So what do lions, and lambs have to do with parenting style? How that parenting style affects children? And how is that all relate to boundaries?
Inspired by the book "Raising Lions" by Joe Newman, in this episode of the Playground Talks podcast, you will explore the different parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian) and the delicate balance between child autonomy and parental authority.
Check out this short and sweet episode and hear the pitfalls of being too permissive or authoritarian and the benefits of authoritative parenting.
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Tammy:
Hello and welcome back to another empowering episode of The Playground Talks podcast, the go-to podcast for busy parent who wants to own their parenting style. I am Tammy Afriat your host and a mother of three. And a passionate parent coach. And I'm here to guide you through the exciting journey of raising confident independent Little Lion. So today we actually dive what parenting style means. We're gonna explore the delicate balance between child autonomy and parent authority. Inspired by the great great book called Raising Lions by Newman. And I want to start by reflecting on this powerful quote from this book. So Joe Newman says, today's parent and teachers are creating lions. Current approaches to parenting and teaching. Developed children who are strong-willed, confident, self-assured, and unafraid to speak their minds. But while we are creating lions, we are behaving like lamps. Our child wearing has become overprotective. And hypersensitive. The problem is lambs cannot effectively raise lions. So I really resonate with this quote and when I just starting working with parents, I realized that one of the main issue. That parents struggle with is actually visioning their parenting style because, in previous generation, the authoritarian style was more acceptable. And today the pendulum has shifted to the more permissive parenting style. And that's why Joan Newman says that's not an effective way to raise children. So let's dive in and say, what are those parenting styles? And as I describe those, I invite you to think where do you see yourself in a scale between being a permissive parent, authoritative , parent or authoritarian parent? And I want to tell you that even for myself, I think that there is a difference even for one child and being more permissive, where. For the other child and being more authoritarian And there could be also differences by the way you parent in different areas of your life. For example, you set more clear boundaries around food, but you are more permissive when it comes to screen time. So I'm just saying that this is a scale that we talk about and that might. Changes from one area to your life to another, and from one kid to another. So keep that in mind. And I do wanna mention that one of the resource have used for this episode the N C B I. National Library of Medicine. this article that calls types of parenting style and effect on children was last updated September, 2022. And I will attach this to the show note if you want. To have a look as well. So let's dive in and start with what is authoritarian parent style look like? So it means that the parents establish . Strict rules without explanation. that's kind of a one way communication style. So , the parent says something and he expects strict obedience and compliance with their children, leaving no room for negotiation and even error. So mistakes are often are met with punishment and are not welcome as a growth approach. In this article, they say that while children raise under authoritarian, parents may appear well behaved and capable of following instructions precisely. They may also exhibit higher level of , aggression, shyness, and an inability to make independent decision. So, as I mentioned before, punishing kids, yelling at them. treating them aggressively are not expected anymore, and that's why. In a way, the pendulum has shifted to be more permissive. So once I heard that there is the N word, and I was like, what is the N word? And so this parent told me, ah, it's no, we're not saying no to our kids. And so those parent to be permissive , which is characterized by establishing loose. Or even no boundaries at all. There is no clarity of what's the expectation from the child, and Sometimes they act even more like friends than parenting. And they allow the children to figure things out for themselves and make limited use of discipline. So while children of permissive parents may have some self-esteem and decent social skills, there are potential drawbacks to these parenting styles because limited rules And the freedom given to the children extends to the decision about bedtime, homework, screen time, can lead to the development of negative habits, in addition, children of permissive parents may exhibit traits such as impulsiveness, demanding behavior, selfishness, and a lake of self-regulation. So I hope that by that point, You get what Joe is trying to say, that being either pervasive parent or authoritarian parent is not the ideal way to rear your child. So now let's describe what's authoritative parenting means, so in authoritative parenting, The parents establish clear boundaries and there is a clarity around what's the rules, what's the expectation, and also. parents in the authoritative parenting style, communicate assertively and openly with the kids. Leave the kids a room for negotiation and asking question. the parents also actively listening to their children, to their thoughts, their feeling, their opinions, and they take into consideration the and feel of the child. So it's not. A child driven permissive parenting style, or it's not just parent driven like you can see in the authoritarian parenting style, but it's actually more mutually respectful of need of every person in the household. So what's happening in those kind of. Relationship is that the parents develop close and nurturing relationship with the children, providing clear guidelines, and explaining the reasons behind disciplinary actions. And the whole perspective is that discipline is a form of support rather than punishment. This parenting style leads to healthy outcomes for children fostering confidence, responsibility and self-regulation, and children of authoritative parents effectively manage negative emotions leading to better social and emotional wellbeing. And when we circle back to lambs raising lions, I think the main question is how you give this child autonomy while keeping your parental authority? And so this is something that we will discuss in the next episode, so stay tuned. However, in the meanwhile, as a wrap up to this episode, I encourage you to reflect on your own parenting style. Are you behaving like a lamp, avoiding conflict with your kids? Afraid of saying no, and setting and holding the boundaries. Or are you setting very strict and flexible boundaries and you find yourself many times in a power struggle? So we will touch in the next episode how to set boundaries and how to recognize when that's actually a power struggle and you're not setting a boundary or holding a boundary. I invite you if you need. Extra support and you find yourself exhausted from being a parent or not confident of what do you do and how to do it. I invite you to leave me a message or book a 30 minutes free call. All the links are into show note, so thanks for joining. The Playground Talks podcast, I hope you now feel empowered and you can start envision what parent Parenting styled. You want to embrace Until the next episode, treat yourself and your kids with compassion and curiosity. Bye.