It’s crucial that you curate your dating experiences by turning down interactions and connections that don’t align with your desires.
Attracting quality men who are compatible with you becomes easier when you learn to do this: Decline what doesn’t align with you…ASAP.
Tune into this episode to learn more about the real reason why you’re not attracting quality men, how “good girl” conditioning keeps you tolerating what you don’t want…
…and what you can do to start attracting quality men who are compatible with you.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
It’s crucial that you curate your dating experiences by turning down interactions and connections that don’t align with your desires.
Attracting quality men who are compatible with you becomes easier when you learn to do this: Decline what doesn’t align with you…ASAP.
Tune into this episode to learn more about the real reason why you’re not attracting quality men, how “good girl” conditioning keeps you tolerating what you don’t want…
…and what you can do to start attracting quality men who are compatible with you.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Speaker 1:
What's up, lover girls? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. So this episode I want to try to do a little quickie here, something short and sweet, and it is for my ladies who come to me and say, tora, I am attracting men, I'm going out on dates, I'm meeting men, I'm going out on dates, I'm meeting men, but I'm just, I'm just not really compatible with these men. I want to meet men that I'm actually compatible with. And I, what I'm realizing more often than not, so many women who are really complaining about not meeting compatible men are also tolerating a lot of incompatibility, tons of incompatibility between them and men from the interactions and the conversations and the meetings. It's just a lot of incompatibility and a lot of tolerating of it. And I just want you to know that attracting quality men who are compatible with you, it becomes so much more easier when you learn to decline what doesn't align with you ASAP. I'm going to say it again Attracting quality men who are compatible with you becomes easier when you learn to decline what doesn't align with you ASAP. This means that it is crucial that you curate your dating experiences by turning down interactions, by turning down connections that don't align with your desires, right. So for an example of what this looks like, I know there might be a client that comes and they're just like Tora. I'm just not meeting men that I'm, you know, I'm compatible with and I will, you know, ask a few questions, kind of drill down and see what's happening there.
Speaker 1:
And one thing that might come up is, I found out, the woman is frustrated, this queen is frustrated, and she's frustrated because it has been weeks. It has been a few weeks and there have been conversations on the phone, there have been text messages, but the man has still not finalized plans for a date. And she has brought up the fact that she wants to go on a date and yet the man still has not finalized plans. And it's been weeks. And I'll say why are you still talking to him? Why? And there's often like a little silence there and then she's just like, well, I just you know, maybe I feel like things are going to change and you know he's going to plan the date. I want to give him the opportunity to plan a date, I don't want to cut him off too fast, but yet she's frustrated and she's annoyed.
Speaker 1:
And that is a problem, because when you are accepting these interactions, when you're tolerating interactions, when you are extremely clear that, hey, I am here to date. I'm not here to be your pen pal, I'm not here to be on the phone with you. I'm here to meet in person, to get to know you a little bit more. You've been very clear. I'm not talking about people, women who are passive, aggressive, or women who hint at these things, or women who just expect for men to read their minds that, oh yeah, you should you know, I'm ready for you to take me on a date. I'm talking about women who are already expressed their desire, their standard, their expectation that they want to go on a date, and the man says, oh yeah, yeah, we can plan that Nothing's planned.
Speaker 1:
What that does is that is going to create energetic frequency for not only you, to attract more of what does not work for you, because apparently the intention that you're putting out there cause you reap what you sow. You reap what you sow. That is a metaphysical law, spiritual law. If you are going to reap I mean if you're going to sow into conversations that frustrate you, if you are going to sow into interactions that do not serve you, that is not what you want. That is not in alignment with you desire. You're going to reap more of the same thing, right? We don't just plant cucumber seeds and expect daisies. You're going to reap exactly what you sow, all right.
Speaker 1:
Also, sometimes there are women that are talking to men and the man is giving two to three one word answers and they're still going back and forth with this man, right? So they're trying to have this in-depth conversation with the man and he's giving two to three one word answers and then you continue to go back and forth with him. You know, on a dating app, a lot of times the women will come to me and they're like Tor, it feels like pulling teeth. And I'm like you, damn right, it's pulling, is pulling teeth, because why are you pulling? Why are you pulling when you want to do a? You want to dance with men. You do not want them to chase you and you do not want to pull at them. You want it to be a dance where you guys are moving in step and in alignment with one another.
Speaker 1:
Well, it feels very flowy and in a line, but it doesn't work when you are pulling teeth for answers and responses, and typically this happens when the woman is like interested in the guy. Maybe he, maybe he's really attractive, maybe he's six foot five, seven, right, maybe he looks good on paper, he's looking what she wants economically and she might think she's compatible with the guy. But if he is only giving you one, two to three word answers and you are trying to carry a conversation, what you are saying is this is okay with me, I am okay with being annoyed and frustrated with the man, like, this is my, I'm okay with this, I'm okay with putting up with this kind of misalignment and you reap what you sow and you reap what you sow. If you are sowing that this is okay for you, you're going to be hard pressed to meet men or to be in alignment and connect with men that are actually a match for you, because this is what you keep saying okay to, this is what you keep investing in and even that, like, even if he's not giving you two to three one word answers, there are men that will have lots of conversations with you but he never wants to talk about what you want to talk about. He's not really interested. Matter of fact, when you start sharing things about your life, like, he kind of gets hush mouth, he doesn't really have any, you know, any questions to fully elaborate on what you're talking about, and he just goes right back to himself. And yet you still, you still want to converse with him because he has all these other attributes. It's out of alignment. Want to converse with him because he has all these other attributes. It's out of alignment.
Speaker 1:
Or when, men, when you are clear about what kind of dates you want to go out on or what type of experience you want to have. So, for example, if there is a man that wants you to go on a date I've had clients there's men that wants them to go on a date. I've had clients there's men that wants them to go on dates like later in the evening time, like nine o'clock, like, or the date is over around nine or 10 o'clock and it's late at night. And because of that, their request is that if I'm going to be late out late at night, then men, these men, I would like for them to request me a car back home or Uber back home or Lyft or whatever. And there are some men that are like I don't want to do it, you don't have a car, you can't get yourself back.
Speaker 1:
If you are the woman that wants to feel safe, that wants to feel secure late at night and wants the man to make sure that she gets a car, and he doesn't want to do that. It doesn't mean that he's an asshole or a jerk or a horrible person. It means he's out of alignment. I think we get this thing twisted like oh, he's a good guy, he's a nice guy. I don't give a damn if he's a good guy and a nice guy If he's not in alignment with these key things within you, like your non-negotiables, right, the things where you feel comfort and when I say comfort I don't mean comfort in your insecurities Like, oh, I gotta talk to him every day, because if I don't talk to him every day, then I feel some type of way and I need to know that this is going somewhere and I need to know that we're moving forward and I need to know that he likes me. Baby. That's not a desire, it's not a need, it is a insecurity I'm talking about like true desires, or like even having conversations with men where they keep up bringing topics that you're just not unavailable, that you're unavailable for, for example, there are men that know that you are exploring your options and that means that you're dating other men and they at first act like they're okay with it and then want to keep bringing up the conversation later.
Speaker 1:
So we're out of alignment, because I said what I said. I said what I said, I want to keep. I'm not going to keep talking about this with you. We're out of alignment and this is what I mean by declining what doesn't align ASAP, as soon as you are extremely clear. Mind you, I am only speaking to you If you have been clear not passive, aggressive, not throwing around hints, not expecting men to read your mind.
Speaker 1:
If you are clear about your expectations, if you have fully expressed these expectations and these men do not align with those expectations they don't want to fulfill those desires Then it's time to decline extremely fast. It's not time to kind of wait and see. We already saw. We saw where he was. There's no time for us to be sitting and waiting for him to change.
Speaker 1:
You're going to be waiting for that for the rest of your life sticking around, and again, you reap what you sow. So you are going to reap the sowing of you being frustrated and misaligned. And if you are sowing an investment into interactions you do not like, you're going to reap more connections that don't align with you and that is going to lead you to being drained. It's going to lead you to being drained. It's going to lead you to be disappointed. It's going to lead you to be disconnected from men who are actually compatible with you, because consistently looking for a man who is not available and not aligned to meet your desires or to meet your expectations is going to put you in a state of mind where you're not even going to be able to connect with the compatible men.
Speaker 1:
And deep down, you know this. Deep down women notice when they come to me, they already know that they should be shutting this down early. But here's why it keeps happening, because I know you listening to this, you already know this. You're like, yeah, tora, I got it. Like I understand, you're right, you're right, you're right. But here's why it keeps happening. It keeps happening because, as a good girl, as a high achieving woman of faith, you subconsciously want to please men more than you want to experience pleasure for yourself. You want to please men more than you want to experience pleasure for yourself. And it's subconscious, it's not top of mind. You don't realize this is happening and it's not even your fault because, as high, achieving woman of faith.
Speaker 1:
We were conditioned to want to please more, more than we want to experience pleasure for ourselves. We were conditioned, we were taught, that God created women just to be helpers of men. That's what we were conditioned to be. Yeah, you were created to help men and to help them fulfill their mission and their vision and life. You were created to help men have dominion over this world. I mean, these are just some of the sample messages that you probably heard in the pulpit. You know you were created as a help me and to be a help me you need to learn how to cook, you need to learn how to clean, you need to know how to do this and make him feel happy and accommodate him and be nice to him. That's what we were taught.
Speaker 1:
Right Now, we were not really. We did not learn growing up that we were created with autonomy to be made in God's image, to be warriors on this land. That's what Ezer Kanedo actually stands for, which is the term for help in the scripture. And Ezer Kanedo? I know I'm not pronouncing it right because I'm not fluent in Hebrew. I know I'm not pronouncing it right because I'm not fluent in Hebrew, but it's mentioned 21, 22 times in the Bible and 19 of those times it's referring to a warrior, not some type of helper, a whole warrior power. Right, but that's not how we've been taught. We've been taught, yeah, we're just the helpers, and so that's how we show up.
Speaker 1:
You know we were taught to be accommodating and agreeable from a very, very young age. Be nice, kelly, smile. You know, accommodating and agreeable we didn't really get to express our full selves and really say what was on our mind, because if we say what's on our mind, then we were a bad girl or we were mouthy, right, or we were too much. Little girls need to be accommodating and agreeable. Little boys can kind of like do what they want, because you know they're boys, like they say what they want to say and people just let them do their thing and women just like no, you can't do that.
Speaker 1:
And we were taught to be submissive and obedient to men as part of our religion. That's kind of like a lot of us. We grew up in church and we were just taught like, hey, you got to learn how to be submissive to your husband. We were taught the obedience of, how to show up for even the pastor and how to be obedient Like I remember those days of I remember someone. I said I was going to take a trip to Atlanta and somebody said did you ask the pastor? And I said I'm not asking. No, I'm a grown ass woman, I'm not going to ask the pastor anything.
Speaker 1:
And this is when I started coming out of that ideology of, you know, needing to be obedient and needing to be submissive, especially, especially to men that were not my husband's. We are here trying to be submissive and obedient, just period, because that's what we were taught. And because of all of this, we often abandon our own needs and desires to prior to prioritize the comfort and satisfaction of men. We are the ones trying to be chosen by men. We want men to choose us. So, therefore, if I have a desire, I'm not going to express it because I don't want him to think I'm a gold digger. I don't want him to think that I'm too much. Oh man, I'm going to be there for him because he's going through a lot right now, not to mention, you're going through a lot, but you're allowing him to cry on your shoulder and you're opening up your ears to all of it, allowing him to just dump his problems onto you. You become a fixer. You want to help him fix things? Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm an. I'm an entrepreneur too. Let me, let me help you fix that. Let me, I can help you with the website. I can. I can help you study, um, you know, for this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:
We abandon our own needs and desires to prioritize the comfort and satisfaction of men, and that is why I am an advocate. That is why I stand strong to teach women how to prioritize their own pleasure and, by doing so, attracting compatible men who love them. For it. I do not. I do not resonate with women who are out here saying, like well, the men say this and the men don't. Like, I don't. I don't give a damn what the men say. I really don't work with with what men say out of their mouths. I look at what they do. I noticed that men will say one thing and do another, even when it's a good thing, right, people often refer to men like when it's like a bad thing, or they'll say this and they'll do another. Like, sometimes, men, um, men will say what they will not do with the woman and then, when you start dating them, they start doing all the things for you because, at its core, men want to be logical so bad, not understanding that it's been proven scientifically that every human makes decisions emotionally. Men just do a better job at justifying it with logic. I do not resonate with women who are like well, this is what men want from women. So therefore, this is how you need to show up. No, I don't care. I teach women how to prioritize their own pleasure and attract compatible men who love them forward.
Speaker 1:
Men who love your outspokenness, your differences. Men who love that you take care of yourself first. Men who love that you put yourself first. Men who love that you're exploring your options and he is ready to be put in the rotation because he's confident that he can make it happen with you. Men who love the fact that you're fully expressive of your emotions. Men who love the fact that you are open and sharing parts of yourself with this man and him not thinking that, oh, it's time to pull away. Men who are in alignment with your desire to feel safe and secure and they're going to call the car. They're going to call the car for you to get home safe and sound. They're going to have the conversations you want to have. They're going to ask you the deeper questions.
Speaker 1:
And these women who prioritize themselves. They have their needs and their metts and desires fulfilled not just by themselves but also by the men that they're dating. Because they prioritize their pleasure, they decline what doesn't align. They say no very, very quickly, after they have been clear and expressive. They say no extremely quickly, very quickly after they have been clear and expressive. They say no extremely quickly. They decline the conversations, they decline the interactions, they decline the pen pal behavior. They decline not having the dating experiences that they want. Because when you communicate clearly, when you honor your own self-respect and when you prioritize your pleasure, the more magnetic you become, the quality men who want to please you.
Speaker 1:
These men love the fact that you stand up for yourself. They love the fact that you ooze your own celebration of yourself, that you feel your own cup, that you don't overflow. They love it and they want to add more to that. These men are not trying to leech off of you, suck you dry. They're trying to add to your life and I help you do this and more. They're trying to add to your life and I help you do this and more, and if you're looking for this kind of help. I help you do this in my private one-to-one coaching for women of faith unchurched women of faith who desire to work with me closely to become in high demand in the dating world and finally date men on their level.
Speaker 1:
In one-to-one coaching, I work with you to get a better understanding of your needs, your desires and your values so that they are at the forefront of all of your dating decisions. We're not making dating decisions until all of this is put out on the table and you are able to have clarity on how you want to move on, what you want to experience, on what you are going to tolerate and not tolerate. What are you going to be available for and what are you not. What are your non-negotiables going to be available for and what are you not? What are your non-negotiables? What are your preferences, what are your expectations? And when we are interacting with men, we are looking through the lens of all of that and making decisions based upon that, not based upon him being 6'5 and having a thriving career and him being financially well off and very handsome and smell good. No, we're talking about alignment. I will also teach you how you can stop self-abandoning, drop people pleasing and confidently communicate your boundaries up front to men, to ensure that you and the men that you're dating are on the same page about your expectations.
Speaker 1:
We will work together to build your confidence so that you can trust your immediate instincts with men. So a lot of times like high achieving women, like we're really confident in our careers and how we show up with our education, our businesses, but when it comes to dating, our confidence isn't that high and we do not trust our instincts. We do not trust our intuition. Some of us are very locked out of our bodies and we can't feel into it. So that's why we continue to pull teeth. We continue to wait on men to change. We continue to see if something is going to evolve. But no, you're going to learn how to trust your immediate instincts. We're going to say no quick. We're going to decline quick and make choices that align with your vision not his vision your vision of healthy and fulfilling connections.
Speaker 1:
Working with me, you'll break free from patterns of behavior that aren't serving your best interest, as I guide you through the process of meeting and attracting quality men who are compatible with your needs, who are compatible with your desires, who are compatible with your core values. So if you are interested in becoming a private, one-to-one client, the next step is to book a sales call with me. The link will be in the show notes and on this call, we will hop on a Zoom and we will talk face to face about your current dating struggles, what your vision for your love life looks like, and see and present to you how I can help you achieve that. So, yeah, go ahead and click the link in the show notes. If you're not able to get the show notes, you can definitely find the link on my Instagram bio.
Speaker 1:
Book the call, let's have a conversation, and I really want you to think about what we talked about today and start declining what doesn't align very fast. Make sure that you're clear and you're expressive up front. You make sure this is known and you make it happen. If you enjoyed this episode, go ahead and rate me five stars. Go ahead and submit a review for us so that we continue charting on the charts. Oh, I'm so excited. Yes, let's continue to chart. Yeah, I'm really, really excited. So, anywho, I will chat with you next time. Bye.