LIGHT: How light impacts our emotions & our lives

Chrissy opens today’s episode with a loving kindness meditation, then shares the definition of the word LIGHT, and invites us to consider the question: what does the concept of light mean to you?

Liz Kinchen, author of Light in Bandaged Places: Healing in the Wake of Young Betrayal, also joins the conversation. Together, Chrissy and Liz discuss meditation, Buddhism, and the healing power of their writing practices.

Then Chrissy shares this week’s book recommendation, How the Light Gets In: Writing As A Spiritual Practice by Pat Schneider.

And in the end, Chrissy encourages you to ask yourself:

• What does the concept of light mean to you?
• Do you believe that light has healing properties? Why or why not?
• How does light impact your mood or emotions?

☀️ My memoir, Finding Sunlight, is here! Learn more & order your copy today

Transcript

[0:00] Music.

[0:10] Hi, welcome to Stirred by Words, a podcast that uses the power of words to unlock your writing and wellness practices. I'm your host, Chrissy Holm, writer, editor, and wellness advocate.
This show is about my love for words, writing, and wellness, and I'm passionate about learning from others. Grateful to have you join us.
Today's meditation is inspired by this week's word, light.
This week, we're going to practice a loving kindness meditation.
To begin, sit in a comfortable spot and take a few deep breaths, allowing yourself to get into the present moment.

[0:51] Music.

[2:19] Hold them in your thoughts, and imagine that same light from before expanding to them, filling them with warmth and love.
Repeat at a slow whisper, or think to yourself, May you be filled with loving-kindness.

[2:36] Music.

[2:59] As you continue breathing, imagine other loved ones, friends, coworkers, family.

[3:08] Music.

[3:38] With loving-kindness. May you all be well in body and mind. May you all be at ease.

[3:45] Music.

[3:53] Bring it back to your breathing and reflect on the light and kindness you spread to the world and to your loved ones. Take another deep breath and return to your day with a feeling of radiance, kindness, and love.

[4:12] Now it's time for today's word, light. Merriam Webster has several definitions for the word light. It's a noun, adjective, and verb. Here are a handful. For noun, light means something that makes vision possible, a source of light, a color of notable lightness, a light or pale color, a particular illumination, and public knowledge. As an adjective, light means having light and not intense in color, coloring, or pigmentation. And as a verb, it means to become light, or to ignite something. Here are a few fun facts about the word light.
The first known use of this word is before the 12th century for both noun, adjective, and verb.
There are several idioms and sayings with the word light, such as guiding light or someone who has important influence, give the green light, meaning give permission, and out like a light, meaning fast asleep or unconscious.
According to educationfirst.org, light is on the top thousand most frequently used English words.
Other synonyms for light include bright, luminous, shiny, glow, illumination, and gleam.

[5:30] Today's question is, what does the concept of light mean to you?
So my initial thought to this question was that it was the opposite of dark.
And while yes, that's true, when I started digging a little bit deeper into the different definitions, I realized that it meant more to me.
I think of light being something that really impacts my mood and emotions.
For example, different colors like shades of blue or green can really calm me.
Depending on the situation, bright colors can either give me more energy or exhaust me.
There are moments it makes the room feel brighter and more alive, while sometimes it can lead to overstimulation and increase my anxiety.
Another thing I thought about with light is the different qualities of light.
For example, fluorescent lights or really bright lights can give me a headache and stress, while more soft lights or dim lights can impact my mood by feeling at ease, similar to sunny days versus rainy days. Light also means clarity to me. Whether it's through meditation, reading, writing, walking, conversations, or reflecting, a moment of clarity can shed light on a situation, which allows me to have different ideas or different perspectives on something.

[6:42] Music.

[6:54] Today's guest is Liz Kinchen. Liz is a writer, meditation teacher, and a Buddhist practitioner.
Her life is an interwoven tapestry of writing, healing from abuse, and a spiritual journey.
Her debut memoir, Light in Bandaged Places, portrays the creation of this tapestry from childhood loneliness, young betrayal, and the journey to wholeness.
With graduate degrees in computer science and counseling psychology, she worked in software development management for 21 years before moving into the non-profit sector for 17 years as the executive director of a small organization working with underserved children and families in Honduras.
Her passions are loving her family, meditating, teaching mindfulness, writing, talking with close friends, and walking in nature.
She's a contributing author to the anthology Art in the Time of Unbearable Crisis, published by SheWritesPress in 2022.
Liz lives in the Greater Boston area with her husband of over 30 years, with whom she'd raised three beautiful children, and she happily spends significant time on Sanibel Island, Florida.
Find her at lizkinchen.com slash author and information about her teaching at www.lizkinchen.com.

[8:10] To have her join us today.
Hello Liz, welcome to the show. Hi, thanks for having me. Super excited to speak with you and let's just dive right into the conversation and I'm really excited to learn about your thoughts and dive into the word light for this episode. So not only are you a debut memoir author, you're also a meditation teacher and a Buddhist practitioner and since our word of this episode is light and in many cultures light's kind of associated with like enlightenment or spiritual awakening. But what does light symbolize to you personally and is it like a phenomenon, a symbol of hope, something entirely different? Over to you.
Yeah, you know, light has actually been a really big word presence concept, you know, in my life really for a long, long time. And I guess for me it really, well, you know, of course it is a physical phenomenon, right? Physics tells us all that. For me it's a symbol of clarity, wisdom.

[9:16] Guidance, and um you know even divinity. A sense of goodness, inherent goodness. That's what light, means to me. Yeah that definitely makes sense. Would you say like when you think of that that goodness piece is it inherent in everyone or like kind of elaborate a little bit more on that?
Yeah, you know, I guess that's a question, uh, different people have different views on but I have the view that there is inherent goodness in every single person.
And it may be harder to see it in some people, but I, I, I truly do believe that it's there.
Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. And then when we kind of think about just your experience, your debut memoir is called Light and Vantage Places. And first of all, I love the title. And so just tell us a little bit more about kind of what that title means. And then we'll move forward from there.

[10:13] Yeah. So, you know, like with many books, it actually had many different titles, you, know, over time while I was writing it. But I landed on this one for a couple of reasons.
One is that, are you familiar with the Rumi, the poet Rumi has a quote that has always meant a lot to me.
Yes, I do know. Yeah. So he says, don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.
Yeah, really very powerful in just a few words there. So I love that quote.
It means a lot to me. It means a lot to my story, my journey, my life.
And then I also was very intrigued by the Japanese art called Kintsugi.
It's actually becoming a little bit popular now. I hear it in a bunch of different places, even on TV shows sometimes.
But actually, it's an ancient Japanese art where they mend broken pottery.
They put the pieces back together and they hold them together by gluing gold around the cracks that were there.
And they restore the pottery, but they go beyond just restoring it.
It actually becomes more beautiful because of the gold.
So they intentionally use gold to highlight. has been broken and it's mended and it's even more beautiful and resilient because of that.

[11:42] Yeah, wow, that's powerful. Yeah, so I kind of put the two things together, the Rooney quote and this art of Kintsugi and my cover design actually reflects Kintsugi a bit.
That's great. Have you ever like done Kintsugi or like played around with it?
Yeah, I have not, but I would love to. Yeah I'm sure there's definitely some like patience and probably a lot of other qualities that go behind doing that. Yeah yeah I bet it can be a meditative kind of practice too. Yeah I can imagine so and kind of you know speaking on that meditation and your meditation teacher as well how has meditation really contributed to your healing which I know we'll talk about what healing you've done but let's just start there like how has meditation hopped? Yeah, so meditation has been with me ever since college. It was a long time ago now. So I've been a meditator for well over 40 years on and off and in a variety of different styles, you know, over all those years. But it's been a theme and a thread throughout and it's meant different things to me over the different years. Today I really focus on the meditation practices inspired by Buddhism. Mindfulness is a big one.

[13:08] It's been a constant resource throughout my life, meditation, and it's really, you know, a lot of people, and I too, often will, you know, call upon meditation as a way to calm, you know, ourselves and so forth. But mindfulness meditation for me, you know, goes beyond just calming, but really being fully present, right, developing the ability to just really be present in the moment, every moment of our day, of our lives. And that's been very healing for me. Yeah, just taking it like moment by moment. And yeah, I mean, that's, I don't have words because that's exactly how I feel like in those moments of, I just got to take it in.
Right, take it in, take it all in. I mean, you know, they talk about the 10,000 joys and the 10,000 sorrows, you know, life brings it all to us, right? And to live fully, you know, it's good to develop the capacity to be with it all. Absolutely. Yeah. And based on your memoir, you've been through a lot of different experiences and even dissect your experience with sexual abuse, you know, a difficult topic for many, but how do you think that like we can collectively work together towards shedding a light on that issue and bringing it kind of out of that darkness.

[14:33] Yeah, shedding a light on the issue is I think hugely important and it's actually really the, reason I wanted to publish my book. I didn't start out writing with publishing as an intention, that evolved really kind of gradually over the years. But once I realized that I have a story, you know, of being harmed, living through the impact of that, you know, for many, many years of my life and my struggles with relationships and my struggles with my own self-worth, and then coming through a healing process, I thought that might be something that could be helpful to other people. And so that's what made me want to put it in the world.
Because I want to shine a light on this, that it is harmful, right? And I mean, it's really a twofold thing. It is harmful, and people are capable of healing, of moving along a healing process. So.

[15:36] Yeah, I think raising awareness is really critical. And in doing that, we can start to change the culture. You know, for so long, for too long, we've had this culture of, ooh, that's messy. We don't want to talk about sexual abuse, you know, so we look the other way, or, you know, there's this really harmful tendency for institutions to cover up, right, to protect doctors and to protect professors and teachers and coaches and that kind of a thing. So I think the more we can raise awareness about this, we can begin to change the culture and make it less tolerated than it has been. And, you know, it's inching along, you know, it's getting a little bit better. The Me Too movement, I think, has really helped bring this out into the, into people's awareness much more. I think also part of changing the culture is to be more comfortable talking about it. And that means be more comfortable talking about it with our kids, So for so many people and generations talking about sex in any way was kind of taboo, difficult for people to want to do.
But I think if we can talk with our kids about, hey, here's something to look out for.

[16:55] You know, here's what's healthy in a relationship and here's what's kind of a red flag, you know, like particularly the power dynamic.
You know, if somebody is older in a position of authority over you, like that is a red flag.
You know, that kind of a relationship has inherent issues. And then, you know, there's really just calling it out when we see it.
Right. Yeah, not being afraid to speak up.

[17:24] Exactly. And to know that it actually has consequences, you know, it's, it's one thing to say, oh, that's a, that's bad behavior, you know, like, somebody shouldn't do that to another person. But it doesn't end there. It actually begins there for the person who's been harmed. Right. And that's, you know, partly what my story is about is that, yeah, I struggled for years afterwards with confusion about what love means, and what romantic relationship involves and what it means and what to expect and not to expect and, you know, I was just really confused and confused about myself, you know, like, I didn't have access to all of my emotions because I had to shut a lot of them down, you know, getting hurt, you know, trauma often causes us to, you know, stuff it down.
But it lives in our bodies, it lives in our nervous system, and kind of runs our life, you know, if it remains there unprocessed.

[18:26] Yeah, exactly. You got me thinking of just like my experiences too, like, you can feel it, like you can feel it in your body and just, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, it lives there.
Yeah. It lives there and it can be worked with, you know, it can be, what's unprocessed can be processed and that's where the healing comes in.
Exactly. Yeah, that makes sense.
How would you say, like in general, from your perspective, how can society or people support survivors and maybe even prevent future instances of abuse?
Well, I think it can help to remove the stigma that is associated with it.
And again, you know, it's hard to talk about these kinds of subjects culturally.
So I think shifting the culture around it would be helpful to both support people who have experienced this kind of trauma and to help prevent it from happening.
You know, it kind of goes back to what we were saying before about just shining a spotlight on this is really important.
Yeah. And not just saying a little slap on the wrist, for lack of a better word, but like actually holding people accountable.

[19:41] Yeah, hold people accountable and definitely don't punish the person who's been harmed.
You know, don't make them feel bad about themselves. Don't question the role that they played. That's just really harmful.
Yeah, yeah. What was it like to kind of write some of these stories down? I know you said that essentially kind of like doing it for yourself, not with the intention of publishing, but what was that process from kind of the beginning to where you are now?
Yeah, so I began to write about what happened with me with my teacher in middle school because I had gone into therapy and my therapist suggested it can be helpful to recall memories that had been kind of walled off.
So I did that. I just started to write and I've always enjoyed writing.
I've been a writer informally for a long, long time and I found that I really enjoyed that process and so I just kept on writing.
Yes, it was very useful and helpful in helping me remember things. And then I just, well, then this next thing happened in my life, and then this took place, and I just kept writing. And over time, before I knew it, I had this whole arc. I had the actual narrative arc. And I thought, oh, okay, maybe I could turn this into a memoir. Didn't start out as a memoir, didn't have that structure and all the things that a memoir calls for.

[21:10] Also, I started to read memoirs, and I read craft books on memoirs, and I took classes, and I just, you know, got completely immersed in what it means and looks like to write a memoir.
And I hired a developmental editor who helped me take way too many words and kind of find, you know, what really mattered in the story and leave a lot of things out.
So, yeah, then I thought, okay, maybe I've got something, shape it up, edit it to death, you know, and then see if anybody could be interested in publishing it.

[21:46] Yeah, it's a fun journey. Like it's fun and probably that's not the only word to describe it.
Maybe how have you kind of overcome some of that fear of being vulnerable and sharing this part of your story? Yeah, that is a really great question. So when I first thought maybe I'll try to make, this an actual memoir and publish it, put it in the world, it really was something that came from inside me. You know, it's hard to describe this, but it was almost like I felt compelled. I felt, drawn by something inside me that made me just keep going along that path.

[22:31] That made me learn everything I could learn about it, that made me stick with, constant editing process. I actually loved having people edit my manuscript because it just made it better. So I really enjoyed that process. And I didn't think a lot about how scary it would be, at first, but the closer I got to, okay, a publisher has accepted this now. So this is real, you know, this is going to happen. And then I began to think about how terrifying it is to be this open. And by nature, I'm a really kind of shy, introverted person. And so I did not look, forward to the idea of being seen, especially by people who already know me.

[23:26] You know, people in communities that I'm a part of who, you know, have known me a while and see me a certain way. And that's what scared me the most. Just after that, in terms of scariness was, you know, just general people, people who didn't, I don't know, don't know me. But you know, something happened along the way. And I think it was well into the publishing process, working with a proofreader and working with my publisher and working on the cover design, like, each step along the way that got me closer to this is a real thing. Here it is, this is a real, you know, this is a book, right? And I started to, of course, I had beta readers, I had to show it to all of my family members and other people who are in it. And so, that process of sharing it with, those people and in some cases, getting permission from some people who are in it to have them in it the way I, they needed to be comfortable with how they were portrayed. So through that process, it kind of eased me a bit into not being so scared, you know, it was kind of like, step by step, you know, each person made it a little bit easier. And now that it's out there, and I'm doing things like this, you know, talking with you and your listeners about it and and speaking at bookstores and so forth.
It's like, I feel energized by it.

[24:55] In a way, like I used to refer to it as, you know, giving birth to this book, you know, it's like my baby, you know, and I'm very fond, I'm very fond of it at this point, because it's been such a big part of me for so long. And I think because the story matters to me, you know, the message matters to me a lot. I just feel like I'm in alignment of some kind of of an alignment with a purpose. And that makes me not terrified anymore.
Wow. Yeah, that's powerful to kind of keep almost like a light was guiding you the whole way out of not necessarily darkness, but like now you're like shedding your purpose. You're showing the world not only your story, but like how others can kind of overcome similar challenges. Yeah, and I think you're right. I think that lights something up in me to do that.

[25:51] That's wonderful. And how kind of playing off of what we were talking about earlier with the meditation and even what we're talking about right now, how has your practice of Buddhism really helped you to find meaning and purpose in life? Well, Buddhism has really helped me find healing. There are many components of what actually contributed to my healing process.
Studying and practicing Buddhism is one of them, so there are some elements of it that were really important for me and are important for me. One of them is that Buddhism is a psychology, a philosophy, a system, a set of teachings that is by its nature quite invitational. It's not dogmatic.
It has a lot of lists of things, it has a lot of material, a lot of teachings in it.
But the Buddha was really clear that, you know, this is for you to try out.
This is for you to take these ideas and it's all about your own direct experience with them.

[26:51] Right? And so I like that. That was very helpful to me because I have had some past experiences with some organized religion where it was highly dogmatic. And so I resonated well with the invitational nature of Buddhism. And it emphasizes compassion, compassion for other people and compassion for ourselves and self-compassion is a really big element in healing, healing from trauma in particular. And then the other thing that Buddhism is really at the heart of the teaching is that we don't need to be afraid of turning toward what's difficult, right? Like I said earlier, you know, Buddhism talks about the 10,000 joys and the 10,000 sorrows and that life brings this whole spectrum of experience to us. And some of it is not positive, right? And it's sort of why do we have this tendency to think that life should only be good, right? Or will only be good, because it's not realistic. But that to turn towards things that are difficult, hold them with some compassion, learn what you can learn. I mean, there's just a tremendous amount that we can learn about ourselves and about life and the world. And it ultimately.

[28:16] Invites us to establish a healthier relationship with.

[28:23] All of the events and circumstances of our lives, the good ones and the not so good ones.

[28:29] So that too is part of a healing process is to not turn away, but to really work with the wounds and you know, the things that feel difficult and are difficult. So it's not just about, oh, you know, it's all about suffering, it's all about, oh, we have to like, go in the muck and live there. Actually, it's quite the opposite. You know, we turn towards the muck so that we can come out the other end, right?
And into light. Exactly. Oh, beautifully said. Yeah and I think that kinda leads us to the last little bit of this episode is where I ask each of my guests to share a piece of reflection related to your word and of course, ours is light for this episode. So, Liz has an excerpt from her book that uh light and bandage places that we will listen to. And if Liz, you want to just kind of give us a little lead up to what part we're at, and feel free to read it over to you, Liz.
Okay. Yeah, this is some reflection and towards the end of the book. It's about the gifts of Buddhism. And it's a bit of what I was just describing, but goes into it a little bit more kind of shows how I went from carrying the wounds that I carried to healing. So I'll just read a short piece from there, if that's okay. Sounds great.

[29:53] As Buddhist practice and meditation became my anchor, I began to be more connected to myself, more embodied. I became more aware in real time of what I was experiencing. I developed the broader field of vision, reminding myself I am more than a specific thought, emotion, or belief.

[30:17] I understood that life has uncertainty and life worked better when I didn't resist change.
When life brought something difficult, I knew I could apply that non-intuitive yet powerful Buddhist principle of leaning into pain rather than pushing it away. Listening, feeling empathy, compassion, and a connection with people all came more easily when I slowed down enough to be in the present moment. I became a better advocate for myself, knowing I deserve to have my opinions, emotions, and preferences and not to erase them before they even have life.

[31:01] I learned there's joy always available, waiting for me to embrace it. Ironically, Buddhist practice also helped me come to terms with Christianity.
Buddhism helped me see past my disappointments in Christianity so I could relax more and see the similarities in these two traditions.
The religion I was born into, Christianity, became more comfortable than in the past, even while I sat in the heart of Buddhist practice.
God's loving presence in every moment became even more accessible and tangible to me. Those days of my sabbatical and all the years of therapy leading up to them were, like emerging from a cryostasis chamber where I had been slumbering in a state of numbness since I was a child. I climbed out and discovered the beauty around me, and I found love in my heart, strength in my body, and peace in my being. I cry for that self of mine whose heart entered that chamber so many years ago. I cry, and I can now hold her in my arms and whisper in her ear, it will be all right. I'm here with you now. Now we are a pair, and I've got your back.

[32:22] Wow. That's beautiful and liberating and on so many levels that I resonate with. Thank you. Yeah, thank you.
Yeah, this has been great, Liz. I mean, thank you so much for your time and your energy today and it's been a pleasure to talk about light, Buddhism, a little bit about meditation and your book Light in Banished Places. Really appreciate it.
Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate the chance to be here and talk with you.

[32:51] Music.

[33:02] Today's book recommendation is How the Light Gets In. Writing as a Spiritual Practice by Pat Schneider.
When I began writing, I opened myself in weight, and when I turned toward an inner spiritual awareness, I opened myself in weight. With that insight, Pat Schneider invites readers to contemplate their lives and deepest questions through writing. In 17 concise thematic chapters that include meditations on topics such as fear, freedom, tradition in writing, and in religions, forgiveness, joy, social justice, and death. How the Light Gets In gracefully guides readers through the artistic and spiritual questions that life offers to everyone.
Praised as a fuselighter by author Julia Cameron and the wisest teacher of writing I know by the celebrated writing guru Peter Elbow, Pat Schneider has lived a life of writing and teaching, passion and compassion. With How the Light Gets In, she delves beyond the typical how-to's of writing to offer an extended rumination on two inner paths and how they can run as one.

[34:05] Schneider's book is distinct from many others in popular spirituality and creative writing genre by virtue of its approach, using one's lived experience, including the experience of writing, as a springboard for expressing the often ineffable events that define everyday life.
Her belief that writing about one's life leads to greater consciousness, satisfaction, and wisdom energizes the book and carries the reader elegantly through difficult topics. As Snyder writes, all of us live in relation to mystery, and becoming conscious of that relationship can be a beginning point for a spiritual practice. Whether we experience mystery in nature, in elastic love, in the eyes of our children, our friends, the animals we love, or in more strange experiences of intuition, synchronicity, or prescience.
Before we wrap up the episode, I encourage you to grab a paper and pen, notebook, or phone to write down your answers to these questions.
What does the concept of light mean to you? Do you believe that light has healing properties?
Why or why not? How does light impact your mood or emotions, such as when the sun is shining or you're in a dark and quiet room?
Feel free to pause the episode and come back to these questions later.

[35:24] If you have any thoughts on this episode, suggestions for a future episode, or if you or someone you know wants to be a guest on the show, contact me via my website at www.chrissyholm.com.
That's C-H-R-I-S-S-Y-H-O-L-M.
Thanks for listening to another episode of Stirred by Words, meditations and conversations about writing and wellness.
This has been your host, Chrissy Holm.
Tune in to future podcast episodes, and until next time, keep learning new words, stay healthy, and stay healthy.

[36:00] Music.