Microaggressions After The Fact (part 2) (EP325)

A tiny comment can hit like a gut punch, and the worst part is how easy it is to doubt yourself afterward. We pick up Microaggressions Part Two by focusing on the person on the receiving end: what you feel, what your nervous system does in real time, and how to respond in a way that protects your dignity without turning every moment into a fight.

We break down the stress response (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) and why microaggressions can trigger frustration, confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion even when the “intent” is fuzzy. Then we get practical: the 3-3-3 reset (three things you hear, three you see, move three body parts), simple paced breathing, and mindful pauses that bring you back to the present so you can choose your next move.

From there, we share real-world scripts for handling workplace microaggressions, family comments, and social situations: clarifying questions that stay neutral, I statements that describe impact without accusing, educational responses when someone truly doesn’t get it, and boundary-setting when direct is best. We also talk about when it’s valid to say nothing, how to process the emotional residue afterward, and the bigger therapy truth that you can’t control other people, only yourself and your choices about access.

You’ll also hear our Winner of the Week story, plus a quick spotlight on Happy, an adoptable pup. If this helped, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave us a review so more people can find the show.

Recorded 4-6-26

FIND ME:
My Website: https://motorcityhypnotist.com/podcast
My social media links: 
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/motorcityhypnotist/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCjjLNcNvSYzfeX0uHqe3gA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/motorcityhypno
Instagram: motorcityhypno
FREE HYPNOSIS GUIDE
https://detroithypnotist.convertri.com/podcast-free-hypnosis-guide
Please also subscribe to the show and leave a review.
(Stay with me as later in the podcast, I’ll be giving away a free gift to all listeners!)

Change your thinking, change your life!
Laugh hard, run fast, be kind.  
David R. Wright MA, LPC, CHT
The Motor City Hypnotist

Transcript

Cold Open And What Part Two Means

SPEAKER_04 0:04

In this episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast, we are talking about microaggressions. This is part two. If you've not listened to part one, you can jump back an episode, listen, and catch up to us here, or you can listen to it after this episode. But this is microaggressions part two. We're going to talk about if you're a victim of microaggressions, how should you handle that? What are your things?

SPEAKER_05 0:28

I'm really interested.

SPEAKER_04 0:29

I'm really interested in this side of everything. Yep, absolutely. And I'll just give you some strategies and some things that you can do to deal with this. And as usual, we're giving away free stuff. Hang in there, folks. We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

This sounds like something for the authorities in Detroit. Well, joke's on you. I'm living to 102 men dying at the city of Detroit.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Guys like this don't take over here out of Detroit.

SPEAKER_05 0:56

Spawn in the hellfire's the motel. Take him to Detroit.

SPEAKER_06 1:02

Detroit!

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Stationed in Drambuy. It's worse than Detroit. We did not have as a unit the confidence that we felt like we needed to beat Detroit. Let's go to Detroit.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Now you're talking, brother.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

I don't think so. He plays for Detroit now.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Do they have many farms in Detroit?

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Detroit to Michigan.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

I go to school, I know where Detroit is.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Get ready for the motor steady hypnotist, David R. Wright, originating from the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. He has hypnotized thousands of people from all over the United States. David R. Wright has been featured on news outlets all across the country and is the clinical director of an outpatient mental health and hypnosis clinic located just south of Detroit, where he helps people daily using the power of hypnosis. Welcome to the Motor City Hypnotist, David R. Wright.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

What is going on, my friends? It is David Wright, the Motor City Hypnotist. We are back with another episode of the Motor City Hypnotist Podcast. Yes, we are. That is Matt Fox, the other voice you hear. If he sounds a little bit different, it's because he's 100 miles away in Grand Rapids tonight. But still hanging out with you. You are. You're fantastic. Kudos. So let me tell you folks where you can find me. My website is motorcityhypnotist.com. It is time for prom and grad season. In fact, I head out this weekend to Iowa for the first of three weekend shows in Iowa. They love me down there. I don't know why. Maybe I like corn. I don't who knows. Well, whatever. But uh anyway, prom and grad season is right upon us. So now is the time to book your event if you've not done so. Motorcityhypnotist.com slash shows. You can have a quote within minutes, and we can book within minutes as well. So check that out. ASAP, because dates are filling up very very quickly as of right now. My social media links, Facebook and YouTube, are both Motor City Hypnotist. Snapchat, Instagram, and TikTok are all Motor City Hypno H Y P N O. And this is episode 356. So as we've done, going all the way back to episode number one, text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. Within a few moments, you'll receive a text from me. It will include a downloadable PDF. It's a hypnosis guide that I've written. It's a couple page guide that just kind of gives you general information on how and why hypnosis works and dispel some myths and misconceptions. It's yours for free. Just text the word hypnosis to 313-800-8510. You will also get a link to my Google page, Motor City Hypnotist Google Business page. Now we greatly appreciate if you leave a review there as well, because that will help me out tremendously. And wherever you're listening, whatever platform it is, iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, whatever it is, leave a review there as well because we want to get we want to get the podcast out. We want to grow the audience. We just hit 10,000 downloads a couple of weeks ago. So we want to kind of keep that momentum and build that and just get the podcast out to people who could benefit and enjoy it. Just make a comment and share with your friends, your family, absolutely. Yeah, spread the word because I mean we we have fun, but we we give good information and and we want to help people. That's why we're doing this. So and we do it with fun, right? And yeah, we do we do it, we do it in a fun way. And and I've said this, Matt. I I know we've we've kind of made this intentionally this way. I don't want this podcast to be like dull and drab and like oh, and using a lot of psycho babble. Oh, you're experiencing the shame cycle, which is causing you, you know, undo thoughts of negativity. I I don't want it to be like that. I want it to be real, the way I talk to clients in my office. So that's why we do this. So definitely leave a review, that would be greatly appreciated. All righty, Matt. It is time.

SPEAKER_00 5:30

Is it that's how win it has done?

Winner Of The Week Rescue Story

SPEAKER_04 5:42

All righty.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

What do you got?

SPEAKER_04 5:44

No animals in this story, Matt, but it is a good one. That's okay. What's going on? A teenage Texan has earned a commendation given fewer than 300 times in the history of the Boy Scouts. Can you repeat that one more time? A teenage Texan has earned a commendation given to fewer than 300 times in the history of the Boy Scouts. And how long are the Boy Scouts but around? Oh, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_05 6:16

Let me Google it. You go on.

SPEAKER_04 6:18

Yeah, you Google it and I'll keep reading. Devon Champinroy, I'm sorry, Champ and Sea. Devon Champensey was one of several teen Boy Scouts from Houston rafting down Class III Rapids at summer camp in Georgia's Blue Ridge Mountains. Scout leader David Lemley was at the stern and up on a particularly rough patch, lost his balance and fell into the water. Climbing back in, he can be heard in a video from his helmet camera laughing and saying how fun it was in the hot summer day.

SPEAKER_06 6:55

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 6:56

When further down the river Lemmley fell in again, however, fun was the furthest thing from his mind. His foot got stuck under the seat of the raft while his head and torso were underwater. Wow. Splayed out across the side of the raft, unable to move, his opportunities to breathe came only when the water level happened to be low enough that his head emerged. Meanwhile, his helmet brought him vital time as his head bounced off rocks as the raft surged down the river. Taking a deep breath and steadying himself, Champansey, just 13 years old at the time, clambered across and released Lamley's foot before kayakers helped complete the rescue. I have no doubt that if Devin hadn't released my foot, I was going to die, Lemmley told KHOU 11 News. It took a while for me to take in the fact that this just happened and I saved a life, Champensey said in the same interview, admitting he just acted on instinct. Lemmley's foot had been broken in the ordeal, and Champensey had to take the role of pilot as there were still 20 minutes of rapids left to get through. Oh my goodness. Are these class three, class four rapids? Class three. Class three. Oh man. Yep. Yep. He kept everyone calm and focused until the job was finished. When all was said and done, Devon, having been recommended by a scout leader, was awarded the honor medal with crossed palms for unusual heroism demonstrated in the course of saving a life.

SPEAKER_05 8:36

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_04 8:37

Fewer than 300 of these medals have been awarded in the more than 100 year history of the Boy Scouts. So there you go, Matt. 100 years for Boy Scouts.

SPEAKER_05 8:47

Right. So the Boy Scouts actually were incorporated in February of 1910.

unknown 8:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 8:55

Well yeah, by William D. Boyce in Washington, DC. And it was formal, the organization was formalized and inspired by a British scouting movement that was founded by Robert Baden Powell in 1907. So nice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

So 300 times in over a hundred years this award has been been placed. Wow. And it was unusual.

SPEAKER_05 9:22

It was unusual behavior.

SPEAKER_06 9:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 9:24

Right? Absolutely. Unusual. What did you say? Unusual what? Bravery.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

Yes. The honor medal with cross palms for unusual heroism.

SPEAKER_05 9:38

Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 9:39

Yes. Yep. Demonstrated in the course of saving a life. That's the important part, too. It's not just walking old ladies across the street, Dave. Nope. Nope. So it came with a special recognition from Texas governor Greg Abbott as well. Now 15 years old. Champ and C is attempting to become an Eagle Scout. And KHOU 11 had to remark that they felt it would be a breeze for this young hero to achieve Eagle Scout.

SPEAKER_05 10:09

Sure. Sure. And Eagle Scout is the crumb de la creme of Boy Scouts. Yes, absolutely.

unknown 10:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 10:17

Were you in Boy Scouts, Matt? I was not. I was a Girl Scout. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. No, there's some there's some advantages to that. My my mother was a Girl Scout troop leader. Okay, so you had to go through the whole thing. Yep. So I I had to go on the uh the Girl Scout trips. I was an honorary Girl Scout. Poor you.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

Poor you, man. That's a torture. Oh, camping with a with a 50 girls.

SPEAKER_05 10:48

I don't know what you're talking about, Dave. I don't know what you're talking about. For you. But you know, my escalated quickly.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

SPEAKER_05 11:01

Yeah. My father, my father is an Eagle Scout, and my brothers are, or I believe one of my brothers is an Eagle Scout, and my partner's sons were also in the Boy Scouts. The Boy Scouts have been around have been around for a long time. And there is a store in Troy, Michigan that is a Boy Scout store as well.

SPEAKER_04 11:21

And you can only get yes, in fact, when my son was in Scouts, we had to go out there to get to get some of his stuff, his paraphernalia for yep, yep.

SPEAKER_05 11:30

I I know exactly what you're talking about. Yep. The organization got a nut got a quite a few black eyes over the past couple of uh you know decades.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Yeah, which any organization of that size, you're probably gonna have some some undesirables, let's say.

SPEAKER_05 11:46

But the but what they teach young men and how they teach young men and how to survive in the wild and what things to do, knots to tie, and what have you. There's a lot of uh great things that the Boy Scouts have done. No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 12:02

I went through I went through the whole course of Cub Scouts, Weebelows, Boy Scouts. Never I never got Eagle Scout. I think I only had like 20 or 30 badges, but it's fine. But you're right, it it keeps people focused on on not doing bad. I guess that's the best way to put it, right? They're they're not out doing drugs and going clubbing. Exactly. Yes, exactly. They're they're they're doing things for the community and helping out.

SPEAKER_05 12:28

So and it's the same story for the Girl Scouts. It's true, it's teaching young women how what to do, how to what to look for, keep their heads on a swivel. Yeah, it teaches character. Correct. I love that word.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Absolutely, yeah. So definitely kudos to Devin, the Boy Scout, who saved his uh his uh scout leader life. Definitely winner of the week.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

That's how win it is done.

Whitewater Rafting As A Metaphor

SPEAKER_04 13:05

Yes, it is. So back to it. Just on a side note, Matt, I've been whitewater rafting probably I'm gonna say eight or ten times in my life, and we would go down to West Virginia to the Gauley River, and these were all class five plus rapids.

SPEAKER_05 13:24

I I've been on the uh Lower Yao, Y-O-U-G-H, Lower Yao, and those are class three, class fours. I had an absolute blast. I will share the pictures with you of us going through a rapid. We we had a riot going through the rapids, yeah. And there was a group in front of us that's that didn't speak English, and they had a really tough time. Oh no, yeah. I'll tell you later, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:50

So so what's your story with the whitewater rafting? So in the Gauley River, again, that these are class five plus. So the the way this is set up in West Virginia on the Gali River, yeah, there's an upper and a lower. When you put in the upper, you put in right where the dam is. Now they've changed things since we went 30, 25 years ago, whenever it's been. Because it used to be, I don't know if you've seen these dams with these huge holes that have to be like a thousand feet apart, and the water just just billowing out of those at full force. That's where we put in. You put the raft in right there, right where all that water is rushing out, and then start down the river. Now they've updated that, of course, over the years to be hydroelectric, so it's not as as a what what's the word? It's it's not so intimidating, let's say. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:44

But I will say technology has had to take a step into yes.

SPEAKER_04 14:50

But I will say that I went out on a class five plus rapid. I'm proud of it. It was scary. Like I bet I I I went head over heels, feet above my head. And what when you go under, there's there's no up, down, left, right. There's no sense of anything. You just wait to come up. Oh, yeah. It was scary. It it was it, it was really, it was scary. They had to pull me back in, and it it's it's so so. I'll say that that if anybody's ever been went over in whitewater rafting, it can be a scary ordeal for sure.

Why Microaggressions Hit So Hard

SPEAKER_05 15:31

It's terrifying, Dave. It's it's very terrifying because you again, you don't know which end is up. Yep, right? Absolutely. That's and that's where the whole microaggression, when if you're the if you're the aggressor, you don't know which end is up. And you're looking at a a a wave of something, and that's coming back at you, and that's the person that's trying to understand what you just said, right, and then taking offense to it.

SPEAKER_04 16:02

Absolutely, right? So so and and in general, and anytime you felt dismissed or stereotyped or disrespected, like a wave, it's yeah, like like getting pulled under under a class five plus rapid. Thank you. You're gonna feel this. Now, now here's the thing: your your your feelings are valid, even if the if even if the intent was not intentional, if if even if the statement was not intentional, your feelings are what's important. And if you feel dismissed or stereotyped or disrespected, that that that is valid for you. That's what you feel. So you might notice some things that happen if you're a victim of microaggression, frustration and anger, confusion, like wow, did they really say that? Self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and anxiety. So, so so these microaggressions bring up all these negative emotions. And here's the thing: the hard part is it it's so ambiguous, ambiguous that they're subtle because these some microaggressions again oftentimes aren't intentional, they could be offhand comment, and then you ask yourself, did they really mean it that way?

SPEAKER_05 17:23

I didn't understand I didn't know that you had such a I didn't know you had such a stranglehold on the English language, Dave. Ambiguous?

SPEAKER_04 17:30

It's hard because I it's really ambiguity, but I probably see up.

SPEAKER_05 17:43

Our segue is complete. I got I got Matt.

SPEAKER_04 17:46

I'm gonna be honest, I got in the middle of that word and I don't know what where it went. It just like that there was no good way to finish it. It was just crazy. No, don't shut me up.

SPEAKER_05 17:59

But the fact is that we made it from class four or five rapids, yeah to microaggression. So yes, we did.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

That was a great transition, brother. That that's perfect. We're so for professionals, yeah. So a lot of times when we're victims of microaggression, it again it's it's hard to understand because you think it a lot of times when we have a negative reaction, we doubt ourselves. We're like, well, maybe they didn't mean it, or maybe they didn't know. But the whole thing is your feelings are valid, your emotional response is not an overreaction, it's information. Your mind and your body are signal signaling to you that something is off or something's not right with this.

SPEAKER_05 18:46

So the individual that is feeling that aggression, what are they feeling? Are are is their heart rate? Great question, Matt.

SPEAKER_04 18:54

I can tell you exactly what they're feeling.

SPEAKER_05 18:56

Please, please do.

The 3-3-3 Grounding Reset

SPEAKER_04 18:58

Your nervous system goes into stress response, which means fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. That's the reaction because automatically your nervous system goes into that that defensive response or even offensive response. So here's some tips as far as what happens if you feel like you've been a victim of microaggression, whether it's a statement or an action. There's a couple couple of techniques that I want to share with you. Please. One is called the 3-3-3 reset. 3-3-3. Yep. I don't know if you've ever heard of this this technique, Matt. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 19:36

No, I have not.

SPEAKER_04 19:37

So what this is, it's a type of mindfulness techniques that kind of brings you, ground you into your current reality. Is this a part of emotional intelligence of an individual to recognize it? It could be. So grounding or mindfulness techniques helps bring us from out here. I know those of you on audio can't see me waving my hands.

SPEAKER_05 20:07

But you're you're you're you're out. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

Yeah. It it brings that that that that reaction from out here to inside. So the 333 reset is one, you name three things you can hear, three things you can see, and you move three parts of your body.

SPEAKER_05 20:27

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

I like that. And what that does, again, it's a mindfulness technique. And all mindfulness techniques are designed to do is bring you from this noise that's out here back inside yourself to just quiet and just just relax. So it helps you bring out of that emotional overwhelm and brings you back into the present moment. So there are also other techniques you can do, which are again simple mindfulness techniques, slow deep breaths, inhale for four, exhale for four. This creates all of these mindfulness techniques are designed to just give you that pause to let your brain reset. And that's the whole point of mindfulness techniques. And that's why it's so effective with anxiety, because it gets you out of that excited state back into this more introspective, quiet state.

SPEAKER_06 21:23

Sure.

Neutral Ways To Speak Up

SPEAKER_04 21:24

Yeah. So here's the thing if you're a victim of microaggression, you're you're you're not obligated to have to respond to it. Like, like I I know sometimes, especially if you think it's intentional, the thing is to attack it or or or or correct it. But you really don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. So there are some approaches that you can use that are not so confrontational, let's say. One is clarifying the question, a simple clarifying question. Question could be, I want to make sure I understood you. Can you say that again?

SPEAKER_05 22:05

Or or or better yet, you know, because it's it's all about emotional intelligence and recognizing your surroundings and who's coming at you. Instead of tell me what you meant, it's more of help me understand what you meant by that statement. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 22:21

Well, because the other person think, you know. Yes. Well, here's number two in that in that clarifying question is can you explain what you just said?

SPEAKER_05 22:32

Help me understand, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

Yep, yep, exactly. And what this does, it it's it's a gentle challenge, but it's not a confrontation. Sure.

SPEAKER_05 22:42

If that makes sense, you know, it's a highly emotional, and I keep saying it, it's a highly emotional intelligent reaction because you're not putting them on the offensive, right? Or on the defensive, or on the defensive, right? Neutral, you're right.

SPEAKER_06 22:57

It's a neutral.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

Yep. Num number two, as far as things that you can do or how to respond, is an I statement. And and I use this a lot, Matt, when when I'm working, especially with couples in therapy, like okay, in relationships. I I will this is one of the things I use almost every couple, the first session. I said, Okay, from this point going forward, I want you guys when you're interacting, to only use I statements. Now you've mentioned that before. You you I'm sure it's come up because I really pound this. That this is something I really try and reinforce. Because when you use I statements, you're not you're not projecting onto the other person, you're saying what you feel, and somebody can't argue that, somebody can't contradict that because it's how you feel. So expressing your experience without being accusing. Here's an example, a couple of examples. Hey, you know, Matt, I felt uncomfortable when that when you said that. Can can you explain a little bit more? Or this is a little bit more direct, but you know, I'd really prefer that you don't just make that assumption without any any context. I I mean that that that that is a little bit more direct, but a little bit more direct, yeah, yeah. Yeah, another way to do it, and here's the educational response to it. Hey Matt, that comment it really can come and kind of come across as stereotyping because, and then you say why, right? Or hey Matt, you know what? Here's why that language might be offensive to some people. This is why. That's just calling them out of the bullshit, is what it is. No, it it kind of is, and and again, also keeping in mind that they might not know they're doing it. That's that's why there's a gentle way to approach it without being confrontational. Because again, I I am one of these people, I don't like confrontation. I I I I don't enjoy it, and most people I would say don't. Right. So there's a good way to do it. Here's the educational response. I'm sorry, we did that one. The boundary response. Okay, and and and this is in a in a case where sometimes direct is best. Hey, I didn't what you said is not okay with me, or you know, you shouldn't say things like that. Again, that's a little bit more direct, a little more to the point, but it just depends on what we're doing. So the other option is choose not to engage at all. Because at this point, silence isn't a weakness, it's just it's something that you just don't want to deal with, and and you're just gonna take it and you're gonna move on, and that's also an option.

SPEAKER_05 26:04

So and that's where when we started our conversation in the last episode, yeah, that's where things are building up, where you don't, you know, you you say nothing, right? You you you just don't, and that's where it starts to build, and and then it can it can build up in you, and you can get resentment and anger and these sorts of things. And that's where the depression am I good enough? What's going on? I'm not confident enough. That's where that starts. And if folks can be uh what's you know, honest with themselves, and yeah, if something truly bothers them, they they need to be able to you know vocalize that in a way that it doesn't offend the other person, it just brings it back to that neutral ground. Yep, and and and it it's it's hard work, it really is to be able to get to that point where you can recognize I'm offended, I should say something. Yeah, how do I say it? Yep, absolutely. It takes hard.

SPEAKER_04 27:07

This is and this is kind of the challenge in many relationships. It's to to get your point across without being confrontational. That that's a fine line and it's very difficult to do.

SPEAKER_05 27:19

It is, it is.

Processing After And Building Support

SPEAKER_04 27:21

So the other thing that you can do is processing after, if you've been a victim of microaggression in whatever form, it's good to process it because that can linger emotionally. If somehow you in in some some some vague way you were insulted by a microaggression or criticized in some way, talk it, talk about it to somebody you trust, a third party, somebody not involved. Journaling helps just to write out what you're feeling, what the experience meant to you, how it affected you. Name the experience, just recognize it. Hey, that was a microaggression. So, so it's it's kind of on that person. It's really not a reflection on me. And the big thing is to not blame yourself because it's easy to kind of take these microaggressions and kind of hold on to them in some instances and start to believe what this other person is saying.

SPEAKER_05 28:22

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 28:22

And that can happen just as far as somebody with with maybe low self-esteem or or not a strong sense of self. So that that can be that can be difficult. So the big thing is it's if if you're dealing with these microaggressions often, it's it's just not a it's it's not about just kind of getting through it. It's it's it's about uh setting some longer term strategies. Okay, if I'm with this person who is constantly making these comments, do I need to be around this person? Or you know, if I'm if I'm hearing the same thing over and over again, should I look at myself and kind of evaluate is is there's any truth to these statements that I'm hearing? Because again, that that sometimes will happen. You'll get some this this self-realization that, oh yeah, I guess I am doing that. So again, some specific steps you could do, build support systems, friends, family, people you trust, people you have good relationships with. Set emotional boundaries, limit exposure to people or environments that bring up these bad microaggressions or feelings. And the other thing is trust your trust your perception when when you when you're dealing with people. And it and here's the thing you you can you can say to somebody or or you can you can evaluate and know somebody somebody did a microaggression towards me, but it's not necessarily conscious. So so you're not really getting like this, this personal attack or vendetta against a person because they they they just might be ignorant, right? That that's not an excuse, but at the same time, how much is it how how much energy do you want to expend to address this?

SPEAKER_05 30:26

Right.

SPEAKER_04 30:28

Because sometimes if you just focus on yourself, and and this is on honestly, this is a whole theory of therapy. The world is effed up, you're not gonna get favors. You're yeah, in general, people are gonna disappoint you, but that's why you have to have a strong sense of self and your own self-worth so that those things are not as effective for you or not or not effective to you.

SPEAKER_05 30:57

I I I I I hear what you're saying, and it comes down to what side do you want to be on? Yep. Are you going to be the person that's gonna take offense and want it tilde up? Or are you gonna be the person that's gonna confront? Because we talked a few times about confrontation. I'm not a fan of confrontation, you're not a fan of confrontation, right?

SPEAKER_04 31:24

And honestly, there there are people who do kind of get off on confrontation.

SPEAKER_05 31:29

You're not wrong, you're absolutely not wrong, and people you know tend to thrive off of confrontation because that's where they live, but then they create confrontation, and that's where the problem lies.

SPEAKER_04 31:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 31:43

And if they're just trying to create confrontation, those are the folks that you don't want to be able to rely on, or you don't want to rely on because you know that they're going to create confrontation. You want to absolutely if you want to grow as an individual and be able to take care of your own business, Dave, and represent yourself, you don't want to rely on somebody else. You need to rely on your own character.

SPEAKER_04 32:09

Yeah, so here's the thing: if if you're dealing with microaggressions or you've been a victim of microaggressions, there's no right way to go about managing this. Some days, some days it might be the best thing to speak up and confront the person, other days it might mean just walking away and just not addressing it at all.

SPEAKER_05 32:31

Time and place, right?

SPEAKER_04 32:33

Time and place. Yep, but both of those approaches are valid, it's just whatever it dictates in that situation for you to be respected, seen, and safe. So that is do I feel a part?

SPEAKER_05 32:45

Do I feel a part three about no, no?

Boundaries And Relationship Decisions

SPEAKER_04 32:48

I I I think we're we're kind of close to to to wrapping this one up, Matt. Okay, okay, yeah, so so I'm I'm I'm gonna go back to listen without dismissing, avoid defensiveness, okay, speak up when you experience microaggressions, and and just take care of yourself. Because here's the thing, other people I in and this is a therapy thing, and and and I know people will get it when I say it, but and and I say it in session a lot, and people have to just take it. Okay, you are never gonna control anyone else's actions or what they say, it's it's never going to happen. As much as you try, you're always going to fail. The only thing that you have control over is yourself.

SPEAKER_05 33:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 33:42

So the bottom line is if you're a victim of microaggressions and you and they're coming from this can same sources over and over again, you need to evaluate why you're still in contact with these sources. That that that's for you, for your own self-care, your own well-being, your own mental health. And I know it's hard to it's hard to dismiss or to end relationships, but if somebody is not healthy for you, it's better to end it than to kind of deal with it over weeks, years, I mean, a lifetime. Some people, some people are in such dysfunctional relationships they never get out of.

SPEAKER_05 34:28

So, so wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. And and and do you really have to end the relationship, or can you just kind of pull yourself back from that relationship?

SPEAKER_04 34:39

I I mean, not necessarily. Again, it just it depends on the situation, the the the degree of what's happening, every situation is very individual. Sure. So when I'm working with clients, we take that all into account. Okay, but here's the thing: if if if you're with somebody who is constantly having these microaggressions towards you, then you have to evaluate. Do I want to continue to experience this? The other thing is, do you really feel like that there could be some change? Because that's the biggest question. If you don't feel like that's ever going to change, then why continue?

SPEAKER_05 35:18

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

If you feel like the other person has some insight and some self-reflection, then yes, it's something we can work on. Sure. That that's kind of the that's kind of the ongoing struggle in therapy is that who is this person really committed to making this better? And especially working with couples, there's always one person who's more committed than the other.

SPEAKER_05 35:40

Right. And they might seem that they're committed to changing. And this, I can change, I can change, can they?

SPEAKER_04 35:50

Yep. So the big thing is if you're a victim of microaggression, you deserve to feel respected and seen and heard and safe. That that is the bottom line. I think that that's something you need to work towards.

SPEAKER_05 36:07

Uh you need to be able to be feel that you're seen and heard consistently. Yep. It can't just be a one-off, it's gotta be consistently.

SPEAKER_04 36:16

Well, and and that's and again, when I'm working with clients, we need to see long-term changes. It can't be just for a day or a week or a month.

SPEAKER_05 36:26

Right.

SPEAKER_04 36:27

We have to establish long-term patterns.

SPEAKER_05 36:29

It's lifetime, absolutely. Friends, spouses, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters. Whatever.

Dog Of The Week And Wrap-Up

SPEAKER_04 36:37

Yep, yep, yep, absolutely. Alrighty, folks. That is our microaggressions part two. Before we go today, who is it? Somebody needs a home. Who is it? Happy.

SPEAKER_05 36:53

What happy needs a home? How old is how old is Happy? Happy looks like her barely two years old.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

Happy was born three months ago. Holy shit, come on, December. December of 25. He's a pit mix female. Sorry, she's a pit mix. She's a pit mix. Uh, will be 50 pounds, full grown, so not huge. Dog friendly, yes, cat friendly, yes, kid friendly, yes. Wait, wait, wait. Three months and they're cat friendly? Yes.

SPEAKER_05 37:29

Wow. They annoyed you.

SPEAKER_04 37:32

Activity level is high, which is understandable being a puppy.

SPEAKER_06 37:35

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 37:36

But there's happy. Let me get my finger off of her name.

SPEAKER_05 37:44

She's adorable. Look at the marking beauty. She's beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 37:47

I know. We've had some great looking dogs over the last few few episodes. What when are we going to get Detroit Dog Rescue on the podcast? You know what? That's a great question, Matt. I am I am go I'm going to reach out to them. That's on my to-do list. We're definitely going to do that because I'd love to have them on and talk a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 38:05

So, how we understand why you haven't done that yet? Was that was that microaggressive or what?

SPEAKER_04 38:11

No, I it's it's just ineptness on my part. It's just being being overwhelmed with life and work and everything else that goes on in life. Yeah, not an excuse.

SPEAKER_05 38:24

I just being honest. I appreciate what you do and how you do it, David. And you know, it'll happen when it happens. There, there's no problem.

SPEAKER_04 38:33

And and and and I do have, and I've shared with you my aspirations as far as getting more more interviews on our podcast, getting Detroit dog rescue involved. So so there's there's a lot of possibilities. I just need to get my ass off and the floor and do it.

SPEAKER_05 38:49

You're good, brother. You're good, but I appreciate what you do.

SPEAKER_04 38:52

After June 10th, because uh it's grip prom grad season until June 10th. I heard you and I and I agree. Yes, yeah, so Sunday, folks. That is our show for today. We'll be back next Monday, right around eight o'clock Eastern Standard Time. If you want to join us on Facebook Live, we record live on the Motor City Hypnotist Facebook page. Matt and I are gonna get together at some point and get my YouTube hooked up so we can uh do a dual broadcast. We can do that, Matt, right?

SPEAKER_06 39:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:27

You just need to give us what we need.

SPEAKER_06 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

Yeah, I I know, I know. It's just I I've never focused on my YouTube stuff because there's not a whole lot on there. But if I start funneling the content there also, I could build that area. So, yes, definitely. All righty, folks. That is our show. Change your thinking, change your life, laugh hard, run fast, be kind. We'll see you next time.