Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How to Reset Your Mindset and Start Dating Deliciously in 2025
Do you feel stuck in your dating life, like nothing is going the way you hoped?
In this episode, I talk about how your mindset shapes your dating experience and why shifting your thoughts can make a huge difference.
We’ll cover the common mindset mistakes women make and I’ll show you how changing the way you think about dating can help you attract better men, enjoy the process, and feel more confident along the way.
If you want to stop feeling frustrated and start having fun while building real connections, this episode is for you.
Work with me to shift your thoughts to attract high-quality men who align with your values
Book a sales call HERE to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.
Learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Welcome back, lover girl, and happy new year. Yeah, I am recording the first episode of 2025, and this is going to be such an amazing year, not just for me, because it's going to be an incredible year for me, but for you as well when it comes to your love life, because I'm going to stay tuned in. Girl, I got so much to share with you. But since we last spoke, man, a lot of things have transpired. I had an amazing holiday season. I spent Christmas with Big Body Benz and his friends and family. That was beautiful and incredible. And then I spent New Year's with my ride or die, aka Latin Papi, and bought in the New Year with him.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to Saudi, unfortunately we have had to part ways. I did not see the connection strong enough to go into 2025 together. We had a good run, it was nice and it was very, very enjoyable. I think we met in August. I think we met in August. So it was a good little run that we had, but couldn't see us going into 2025, especially considering what I was creating with Big Buddy Benz and my Ride or Die.
Speaker 1:So I mentioned on my stories on Instagram and I've also mentioned on this podcast that this, by spring, I should have a decision made of who I want to go exclusive with and whoever I'm going exclusive with, I am planning to marry, so I can see myself marrying them within six months if I choose to go exclusive with them. So that is the goal. That is the goal. That doesn't mean that it's definitely going to happen because, who knows, like I might figure out, I don't want either one of these men. We'll just have to see. But that is the goal for me. But this particular episode, I want you to have the same kinds of options that I have, the same be able to make the same kind of choices and be very confident in your romantic decisions and and just really have a delicious dating life in 2025. And I want to share that. I'm able to have these experiences with these men, these attractive men who show up for me. They serve, they support me, they pursue me seriously for marriage. They are ambitious, they're intelligent, they're cultured, they are financially stable and financially resourceful.
Speaker 1:The reason why I'm able to have this experience with these kinds of men it has to do with a lot of my mindset, right? I'm able to do this because of my mindset. My mindset helps me come up with the strategies that I have, like you guys love hearing about. Okay, how do I do this, tora, and how do I do that and what do I do? And my main focus isn't my doing. My main focus isn't my strategy. My main focus is my mindset.
Speaker 1:My mindset helps me come up with solutions. It helps me come up with strategies. It helps me come up. It helps me be resilient when I want to give up with dating. It helps me put things in perspectives. It helps me, allows me to be appreciative and have a lot of gratitude. Put things in perspectives. That helps me, allows me to be appreciative and have a lot of gratitude.
Speaker 1:And so I want to take this episode well time out in this episode to really share the pitfalls that I find most of you experiencing while dating, and then sharing my mindset and what my client's mindset is, what I help them to have. Speaking of client, if you would love to become a client of mine in 2025, feel free to book a sales call at the link in the show notes or on my Instagram, and then we can have a conversation if working together is the best next step for us. But your mindset shapes your entire dating experience, not your flirting skills, not your dating app skills, not your communication skills, not your ability to meet people your mindset it influenced how you see yourself in the dating marketplace in the modern dating world. Right, a lot of us claim that we have high self-worth and high self-esteem. But I can look at your love life and I can tell where your self-worth actually lies by how you show up your role. Worth actually lies by how you show up your role the role of your mindset. It shapes how you interpret interactions.
Speaker 1:Like the clients that come to me that have the most pessimistic view of how men of like men's text messages, of what men are doing or saying, they always have a negative interpretation. I already know where their mindset is at and then also how you respond to challenges. If you're somebody who deletes the apps after two weeks of not getting what you want, I already know where your mindset is at. If you are somebody who goes out a couple of times and you're not approaching, you're like, oh, I'm done, I'm tired. Or you went on a couple of dates and you're like, oh, dating is not worth my time. I already know that your mindset is not where it needs to be to have the results that you desire, and we can even look at this when it comes to the Bible.
Speaker 1:Like the Bible, the scripture speaks often about how important our thoughts are and how they shape our lives. For example, proverbs 23 and 7, it says for as he thinks in his heart, so is he right. Another, I guess, translation is as a man thinketh, so is he. It shows us that our thoughts determine our reality, because what we think about ourselves and what we think about dating will impact the kind of experiences that we have. If we think we're not worthy or that good men are hard to find, our actions will reflect that.
Speaker 1:If we think that this is hopeless or it's a waste of our time, like I'll have clients tell me they first start working with me. They're like well, I believe that I can have this kind of man. I believe I can do this. And I'm like if you believe you can do it, then how come this is how you're showing up on the apps? How come this is how you're showing up on the call? Like we already know that the way that you're showing up is what your mindset is. Like I don't care what you're telling me out of your mouth, okay, I don't care.
Speaker 1:And then we look at Romans 12 and two. It states do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, and I take that scripture to heart. I take that scripture to heart because I'm looking at the world and how the rest of the world is treating dating as if it's something that is a burden, as if it's a problem, as if it's a distraction. The only reason why you feel this way is because your mind has not been transformed. You have conformed to the pattern of this world and not been transformed by the renewing of your mind. Okay, if you are not putting yourself out there because you fear rejection, you have not been transformed by the renewing of your mind. If you have not been able to secure a date because you feel like you've been too drained and exhausted, you have not been transformed by the renewing of your mind. If you doubt that there's quality men that are out there that are attractive and exciting to you, you have not been transformed by the renewal of your mind. It's how you think will change the outcomes of your dating lives, more than any kind of strategy that I have for you, okay.
Speaker 1:So for this episode, I want to talk about the common mindset traps that I see most of you guys going through, whether you are simply a podcast listener or you are a client. And then the mindset that you absolutely need to have if you want to succeed in 2025 in your love life. Okay, so the first mindset trap that I'm noticing that you guys are going through is the destination mindset. A lot of you have the destination mindset, and a destination mindset in dating is when you only care about reaching a specific goal when it comes to your love life. Like, your goal is I need to be in a relationship, I need to meet my man, I need to be married, I need to have this, I don't have a ring. That is a destination mindset. Instead of you enjoying the process of meeting new people and learning about yourself, like you're focused on I need to get across the finish line and you missed everything that's happening along the way. So your core belief when you have a destination mindset is I need to get to a certain point to feel like I'm succeeding in dating.
Speaker 1:Okay, and some examples other examples of what this sounds like is when I have clients come to me or women come to me and say oh, I'm a relationship person, tora, I'm not. I can't be single. That, to me, is already indicated that you have a destination mindset Like I'm a relationship person and it's like no, everyone is a relationship person. Everyone needs to know how to relate, but we don't all. We don't need a relationship in order to feel a certain kind of way. Whenever someone says they're a relationship person, it's that person needs a relationship to feel better. They need to be in a relationship to feel safe, stable, secure, validated, and if they don't have that relationship, they feel antsy and anxious. They feel like things are not complete. And that's destination mindset.
Speaker 1:Another example of a belief or a thought is I've been dating but I still don't have a man. Okay, or why is it taking so long to meet somebody? I feel like I'm wasting so much time. Or I don't want to go on another date because I'm tired of starting over. I don't want to meet a new person because I'm tired of starting over. Those are destination mindset thoughts. And the problem with these thoughts is it makes dating feel really, really stressful, really disappointing, because you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and the other person, or you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and the dating apps pressure on the dating pool instead of just seeing where things are headed to. And this doesn't mean that you just go with the flow. It simply means that I'm doing what I can and I'm trusting my journey along the way right. It also leads to impatience to achieve a specific relationship milestone and when you get impatient, you choose the wrong men. When you get impatient, you settle. When you get impatient, you end up going exclusive early, too early, too premature with the man because you have a destination mindset. A destination mindset leads to you feeling frustrated, as if you're racing to a finish line so you may overlook a lot of red flags just so that you can reach the goal faster. A lot of red flags just so that you can reach the goal faster.
Speaker 1:I know that back in the day, when I had my group program open for people to join, I always knew when someone joined the program and they, like, met somebody and they decided that they would, they were going to stop the program to date the person and they would date the person exclusively. I already knew, okay, she's going to come back and she's going to be upset with the fact that she stopped the program because she's at the destination, she has a destination mindset versus let me do this program, let me make sure I take care of me, let me make sure I learn these skills, let me make sure I get my mindset right before I commit to any man and she's like oh, I got the man, I don't need the program anymore. And I'm like girl no, you need the program because if it doesn't work out, what are you going to fall back on? What skills will you have? How will you set yourself back up to move forward? If you do not complete the program? And I already knew, I'm like hey, they're going to go exclusive early and they're going to forget all about their skill set because they're destination minded. They're going to settle and I've never been wrong about that, never been wrong.
Speaker 1:Instead of you having a destination mindset going into 2025, I want you to adopt what I call the journey mindset. This is the mindset that I have adopted. This is the mindset that I have adopted. This is the mindset that I help my clients adopt my most successful clients, the clients who are unstoppable. The clients who are always on an upward trajectory. The clients who are always attracting better men. The clients who are always able to move on quickly from disappointments are the ones who adopt this mindset.
Speaker 1:And a journey mindset is all about enjoying the ride when it comes to dating, instead of stressing over whether every date is you know, can he be my man? Is he the one? Or rushing to lock down a relationship? Or on dating apps not swiping right because you're like, I can't see him as my man. Right? Apps not swiping right because you're like I can't see him as my man, right? You're focused on the experience itself.
Speaker 1:When you have a journey mindset, when me having a journey mindset, I'm about having fun. I'm about being curious. I'm about appreciating each step, even if it doesn't lead to something serious. I'm not worried about reaching the finish line, even though I have a finish line. I'm not worried about that, I'm worried. I'm more concerned about learning and enjoying along the way. Right? I want you to think about if you had to take a road trip, and you're taking this road trip from New York and you're going all road trip from New York and you're going all the way to California, like you're driving for days.
Speaker 1:Right Now, we could either sit in the car and think, oh, it's going to take me so many days to get to California. It's going to take me two weeks to get to California from New York. It's going to, I'm going to have to drive this and I'm going to have to pump the gas and it's going to take forever to get to California. Or you can be like oh well, here are some pit stops that we can make along the way and here are some places that we can visit along the way, some sites that we can look at along the way, and I'm going to look out the window and join the sites. I'm going to talk with my friends in the car. I'm going to look out the window and join the sites. I'm going to talk with my friends in the car. I'm going to listen to a podcast in the car. I'm going to learn this in the car. I am just going to really indulge in the next couple of weeks as I drive to California and I am going to find all the places that I can appreciate and have gratitude for the fact that I could even drive this car in the first place. I'm going to really explore the sites and really appreciate, when I get to California, that I took in everything that I could, everything that I could. So I want you to imagine it that way.
Speaker 1:When you have a journey mindset, your core belief is the process of dating is valuable, even if it doesn't lead to a relationship right away, even if it doesn't lead to marriage in during the time that I set for myself. And the reason why dating is so amazing and enjoyable for me and my clients is because we find the enjoyment and appreciation at every step. When I go on dates, I appreciate every day, even if they don't work out, even if I know I'm never going to see this man again. I find the places in this date where I am enjoying myself or where he is showing up in a way that is pleasing to me, even if there are places where I feel like, okay, this is a harder date than usual. Like I find the appreciation in every date. I find the magic in every conversation, even if I don't want to see the guy again. I appreciate when I don't get what I want, because then I learn more about how I'm going to get what I want.
Speaker 1:I don't get on the dating apps and be like, oh, I didn't match with anyone today. I get on the dating apps and I thank God for the fact that I'm able to have access to people in different countries and continents at the palm of my hand, where I don't even have to leave my house. And even though I didn't match with anybody today, I'm just grateful for the opportunity, the journey of oh, look at these types of men on this app. Like, I may not be attracted to this guy, but I love the fact that I have access to you know, these cultured men or these intelligent men, and eventually I'm going to match with somebody on this app that matches with me, and typically I do. I don't freak out three days in a row. I don't match with anybody. I like I just get on there and I appreciate when I feel bad on this journey, because then I learn what I need to put in my, what I need to put into place. Is it a boundary? Is it a system I need to put into place? Do I need to learn a new dating skill?
Speaker 1:So one of my favorite clients, who she used to come to my clubhouse room a lot and she would hear my clients talk about all of their results and how men were showing up for them and the quality of men that was showing up for them. She had a really hard time believing that my client results could be hers. But you know what was different about her when she decided to work with me. She didn't work with me just to get those results. She didn't work with me and say, tori, I got to have that man, I got to have, you know, I got to get flewed out like them. I need to be able to land a relationship like them. Like that's not how she came to me. She said I want to be the best I can be as a woman. I want to be able to show up the best that I can be.
Speaker 1:And this woman took her time. She started working with me in formation when I had that program the program no longer exists, we closed that out and then she started working with me and my group program, c2c, which is closed to the public right now, and she was able to attract a caliber of man that she never believed would even look her way. And she's a single mom and she's over 40. She's almost 50 years old and she also attracted attracted, attractive, generous men in her life that she didn't think was possible for her as an older woman with a younger child, as a single mom, and it wasn't because she came in focusing all right, tori, give me the skills so I can get in this relationship, or give me the skills so I can meet these kinds of men. She was like just, I want the skills to become a better woman. That was her mindset. So therefore, she was able to enjoy the journey to get to that point and whenever she had setbacks setbacks maybe it didn't work out with a particular guy or she didn't land a date, like whenever she had setbacks she always came with gratitude. She, like, her mindset was always focused on what. Here's what I learned about the process and here is the skill that I developed in the process. Here's what I know.
Speaker 1:In the process, her, her mindset was always on that, and so when people see her now, they're like oh, she's a role model, like when new clients come in and like, they look up to her, they admire her. A lot of them want to be her friend, they love the results that she's getting in her life with the men that she's dating. It started with her mindset, her commitment to her mindset to be better. So when she implemented her strategy, it's nothing for her because her mindset is where it is, and I absolutely love talking to her because I already know she's going to have results, no matter what, no matter if she has a setback, no matter if she has a winning streak. There's results because her mindset is focused on her and the journey and becoming better on the journey versus I need a relationship, I need a relationship, I need a relationship.
Speaker 1:And when you have this journey mindset, you will like dating will be lighter, more enjoyable, because you've taken the pressure off. I want you to think of a hose and you're watering a garden and if you are clenching the hose with your fist and stopping the water from coming out, the flowers can't be watered because you have so much pressure. But if you release the pressure, the water will come out and freely water the garden, you will always bear fruit. But you cannot do that when you have a destination mindset. You will also be able to take time and enjoy your dates and connections, even if they don't go anywhere, because you have a journey mindset and you will prioritize authentic experiences over rushing toward a relationship, and this will lead you to higher quality men faster. This will lead you to quality dates faster. This will lead you to being able to meet quality men offline and online faster. This will lead you to have your destination of a relationship faster than you focusing on the relationship. If you focus on the journey, you will enjoy yourself. That will take off the pressure, that will allow you to open yourself up to all different opportunities and you will be able to have what you want faster, quicker and better. Think about you traveling from New York city in your car to LA Okay, in your car to LA okay.
Speaker 1:The next mindset trap that I see a lot of you succumbing to is the all or nothing mindset, and the all or nothing mindset happens when you look at your progress while dating. So you're dating and you're taking a look at what's happening in your love life and you're either judging it as a total success or a total failure. So you feel like you're either winning or losing at dating, with no in-between stages, and that's just not the right way to think about it. So your core belief is if things don't work out perfectly, I failed, okay. So some example thoughts that you might have when you have an all or nothing mindset is I feel like I'm wasting my time. This means that this thought might come up when you go on a date with a guy and it turns out not to be what you want, you feel like you're losing.
Speaker 1:Or you go on a dating app and you don't match with anybody in three days and you feel like you're losing. Or you go out in public and you're not approached and then you feel like you're losing instead of oh, I finally like I went on a date and I was able to be present in my body while engaging with this guy. I don't think we're going to do anything, or I don't think that we're going to be in a relationship, but I love that I was able to do that and I love. I don't think that we're going to be together because we're out of alignment, but I do love his perspective on business. Or I love his perspective on spirituality. I was able to uncover certain things that I didn't know I liked in a man. Instead of it didn't lead to nothing, so it was a waste of my time.
Speaker 1:Or when you're on a dating app and you don't match with anybody, instead you're like wow, I really got on here and I did it for five minutes without pressuring myself. So, instead of you having an all or nothing mindset, you see, or instead of you thinking you know I'm either winning or losing. You are always able to find progress. You are always able to see progress. So you don't think, oh, nothing is working because I didn't match with somebody, or modern dating is trash, like it's either a win or a lose. There are no just wins or losses, it's all progress. And if you think all or nothing, like if I'm not succeeding, I'm losing, you are going to hate dating, you are going to judge yourself harshly, you're going to have difficulty seeing your progress and because of that, you're going to feel defeated and give up. Right, if you're deleting your dating apps, if you have taken a long hiatus away from dating, it is because you have an all or nothing attitude or mindset.
Speaker 1:So I might have a client who comes to me and they might have two weeks of success on the dating app and they're like yeah, we're attracting these men, we're matching. It's amazing. And in the third week that they experienced a challenge. Then they come to the coaching call and they're like I almost didn't come to the call because things were bad last week, things didn't work well this week and I have to again, we have to do mindset work on the call because they went back to default setting of all or nothing. I'm like, why would you say that? Because you had one week where you didn't get what you wanted? I mean, think about business. Think about business. You get clients two weeks in a row and the third week you don't get clients. Now you shouldn't be in business. That is the cycle of things. That is how the world works. In cycles you can't think that you're going to get what you want every single week or every single day. It doesn't work like that. We need to be looking for progress. Like I may have not got the client, but I was consistent at creating content or I was consistent at delegating. So, yeah, I may not have been on a date last week or I may not have matched with anybody, but what I was consistent in showing up, that is the win.
Speaker 1:Or a client may land a date after no dates for months. Right, maybe she started working with me and she's finally going on her first day after six to nine months of no dates, but then, if there is no second date, she might come to the coaching call, going back to default settings. This is why we have to do a lot of mindset work in one-to-one coaching. She doesn't get a second date and she's like I just feel like I'm not going to find the one. I feel like this is a waste of my time and we have to go into. All right, you went back to default settings. All right, let's go ahead and reset, because you literally just landed a date after no dates and now we're going to say it's either all or nothing. Torah, we're not going to do that. We're going to reset your mind so that you can get back on track, and so we use the coaching call to do that as well as homework.
Speaker 1:Or there might be a client who have met a guy like she, met a guy she's really excited about after maybe years of not meeting a guy she was excited about. And if it doesn't work out, she could come to the coaching call, back to default setting, saying, oh, I just don't know if love is cut out for me, and then we have to reset and go back to okay, like you defaulted to all or nothing. It is time to reset so that we can get you back on track. And how I get them back on track is through the growth mindset. Growth mindset is about seeing dating as a chance to learn and grow. Every date, every connection, whether it goes well, whether it doesn't go well, it teaches us something valuable about ourselves. It teaches us about what we are actually looking for. So, instead of feeling like you failed if something doesn't work, you ask yourself what did I learn from this? It's all about getting better at understanding yourself and building stronger relationships over time.
Speaker 1:Now, when you have a growth mindset, your core belief is every dating, every dating experience, teaches me something about myself or what I want. So, for example, I had a client who one of her goals was to be able to finally have some physical intimacy with the man. That wasn't sex, it was more so like hugging and cuddling, and when it did not work out the way she wanted it to, meaning that this man actually wanted to have sex with her, and she didn't want to have sex. Her default was like oh, men want to use me. I'm not making the progress that I want here, and so we had to reset her for the growth mindset and say like, what did you learn? Here, though? You actually learn what boundaries you need to be implementing when you want to be physically intimate with the man. Right, it's not sex, but you still need to have boundaries around, okay, before I'm physically intimate with the man. Here's what I need. Here's what I need to know before I do that, and so that created a growth mindset within her to what she's like. Okay, yeah, I am much more clear on my boundaries. I am able to. This is what I was able to learn and grow from, and so I know for the next time when I want something, I know how to implement these boundaries versus oh, oh man, what is sex? I'm wasting my time. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, we don't need to go there.
Speaker 1:You get to learn about what communication styles you prefer, what dates you want to have, what kind of partnership do you want long-term? You get to learn when you're self-abandoning right, and self-abandoning is when you are doing things that you would love to be a no to, but you're people pleasing because you care about other people's feelings more than your own. I learn when I'm in fantasy, right, I like to learn like, okay, tor, like. This is where you're in fantasy with this man, where you're not really seeing this man for who he is. Versus, oh, another man buys the dust. I'm wasting my time. Like, no, like here, here is where you were in fantasy, where you really didn't see him for who he really is. And now you do.
Speaker 1:I am able to learn when I'm over-investing versus thinking all or nothing, like I'm wasting my time or I should have never done that or I'm losing. I never think that about myself. I always think what am I learning here? I always have a growth mindset of what did I learn? What do I need to learn? What skills do I need to develop here so that I can keep getting better here? Because I'm never wasting my time in dating. I'm always learning. I'm always growing. Dating is a spiritual practice for me. I'm always growing. Dating is a spiritual practice for me. I'm always getting closer to who I am as a woman. I'm always getting closer to God when I'm doing this work. So I never think it's all or nothing. That's not what life is about. That's not what being human is about.
Speaker 1:And when you have a growth mindset, every experience feels like a step forward, every experience. I don't care if you think it's a setback. It is always a step forward, because you should always be learning something from your stepbacks, always, even if it's super, super small, right. So, for example, me going on a date and there's a setback. I feel like it's a setback because I went on a date with a man who was maybe condescending for whatever reason, because he was uncomfortable. That wouldn't be a setback for me, it would be a step forward, because I'm like okay, what signs did I miss previously that could have told me or how could I vet for this, before I even get on the date. And when I'm on the date, how do I handle this in a more, in a less defensive manner? Okay, this in a more, in a less defensive manner.
Speaker 1:Okay, when you have a growth mindset, you reflect on the lessons from each date or relationship. You don't just think it's a waste of time. You think about what lesson did I learn? And then you also take these experiences whether it's on a dating app or you're meeting men in person, or you're going on a date or a connection ends, you look for self-improvement. How can I create clear communication here? How can I create a better boundary here? How can I do less over-investing here? How can I develop this skill more? I'm trying to grow. I have a growth mindset, not an all or nothing mindset, right? I would think to myself oh, this date didn't go perfectly, but now I know more about what I need. That is, a growth mindset, and when you have a growth mindset, you will always improve your skills. That will lead you to better men. You will always improve your capabilities for you to have better dating experiences. You will feel more reflective and relaxed than anxious. You will be more at peace and confident because you're not concerned about forcing things to happen. You're using each opportunity as a practice. You're using each opportunity in order to be a better person, a better woman, and think about how you are going to improve your love life with every single moment. That is what happens when you have a growth mindset, and when you have a growth mindset, your love life is gonna grow.
Speaker 1:There's actually one tool that I help my clients with their growth mindsets. It's a dating scorecard, and with this dating scorecard, they're able to reflect on the men that they're dating, the dates that they have, how they learn about themselves. They are able to identify areas where they can improve for future interactions. They reflect on the highlights of their dates. They think about the things that have bothered them, that didn't feel right about the date, and they also are able to reflect on what they're thankful for. So every single date, they're able to make progress because they reflected on the last date versus thinking it didn't go to nothing, so I'm losing it and pan out we didn't have a second date, so I'm losing. So my clients are always able to make progress because they're always reflecting, they're always looking to grow, okay.
Speaker 1:So the third mindset pitfall that I'm noticing that a lot of lover girls are getting caught up in is the scarcity mindset, and the scarcity mindset is when you believe that love is a limited resource. When you believe that men is a limited resource, okay, it's when you feel like there isn't enough for you. There aren't enough quality men, there aren't enough attractive, exciting men available for you, or love is something that's hard to find, or love is something that's running out, and this will make you feel stressed and rushed and even desperate to settle or to hide. Okay, the core belief here is love is limited and I might miss my chance. Love is limited and I might miss my chance. And so some of the example thoughts that I hear you guys have is oh, most of the men that I'm looking for are already taken and already married.
Speaker 1:Or if you are dating a guy, I noticed that you might settle with a particular guy because you're like, in the back of your mind, you're saying, if I don't make this work, I might miss out on a good man, versus actually going and getting the man that is aligned with you and who meet your standards. Another example thought is that there's barely any quality men left. Again, these are all scarce thoughts. Scarce thoughts are leading you to put up with things that you don't want to put up. Scarce thoughts are leading you to delete the dating apps. Scarce thoughts are leading you to go out and about and not be intentional about meeting the types of men that you want, and so it leads to you having anxiety, settling, clinging to unhealthy connections, anxious and desperate, as if you're competing for a scarce resource. And the thing is, love is abundant. Love is abundant, even romantic love is abundant. But scarce thoughts will have you thinking that you have to settle, and I see this really like. It even gets worse when you think that you're a special snowflake. So I'll have single moms, like I'll have a single mom that come to me and she doesn't realize that she's having scarce thoughts to me, and she doesn't realize that she's having scarce thoughts because she'll she. The reason why she's thinking scarcely is because she's like oh well, the men that I want aren't really interested in a woman like me and sometimes subconsciously, she doesn't know she's thinking that, but her actions are proving she's scarce because she doesn't even want to try, because she she doesn't want to put herself out there to be rejected.
Speaker 1:Scarcity or older women. I'll have women say well, tora, I'm over 40. I'm over 50. And they won't even put themselves out there, they won't get on dating apps, they won't even try to be intentional about dating because they have scarcity. Like the men my age want 20 year olds, they want 30 year olds. They have scarce thoughts. Those are scarce thoughts.
Speaker 1:To think that the men that you want only want 20 years old, 20 year olds, that's scarce. Yes, plenty of men want the 20 year olds, but not the men that you actually want. No, they don't. Or I'll have women say, oh, I'm plus size. They might not admit it to themselves. They might be like, yeah, big girls need love too. They might, you know, act like they have a lot of self-love, but when it comes down to that, if they're not putting themselves out there to date out of fear of being rejected to the men that they want, the self-worth is not high enough, the self-love is not high enough, and a lot of it comes from scarce thinking. I don't want to be rejected. The men that I want are not going to want to want my size, and that is not true. I've helped all, all of you. Okay, even when you guys talk about, oh, I live in LA and men only want racially ambiguous women, and I'm like, I have clients in LA who are dark skin, with natural hair, who are enjoying dating in LA, so, but these women also don't have scarcity mindset. You know what they have. They have abundant mindsets and this is a mindset that I help my clients develop. This is a mindset that I have adopted that has led me to attracting amazing men Anywhere I go.
Speaker 1:I don't think, oh, I'm a multiple six-figure business owner, I'm going to intimidate men. I don't think, oh, I'm also a single mom, I'm going to intimidate men. I don't think about any of those things. I don't think about scarcity or the fact that, because I am a mom, my body does not look like how it did before. I had a kid. Right, I could have stretch marks. I have, you know, different places on my body where I'm like, yeah, like this doesn't look like the young girls bodies that I'm looking at and I could be like, oh yeah, the men that I want don't want this body, but no, no, you're going to get this body. I have a lot of abundance around. Quality men want my body. Quality men want me as a single mom. Quality men want me even though I have a business that's considered successful. I don't think like that and I'm able to attract amazing men wherever I go, whether in dating apps or in person.
Speaker 1:Every time I post in my stories about, like, what the men are doing for me and how the types of men that I'm dating, people DM me and say where are you finding these men? Where are you finding? Somebody asked me where are you finding these niggas? Yo, like, where are you finding them? And it's everywhere. It's everywhere. I truly believe that the men that I want and the men that want me are always out there, even when my brain tries to convince me that they are not. Because my brain tries to do that. It tries to say, tora, they don't exist. Tora, this types of man doesn't exist. Because I'm always improving, I'm always setting a higher standard for the men that I want to date, like every six months, and my brain wants to say, tora, that doesn't exist and I shut it out. I'm like, nah, it does, I just haven't met them yet. And I always seem to meet those men every time I raise my standard.
Speaker 1:And having an abundance mindset is all about believing that there's more than enough love, more than enough amazing men out there for you. It's about letting go of the fear that you're running out of time and that all the good ones are taken, and instead, instead, you trust that the right man, the right men, the right experiences, the right dates, the right romance will come into your life at the right time. And so you approach dating with confidence and ease, and this mindset helps you relax and enjoy the process without feeling desperate or rushed. This is why I am not rushing to go exclusive with any of the men that I'm dating, because I because, just because I want kids right, just because I want marriage, I have abundance. People are like, well, what if they walk away? Tori, let them walk away, they can walk away if they want to. That's okay.
Speaker 1:I have an abundance mindset. This is why, if I get on a dating apps and I don't match with anyone for a week or for two weeks, I don't trip. I'm not tripping. I'm like, oh, this is just a cycle that I'm in. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and something will fall through. Something always falls through. This is why I'm not tripping If I go on three dates in a row and it's with men that I absolutely never want to see again. I have so much abundance. I don't think, oh man, this is the pickings out here. No, I don't think like that. I'm like, oh, okay, well, I have another opportunity to match with more men. There's more men. They just have not met me. I have an abundance mindset.
Speaker 1:I have a core belief that there's enough love, there's enough romance, there's enough attractive quality men out there for me to meet the right ones. My thoughts are attractive, quality men are everywhere. I just haven't met them yet. Plenty of men I want to marry exist. Plenty of the men I want want to marry a woman like me. Plenty of them. I just haven't met them yet. There are plenty of men waiting to please me. This is why I don't have a problem attracting provider men who take care of things, who pay bills, who send me gifts, who show up for me mentally and emotionally is because I have an abundant thought that plenty of men waiting. There are plenty of men waiting to please me. I have an abundance mindset there, because having this mindset leads you to trust that love is available and what's possible.
Speaker 1:And when you trust, you're not going to feel stressed about timelines or competition and dating. I am wanting children and I'm not stressed about it. I'm going to like I'm in my late thirties, I'm not stressed about it. The more stressed I will. Let's just say if I'm stressed I am going to increase my chances of infertility because that's going to weigh on my body. It doesn't make sense to stress out about any of it. Okay, I also trust that rejection is always going to be the redirection toward a better match. It's always when men unmatch me that I'm really excited about. Yeah, I might initially feel like a biological response in my body, but I'm. I always say to myself okay, this is an opportunity to point you towards what you really want. That that wasn't what you needed, that wasn't what you wanted. This one didn't work out, but there's someone else out there and I consistently reinforce my abundant mindset that there's always going to be men available for me.
Speaker 1:I know one of my clients. She was plus size. Well, she's still plus size. But before we started working together, she had scarcity around whether quality men will want to date someone like her, whether she will be able to have long-term options and quality men and doing her work, working together, this woman created such an abundance mindset to where she was able to attract a man within a few weeks into working together and this man made sure she had the best fluid out experience that she's like. She's never had a fluid out experience all expenses paid, her own hotel room, her own driver, meals paid for throughout the day. And she was able to build a rotation and even go exclusive, using her abundance mindset of there's plenty of men who want plus size women. There's plenty of men who want plus size women. There's plenty of men who want plus size women.
Speaker 1:I had another client who had scarcity around men providing, thinking that men did not want to provide in modern day. Men did not want to be traditionally financially giving in modern day, be traditionally financially giving in modern day. And she also was able to develop an abundance mindset to where a man would ask to fly her out and she's like first class right. A man would offer her to you know, do something for her birthday, and she's asking specifically what she wants for her birthday, not thinking, oh, I'm going to scare this man off. It's like he's either going to say yes or no or he's going to walk away Right, and I'm not scared of that because there's always going to be another man. I have another client who had scarce thoughts of men who would be on her level financially, culturally, intelligently. And now she's dating men that she's intimidated by. She's dating men that she's intimidated by meaning that they have, like she's at the point where, like, these men have quote unquote surpassed her in these areas. Okay, I had another client who didn't think that there were men who would date a woman with kids under the like small kids, really small children. And she was able to build a rotation of several men while working together, who helped take care of her kids, who who took her on dates that included her kids, where the men were showing up and providing, you know, school items for the kids and just making sure they were all taken care of. And now she was able to create an abundance mindset around that and she will never have scarcity around men again because of her mindset.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the common pitfalls of mindset is destination mindset, where you're attached to the outcome. You need to be attached to your destination. You need to be in a relationship where you're not happy with what you got. Going on, all or nothing is when, if things don't work out perfectly, I've just failed. I'm either winning or losing, or it's scarcity mindset, meaning that love and men are limited.
Speaker 1:I want you to shift from those pitfalls and I really want you to detach from the destination and adopt the journey mindset, really looking at what is valuable, even if it doesn't work out for you, and then move into a growth mindset of where every dating experience teaches you something about yourself and what you want, and then an abundance mindset of where you believe there's more than enough love. There's more than enough quality men out there for you to find the right one. And if you really want help shifting your mindset if you have a problem with how you think about dating and it's causing you to quit, it's causing you to hide, it's causing you to suffer, because your mindset is giving you 80% of the results in your love life I encourage you to work with me. I encourage you to book a sales call to learn more about how I can help you. Working with me, you will attract more high quality men because your mindset will start drawing in the kinds of men who are ready for commitment, who value you, value you for who you are and bring positive energy into your life. I will help you go on more dates with men that you are actually excited about, because when you shift your mindset, you will not feel like you have to compromise your mindset. You will not feel like you have to compromise, you will have higher confidence and you will easily meet men who align with your values and lifestyle. Working with me, you will create real connections with men faster that lead to commitment, because when you shift your mindset, you will stop overthinking, you will stop putting the pressure on yourself and you'll start connecting with men who are serious about building something real. You'll cut through all the small talk and get to the meaningful stuff fast.
Speaker 1:Work with me in 2025 to shift your mindset, to shift your entire dating life. If you're interested in working with me, go ahead and book your sales call at the link in the show notes, or go to my Instagram and book your call there from my bio. So I girl, it's 2025. You cannot have the same mindset as last year and have last year's results. You have to shift it this year. I'm really, really excited about it. So, yeah, leave a review on the podcast if this episode has really helped you in some kind of way. I love reading the uh, the reviews, and until next time, bye.