Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How To Prepare To Date Deliciously In 2025
As the new year gets closer, it’s time to look back on your dating life in 2024 and think about what you want in 2025.
In this episode, I’ll help you reflect on your wins, lessons, and the vision you want to create for your love life.
We’ll talk about how to define what “dating deliciously” means for you, what skills can make dating feel easier, and how to get the support you need to enjoy the process.
This episode will guide you toward making dating more fun, aligned, and less stressful—so you can attract the experiences and connections you truly want.
If you’re ready to take control of your love life and start 2025 strong, this episode is for you.
Learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Hello, welcome back to the Day With Sense podcast. It's Tora and I'm back and if you're listening to this episode, I have already returned back from Tennessee and it was well. Let me rewind. I went to Tennessee If you have not listened to two podcast episodes ago. One was a rewind podcast, it was like an old podcast that I reshared, and the one previously to that.
Speaker 1:I'm like, hey, I'm going to Tennessee to spend time with one of the guys that I'm dating long distance. He lives in Tennessee and it was important for me to see where he lives and see how he does things away from. The thing with long distance dating is you can get sucked in really, really easy, especially if you have the funds and the means to visit each other, because it can, you could. It could turn into focusing on like really special moments. It could give vacation vibes, because you're always doing something special when you see each other, and it can be like fantasy. You can get stuck into fantasy. So I was like, okay, let me, let me go see how you live. Let's not do like we're going to do things, but let's not make it too vacation-y. I want to see how you live at your house. I want to see how you live your day to day, and so I was able to just do that and really just enjoy myself.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I do notice about him is he's very, very low key and he doesn't do much. He actually took me to the movies while I was out there, and this man had not been to a movie since Black Panther the first Black Panther so this man does not get out much. When I was able to watch him, he was like yeah, if you're, you know I'm a boring man, you know I, I handle my business, you know, and this is my life. So I was like okay, okay, this is what pouring feels like, and it's this is why I love dating multiple men, because the other men that I'm dating they provide other types of experiences, especially like, if we're talking about, you know, front runner, my ride or die, he is going to be very spontaneous. He's always wanting to leave the house, he's always want to, you know, be out and about, and when it comes to Saudi, he is, he's, he's more so like he wants to be out and about, but they're they're elevated, like really, really elevated experiences that you generally wouldn't get in everyday experience. So, yeah, it's all interesting and the best part about it is I love it all. Like I love the adventure, I love the spontaneity in dating one person and then I love like the monotony and quietness and in the houseness of another person, like it's just, it's all good, I enjoy it and I could. I could like see how my life could be with either person. You know, however I choose, but anywho, I also just spent birthday.
Speaker 1:It was a frontrunner's birthday, my ride or die. He just turned 30. And it was so funny because he's like we're both. I said you think you grown. And he was just like, yeah, we're both in our 30s now. So cute. But we just had an amazing dinner. I bought him some gifts I posted in my stories. We had a really great time together celebrating his year 30. And the gifts are the least I could do with. How he really shows up for me on a regular basis and last year I actually recorded a private podcast for him. I recorded like 10 things I love about him as a private podcast and I sent him the podcast episode and so he's the only one that can listen to it. But he, like he absolutely loved it. But yeah, I was able to spend that time with him as well. So I'm like really full, like really just feeling great, feeling amazing, really grateful for the for these men that I have in my life and I really appreciate them.
Speaker 1:Upcoming is my son's birthday. He will be 20 years old on the 22nd and I'm like, wow, I'm going to have a 20 year old. Can't believe it. But yeah, that's where I'm at right now and I'm preparing for 2025. I've already put together a 12 month plan, six month plan. I'm already setting things up for how I want my life to look like next year, like kind of like the trips I want to take or, you know, like the things that I want to do, how I want to run my business, what my love life looks like. I'm pretty sure next year I'm going to go exclusive with somebody because I want to have children, which means that I need to settle down soon. And it's always so funny.
Speaker 1:People are I post them into my stories and people are like when's the promotion? When are you going to promote? And I just need y'all to understand if I didn't want kids, I would not be trying to move towards a promotion. I probably would be single and in the streets for more years, right, and then let people choose whether they want to stay with me or not. But I'm definitely not in a rush to move into a marriage just for the sake of a marriage. When I have like all of these, when I have these amazing men at my at my disposal, like I just don't feel the I've been married, I already done that, but because I want children and I want children to be in a uh, the structure of marriage, I really need to make a choice. I really need to make a choice and, um, settle down to make that happen.
Speaker 1:But, speaking of preparing for 2025, I felt like this would be a perfect episode for me to help you prepare to date deliciously in 2025. And it doesn't matter if you had a non-existent love life this year. It doesn't matter Like, if you, if you, already are dating deliciously, there's always something that we can do to plan for the next year. Just like it doesn't matter if you were a successful business owner this year. You can always look towards 2025 to be even more successful. Or if you had a non-existent business, you can always plan to actually implement and put actions in to actually build your business. Same thing with career right. Same thing with weight loss. So I wanted to do this podcast episode by having you ask about five or six questions. I think it's five, I don't think it's more than five, maybe it's six, I don't know. But we'll get there. Ask yourself these questions and I really want you like even if you're driving or you're in the shower right now, I want you to take some time when you can focus and actually do this particular work.
Speaker 1:I love reflecting with my clients. I love planning with my clients, because it allows them to come up with a plan and set an intention and come up with action items so that they can actually reach their goals. Most of us are setting goals and planning for the future when it comes to our career, when it comes to our fitness, when it comes to our businesses, all the above. When it comes to, you know, certain organizational developments that we are a part of. But when it comes to love, it's kind of like, oh, it'll just happen, or oh, I'll just wait and see, or oh, like you know, things are just going to fall into place and they look up in a year later and things are the same way.
Speaker 1:I literally still have people who follow me on social media who have been following me since before I got married that are still saying the same things. I have people that have been following me for years and are still saying the same things, and I look at them. I'm like literally all they had to do is put in the work and develop the skills, but they want to complain to me year after year about what's not working and how they're not able to show up and how they wished it could happen for them, or how they're praying that this is going to happen for them. I'm like this is why you don't have results, because you're still consuming information and you're not doing anything about it, and so I want you to take these questions when you have some time and really do something about your love life and, if you're already doing something about it, really be like be more conscious about what you're creating.
Speaker 1:So we'll start with the first question. The first question is a reflection question of the past year. I love reflection questions because it really puts things into your awareness around where you actually stand, where are you actually on the mat? Where are you currently like, how are you currently showing up? And so it's what did I achieve in my dating life in 2024? What did I achieve? It's okay, we can start by celebrating the wins. Here we can reflect on celebrating what we've already done.
Speaker 1:And for those of you who are like, well, I still ain't got my man, I was dating but I still don't have the one and I'm still not a relationship, you are missing the bigger picture here. You are missing the big point, because achievements in your love life and dating, they aren't just about the quote, unquote destination and the end goal, like finding a partner. They are also about the milestones and the steps that you took to grow and show up and honor yourself in the process. So, the same way, let's just say I have a goal of like this year, like making a million dollars in my business, and let's just say, and I didn't reach it Right. So I can really say, well, I didn't achieve it because I didn't reach my million dollar goal. Or I can say, well, tara, this is how you grew in this particular area when it came to coaching your clients, these are how this is. These are the coaching frameworks that you created for your clients this year. These are issues that you had trouble helping clients with last year that you're really easily helping them. With this year, or Tora, you were able to create systems for easier ways for your virtual assistant to serve and support you. But the fact that you didn't make a million dollars? But look at all the skills you develop, look at what you achieve.
Speaker 1:So, when you think about your love life, what I want you to think about is, you know, like, ask yourself certain things. Like you know, did I put myself out there more? Is there a place where I started? Did I go to more events? Did I put myself more out into those events? Did I connect to more events? Did I put myself more out into those events? Did I connect with more people? Did I end a connection that wasn't serving me? Maybe you were in a situationship that you did not enjoy and you were able to cut it off. That's something worth celebrating. Or did I try a new approach to dating? Maybe you were against the dating apps and you put yourself out there and you tried them. Or maybe you learned something valuable about yourself.
Speaker 1:Achievements just aren't like these destination goals. They're about growth. They're about courage. They're about honoring who you are. They're about small, incremental change. They're about consistent action towards what you really want. So, for example, some of my achievements and my love life included. I was able to end all of my connections without ghosting anybody, without, like leaving them on, read, like I feel like that's achievement, especially considering me um, my default especially if I feel like that's achievement, especially considering me um, my default, especially if I feel like you know you may have been out of pocket Like my default is to be like, um, you know, I'm just gonna kind of like I'm I'm overwhelmed and stressed, I'm not going to say nothing to this person. That's my default. I have to work really hard to be kind in that area, really hard to be kind, and so I was able to end all my connections without that. I think I mentioned how I left two guys, I ghosted two guys in 2022, I believe yeah, I believe it was in 2022. And I'm like nope, don't want to do that again. How was it 2023? Just well, I don't know, but I know I did it.
Speaker 1:I was able to consistently use two dating apps in tandem. Typically, I would only stick with one dating app the whole year, like one dating app and, like this year, I was able to go back and forth between Bumble and Hinge, bumble and Hinge. I paid for both at different times, but I was really able to use both of them daily and really experience the benefits of like using them. So that was an achievement of mine. I also had an achievement of having 10 dates in one month, 10 whole dates with my introverted ass and I was able to do it without being overwhelmed and the moment that the one little bit of anxiety that I got when I realized how many dates I had, I was able to feel my feelings and create a system in order for me to go on all of these dates. So that's also achievement. So I was able to create systems to help me date with a busy schedule as a business owner, because I have a really busy schedule with me running a multiple six figure business, with me having extracurricular activities that include tennis, that include pole, and where I'm dating multiple men and going out on various dates throughout the week and being able to be a good friend, showing up for friends and going out with friends at the same time. And one of my biggest achievements is that I ended the year with a rotation of men and the thing is I have not had a longstanding rotation. I have not had one in a while. I have had a roster, you know, where men were just moving in and out, moving in and out, but this is the first year in a very long time, in a couple of years, where I've had like a steady rotation, you know, by the end of the year. So I'm actually really excited and really really happy about that. So those are some of my achievements.
Speaker 1:I want you to think about your achievements, some of my clients' achievements. I had one client I talked about her on a couple of episodes. She had her first $600 cash app right. She had never received I don't think she's received over a hundred dollars from a guy before that she was dating. She received $600 via cash app. Another client that I worked with when she first started working with me, we started working together over the summer. She was like there's her love, life is dry, she doesn't know she wants to have a relationship, doesn't know how that's going to happen. She was able to have her vet first vetting experience right. We spent some time vetting a particular guy that she was dating. First she met the guy and she was able to really show up authentically with this man and then she we vetted him together right. I helped her through the process of vetting him, vetting his support system, him being able to go through her support system, and I recently got word and news that she has accepted exclusivity with this man and she is in a relationship, so that's an achievement for her.
Speaker 1:I had another client clients that have had their first rotations that they've ever had in their lives. They've never had rotations before, they've never dated multiple men. Another client, divorced, and this is her first time dating online and she has been able to secure multiple dates with multiple men doing this. Another one she's first time moving a man off the app within 24 hours huge achievement, huge. And another client it was her first time. Well, most of my clients they, when they work with me, they it's their first time suggesting a desire date, and a desire date is what happens when a man you know he, and a desired date is what happens when a man you know he, when you go on dates that you will go on, even if, um, the man doesn't show up. And so these men would offer certain dates and they suggested no, I don't want to do that, I want to do this instead. Right, I want to do pottery instead. I want to. I want to do um bumper cars instead. I want to do whatever these dates are instead.
Speaker 1:So I really want you to sit with yourself and ask like, what were my accomplishments? What did I achieve? And if you have a really, really hard time thinking about this because you should come up with some small things then you need to ask yourself why am I not achieving in my love life and why am I okay with not achieving? Why am I okay that it's the end of a 365 day year and I don't have any achievements to show for the love life I claim that I desire? I really desire a partner. I really desire an exclusive relationship. I really desire marriage. I want a family of my own. I want support for myself. I want a man of my own. I want support for myself. I want a man who is going to love me authentically that I can do life with that. I can do that. I can actually. That's not intimidated by me. Why am I not achieving and taking action towards that? What's holding me back? So you really need to ask yourself that if you can't come up with achievements, the second question I want you to ask yourself is what did I learn about myself through dating this year.
Speaker 1:And this is a real game changing question, because typically people use dating very transactionally. It's like I'm going to date to find a man, I'm going to date to get a relationship. I want to date to get married, which is why people are always confused about me, because I've been dating and I have had no urge to, like, really move into a relationship until recently. Okay, cause dating is, yeah, it's not just about finding someone. It's really about learning who you are in relationships. Okay, and I see I really believe this is what businesses, entrepreneurship is Like, and I really believe this is what business is. Entrepreneurship is Like. I'm like this is business business. Am I doing business for business or I'm doing it for personal development? Because I feel like I'm transforming into a different person, like I have to be a different person in order to run my business. I have to grow as a person. I have to learn this stuff about myself. You know I have to learn this stuff about myself, you know.
Speaker 1:So when I'm dating, I'm always looking and asking myself what did? What am I learning? What did I learn this week? What did I learn? What am I learning this this whole month? And if you are a client of mine. You know, I do my dating diary once a month, where I pull behind the pull back the curtain on my love life and I share the lessons and I get very vulnerable. I talk about my wins, but I also talk about my struggles and my stumbles, what went right, what went left, and I'm very adamant about being transparent about that because I want you know, I want you to see what I'm learning throughout this whole process. And recently I mean I told my clients how I wanted to delete my whole rotation. Like I got activated, right, and really exploring, like, what am I learning about myself while I'm dating and what will cause me to want to do something like that, right? So I want you to ask yourself what moments this year taught me something valuable. You know, what moments on the dating app taught me something valuable? Meeting somebody in person, like what did I learn? What did I learn about being approached? What did I learn about not being approached? Did I learn to communicate my needs more clearly? Right? Did I learn how to ask for what I want and speak up for myself? Am I still operating in a pattern that doesn't serve me?
Speaker 1:I know the last few sales calls I've been on, ladies have been really leaning into attracting emotional available men. And it's so interesting because the women would get on the calls and say, oh, you know, I attract the men that I want, and then I get. And then we start talking and I'm like, but if they're emotionally unavailable, how are they the men that you actually want? What they're really saying is I know how to attract men off of my looks, and these men are financially stable, they have careers, they're attractive. So I say that that's what I want, but actuality, like these men are emotionally unavailable. So I say that that's what I want, but actuality, like these men are emotionally unavailable. So, no, you're actually not attracting the type of men that you want, right, but they don't realize it because they're so focused on I am getting the men that I want. These are the men that I'm getting. I don't have trouble getting a man, but you're stuck in a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable men.
Speaker 1:And so are you still operating in a pattern that does not serve you? Or did you discover, like, did I discover what truly brings me joy in a connection, or what no longer serves me? Like? Are you asking yourself questions about? Like? What are you learning about yourself. So, for example, myself I value I realized that I really value a very quiet, low key life.
Speaker 1:I love excitement. I love, like the, the experience of, you know, jet setting and traveling a lot and doing all the things. But if I'm really really honest with myself long term I I really prefer quiet, low key life. That's how I actually live my life on a regular basis Like very low key, don't get out the house as much, I stay to myself. I require lots of alone time and I absolutely love living this way. I do. I would love pockets of spontaneity and going out and being out and about, but I do prefer to be home and living quiet and low key. So I'm like looking at the relationships that I'm building right now and I'm like, okay, how, what would this look like if I chose this guy or if I chose that guy?
Speaker 1:I also learned about myself is that I'm no longer attracting men who want to dominate me. I may not have talked about this a lot on this podcast I think in the Good Girl series I mentioned this but my clients hear about it quite a lot because I talk more about my private life with my clients, but they know that I've had a history of attracting men who dominate me because of you know certain things, that I certain patterns and these men would want to try to control me. And what I realized is that this year, like I've not been dating men, that I've not been going on dates, that men don't want to dominate me, and it's been a beautiful, wonderful experience of men who really embrace my freedom. They're not looking to control me, they're not looking to change me and make me be somebody I'm not. And I remember last year, like two men in particular, like really trying to push me towards marriage with them, like and even offering to like pay for divorce and things like that, but they were really trying to control and dominate me, like trying to push me towards being their way and showing up the way they wanted me to show up, and I just I'm really happy that that hasn't been my experience in 2024. And I'm like, oh God, you killed the pattern, tora, it's so amazing, congratulations.
Speaker 1:I also learned one key thing as I went on so many dates this year I went on so many dates is that on the first date, if I don't want to hold your hand, I don't want to see you again, I'm not attracted to you enough. I know a lot of women are like you know, sometimes men can grow on you, and that's true, they absolutely can. But my boundary is if I don't want to hold your hand on the first date, I'm not wasting any of my time or your time. I'm just going to let you know it's not a good fit, because I have met so many men that excited me on the first date this year and I'm like, oh, I want to hold your hand and I want to kiss your neck and I just, I just want to be snuggled up under you and I'm like, no, I'm never going on another date. Why I don Don't want to snuggle up to a man? I'm never doing it again. And so I realized that that's my new boundary. That's what I learned this year.
Speaker 1:I also learned that my emotional range has really, really increased my ability to feel anxiousness, my ability to feel fear, even my ability to feel jealousy. I have increased my capacity, for I'm able to really sit with it without judgment, without making it mean anything, without making it mean like it's a bad thing, like I'm really able to feel into it and I'm very, very proud of it, extremely, extremely proud of it. I'm like looking at my emotional ring, like Tori, like this is so good, this is really good how you're able to hold these feelings and not like spiral out and make it mean something more than what it is. And so I want you to ask your question like what am I learning?
Speaker 1:Some of my clients one of my clients learned that the reason why dating has felt so exhausting to her all these years is because she feels like she has to be extra right. One of the first things I noticed about her when we first did our onboarding call, when she first started working with me, is it was really like I had to keep communicating to her like, hey, why, why is what you're submitting to me so extra? Why can we? Can we make it very specific and simple? And it was really hard for her to do. Everything had to have some razzle, dazzle, it had to have some ah bam, you know to it, and it was all rooted in her not feeling enough. And that's what we discovered this year, so that we can figure out how can we be simple and make life easier for ourselves, make love easier, so we don't have to be in performance mode, because performance mode is exhausting If you are performing for anybody men, friends or family that is a very exhausting thing, and so that's something that she learned and that we're aware of. And so now she has awareness. Like, if I want to send an email, and it's and it's and I'm adding some razzle dazzle, I'm not going to do it. I'm going to delete whatever I think is going to be razzle dazzle. I'm going to send as is. If I'm on a dating app, I am not going to be on a dating app trying to add a bunch of razzle dazzle to my questions. Or or when I, when I my initial message, when I match men, I'm simply going to copy and paste one question and send it to everybody. That is enough.
Speaker 1:Another client that I'm working with learned that a big part of her loneliness that she's been experiencing was because she moved to a new city and she hadn't developed a friend group. And the thing is, um, we might think that we're lonely for a man, when really we're just lonely for intimacy, and we start choosing the wrong men and we start choosing the wrong situations. Um, we neglect our boundaries when we do not have intimacy with, like, having a friend group, and we try to substitute that with the men, and I'm letting you know, guys, that never works out. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever. So I encourage you if you do not have a friend group, you need to start developing that now, because a man can never replace that, and, in fact, women who try to do this often almost always overextend themselves with the man, almost always negotiate with their boundaries, almost always self-abandoned.
Speaker 1:Okay, another client learned this year that she actually has what it takes to attract cultured, intelligent, financially stable, generous and attractive men. She didn't think she had the ability. She was so used to men being so impressed with her. She was so used to men um, like really latching a hold to her and telling her how amazing she is and how they need a woman like her. And now she's attracting men. She's actually intimidated by these are amazing men with a lot of stuff going on, and so that's what she learned about herself, and so I want you to think back to what have you learned about yourself, because these insights are gold. They're gold. They're going to guide you into 2025 with more self-awareness and more clarity around dating and love, and you really want to have 2025 with more self-awareness and more clarity around dating and love, and you really want to have that level of self-awareness and clarity as you are navigating in your love life.
Speaker 1:And if you have not learned anything, I need you to ask yourself why especially if you're listening to this podcast, especially if you are really desiring partnership why have you not learned anything? If you have not learned anything, or if it's hard for you to think you are really desiring partnership, why have you not learned anything? If you have not learned anything, or if it's hard for you to think you are not making progress and you are not closer to your goal, things are not going to just fall into place for you. Okay, now you might look up and you might find somebody that you are in alignment with. But here's the thing you need these skills in a marriage. So, where you skip them while dating, they are going to haunt you when you get married because you didn't develop the skill before, ahead of time.
Speaker 1:Okay, the third question I want you to ask yourself is what does dating deliciously mean to me in 2025? This is basically a vision. Question Like this is your chance to dream and create a vision for the love life that you want to cultivate next year. And so my clients. They create a love, a girl vision for themselves. Every single quarter, I host a quarterly call for them to do so. I also host a monthly relationship goal reset call where they can set their relationship goals every single month and they know exactly what actions to take to reach them so that it leads to them reaching their vision.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so your love, your vision, is like the mental picture of your ideal love life. Like what does that look like? It's the guide to empower you to reach your relationship goals. It's going to outline your desires, your intentions, the experiences you want to have. So I want you to ask yourself like? What does dating deliciously mean to me? What's my vision? What do I want my relationships to feel like in 2025? Is it joyful? Is it adventurous? Is it peaceful? What do I want to experience in my love life next year? Is it playful dates? Is it deeper connection? Is it a dates? Is it deeper connection? Is it aligned partnership? What process will make the dating feel exciting and aligned, rather than draining or transactional?
Speaker 1:And this is always interesting to me when people get on sales calls with me and I'm like, hey, what would you like to experience in the next six months? And most times they're like, oh, I want a relationship, or I want to be able to go on a bunch of dates and have fun dating and maybe get to know one person that I can see myself having a future with. But when I ask them about what they want in three months, they start choking. They're like, oh well, I don't know. I need to think about it, because we often overestimate the amount of what we're able to do in a year, in six months, and we underestimate the amount that we're able to do in three months. And if you are not thinking about what you can do in three months, right? And I also asked them, what would they, what would they want in one month? And they get really stumped a lot of times.
Speaker 1:If you can't figure out what you want to achieve in your love life in one month, that six month goal is going to be really it's going to be much harder to attain. You're going to be far away from that goal. Like it sounds good, like, oh, I got six months to reach this goal, but if you don't know what you want in one month, you're going to be hard pressed to have what you want in six If you don't know what you want. In 90 days, in three months, you're going to be hard pressed on reaching your six month goal. You just don't land in that six month goal. There are choices that you're making on a daily basis, on a weekly basis, on a monthly basis, that leads to your six month goal, and so I wanted to share, like a couple of client, vision statements of how they're going to date deliciously in the in this past quarter. Right, we're going to do deliciously in the in this past quarter. Right, we're going to do, um, first quarter at the beginning of January.
Speaker 1:But this is what one client said Um, and this is the. This comes from the, the group quarterly uh vision call that I have and I helped them work them through prompts in order for them to create these visions for themselves. And so this particular client. She says I have experiences that feel very curious as I learn something new and it inspires me to create, and these experience have a playful and relaxed vibe. The men I go on dates with are no strangers to nice things. They love my appreciation for beautiful and nice things and they have no problem providing them for me, along with amazing experiences. It brings them joy to create these things for me, my love life supports my core values with ease, and the men that I date provide support for me as well. Right, and so?
Speaker 1:This is one client, and what's so interesting is the love life vision that she created for herself 90 days before she had already executed it. She already was experiencing it because she set the vision. We did her relationship goals every single month for the 90 days and she's like, oh, I'm experiencing all of this. So now I get to create a new vision. We did her relationship goals every single month for the 90 days and she's like, oh, I'm experiencing all of this. So now I get to create a new vision. So now she's seeing all the progress that she's making, versus like getting it to the end of the year and like, what, what's going on. Like how, how did I not have what I want? Like she's, oh, I'm able to have exactly what I want because I've been doing my vision and I've been setting my goals.
Speaker 1:Another client says this quarter I'm inviting experiences in my dating life that are abundant, comforting and stimulating. I go on creative and luxurious dates that inspire me, nourish my needs and offer space for connection and laughter, whether we're creating art, enjoying a spa day or going on a spontaneous road trip. My dates will embody joy, peace and placefulness, and also spark intrigue. I'm dating men who are grounded, resourceful, deeply admired by their friends, men who freely share their knowledge and give without expecting anything in return. They hold space for meaningful conversation and I feel empowered to assert my needs, and through these experiences I will. I enjoy both healthy dynamics and feel confident that no one else can offer what I bring to the table. And so that was.
Speaker 1:That was another vision from another client, and so these ladies are able to set their vision, set the goals to support that vision and reach their goals, so they're never confused about where they're at in their love life. Why aren't? Why isn't this happening for them? Why haven't they made any progress? They're always able to make progress because this is the question that they ask themselves, and so I want you to take a moment to ask like what is dating deliciously feel like for you? What do you want to experience next year, next quarter, the first quarter of the year? And I want you to take a moment and write down the vision and define what dating deliciously looks like for you, and then let that guide your choices, let that guide, how you want to move in the world, how you're going to move into the world.
Speaker 1:Question number four, one of my favorite questions what skills do you want to develop in order for you to date more intentionally? So lots of people look at dating as it's luck. You know, dating is luck and you're either having a good time dating or you're not. Most people think it's horrible and it's trash, and in reality, dating is just a skill. It's a skill, it's a life skill, it's a love skill. It's a skill that you you grow to date smarter and more effectively. The problem is, people don't think dating is a skill. They think it's just something that you should know how to do, which is why if, like, you're going to hire a matchmaker, you need to learn dating skills. And, um, if you're going to hire a matchmaker, you need to learn dating skills. And if you're going to hire a matchmaker as well, because if it doesn't happen and you spent, you know, $10,000 to meet these guys, then you're going to have to keep spending the money. If it doesn't work out. Versus, like, invest in skills, then you'll always know how to meet the types of men that you desire. Okay, and just like, just I'll give you an example for me.
Speaker 1:I used to hate sales calls. Right In my business I used to hate sales calls. I hate it because I'm like, oh, I got to get on this call and then I got to try to convince somebody to work with me and then I got to employ high pressure sales tactics and make them feel stupid enough to want to spend money with me. And then I'm going to attract all these people who felt forced to spend money with me. And then I make it on the phone with a lot of people who don't have the money, don't want to work with me. Like this is a waste of time, I don't want to do sales calls Now.
Speaker 1:I love skills, sales calls.
Speaker 1:I love them. I love them. I love them, even when people say I can't, I don't have the money. Um, you know, I like, they're like I have to think about it. I don't know if this is going to work. I absolutely love sales calls because now I have the skills. I have the skills to go in where I'm not using sleazy sales tactics. Kind of like we think that, oh, if I go on a dating app, I got to ask all these boring ass questions. No, you just need to have skill in order to, uh, ask questions that don't drain you Boring ass questions that don't drain you. So, instead of giving up sales calls, I'm like I developed sales call skills and so, instead of leaving a sales call saying they didn't want to work with me that was a waste of my time I'm like, oh wow, they didn't want to work with me. That was a waste of my time.
Speaker 1:I'm like, oh, wow, I love the fact that I was able to like, even though it wasn't a good fit or even though she needed to think about it, um, cause most people who say they need to think about it, they don't really think about it. It's just like they they don't. They rarely come back, um, and I could be like, oh my gosh, there's another person saying that they have to think about it. No one good in damn wedding, I'm going to think about it. I'm just like, wow, like I love the fact that I was able to have an enlightening conversation that probably brought up so much for that person to where they wanted to. You know, sit with what they have, what they heard, like they didn't even realize that this was a pattern for them, or they didn't realize this was an issue for them. It probably was very overwhelming.
Speaker 1:Or, for example, I I take certain calls that I know are not going to be clients. So, for example, I had a client that got married and her daughter, her 19 year old daughter, booked a sales call with me. I know good and I knew good and well, man, this 19 year old was not going to work together. Okay, she was still in college, still very, very young. I knew in advance and she wrote on her her intake form. She says I love my stepdad, my mom went through your program and I love my stepdad and I want to get coaching for you from you so I can have a man like you helped my mom get. And I was like, oh, I'm going to have this call because I just really want to speak life into this young lady, I really want to talk to her, and so my intention wasn't I need to get on all these sales calls just to make money.
Speaker 1:Now it's like, oh, I'm here to connect. I'm here to help women discover things about themselves that they haven't discovered before. I'm here to spot patterns I discovered before. I'm here to spot patterns. I'm here to help clean up patterns you know for, like, I'm here to, even if we don't work together, you're going to leave that call enlightened. You know you're going to leave that call feeling heard, seen and understood and so, yeah, I will at time. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to take every call, every intake call where people are like, well, yeah, I just want to talk to Tara. You know I can't can't really afford to work with you right now, but I just want to talk. Like you know, I probably won't take that call Right Cause the purpose of the call is to see if we're going to work together.
Speaker 1:But there are calls that I take and it's because I'm focused on the skillset Okay, a plan to them that's appropriate for them. Am I making them feel seen and heard and understood on this call? Am I present on this call? Am I allowing them to take up space without interrupting too much? Am I allowing them to? Am I uncovering the deeper issues on these calls? Are these the skills that I'm developing versus am I getting sales? Am I getting sales? If I was focused on not getting sales, then I wouldn't be improving my skills, and so that's why developing skills are so important.
Speaker 1:You need to ask yourself what do I need to learn or practice. Do I need to learn or practice my communication skills when on the dating apps or when I want to develop more connection with the man, or do I need to execute better boundaries, express my boundaries better? Do I need to learn how to navigate rejection? Am I going to keep avoiding a rejection, or do I want to learn the skill, cause it's a skillset, right? Do I need to learn flirting skills, moving off the apps quickly? Could I make my date smoother? Right, I was.
Speaker 1:I just visited New York very recently and I spent time with my friend who was also my life coach, catherine, and we ended up we were at this place and ended up meeting two guys who we just had an amazing time with, and I ended up taking care of everything. We didn't have to pay for anything and it was just a great conversation with them. And then Catherine told me later she was just like yo, like you, you are really good at comeback skills, and I was like what do you mean by that? She was like, yeah, comeback skills Like when people speak to you, you're very good at banter, at playing off what they said, at being able to say something very quickly, right back, and that's a skill. That's not something natural, that's something that I had to develop, that's something that I've been able to develop over a period of time, and one of the ways that I developed that skill was in a. It was a reaction to me having to move every single year.
Speaker 1:Growing up, I never had, any long, you know, any friends in one place. I was at a different school every year, a different city every year, until, like, high school, and so I had to make friends quick, which means I had to have better communication skills and conversational skills that, like drew people in to become friends with me very, very quickly. And that was a skill set that happened of like me being able to talk to those guys, them guys feeling really, really safe to be around us. We had such a great time with them. Your skills are like muscles, okay.
Speaker 1:So for me this past year uh, no, no, for next year, for 2025, one of the things I want to develop is my present skill. So, although Catherine complimented me on my comeback skills, like the way I'm able to banter, I compliment her present skills, like she has a a huge capacity to just be in the present moment, not thinking about the future or thinking about the past, but really being present and holding space for the person in front of her for hours, for hours, hours, hours. I could do it for like one good hour, but after that, you know, it starts dwindling. So I really would love to to practice my present skills and being present and holding space. Next year, I would love to improve my emotional regulation skills, as I'm going to require more of that as I'm moving towards exclusivity, especially considering that I'm going to have to choose it. I'm going to have to choose a guy, right, and that's going to be a very emotional process, right, it's already starting to be a very emotional process.
Speaker 1:So I want to improve my emotional regulation skills, being able to hold my you know the anxiety that it's going to bring, uh, the pressure that I'm going to feel like. I really want to lean into the discomfort, right, and improve those skills. I want to improve my connection skills. How can I create more connection without having to give it, give up more of my time, right, as, as a busy woman, like, how can I do that? How can I create more connection without, like, exerting more energy? I want to improve my skills to where people feel really, really connected to me without me having to do a lot and my communication skills, because I'm going to have to have a lot of hard conversations next year, a lot of hard conversations, and so I really want to improve on having really great communication skills for 2025. Right, so think about what do you need to plan for in the future to develop your skillset. And if you want to work with me to develop your skillset, go ahead and book a sales call. You know, go to the show notes and, um, or on my Instagram bio, hit the link book of sales call to see about how I can help you develop your skillset so that you can actually reach your goals. Your relationship goes in 2025.
Speaker 1:And the last question yeah, it was five questions the last question, um, is what support do I need to date deliciously? That's the last question. What support do I need to date deliciously? That's the last question. What support do I need to date deliciously? Because here's the thing when you are trying to do something that is new and uncomfortable, you need all the support you need. I don't care what it is, you need all the support you need. And dating is no different, whether it's coming, whether it's you know, you going up to your fitness goal and you're looking for support from, maybe, um, you know, your roommate who brings in snacks all the time, or a personal trainer? Uh like, think about the support that you need here.
Speaker 1:Um, who or what can help you date with more ease and alignment? Right? Who or what? Maybe ease and alignment right? Who or what? Maybe that's friends, right With my clients. I help them set up a dream team to where they have support amongst friends and family members that help them cultivate the love that they desire. The woman that just went exclusive this year, one of my clients. She cultivated a dream team that helped her vet the man that she's date, the man that she's currently exclusive with, right and that support system. She said this is the first time I've ever dated this way and I feel so powerful, so confident to be able to choose a man, not because of my feelings, because I was in love with this man, but because I have seen and evaluated him, you know, and with the help of my support team and I was also a part of her support team because I'm a coach.
Speaker 1:Speaking of coach, who or what can help you date with more ease and alignment? Is it a coach? Is it me? Is it me you're looking for Right? Is it therapy? Do you need to hire a therapist?
Speaker 1:Is there a certain trauma that you're still looping in your brain that you can't get rid of? That you're like, oh, I need to prepare for dating. Specifically for you ladies who are struggling with STIs. These are some of the. These ladies have been some of the most difficult um to help, um see that coaching is possible for them. Coaching can help them because not because they have the STI, but because they have so much trauma around the STI. Right, a lot of these women got STI from a guy that they thought they, you know, was faithful to them. Some of them got them in marriage. Like it's embarrassing, and so do you need to see a therapist to help prep you for the trauma that's around it, to release that, so that you can put yourself out there to date?
Speaker 1:What do you need? What support do you need? What systems or routines do you need to prevent burnout? Like, what kind of apps do you need? Like, I had a system that I put into place for dating apps on how much time I would spend. I'm like, oh, I'll spend 10 minutes on Hinge and Bumble, I will make sure that my dating profile does the work for me. I'm going to make my profile so amazing that I don't got to swipe every day if I don't want to. That makes that helps me prevent burnout. I'm only you know, those are the things that I did. Now, I'm only you know, those are the things that I did.
Speaker 1:You know I actually pay for a meditation app because what I love to visualize my vision for my love life, my delicious love life I love to wake up in the morning and visualize it. And this, this meditation app freaking love it. It's called the insight app. I love how it, because I like to have different scenes in visions and so it would do intervals letting me know, like, when it's time to move on to the next piece of my vision. So that was supportive. Um, I also created a dating system where first dates if I had a first date with you, it had to be a short date and I ain't trying to put on makeup, I need to be short and sweet and most of them was in the morning because I really didn't want to spend a lot of time and energy meeting a new person. Right Seconds, they could get more of my time.
Speaker 1:Okay, and then also leaning into my dream team, a few of my clients have been working with me to build out their friend circles intentionally. A lot of them have moved to new cities. A lot of them are not used to being intimate with a group of friends, and so I have been helping some of them do that for themselves. That's been the support that they've needed. A lot of my clients have therapists that work in conjunction with me. A lot of times they like their therapist piggybacks off of what I say. I'm able to confirm what their therapist is talking about and they feel wholly supported. They're like Tori, please don't drag me this hard today, because my therapist already dragged me this morning, right, so we work in tandem and that's the level of support that has allowed them to make deep progress. And then many of my clients are resigning to work with me. Right, we had a great year and they're like well, tora, you know when? When are we resigning for 2025? Want you know when? When are we resigning for 2025? Want to work with you again to make 2025 even better? So that's the level of support that they've decided that they want for themselves.
Speaker 1:So I want you to think about what support, what, what structure can you build to allow you to show up as your best self while dating? What would make your dating journey feel lighter and more joyful in 2025? Do you need to a new therapist? Do you need to replace the therapist in 2025? Do you need a new therapist? Do you need to replace the therapist you have? Do you need to bring your family and friends on board, right? Do you need to purchase an app? Do you need a new scheduling tool, like what will help you? Do you need a virtual assistant? Right? Do you need an assistant? Like one of my clients, she ended up hiring a virtual assistant to make her life easier. Okay, what do you need to do? Think about the support. Do you need to hire? Do you need meal prep service? Think about what you need. Do you need to hire Tora, like? Think about that. Do you really? You know you need to hire Tora. You should probably stop playing and click the link in the show notes and book your sales call so we can have a conversation about working together and how I can help you over the next six months so that, over summertime, you can have a hot girl summer without compromising your booties or your boundaries or your beliefs, girl? And yeah, that's you know.
Speaker 1:I want you to reflect these five questions aren't just a checklist what the five question is. Again, the questions are let me read it what do I want to achieve? What did I achieve in my dating life in 2024? Like, think about your achievements too. What did I learn about myself through dating this past year? Right, um, what did you learn? Ask yourself, what does dating deliciously mean to me in 2025? What's my vision? Ask yourself, what skills do I want to develop to be to date more intentionally? And then ask yourself, what support do I need to date deliciously? Again, these questions are not a checklist per se. They're a roadmap for dating with intention and alignment. So I want you to take your time with them.
Speaker 1:I want you to sit with your answers and don't be afraid to revisit them as the year unfolds. I revisit these. I revisit my client's goals monthly and I revisit their like we revisit their vision quarterly. So this is not about perfection. It's about showing up fully, embracing your goals and your progress at where you at and making choices that honor who you are and what you value. So cheers to a beautiful, delicious 2025. And I'm so excited to see, or hear, how these reflections shape your journey. You know, go ahead and send me a DM, let me know. And if you've had any insights or breakthroughs through today's episode, feel free to send me a DM, share on Instagram or, best of all, write me a review on the podcast. I absolutely love reading them. You guys are. You guys just make me all warm inside and then, last but not least, go in and book that sales card. Girl, you know you want to do it. Let's work together in 2025, okay, all right, I love you. Bye.