Date with Cents
Date with Cents
DWC REWIND: Teaching Men How to Win With You
I want to invite you to come on a journey with me to the land of fulfilled desires.
Here the women are satisfied, excited and extremely pleased by the men they are dating.
These men show up ready to serve these women and putting big smiles on their faces.
Sounds unrealistic?
Think again.
It may sound far-fetched, but it’s easier than you think to live this kind of life and be loved in this kind of way.
All you have to do is Teach Men How to Win with You
In today’s episode, I share a perspective on why teaching men to win with you is so important if you want to have the best experiences with the best men.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER: .
- What does it mean to teach men to win with you and practical guidance on how to do this
- How to get the phone calls and dates that you want…when you want them.
- The key to communicating to men your desires AND your boundaries so that they show up for you.
- One of the biggest mistakes women make that causes them to lose out on fun dating experiences with men.
- 3 things you have to stop doing in order to be successfully pleased by men.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
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Hello Queen, welcome back to the podcast. It's another day, another time that we connect in this amazing space that we have, which is the Date With Sense podcast. Shout out to Tora. But guess what girl? I have exciting news. This is the 12th episode that I have posted on this podcast. Like I am just blown away by the fact that we well, we came up with this idea for me to have this podcast last year. We launched it last what February and we've been so consistent in getting these episodes out every Thursday. So I am just so excited about the fact that we have 12 episodes out and I'm also excited for the reviews that we have. We have what? 330 reviews that have been left on the podcast since March, february yeah, since February and I love reading them so much. I love going and sliding through on every other day like reading through them, and I think I want to start reading some of them out loud on the podcast.
Speaker 1:Today. I want to shout out to VC11. Her review reads life-changing. Torah is a blessing. Her words are truly life-changing. Since listening to her, I have completely changed my mindset, which has allowed me to live abundantly, and I've also noticed the caliber of men I meet has started to change. This podcast is amazing. Single ladies tap and absolutely love reading that one. So shout out to UVC. And if this podcast has been a blessing to you not just share it with a friend please write a review a five-star review preferably and get us up in the algorithm so more queens can find us on the internet. That would be awesome. But yes, let's go ahead and get into day session.
Speaker 1:So if you're in my clubhouse rooms especially especially if you're in them on Fridays it is a good chance that you know my good friend Catherine. And if you don't know her, she is a coach in the feminine space who is in service to feminine self-expression, energetics and stabilization, and energetics and stabilization. And if all of that sounds like gobbledygook to your ears, she's basically someone who can help you get what you desire, right From the boardroom to the bedroom, whatever you want. And not only is she a really, really good friend of mine, but I actually just hired her this year as my personal coach, as I am looking for some specific transformations that require a different level that I have not been before. So she's so amazing and I'm happy for that.
Speaker 1:But anywho, the first time I invited her to speak to the cuff links in C2C my clients. There she addressed a client who was really frustrated with a man she was dating because he really wasn't showing up the way she wanted him to. And so, basically, this queen wasn't getting what she was wanting. She had a lot of complaints about how this man was choosing to pursue her, yet she had had not one conversation with this man about it. She was doing a lot of complaining, but she had had not one conversation with this man about her complaints. And so, while Catherine was in my container coaching her, she let her know that you know, hey, girl, you're like, you're not setting the stage to get what you want.
Speaker 1:And Catherine used the expression she says you need to teach men how to win with you. And when I heard that I was like girl, yes, I loved that expression, absolutely love that expression, because it describes perfectly what I've been trying to communicate to women all of these years in one phrase, and I've been using the phrase ever since and I'm going to be using it to teach the concept in this podcast. So, teaching men how to win with you, what does that mean? What does that mean? It simply means informing men on how to succeed in pleasing you. Okay, we're basically giving men the playbook to what lights us up, what gets us excited, what puts a smile on our faces, what our preferences are when we are dating. And then we're also letting these men know what our boundaries are and what our standards are while we're dating.
Speaker 1:And this is not to be confused with telling a man who he needs to be in order for him to be with us. Like so, for example, this usually comes up when a man says or asks like hey, what kind of man are you looking for? Right, that's a normal question that men tend to ask, and one of the things that I teach is look, just because a man asks you that question doesn't mean you need to spill and give him everything he needs to know. We don't give him the script just so he can play the role, okay. So this is not to be confused with that concept. In telling a man who he needs to be, the character traits he needs to have to be your man, teaching men how to win with you is simply allowing a man to show up for you. That's it, right. It doesn't enable men to put on a show about who he is. Okay, that's the difference.
Speaker 1:So back to the point the masculine loves to win girl. It loves to achieve, it loves to succeed and accomplish things. So men love to win, and it's a great accomplishment when they are able to successfully please a woman. And when they don't feel like they are winning with you, when they don't feel like they are pleasing you, or if he's finding it difficult, like it's such a struggle to succeed in pleasing you, this man will stop dating you, he'll stop entertaining you, he'll stop pursuing you. It is not their jobs as men to read our minds, to discover what pleases us. As a grown woman, it is our job to communicate what pleases us. Okay, so today I'm going to give you some guidance on how you Queen, how you can teach men how to win with you, so that you can have a better connection with them and so that they are able to show up for you in a way that brings you joy and peace. Okay, so the first piece of guidance if you want to teach men how to win with you, you're going to need to start expressing your true desires. As I've said before, men are not mind readers. We need to be able to express to men what we truly desire.
Speaker 1:So if you desire to move off the app, if you're on a dating app and you are, you know, matching with guys and you're having great conversations and you would love to move off the app with a particular guy and exchange numbers, the moment you decide that it is your desire to do this, let this man know. Let him know. Please stop frustrating yourself and getting annoyed with the man by waiting around for days or for weeks, which is what a lot of women do. Please stop frustrating yourself and getting annoyed with the man by waiting around for days or for weeks, which is what a lot of women do. We get to this point where we like this guy off the app and we really want to move off, and then we stay there for two to three weeks and we're like why isn't he asking me out? The conversation isn't moving anywhere, so you're annoyed because you can't state your simple desire. It is as simple as hey. I've been enjoying our conversation so far and I would love to move off the app to connect with you over the phone. Simple, it's simply stating your desire and allowing him space to fulfill it. If you desire phone calls, let him know, instead of being annoyed by all of his incoming text. Again, that's another problem of allowing men to text us to death, knowing we desire phone calls, and then we get upset and we get frustrated and we get drained. It's as simple as I enjoy getting your text, but I'm a woman who prefers phone calls. It's an easy way to put a smile on my face. Again, let him know that is your desire and allow him the opportunity to fulfill this desire. And allow him the opportunity to fulfill this desire.
Speaker 1:If you desire to go on a date, state the desire instead of throwing hints right, throwing passive, aggressive hints and waiting to be asked. It's as simple as if he asks you what you're doing this weekend, instead of responding what you're doing like, for example, like oh, I'm running errands, I'm going to go to my parents, I'm going to do this and that, use it as an opportunity to invite him to ask you on a date. It is as simple as well. I would have been going on a date with you, but you have not asked me yet. Okay, I would love for you to ask me on a date, your desire.
Speaker 1:If you've been dating a guy for a while and you desire to see him more than twice a month, then say that If you like to be celebrated on your birthday by this guy, say that, and I know that you know we're in this. We've been conditioned to believe that. Oh no, like he should know these things. No, these men are waiting for opportunities. They are dating several different women, or they've had experience, at least, dating several different women that want different things. Some women don't want to get off the app as fast as other women.
Speaker 1:How will this man know? Some women want to talk on the phone for a few days, or maybe a couple of weeks, before they go out on a date. How will this man know? You don't let him know. Some women prefer to text and not have phone calls. How will this man know? So, instead of creating this expectation, this entitled expectation based upon what you think this man should know about you, even though you are one in billions of women, explain to him what you desire, because if a man has to mind read for every woman he dates, he's going to go insane. The woman that is able to express her desires is the woman who is going to be very easy and very joyous to pursue.
Speaker 1:Ok, because we're not playing these dumbass little girl games. You know where we're sitting around and hoping and wishing and praying that men do all the things that we have swirling around in our head for him right, that he does not know. Stop dropping hints. Express your desires. Close mouths Rarely get fed, which is why so many women are starving. They're starving for attention, they're starving for the phone calls, they want the dates, they want the interactions, they want the love that they want. It is as simple as stating your desires.
Speaker 1:The second piece of advice I would like to share with you, if you desire to teach men to win with you, is not only express your desires. You need to be super, super clear in your expressions of your desires, okay. So, for example, I remember a queen came up to the stage on Clubhouse one day and she got on stage and she's like Tara. Yesterday I matched with a guy right and I told the guy that I matched with to call me right, we're having good conversation and I was ready to move off the app and I told him to call me and he still hasn't called and I said, okay, all right, read me the messages that you sent him Now, y'all.
Speaker 1:She definitely was not lying. She did tell him to call her, all right. The issue is not the fact that she told him to call her. She wasn't clear. Here's what she said to him. She says call me when you're free. Now, that sounds obvious to so many women that we want you to call today or now, but, truth be told, it's not obvious. She said call when you're free. She told this man to call when he's free, and that can be any time he is free. And when she told him this, she actually was expecting him to call her later that evening. She thought, because she said it the way she said it and how she said it, that he should have known what she meant.
Speaker 1:No, be clear about what your desires are. When you desire men to call you, be clear about exactly what that desire is. So, instead of just call me whenever, if you don't really just want him to call you whenever, right, because that can be one o'clock in the morning, that could be five months from now. If you really don't mean that, or you don't really mean, oh, call me when you can, right, because if this man has some stuff going on and he really wants to work on it, then he's probably going to put that first, especially like if you guys just started dating and again going back to quality men and them having a mission. That's going to be his priority, not really you and you're like, call me when you can. So instead of saying that you can say, hey, I'd love to hop on the phone with you to hear your voice. I have some time to chat tonight at seven. Are you available to call? Then? And again you can see if he's available. He could either say, hey, no, I'm not available. I got this thing I'm working on. We're gonna have to schedule another time. Or he could be like sure, sure, I'm available to chat tonight at seven. And there you have an expectation because you have an agreement to meet and it's clear. So if you don't hear from him at seven, you have some data to go by. There's some data for you to look at and say, okay, he has not called at seven, even after he agreed upon, and you can use that data to do whatever you need to do with it.
Speaker 1:Okay, if men want to go out on a date and they're asking you, hey, can I take you out tomorrow? If you respond, oh, no, no, not tomorrow, I have to work late. It's not clear about what you truly desire. You're responding to him and you're letting him know that you're not available, but you're not clear about what you desire. You actually do desire to have a date with this man, right? What normally happens if I hear women saying that, oh, you know, we still haven't gone on a date yet. But after listening to them talk and sharing text messages, I will realize very quickly that the man has tried, and yet they want the man to keep asking. So when he says, hey, can I take you out tomorrow? And they're like, oh, I'm not available tomorrow, I have to work late. They want the man to keep asking, which makes no sense. Again, it's not teaching men how to actually win, it's making it a difficult situation for him, and it doesn't have to be that difficult. So instead of replying, oh, not tomorrow, I have to work late, be clear about your desire and provide a counter offer so you can say, well, I can't do tomorrow, but I can do Friday or Saturday after five, I'm available to go out with you at any of those times. Clear, and this way he's clear on how to plan, instead of going back and forth with you trying to dig the availability up out of you. All right, no one wants to feel like they're pulling teeth and no man wants to feel that. It's very difficult to win with you.
Speaker 1:Okay, again, if a man invites you to go on a date that doesn't light you up or it doesn't feel true to who you are as a woman, be clear with your desires. So, for example, if a man wants to go for a walk in the park for a first date, or maybe he wants to meet at the gym for a first date and like you're not really feeling it, now, I'm not saying anything is wrong with these dates. You know it's personal preference, right? Instead of responding, I don't want to do that because it's not helpful. Or, oh no, I want to go on a real date. That's not helpful because, first of all, a real date isn't about the activity. If you've been following me for a while, you know that right, it's about the connection. So a walk in the park or a gym date can be a quote, unquote real date if you are there to connect.
Speaker 1:So if this isn't your cup of tea, right, it's just not your preference for a first date cup of tea, right, it's just not your preference for a first date. You're going to have to be clear about what you want and you can be clear and say you know, I'd love to take a walk in the park for our second or third date before our first date. It would make me very happy if we could enjoy some wine and some cheesecake at the new dessert place uptown. Very clear of what you're not available for right now and very clear about what you are available for. Do you see the difference it can be to make things clear when you're expressing your desires to men. It makes a world of difference and it opens the door for more opportunity to have your desires met. So we just covered, like what you're unavailable for right.
Speaker 1:The third piece of guidance I have for you when it comes to teaching men to win with you is to communicate always what you're unavailable for. You're unavailable for. One small, overlooked way that we teach men to win with us is to let him know what we not finna do. All right, and the things that we are not finna do is engage in things that cross our own personal boundaries or do not align with our own personal standards or core values and, contrary to popular belief that quote unquote a real man should know this already. You need to communicate to men what you are unavailable for, because, once again, my love, men are not mind readers. So, for example, when men get too touchy feely for you on the first date, this needs to be communicated that you're unavailable for it.
Speaker 1:If you are unavailable for it, a lot of times we won't say anything and we'll like just inch away and move our shoulders away from him and just allow it to kind of subtly keep happening because we don't want to cause conflict or rock the boat during the night and then after the date we start complaining about it. Later we might tell our friends, instead of doing all of that, let him know that you're unavailable for that, because too many of us are assuming that a man knows that's quote unquote inappropriate, all right. And so they assume the worst of a man Instead of owning their desires. So many women will just rush out and just blame men and demonize men for not speaking up for themselves All right, inappropriate. It feels different. Up for themselves, all right, inappropriate. It feels different to different people, all right. And so some women might love to be touchy feely on the first date, right. While others other women don't.
Speaker 1:There, I have known women to have complained about a man touching them on the first date. Like putting his arm around them on the first date, like putting his arm around her on the first date but then on another day, have sex on the first date. It's two different men, right? So it really wasn't about her thinking that it was inappropriate. I mean, she really wasn't feeling him right? So inappropriate is subjective to the person, and so you need to be clear that you're unavailable for this with the man.
Speaker 1:I remember there was a queen who came to the stage on Clubhouse one day and she was like Tora, like this man, he just kept putting his you know his hand on my lap and I hated it, I didn't like it and I was like OK. So what did he say? When you told him you don't want him, you're not available for him to put his hands on your lap, she said oh, I didn't say anything. And I said you didn't say anything and yet you're complaining about it and you're talking about how inappropriate it is, when this man might have not even known that because you allowed it right, this is a perfect opportunity to speak up. Teach the man how to win with you. Just because a man is touchy-feely doesn't make him less than a quality man. Now, if you communicate to him and say, hey, you know, in the future this would feel great, but right now I don't feel comfortable with us touching in this way. I don't feel comfortable with your hand on my lap at this time and he still continues to do it, then we have a problem. But if we're not opening up our mouths, that's our personal problem, okay. Also, when men show up late to dates without a heads up, without an explanation, instead of letting it slide and just being frustrated and resenting it, complaining about it later, let him know your desire. You are not available for it if that's the case, right?
Speaker 1:I remember, for those of you who know Coach Roshanda in the C2C program. She went through C2C at the beginning of the pandemic and when she was going through the program she shared a win with me and she, because there was a point in time when she did not know how to ask for what she want and state her desires. But there was an point in time when she did not know how to ask for what she want and state her desires. But there was an opportunity for her to do this when a man she really liked on a date. He showed up late and he didn't really have a good reason for why he showed up late no really good explanation and she mentioned that in the past she would have, just, you know, been frustrated with it and she wouldn't have wanted to deal with it and she wouldn't have spoken up for herself. But this time she said to him. She said you know what? You know, one of the things I really value in a man is him being prompt. You know that that's what I really value in a man, and I noticed that you were like 30 minutes late, you and a man, and I noticed that you were like 30 minutes late and I just wanted to let you know that I would. I value promptness and I would love for you to be on time for our next date. She said he never did that again, right, but she was able to express her desire.
Speaker 1:Instead of avoiding the conversation also, when it comes to men wanting you to visit them at their homes and you're not ready for it, you know, you're just not ready for it Instead of thinking, oh my gosh, how inappropriate this is, he must just want sex, right? Or instead of responding fake like oh, I can't come because some fake excuse. So a lot of times we don't like to address the fact that we feel uncomfortable and we start giving all of these other reasons why we can't come right oh, I'm busy, I can't make it, and this isn't clear to this man. You simply say what you're unavailable for, and that might sound like hey, you know, meeting at your home sounds like a great date if we ever become exclusive, but for right now, I'd feel more comfortable if we met up in public places. It is clear, it is what you are unavailable for, and if this man continues to disregard it, then you have enough data to make a decision. But if you have not communicated this and you're like I'm cutting him off. He asked me to come to his house. It's like what Some people like going to people's houses. I mean, it may not be your cup of tea, but damn, adults are adults and some people like to adult that way, and so it is your responsibility to communicate that you don't want to adult that way. That's not what you want to do, okay, instead of judging him for his adult choices.
Speaker 1:Now, another great example that often comes up a lot is when men want to meet halfway when dating long distance, right? So women will be like hey, tora, you know this, you know man, he's long distance. I match with him. He wants to meet me in person, but he wants to meet me halfway. And they're like I just don't, you know, I really want to meet him. I just don't feel safe doing it the first time around, right, I would rather him come to me the first time around Instead of complaining. Right, I would rather him come to me the first time around Instead of complaining. Right, we can get into this complaining and think, oh my gosh, how dare he asked me to come halfway. Oh, a real man would never blah, blah, blah. Communicate that you are unavailable for it. Some women are available for it and it works for them and they love it and they have a great time. Obviously, you are not that woman. So instead of thinking right, that you are the woman and every other woman thinks like you, communicate what you are unavailable for Yamani.
Speaker 1:Shout out to Yamani, who is a cufflink from the November cohort. Imani, who is a cufflink from the November cohort. She recently posted a win where there was a man that wanted to meet her halfway as they were long distance, and she had such an amazing response. I'm going to read it to you guys here. Her response to him was one of my boundaries is that gentlemen come to my city to date me. This boundary is in place for my safety. Once I feel safe with you, I will have no problem traveling to you or meeting you halfway. However, I'm only interested in men who are protectors and want to ensure my safety. If you don't want to travel to my city, I wish you no ill will, but I am unavailable for anything less Best regards. That was perfect, because she expressed what she was unavailable for, while also not feeling entitled to him coming to see her. She was letting him know hey, I'm unavailable for this. It's fine if you don't. I'm not going to make you out to be an asshole, a jerk. I am not requiring you to do this for me to still see you as a quality human being. It just doesn't work for me. So, queen, when you communicate what you are unavailable for you, teach men how they can be available to you. Ok, so the fourth piece of advice I have for you when it comes to teaching men how to win with you is to co-create with men.
Speaker 1:One of the biggest mistakes women make that causes them to lose with men is that they leave the burden of creating an enjoyable romantic experience solely on the men. All right, we have been conditioned to believe in quote unquote real man theology. Right, this kind of sounds like a real man is going to ask me for my number. He's going to call me. He's going to carry the conversation. He's going to ask me for my number. He's going to call me. He's going to carry the conversation. He's going to ask me out on a date. He's going to figure out when to take me out on the date. He's going to plan the whole date even if he has no idea what I like, and he's going to make sure I enjoy the date even though I had no hands in planning the date. That's what that sounds like.
Speaker 1:It takes the man and now he becomes this caricature of what the media has programmed us to believe that all real quality men operate this way. They just know what women think. They know what all women like, even though we are as different as our fingerprints. Isn't that something? Then we're all like, oh, a real man is going to lead, and that's because we think leading means a man does all the heavy lifting while we are passively following along. Real talk. Many of us women, we just are being lazy and low effort and then calling it letting a man lead. We enjoy being the pretty princess, the little girl, because it takes evolution to be a woman, right To evolve in being a woman.
Speaker 1:Great leaders are great followers first. This is what we learn, right. They're great followers first. If you read any leadership book or been in any leadership program, this is what they teach you. And how can a man be a great follower if we aren't willing to provide the instructions for him to follow? When we provide the instructions, the masculine is ready to execute. When we express a desire, the masculine is ready to fulfill. And this is what it looks like to co-create an experience. Co-creating with men means to be a team player and work with men to create the experience you desire and that you can both enjoy. Because, once again, men are not mind readers and normally women will wait around for men to do the work and then get frustrated when things don't go her way. I mean like make it make sense, get frustrated when things don't go her way. I mean like make it make sense. Co-creating an experience with men looks like collaboration on an idea. It looks like you providing instructions of what kind of plan pleases you and him executing the plan. You should be co-creating the conversational experiences you desire, all right.
Speaker 1:Most of us spend a lot of time complaining about the conversation that men have, and yet we are not co-creating the conversations. We're looking for men to carry it and we just respond in kind, right. So, for example, a lot of women hate men repeating the same good morning text every morning, or the same you know what you're doing, but yet, in kind, we are responding with the same responses to their good morning text, the same responses to their what you're doing. Women who teach men how to win with them, inform men on how to converse with them, we just don't complain about. Oh my gosh, he sent me another good morning text. That's so boring. Oh my gosh, you sent me what you're doing. No, because you know why.
Speaker 1:Some women enjoy that regular good morning text. Some women don't mind the what you're doing text. It doesn't matter to her, all right. So, instead of ignoring the what you're doing text it doesn't matter to her, all right. So, instead of ignoring his what you're doing text, which a lot of women do to try to teach him a lesson is passive, aggressive, it's screaming little princess, little girl, right, not woman. Instead of ignoring that text, inform him. You can say hey, I'm feeling you, but I'm not really feeling the what you doing text. I'd rather much be asked you know something like, hey, how are you feeling? Or hey, are you available to connect? Because a lot of times when men are asking what you're doing they really like, sometimes they really want to know how they fit in your life today or tomorrow. Also, you can co-create the dates you desire. Life today or tomorrow Also, you can co-create the dates you desire. So instead of putting the onus on a man to plan a date when he may not even know enough about you to plan one that he knows that you like, why not just inform him on the type of date you desire and allow him to fulfill your desires?
Speaker 1:It's always so funny to me when I hear women say things like oh, he needs to lead, he needs to plan the date, and I say, okay, so if you guys have these dates and he's planning them, and you guys fall in love, and he proposes and you're engaged, should he be planning the whole wedding too? And they're like no, I'm planning my own wedding. Well, isn't that you leading and then things get quiet. Things get quiet because we know how to co-create a wedding. In fact, we know how to create a wedding without even needing a man's input. But when it comes to a date, we don't want to do it. Okay. When it comes to a date, we don't want to do it. Okay.
Speaker 1:The cufflinks in the C2C program. They have learned to co-create the dates of their dreams. They don't wait around for men to come up with plans. They like they actually explain to the man what they desire and what they would want and how they would want it. I've had some clients request flowers on dates and the man fulfills the request. I've had some women request a multi-location date and men fulfill that request. And then I also see women who don't want to do this because they feel like it's low effort on the man and they are left struggling to get dates in the first place.
Speaker 1:So also co-create when a man is asking you how your weekend is looking and you know you want him to ask you on a date, instead of replying like, oh yeah, well, I'm running errands or I'm catching up on my favorite shows. Co-create, queen, and if you co-create, you can say something like you want to know what I'm doing this weekend. I have space on my calendar for you to take me out on a date. For starters, are you interested in asking me, instead of assuming he knows you are ready to meet him in person? All right, instead of that, I've had several men tons of men actually explain that. There is one woman who was ready to go on a date immediately, within the first week, and then there's other women who are like oh, I just I need time. Either they have children or they don't feel safe going because they just met him. And these men are left trying to figure out what do I say? When do I ask them? The men don't have to figure it out if you're able to explain it to them, if you're able to express it and co-create this right Collaborating. So, instead of assuming he knows you are ready to meet him in person, inform him by co-creating an opportunity for a date. A woman who embodies co-creation is a woman who will always create the best dating experiences with the best men.
Speaker 1:Okay, and the fifth piece of guidance I'm going to leave with you today is to affirm his winning behavior, because when you teach a man how to win with you and he succeeds in pleasing you. It's important that he knows he was successful at pleasing you. When we affirm a man's winning behavior, this is how you communicate that you are pleased, right? We're letting him know we are happy, we're satisfied, we are appreciative, we are pleased. And quality men love to please women and see them happy. So when they see that their actions leave us happy, leave us satisfied, appreciative and pleased, it motivates them to keep doing those things. So, for example, if he's been successful at calling you, you can affirm him by saying I love getting your phone calls. I get excited just hearing your voice Affirming. If he has been successful with scheduling regular dates with you, you can affirm him by saying it feels beautiful to date you. I really enjoy and appreciate the way you make room out of your schedule to spend time with me. If he has been successful with being chivalrous, you can say you're such a gentleman. I always feel very safe and cared for in your presence.
Speaker 1:Now it can be easy to get confused and think affirming a man is like giving him kudos on being basic or you being easily impressed, and that's not the thing. All right, affirming this man is a simple way to express gratitude, respect and appreciation for the way he fulfills your desires. Okay, when a man knows you appreciate how he fulfills your desires, he is excited about fulfilling more of them for you. Okay, all right. So for some reason, after teaching this lesson to women, there's always one woman who asked the question Torah, what have you expressed your desires? And you clearly communicate them and try to co-create experiences with them, and they still don't get it. And I'm always confused by this, because it's just like okay, it's not a good fit. Like, what are we doing here? Like why is this even a question? It's just not a good fit, queen, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:You were clear, you expressed yourself, you said what you were unavailable for, you co-created the experience and it still just didn't work. Because he's not the one to fulfill your desires, and that is okay. He is not the one that wants to win with you, all right. But it's also funny because most of the time when I'm asked this, it's someone who hasn't even tried the guidance that I've laid out and they're already thinking about the negative in advance. Please don't do that. Please don't listen to this podcast and do that, all right.
Speaker 1:So I just covered five pieces of guidances to teach men how to win with you. But in order for any of that stuff to land, you're going to have to stop objectifying men. All right, if you want to teach men to win with you, you're going to have to stop objectifying them, meaning that you're going to have to see them as humans, children of the most high, and not just your means to a dream relationship, not just an object of your romantic affection. These are real people with real insecurities and real flaws and real opinions and passions and thought processes. They are more than just an object or a non-object of your affection. Okay, you're also going to have to stop judging men. Again, they are human. They are not your God. They are not omnipresent or omniscient right. They have flaws and they might not have the same understanding of life as you do. They might not have the same understanding of life as you do. So when we judge men for their actions, when they are just different people having different experiences and having different expectations, we create a disconnect from them and it is extremely hard for us to see them more, hard for us to see them more, and it's extremely hard for us to show empathy and want to work with them.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're also going to need to explore and own your triggers, right? So many of us get so easily annoyed with the things men do, say, act. If a man says something, does something or asks something that triggers you to be annoyed or frustrated, going back to like the what are you doing? Text and going back to asking you to come to his house, it has nothing to do with him if you're triggered by that and everything to do with you. Okay, everything to do with you, because those are your hangups, not his and not some other women's. Those are your hangups. So it's important to explore your hangups and why they are hangups, right?
Speaker 1:So, for example, again, women seem to be really triggered about men asking for a pic. Right, they get really triggered. They're like why is he asking me for a pic? He already has pictures of me on the dating app. He already has pictures of me online. Why does he want more pictures? All of that is irrelevant. Trying to figure out why. Ask yourself why you're so annoyed by it. Right, you don't have to send him pictures, but you also don't have to be annoyed about it. You need to ask yourself, like what is it? And I remember there are so many times where I've asked women why they are annoyed, and when we get down to the root of the issue, it really goes back to them. Sometimes they aren't comfortable with their bodies. They've gained weight and they really don't want to show, you know, more pictures, or it's harder. They feel like it's harder for them to take pictures. Some of them are not comfortable with their sexuality. Again, some of them don't know how to take great pictures and then they feel pressure of having to take a good photo. So, again, it has everything to do with you as to why you're annoyed. So that's what I'm leaving with you here today Um, five pieces of guidances on how to teach men to win with you.
Speaker 1:As a quick recap, make sure that you express your true desires. Make sure, when you're expressing your true desires, that you're super clear in your expressions. Communicate what you are unavailable for, co-create with men and affirm men's winning behavior. All right, girl, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If so, make sure that you rate it and I will talk to you next week. Bye.