Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How I Fall in Love Without Getting Attached
Most dating advice says to guard your heart, stay unbothered, and avoid getting too emotionally involved.
But for me, true connection means being fully open and expressive—I fall in love without holding back, and I do it without getting attached.
In this episode, I share the mindset shifts and simple steps I follow to stay grounded and true to myself when I meet a new man I’m excited about.
Tune in to find out how I experience love in a way that’s both passionate and secure, letting me connect without losing myself.
Interested in working with me 1:1? Work with me to experience love in a way that’s open, exciting, and free from unhealthy attachment
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@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Hey, lover, girl, welcome back to the podcast. I'm super excited that you're able to join me once again for another week and another episode, and if you are new here, I'm your host, taurusense, and I specialize in helping high achieving unchurched women of faith attract high quality men who serve and support them, as well as to move into romantic relationships that align with your goals, whether that is a committed relationship, engagement, marriage whatever you want, girl, whatever your romantic constellation is, I'm here to help you get that, and I'm really excited about this episode. This wasn't planned. This was something that I wanted to do. It was inspired by a reel that I made that went viral, and the reel was called how I Fall in Love Without Getting Attached, and I will add that in the show notes it has about 1.3 million views. I will add that in the show notes it has about 1.3 million views. I think I got over like 7,000 followers because of that particular reel and it's causing like a lot of conversation and commotion and basically, in the reel I talk about how I'm able to fall in love, because I, whenever I have good feelings with a man, I don't I don't assign those feelings to him If I feel, you know, excited about meeting a new guy.
Speaker 1:He's amazing, he's cultured, he's intelligent, he's you know, um, he's handsome, he's generous. I don't look at these men and say, oh, like, he's the perfect man for me or he's. He's the reason why I'm feeling this way. I always point those experiences back to me and what I'm capable of doing and the types of men that I'm capable of attracting, and basically I'm not actually falling in love with the men. I'm falling in love with myself, and I had no idea the real was going to go that crazy. I didn't see it as a groundbreaking idea. It's something I've been doing for years and teaching my clients for years and I was like, oh, let me just share what I do and apparently it's blowing people's minds, so I'm really happy about that.
Speaker 1:Now I am kind of annoyed because there was a particular woman who I'm realizing a lot of my followers follow. Her name is Margarita Nazarenko. She posted a video on TikTok and I'm not really on TikTok like that because you know, my capacity for social media is very, very low as it is and Instagram has predominantly like my attention. She posted basically my concept like five days later, four to five days later, on TikTok, and she went viral over there and she remixed it and she said she learned it by, you know, studying men. It's literally the concept I just shared and I actually made some stories about it. I tagged her, I DM'd her about it because people were well, first of all, people were sending me the video. Um, they were like Tara, do you know that this woman is, you know, sharing your concept? Did you know this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing like as a dating coach, I understand that there's no new subject under the sun. Like every subject, every topic is going to be talked about and rehashed, but perspectives on the topic itself, that is what is unique to a person. And so she took the perspective on the topic that everyone has covered and presented it as her own. And when people were calling her out about it in her comment section, she went viral on TikTok and she went viral on Instagram. She changed her caption and she's like oh, everyone has been telling me this concept came from Torah, who was brilliant, by the way, you know. Will you come on the podcast? And I saw that and I was just like I just reposted on my stories what she said. I say, yeah, I'll be on the podcast. But here's the thing I know she's not interested in having me on the podcast because if she was, she would have had her team reach out to me via email or DM. She simply just changed the caption to kind of like, cover her ass and um and be able to keep up the video at the same time and um. So yeah, and here's the thing people have been taking my perspectives and concepts for years and I have not made a big deal out of it. But this one just hit home because a lot of these larger creators will look at smaller creators like myself, take concepts, perspectives, remix them and then get opportunities that we don't have access to public relationship opportunities, brand opportunities because they are bigger. So that one kind of hit me hard. But anyway, I'm not going to delve too deep into that. I'll actually put both of our videos in the comment section and you'll be the judge on it. This podcast isn't about that. But yeah, I figured I'd just share.
Speaker 1:But yeah, let's talk about falling in love. Oh, y'all know, if you know me, if you listen to this podcast, if you watch my Instagram stories, I love falling in love. I think I fall in love once a month at least. I enjoy it. It feels amazing to me to meet a new guy and just be head over heels and just feel all the butterflies and super excited, where I'm calling on my friends and I'm like, oh my gosh, I just met him and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like I love. It Feels so good to me. But again, I also don't get attached to these guys when it comes to falling in love. Most dating advice you're going to hear is don't, like, don't fall in love. You're going to hear guard your heart or be unbothered, or don't get emotionally involved with the guy. And yeah, that's not me at all. And here's the thing. People are always wondering and asking me where are you meeting these men that are so expressive? Because I'll share screenshots of text messages, I will post interactions between me and men in my stories and they're like oh, they're not here in New York, they're not here in Georgia, they're not here. Like, where are you meeting these guys, tori? I'm like I meet them everywhere.
Speaker 1:One of the reasons why I'm able to attract emotionally available, emotionally intelligent, emotionally expressive men is because I am extremely emotionally expressive. I'm extremely emotionally open and transparent. I don't hold back my feelings or my emotions. I don't hold back my excitement about a man, my infatuation about a man, my lust for a man. I don't hold back any of that. Any man that I'm in love with he knows ASAP, right, I don't care if it's been 24 hours or 48 hours. I let a man know I'm in love with him ASAP. Okay, I will tell him like, oh my gosh, I'm so in love with you, oh man, I'm so into you, I'm so in love with you. Like, oh man, I'm so into you, I'm so in love with you. Like, can I hold your hand? Can I give you a kiss? Can I do that? Like, I let them know I'm into them and they freaking love it and what it does is it allows them to be expressive because they're like this girl.
Speaker 1:She doesn't fear this. I'm not going to fear it. She feels safe expressing. I feel safe expressing this with her. I don't feel like this is going to be used against me or I'm going to be taken advantage of, because this woman is showing her true self to me and it's true Like I don't fear a man thinking a certain type of way or what would happen if I fell in love with him.
Speaker 1:I don't have any fear or concerns around that, especially considering my standards and my boundaries and my requirements. I don't have any fear around that. I don't have fear of my heart being broken either. I don't have fear and I'm open to falling in love one week and then falling out of love the next, and I don't make a big deal. We make this big hurrah around oh, I'm in love one week and then falling out of love the next, and I don't make a big deal. Like we make this big hurrah around oh, I'm in love. This must mean something and something has to happen. Because I'm in love Like nothing has to happen.
Speaker 1:I just I'm just going to be in love. I'm just going to sit here in all of this love and I'm going to express it and I'm going to, I'm going to talk about it. Um, I'm going to share the emotions that I'm going to talk about it. I'm going to share the emotions that I'm having with my friends, with family, with the man I'm going to share and I'm not going to make it a big deal. This is why my friends, my family, they don't be tripping when I call them about a new man, like they don't do that, because they already know like Tora is feeling this way and this is how she usually does things. It's not like oh, tora is actually going to, you know, marry this man or move forward. Tora just likes to fall in love. Tora likes to feel good and I love it. And same goes with my friends. Right, and especially like a lot of my friends I have coached, like they used to be clients of mine, and so they also have a lifestyle of falling in love where they'll just.
Speaker 1:I'm actually going to share my story screenshots of my friends that I get on a weekly basis of them meeting new men and sharing photos of new men. And then next time I hear from them, they're like oh yeah, he's not in the picture anymore, but I love him now, you know, and we don't make it a big deal um of them like consistently falling in love over and over again, them saying, oh yeah, he wasn't a good fit, but I'm in love again this week and I'm in love again this week. Oh, my gosh, I think he, you know, um, he's somebody I am absolutely adoring right now. We don't make that a big deal. I just expect those text messages, they expect them from me, and we just swap gush reports, and gush reports are basically conversations that you have with other people about how in love you are with a man or how excited you are about a man. I love Gus reports.
Speaker 1:So today I'm going to share three important principles that I follow so that I fall in love without getting attached to a man. But first I want to define what attachment is. When I fall in love, I create an emotional bond with these men, like really close emotional bond. I am developing a connection with them. I'm feeling super close to them because we are building this emotional connection. But I'm not attached to them, meaning that I do not need them to feel emotionally regulated, I do not need them to feel worthy of love.
Speaker 1:Now here's the thing you are attached when you need to have like regular, constant contact with a man or you're going to feel some type of way. You're going to feel anxiety, right. So if I'm not in contact consistent contact with the man, like I'm fine, right, and that that doesn't mean that I don't have like an initial feeling of, oh my gosh, what's happening. It means that when that feeling comes up, it's like feedback. Um, and I'll talk about that a little bit later. But if a man is not showing up for me and our communication styles don't work. It doesn't lead to anxiety, it just leads to oh, this isn't a good fit. That's what it leads to. It's like oh, this is just not a good fit. But if you feel anxiety about not hearing from a guy, if you are overthinking when you don't hear from a guy, that is attachment, okay.
Speaker 1:Attachment is when you don't express your true thoughts or feelings to a man out of fear of being judged, whether they're good feelings or bad feelings, whether you want to express excitement or disappointment. If you don't want to express those true thoughts or feelings out of fear of being judged or criticized or being looked at a certain way, you're attached Because you need to control the circumstances. So you feel good. Right, you're not willing to feel like you need to feel good, and so that's why you keep these circumstances intact. You're attached if you avoid conflict because you don't want to upset the person or you don't want to cause them to walk away, or to pull away If you're avoiding nailing things to the wall, like, for example, I remember I had a client where this guy you know he said he was going to take her out on a date.
Speaker 1:They were going to plan something, they were going to do some things together and he, at the first of all, he did not call. And then, when she reached out to him, he was like oh, I forgot, you know, I had the kids with me this weekend. And when he came back and was like ask, like he came back and was like good morning. She just was saying good morning back. And I'm like why did you let that go? Like, why didn't you nail that to the wall? Can you explain? Why didn't you do that? And she was just like, oh, I just didn't. You know, I didn't want to come off like I'm nitpicking or I, you know, I really like him and I was like this is attachment.
Speaker 1:This is attachment, right, when you don't nail things to the wall, when men are showing up in ways that are a no-no for you, no, when you stick around for the potential of the relationship, not for the reality of the relationship. So, for example, you know, like, you know he's a good catch, right, maybe, shoot, maybe he, you know, has a great career, high security clearance, right, if he's working in DC, right, he is, you know, very cultured, very intelligent, he got his money together and you're like, oh man, like we could be good together. Right, he's just the level of attractiveness you want. But you know he's not planning dates, he is not consistent in how he's showing up as a man. But you're thinking of all the potential that could happen and not the reality. You're attached, you're looking at all the ways that he could be good and y'all could have a good relationship if he just did that, if he just showed up here, if he just planned dates and baby. No, that's attachment. That's very unhealthy.
Speaker 1:If you fear losing the person right and it leads to you self-abandoning yourself, and self-abandonment might look like ignoring red flags, it might look like changing plans just to fit his. It might look like crossing your own boundaries because you fear losing the person right. So if you fear losing the person and it leads to your self-abandonment, that's attachment. Like I want this person so bad. I'm going to be, I'm going to be nice, nicer than I usually would be, and um, that means that I might not go to the gym because I want to hang out with him. That might mean I am going to allow him to cancel three dates, even though that is outside of my boundaries.
Speaker 1:If you fear losing this person. You are attached. There's nothing wrong with not wanting someone to leave and be disappointed, because if any man in my rotation walked away from me, I would be very disappointed. But I don't fear them. I don't fear losing them. I don't if they walk away from me. I don't fear them walking away. Okay, I don't want them to go, but I don't fear their loss. So, now that we have defined what attachment is in this context, here are the three principles for how I'm able to fall in love without getting attached. The first principle is I don't give men credit for what I create. Every good feeling I have with a man, I know I created it. Every level of excitement that I have, I created that excitement, the joy that I have, excitement, the anticipation I have excitement, the security I feel excitement, the safety excitement.
Speaker 1:We think that men causes us to feel this way, but it's not true. No man has the power to make you feel anything. The only reason why you feel this way is because of the thoughts that you're having about the man. You feel excited because you see that this man is planning dates. He's being consistent. You're like oh, I love consistency, oh, I love a man who plans dates. That is what causes the excitement, the joy that you have with him, the joy of you know the way he's been showing up for you, or the conversations that you're having. You love the topics of the conversation, you love his voice, you love how he smells, you're thinking about those things in a certain way and that makes you feel joyful. It has nothing to do with the man. It has everything to do with your thoughts. If it was the man, then every single woman who comes in contact with that same man will have the same emotion. And that's not the truth. Every woman has different experiences with the man because of her perception, her thoughts, her beliefs. That will cause her to project and have different emotions about a man.
Speaker 1:Okay so and I always I love teaching this concept in a very extreme way to clients I'm like hey, if you found out that this man cause, they're like oh, I'm stuck on my ex. I think I'm stuck on my ex. And I'm like if you found out that your ex sexually assaulted three little girls under the age of 10, would you still be stuck on him? She's like no, I would never. I'm like okay, that's how you know that a man does not cause your emotions, because if he did, there's nothing you would be able to do to change your feelings. You changed your feelings. Now your feelings is feelings of disgust, hurt, probably hate, because now you're thinking those thoughts, your core value, your value system, values those girls, values morality more than it values that man, and that's why your feelings have changed.
Speaker 1:You created the feeling. At the end of the day, it has nothing to do with the man. So I never give men credit for what I create. If I get excited around a man, that man is not the source of my excitement. Okay, and I understand that. So I know that if he leaves, I could create that with somebody else. Okay, every interaction I had with him I also created Meeting him. I created it.
Speaker 1:You guys have heard me tell stories of how I've met the men in my rotation. I did that. I showed up. I set an intention. I followed them, like two of them. I followed. I decided to get on a dating app. I did that. I created that. He didn't do it. I did it. The amazing conversations that we're having I created it. I'm the one that manifested this conversation. I'm the one who decided that I wanted to have it and how I wanted it to go. I created it.
Speaker 1:If a man takes me on trips, buys me gifts, pays bills, supports me emotionally and mentally during tough times, I created that too. I created an environment where I'm such an amazing woman, where I've created such an abundance mindset. In my life I've done so much personal development. I have treated dating like a spiritual practice. I created this, not the city I met this man on, not the dating app, not him. I did it. I did all of that, and the reason why he wants to invest in me is because I invest in myself. The reason why he wants to show up for me is because I show up for myself. The reason why he's obsessed with me is because I am unapologetically obsessed with my damn self. I've created every single interaction. He doesn't get the credit for that all the hard work that I've done, and so therefore, I can't ever get attached to one man because I know that I created it. He can never get the credit. Okay, so that's number one.
Speaker 1:The second principle of how I fall in love without getting attached is I frame my feelings as feedback, not as footsteps to follow. So what that means is I do not allow my feelings to dictate any of my actions, right? So when most women, you know, get excited about a man, it leads her to taking action. So she's like, oh, I'm so excited, I'm going to talk on the phone for's like, oh, I'm so excited, I'm going to talk on the phone for hours now. Well, I'm so excited, I'm going to go exclusive with him and I'm so excited about him that I'm going to do this and I'm going to have sex and I'm going to do that, and I'm going to do that Like I don't. I don't allow my feelings to dictate my actions. Right, I feel the excitement in my body, right, I'm in love.
Speaker 1:I feel the excitement, I feel the butterflies, and then I ask myself why am I excited, tora? Why are you excited? For example, front runner I get excited because he plans the most creative dates, right, and my thought process is like wow, like this man, he has the most creative dates. I love going on the dates that he has for me and I'm excited about that. Like that's why I'm excited. We talk about Saudi, right, he's extremely cultured. He's a very multifaceted man. He has a lot of global experiences that are very, very valuable and I get excited about that, right, I'm like I asked myself why are you excited? Oh, I'm excited about that. Or Big Body Benz, aka Cameroon, like he's extremely disciplined. Oh, it's such a turn on. I'm like, oh, you run seven miles every single morning, even in the cold, even when your head hurts, right, even like you do this every single morning. Oh, you're on the same meal plan every day to build your muscle. Oh, my gosh, let me get up and do this mobility workout because you're up doing it. You're at 5.30 in the morning doing it. Like, listen, it inspires me, like I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1:I don't allow my feelings to dictate actions, to be like now, since they do all those things. We need to be together. Like I don't do that. And it's so interesting because these men will ask me. They'll say, okay, well, you know. Like, how can you love me so much, how can you be so in love with me? But you're not my woman. And I'm like because being your woman requires other things.
Speaker 1:Me having feelings doesn't require anything but vibrations in my body. But being a woman requires me to be responsible for the relationship for you. It requires for me to take on certain things. It requires for me to have a good understanding of who you are as a man over time. It requires for me to understand that you live by your core values, not just during now, but like down the line. It requires for me to know how you respond to stress Right.
Speaker 1:Like me, you ain't even gotten an argument yet and you want to lock me down. I have not seen you under pressure. You want to lock me down. Like sir you, you don't even know what things look like. I don't know what it looks like. So therefore, no, absolutely not. And but I still. I'm in love with you, though. Can we do kissy faces at each other, right? Can we hug and you rub my feet? Can we do these things?
Speaker 1:But as far as becoming your partner and going exclusive, no, no, no, my emotions do not leave me there. I have rash, and I had one guy. He was like you know, I actually really this is the first time I've ever dated a woman where I'm able to deeply connect with her and feel deeply in love with her and not take it to the next level. He said this is very interesting. He's like I don't understand how you can be so emotional and rational at the same time, and I said because emotions are not. It's not one or the other. There needs to be an integrated balance. I have a healthy balance of my feminine and masculine and I use it accordingly.
Speaker 1:When I feel accepted, when I'm in love, I ask myself why I don't say, oh, I feel accepted, this might be the one, this must be the one. He's my husband, he's this. I just I'm like, oh, I feel accepted because I get to be myself in this connection. I get to be free in this connection. They love the fact that I pole dance and they love the fact, like I'm telling, I don't know why, but I end up dating men who are religious, be going to church every week. I don't do that, right. I don't remember the last time I've been to church. These men faithfully go Right and they let me be me, they let me be me, they support me and I'm not religious like them and I get to be myself.
Speaker 1:And so the focus is not on oh my gosh, I love being with him because he accepts me for who I am. I'm like, oh, I'm in love with him because I get to be myself. It's not because of him per se, but there is something about this interaction where I get to be myself. So now I need to work on exploring more of being myself in general. If being, if I feel in love because I get to be myself, it's not about the man, it's about maybe this particular man made it easier for me to be myself, but this is feedback. This is feedback. Like Tori, you need to figure out how to be more of yourself in general. Right, that is why you're actually in love. It's not because of this man, it's because of how you feel when you're with this man.
Speaker 1:Or, if I'm inspired, if I feel inspired, I ask myself okay, you're in love, you feel inspired. Why? Well, maybe you know. Like, for example, front runner, he has a six figure portfolio. He's not even 30 yet that's inspiring. Like, how did you do this, sir? Like, how did you do this? You're not even 30 years old. You have a six figure investment portfolio and that inspires me, right, because I'm almost, I'm 37 years old and so I'm inspired to be like, not like, oh, he has a six figure portfolio and he has, he's good with his, he's make a, he's going to be my husband. It's like, oh, like, he inspired something in me, something that I want to tap into. How do I get my money at the place where it looks like his. How do I get a portfolio like that? And so now I'm in like money programs, um, and I plan on joining like a wealth afigure wealth program with my money coach in order to help me get to that point. Because I'm inspired.
Speaker 1:But I don't make that to mean like, oh, he's so amazing, we need to be together. No, I'm inspired by that. That means I need to work on me. And when I look at Saudi, and he has a solid network, he's well-connected globally, all over the world, right Everywhere he goes he gets the VIP treatment. Because he's built so many different relationships in different states, cities, countries, continents, and I'm inspired. I'm like, okay, I even ask him questions like me building my network and my connections and things like that. I don't think, oh, I'm, you know, because he's well-connected, I need to be with him. Like, oh, how do you create this for yourself? Tour? Because obviously he sparked something in you that was dormant, that you need to really work on, especially as an introvert. Like, you need to really work on this.
Speaker 1:And he's an intro uh, big body bins, um, I'm so inspired by his um, his ability to commit to his plans. Like he does it very, very quickly. He says one thing and he gets it done very, very quickly. I'm like, wow, you did that already. He was like, yeah, I, I love his commitment to health. Like this man goes all the way out to a farm just to pick eggs, like just to get eggs. Everything's organic, right. He'll go get a fresh goat right and chop it up. I'm just, I'm inspired by that and I don't make and even though, like health is and wellness is like one of my core values, I don't make that to me like, oh, we have the same core values, so therefore that means that you're the one. It's like no, I actually value this. Now. How can I show up better in my life for my health and my wellness? How can I have better foods? How can I take my supplements? Like, how can I do that?
Speaker 1:And again, I don't use my feelings to take action, to move forward with these men. I take my feelings to mean what do I need to take care of about myself? What do I need to infuse into my own life that has me feeling really good with these men? What do I need to do with these feelings? It's all about me of what I need to do and how I need to show up. And I think it's like we think it's about the man and how he shows up, but it's really how we perceive ourselves when we're with these men. And I don't attach it to mean like, oh, I have to have this man. It's like, wow, this man bought this to my life. It's something that I need for myself. Let me check my feelings. Why do I feel this way? Oh, this is why I feel this way. Let me cater to me. So if any of these men leave, I know what they left me with and I can go and fall in love with another guy. Right, it's not a big deal. There's no scarcity around all of that Because I, number one, I understand I don't give men credit for what I've created.
Speaker 1:And, number two, my feelings are feedback, not footsteps to follow behind a man. And the third Another principle I follow is I focus on follow through, not fantasy. Don't get me wrong. I love daydreaming about a man. I love daydreaming about being in his arms, about me taking me on trips, about us playing dates, about us kissing, like I. Just I daydream. I love that, but I don't get lost in it. I don't get lost. It's kind of like you know, I'm watching my own television show and then I turn the TV off. I don't think that I'm a part of a virtual reality game, like I get lost in it, like I'm, this is real. It's like oh yeah, let me turn. I'm watching TV and let me turn it off.
Speaker 1:Thing is like I said, I focus on follow through, not the fantasy. So the fantasy is like what we can do in the future, what we're going to do in the future. Like that's fantasy. But I only choose to stay based upon how someone regularly shows up in my life, not their potential to show up in my life. Like these men have the potential to show up in my life in certain ways, but I'm only going to stay based upon what they're currently doing. So it means that I'm willing to walk away when I realize that they're not showing up. That's in a way, that's in alignment with me. For example, I've walked away from front runner before. All right, and this is a man who got me a house. He's paid my bills for a year. I mean he's.
Speaker 1:He created like the ultimate outside playground for me and I didn't care when I felt like he couldn't show up what he wasn't able to show up, I walked away. I remember him feeling he felt closed off. I noticed like, after a time of being together, I got sick like a couple times, and it felt like he didn't have the capacity for it. Right, it felt like he didn't know what to do with that and all the amazing things he's done for me. Like he didn't have the capacity. I'm like that's the most important thing, like my health and wellness, like I understand, like you showing up for me and helping me after I left my marriage and really like giving me a soft place to land. But, sir, when I'm sick, I'm going to require, I require some care. And he didn't have capacity. It didn't feel like he had capacity for it and I walked away.
Speaker 1:I was like, hey, I, you know I can't do this, right, because I feel like you don't have the capacity for it. And I told him I'm not available for to connect. And one of the places I told him I was like you need to go to therapy and I'm not. I'm not going to consider us reconnecting until you do that. And he went and he got therapy. He went and he was attending therapy every every week, right, and so we were able to reconnect.
Speaker 1:But I was willing to walk away. I didn't think about, oh, what the potential could be if we you know all these things he did for me in the past and I'm holding on to that potential, what we can have in the future. It's like, look, this is what I have in front of me and, sir, I'm not with it, I'm walking away, I'm gone Right. And now he knows that he can't even afford not to show up, like he doesn't slack, he doesn't, like he's now he's, he's not closed off at all, like, whenever I'm on my cycle, he makes sure that I'm well taken care of and that I have all my munchies and that I'm not like, how can he help alleviate my pain? Like he's opened up around that because of the work that he's chosen to do. But it was only because, like you know, like I'm going to walk away, sir, so you have to step up to my level or I got to get out of here. I'm willing to walk away, not attached. Now, that doesn't mean that I wasn't crying and disappointed. You're going to cry, you're going to be upset, but I'm not going to be attached to where, I'm going to stay somewhere where things are not in alignment.
Speaker 1:And the reason why we can't let go of a man when it's time is because we're gripping towards a fantasy that doesn't exist. We're not looking at follow through, is he following through? Is he following through? That shit ain't real. Okay, fantasy is not real. It's simply, you know, what we want to happen, what we can see happening. It's not real, which is why we're stuck on our exes, we're stuck on situationships, we're stuck on crushes because of a fantasy we've created in our own heads.
Speaker 1:We're also stuck on past behavior. So I can just imagine, if I'm like man, this man has done so well, got me a house, you know, paid all my bills, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know I can't just walk away. Now he's, he can come back and be better Like no hell. No, the past is the past, right? What the scriptures say about who? He who endures to the end. It said endures to the end, not halfway, not to a half point, or three fourths, not to seven, eighths of the way. It says he who endures to the end. So, sir, you got to endure to the end. I don't care about that past behavior. I don't care how good you were to me in the past.
Speaker 1:If you stop showing up, I am not loyal to the past behavior. You have to consistently show up for me. So my focus is always on follow up. What are you doing now, like I'm in love with you. But what are you doing now? I'm in love with you. Are you no longer planning dates, though? Oh, sir, I brought it up to you that you're not planning dates and I need to have dates planned. Well, I got to walk away. I'm in love with you, but you're not. You're no longer holding space for me. I get it. We're not aligned. Okay, I'm in love with you, but you're making excuses as to why you can't show up for me, for whatever reason. I'm in love with you, but I gotta walk away Like I'm. I'm just, I'm just going to do it. It's a funny story. I've walked away from front runner a couple of times.
Speaker 1:You know, he again, he's religious, but he, he went through a period of super religiousness. Sometimes, you know, anywho, he, he goes. He went through this period of. He had a dream. Basically, he had a dream and it caused him to have some type of I don't know some. He basically started um, saying he has to let go all the things of the world and he can't do anything, all these things of the world, and he has to dedicate his days to the lord. And that requires, like, when we would connect, he he would only, he would only have Bible conversations with me. And I told him, I said listen, listen, I'm not going to debate theology with you every time I meet with you, like we're, we're not going to do this.
Speaker 1:And there was one time I was like, hey, I would love for you to take me to the Michael Jackson. There was this Michael Jackson play that I wanted to see, that it reimagined Michael Jackson at each stage, each stage of his life. And this man told me, talking about oh no, I don't want to do the secular stuff and it's not of God. And you know, I said, you know what, you know what, sir, I've been, I've been really patient with you and and and all of your religious revelations and you trying to figure out your theology and stuff. But I think this is where we end, because not only are we having religious debates every time I see you right and debate in scripture every time I see you, but now you're talking about you're not going to take me on dates because of secular. All of our dates are secular, sir, I'm not doing this with you, so you need to go find a woman who wants to be this religious with you. Don't get me wrong I love the fact that you're exploring, but I just I don't have the capacity for it. Right, and I was willing to walk away.
Speaker 1:Now people might be like, oh, tori, that's a bad reason to walk away. No, it's a really good reason, cause I don't value that's not what I value. It's out of alignment. And I don't care how in love I am with you If I notice we're out of alignment. Core value wise, because that's the core value of it. It was right. He's not there anymore. Like he's, he's mellowed out, he's, he's not there. But that's out of alignment for me. It's self abandonment for me to stay there because I have feelings I'm like if you're not able to show up in a way that aligns with my core values, then what are we doing here? I'm in love with you, but you're not able to align with my core values anymore. I have to walk away. You know I have to do it.
Speaker 1:So those are my three principles that I stick by. I stand by all of it, and this is how I'm able to fall deeply in love with men and not be attached. I'm able to form emotional connections, build trust and intimacy and allow myself to walk away. Again doesn't mean I'm not disappointed. Doesn't mean I'm not sad. Doesn't mean I don't cry about it. It just simply means that I do not make a decision to stay or stick around or entertain a man when it's out of alignment with who I am, and I do it by number one. I don't give men credit for what I create. I create my own emotions and I create meeting these men. I create the interactions I have with these men. I don't give men credit for this. I am the creator of all of this. This is my universe, my world and my reality that I have created for myself. Right, and when you learn to create your own reality, you won't have to worry about it either.
Speaker 1:I also frame my feelings as feedback, not footsteps that I follow. If I feel excitement, if I feel joy, if I feel peace, security, stability, I understand, okay, what? Why do I feel this way? Or why do I feel secure? Why do I feel stable? Oh, this is why. It's because of this, it's not because of a man. It's really because of me and what I desire and what do I want for my life, and it has nothing to do with the man. And so that's why I don't take action off of my feelings and I also focus on follow through, not fantasy.
Speaker 1:Are you still showing up for me or am I looking at potential to show up for me? I don't go by potential, sir. You either need to show up for me or not, or I'm going to walk away. All right, and I wasn't always in this space, I wasn't always here, but I've done a lot of work for myself. I've done all of this work and I practice it on a regular basis and I help other women do the same so that they're able to fall deeply in love, which is why my friends are able to do it All right, which is why my clients are able to do it Right, which is why, um, which is why my clients are able to do it.
Speaker 1:And if you want to learn how to really enjoy men and to fall in love over and over and over and over again, like right, you can have a breakup one weekend and the next week you good to go. I would encourage you to work with me. Girl, like work with me. Book a one-to-one um sales call with me. Book a one-to-one sales call with me and let's talk about what it would look like to work together over the next six months. Let's come up with a plan of what we will do together if we work together over the next six months. So you can book your sales call by the link in the show notes or you can book your call by going to my Instagram, by hitting the link in my bio. We're going to have a conversation about what's happening with you and then you know what can I do to help move you forward and make progress.
Speaker 1:And I know you enjoyed this episode because it was a really great one. It's a really good one. If you do, please go ahead and leave a review. Shout out to all of you ladies who have been leaving a review. I read every single one. I appreciate every single one of them. So if you're able to leave a review, please do. It helps us in the algorithm. And um, until next time, my love, love, a girl, bye.