for episode 100? I wrote down a bunch of different questions that you guys asked me on different occasions. But specifically recently, when I asked you to ask me anything you want, and I broke it down by category. We have a self care, mental health relationship and parenting. Basically what my podcast is about, I love that you guys are sticking to the theme. You're asking me all the right questions. Can you believe that this is the top? I saw that. The top question. We're not going to spoil it. Intimate. Very personal. Very personal. You guys In honor of this being episode 100, I did want to have Tom read our review. Reviews are so important for podcasts because it pumps my podcast out. It shows me to more people. It allows other people to find me and to listen to this really important information we're putting out on Vamonos podcast. So thank you for those who leave me reviews. And if you haven't yet, I would love it if you did so. I'm going to have Tom read this really sweet review that came in on November 14 from May. The review was entitled A Must Listen. The best thing about this podcast is the wide range of topics, and Nina covers and the amazing and knowledgeable guests she has on like yours truly, the winning engages with the guests and ask questions. She knows all of us are thinking is awesome. Also, it's great that the episodes are not too long and are easy to get through. Ten out of ten would recommend this podcast. Thank you so much. I love you. Just. All right. So we dive in. Tom has a questions on his phone. Do he's going to kind of jump around and we'll go from there. The moderator we're just wrapping up the holidays here and store with this one. How do you set boundaries with in-laws? This is something I've gotten really good at setting boundaries with everyone in my life, In-laws specifically, that can be really tough for a lot of people because you have each other's parents, who we love and want them as part of our life. But then we also want to have our own family, our own traditions, our own life, our own rules. So I get why that can be really hard for people. But I do believe that if you set boundaries lovingly and firmly, it's healthier for the family in general. A lot of times the receiver of the boundary may not like it and they may just take it personal. I've been there. I've been the one that takes boundaries, personal. The boundaries are here to protect us. So for me personally, for in-laws boundaries, Tom and I have come a long way. I ask him to communicate with his mom about anything that needs to be done because it's just too stressful for me. And I feel like my expectations are just so different because my mom is so different and they're not bad different from each other. They're both freaking incredible, but it's so different and so and I don't want to, like, hurt her, upset her. So whenever there's, like, anything that I need to communicate it or that I'm sorry, let me rephrase that. When there's ever anything needs to be communicated about, like our schedules, our plans, our kids, Tom handles that occasionally. I will, too. But it's I feel like it's pretty healthy. What do you think? Yeah, I think we both like are more than able to communicate with each other's parents and whatever about it, but it's just seems to have worked out easier for us, especially that when something needs to be said or done with your mom, you handle something needs to be said. My mom, I handle it because we just know how to communicate in a way that is best for them to not take it personally or anything or no negatives about it. Just, Hey, this is how it is. If you have an input. Cool, great. We'll try, but we're going to do what's best for us. Yeah. I also think it's really important to have a discussion prior to, especially when you're first getting married like or even just dating. It's important to have a discussion about what the boundaries are like. We defend and protect each other and we also love and want to protect our families. But at time of the day, like we are married to each other and we're a team, so we have to be on the same page about things before we bring them to our in-laws or anyone else really in our life. And if you're not on the same page with your partner, then the boundary thing is going to be a lot harder. Well-said. Let's go a little lighter. Do you ever lose your shit as a parent? Every day. Every day. Do you? I don't even know where my shit is. I lost it years ago. Every day I lose my shit. Some days there are occasional days where I don't. But basically when your cup is not full to the rim, which is not soup, like it's not common to have a very full cup every single day when your cup is not full to the rim and you're not taking care of yourself. The weather isn't perfect, the noises aren't low, the dishes aren't done. When there are so many outside factors playing into your parenting, it's hard not to lose your shit and and losing your shit might be a whole different definition to different people. Spectrum of shit losing. There's different spectrums of shit losing. There can be like frustration where you just like grunt or yell or there can be like screaming at your kids or your partner. They could be throwing their I mean, there could be all different types of levels of losing your shit. And every day there's different levels that I lose my shit on. Same with you also feel like we need to step back and let people know that the cup you're referring to is the good cup that you want for the cup of like shit. So yes, I do lose my shirt. The biggest thing that I've learned is when I do lose my shirt, I have to follow up or follow through with an apology or an explanation. And I need to, like, really think about what is triggering me so bad. My hungry. Am I tired? What? Like what's going on? It's super important to check in with yourself and see where in the cup Are we empty? How empty is our cup? What do we need to do to fill it? And it's okay to lose your shit and also keep an eye on the other cup. That's the one that gets filled with shit. I feel like you really complicated. There's two cups, good cup and a couple. There's one cup. It's either two cups, good things or empty. That's the good cup. I feel like you're complicating. There's not. Doesn't need to be two cups. I want two cups. Well, you can have two cups. I want one cup. That's all I need. Two cups. What makes you jealous of other people? my God. I feel like that's such a loaded question. I think everyone gets jealous. I think some people are way better and like, in their healing journey as far as that stuff goes. But envy and jealousy is is something that's unhealed inside of us, right? It's something that you feel even their life is better and you want to be. That won't makes me jealous usually. And this is like so toxic because of all people. I know this. isn't true. Usually what makes me jealous is when I see influencers on social media and their kids are like dressed in matching and behaving and smiling and laughing and they're having this cute, like family time and everything is so like flowy in a static. And I'm like, Fuck, I can't even get my kids to match their damn socks. One kid's wearing her brother's underwear. She's already on her seventh pair of pants. Today. Her brother is wearing a shirt that's too small because he's in love with that shirt. My five year old insists on having his shoes on the wrong feet. Family dinners. There's yelling and shouting like yelling, like excited, yelling. Sometimes there's yelling like, sit down and eat your food, yelling. I mean, there's all kinds of shit losing happening in my family. I mean, we have our amazing family moments, but yes, that's what makes me jealous. Although I know that is not true. Like I know that those families have their shit losing days too. But I'm like, Damn dude, I wish my kids would smile for a picture just one time. It's way deeper. And I thought, you're going to. I thought you were going to say something about like, a well organized, clean house. well, yeah, that makes me very jealous, people. Okay. A lot of things make me jealous. I'm realizing people who organize their house and keep it organized and have, like, clean kitchens and nothing on their kitchen counters. 1,000% jealous of you. 1,000% not ashamed to admit it. How do you and Tom break up house duties? man, I feel like we do things as we go. We have a list of things that we like to have done daily, like vacuuming dishes, picking up, generally picking up, and then we just kind of both do it. I personally don't like how anyone else cleans my house other than me, but I've learned to just like, not say anything because effort is effort in, I can't complain. I don't know. I feel like we kind of have unspoken. It's like stuff that's been. Yeah, like unspoken. Like, I've obviously spoken at one point, like, like you mow the lawn and like, he takes care of a lot of the outside stuff. He takes care of a lot of things like the kitchen. I feel like a super equal. I do more of the like I clean the bathrooms. You will if I ask you to, But Tom's not the one that's going to be like, I'm going to go clean the bathroom. I I'm more likely to to clean the bathrooms and pick the kids rooms up, but I feel like we're both very equal in what we do. I don't think there's ever there's never an argument of like, I'm doing more than you. Sometimes it feels like I think both ways. Sometimes it feels like one or the other is pulling more weight. But like if we actually broke it down, I feel like everything is super equal. I know that doesn't help because we didn't give you like our exact formula. However, we have written down the things that we like to have done and then we just kind of like, know, like bed sheets need to be changed. I already was thinking about that today. I already laid out clean ones, but I don't think you think about that, you know. No, generally. But like we have or certain things like you would rather load the dishwasher than unloaded. And I would much rather unload it because I hate touching in dealing with the leftover food and all that. Disgusting this and again, that's just something like unspoken here. The dishes need to get done. Well, I check if it's empty or not and removeable do either or too. I did get this game that that was written by a therapist. We're like, helps you, like, see the load of each other. So I'm curious to do that because I feel like he carries a load in a lot of areas and then I like he'll go get my car cleaned, he'll clean my car, fill my gas tank, he does things like that that I don't often think about and then vice versa. So I don't know. I guess my suggestion is make a list of everything and then divide it or like talk about what's important to you and what you would like to do or vice versa. And then like Tom didn't like this, but I liked doing the notes where you can like check off what you did every day and then you can see, like if it's shared with your partner, you can see, he's checking off this. And then it kind of makes you think like, I'm going to go do this. So I don't know. I feel like that's a good tip. Are you still in contact with your half siblings? I am. I have a half sister and a half brother. They're in their middle to late twenties. My half sister has two kids. My half brother has a girlfriend. They live in Arizona and yeah, I am. We don't talk super often, but yes, we are still in touch. somebody wants to know what was postpartum depression like for you? man, I think I have. I don't know if I have episodes on this specific topic. I believe I do if I do only come down below. But postpartum depression for me presented very different than what you would think. You would think like sadness. And I love my baby, that kind of stuff. But there I learned that there are so many different forms of postpartum mood disorder. So I was diagnosed with postpartum mood disorder with like anxiety and rage, which all fall under this postpartum depression umbrella. So depression doesn't have to be necessarily just sadness. It can also be rage. So I had a lot of rage. I had intrusive thoughts. I had feelings of like intense anxiety and chest pain. My anxiety wasn't necessarily what my baby or my kids. It was just more like always feeling on edge about everything. And my rage was towards my toddler. Like I. I could hear every noise, everything he did, everything. It just felt so overwhelming to me. And I felt like I just wanted to, like, throw him. And that was really scary to me because I would never want to hurt my kids and nobody would. And that was, yeah, that was really scary for me. And it lasted. I mean, I was on medication for a year and year and a half, and I was in therapy for two, almost two and a half years. I would say after about a year and a half is when I started feeling a little bit more normal. The rage and the intrusive thoughts got a lot easier right when I started the medications, like within a couple of months. then on top of that is how did you know you needed therapy and how did you go about it? I knew right away that I needed help because I didn't want to feel like I wanted to hurt my kid. I was scary to me to have those thoughts and visions. And They intrusive thoughts were really scary for me. Like I would literally envision myself, like, pushing my kid. And it scared me and everything was overwhelming to me. So I at my six week appointment, I talked to my practitioner her delivered my baby and I was like, you know, that questionnaire they gave you? I was filling it out. And like all the questions were like, so bad, like all my answers were so bad. And the girl who, like, did my vitals attack that in my vitals was like, Are you okay even with your child, lady? No, no, no. It wasn't like, bad. But she was like, I think she just wasn't, like, expecting Pharrell. How common it is for women to really admit I don't feel like coming for anybody to answer those things that truthfully. And then the people that do ask normally it's probably a Hey, I know I said some things on that form, like everything is okay, but it might not be. But for someone to be like, flat out like and to them honestly is probably more on the rare side. Yeah, I could tell she was like, shit. Okay, here we go. And I mean, the questions are like, I don't even remember what they are. But obviously it never felt like I wanted to kill myself or my kids. I just felt like I like when I was overwhelmed, I felt like I just wanted to, like, push specifically my one kid away from me. So she got the practitioner and she came in and she she was like, How are you doing? And I was like, I'm not okay. Like I instantly told her, I'm like, I'm not okay. Things are not okay. I'm scared. Like, I've never felt like this before and I already have anxiety to begin with. And this was just like, way different. And she was like, Okay, let's skip your exam. We can do it another time. Let's let's figure it out. So she recommended I go on Lexapro. So I went on Lexapro and then she also gave me a card to a therapist that she recommended. And I don't know, I'm assuming my therapist, like, goes around and hands her cards. I don't know. I don't know how she got my therapist card, how those resources all came full circle. But my therapist specifically specialized in like postpartum and like women with baby loss and all kinds of stuff. So I called her right away and got on with her right away. And for me it was more so like I was scared. I was so scared that like I would do something to my kids, Like I didn't I didn't have the intent, but I was being a nurse. And I think that's what like I think that's what really helped me. I work in an and like I see people come in who go from like living their life with like mental illness on medications, like coasting and then like bam, it just can happen. Like things can just go left, right, left, right, left, right. Take a turn for the worse or take a turn for the worse. But I've seen it happen in real life. And I was like, I'm not going to like, just push this aside. I'm so scared because I also know about postpartum psychosis. I wasn't in psychosis, but like in it's not very common. But I was like, what if, like, if I don't do something, what if I don't deal with this now? Like, what if I go into psychosis and, like, do something crazy? So I knew for me that I needed to get help. This is when I feel like you and I together and you separate events of this a couple times. But the popular question, how do you get your partner on board with a parenting style? Yeah, this is a really important question. And if you're listening and you're early on, like you don't have kids, you can't talk about it right away because you're going to have kids and you're going to be tired and exhausted and cranky, and it's going to be really hard to figure it out at that time.