Motor City Hypnotist
Motor City Hypnotist
Loneliness Is A Signal (part 1)
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Loneliness can be brutal because it doesn’t always look like isolation. You can have a relationship, coworkers, family dinners, even hundreds of social media friends and still feel that hollow disconnect that nobody really sees you. We get honest about why that happens, why it’s becoming more common, and what your brain is actually doing when you start pulling away from people.
We also offer a clearer definition that cuts through the confusion: loneliness is the gap between the connection you want and the connection you feel. That framing matters, because it turns loneliness into useful information instead of a label you wear. We talk about the social media illusion of connection, how scrolling replaces real conversations, and why comparison makes disconnection worse. Then we zoom out to the real-life reasons adult friendship is harder than it used to be: schedules, distance, family responsibilities, career changes, and moving to a new place.
From there, we dig into the psychology of chronic loneliness, including the shift into social threat mode where you assume rejection before it happens. A late reply or a cancelled plan can feel personal, and that perception can lock you into a cycle of reaching out less and feeling worse. We close with practical first steps you can take now: focus on depth over quantity, initiate more than your fear wants you to, and find shared-interest spaces like volunteering, community classes, community centers, and local groups. We also preview Loneliness Part Two and spotlight Seamus from Detroit Dog Rescue.
Subscribe for the next part, share this with someone who needs it, and leave us a review on your podcast app so more people can find the show.
Recorded 03-09-26
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Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist
Loneliness Tease And Cold Open
SPEAKER_01In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast, uh, today we're gonna talk about loneliness. I know that's a very general term, and when I say it, you might think something that, but you might not be totally accurate with it, but we're gonna get into this because I I I do work with a lot of clients who experience loneliness. Okay. So we're gonna get into that. And like I said, it's it's not quite what you might think it might be.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I'm just reminded of a song from the from uh bigger batter and uncut from South Park. Yes, it's called Ronry. Right, yes, Ronry, yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, yeah. And as usual, we're giving away free stuff. Hang in there, folks. We will be right back.
SPEAKER_03This sounds like something for the authorities in Detroit. The joke's on you. I'm living to 102 men dying at the city of Detroit.
SPEAKER_02Guys like this can't take over here out of Detroit.
SPEAKER_00Spawn and the hellfire's the motor. Take him to Detroit.
SPEAKER_02Detroit!
SPEAKER_04Stationed in Drambuy. It's worse than Detroit. We did not have as a unit the confidence that we felt like we needed to beat Detroit. Let's go to Detroit. Now you're talking, brother. I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now. Do they have many farms in Detroit? Detroit to Michigan. I go to school, I know where Detroit is.
SPEAKER_03Get ready for the motor city hypnotist David R. Wright, originating from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. He has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R. Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis.
SPEAKER_04Welcome to Motor City Hypnotist, David R. Wright.
SPEAKER_01What is going on, my friends? This is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist. We're here with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast.
SPEAKER_00Yes, you are. And I might say you're looking very Scottish this week.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank you, Matt. I'm wearing my flannel. Those of you who can't see the video, if you're on Facebook Live, you could be watching us right now. You could be. So if you're listening to the audio, join us on Facebook Live every Monday evening, right around eight o'clock. Be a part of the show. Please pop in and comment and ask questions and be involved and have a discussion, and it's all good. More the merrier. Yeah, absolutely. So we're here in the podcast Your Voice, Southfield Studios. Please, as we do every Monday or close to every Monday, enjoying a little beverage and hanging out. You know what? You've been uh you've been joining our Man Cave happy hour the past. I have I I I like sitting in, it's kind of like a warm-up. I get I get to try whatever you're tasting that for that episode, and yeah, it's it's nice.
SPEAKER_00It's good to have you here early. We know we're gonna be on time, right? Exactly.
SPEAKER_01It's not a rush, you know, and plus I just like hanging out, and you know, because you're you're how do I put it? I'm not driving, so I can just kind of hang out and well enjoy it.
SPEAKER_00I'm driving the you know, everything else. You sit down and just do whatever, right? Yeah, um, and you just speak your mind. But I gotta tell you, I'm sounding really good right now. Yeah, your voice is but uh no, uh honestly, we're gonna talk about loneliness. Yes, and I don't feel lonely when I'm sitting here with you. Well, that's good because I I'm engaged, and I'm sure that's I'm sure that's gonna be a part of the vernacular that we're gonna talk about when we talk about loneliness is just keep keep people around you that you trust and that you that you enjoy being around. Sure. So that might be something we might talk about. I don't I don't know.
SPEAKER_01We may get there and we're gonna, yeah, we're gonna we're gonna talk a lot about it. So yeah, we'll get to it.
Shows Promotion And Free Hypnosis Guide
SPEAKER_00Let's go.
SPEAKER_01Before we get started, let me tell you where you can find me, folks. My website is motorcityhypnotist.com. We are i i mean, we are weeks away from prom season starting.
SPEAKER_00Our our uh our our middle daughter's got uh prom coming up here pretty soon. Oh, nice. They're going they're going dress shopping.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00They invited grandma, so you know it's a thing. Yes.
SPEAKER_01So that's absolutely so shows are coming up. I just booked a show. Actually, I'm doing a show for Marshall High School in in May, but I I just booked that one today. So so we are we are still getting show requests coming in. I love that. So reach out through the website, you'll get a quote within minutes. First of all, to let me know if I'm even available on the date you're requesting. That's the important thing. So that's why you need to do it quickly because again, dates are filling up very fast. My social media, Facebook and YouTube, are both Motor City Hypnotists. Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok are all Motor City Hypno. That's H Y P N O. And as we've done all the way back to episode number one, we're giving away a free hypnosis guide. Text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. Again, that's 313-800-8510. Within a few moments, you'll receive a text with an attached PDF. It's a hypnosis guide that I've written. And also you'll get a link to my Google Business page where you can leave a review. And reviews are very much appreciated if you listen. If you enjoy what we do, maybe it's your first time listening, but if you enjoy it, please leave a review. And whatever platform you're on, listening to the audio, whether it be Stitcher, iTunes, Spotify. Hit the like button. Just hit the whatever it is there. Follow follow, like, link, subscribe, give blood, whatever it is. Pay Monitor. I don't care. Yeah. And on your platform, leave a review because that that is important. Like I said, if reviews really help us grow the show and get out to more people. Yes. Please. Alrighty. That is uh that is all the uh that's that's the business. That's all the business stuff.
unknownThat's how win it is done.
Winner Story Spider Man Side Hustle
SPEAKER_00Before you share, yes, when I was going through broadcast school decades ago, uh-huh. One of the things that they told us never to say when talking about commercials and going into a commercial break, they said, never say we have to pay some bills, we'll be right back. Oh, okay. That's a no-no in the industry, okay. And I'm saying it out loud, right? Yeah, but we don't pay bills here, so that's good. We we really don't, but the fact is, excuse me. What are we talking about? What is what is the winner of the week? Help me be inspired, go. Okay, you're gonna like this one, please.
SPEAKER_01A 19-year-old, a 19-year-old man gave up his supermarket job for a side hustle as Spider-Man. What the actual and now earns in one hour what he used to make in a full eight-hour day at the grocery store. The actual S. I'm just Nate Fryndall okay, Nate, started his superhero gig three years ago after he dressed up as the character to see the latest film. When he arrived in costume at his local movie theater, he said he was greeted by applause and encouraged to do a backflip. And when he did, the crowd went wild because he could, yes. All right, after telling his parents in Surrey, England about the encounter, he made the decision to build a new freelance gig as a superhero impersonator. He spent over$900 on a high quality suit, and since then his business has skyrocketed. Wow, I absolutely love doing it. To see kids really happy that I've made their party and turned up to surprise them is great. It has paid off, too, he told SWNS News Agency. I am booked up for children's parties every weekend in March. It's lovely to see kids smile because the realism of the suit, they genuinely think I am Spider-Man. So they get a big thrill. Okay. Working at the supermarket checkout, he was paid$12.40 an hour. But now he charges$75 for a 30-minute meet and greet and$150 for an hour. Some folks pay$250 for an hour party package with games and photos, or$300 for a two-hour party. Wow. People who are always surprised, they usually think it's cool that I do this. My friends used to make fun of me, but I'm making good money. I also really enjoy it, so I'm not really bothered by other people's opinions. You know what?
SPEAKER_00Which is good for him. Right. He's making more money than what he originally was making at the grocery store. Go, go on.
SPEAKER_01In a commitment to his performances, which involve walking on his hands and backflips, he's now purchased two more suits to promote his business. Nate attends lots of local events in costume and gives out his business cards, and he also posts on local Facebook groups. For his long-term dreams, Nate works with the music. Nate works with music on the side with hopes of becoming a producer and has taken up acting as an extra and dabbling in comedy with his cousins on TikTok, where they've tallied 10,000 followers. I would 100% recommend doing a side hustle or a freelancing gig. Not many people know that I that I know are doing what I'm doing. I don't like hospitality or retail jobs. So if you can find a niche in the market, then you're going to get better money for it. And is there a picture? There is. Oh. In the classic Spider-Man pose.
SPEAKER_00All right. Go on.
SPEAKER_01There's there's Nate.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's he he's got the superhero pose. Yep, there it is. Yep. Yep. Yep. And that suit looks pretty good. It does. I mean, it doesn't look like a you know spirit Halloween costume. No, it's not. He's got see, here's the thing. You can't be 350 pounds doing this. No, he's got the bodybuild, he's got the he's got the stance, he's got he's got the athleticism for it.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Well, I and the fact that he can he can be acrobatic, he can do backflips, that that's important. I mean, like, I gotta I gotta go back a little way. So I was doing a fair in Pennsylvania. This had to be, geez, it's been a while, probably five, six, seven years ago. But part of that gig, part of my week at the fair, they wanted a character also. So my buddy, uh my buddy that I work with often, you know, he he couldn't do it, so he he gives me like he gives me his leftovers, like if he's double booked or whatever. I got you. I'm with you. So he called me about a month before this gig and he said, Hey, I forgot to tell you, we have to get a care, we have to we'd have to do a character at the at the fair as well. And I'm like, Are you kidding me?
SPEAKER_00What character did you decide upon?
SPEAKER_01So he so so again, my buddy had costumes. He had a he had an Iron Man suit that he had that he had used or purchased and and was using.
SPEAKER_00Who was gonna wear said costume?
SPEAKER_01But when when they asked, they said, Can you do Captain America? And he said, sure, not knowing we had no we had no costume, we had nothing. Who wore the captain? I did. So I had to double duty doing two hypnosis shows a day and then strolling three times a day throughout the fairgrounds as Captain America. As Captain America. So and here's the thing at that point, so you were I was I was at I was at the heaviest I've ever weighed at that time. So you were a Walmart Chris Evans. Yeah, is that what you're telling me? I mean, I'm so I was probably a bit over, probably I'm gonna say right around 205, 210. See, that's where I'm at right now. So that's not bad. Yeah, but in that suit, it was uh it's all in the middle. It's all I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00I have no idea what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01So I ordered, I had to I had to order costumes. I just ordered a bunch to see which one was gonna work best. And there was this old style one, like that the the I you'll know what I'm talking about. It's got the really light blue from head to toe, and then that but it was the whole thing was skin tight, though.
SPEAKER_00That's what Stanley got Stanley got fired because that costume was stolen, right?
SPEAKER_01Yes, so I tried it on. I'm like, uh yeah, this one's not gonna work. Yeah, it's like so. Anyway, that's my that was my dubious flirtation with being a superhero, but I did do it for a week three times a day for a week. You pulled it out, you pulled it off. I did it, and and I and I have, I I did the costume was okay. It wasn't, I'm gonna say it was the middle of the road as far as quality, but the the shield I got is I didn't spare any expense. I paid spent 200 bucks on this shield. It is metal, it is just it is beautiful. I love it. I still have that at home, so fantastic.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, you know what? To portray Spider-Man, make a couple more bucks, you know. Absolutely. Something you love, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And and again, it's for the kids, yeah. Yeah, you know, it's always for the kids, always always for the kids, anyway. That is definitely our winner of the week, that's how winning is done.
SPEAKER_00So I'm gonna say this, yeah, and it's gonna make total sense. Yes, I'm glad that he dressed up as Spider-Man and not Aquaman, because he wouldn't make nearly more money.
SPEAKER_01Oh, no, no. I mean, he would make some, but if you're talking about kids' favorite superheroes, Spider-Man is Spider-Man and Batman are the top two, sure, by far.
SPEAKER_00Aquaman's gonna get you now.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, it's like saying you're gonna you're gonna dress up as oh god, I'm just trying to think of some obscure, weird Wonder Twin Powers egg great. I'm gonna dress up as Moon Knight. Moon Knight, okay. People are gonna be like, who? What no?
Why Loneliness Is Becoming Common
SPEAKER_00No, because you don't shut me up if you dress up as Aquaman, you're gonna be lonely because you're not as popular as right. You're not as popular as Spider-Man, right? Yeah, and you're Aquaman.
SPEAKER_02What kind of stupid wiener name is that?
SPEAKER_00So, yeah, so help me understand why we're talking about loneliness. Okay, and and so why why before you start? Why did you pick this topic?
SPEAKER_01Okay, so whenever I prepare for shows, I kind of have a list of ideas in my head, and then I was I also make a just a word doc with possible like show subjects or or or content.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01So I was just doing some reading earlier, probably a couple weeks ago, and one of the one of the YouTubers I follow, he's a psychiatrist, but he but he's got a huge YouTube following. So he was talking about how loneliness is becoming an epic epidemic. And and what we're gonna get into details, but he attributed it lar in large part to the proliferation of social media and being able to contact people on your phone rather than face to face. Yeah, text messaging, SMS, text messaging, uh Facebook Messenger, yeah, WhatsApp. There's so many communications. It's uh telegram.
SPEAKER_00There, there's so many different apps to communicate with people. Any app that you have, PayPal, eBay, whatever, right? You can communicate on the sidelines. Absolutely. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So so he kind of he kind of, you know, and and he had his own take on it, but but I do see a lot of clients that I work with, and many of them are suffering from loneliness. They just feel, you know, they just feel like they have no connections, they they they they've you know, they're isolative. So so uh it's just I've seen it a lot more over the last, I'm gonna say, 10 years or so.
SPEAKER_00Is that based on their lifestyle or their choices?
SPEAKER_01Probably a little of both, because you know, if if somebody's suffering with depression or anxiety or or any other type of mental illness, a lot of times you tend to isolate because it's it's it's well, one, if you're dealing with depression, anxiety, you don't if you're depressed, you don't feel like going out, and if you're anxious, you don't feel like going out for two different reasons. But okay, the results the same, you really don't get out and socialize, and and I and I feel like even his even kids, and and I hate sounding like the old man down the block, but you know, my son's 23, right? He doesn't hang out with friends, he doesn't go out with friends and go to the go to the bar and hang out.
SPEAKER_00Do you do you reflect back on with him and say, okay, and you see this, you're trying to push him out there, get him out there. You're like, listen, when I was 23, I was going out and I was having fun and doing things, I wasn't getting stupid crazy, but I was still going out and experiencing life. Yeah, so people that are isolating themselves, they they're just they're they're cutting themselves off from life, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01In a sense, they are. So, what what we're gonna explore in this episode is is why it's becoming so common or more common than than it ever has before. We're gonna talk about the psychology when you feel disconnected or when you feel isolated. And then we're gonna talk about some really practical ways to rebuild connections with people, with individuals. Okay, I like that. And here's the thing: a lot of times people are surrounded by other people, whether it be family, whether it be your your work circle, whether it be your group of friends. But even with all those things, many people still feel alone. They still feel lonely because they're not they're not really making connections with these people.
SPEAKER_00That that's really interesting for you to say because there are a lot of circles that people react in or they activate in or they're part of. It could be, like you said, family, it could be the the the social scene, the bar scene, it could be the podcast scene, it could be anything, but they don't feel connected. Yep, and yeah, it's it's it's kind of like you're you're around people, but you don't feel connected to them, and that that's what's that's my question is what is making them not feel connected, yep.
The Real Definition Of Loneliness
SPEAKER_01And yeah, we're gonna we're gonna get there. Yeah, we're gonna get there eventually. All right. So, but here's the thing you you can and and I'm one of these people, and and I can I can disclose myself. I I like being by myself sometimes. Oh, of course. So spending time by yourself in and of itself is not a bad thing. Sometimes people just like their alone time, they feel peaceful, they feel like they're they they get fulfilled, they work on things they want to work on or do. So that's that in and of itself is not bad. Loneliness, and I'm gonna read this because I want to get this quote right. Loneliness is the actually the gap between the connection you want and the connection you feel. Okay, I'm gonna say it one more time. Please, I was gonna say, repeat loneliness is the gap between the connection you want and the connection you feel.
SPEAKER_00So you're not getting anything out of what you of what's going on out there, you're not getting what you want. You're as far as connections go. So, does that mean your expectations might be too high?
SPEAKER_01That's a possibility. So, so let me give you some some examples. So, say that that you have you have a lot of friends, let's let's just assume that. Yeah, but even with all of these friends, you feel like nobody really understands you okay, or connects with you. Okay, you might be in a relationship because a lot of people will say, Well, you're in a relationship, you shouldn't feel lonely, but a lot of times in relationships, people feel more lonely, no idea because because there's no emotional connection there. I have no idea what you're talking about, and and and again, here's the other thing that that a lot of times our our self-worth or our self-esteem or our our our image of ourselves is influenced by social media. That is I have 500 five, I have 500 friends on Facebook, so why am I lonely? So, yeah, exactly. But that it's it's this false sense of connection, yeah. Because people can say, Oh, I I have all kinds of friends on Facebook, and I challenge you, and I've done this, I don't know what I have. Uh part of it is because of what I do, not not necessarily as a therapist because there are definite boundaries there, but doing shows for entertainment purposes, sure. You know, I'm up in front of 500, 3,000 a week at a fair, I'll probably run into at least hundreds of people. And eventually they all try to connect because they, you know, so so all that being said, I probably have like 900, a thousand people on Facebook, but I don't know 99% of them. It's just you know, people trying to connect because they saw me, and and I I just want to be, yeah, sure. Yeah, I'll be your friend.
SPEAKER_00Let me call them, let me call that silos because you have friends, you've got people that you follow, you've got people that you went to school with, you've got people that you met at the the bar or the concert, you got people that you met at a parade, you've got you those are silos. And for them not to differentiate those things, those are my close friends, I'm still lonely. Yeah, those are my concert friends, I'm still lonely. So the that the the the the capacity to understand. That yeah, I'm sorry, you're lonely, but what can we do to bring ourselves to realize that we're lonely? We know we are, but what's that next step there?
SPEAKER_01So a lot of mental health therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, anybody in the mental health field that they they can describe loneliness as a signal. And I'll use an analogy. It's like a hunger signal. When you're hungry, you feel it and you want to eat. Just as hunger signals the need for food, loneliness signals the need for connection.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01And a lot of times people are desperate for connection, they just don't know.
SPEAKER_00Maybe, maybe they don't know how to do it. And that's what I'm trying to get to is like those silos. Okay. How do how do I find connection to get away from this feeling of loneliness? Yes.
Social Media Connection Versus Reality
SPEAKER_01So why is loneliness increasing? And we kind of mentioned that, and I'm gonna keep just recap just a real quick because I mentioned social media, social media illusion. It creates the appearance that we're all connected, but that's not what it does. Sure. In fact, I would say social media makes people feel more disconnected because they see things that are unrealistic or or or fantastical. And when I say that, I mean people portray what they want you to see, it's not reality.
SPEAKER_00No, so LinkedIn, Facebook, threads, Instagram, Twitter, X, whatever you want to call it, those are business-related resources. That's all they are.
SPEAKER_01Well, they're they're designed to be that. That's not what they're used for.
SPEAKER_00That's my point.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And people look at it as oh, I'm connected. No, you're just looking at everyone else because that's their source of business and keep you involved and engaged.
SPEAKER_01And this is what happens, and and you can and you see it. I see it with clients that you you end up just scrolling endlessly instead of finding real connection with people, sure. Because that's that's the psychological addiction, just to this quick, just you know, interaction.
SPEAKER_00Do you know how many videos I've seen of carpet cleaning videos? Yes, I've the ASMRs those, yes. Oh my god. I know, I know. You know, I I find myself watching them because I'm a clean freak and I'm like, get it clean.
SPEAKER_01Do you know the other thing I've gotten? I've just every once in a while I go through these these spurts and I get stuck on something. I don't know why. I'm stuck on watching these videos of these sovereign citizens getting pulled over by the police. Oh my goodness, really?
SPEAKER_00Yes, what's your algorithm look like?
SPEAKER_01It's just fascinating because these I get carpeting people, these people just think they're gonna get out of any trouble.
SPEAKER_00I get carpet cleaning videos, and whose line is it anyway? I get a lot of those, and you're getting people getting pulled over.
SPEAKER_01Oh no, I I watch a lot of court stuff, like like a lot of court hearings, there's police videos. Zuckerberg has your team. Yeah, he that they they know my algorithm for sure. Here's the other reason I think loneliness is increasing. As adults, it's much harder to make friends when we're young. School creates a natural environment to connect with people. Sure, you're all the same age, you're all in the same class, you're all from the same area. Yeah, it just fosters people connecting because you're there every day with the same people over and over again throughout your school career.
SPEAKER_00In all honesty, I had a conversation with somebody today, and it was their kid and someone else's kid that when they were in kindergarten, these two people were brought together by the teacher and said, I feel that your kids should have a play date and hang out more because they are so good together in class. Yeah, and these families came together because a teacher said, I think your kids should hang out more because they interact and they're very engaging with one another.
SPEAKER_01Well, and there's a good teacher to even recognize that and move that on.
SPEAKER_00And that and and that's part of it. It's the social interaction, not on social media, right? In person, the social interaction that we have to really pay attention to. So I'm sure you're gonna talk about a little bit of that. Yep.
SPEAKER_01So I mean, again, as adults, our work schedules are everybody has different work schedules. As adults, we spread out as far as the as far as uh distance and and locations, and our responsibilities increase. We have to get jobs, we have to take care of families and a spouse. So maybe as kids, it's just easy because it's built in. As adults, you really have to work if you want to make friends with someone.
SPEAKER_00What I find really extraordinary is the gentleman that we talked about in the winter of the week last week, he was moving from somewhere on the east coast and moving to a job on the west coast, right? He lost his dog in the process and got it back, right? Oh, okay. But when you go through a major life change, a career change from you might be in the same career, but going from one company to another, but it's on the opposite ends of the country, yeah. That in itself could cause loneliness, sure. So it takes the person to recognize yes, I'm going to move to a new spot. What do I do? What are some of the things that somebody could do to not get to that point of I feel lonely because I moved and made a choice in my career? I'm asking you, yeah. What are some of the things that folks can do? Well, we're gonna get there.
How Loneliness Triggers Rejection Fears
SPEAKER_01Oh, I know, I know. No, it's okay. It's okay. What we are gonna get there, don't worry. I just wanted to get there and fix it. But but but I but I want to make sure that everybody understands go on because here's the thing loneliness doesn't just affect emotions, it affects your stress level, your sleep quality, your immune function. And again, it fosters other mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression. So here's the thing when people feel chronically lonely, when they feel like they have no connections, the brain kind of shifts into this social threat mode. And what I mean by that is they people just assume rejection before it even happens, so they don't try. Wow, yeah, they assume rejection, they they assume rejection, so it's just easier not to try at all. Goodness, all right, because of that fear. Wow. So here's the thing and and these could be minor things in and of themselves, they're nothing. I shouldn't say nothing, they're very small, but in in the case of somebody who's very self-conscious and doesn't have those social connections. Yeah, if you message somebody and they don't respond for a day or two, you might feel rejected. A little bit, yeah. If you have made plans with friends or a friend and they have to cancel for whatever reason, even if it's a good reason, you feel a sense of rejection. You feel like you're you're not important.
SPEAKER_00I have opinions to that, and I have thoughts, and and I and I want to say something, but I won't. Yeah, because I I want to get ourselves to the next spot, the next episode.
SPEAKER_01Well, and what happens when you're when you're into this mindset, it's it just creates a cycle where you're just reinforcing loneliness over and over again because you've already assumed that's what it's gonna be.
SPEAKER_00All right, so let's go back to it. So somebody you make plans with and they on the day before or the day of, they say, I'm sorry, I can't. That's not on you. No, I want to say I want to say that a lot. Yeah, absolutely. You're right. That's not on you, that's them saying, I am lonely, I don't feel like I can, right? Or I'm sick, or they come up with an expensive.
Practical Ways To Rebuild Connection
SPEAKER_01Well, I mean, and there might be valid reasons, but that really doesn't matter. It's it's the perception, and and that's that's the part that we want to focus on. Okay, so let's get into how do we re how do we connect with people? How do we rebuild this? How do we get out of this loneliness cycle? Here's the thing we need to focus on depth, not quantity.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so can you de dig a little bit deeper on that?
SPEAKER_01You don't need for the best, I guess the best way to say it is you don't need 500 friends, you need a small group that you're really close with. Yeah. And in that, you know, and I I don't want to define that, I'm just saying, you know, three of four good quality friends that can do much more than a hundred acquaintances that you trust.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, good friends. I mean, if they're good friends, you probably trust them. And these are people that you will trust who pick up your mail and not open it. Yep. No, I think that that's absolutely.
SPEAKER_01But here's the thing: a few authentic friendships uh meet those emotional needs much better than 50 acquaintances. Yeah, it just does. Yeah, here's the other thing. It and this is the tough thing because this takes some this takes some some effort. You need to initiate more. And by that, I'm saying you the assumption is that other people aren't interested in connecting with you, and therefore you don't try. Again, it's a self-defeating cycle where you're you don't you fear rejection, so you don't reach out.
SPEAKER_00You feel they're not interested. Is that what you said?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you feel like you feel like you're gonna get rejected if you try to befriend someone.
SPEAKER_00Okay, because you feel that that person doesn't even know you from Adam, or I it just could be a psychological block for you.
SPEAKER_01It could just be I've been rejected before, so I assume that's what's gonna happen. Yeah, so so here's the thing connection connections with other people, they become more meaningful and deeper when there's a when there's a level of trust. Yes, and that's what a friendship does. Yes, it gives you that space where you can be emotionally safe. And here's the thing when you meet someone or you're trying to make friends, you don't have to do it all right away. It can be a process, just like any relationship. You don't just say after a day of knowing somebody, this is my best friend. But the small moments of honesty can help build that over time. So here's the other thing connections grow faster when people already share a common interest. Wow. So why I'm saying that is there are a lot of places where you can get connect with people with similar interests, hobbies, there are all kinds of hobby groups, and I and I'm I know I'm going back to social media, but let's we'll go to there for a minute. But there are groups for everything on social media, yeah. You know, there are groups on whatever groups of dog lovers, cat lovers, uh hobbies, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_00Let me take you a step. There's a group, let me take you a step further. Get away from social media, get away from the internet and what have you. Go to your local YMCA, go to your local community center and see what clubs are going on.
SPEAKER_01Volunteer organizations, community classes, they're right on my list. Yep. Shared experiences make conversation become easy. Go and volunteer talking about the same thing. Go to a freaking food bank and volunteer your time. Right. So here's a here's a here's a kind of a question to reflect on if you're out there and you're feeling lonely. Where in your life can you make genuine connections with people? So maybe it's reaching out to somebody you've lost contact with. Maybe you had a close friend from high school that you haven't talked to in 20 or 30 years. Being more open with a with a friend, just again, trying to deepen that relationship and make it more safe, I guess is the is the best way to put it.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_01And again, even even joining uh different communities, different, different things. What just just during our the the man cave, we we were talking about organizations like Knights of Columbus and the uh the moose and all these other yeah, the elk, the elks and knights of Columbus, you know, Catholics without basements. There are all kinds of of organizations where you can connect with people. Yeah, so joining a new community can also help you. So here's the thing small actions make transformations over time, over time, it's not gonna happen overnight. Absolutely. So, and the big thing to know is loneliness is not a failure, it's a signal that that makes us that tells us we need to connect with other people, right? That's what it's saying, okay. And and you're right, building new relationships, it takes time, there's risk. You can you you can be rejected, that's a possibility, but that's okay. Because here's the thing not everyone is gonna like you, that's just a fact of life.
SPEAKER_00That's the exact sentence that went through my head. Yeah, not everybody's gonna like you, and that's okay. You could be the sweetest young lady, the sweetest, sweetest guy you could have. You could wear your heart on your shoulder.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you know, there are probably people who hated Mother Teresa, of course, but you say how, but I'm sure there were Gandhi, get out of here. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, no, you could wear your heart on your sleeve, and you know what? If they're not if they don't see the connection, that's okay, move on. Because there is somebody out there that will, yeah, and it takes time to find those friends that do see your heart on your on your sleeve, and that do see that you are a caring human being of other people, it's just not all about you, and that's where a lot of loneliness comes from. What about me? What about me? It it's not about you, right? It's about how you interact with people. Yep, absolutely.
Part Two Tease And Dog Adoption
SPEAKER_01And just as you say that, Matt, we're gonna I'm gonna tell you how to do that in in loneliness part two, which is our next episode, which we're gonna do right now, and I'm gonna give you some very specific things that you can implement to try to address your feelings of loneliness. Yeah, and go on. So, those of you on Facebook Live, stick around. We're doing another episode. Those of you listening to audio, you can skip ahead to the next episode, or if it's not there, it will be there on Tuesday or Thursday, whichever comes first. Before we go, somebody needs a home. Who it be? Seamus, Seamus, not the wrestler.
SPEAKER_00Well, it it is we are getting close. We're getting close to St. Patrick's Day.
SPEAKER_01So that's that's kind of the reasons I that's kind of the reason I picked this name, but I want the dog too. So Seamus was born in 2020, so he's about five, six years old. Okay, give or take. Okay, lab mix, neutered 60 pounds, dog friendly, selective. Okay, well, most labs are cat-friendly, unknown, kid friendly, over eight years old. Okay, but Seamus, Seamus needs a home.
SPEAKER_00Look at that face. Hi, you want me. I love it. I really enjoy that picture.
SPEAKER_01I know. I thought that picture was fantastic. Yeah, I looks like a bat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, his ear, his ears are very yeah, his ears kind of reflect the uh breed that his mom or dad were.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So, anyway, Seamus needs a home. Detroit dogrescue.com slash adopt. Come on, come on, Seamus. Come on, Seamus needs a place to stay. He's adorable. I know.
SPEAKER_00He's six years old and he wants to be loved.
SPEAKER_01He wants he wants a forever home. Yes, he does. So go get him, Detroit Dog Rescue.com slash adopt.
SPEAKER_02Thank you.
SPEAKER_01Alrighty, folks, that is our show for today. Join us for our next episode. We talk about loneliness part two. Change your thinking, change your life, laugh hard, run fast, be kind. We'll see you next time.