Date with Cents
Date with Cents
5 Things High Achieving Women of Faith Should Ask for Men to Serve and Support them While Dating
Does dating feel like one more thing on your already packed to-do list?
As a high-achieving woman, you have enough responsibilities without adding the stress of doing all the work in your relationships.
But what if dating could feel fun and easy again?
In this episode, I share how to shift the dynamic so men step up and support you. You’ll hear about five key areas where you can ask for help, making your life lighter while building deeper connections.
I’ll also explain how asking for support shows you the kind of effort a man is willing to make—and whether he’s ready to show up for you.
If you’re ready to stop feeling drained by dating and start attracting men who make your life easier, this episode is for you.
Join the Well-Pleased Woman Workshop HERE
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl, how you doing, lover girl, what it do. Lover girl, it's your girl, tora Sons, and yeah, I'm feeling really, really, oh, grounded and tingly and warm. I had a really amazing call with my girls. I have a call that I have on the last Sunday of the month. We couldn't do it last Sunday, so we decided to do it this Sunday and, um, my friends, they are in different parts of the world. One lives in Israel, one lives in New York, one lives in Germany and we are all like coaches that do work in the feminine space and so we've been meeting for years now. We've been meeting through people getting engaged, breakups, babies, and that was very that was such a great call. I always love talking to those ladies. It started off something I created as a business mastermind and it turned into us just doing life together. So that was great. And if you're listening to this, I am recording on a Sunday. Normally don't do that, but I am going to. If you're listening to this right now, I am currently in Tennessee and I am enjoying the company of Big Body Benz, aka Cameroon. He is the guy that I met at the party a couple months back. It's been a couple months I met him and if you want to listen to those episodes, you can go. Listen to the episode about how I added an amazing guy into my rotation and then also like my I think, yeah, it's that podcast my process for adding an amazing guy in my rotation. You can check that out and I'm going to be with him because he's been coming out to see me probably like every two weeks now. He's been booking flights coming to see me and he is. He wants exclusivity. He's like look, when are you going to promote me to be a man? I'm like, hey, I haven't even been in your natural habitat to see how you do things. I wouldn't go exclusive until I got that down. He was like, well, say less, I'm bringing you out here. So I'm going to be out there and I really just want to see how he lives and does things, and that doesn't mean I'm going to go exclusive. Then there's some other things I want to check out and some people I want him to meet. But yeah, we're going to. I'm really going to get to see more of who he is and his natural habitat. So that's going to be really fun to vet and also enjoy myself as well because he's such a sweetheart. But yeah, today's episode is going to be very, very helpful. Episode is going to be very, very helpful If you are a woman who really feels like dating is an extra chore, an extra burden.
Speaker 1:It's emotionally taxing, it's draining because you have so much on your plate already with family, friends, extracurricular activities, your career, your business. You have all these things on your plate. Thing is, you were never designed to handle them yourself. You are dating only dating men. You should only be dating men who serve and support you, and so this podcast episode is all about what you need to be asking for men as a high achieving woman of faith, so that you have an easier life, so that you feel served and supported in your life and in love. And it's an Instagram live and, of course, I'm so long winded. Guys Keep telling myself it's only going to be 20 minutes and it's always an hour plus. But it is what it is. And I also want to remind you this live is going to.
Speaker 1:It is sponsored, is promoted by my upcoming workshop, the Well-Pleased Women Workshop, on January 18th from 10 am to 2 pm, central Standard Time. There is a replay that will be available a week later. But the Well-Pleased Woman Workshop is designed for you to. It's an interactive workshop I'm not lecturing you when you come and you learn how to confidently well, first of all, stop settling for what men offer you and requiring more from the men that you date. Where you will learn how to confidently ask for what you want, even if you're scared to ask for it, and how to graciously receive, even if you feel guilty about it, and how to have, how to have men tangibly add value to your life, because we're constantly dating men and having feelings and having conversations. Like we have so much in common. We're compatible. That's why I like him and he's not adding any tangible value. To make your life easier, to make your life better Right, you're going to learn how to do that in the workshop. And then you're going to learn how to activate the generosity in men so that they show up for you in everyday assistance, emotional support, financial support, career support. You're going to hear about all of this in the live that I'm talking about. But if you, I'm going to be lecturing you on the live and giving you information, but if you want true transformation, you definitely want to be on the workshop or at least have the replay. It is an interactive session where you will be working on the call. You will be leaving the call with hands-on work and hands-on results, okay, before you even leave the call. So definitely sign up for the Well-Pleased Woman Workshop. I'm excited to have you in January, but let me go ahead and let you get to the lab, girl, because it's a lot of information. So, without further ado, here we go Back to this live and what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:If you have ever said to yourself or you've ever felt like, oh, I'm so busy, there's so much on my plate, I don't feel like dealing with dating. Dating is a distraction for me right now. Or I don't need more stress into my life. These men are stressful. Or I want dating to feel fun, not like an obligation. Or if you've ever felt like I'm always the one that's putting in all the effort, I put in all the effort. I'm contributing, I am showing up, but I feel like I'm not prioritizing return. I feel like it's pulling teeth to be prioritized. Or if you feel like men these days don't even plan dates. They don't plan to hang out with you or plan to connect with you. They're kind of like just you know doing whatever they want to do. This live is for you and if that sounds like you, put a one in the comments if you've ever felt like that before.
Speaker 1:So you have a demanding career as a high, achieving woman of faith, personal goals. You're trying to. If you're like me, you're always trying to reach some goals. Okay, you might even have some kids. You might have some kids out there. You might have a packed social calendar where you're doing all the things and the last thing you need is dating to feel like a job, because you got all this other stuff going on with family, maybe in ministry if you're active in ministry and you're always the one in your family. When it comes to your extracurricular activities, you're the one doing the planning, the effort, the emotional heavy lifting. You got kids like you are the one doing all of this and you're tired.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to dating, you tend to end up stepping in that same role. When it comes to dating and interacting with men, when it comes to setting the dates up, when it comes to being the one to provide the emotional support for the man, he gets on the phone and he just starts telling you all his problems and you're there to just caretake and help him through his pain and his struggle. You're the one that's giving him ideas on how to be better and reach his full potential. You're the one. You're the one where he can just rely on to just come through and to do favors and to execute on things.
Speaker 1:And instead of feeling like supported or valued, you feel drained, wondering why does this feel like this? And instead of what you tend to do is you're like oh, I'm ready to quit, I'm done with, I'm going to put dating down so I can focus on me. Because it feels like you're giving so much, because it feels like you're giving so much, it's exhausting. Instead of quitting, do this. Instead, men should be stepping up. You should be requiring men to step up and serve you, to make your life easier, to make dating easier, to make your career easier, to make your like. The thing is, if men are not currently doing that for you, you are not requiring it, you don't know how to do it because you're not requiring it and you're not practicing in it, or they're just not interested. But here's the thing it is not as hard as you think to attract high quality men who simply want to serve and support you.
Speaker 1:Once you get on that frequency and that wavelength and set the intention and literally have an intention that men are going to serve and support you, you will be able to do this. Ok, you're not going to. You're not going to be like the girlies in the comment section complaining about men. Don't do this anymore. Where are the men that do that? How come? I don't meet any men. You won't be them. You'll be looking at them and saying, wow, I wish you could really learn this for yourself. I really wish that you had the tools and you wouldn't be so activated in the comment section by podcast bros and you wouldn't be so activated in the comment section by podcast bros, you know, or you wouldn't be complaining on threads and going viral for complaining on threads. You would be going viral for enjoying the company of the men that are showering you with service and support.
Speaker 1:Right, I typically stay away from when I see a lot of complaining about dating because I don't want that to affect me at all. Like I like what I got going on and I want to keep creating that for myself. And you got to be very, very careful about letting what they say about bad. Bad company corrupts good morals. That's bad company to me. So today I'm going to show you five things that you need to be asking men for to support you while dating, so that it stops feeling like work, it's your life. Stop feeling like not just your love life but your life period, and this will help you. This will help you attract men who lighten your load, add value to your life and show you the kind of effort you deserve, without doing all the heavy lifting.
Speaker 1:Okay, nina, girl, I have not done my community call at 6 pm. I now do it early in the afternoons. Now, me and you got to catch up. You got to catch up. So the first thing that you need to be asking men for hands down is ask for dating support. You need to be asking men for hands down is ask for dating support. Dating support is all about making it easier for you to date them.
Speaker 1:Typically, typically, what happens is we meet a guy that we like, we're interested in, and we pretty much go along with his flow and his suggestions when it comes to dates, when it comes to where he wants to meet, because we're like, oh, the man leads. I want him to do this, and I mean I want him to plan everything out, and the problem with that is you don't get to put your desires out there, because now you're like you should leave because you're the man, but then you're not putting your desires out there. So whenever he does something or whenever he plans something, like, oh, it's, it's too far, oh, I don't, I didn't necessarily want that food, I didn't necessarily want to do it, and it makes it hard for you. You're like no, I got to dress up, I got to dress up and I want to do that. And it makes it hard for you. You're like no, I gotta dress up, I gotta dress up and I gotta do that and you don't have to do any of that. For example, all like my first dates, I prefer to go on dates where I don't have to dress up, where I don't have to. What I don't feel the need to put on makeup, that is dating support for me, for him to plan dates where I don't have to do that. I also love.
Speaker 1:I love asking men for help with transportation, especially if the date is at nighttime. I don't want to have to drive, especially if I have to try like I'm open to going where you want to go, but I like to ask for help for transportation. It makes it easier for me to date you by you providing transportation. Or, for example, I have a client that got an illness. She got ill and she could not eat certain foods and so for her she had to make special requests. These are the foods if we're going to order at restaurants. These are the only places we can eat, the types of foods that we can eat, because I really can't handle eating at these other places. Also, she had to be in bed by a certain time, by nine o'clock at night, so she wasn't accepting any evening dates, and so she explained to these guys we need to have brunch dates, we need to have breakfast dates.
Speaker 1:Same thing with me. I'm an entrepreneur, I have a very flexible schedule, but I make my schedule that's going to best fit me and I'm not going to change it for a date right. So if I'm taking, like, coaching calls all throughout the day maybe some sales calls, I'm coaching clients, I'm creating content, and I need a breakfast date because of that, because I want to focus on my content, I want to focus on being a CEO Then I need him to support me in that right. I need him to be able to book us something for breakfast, and if he's not able to do that, then more than likely we're not able to stay dating. If he's not able to do things like that, right Again, it doesn't mean that he's a bad guy. It doesn't mean that he is not a quality guy. It just means that he can't provide me the support that I need to date him. I need y'all to know the difference.
Speaker 1:It's important to let guys go when they can't support you in how you want to date. I have another client with kids, right? No, I have several clients with kids that have requested childcare. Now there are some people be like well, why would you expect a man to pay for your kids If you want to date me? It makes it easier for me to date me. I'm not entitled to your money, I'm not entitled for you to pay, but I am asking for you, if you want it to be easy for me to date you and not telling you, well, I can't this week or next week, then that is what you will provide, and my clients will come back and say I've never had a guy pay for childcare. I've never even if the guy doesn't pay for childcare, I've had guys incorporate kids in dates on park dates, zoo dates, chuck E Cheese dates. So it's not just me getting to know you, we are all together. You just bring your kids.
Speaker 1:Now I'm not going to get on the subject of going into depth about how to be safe about kids and men on a first date. We're not going to talk about that here. You need to just be smart about that, about that here. You need to just be smart about that. But that's a way he's supporting you so that you can go out and you can date and it's just easier for you to date him. I have clients with like two or three kids and sometimes it's not that easy, do I?
Speaker 1:Am I the dating coach to say, well, it's going to be hard for you to meet a quality man because you got two to three kids, or, oh well, you probably need to just wait till your kids grow up. Like, I'm never going to be the coach to do that, because I believe there's a solution to every problem and I believe there's a pot to every lid and there's a man willing to show up for you where another man won't, and that is okay. Like we need to be very, very, very okay with that. Very won't, and that is okay. Like we need to be very, very, very okay with that, very, very okay. Yes, yes, yes, thank you for noticing. So understand that you want to date men that make your life easier, not harder. So that means that you need to be asking men to provide support that would make dating them easier. So I want you to sit and I want you to think what would make dating easier to date you. Okay. If that makes sense to you, put two in the comments. If that landed with you, put two in the comments.
Speaker 1:The second thing that you need to be asking men for is emotional support. We do so, high achievers. We provide all these humans in our lives with so much emotional support. We're there for people, right. We are there to hear people's pain. We are there to help people through. We are providing solutions. We're figuring things out for people. We need to be asking men for emotional support. There is no reason why we need to be dating a man that's not providing that, and this is about a man providing support for your emotions and your feelings, whether it's a stressful day or a day of celebration. A man should be able to support you in both a stressful day or a day for celebration. You're already caring so much in your day-to-day life and you do not need to be the one handling all your own emotional work as you're continuing to date.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, for an example, that literally could be simple as something that you're, something that you're struggling with whether it's with um, whether it's with family, friends, career and you do it in a responsible way, not in a dumping way. Just say hey, like ask him, like hey, I'd love there's something going on. I'd absolutely love for you to listen to it and just help me process it. Or I just love for you to listen. I don't want any solutions. I don't want you to try to fix it. There's nothing to be fixed here. I really just want you to listen and just take me all in.
Speaker 1:Um, one of the guys that I'm dating. When we first started dating, I would share something with him and he would immediately go into fix-it mode, like, well, maybe did you think about this and what about that? Well, have you tried this? And I have to be like hey, I am not looking for a solution Whenever I'm sharing something with you. I simply want you to listen. If I want a solution for you. I will actually express it to you, but by default, I don't want any solutions, baby, I just want you to listen to me. I just want you to sit back, hear what I have to say. You can ask questions around it. You can ask clarifying questions to get clarity around it, but I do not want you to try to fix it, especially about some shit you don't know nothing about. Okay, I don't want you, you know, thinking you can handle this because I got it. I just, I just need to express it.
Speaker 1:Or there are times when I'm so emotionally overwhelmed maybe something is happening that I wasn't expecting, and my body is just so overwhelmed and then I'm so tight that I can't cry, I can't get it out. I'm like, hey, today, can you please? I would absolutely love for you to just come and just rub my back. I need you to rub my back and pat my back so that the tears can flow, because right now they're not flowing and I don't know. I don't know why they're so stuck. I just need you to to pat my back. That's what I need you to do. Um, and he's gotten so good at things where he he notices the moment I'm not present. He noticed, cause I like I used to practice it with him when I noticed he wasn't present and I would be like, hey, are you here with me, can you come back, are you here with me? And now he asked me. He's like did you leave me, are you here with me Again? So he's very cognizant of where I'm at emotionally and where I'm standing, so he's in tune because I've been asking him for that and it got.
Speaker 1:There was a time and if you listen to my podcast, you also know that there was a time where I felt like he didn't have the capacity for me emotionally and so I broke up with him and when I say broke up, we wasn't in an exclusive relationship, we again just dating. But I told him I would have to end connection with him unless he went to therapy. Therapy was important because you don't have the capacity to hold my emotions. And he went to therapy. He did his therapy thing and then he came back with the capacity to hold my emotions. And he went to therapy. He did his therapy thing and then he came back with the capacity to hold me there. So, yeah, I had to. I asked for it. It wasn't like I was expecting for him to do it. It was like, look, if you want to stay connected to me, you're going to have to go to therapy. So helping me cry, helping me process my emotions, regulate my nervous system if I'm like, completely overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:I had a client where she was having a hard day at work and she just asked a man can she just sit in his arms while she told him about her day? It was a really tough day. I had another client who had three men in her life that died in a short period of time and she asked the men in her life that she was dating. She's like, hey, instead of like expecting them to know what she wanted. She communicated and said, like hey, I'm grieving and I just really need some space. I want to keep dating you, but I need some extra space. I'm not going to be able to see you that often. And the thing is, when she expressed that the emotional support that she needed like some more needs me, time needs men were like what do you need me to do? Do you need me to send flowers to the funeral? My man bought her flights. Like all of that is important. Okay, if you guys have questions, please put it in the question box so I can answer. I don't want to distract myself from my lesson.
Speaker 1:So the men that you are dating should create space for your feelings without making it about himself. That's another thing. I remember another guy was dating. Every time I would tell him something, he would make it about himself and I was like, hey, this is about me and I'm sharing about me. And one thing I noticed is that you consistently bring it up about you and what's happening for you. That doesn't work for me. It doesn't work for me emotionally to be able to share with you and then you going on and really focusing on what you got going on. That doesn't work for me. Okay, and I only do this for amazing men. I don't do this for like men that I'm like, oh, on the first date, I know it's not going to work out. I do it for really amazing men that just need help and adjusting in how to show up for me. Okay, I don't just do that just because he don't know how to do it. I'm like, okay, he's worth the adjustment here. Put a three in the comments if that makes sense for you, if you could, if and if you're going to do it, put two in the comments. I mean three, three, three in the comments.
Speaker 1:The next thing that you should be asking men for is for passion support. Passion support is what men supporting you for the things that matter most to you. Think about what matters most to you. Maybe you? I have clients that. I have a client that's really big into fundraising and philanthropy and fundraising right. So the men that she dates need to be able to support her in that. I have women who have creative hobbies, who are planning big projects in their lives or hosting galas, things like that. Whatever you're doing. And it could be as simple as I have a client.
Speaker 1:She was working on her speaking and she asked the man. She was like, hey, can you please come to my speaking event? I would love for you to be there. And he was there supporting her. He was there and he was there supporting her. He was there and when she got off stage he was cheering her on, telling her how amazing she was doing. And it lights you up when you are dating a man that just wants to show up for you, like that For me.
Speaker 1:I do pole dancing, I'm a pole dancer and I've had men tell me like, oh, like no real man will want to support you in that you know a woman and taking her clothes off and doing blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not a stripper, I just do pole fitness and this isn't any shade to any strippers who might be on here. I'm not trying to distance myself from you, I'm just trying to clarify. I asked the men that I date to come watch my performances. I'm like hey, come watch me perform or hey, come to my pole party that I'm having at my studio. I would love for you to be there to join us. I ask for those things and it feels very supportive for them to support me in that. Also. Y'all know that one of the guys that I'm dating well, some of y'all know, some of you know One of the guys that I'm dating built my mini pole studio in my.
Speaker 1:It's supposed to be a dining room, but it a pole studio. It has my nice mirror, my full-length wall mirror. It has my pole there. He got my pole. Um, he got all my, my yoga mats, my weights, like he has all that set up in there for me. He has my led lights that were installed and that was the way he supported me. I will ask for pole shoes. If I want new shoes or accessories like knee pads, things like that, I'll ask for new grip, because you need grip to put on your hands if you're not strong enough to hold yourself on the pole, I'll request for those things.
Speaker 1:That's my passion project and the thing is, men who want to please you want to please you in your passions as well. They want to see you smile. They want to see you light up. They and I love sending videos like this is my. This is what I did in class today and they just like wow, that's awesome, that's amazing. And they love supporting me in my pole. Wow, that's awesome, that's amazing. And they love supporting me and my pope and as a guy that I'm dating now, where we are, like he's really talking about.
Speaker 1:We're really talking about like, um, if I did, if we did, exclusivity, if I, if I chose him to go exclusive with, what would that look like? And we are negotiating um, if, if we were engaged, my poll where's my poll gonna go? Like, I'm thinking about that now. I'm not trying to be your girlfriend stuck with just you and delete my whole rotation. Now we're talking about my poll. I want everything in writing. Where's's my pole going to go? You know that's important to me. I am talking about that ahead of time because I do not want to be somebody's girlfriend and then things are switched up Like no, everything's in writing. I want to talk about it now. I want to negotiate things now about my passion, because I'm really proud about my passion, and if we ever moved in together because I let them know that I would have to be engaged to you to move in and if I did move in, my pole would need a place. Okay, my pole would need a place.
Speaker 1:This will make your life easier because you will have people support. You won't have to juggle your passions alone. You won't have to juggle and fund it alone. You won't have to juggle and deal with it alone. He's actively supporting. What lights you up. Sometimes, when I don't feel like going to poll, like oh no, you need to go. You need to make sure that you go to poll because you know how excited you're going to poll like, oh no, you need to go. You need to make sure that you go to poll because you know how excited you're gonna be or how proud of yourself you're gonna be once you're done with poll and I'm like you're right, I'm gonna go. If that makes sense to you, put a five in the comment section. If that makes sense to you, put a five in the comment section.
Speaker 1:Now, the next thing you should be asking men to do or asking men for is you should be asking for career support. Career support, especially as a high achieving woman. Career support, especially as a high achieving woman. Okay, our careers whether it's a job that we have or a business, it's a big part of who we are. We went to, we went, we got years of college, right. Some of us have several degrees, right. I myself, I have four different degrees and I have a CPA license right, it's a big part of who I am, and we need men in our lives to get that. So I have five, I have four degrees, I have a multiple six-figure business. I only need to date men who are going to serve and support me in that, okay.
Speaker 1:Now here's the thing. It doesn't mean he needs to be your business partner. We don't need to do joint ventures, right, you all in the camera like Diddy. No, that, you don't need to do all that. We don't need to do a joint podcast together or anything like that you need to join me. I'm helping me. Coach my clients, like I know some people go into that joint stuff me. Coach my clients. I know some people go into that joint stuff. It won't be joint with me. It's never been joint with me.
Speaker 1:I might let you have a cameo, but this is my stuff. What it said I built this brick by brick. Name that show, name that show. I built this platform brick by brick. Snowfall, in case y'all don't know, yeah, they might make a cameo. Hey, renee, they might make a cameo, but they're not gonna be in the camera dancing like diddy, like they own this, um, but but let's let's talk about the career. This is asking him for feedback. This is connecting him with his network, connecting you with his network. This is brainstorming ideas. This is having him using his expertise right to help you do better at whatever you're doing. So for me.
Speaker 1:Y'all know I'm a content creator because this is my job. So y'all know all the men that I date have to record me. They have to take pictures of me. I need videos. If you're going on a date with me, you need to learn how to use my phone to record me. You need to learn how to airdrop appropriately. You need to learn how to capture all my great angles. That's what you need to learn how to do If you're going to date me. Every single man that I'm dating knows how to record me. I tell them exactly what to do, how to do it, how to pan in and out. They're becoming experts. They got my videos looking amazing. They got my pictures looking great because it's a requirement for you to support me in my career. They know I'm a dating coach. They know what I do. They know that.
Speaker 1:Okay. Renick said I just came back from a date and I forgot to ask for content. Thanks for the reminder. Yes, content creators ask these men for content. Can you take my picture here? Can you take my video there? And I always. I never run out of content because I always have men taking it from me. I have endless content, things I've never showed you guys that are coming. I just need time to put it out because these men are consistently taking. I got so much content this week from dates it ain't even up yet. So what can a man help you out with? This week I've had a client had men. She was in nursing. She's had men switch her from nursing to tech. She was dating men in tech, in the tech fields. That helped transition her from nursing to the tech field. They helped her do that. They helped her connect whatever she needed to connect with and helped her do that. Okay, I've had a client that wanted to learn more about real estate. This man bought her classes. This man bought her investment classes because this was going to help her career.
Speaker 1:Now, I don't want to get above your heads too much, and this is I don't want you to think well, tori, I'll never get to that point. Well, I've had men like one of the men that I'm dating pay for me to get a VA, a virtual assistant in my business that I didn't pay for. Men have invested thousands of dollars in my business. Right, again, I'm not saying y'all need to come out the gate requiring this. I'm just showing you what's possible. I'm just showing you exactly what's possible. Um, and it wasn't and I was not entitled to that. Oh, like, you need to help me fund my business. It's just that I'm only going to date men who support me in these ways and that's a way that they have been supportive of me right, with resources, with ideas, with emotional backing to tackle my goals right, because the man in your life should want to see you win. He should want to celebrate your success with you and help you reach your career goals. So what can he do?
Speaker 1:I had a banker introduce me to his brother because I was looking for capital and he was able to link me up. He sent the email, like the next day I met him at the gym. I met him at the gym and the next day he had already sent an email to his brother. So he's highly connected and he was like, hey, my brother can hook you up, right, and we was able to do that. And I wanted to also build banking relationships with my business, because I wasn't building my business credit Like it was important for me to build my business credit. He was just important for me to build my business credit. He just linked me with different people. So, again, he didn't have to come out of his pocket. He gave me access to his network. Okay, and the fifth before that, put a six in the comment section, if this makes sense. This is the last. I'm going to go to the last one and then I'm going to open up the floor for comments.
Speaker 1:The next thing, the fifth thing that you should be asking men for, as a high achieving woman of faith, is you should be asking for personal goal support. Um, this could be anything that's going to help your personal goals, your growth. Um, it could be fitness, wellness. It could be you learning a new skill uh, learning a new language. It could be, yeah, it could be learning a new hobby. It could be improving your home. Right, what are your personal goals outside of your career? So, for example, my personal goal is wellness and fitness. I'm consistently working on things with my body, trying new things out, and I'm in a place where I'm in like back on fat loss and so well, number one, I have had a guy give me pay for a gym membership for me to make sure I was able to go to the gym. Actually, two gym memberships for me, two different gyms. I'm like I want to. I want to go to this gym and that gym.
Speaker 1:Um, also, men providing me meal plans. So right now, one guy he has given me a meal plan and it is amazing, and the meal plan has again, I don't have any cravings, I'm full most of the day and I feel energetic, like before I was like getting really tired at a certain time and he gave me this new meal plan. He's like, hey, this is what you should eat at this time, this is how you should do things. And I was like, okay, I'll try it out. I tried it out. I'm so happy with it. I'm so pleased with the meal plan. It has made my life easier. I've canceled my meal prep service because of it. I used to have a meal prep service that delivered to me. I don't do that anymore because I've simplified it. It's cheaper for me now to eat and I am reaching my fat loss goals as well. All right, Y'all can see, can y'all see? I think I'm looking kind of good. Um, if you're on the podcast, don't mind me, I just stood up, um, but yeah, so he, you know, has got me on the meal plan, so that's been helpful.
Speaker 1:I was telling my friends today. I was talking on a call with my friends today and they were asking me what I was doing and I was like, oh, I'm making a steak, because all the men that I'm dating eat steak at least one time a day and I go out, I'm taken out at least once or twice a week for really nice, high grade steak, because that is their fitness plan, that is their wellness plan, that's how they get their protein and they're like, hey, we're going to get steak. I'm like, okay, I'm always good for some steak, right, but it also helps me health-wise, right? I get my protein I need. I get the amount of fat that I need. You need an appropriate amount of fat in order to stay satiated. So that's been really, really helpful for me. I have a client.
Speaker 1:Her personal goal was to really explore her sexuality, her sensuality, and she wanted to do a boudoir shoot. And, um, a man and it was six hundred dollars and a man she's dating is paying for her boudoir shoot. He sent the money she had her shoot. No, her shoot is done already. Her shoot is done. So she'll be getting the photos back very, very soon. I'm very excited to see them. But that was a personal goal. She wanted to explore, like, coming from good girl background, not, you know, wanting to show things and she had her little lingerie and she's doing boudoir. Um. I have another um girl. She is dating a guy that's teaching her Korean. She wants to learn Korean. He's teaching her Korean. So they're learning like she's learning the language through him. So these are their goals. These are things they want to do in their lives and they want to be better at Even me right? I want to be better. I have these personal goals and these men also hold me accountable.
Speaker 1:I remember being with one of my dates this past, you know, last week. I'm going to post about it. Look at my stories tomorrow or late tonight I usually like posting at midnight and you'll see my adventures with Big Body Benz but I remember his family offering me some snacks and he looked at them and he said no. He looked, they offered me some plantains. They offered me some ripe and some savory plantain chips and I was ready to go for them and he looked at them and he said no. And then he looked back at me and I was ready to go for them and he looked at them and he said no. And then he looked back at me and I was like I guess, no, I guess I'm not eating no snacks because they don't help me reach my personal goal. Okay, I'm going to listen. I'm going to listen.
Speaker 1:So, guys, this is going to I need you guys to understand that asking for support in these areas and I'm going to recall what the areas are. So make sure that you're asking for dating support, ask for emotional support, ask for passion support, ask for career support and ask for personal goal support. This isn't about being demanding like you need to do this for me because I'm a high value woman, I'm a quality woman. This is all about creating a dynamic where your desires are honored, where you feel respected, where you feel valued, especially considering that the men that you are dating are siphoning from your life force. They are partaking in your life force. That feeds them. It feeds them to be in your presence, and because I know that I don't think well, I'm obligated to give something back. I'm not obligated to that because they are feeding and thriving off of being in my presence. People say you know, oh, she need to be my peace. I don't focus on being a man's peace. I will help you.
Speaker 1:You in my presence, you're going to be more creative. You're going to be more innovative. You're going to be more critical thinking. You are going to make more money, right? Every man that dates me make more money, right? You are going to feel like you've never felt in your life when you're with me.
Speaker 1:You're going to be like is this the second? You're going to be like? Is this like the second chapter of my life, like I never knew life could be this good? That is what happens when you date me and that is worth more than anything in this world to realize that your potential to be happy. You had no idea of the potential that you could have to be happy, all right. And you, ladies, have the same. You're able to do the same thing. This is not just me. This is just me, recognizing what my God given gift is. All of us have this feminine gift. All of us have it right. We just need to tap into it and pay attention to it and tend to it like a garden, okay.
Speaker 1:And when you do this, you're going to attract men who are ready to show up for you in meaningful ways and you're going to save yourself time by weeding out the ones who aren't, which is why I'm never concerned about a man love bombing me ever, because he's going to bomb me with support. If you're going to bomb me with love, love bombing, you're going to bomb me with support. You're going to bomb me with service. I don't have a problem with you love bombing me, right. So what kind of support do you want right now what's important for you. Drop it in the comment section. Drop it in the comment section, for sure, and then put your. Put your questions in the question box. I'm going to answer.
Speaker 1:Bernice says that's so good. I only date men who value womanhood. Yeah, absolutely Absolutely. Now, guys, this live I'm going to be hosting a workshop Well-Pleased Women Workshop. January 18th, january 18th, from 10 am to 2 pm. It's a live, interactive workshop and in this workshop I am going to be showing you how to stop settling for what men offer you and how to always get what you want, no matter who you're dating. How to ask men for what you want confidently, even if you're nervous, and then how to graciously receive it, even if you feel guilty and obligated to give something back. How to make sure the men that you date add tangible value to your life. And then how to activate the generosity in men who are ready to invest their time, energy and money to make your life easier.
Speaker 1:If you're interested in joining me for this workshop, it's $197. And type desire in the comment section. $197 and type desire in the comment section. Type desire in the comment section and you will receive a link to join me for the workshop to register for the workshop. Again, it's January 18th and I would love to see you there. It is. My workshops are very different because we it's I'm not lecturing you it's real life interaction, it's real life applying and by the end of the call you could potentially have the workshop paid for. Okay, because we do real life work in the workshop. You will be doing some work that is going to benefit you in your love life. All right On the call. All right, let me answer some questions. Let me answer questions.
Speaker 1:Someone says, tora, when you've asked for an Uber to a date, if a man said no, did you still go or stop talking to him? I stopped talking to him. Put your questions in the question box if you want them answered. I put them in. I stopped talking to him. I've told the stories over and over again and you might be new here, but there was a guy who wanted me to go out at 9 pm for a movie. I asked him to send me a car. He asked me do I not drive? I said I do drive, but I don't feel comfortable going out at night that late to a movie and I would like for him to provide transportation. He was like I don't have the app and I said, well, you can download it. And then he was like he doesn't have space on his phone. I said you know what? We're not a match. Best of luck that. Two excuses, no, that's enough for me. So I stopped talking to him.
Speaker 1:The standard is, you know, if I'm telling you I don't feel safe, then either recommend something else or leave me alone. Someone said just recently had a guy asked me to be his date to a wedding. What would this combo look like? If he needs to set if needs to set boundaries about sleeping arrangement, he has already offered to pay for flight and dress without asking or saying anything. Ask him if he can also cover the room. If you need a room, yeah, ask him. The conversation would say hey, I know we haven't talked about sleeping arrangements, but I would feel safe and comfortable if I had my own room. What are your thoughts?
Speaker 1:Someone said someone said pay for your own ride. Well, the thing is, I don't have to. I don't have to. I know you're upset that I don't have to. I know it bothers you, which is why you're faceless and trying to troll women on this live. You, bitches, are asking for too much Dirty bitches. How dare you ask a man for his hard-earned money? I think another thing with this is when you're asking a man with coins for things. When you're asking a man with coins for things, it isn't as hard from a man who really can't afford it. So it feels rough. A $36 Uber ride feels constricting, it feels like air supply is running out. It feels like he might not be able to pay his rent if he funded it. So I understand, I understand why you feel that way, but it's okay because I'm not available for you to date, so you'll never have to worry about a woman like me. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
Speaker 1:Someone says for career support, do you advise giving that to the men that you date? How do you set boundary? I think what you're saying is do you advise giving men's career support? Yeah, but it's different, right? We like biologically, we're different Men it doesn't help.
Speaker 1:So, for men for career support I'm sitting and listening to him. If he's like oh yeah, I, you know my business like like one of the guys that I'm dating, he owns a trucking company and he's telling me about, you know, the car accident, I mean the truck, one of his trucks, one of the drivers just ran into a car and now they have a million dollar policy that they have to pay out. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not giving solutions, I'm listening. I'm like, oh, that's so hard, baby. That sounds so rough. What do you plan to do about that? Like you're so smart, like I know you're going to figure it out, that sounds really rough. So it's really rough. That's how I support make him feel heard and seen. I don't judge. I don't judge the words that are coming out of his mouth. I'm like, oh, that sounds so rough. And then I follow up and say, hey, how did it go? Like last week you said that there's this accident that happened. I know you took care of it. That's the kind of man that you are. It's like, yeah, I did take care of it, this is what I did, and I did that. And I'm like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about Handling business. See, that's the kind of man that's not concerned about paying for Ubers. He's not worried about paying for rides. It's not an issue for him. He owns the ride company.
Speaker 1:Someone says I don't want to say, give him some grace. No, my foot, my foot, going to be on his neck this whole life Long, as he here. Someone said at one point, can a lady start asking for the support? Ask it whenever it's, ask it whenever you're ready to ask for it. I, especially if a man is saying oh my gosh, I think you're so amazing, I want, I think, I want to be with you.
Speaker 1:You're the kind of girl like a lot of guys get really excited about me, right? Um, that doesn't mean they're excited about who I am. They just love the way they feel when they're with me. It's not the same thing as they really like who I am Two different things. And so I. And so I'll be like okay, I will go ahead with my big request at that time. If that's how you're going, you want to take me off the market real fast. I get my request out real quick.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing you should always be asking for something. It doesn't mean that it needs to be big or it needs to be money. You should always be requesting for some kind of support. Well, can you like? This would be easier if you did this for me. This would be easy if we did that. Right, asking for the bounce ideas. Like there's never, like you can just ask that whenever. But again. That's why I'm not nervous about men love bombing me. I don't have a problem with men love bombing me at all, because you're going to bomb me with service and support. He says being a wife and having children is hard work. Only for the real. I've already been and done that. I've been a wife, I've had children. I'm done. I'm done with that stage. I had a great time. It was amazing.
Speaker 1:Someone says how to ask for additional emotional support and validation in a make or break season in his career. Don't want to get in the way of his focus, but feeling insecure without the emotional support I received from him? Okay, so I need y'all to understand Emotional support is not the same thing as you needing a man to pay you attention. This is what this seems like. You're not looking for emotional support, you're looking for a man to pay you some attention. That is not what I'm advocating for.
Speaker 1:Okay, I want a man to do what's best for him. I want a man that's going to. I want a man to do what's best for him in the period of time that he's in, and if that means that he, that means that he can't pay me a certain amount of attention for a period of time because he's handling some things. I'm going to fully support him in that. I'm not going to need him to give me attention. That's not the same thing. My emotional support is around me, living my day-to-day life. It's not because he's not giving me something that I'm looking for to feel better about my life. It's because my nervous system maybe have been dysregulated because of what has come up while I've been living my life. It's because my nervous system maybe have been dysregulated because of what has come up while I've been living my life, but not because he's not paying me attention.
Speaker 1:I need y'all to understand the difference. I am not advocating for you guys looking and needing attention from a man and calling it emotional support in this context. Now, if you guys were engaged or married to this guy, we would be having a different conversation, but you're not. It would be a different conversation. If you were completely off the market, we would have a different conversation, but that's not the case. This is you guys putting all your eggs in one basket and then doing it prematurely and expecting for a man to validate you. I am not advocating that. Someone says what is dating support? Dating support is support that makes dating easier for you. If you like a more in-depth definition, please watch the live over from the beginning.
Speaker 1:Someone says how can I practice making requests? If I'm occasionally apprehensive Practice? I think you guys are trying to skip over the fear part. You do it scared. You guys are trying to feel unscared. You do it scared, but that you just practice. You just ask the request. You just ask for what you want. You ask for things. Here's an easy way for you to do it.
Speaker 1:If a man wants to do something, date or do something, however, and you start feeling either annoyed or frustrated or bothered, for whatever reason, you need to make a request. If there's something about you. A man asked me for photos. Best believe I'm making a request, he making requests. We are request territory. You want photos, let's make some requests. So that's what I would do. I would look for all the ways that I'm frustrated, annoyed, bothered, and then see where I'm missing something and what requests do I need to make so that this can be cleaned up. I need to make so that this can be cleaned up. Also, y'all should just join my workshop that I'm hosting in January, january 18th Type desire. In the comment section You'll get a link. It's $197. You should definitely be there. Someone says again put your questions in the question box if you want them answered.
Speaker 1:Someone says how to make a man more inspired to put in more effort into communication in long distance. Now this one sounds like a easy answer, but it's not. Mainly because I don't know what the status of you guys are. I don't know what the expectations or agreements you guys have. I don't know if y'all are in an exclusive relationship or you want an exclusive relationship. My answer would vary based upon all those things. Because if you are not in a relationship and it's just long distance, making a man be inspired sounds like no. If you're wanting him to contact you every day, sounds like no Doesn't mean that you should. That doesn't mean that you can't talk every day. I talk to one guy every single day, but that's not my expectation. He's distance, right. I say no one month into dating y'all not exclusive. Yeah, at this point I don't know what his communication style is, but it really just depends. It really just depends. It's not an easy answer because I need more information. It sounds like more like a coaching question, like I would need to know what's really happening with you guys, because on one hand, I can say there's nothing wrong with his communication, based upon what I see. And two, I'm like, oh, this man don't even like you. I don't know that, I don't want to be irresponsible to say because I don't know, but I will say if you want men to be inspired, to always want to talk to you, whether they talk to you or not, is to really bring a unique experience that he's not really getting anywhere else. I'm not going to go into that on this live. You guys can definitely come to my workshop because I can be here all day, but I also have a full training that I teach my clients on how to do it. But that's just not out of the scope of this workshop. I mean out of the scope of this live.
Speaker 1:Someone says how do you counter a photo request from a guy when you have made it out of the online dating message box and I've had face call? It confuses me as to why they do this when they just see me live. I don't get confused about that. They want to see me. They want to see me in their phones. They want to see me in different angles. They want to see me in different poses. They want to see me. I'm not confused about that, right. I don't know why you guys are confused about it. He wants to see you multiple ways.
Speaker 1:I think we want men to be like women. We don't need them to be like us. Logically, to us that doesn't make any sense. But we're not men and obviously it's a man thing because they are the constant ones doing it. But a photo request, first of all. I don't mind sending a photo, especially if a guy wants me to save him as a contact, right? You know I don't mind doing that at all. So I would ask myself like, what are we trying to counter? First, right. But two, if he asked me for another photo, I let him know like hey, you ain't subscribed to the first date, subscription Like we haven't even had our first date yet. I'm not. I'm only available to give the next phase of photos to men who take me out on dates. I'm not going to be giving you photos of me and we ain't been on dates, because right now I'll send all my photos to all the guys I'm dating. I don't care. I'm like I look beautiful. I want you to see me. I know you see me all the time, but I just want to see you. I want you to see me as a photo. But they put in the effort, right, but I wouldn't be sending my photos, a bunch of photos, to a man that he ain't even take me out of date, like, nah, we're not going to do that. Not doing it, okay, good, I'm glad that was helpful.
Speaker 1:Someone says what if you don't need anything? Your life, work, is peaceful and you know how to regulate and process emotions, you engage in mostly free hobbies and you already asked for the dates. You want to go on. Hey, if you don't need anything you don't need, you don't need any advice from me. But here's the thing Even though I might not need something, I always want something.
Speaker 1:I'm not a woman who focuses on I don't need it, I focus on my pleasure. What do I desire? I could have paid for my own pole studio. I didn't want to do it. Why pay for my pole studio if he could do it for me, right? If I don't want to cook breakfast, I want you to make me breakfast. I don't need it. I'm not on this trip of I could do all this stuff by myself. I know I can. I want more. I want more money in my account. So I don't really focus on do I need anything? I focus on what I desire. What do I want? What would put a smile on my face if I had it? I don't need flowers, but I want them. I want them.
Speaker 1:So I ask for things. I don't need all the time. I want them. I could pay for my own gym membership, but why? If I don't have to, why would I do that? So again, if you don't need anything, that's fine. You could do everything by yourself and you can be okay with that. There's nothing wrong with that. I just work.
Speaker 1:I am a woman and I work with a lot of women who have, who are tired of doing things by themselves. They're tired of being the one always handling things and they want to make their life really easier. You even see celebrities asking for things that they could easily pay for. You know they ask for free things all the time that they could easily pay for, because it's like, if you're going to do it for me, why should I do it? So that's the answer. That's my answer. And the thing is, even if you're good at regulating and processing, co-regulation can be such a beautiful experience for a man holding you and you feeling safe enough in his arms to just release in a way, versus you being alone in your house doing it. I would rather be in a man's arms crying my eyes out than being alone on my couch crying my eyes out. But that's just me. That's just me.
Speaker 1:Someone says what are your thoughts on what support you would recommend requesting for and providing in a relationship with the man who was recently unemployed and looking for work? I don't know. It depends on what you want. It depends on what you want. What do you want? I don't want y'all just asking for things just because y'all asking, but all the things that I cause I've already shared with you. Hey, kathleen, hey, my love. I've already shared with you on what to ask for, like the types of things to ask for, like what do you specifically want from him as a man who's unemployed? Right, that's your specific situation that you need to get clarity on, on what he's even capable of doing at this time.
Speaker 1:I've dated a man who was unemployed. He was unemployed in a different way. He had a lot of resources even being unemployed. So therefore, unemployed ain't necessarily don't mean that I ain't got no money, don't mean that I ain't got no time and no energy. So my advice to you would be to find out what is the capacity in this unemployment. Because I'm not assuming, because a man is unemployed, that he don't got resources. Especially when you're dating men who are very resourceful and they have lots of money saved up, they have portfolios them being unemployed don't mean nothing. So I would get clear on like what does that mean? Because unemployment don't mean nothing to me and I also believe in dating a man. I told a man the other day I was like I only date men who know how to make money, even if they didn't have a job. You always need to be able to have money even without a job. You need to be able to cultivate resources even if you don't have a job. Oh, she says, I'm sorry, financial support yeah, it just. It literally just depends on his ability.
Speaker 1:Someone says how do you know a man's capacity support without asking directly what's there in the bank? You ask them for what you want. If a man asked me recently what I wanted to do for my birthday and I said I wanted to go on a trip, if he can't take me on a trip for financial reasons, then he don't got it. He don't have the capacity. That's that when I ask for what, I'm not trying to figure out what's in his bank account to determine what I can ask. I determine what I want to ask and then see if he can do it. But here's the thing y'all I don't want y'all focusing only on financial support. If these men can provide services, support and all these other different ways, if you know the man that you're dating don't have the financial resources, why will we be asking him for financial support? That doesn't make sense to me. If you're already dating this man, now, if you're just dating this man and you find this out, you have like, you can be like, yeah, I'm just requesting this and seeing how he shows up. But all right, guys, please come to my well please? Woman workshop. That was the last question I got. Please come to the well please woman workshop. Saturday, january 18th, from 10 am to 2 pm. There will be a replay. It's an interactive workshop where you will be doing this stuff real time and you'll be able to leave the call, being able to ask for things right on the call. All right, I love this exercise. I love what women do Put desire in the comment section if you'd like to join the workshop.
Speaker 1:This is going on the podcast so you'll be able to listen to it if you didn't get a chance to listen to it, and I will talk to you guys later. I love you All. Right, girl, that wraps up our episode and I really want you to take out some time to think about what support do you desire the most right now, the support that you want the most right now. What could really make your life easier? I know all of it sounds good, but just think about one thing and go after it. And again, if you would like support around doing this and making this a regular part of your lifestyle, definitely come to the Well Please Women workshop. The link will be in the show notes for you to go.
Speaker 1:Would like support around doing this and making this a regular part of your lifestyle? Definitely come to the Well Please Women workshop. The link will be in the show notes for you to go ahead and enroll. It's $197 and trust and believe it's worth every penny and more. There have been plenty of women who have come to the workshop and have gotten their investment back either during the workshop or within the week of the workshop. Okay, so definitely want you there during the workshop or within the week of the workshop. Okay, so definitely want you there. And if you enjoyed this live this podcast episode, go ahead and leave me a review. I love reading all the reviews. I read every single one, so it would mean a lot for you to post it, because it helps us gain traction in the algorithm for other ladies who are looking for this information, who need this information to find us. So all right until next time, queen Bye.