Having More Power While Dating In 2024

When you don’t have power, your love life is stagnant…or non-existent. 

This episode is going to be very important if you desire to create a love life that you are excited about on your own terms.

Interested in joining C2C? Book an Enrollment Call with me HERE to learn more about working with us to help you build a rotation of 2-3 quality men who provide, protect and pursue you for a serious commitment...

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello, love a girl. We are back once again for another episode. It is a bright and sunny day in Dallas. I'm so happy. I somehow I caught some crazy sickness and you probably heard like my voice a little bit on the last, the previous two episodes and I finally got my voice back. It wasn't COVID. I took some tests and it came out negative, but it was. I was on my behind for it was. It was way too long. I thought I was better once I got back from Georgia meeting up with team Tori for when he's graduation. But I got super, super sick after. I thought I got better. But I'm happy to be coming back and doing this podcast. I am happy and I just feel really powerful right now.

Speaker 1: 0:59

And speaking of powerful, this podcast is about you having more power while dating, and this episode is going to be very important to you If you desire to create a love life that you are excited about, that is, on your own terms. If you have a desire to enjoy the dating process no matter the challenges that arise. If you want to put yourself first while dating and not lose yourself in the men and the connections and the relationship. If you desire to calmly and confidently set and express your boundaries without hesitation, really have deep conversations that spark intimacy and trust, and be authentically you while dating and attracting men who honor, support and celebrate who you are. So you're going to need power if you want all of these desires. And you know a lot of us because of this. Like heavily masculinized world and perspectives. We see power as something external to us forcing things to happen, making things happen, trying to be in control of things. As long as we're in control of things, we have the power to make things happen the way we want them to happen, and that's absolutely not true. That's one of the most do I want to call it remedial forms of power. It's like when you don't have power, that's what you resort to force control and the way we tend to exert that kind of remedial power as women when it comes to dating, we might play hard to get. You know what I'm going to act like. I'm hard to get. I'm going to act like I'm not as available. I'm going to act like I'm not really as interested as I want to be, because we want some form of control. You know it's a false sense of power or manipulation. I'm going to say this so that he does that. I'm not going to do this because I want him to do that. Right, I'm going to manipulate him for a romance or manipulate him for money.

Speaker 1: 3:39

I even like people don't even know that like I've heard from women of faith say, hey, I had to, you know, cancel a date. And I'm like okay, so what happened after you canceled the date with this guy? And they're like well, after I canceled the date, we never went on another date. And I said you know, why haven't you gone on another date with this particular person? And I'm like, oh, I didn't hear back from him. And I'm like but you canceled the date. And they're like well, I wanted him to be the one to reach back out.

Speaker 1: 4:17

And again it's like it's a controlled thing, it's a false sense of power of you trying to force things to happen because you need to feel validated, you need to feel loved, or and you don't really get what you want because you don't have any real power or even acting unbothered, right, you don't want a man to know you're excited about him and you're lit up about him. So you act like you don't have these feelings and you play down these feelings and you don't express them. That's how you know you don't have real power, because true power is self mastery, it's personal strength, it's resilience to navigate what's happening in your love life, what's happening with dating, what's happening with men and being committed to your relationship goals, no matter the challenges that come up while dating, no matter how many times you get ghosted, no matter how many times you connect with the man and he's out of alignment with your long term values right. No matter how many assholes you meet, it's power. It's confidence that I can express to you my desires and I can communicate to you my boundaries and I can execute on these boundaries and I can let you know how I feel about you without being concerned. Oh, you're going to think I'm desperate. You're going to think I'm thirsty. I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to make you upset. I want to say certain things so that you don't get mad at me. It's not power.

Speaker 1: 5:58

True power is self control, right, being able to have negative emotions, have emotions of disappointment, have emotions of frustration, without it meaning that you need to stop dating, without making it mean that you have to call it quits. And when you have this true power, when you have this self mastery. You're able to navigate the challenges that come up, the disappointment that comes up, the frustration that comes up, things not going your way, men not approaching you this week, you not having the matches you want on the dating apps, right, men asking for sex, men asking you for to come over their homes. You're able to navigate the way you do in conversations and come up with solutions. You're able to make sound decisions instead of resorting to automatic blocks or resorting to bowing out. You're able to make sound decisions on what you want to do, instead of wondering what you should do or what you shouldn't do. What should I do on the first date? What shouldn't I do? What should I not do? You're able to make sound decisions that are best for you because you have true power and you're not looking for the outside to tell you what you should or should not do.

Speaker 1: 7:34

And then your personal power allows you to have inner peace, no matter what's happening. So, even though things are not going your way romantically in your love life, there's still peace that all things will work out for the good of you. You can do all things through Christ. There is inner peace because you have power, but when you don't have power, you take all these things that you deemed negative happen to mean that you should quit. And when you don't have power, this is when your love life is non-existent or stagnant. Nothing's really happening, it's not making the progress that you would like to see. Or when you don't have power, you need validation from men. It's like I need men to feel avoid in my life. I need men so that I can feel loved. I need men to let me know whether I'm the one being over the top, where I'm being too much or I'm not enough. Like I need men to let me know that I'm enough.

Speaker 1: 8:49

When you don't have power, you have anxiety where you analyze over text messages or you fear that your dates will lose interest and you struggle to enjoy the present moment. You don't have power. You have trouble setting boundaries, so you might tolerate behaviors or tolerate things that you don't like. For example, if you want to go on dates and you're tolerating phone calls men just calling and texting you instead of you requiring phone calls. Or you feel very, very uncomfortable expressing your needs. So you're on a date and a man tells you he wants to split the bill right, and you're all in your head about it. Instead of expressing that. You know, I thought this was a date. I was an impression that we were dating, and if we are dating I'm unavailable to split the bill. But if we're not, you know, if this is just a friendship thing, we could, you know, I'll go ahead and split the bill. You have trouble setting those boundaries for yourself and before I get more into this episode, I'll just share, you know, a little bit about my own quest for power.

Speaker 1: 10:10

So at the beginning of this year no, this 2024, now the beginning of last year, 2023, I was on the phone with my personal coach and many of you know her. She's coach Catherine. She has coached in the C2C container. I've even bought her into the formation container to teach. I will be bringing her back to teach in my containers, but she has been extremely instrumental in my life. I call her my life integrator because she takes all the pieces of my life and my business and helped me streamline them so that they're in alignment with my goals, like integrating everything in my life, all the pieces that I thought were like unrelated to my success, the smallest pieces. She was like yep, that's why you don't have what you want, because this over here and I'm like what this little thing like she integrates everything. But I was on the phone with her and I said this year I want more power. That's absolutely what I want from myself. I want more power in my life. I want more power personally, in my business. I want more power in my speech, my communication. I want more power in my decisions and the choices that I make. I need more power and that's what I want.

Speaker 1: 11:37

The first thing that we did to get there is we needed to comb through. We started to comb through all the places in my life that were obviously out of alignment with my goals. I saw the different areas where I'm like, okay, this is not going to help me reach my personal goals or help me reach my business goals, this is completely out of alignment. This is something that I'm doing in my life currently, or something that is currently popping up in my life, that is out of alignment. We just started combing through those areas. Whether it was finances, whether it was relationships, whether it was even the types of clients I was attracting, all those things were important or the way that I ran my business or the way that I navigated my day-to-day life like what was out of alignment and combed through them. She even helped me see places that I was unaware of that was out of alignment with what I wanted, comb through all those places and then look at the places and notice that these were the same places I was not taking responsibility for. These were things, these were areas that I was avoiding. These were areas in my life my business, my personal finances, my relationships that I was avoiding, that I was ignoring. I realized I was like, wow, I don't have what I want in these areas because I'm ignoring them. I'm avoiding it.

Speaker 1: 13:12

I haven't taken responsibility. I have put this off on other people. I may have either ignored it or put it off on someone else. It may have been putting it off on my husband. It may have been putting it off on a friend. It may have been putting it off until next year, but I was putting it off and I was like, no, I'm gonna take responsibility for this. It's not gonna be easy. I don't wanna look at it myself, I don't wanna deal with it myself, but the more responsibility you take for the things in your life, the more power you have. Most people do not have power because they do not take responsibility. That's just it. You know, when someone is not reaching their goals, there are a lot of places where they're not taking responsibility for it, and so it's like, okay, I can't put this off on other people, I can't blame anyone else, because I was also like, okay, that person was handling that for me. No, no, no, it's my responsibility Ultimately. I don't care if I delegate, it's ultimately my responsibility.

Speaker 1: 14:18

And then I had to have a lot of compassion for myself. A lot of compassion for myself, because I pride myself on being an amazing human being, on being a well accomplished, well educated person who is successful in a lot of areas of my life, and I've done very, very well for myself as a human being, and so also I have good girl conditioning. So it's really easy for me to be like I shouldn't be here in this place in my life. I should be ahead, I should be more ahead of things, or feeling bad because I'm like this shouldn't be happening in my life, I shouldn't have to be going through this. What if I shouldn't be going through it? I wouldn't be going through it. The fact that I was going through it means that I should have been.

Speaker 1: 15:08

I was exactly where I needed to be, and so I had to have a lot of compassion for myself to know that, yes, this peace in your life is messy and it needs to be cleaned up and you're completely fine, exactly where you are. You are not ahead because you are not ready to be ahead here. You have to accept that this is where you are and love yourself where you are, understanding that, as long as you take responsibility for it, you don't have to remain there long. So, yeah, it was really hard and embarrassing, like some of the pieces in my life, in my business. It was embarrassing to look at. It was again. This is probably why I wanted to avoid it, because it was embarrassing. It was. Yeah, it was just something I just didn't want to deal with.

Speaker 1: 16:03

But I told myself I wanted more power. If I'm gonna have more power, I literally have to be here and be with myself and be okay with where I am, be okay with not being where I want to be and being present. Through the whole process and towards the end of the year, like. So I said this at the beginning of the year that I want more power, and we worked on it all year and I had like little mini milestones where I was able to celebrate myself, but it wasn't till the end of last year.

Speaker 1: 16:37

A few weeks ago I'm on the phone with her and she says no, I said. I said I feel so good, I feel so powerful. And she says you do because you are. She said you have done such great work this year. You have showed up for yourself this year. She said you feel strong. She said you feel like you're self assured and extremely confident in who you are. And I was like I am. And it was at that moment where I realized that I had done what I had set out to do earlier that year is to get more power. And, lord, I came in the 2024, now, again 2024 started off a little messy for myself, but I still feel powerful through it all. Now I want more power this year, of course, but I'm excited of what I've created for myself. I'm excited of the things that I've done for myself this year and created for myself and accomplished.

Speaker 1: 17:42

I mean there were times where I was sliding down the walls crying. There were times where life was just messy, business was messy, where I felt like I wanted to quit. I'm like I am done. I'm done with all this, I'm gonna shut down my business. I'm gonna just move to Mexico. I'm just gonna take, I'm just gonna just do my own thing and just hide from the world. That's how I felt sometimes, but I always committed to showing up like no. You've committed to this life and this is the life you actually are going to live, no matter what comes up. This is the business you're gonna run. You are just going to streamline things so that, in alignment, you're gonna take responsibility for them.

Speaker 1: 18:31

And so now, as I speak to you, you are going to need, if you want to create deliciousness in your dating life, if you want to attract higher caliber men, if you want to date quality men who provide, protect and pursue you, you are going to need power on your dating journey. There's no if, ands and buts about it. You can argue with me, you can disregard what I'm saying, you can ignore what I'm saying, but the proof isn't a pudding. The power that you need is something that you are going to have to go for, and in order to have this power, you're gonna have to do. Similar as me is like you're gonna have to self-reflect and comb through all the places in your love life that do not align with your love life goals, your dating goals. You're gonna have to comb through the types of men that you're dating, the types of dates that you're going on.

Speaker 1: 19:33

I have a client just signed up for the 3.0 program. She was enrolled previously and she decided that she wanted to enroll into C2C 3.0. And we had a conversation and the types of men that she was she was going on dates and but the dates she was going on, these men she's a highly accomplished woman doing amazing things in the world and the men that she was dating were takers and they required her to invest in the relationship in places that they were not investing in. They didn't wanna put in the effort, they didn't wanna pay for dates, they didn't want to show up for her mentally, emotionally or financially and she just felt like it was a drain. And I'm like duh. Of course it's a drain. Look at the types of men that you're dating, look at what you're allowing. Does this align with your goals? And she said no. So why are we like there has to be a shift? Right? This is what you're gonna have to do instead. This is what we're gonna have to switch up and do instead. Right, and the amazing thing about her is everything I tell her to do, she gets it done. So I'm excited about working with her this year.

Speaker 1: 20:57

But the types of dates that you're going on or not going on like, comb through that. Comb through the emotional responses to what men do or not do like. If men show up for you a certain way or if they don't Like, what are your emotional responses to it? What are your knee jerk reaction? Look through these responses. Comb through and see if they align with your love life goals. What about the? What about the type of communication that you're having with men? Is it a lot of surface level, boring, fizzling out, or how you even handle rejection? Do these line up with your love life goals and what choices do you continue to make or not to make? One of the things I love to do in in C2C is comb through these things with women. Comb through their choices, comb through how they are, the types of men that they're attracting or the decisions that they're making, and helping them self reflect on number one, on why they're doing it, and two, putting them on the path to doing something different so that they can choose better men and go on better dates and respond differently to men, have different emotional responses.

Speaker 1: 22:16

The next thing you need to do if you want more power in your dating journey, you got to get focused and take responsibility for them, just like I had to do all year long look at all the pieces that I ignored, that I played the blame game with, that I avoided. You're going to have to take responsibility. It's easy to ignore the fact that you haven't been on dates in the last three months. It's easy to avoid facing men, facing the challenges that come with dating them when you bury yourself in work, when you bury yourself in school. It's so easy to do because you don't have to take responsibility for it, but just know you don't have power. You just have to be okay with the fact that you don't have power.

Speaker 1: 23:05

And responsibility is taking the 100% ownership of what you've created or not created or what you've allowed yourself to experience, and so you are 100% responsible for the amount of dates that you go on, the types of men that you connect with, the types of men that you entertain, the quality of interactions and experiences that you've created and allowed, the quality of the feelings that you have, the quality of the relationships you're able to cultivate the overall deliciousness of your dating life you are completely responsible for. If you don't have what you want right now, it's because you have chosen not to be responsible for it. Whether you subconsciously do it or consciously do it, it is your responsibility. And if you want the power to move differently in your love life to create what you desire, you're going to have to take responsibility. There is no way you can have power without responsibility. All the places where you are refusing responsibility, these are all the places where you won't have power. And it is simple as saying I have not gone on any dates in the last four months. I am responsible for why I have not gone on dates in the four months and I accept that. This is where I am right now. That's it. I don't have to be here. If I choose not to, I can take responsibility, or I can choose not to and some of the ways.

Speaker 1: 24:54

We'll have clients coming to C2C and they have not even been aware certain times. They have not been aware that these things have been their responsibility because they've been conditioned to that. Men are supposed to be the ones to make all this stuff happen. The reason why I'm not being approached. The reason why I'm not going on dates and the reason why I do not have a dating life is because men are not approaching me. It's because men are not asking me out and men are not showing up, or the men on the dating apps are trash. So we've been conditioned to believe that men are the ones that are responsible for why we don't have the love life we desire, or the city we live in, or the type of city I live in is not creating the environment to where good quality men are here. It's easy to blame the zip code, the city. It's easy to blame everyone else, and so once our clients take 100% responsibility for what has not been happening, then we can help them take action so that they can change their circumstances right.

Speaker 1: 26:09

Clients will come in and say, well, I don't have time, and then we will help them create the time when they learn how to take responsibility, that they're the ones that have 100% ownership over their time. They are the ones that can choose how they spend their time, and then we help them cultivate a practice to where they're making time, whether they need to cut out some things in their life that they've been doing, whether they have to ask for help, whether they have to even talk to their bosses, talk to their supervisors on their workload and will not be working throughout the day. Right, putting some boundaries around that or cutting out some of the things that they would do for family and friends? Been in over backwards to support friends and they didn't realize beforehand that they could make these choices because they didn't realize they had the power to do so. Right, having the power to ask for promotions and raises.

Speaker 1: 27:16

I had clients that didn't realize they had the power to communicate to men their desires of what they could experience on dates. Many women are just waiting for men to plan dates and take them out and they are just going on these dates all willy-nilly and then they're not having as much fun as they want to have on the dates because they did not exercise their power to create the experiences that they wanted and expressed to men what they would like to experience on the date and what types of dates that they want to have. And after you take responsibility, you don't want to take action on what you want to experience. If you want to go on dates, you got to take action on getting them. If you want to be approached, you got to take action on learning how to do that. If you want men to show up and put effort into you, you have to take action by showing up and putting effort into your love life. If you want men to show up and invest in you, you have to show up and invest in yourself. You have to take action towards what you want to experience in dating and love with men.

Speaker 1: 28:33

As long as you are waiting for things to happen, you are not taking responsibility for them and you will not have power to do it. So think about all the areas that you have not taken responsibility for. Think about the places where you are ready to take responsibility for and think about the actions that you can take today, tomorrow, this week. And if you do not know how to take the actions, take actions on figuring out how to do it. What do you need to do? Do you need to buy a book? Do you need to use chatGPT? Do you need to use Google? Hell, do you need to enroll into C2C? Because in C2C, we're going to help you cut, we're going to help you slice and dice the amount of time it will take you to do it if you are doing it all by yourself, because you're going to have the weekly daily guidance. You are going to have the shortcuts. You're going to have the clear cut blueprint to being able to take action, to learning how to attract men, whether you're inside, outside, online, offline. Being able to express your desires and allowing men to fulfill them for you. Being able to date multiple men without losing yourself or without compromising yourself. Being able to set clear boundaries that you can execute so that you can maintain your standards and have men meet them. We hope you cut and slice and dice that time. And then also, I encourage you, if you want Power in 2024, to seek support.

Speaker 1: 30:19

We have been keeping our love lives under wraps, as a secret from people, because we think it's desperate and thirsty to desire it. We don't want people to judge us. Now is the time to seek support from people who are invested in your love life success and, even if they're not invested, you rallying them to get invested in your success. Your friends who is surrounded by you now that are your friends? That you can get invested in your love life success? Who can you get on your team? Who is in your family that you can get invested in your love life success, to help support you, to help be a shoulder, to be a cheerleader, to be a helper, to be devil's advocate, to provide advice. Who are these people?

Speaker 1: 31:09

In C2C, we help you build a dream team and these people are friends and family who are currently in your life, who may or may not be aware of the journey you want to take in your love life. And you recruiting these people and you teaching them how to be a support for you, because you know us high, achieving good girls. We are the support for everyone else and we don't know how to create support for ourselves. And so you have this dream team to support you in your love life and your dating process, so that they are able to be a sounding board, accountability, so that they can cheer you on, so that they can help you cultivate and maintain the dating experiences that you desire and you let them in every step of the way. And, in addition to teaching you how to build a dream team, we are also the support. We are the experts. The support comes from me, the coaches, where you get daily guidance, weekly guidance and coaching to refine your dating practices, to help you have the dates that you want to go on, to help you attract the types of men that are going to provide, protect and pursue you, to help you set the boundaries that you need and refine the dating practices you need in order to reach a relationship goals, and not only from us, but also support from the other ladies in your cohort. These are the C2C sisterhood, and they are also there for accountability, for encouragement, for inspiration, because all of these ladies have circumstances and things that come up that you can learn from yourself.

Speaker 1: 32:52

So, again, I encourage you if you do want power in your love life, definitely seek support. So, to reiterate, you are going to need power if you are going to create the love life you want in 2024. If you don't care about creating it, you don't need power. You can just do what you want to do. You can be on autopilot, but there's going to be, there needs to be a level of self mastery on this dating journey and that's going to require self reflection where you're combing through all the placing a love life that don't align with your love life goals.

Speaker 1: 33:26

You're going to have to get focused and take responsibility for these things, a hundred percent ownership of what you've created or allowed in your love life. And then, once you take responsibility, you're going to have to take action towards what you want to experience. It could be baby steps, it could be tiny steps, it doesn't have to be this big thing, but you're going to need to start taking regular action towards what you want and then seeking support around all of this so that you're able to navigate this with a lot of love, with a lot of encouragement, with a lot of inspiration, with a lot of accountability. So when you feel weak, you got people who are strong for you. Those are the things that you are definitely going to need if you want power to transform your love life in 2024.

Speaker 1: 34:16

And if you would like us to help you, if you'd like me and Team Tora to help you, c2c is definitely open for enrollment this month and it is for high achieving church women of faith who desire to improve the caliber of men that they're dating through inter-transformational work and personal development, and to create a love life that serves them at the highest level.

Speaker 1: 34:39

The program is 12 months and it is designed to help you build a rotation of two to three high quality men who provide, protect and pursue you for serious commitment, so that you have real choices instead of waiting to be chosen.

Speaker 1: 34:53

You can choose your life partner, your legacy partner, your husband, in as early as a year and we help you develop this power through mindset work, through belief shifting, through coaching on your dating practices, by building your dating confidence the same way it is built in your career and your education, and by helping you establishing really strong connections with the men in your life, whether you are romantically involved with them or platonically involved.

Speaker 1: 35:24

If you are interested in this and you want to transform your love life and you want our help with that, go ahead to the show notes, you can book a call to speak with me, and when you book a call, I mean you are going to have a conversation about what's currently happening in your love life and what you would like to experience this year not next year, this year, in the next three months, in the next six months that you would like to experience in your dates with men for yourself, and if it's a good fit, I'll invite you into the program. So, yeah, go ahead and book your call, girl, go to the show notes, we can have a talk. And, yes, here's cheers to more power while dating this year, in 2024. All right, queen, I will see you next episode. Bye.