Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How to Feel Ready To Date When You "Need" To Lose Weight
If weight gain has left you feeling self-conscious about dating, this episode is for you.
Whether you've gained a few pounds over the years or have struggled with body image your whole life, I’m sharing a way to feel confident and attract quality men just as you are—while also helping you reach those weight goals.
In this episode, you’ll discover why waiting to lose weight hurts you and how practicing Full-Body Visibility can change how you feel about yourself—and how others see you. I’ll share stories from clients who embraced their bodies, built amazing rotations, attracted supportive men, and even began losing weight in the process.
In 1:1 Coaching, I help you attract quality men right now, instead of waiting years for the "perfect" moment.
Work with me to confidently date without letting your weight hold you back.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
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@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. Oh, we're here again, you and me, having conversations about quality men and creating a delicious dating life that serves us at the highest level. Oh, I'm feeling really. I'm feeling really turned on today, not necessarily sexually, but I'm just lit up, really lit up in my body, and it feels so good and I'm really excited to talk about today's episode, especially because this is an experience that I personally went through and I'm going to talk about that a little bit later.
Speaker 1:But this episode is for you. If you're used to looking a certain way and you were used to look in a certain way. You were a certain size, a certain weight, but in recent years you have gained noticeable weight for whatever reason, right, whether it's stress, whether it's happy weight, whatever. You notice that you've gained noticeable weight and you don't like it. You don't like it and because of it, you're like I don't know if the men that I want will want me. I don't feel confident dating. This is for you. If you gain the COVID-15, you, if you gain the COVID-15, right, like at least the 15 pounds that a lot of us did gain when we were in lockdown and we really didn't have that much to do and ever since then you haven't been able to lose it. Like this is for you, girl. This is for you also if you've been plus size your whole entire life and you still have some insecurity around it, you still feel self-conscious about dating or you doubt the types of men that you want, are interested in you or would want you. And I have clients in all of the categories that came to me in. Like all of these different categories, different categories, and I absolutely love, love, love. Linking them to the types of men that they didn't think would be attracted to them, giving them evidence that my weight it's not a problem, it's not an issue.
Speaker 1:But we're going to talk about that a little bit later on, but before we get there, I want to shout out Harris Shee, who wrote a review on the podcast recently. She says you're my favorite podcaster. I'm writing this review before my workout and I just want to say I love this episode, mainly because I recently realized my vetting process was whack and you made me remember all my delicious moments meeting men. I've dated with good experiences, starting when I was able to connect first and ask questions later. Your clarity on spark questions is great, I get it and I see the errors of my ways, lol. Anyway, your content is great and I'm eating with your cooking lady.
Speaker 1:Thanks, girl, thank you, thank you. I'm so glad that you were able to enjoy the episode with the spark questions and, if you anyone else is listening to this and you want to know what she's talking about, I have a podcast episode about these questions to become unforgettable to men, or something like that. Go check that out. And yeah, so I would love for you, if you're listening to this episode, you want to join it. I want to invite you to also review the podcast. I read all the reviews, I love them so very much and it also helps other women find the podcast. The more you review the podcast, the more these podcast apps are pushing them to people. So thank you in advance for doing so. I would also love to invite you to one-on-one coaching, especially considering we're moving into 2025.
Speaker 1:And I really want you to think about what you've created in 2024, or what you haven't created, and ask yourself do I want to spend 2025, my love life, the amount of dates that I went on, the types of men that I attracted, the experiences that I had. Do I want to still be in the same place in 2025? Do I really want to be ignoring dating for the sake of just focusing on my career, my business? Do I really want to still think of dating as a distraction versus actually integrating dating into my life so that it serves and supports me in all areas my career, my family, my social life, all different areas? Do I want to continue trying to put all of these pieces together on my own? Like? I can do that and I have been doing that, but do I really want to continue doing that? Or do I want a quantum leap? Do I want to do in three months what has taken me three years to do? Do I want to do in six months what has taken me? Like I haven't even conceived how long it's taken me to do that? Like do I want to do that for myself? I want to invite you to one-on-one coaching and you could just simply book a link, book your sales call at the link in the show notes or go to my Instagram account and click the link there. But working with me one-on-one starts at six months and you and I will tackle the most wildest, craziest, biggest challenging obstacles that you're experiencing in your love life so that you can actually receive the desires, things that you didn't think were possible. One of the things I absolutely love on the sales calls when I get new clients is that they often you know when I tell them the plan, because what I do is I ask you a bunch of questions on the sales call, I figure out what exactly is the issue and then I prescribe a plan on what we will work on in the next six months. And so many of my clients are like okay, tara, I trust you. I just I just don't know if it's you know possible. Trust you, I just I just don't know if it's you know possible. And I absolutely love when the possibilities are right in front of their. Like they're experiencing it and I they're like I just didn't know, I didn't realize this could be me.
Speaker 1:I just recently spoke to a client. Recently she is moving into an exclusive relationship with the man We've been working together over the last few months and before we started working together, when she first came to me, she had never really dated in a healthy way and she had like an anxious attachment of where, like, a guy would like her and she would just cling on to him and just hoping things would work out, and of course that they never did. And that was like far few in between. It wasn't. She wasn't meeting men regularly. And now she's moving into like she's vetting a man for exclusivity who absolutely loves and adores her. And she told me, she said to her I've never dated in this way before, I've never dated in such a grounded, confident way, and I didn't realize that I could attract this type of love where a man is like showing up for me and not looking for anything in return, and like taking care of me in this way. And so I'm just so excited for her. But I want it, I want it to be for you too. I want you to have the same type of experience, right, that my clients are having. So, yeah, if you're interested, go ahead and book a one-on-one call with me, and so we can talk about it. Okay, anywho, let's get into today's lesson. Now we're talking about feeling.
Speaker 1:I want to talk a little bit about myself first. Many of you are you've seen me at the size that I am now like on social media. Like you see me. Um, I'm currently in like I I hover between like 165 and 168 depends on when I'm bloating, if I'm in my luteal stage, like whatever, um, or even even smaller, right. At the smallest I've been in the past few years have been 155 pounds, right, but there have been times when I have been 40 pounds, even 50 pounds heavier, and so that is a dramatic shift in my body, a dramatic change. And I have chick monk cheeks so they're already kind of like chubby by themselves at whatever weight that I'm at. So whenever I gain weight they are like I'm like a puffer fish. And if you're into like anime, dragon Ball Z specifically, ball Z specifically, I don't know if you remember when Majin Buu, the big pink thing, the villain that, um, that Goku and Vegeta had to fight together, yeah, I tend to look like that little character, but anywho, I remember leaving my marriage at 155 pounds, like I remember that, and in a whole, almost 40, I gained almost 40 pounds in just one year.
Speaker 1:It was less than a year actually, but I gained almost 40 pounds after that and I was very self-conscious about my body. I was self-conscious about the rolls that were falling out of my bras. My, my breasts were falling out of the bras. My breasts were falling out of the cups Like they were just spilling everywhere. My, you know, my back fat was all over the place and I would like turn around the mirror realizing things was fitting differently.
Speaker 1:But you know, sometimes weight just creeps up on you, like you, just with yourself every day, and you realize, wow, things are hanging over in places where they didn't hang over before. And so when you're not, you realize, wow, things are hanging over in places where they didn't hang over before. And so when you're not, you know you're. When you're looking at your body and you're realizing that you don't really too much like what you see, it's really hard to feel attractive, right, and I remember looking into the mirror, looking into full length mirrors, and not thinking these pieces of me were attractive. I felt sometimes I felt like a stuffed little piglet, right, especially gaining that much weight in a short period of time. It can be very traumatic.
Speaker 1:And I remember my son was taking his 18 year old senior photos. Right, he was turning 18 years old and he was taking those photos and I was in some of those photos. I hated all the photos that had me in it, like I was just like I had, because I looked so different, like my body looked so different and I'm like, oh my gosh Tor, like what are you going to do about this? Because you look so different? And I'm like, oh my gosh Tor, like what are you going to do about this? Because you look so different and like you're going to have to post pictures on your social media because this is your job, this is your business. And you know it's so crazy because I also had like an acne issue as well throughout the years, and my skin wasn't. My skin was like oh my gosh, debilitating. Sometimes it's looking at all of like all the bumps on my face, all the open wounds on my face, and it was crazy. But we're focusing on weight here. But you know what was so funny about all of this like me and my weight and my cystic acne is that I never stopped dating.
Speaker 1:One of the mindset trainings that I have for my clients, one of the belief systems that we work on in their belief plans so that they can actually execute, is dating is not optional. It's just not optional. And so, even though I felt a certain type of way about my body or even my skin, I never stopped dating because dating is not optional to me. Dating is a life skill there's. Dating isn't like, oh, I'm just out there to get a man. Dating is development, it's connection, it adds so much value to my life. Or I'm just out there to get a man. Dating is development, it's it's connection, um it. It adds so much value to my life, so much love in my life. It makes me a better person, it makes me a better woman. And I I absolutely.
Speaker 1:It was not, it wasn't off the table, and I had to decide that I was going to love myself enough. Even though I didn't like what I saw, even though I didn't like how I was feeling, I'm like. I have to love myself in this moment. I have to. I have to love myself, even though I am, I have doubts, even though I feel like the men that I want may not appreciate this. Look right, even though and I made sure that I was still on the dating apps, I was still connecting with men on dates and I was enjoying myself, right, so, and and I never stopped taking photos of myself right, this whole time, I continued.
Speaker 1:And on social media, some of you, you know, you can't, some of you don't necessarily recall like all of these changes, because I mean, first of all, you're not really paying attention to me that much. Right To look at all my body changes. Some of you have peeped my skin changes. You like to hear like your skin is definitely different, but as far as my weight changes, many people have not clocked that unless I show a side by side. But I never stopped taking video. I never stopped showing up for my audience. I never stopped taking video. I never stopped showing up for my audience. I never stopped going out on dates. I look back at old videos and photos of me dating because I document everything and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I was big. Oh my goodness, I was pretty big. And so I've experienced feeling like, okay, I'm over the size that I want to be. I do not feel comfortable here. I want to lose weight. But I never said I have to wait to date so I can lose weight. I need to lose weight first. I never said that I'm like I'm going to date and I'm going to lose weight in the process, and that has led to so many just again connections.
Speaker 1:I was able to, you know, have men show up for me in my business. I had a man buy me a gym membership, which has been helpful to me, actually two gym memberships, like two different gyms, and so I was thankful for that. Now that doesn't mean everything was great. Now I had one guy. He went out. He went out with me. We had one date. It was a really nice day, it was a concert date and after the date he was, you know, saying some things to me and I was letting him know like he wanted me to fit in some type of box and I wasn't allowing him to do that. So then he got mad. I guess he felt kind of rejected in a way. I don't know why he would do, but the way he lashed out, he called me overweight, you know, he took a jab at my weight, right. So everything hasn't been all hky dory of people accepting, but that didn't stop me from dating either.
Speaker 1:I'm like you chose to go out with me. Obviously, I looked good enough to go out with you, obviously, and you gave me VIP seating. Obviously, this weight, this fat that you, you know you joking on like you wanted to put this fat in VIP. So here we go. But I want to let you know, based upon my experience, and my experience with working with clients is that you ain't got to lose weight to feel confident enough to date. Like you don't have to do that. You can actually attract quality men right now and lose weight along the way. Right, if that's your goal to lose weight you can attract quality men right now, and the key to doing this is practicing what I call full body visibility.
Speaker 1:Okay, because right now you're probably worried about being judged for being your size right, as if you're a plus size woman, you're probably feeling like judged for being plus size and having standards Because for some reason, people don't think plus size and having standards Because for some reason, people don't think plus size women should have standards and men they should just take what they should get. I don't subscribe to that at all. I love helping my plus size clients become well-loved and well-adored by quality men that they don't have to settle for men that they are highly attracted to, right? So you're probably worried about being judged, or judged for your weight gain, right. So I have clients that come to me that used to be a certain size and they gain weight and they're just like that old me was better. They have some. They have a belief that the old them, the smaller them, the skinnier them was better than this weight, okay. And so you might be telling yourself like, oh, I'll feel better once I lose a few pounds, or I feel better if I lose, you know, 50 pounds and that.
Speaker 1:But that perfect version of yourself has not shown up yet, girl. You've been saying this for years and here's the thing the perfect version of what you want your body to look like it may never come. So, for example, the body that I'm in right now, I love it, but it's not the perfect version of myself that I envision. I envision a baldy body, like I envision, like I have, you know, body crushes. I am not there. And you know what? It may never come because I love bread too much and I love blue Doritos too much, right? I love cheese it's way too much, and I love blue Doritos too much, right, I love cheese it's way too much. So I'm not sure if I'm ever going to reach those body goals and that perfect version of me may never come in. That's not going to stop me.
Speaker 1:Okay, you might be avoiding full body photos. Oh my gosh, I have so many clients that come to me that I'm like why are your photos only from the collarbone up, girl? Why aren't why. I look at your social media and it's like, from one angle what's happening here, and they feel anxious about whether men will find them attractive. Right, you might be there too, not wanting to upload full body pics, not wanting to be seen in that way, and the constant self doubt that your experience holds you back and makes it hard to like. Show up fully as the juicy, attractive whole woman that you are. Okay, like I said, the perfect body you're waiting for might never come, and even if it does, let's just say it does come one day when it's just you got this perfect body and I got this perfect body. We all need to have the confidence now, regardless I don't have the perfect body I have. I have some insecurities around my body now. I had them then, but I still have built dating confidence, and that's where full body visibility comes in at.
Speaker 1:What full body visibility looks like is, instead of hiding behind like your old photos from the glory days quote unquote, glory days or instead of waiting to lose weight in order to start dating, you start taking small steps to celebrate your body as it is today, as it is now in its current form, is now in its current form Because here's the thing as long as you are not loving and supporting your body, the harder it will be to lose the weight. The weight falls off when you are loving. Okay, not critical, not judgmental when you are loving. Not critical, not judgmental when you are loving. So the loving steps that you can do to show your body like, hey, I love you, I love how you protect me, I love how you get me from my day to day. I love how you hold my organs in. I love how you support me through all the stuff that I've been through and you're still here. I love how you're allowing me to be mobile each and every day. I love how you helped me get from A to B.
Speaker 1:Is you could do something like scheduling a professional photo shoot to capture full body shots and outfits that make you feel beautiful? I love when my clients do things like this. I remember a couple of clients doing this, and one client in particular. She was like I hate showing my. I hated showing my full body. It wasn't until like, these are my first full body photos that I'm putting out there, and she had this beautiful photo shoot. She looked absolutely gorgeous and she put them on her dating profile and men were flocking towards her. She was able to build a rotation of quality men. One of the men flew her out all expenses trip paid within the first few weeks of us working together. Right, all expense paid. He even made sure she had a car sent to her on a regular basis. He put her up in a nice hotel and that was amazing. So I have quite a few clients that do professional photoshoots to kind of kickstart the love they have for their bodies.
Speaker 1:Right, and getting rid of like oh, because I'm plus size, that I have to kind of hide myself. Also, having a fun day out with a friend to help you take full body photos right For your social media profiles or your your dating profiles. I have clients do things like that too, right, we're practicing full body visibility and it's so fun when they have like this friend that is rooting for them. Cause I always tell them like, bring your biggest cheerleader right, bring someone you feel comfortable being silly with, um, that you feel like um, that it's kind of hard to be embarrassed with, and just allow her to follow you around on um on places around town maybe hotel rooftops, maybe a park right. Maybe different restaurant bars Uh, like. I have one of my favorite photos of me. If you look at my profile photo, now, a lot of I used to have it on my dating profile and men would ask me was I in Cuba? Because of the way I was dressed and the way the bar looked? And I was literally I was in St Louis, I was at a St Louis bar.
Speaker 1:So you can literally take like elements of where you're living, where you're living, and just find just interesting ways to like take photos and like have your friend take these full body photos of you. Or you could upload a video of yourself doing something that you love, like dancing, if you love to dance, or hiking, like what are the things that you absolutely love doing. And the reason why this is important is because when you are capturing yourself doing something that you love, it like permeates through the photo. Your body exudes the love, your body exudes the positive energy, and so it's going to be reflected in your photo. Less insecurity is going to be reflected in your photo, less insecurity is going to be reflected in your photo, less hiding is going to be reflected in your photo.
Speaker 1:I love looking at clients' photos when we're doing profiles and I point all the ways like. I have a recent client that I'm working with and I looked at her online dating photo because she was complaining about not getting back on the apps and meeting men. And I'm like her online dating photo because she was complaining about, like you know not, you know getting back on the apps and meeting men. And I'm like you're hiding in all of these photos. You're hiding here. I love pointing out where they're in plain view, but you can tell by certain poses, certain clothes that they're wearing, that they're actually hiding and they're not really putting their full self out there. And so I said, girl, if you don't, I told her to go take a fucking photo shoot. And a fucking photo shoot I wanted to loosen her up a bit.
Speaker 1:Fucking photo shoots are basically you just go out and you do some weird, crazy stuff and have someone take photos of you doing it. I don't care Sticking your middle finger up, sticking your tongue out, like just doing wild stuff to just loosen your body up. Finger up, sticking your tongue out, like just doing wild stuff to just loosen your body up. Get the, get the good girl out of your nervous system, get the um, get the insecurities out, like just go be ridiculous for no reason, right, um, to get her back in my she's. She's like I can tell the difference. I can tell the difference, um, wear something that makes you feel fantastic and walk around a store for no reason. Walk around Target for no reason, right, go. Walk around a nearby hotel lobby for no reason, right, just go go. For no reason, right, go go. Hang out and and in your city's downtown strip for no reason. Wear something that makes you feel fantastic and just overdress. Just go out and just enjoy yourself.
Speaker 1:You'd be surprised at how many connections that you make and how beautiful you feel about yourself just doing that. But most of the time when we're looking at our bodies and we don't feel attractive, we don't want to dress that body. We don't put in the effort to love on that body with garments, right, with accessories. We don't like to do that. But I'm telling you it's going to help reverse whatever concerns or fears you have around putting yourself out to dating. And another thing is creating a self-love ritual that you can continue to reinforce the love for your body and the confidence building by posting one full body each week for a month. Every week, you take a full body photo and you post it on your social media and you become real bold about it and you take in all the comments, the feedback and you continue to reinforce how much you love yourself. This is why you're posting your full body. I love myself enough to post my full body, even though I don't like the way my body looks. I love myself enough to dress my body in a way that is loving, because I love myself enough. We talk about self-love all the time, but this is an easy way for us to show love.
Speaker 1:Love is not just a feeling right, we're acting on it. It's about embracing who you are right now, not waiting on some future version of yourself. If you're waiting for a future version of yourself, you're not loving yourself at all. Okay, we're basically saying the future version of ourselves is worthy of love. The future version of ourselves is worthy of quality men. The woman that I am now, right now, is not worthy of that, and that's a problem. Now, I know some of the things that I've shared, like I know that they can feel scary and vulnerable. Like you know, you're putting yourself out there in a way that you haven't been before and you are concerned of. You know people putting their eyes on you, criticizing you, judging you. But when you take these steps, you will attract quality men who love you and they love your weight. They love you and they love your weight gain. They love you right, and they're not making your weight an issue. Now, as you build this new confidence, as you love on yourself and you attract these men who are loving on you, you will find it real easy to reach your weight loss goals. You will find it well, let me say you will find it easier, right, because anything that's worth having isn't necessarily easy. You will find it easier to reach your weight loss goal. So I'll give you some examples.
Speaker 1:I have a client. I had a client who felt really ashamed after gaining weight. She had a thyroid issue and so she would gain weight out of nowhere really really fast. And when she started practicing full body visibility by sharing her full body photos of herself, because she wasn't doing that on her dating profile, she was hiding in that way and she decided to upload full body photos to her dating profile and gain some confidence throughout that, because men were really showing up for her, as she showed up for herself first. Right, we have to show up for ourselves first before the men show up, and she built a rotation of quality men who wanted serious relationships with her. Plus, she lost 57 pounds along the way. So shout out to that client. I have another client she also. She gained some weight, right, and she felt embarrassed about her weight gain. But what she decided to do to practice full body visibility is she started taking pictures in bright colors, like things that would draw attention to her Dresses, that would draw attention to her Big, bright, look at me dresses, and that built her confidence enough to continue showing her body in that current form and that helped her find a. Her confidence led her to finding a committed relationship with a man who truly supported her and her daughter, and I absolutely loved when she would DM me, you know, like her experiences with these men and the blended family that she was creating for herself.
Speaker 1:And then another client that believed that quality men just didn't desire plus women in that way, right, like it was going to be a really tiny dating pool for men because she had been plus size her whole life and people had been telling her her whole life that, you know, quality men were not going to want her. But here's the thing she used to just post selfies right On her social media. She went to sharing full body shots and outfits that she loved, right, and she wasn't just posting them on her social media page, she was posting them in groups, right. She would join groups that were local to her and post her photos in there, and she started experimenting with new poses because she was like I don't know how to pose, I don't know how to do this, and like she linked up with somebody who helped her learn how to pose, and so most of the dates that she has gotten were quality men who discovered her on social media. They discovered her on social media and guess what? She lost over 60 pounds. Okay, this was after she started dating, right, Losing weight after dating, not waiting till she lost the weight.
Speaker 1:It was like I'm dating. These men are loving on me, they're taking care of me, they're treating me well. I love this, my body loved this. The weight is released because it's in a loving environment, not judged or criticized and beat up.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about children. You know, when children are, when we want children to do things, when we're critical of them and we're judgmental of them, it doesn't help them do their homework better. It doesn't help them show up to school better. It causes them to act out even more and be stubborn and rigid. Right, I'm not saying your weight as a child, but what I'm saying is it operates similarly. Things thrive in loving environments, not in judgment and criticism, and so it's going to be stubborn stubborn weight, stubborn fat.
Speaker 1:So I want you to remember that your confidence doesn't magically appear when you lose weight. It just doesn't. You can lose weight and still feel super insecure because you still have not learned to love yourself. Confidence is a muscle that you build, and you build that by showing up as who you are today. That is where true confidence come from. It comes from your thoughts about who you are today, the love that you give yourself today, and if you strengthen this muscle, you will attract quality men while also feeling better about how you look.
Speaker 1:Okay, now, in one-on-one coaching, I help you attract quality men right now, not later, not in the future. Instead of waiting years for the perfect moment. Some of you guys have been waiting years, months. You don't need to do that, girl. You can work with me to confidently date without letting your weight hold you back. Okay, and if you're interested in that. Go ahead and book a sales call to learn how we can work together. The link is in the show notes or you can hit me up on Instagram and if you enjoyed this episode, like I know you did even if you listened to this episode and you are traditionally thin, I know you got something out of this Go ahead and leave a review. Girl, leave a review on the podcast, and I'd absolutely love to read it. Right, let me know. If you enjoyed this podcast, you can slide in my DMs and let me know, and until next time, bye.