Motherhood through Childhood Cancer & Chronic disease w/Brittany Magnus

Grab your tissues. We hear from Brittany, one of my amazing and strong followers, about her son, Cole, who has high risk acute lymphoblastic leukemia and her son, Hudson, who has Chron's Disease.
Thank you so much to Brittany for sharing her and her family's story. 

In the episode, we cover:

1. Brittany, you’re here today to share with us about life as a family with two small kids, one diagnosed with cancer and one with chrons disease back to back. But tell us about how life was for you just before these awful news?
2. Tell us about what led up to these diagnoses, what made you do the testing?
3. You have to often shift between mom and caregiver, tell us about how this works between you and your support system and how has it impacted your mental health?
4. What has helped you get through all of this?
5. How can we best support a friend with a child with cancer?

Brittany is a suburban Chicago mom of 2 boys and a childhood cancer advocate.
IG: @brittmagnus_
Brittmagnus.com

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Disclaimer: This podcast does not provide any medical advice, it is for informational purposes only!

Transcript

It's a heavy one today, guys. We're talking about childhood cancer. I got a little bit emotional during this episode, but our guest, Britney, who is a momma of two boys, did an amazing job sharing her story. She has a five year old and a seven year old. And at the time of their diagnosis. CS How do you say that? They were two and a half and around five years old, so her son Cole, at two and a half, was diagnosed with leukemia, and her son Hudson, shortly after at age five, was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. So Britney's a medical mama and she shares all the things about how we got to this diagnosis. Why? To trust your mom. Gut What support system is needed for medical mamas and so much more. Let's jump into this episode. I. Brittany, thank you so much for being here. I'm. I'm a little bit scared about this conversation because I feel like it's going to make me cry. It's that time of the month, and I'm already, like an emotional human as it is. But we're going to talk about some hard things as moms today. And I'm super grateful for you for opening up your personal story to us. And before we dive in, do you want to tell us a little bit about yourself, not the topic, but just about you? Like, who are you? What do you do? Like kids aside, husband aside, I know they're your life, but tell me about yourself. Yeah. So thank you. So much for having me and giving me a platform to kind of talk about a hard topic. But my name is Brittany and I am a mom and a wife. And what I like to do, I love to have family photo shoots with my kids. My husband doesn't like it, but I love it. And that's really important to me, especially after everything. I love clothes, makeup, music, obsessed with Morgan Wallen. Yes, I was just listening to that. I love it so much. You bring me so much joy. Yeah. and you have to. Beautiful boys and you're married. And do you are you a stay at home mom care slash caregiver right now? So I was a tax paralegal since 2009. It was my only job. Right? Right after college. And I worked until Cole got sick. And that's one of the things I'm struggling with, is trying to to figure out my new path. Like, can I go back to that job? Do I is it going to fulfill me the same way? Yeah, that's hard. And we're going to talk about Cole and we're going to talk about Hudson. Cole and Hudson are your boys. And I read your story. You sent me your story, but I want everyone else to hear your story. So Cole is your little boy who was diagnosed with cancer and Hudson was diagnosed with Crohn's disease shortly after. And that's what we're gonna talk about today. But before we talk about the sucky stuff, how is life for you before you have these awful news about your kids? Like how is your family life? How was your parenting? What did a day look like in your home? I was working from home since 2018, so I was with my kids a lot all the time. We had a happy little life. The kids would spend the day jumping on the trampoline in the basement playing crazy YouTube songs. My husband would work, I would work. We're really into holidays. We put the tree up at the beginning of November. I've tried to establish little family traditions. We were happy, just the little normal, happy family. Yeah, it's actually sad to think about it like that. My parenting style has always been gentle parenting. I try really hard to do that, but sometimes I end up yelling and that's a whole other, you know, guilt as being a mom. So we were a happy little family, just normal. Spent our days trying to just have fun together, and then Your life drastically changed. You're a perfectly happy family. Things were perfectly fine. And then all of a sudden, you have these awful diagnosis for your two kids. You're only two kids. So tell me about how, like, kind of go from the beginning. What made you even suspect or what made you even want to take your child in to get checked out? So ever since I had that, the boys, even before, I've always been paranoid about my health. I'm going to get cancer, just always on very high alert. Well, so that's like a thing because same is that like a millennial? Like, is that are we the same age? I'm 38. Okay, I'm 35. So I feel like that was like our generation probably for the listeners out there, can you relate? Like, are you paranoid? Yeah. So everyone that knows me knows I'm always taking my kids to the doctors.
 It's nothing new. So what? I noticed that Cole had a swollen lymph node behind his ear, so just right behind the flap, I was like, That's weird. He. Has that been sick? Why does he have a swollen lymph node? So COVID was going on during that time? I did a video visit with the pediatrician, showed her she was not concerned at all. She prescribed an antibiotic, which we did, and I was checking it every day, you know, is it going down? Are the antibiotics working? it went down a little bit, but not much. So then I finally went into the office and I was so nervous that she had me get bloodwork done and a chest X-ray just to rule anything out and I think calm my nerves. Everything was perfect at that point. Blood work was good. Chest X-ray didn't show anything concerning. Okay, I'm feeling good. Go back home. Still watching it. It's getting bigger at this point. I would circle it to kind of see how much bigger it was getting over time at that point. Back to the pediatrician. We did an ultrasound. The ultrasound looked fine. They looked like normal reactive lymph nodes. But again, what are they reacting to? There wasn't any issue. Then we had a CT scan with contrast, and that showed some more swollen lymph nodes, but nothing didn't really tell us anything. The doctor called me after the test results came in from that CT scan and said, it is not cancer, this is not cancer. Maybe he just has some kind of different infection we need to figure out. So we went to the EMT. He as well did not think it was anything. Told me like he was a betting man and he would never bet that this was cancer. He wanted to do a mano test, which we did. It came back negative. He prescribed a round of steroids when I knew something was really wrong was when the steroids didn't bring it down. So a few days into the steroids, I called him and just decided to go ahead and schedule a biopsy on the day of the this. first of all, how long are we into the process? Second of all, how's Cole feeling? Like, is he sick at all through all this, or is he just like normal kid? So Cole has always been a very easy content baby. I was still breastfeeding him. He was two and a half at the time, so he there were no, like, red flags. He didn't have any particular particularly he didn't complain of pain. He did nap a little bit longer, but nothing. Again, I'm like very in tune to the kids. And I was hyper fixated on like trying to see if there was anything else going on. So no real symptoms the biopsy was set for the day after Easter and in the Midwest it was unseasonably warm. We spent the day outside on the swing set just enjoying each other as a family, knowing we had the biopsy the next morning. The next morning we wake up, we go to the children's hospital, have the biopsy. He did great, Didn't cry for the I.V., Woke up from anesthesia. Great. They said, we'll call you, you know, in a week with the results. Okay. We go home feeling, feeling good, hoping that I'm just being paranoid again, Right. this is going to put my mind at ease. That night I had a missed call. I dialed it back and it said, This is the hematology and oncology department at Lurie Children's Hospital. Heart sank. I yelled to Brad, my husband, he had just put down. He had a missed call as well. So at that moment I'm calling back. I had to page the on call Doctor. I finally get her on the phone. The first thing I say is, it's cancer, isn't it? She's like, yes, it's indicative of leukemia or lymphoma. We need to get you to the hospital right away. And I'm like, cool sleeping. Like, should we do it in the morning? And she's like, No, you should wake them and you should come down now. Called my mom. She came over. That whole part is very blurry. I don't remember the ride to the hospital. The stuff I packed was completely random. I didn't even pack what I actually would need. We went there. I can remember the oncologist and there was a resident. I remember her clearly, just like watching us get the worst news of our life. The staff was great. It all started pretty immediately. You had a port placed, you got treatment. We had to sign all these consent forms. I was just in a fog that whole time because it was so surreal, right? Like, this is something you see happen in the movies. Maybe, you know, one family with cancer, but you don't know a lot of families with cancer, kids with cancer, usually unless you're me and you're in this world. So Cole started treatment right away, came home to Hudson, right. Because my husband and I were switching off because Hudson was five five and he missed us. And he was scared and confused. I have a question. So, yeah, from the moment you found the lymph node to the diagnosis, how long was that? Six weeks. Okay, so I just want to call out your mom gut like You can be paranoid all you want, but at some point, most people will be like, okay, I you know, I trust this is nothing. Everyone's saying it's nothing. But you push for a biopsy and like, that's not you being paranoid. I mean, in my opinion, that's your gut. That's like something telling you like that. Nobody absolutely nobody else can feel almost are the mother of that child. And I think you and I can both agree, like, you just know, like you can't explain it. It's like a paranormal thing and motherhood and the fact that you kept pushing like, that's that's powerful. And I can I can see it on your face and I can tell in your voice and I can tell when you tell the story that you're still like, you can't tell the story without feeling like you're lost, you know? Yes. Like, yeah, I feel like throwing up listening to your story because I can't even imagine that. But anyways, yeah, that's crazy. So six weeks it took and that's seems like a long, a long time. Probably for you and a lot of things for you. But like, what if you didn't push What if you didn't push the doctors you know, had Yeah. at the time had any of them like said good for you for like pushing because you know you had all these people resisting your gut. Yeah. The doctors in the emergency room, the oncologist, they were like, it's so good that you pushed. You know, we caught it early because at that point, the blood work did show abnormal, you know, counts. And leukemia cells they did or didn't blast. They did. So from that first test, nothing, which I did notice hemoglobin was a little low, but nothing crazy. Then six weeks later, the blood work is all out of whack. And so if I would have had bloodwork done in between, I often wonder if we would have caught something. But who wants to subject their kid to more bloodwork? Yeah, I mean, you're only like you're. I don't know. You're you're going to really do so much and the fact that you push enough that they actually agree to do all these things. I could I work in the medical field and sometimes it's hard to get them to agree to do any of that stuff because of that, you know. And so. Cole we're talking about Cole. He was two and a half at the time, and he was officially diagnosed with high risk acute lymphoblastic leukemia, correct? Yes. Okay. So what does that mean? So that's actually the most common childhood cancer. They say it's like the good cancer. But I know kids with that cancer who have passed away so doesn't feel good. It's a very long treatment plan. Two and a half years of chemo, you know, every day, spinal taps, awake chemo and his port. So when you have a port, I'm sure you know when you have a port, if you get a fever, you have to be at the hospital within an hour. So for two and a half years, our life was on edge, I would say, and unstable because we didn't know at what moment were we going to have to pack up and go to the hospital. So it was a lot of trauma. I put Hudson in therapy right away, right after childbirth. He's the older brother. Okay? You put him in therapy while you are like I put you're such an in-tune mom. I know you said in the beginning you practice gentle parenting, and it is hard. It is. We know it's hard, right? All the time on my podcast. But it's like you are putting your kids not only their physical health, but their mental health first. And that's so cool. So Hudson's in therapy, but then also Hudson was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Yes. So I probably a few weeks after Cole was diagnosed, Hudson was complaining of knee pain, only knee pain. I'm like, okay, that can be a sign of leukemia. So I'm immediately triggered. Go to the pediatrician. And because of the history and me, you know, being so concerned and pushy, we were I wanted to figure out what was the cause of it. So we did bloodwork to start there and rule out leukemia. And he had high inflammation markers. So I'm like, okay, why are these high? The doctor saying it could be like a gluten allergy, Lyme disease, rheumatoid arthritis, all these different things. So she's doing more tests to rule out everything and find a potential diagnosis. Eventually, I started thinking that he did get stomachaches and he was a little constipated, but nothing where I would ever in my dreams think that he would have Crohn's disease. And they told me, I don't think this is anything. We'll do the test. I went to a GI doctor. He said the numbers with someone who has Crohn's disease are just way higher. So I do not think this. He was very tenured, he had seen a lot of children with Crohn's. So he had seen their numbers, their lab work and it wasn't as high as hard since they did a colonoscopy on Hudson. I remember I was in the recovery room with Hudson. My husband was downtown at the hospital with Cole. The GI doctor comes in with photos of his intestines and says, Yes, he has Crohn's disease. I'm sending off the biopsies to confirm. But yes, he has Crohn's disease. And I was just like, Is he going to die? No, he's not going to die. So I looked back at my text messages from that time and I saw that I wrote my mom and Brad. He has Crohn's disease, but he's not going to die. Like, that's where my head was at at that point. Luckily, Hudson is good. He takes weekly injections of HUMIRA to manage his disease. just for the listeners that don't know, Crohn's disease is a chronic autoimmune disease, Correct? And that's like that's a big deal. Like it's not just like something that someone has constipation or diarrhea or stomach pains. It's like a whole thing. It affects your whole body and it's an immune system thing. So it's not something that's just like, yeah, it's a disease. And to get it at age what he was five at the time is very rare to see. So he's doing fine. You said he's taking injections. I'm glad to hear that. But still you're still, you're a medical mom now, Like you're not just a regular mom anymore. You're you have to be the fun and gentle and all these things. But then on top of that, you have to take care of your kids medically in the home and outside of the home. And you're also their caregiver, not just as a mom, but medically. And then on top of that, you're now paranoid ass like every little scrape and bump and bruise and complain. You're going to hyper investigate as any mom would like. And you're not crazy for that. You're not overthinking. Like, that's I would do the same. I'm thinking, like, should I go? You no sleep. So for the mom that are thinking, like, should I go check my kids lymph nodes? I know. And I know you're not a professional, and neither am I. So this is just like a conversation. I don't want the listeners to like, assume that we're giving you medical advice. What are the statistics on this type of cancer and childhood cancer? And like, what should parents be aware of? So, number one, always trust your gut. That's my number one piece of advice. As far as symptoms, swollen lymph nodes for no reason. If your child has been sick and has swollen lymph nodes, I wouldn't be worried. There's a reason for it. So I would watch out for that. Are they complaining of leg pain? Are they sleeping more? Do they have little red, tiny dots? That's called the TKI that can be a symptom. my non-medical advice is I would get bloodwork for my kids annually. I don't really know why they don't do that now because it's just good to have a baseline and you can find out so much from the bloodwork. So I feel like, I don't know, that would make a difference. Headaches, I mean, anything, anything weird that's continuing on. But it also I've heard of people, their kid has a stomach ache and they go and they find out there's like a a tumor in their stomach. It's just I don't know, that's crazy. It's just not. back to the whole mom and caregiver thing. How do you shift between the roles and how do you, like set a boundary between I'm a mom or I'm a mom nurse, essentially. And how do you switch between the two? I don't think that I do. I think that I'm always that medical mom and my kids are learning especially had said, you know, he's learning so much as like a medical brother, medical kid himself. I would say this has forever changed me. The type of mom that I am. I struggle a lot with feeling bad that the past two and a half years I haven't been able to be the mom I was before. I was joyful, light hearted. I had Fridays off and I would take the kids to the museum. I was very engaged with my kids and ever since this somedays, it's really hard to be that Mom, I'm not light hearted anymore, so I'm working on that, working on mental health. Obviously, all throughout this, seeing a therapist. But now that treatment is over, I feel like everything's rushing to me, which is very common. My therapist said It's like a just mental disorder. That's because of everything that's happened. And my fight or flight is not as high as it was. That's what was getting me through it. And now that it's calm, I'm feeling like all the feelings. So I'm glad to hear that you're in therapy. And you did mention that a little bit in your email. Can you tell me a little bit about when and why and how you decided you needed therapy? And I'm glad to hear it's help. It sounds like it's helping and you're feeling the feelings. And that's the hardest part. And as someone who was in therapy for two and a half years, feeling the feelings is something that we are not good at doing, sitting with the feelings because it's hard. We're not taught to do that. So tell me about the process of when you were like, I need therapy, I need help. Yeah. So I've seen a therapist on and off since having kids just because I have had anxiety. And with this, my anxiety just blew up. And then for the first time, I was experiencing depression, which I never had. Or my mom would say that she could see it on my face. So I started seeing I started seeing a therapist that specialized in working with parents of kids with like an illness. So it was a really great fit. And we did some EMDR. Ah, which was really helpful. I did switch up my medications, which helped my husband started going to therapy more. Yeah, trying to use all the tools to just continue to be a good mom and keep my house happy for my kids. Right? That's what I've always wanted. I didn't grow up in a very happy household. There was a lot of trauma, so my goal was always to kind of break that cycle and give my kids the tools they need to cope so that they don't have anxiety down the road, right? Like they know how to process their feelings. I just want to point out through everything how in-tune you have been with not only your kids, but yourself and your husband and like you're giving your family such a gift. I know it might not feel like that you're that joyful mom anymore. And I'm sure there's little moments of joy, right? Little glimmers. And when we're going through something hard, it's it can be really hard to find that joy. But the advocating you've done for your family and yourself, especially with your mental health, is so important because without your healthy mental health, the kids would suffer. Right. So, yes, you might not feel like you're this joyful, fun mom right now, but what kind of mom would you be if you didn't get help yourself? You'd be way in worse off, right? Yeah. And I think that's one thing someone told me I shared the other day on social media, how I felt like such a shitty mom when I yell and I yell every day, like some people say, yeah, sometimes I yell every day and I feel like a piece of garbage. and I was sharing about that on social media and how I just I pray and wish that my kids can see and feel how hard I try. Like I don't want to be this version of me. And someone messaged me and said, they will know. And they do feel that you're working really hard and that you're doing your best with what you have. Because I share often on my social media and I don't know if you've seen this, but I talk about it on the podcast too. My childhood was not easy. And yes, I share a lot about how I was parented and people ask me all the time, isn't that isn't that kind of crappy of you to share that about how you were parenthood Because isn't that mean to your mom? I'm like, No, because I don't see my mom in a negative light. Like, there's a lot of things that my mom did inside that left me with trauma. And I still know she tried hard. I know she did best with what she could. And I think that really put that message, really put it in perspective for me. Like, as long as we're trying and showing up and putting that effort in and then recovering with our kids, like, say, like you sat down with your kids and say the last two years have been so sucky for our family. It sucks. It sucks to have to go to the hospital, sucks to be sick, and Mommy was not a good mommy sometimes because of it. But please know that I'm working really hard and I'm sorry. And that's the best we can do for our kids, right? Like pointed out, point out the hard things and talk about how we're trying to do better. So yeah, long winded there, but I just wanted to put in perspective how you might not feel like life is joyful for you right now, but the life you've created because of everything you've given your kids is so much more powerful and has so much more meaning, and you're going to get back to a different kind of joy, you know? Exactly. Yeah, I agree with all that. I don't see my mom in a negative light either. Like, I just. You love your mom and every mom wants to do their best. And if I look back at my Instagram, I see all the things that I did do during treatment, you know, like setting up fun activities. So I still was that mom in my own new way. But I think it's just moms in general. We're just so hard on ourselves and yeah, and then you add cancer and Crohn's disease. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's how do you how are you not going to be hard on yourself And you talk about your supports this some texting your mom it sounds like your mom you're close. Yeah how was the support system through all of this and how is it still with your family? Like are you able to delegate? Are you able to ask for help? Do you feel like you have what you need to get through the days for yourself? When you're in cancer treatment, a lot of times you have a compromised immune system. So there is this whole other part of treatment that is hard because you have to be so isolated. So we really only saw my mom because she was the only one that didn't see anybody else except us. So she was our main support system. I do feel like I was supported a lot in the beginning because it's shocking. But with a two and a half year plan, people get used to it. They're used to it. I don't think people really realize just how isolating it was. The people that helped me the most were other cancer moms, because they get it. It's this unspoken bond. Yeah, And it's hard. Still to this day, something I struggle with is trying to not resolve people because of how they acted, because I think, well, I would never do that if this were so-and-so, I would I would do whatever I needed to do to isolate in order to be there for my family. That's who I am. I know that. So it's hard when other people didn't do that to now heal that relationship, repair it back. And just a side note, this is all happening during COVID like, yes, the very start of COVID. So you're like, already isolated. Yes. Yes. And I yes. Yeah. So and I understood. Yeah, I understand. People can't fully isolate. It was just it just complicated things. That's what I'll say. So moving forward, if you could write a letter or say something to the people in your life who you wish would have showed up differently or showed up at all and in what way? And then also for the listeners who have who know cancer families, who know childhood cancer, families like I know a couple, I'm not super close with them. They're just like super distant acquaintances from high school, Right. And as someone who's from the outside looking in, I'm like I'll, I'll buy the shirt, I'll do whatever, I'll come to the fundraiser like I'll, I'll go to the fundraiser, I'll do whatever I can. But what, what are simple things that people can do for you or for a cancer family that makes you feel less alone and not just in the beginning because everybody will make a meal for you for the first month. Right? But like, what about two years? Like two and a half years later, your treatment's done. But what? What would help you feel supported? So I did have some friends that would put in their phone when I was going to have clinic, and then that day they would send me a message like thinking of You hope that cold spinal tap goes, Wow. Yeah. And they would just check in. The appointments were very scary. So when my friends would make an effort to check in, it just made me feel supported and thought of. Because when you're so isolated, it feels like your world is falling apart and everybody else is just going on with theirs. So my advice is to stay in communication. Don't ask, what can I do? Just choose something and do it. Drop off a meal, drop off a card. I have a gift card for food. I love that. Choose something and do it. I had a friend who had a late term miscarriage and I remember texting her and saying, I would like to do this for you. Which day works best? Like instead of like saying, What can I do? Can I make you a meal? Like, it's kind of like in a marriage to like when one partner's drowning and the other partners like, Well, what can I do to help? Don't fucking ask me that. I don't know. Because then my brain has to think of all the things that I know exactly and and like, just figure it out. So kind of like that. Like, don't ask, because that's even more exhausting. And it is nine times out of ten. I'm not going to tell you because I'm just going to be like, I'll. I'm fine. I'm fine. Yeah, that's how I always was. We're good. We're in treatment. But yeah, I'm doing great, but I'm not. Yeah, I'm drowning here. But then flower like, I mean, simple things. Like I think what's powerful or is sad is the text messages you got like simple things like check in with the people. Even if I mean, this goes for everyone. Non cancer families too. Like if you haven't heard from a friend in a long time, you don't know what they're going through. Like, yeah, their social media might look cute and pretty, but check in with your friends, check in with the people that you care about. So it's a very important takeaway. It's a good reminder for me too, because during it all, I haven't been the best friend either. So yeah, just trying to repair it all and get back to my new normal. Yes, I love it. You're doing really amazing work, Brittany, and I feel so proud to have had this conversation with you because you are. You seem so you're humbling. You're very humbling in the motherhood community. And thank you for sharing your story with us and thank you for speaking up about this and takeaways for me. Trust your mom gut as we all know and create small joys and all the scary things that are happening. Right? And you can't expect life to go back to how it was and take care of your mental health. That's all we love here on Moment on this podcast. So with all that said, Brittany, where can we find you? So I am on Instagram and it's at Brit Magnus underscore. Okay. And if anyone wants to chat with you further about any of the stuff that we talked about today, I'll let them know that they can message you and follow along with your story. And then I will also link everything below. Sounds great. Thank you so much, Brittany. Thank you. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure you leave a review. Those are super important for me. Subscribe if you love the podcast and come back next week.