? Somebody needs a home.
SPEAKER_02:Who is it? Cadu. Cadu? Is that spelled the right way? I believe it is. C A D A I E U X. Cadu, yeah. That is spelled. That is the proper way to spell Cadu.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, he's so cute. Yep. He's a mixed breed, male, about 50 pounds. He's dog friendly, cat friendly, unknown. It's never known with cats. He looks like a cat person. Uh, he's kid friendly, yes. Activity level is medium to high. Yeah. So I don't have an age on him because I I cut it off when I copied it.
SPEAKER_02:But he is adorable. Oh, let me make this. Let me make the picture really.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, there you go.
SPEAKER_02:There you go. Bam. Yeah. Look at that. He's even got a smoke.
SPEAKER_01:He's got a smirk. He does. He does have that little crooked smirk.
SPEAKER_02:He's got a smirk. That's actually, you know what that is, Dave? No. That's a smolder. He's smoldering. He's smoldering.
SPEAKER_01:Anyway, Cadju needs a home. Detroit Dog Rescue.com slash adopt. Give Cadju a home. Thank you. He wants to smirk at you. Yes. So go get him. Detroit Dog Rescue.com. Alrighty, folks. That is our show for today. Change your thinking, change your life. Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind. We'll see you next time.