Date with Cents
Date with Cents
3 Habits Of Women Who Inspire Men To Freely Invest In Them
Do you ever feel like getting men to step up and invest in you takes too much effort?
In this episode, I’m breaking down three habits that women who effortlessly inspire men to give their time, energy, and resources use every day.
These aren’t tricks or games—they’re practical, real-life ways to show up with confidence and set the tone for how you want to be treated.
You’ll hear examples of how these habits can make men excited to show up for you, whether it’s planning thoughtful dates, supporting your goals, or simply making your life easier.
If you’re tired of feeling undervalued or like you’re settling in your love life, this episode will give you the tools to turn things around and start attracting the generosity and effort you deserve.
Want to enhance your lifestyle by having men add value to your everyday life?
Join the Well-Pleased Woman Workshop HERE
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl, welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. I'm so excited to connect with you again. I'm feeling really grounded, really excited, really optimistic. Just I'm in a really good spot right now. I'm actually just getting back from Tennessee. I spent time there celebrating Big Body Benz's birthday and that was great.
Speaker 1:And before then I had a really amazing relaxing weekend right before I went to Tennessee that my front runner planned for me my ride or die and it was so good he started off with I posted in my stories. But he started off with a really nice dinner where he presented me a letter that said that well, going back last year he he loaned my business, his business, his company loan, mine company 15K and he gave me a letter that stated that I didn't have to pay back one red cent of that money. And that was an amazing start to my relaxation weekend. The second day he planned a massage and then he also surprised me. He gave me a tour of his new home and then he surprised me in the backyard he had an outdoor screening, like he set up this. Uh, he set up this outdoor screening where there was like, uh, there was chairs, he had a fire pit and then he had the projector screen that projected onto his house and it was so good. And he chose one of my favorite genre of movies, which is dystopian fiction. It was such a great time. He had snacks, twizzlers, popcorn. It was a great experience.
Speaker 1:And the reason why he planned this particular weekend because he wanted to take me on vacation to Key West. But I was like I actually don't have capacity to have that big of a vacation because I already planned to go to Tennessee and I know, when I go on vacays or I'm away from home like that I tend to. I tend to have a hard crash when I get home and it's really hard for me to work or exercise because I'm sleeping all the time. So I was like, hey, I actually, you know, I have so much planned, I don't want to leave home, can we do something in town? He was like, okay, I will plan you the most relaxing weekend ever. And it was um and he even took me that I posted some of this in my stories. I did not post um, there were parts of it I did not post, but he, the parts that I did not post is he knows that I'm such a huge coffee lover and so after the massage he's like I plan for us to go grab coffee and just enjoy ourselves. And that was before the surprise of the outdoor movie screaming that he had.
Speaker 1:And then he picked me up the next morning to go to brunch at one of our favorite steak houses. I had never been to their brunch before and I always said I really want to have their brunch because I want steak and eggs. And when you go to most diners, steak and eggs is like it's all right. Right Because a steak. You don't typically expect for those people to really those cooks to be really good at cooking steak. But this steakhouse specializes in steaks and I'm like I want real good ribeye steak and eggs. And he took me there. So it was oh, I'm just, I'm over the moon, I'm really over the moon. These men have been, they've been, they've been doing that thing Right and shout out to you guys for doing your thing.
Speaker 1:What I mean by that is by leaving reviews on the podcast. I really appreciate you guys showing up leaving reviews on the podcast. This most I'm going to read this one from Miss Asha Bell. She says the best podcast on dating ever. She says I don't even know where to start? The authenticity, the boldness, the clarity, the empowerment. I am absolutely addicted. I don't even like long podcasts, but I cannot get enough. Thank you so much for the gems. This is exactly what I need Someone who keeps it real and expands my mind enough to see what's truly available to me. Just wow, shout out to you and I read all of the podcast reviews. So thank you for those who leave written reviews. It also helps the algorithm for people to be able to find us and shout out to everyone who sent me DMs this past week when I shared some of my experiences that I was having with the men that I was dating and how they were showing up for me, and a few of you guys said that you follow me because I make dating and dating with quality and quality men feel very attainable, considering that.
Speaker 1:You know I wear little to no makeup. I, you know I have locks. I'm like I'm your average black girl. So I know that some of you were mentioning that sometimes you follow content and it's made to seem like you have to really change the way you look or to really appear to maybe fit into someone like the image of Lori Harvey or some of these other celebrities, but you have stated to me that it makes it feel very attainable to you because I'm very I'm like, I'm average, and that's what I was going for. That's what I was going for to show you that average women can have extraordinary experiences. Average looking women can enjoy extraordinary experiences and not like we don't have to fit this cookie cutter mold of you know what the celebrities are doing or what women who have tons of access to you know fame, right and unlimited wealth. Like we can, we can do it too, and so, yeah, I'm just really excited about that.
Speaker 1:Speaking of average, I have this Instagram live snippet that I'm about to share with you of the three habits of women who inspire men to freely invest in them, because we typically think that, oh, you have to look a certain way or act a certain way for men to want to invest in you, and some of you guys are like, well, tora, you know, there was a guy that told me I had pretty privilege, and I went back and I started sharing all the photos of me when I wasn't so quote unquote pretty, when I wasn't quote unquote looking like a standard of beauty, and I've even showed these photos to men that I'm currently dating and they're like blown away by the transformation. But I've always, always been in a position to be able to get what I want, and no matter if I thought that I didn't look the best or presented the best, I still believed in myself, and I want you to know that if you're able to believe in yourself as well, you can have these experiences too, and the focus should just be in how you're showing up, and so not doing things to pedestalize men or to make men the center of your decisions. All you got to do is start putting yourself first. You're not even going to just see men operate differently towards you, but you're going to actually see your own appearance, start to change your own glow, start to come in, and so today I'm going to just share the three habits of women who inspire men to freely invest in them that anybody can do to start seeing results extremely quickly. And this particular live is sponsored by my upcoming workshop, the Well-Pleased Women Workshop, that I'm having this upcoming Saturday from 10 AM to 2 PM, central standard time. This is the. If you're listening to this podcast, you still have time to sign up for it for Saturday, and on during this workshop, I'm going to show you, I'm going to teach you in the moment. It's not a lecture. It's a live, interactive session where I teach you how to ask for men what you want, how to attract men who are going to invest in you, and how to inspire the generosity in men who are going to invest in you in this workshop. I do this once a year, so if you're waiting for the next time I do it, I will be doing it again next year. It's $197. I will have the link of the show notes that you get so that you can enroll and, yeah, go ahead and without further ado, here is the Instagram live.
Speaker 1:A lot of us women, especially specifically us high achieving women of faith, we struggle to have men show up for us the way we want to, mainly because of good girl syndrome, and I see how big of a problem this is, because whenever I post about what men have done for me, what men have financially invested in for me, and the fact that it's multiple men, there are people who are either in my DMs One woman said I'm paying men to do this there are people that respond in my comment section saying that I'm scamming men, that I'm robbing men. There are people that say that I'm not being honest with these men. It's all kind of like belief system where someone's like well, what are you doing for these men, what are you doing? So it's all. Anytime I talk about how men invest in me, it's so unbelievable to some people, but that they come up with all kinds of reasons why this is a problem, where people are like well, I will feel bad if I was you because of I don't feel like I'm. You know men should be doing that for me, and I understand that you feel like men should not be doing that for you. I understand that. That's the conditioning that you have. That is not my. That is not where I am. I have been conditioned that way. I completely understand why you feel that way, but I'm not there with you. I have been conditioned that way. I completely understand why you feel that way, but I'm not there with you.
Speaker 1:I have a specific standard, and I require for men to invest in me, even if they're just casually dating me. Okay, I'm not in an exclusive relationship with any man. I am currently a single woman, and so the men that are investing in me, they are not in relationships with me, and that's another thing. People can't understand. How come these men are willing to do this? I posted in my stories how one of the guys that I'm dating he, his company loaned me my business $15,000. And literally he forgave the loan for Christmas. He said I didn't have to pay one red cent at all. And people were saying how did you get this man to do this? And he's not even your man, he's not even your man. I posted about another guy that I'm dating sending me you know I asked for I was talking about me wanting a new bed comforter for the winter time. I talked about me wanting a massage and he sent over the money he, he mailed me the comforter. Again, these are men that I am not exclusively in a relationship yet they are investing in this way Now as high achieving women of faith who have been conditioned with good girl.
Speaker 1:I understand, I've been conditioned that way. We avoid asking for what we want because it seems selfish, right or demanding. We stay quiet about our feelings to avoid rejection or criticism and we go. We tend to go with the flow of things Okay, even when it doesn't align with our needs, and so I put a poll in my most recent post about what men were, how men showed up for me in just one week and the poll options were. That question that I asked in the poll was when was the last time a man served and supported you? And the first one was basically like recently, I feel very spoiled. The other one was it was it has been a couple of months, another one was it's been a few years and the last one is like I have no idea what that looks like. Is this even real? And the majority of the votes were in the last category of is this even real for me? We are left feeling undervalued, we are frustrated, we are resentful while we're dating. We feel taken advantage of while dating. But I'm telling you, you can inspire men to invest in you and you will start to operate differently. Okay, operate differently. And today I'm going to show you, I'm going to talk about some of these habits of women who inspire men to invest freely.
Speaker 1:We might think it's a woman who has to look a certain way. We might think it's a woman who has to dress a certain way or who have to act a certain way, and I know for me, a lot of people you know say like you have to act this way. You have to act this, this way and I don't act in that. What they call like this is what a woman should act like in order to for men to show up for her. I don't do those things. I'm loud, I laugh loud, I cackle, I'm loud when I talk, right, they say, oh, you shouldn't be a loud woman. I am loud, okay, I curse. When I say curse, I use profane language. You're like oh, a real woman, a lady, should never use that language. I use that language. I do not not use that language.
Speaker 1:When I'm dating these men, I operate as how I would speak if I, if I was in my home regularly, right? Um, I go out in public and I do things that make me happy. That might be dancing, that might be singing. I do not act, I do not subscribe to. Okay, I got to act a certain way so that when men look at me, they know that I'm a decent woman. I don't try to be a decent woman. I pole dance, right. I don't try to act like a decent woman to get men to invest in me, and I will never do that. Okay, and I've been able to show up the way I want to show up and how I want to show up because I do not put men on a pedestal Doesn't mean that I look down on them or demean them. I absolutely love men. Love, love, love. They are amazing, okay, they're absolutely amazing. But I come first. I am the first. I'm going to invest in myself first.
Speaker 1:So let's get into these habits, the three habits of women who inspire men to invest in them. It's more about how you're showing up versus how you look or what you're doing for men. So the first habit of women who really inspire men to invest in them is they have a habit of clearly expressing what they want. Ok, what this means is you're not afraid to clarify, okay. You're not afraid to clearly state what your needs are. You're not afraid to clearly state what your desires. Are you, these women who inspire these men, right If you were to do this? These men appreciate direct communication because it eliminates the guesswork and it shows that you're confident in what you want. Men want to please us. They want to see us happy, but they cannot read our minds happy, but they cannot read our minds. Okay, asking directly for what you want makes it easier for these men to step up and deliver for you.
Speaker 1:What most of us tend to do, as high achieving women of faith who've been conditioned to be a nice girl, a good girl, is that we think that asking directly makes us seem demanding, it makes us seem entitled, it makes us feel like we're doing too much or too you know, we're doing the most that's. Or, like that woman said, like I'm scamming or robbing. What we tend to do is what high robbing, what we tend to do is what high achieving women of faith tend to do is we drop hints, right. We drop hints and we'll be like oh, my birthday is coming, my birthday is coming. Oh, man, I, um, it would be nice for me to try this particular restaurant. I love flowers, I love phone calls right. We like, we drop hints, right.
Speaker 1:Or we stay quiet. We stay quiet and we convince ourselves to stay quiet because we're like a real man would already know to plan this kind of date. A real man would already know to bring me flowers. A real man would already know. And the thing is he doesn't, because a real man has a real mind, a realistic mind, and it's not reading yours. Every woman is different, every woman has a unique concern, every woman has different desires, and we must not assume that a man knows exactly what we want and so we'll stay quiet and we justify the real man would do it for me, and that's why I'm staying quiet, because a man has to take the lead.
Speaker 1:Or we say things like oh, you know whatever you want. Oh, whatever you want is fine, it all works. This leaves men confused and unmotivated, and I need y'all to understand that, biologically, men do not do well with multitasking. Okay, they do not, which is why they're able to really compartmentalize and really focus on a task at hand and get it done, as they're really focused on one thing. Okay, that's how they work best. And so we're like I need him to plan this and figure it out, figure out what I want and read my mind and do this and do that, versus giving him the path right, giving him the path to success, giving him the path right, giving him the path to success. So, instead of hinting at flowers, we need to be very clear and say oh, I love, like I actually love roses, I love, I love these, I love sunflowers. I would love if you would bring me some this week. I would love if you bring me some on our next date. I would love for you to gift them to me for my birthday. Okay, I would love it.
Speaker 1:Instead of saying whatever you want to do or whatever you plan, like if a man a man is like, I would love to take you on a date. Where do you want to go? And you're like you, you know, you just do it, and it's the first date. I don't know why we do this on the first date. We're like whatever you plan to do, I'm like this is the perfect time for you to number one, get what you want on the first date. Number two, vet this man and to see if he's able to give you what you want on the first date, versus him choosing something that you may not even be excited about and then you complaining about it and being resentful. So, instead of you like, oh, you know what do you have in mind, what do you want to plan, you say, oh, you know what? There's this new Italian place that just came into town. I've been absolutely dying to try it. I would love for you to take me there. I would love for you to take me there. I would love to do that. Or, man, I'm feeling very adventurous lately. I would absolutely love to go go-kart racing. I'd love for you to take me there, and after that I would love for you to take me for coffee after we go go-kart riding.
Speaker 1:Right, these are the things that I want in sequential order. So, being very specific. So, for example, when I want things from men, specifically clearly, when I want things from men, I do not throw hints. Okay, I do not throw hints. I let men know exactly what I want and how I want it. So many people are watching my stories and they're watching my posts and they're seeing how men are taking me to these places, these vacations. They're giving me these gifts. They are showing up for me. They're showing up for my son, right, I talked about how my son received some bad news recently and one of the guys took him out on his land to shoot it out, teaching him how to shoot it out. He had never used a gun before, teaching him gun safety, how to use the gun. That's the way he chose to show up for my son. Again, I do not throw hints, but what I'm saying is they're able to do these things because I have always been clear about what I want. I've always been clear on what I want them to do so now. They can easily anticipate my needs. They can easily anticipate my desires. They can easily show up for me. Because I've already been clear.
Speaker 1:I talk about how my birthday trip. I told one of the guys that I'm dating how I wanted to celebrate. I wanted him to take me to a specific city. I wanted him to take me to an amusement park. I wanted him to purchase me passes at this amusement park VIP passes, so I did not have to stay in line. I wanted him to take me kayaking on this trip. I wanted for him to take me out to dinner for my birthday and have one of my friends come out to join us for dinner. I wanted him to take me to allow me and my friend to walk around the boardwalk. I asked specifically for these things. I did not say when my birthday was coming up. I did not say well, my birthday is coming up, you know I have a birthday. I said, oh, here's my birthday, here's what I would love to do for my birthday, here's exactly the things that I would love. He made all of it happen Plus. And then some Guys, if you have questions, put the questions in the question box, because this chat is going fast and I'm not going to be in this chat.
Speaker 1:Someone says we are afraid to do that because they call us materialistic and gold diggers. I don't mind being called materialistic and a gold digger. I don't mind being called those things by men who don't want to do those things for me. If you think that I'm materialistic and a gold digger, it's okay with me. I'm fine with that. I'm super fine with that, because there are men who are going to show up for me. The men who are calling me materialistic and a gold digger don't have gold. They don't have materials. So why would I be concerned about a man with no materials and a man with no gold calling me a gold digger and materialistic? I have no concern for that. It's none of my business what you call me.
Speaker 1:Okay, and it's hard to get upset about a man calling you materialistic and a gold digger when so many men are investing in you. It's like you're materialistic and a gold digger and I'm on a great vacation. You're materialistic and a gold digger and I'm enjoying a spa day that has been paid for by a guy I'm dating. Like it's really hard for me to get upset at being called that when I'm being taken care of and served and supported over here, it's really hard for me to care. It's like it's like me having fun in the club and then you looking outside the club, calling me. You know, cringe when you hate outside the club. I'm in the club enjoying myself. You can't even get in. Okay, me asking help for my divorce. I was very clear about the support that I needed and getting help with my divorce and getting help with the filings, and I received that from one of the men that I was dating. He was like okay, that's all you need to do, bim, bim, bim, bim. Here's, let me do this for you here, let me make sure this happens, getting support there.
Speaker 1:When I wanted to build my pole studio in my house, I explained my vision of what I was looking for. I explained I wanted my pole, I explained where I wanted my pole, I explained where things needed to be put in my house and I told him what I wanted and he made it happen. One of the guys that I met that lives long distance. He said he was coming back to see me. When we first met he came back to see me. Before he came back to see me. I asked for three things that I wanted him to execute for me. I asked him to make sure that he provided a specific kind of meal that I was interested in. I wanted a specific African dish, as he's African. I asked for a spa and I asked for a cozy afternoon at a winery, and he made all of that happen. Again, if I want to just wait it for him to just show up, I might've not enjoyed the time the way I wanted to, but because I fully expressed what I wanted him to do, he was able to make that happen.
Speaker 1:And when I'm dating men, I do not act like I don't have a standard. Okay, a lot of us tend to just go with the flow. And if a man wants to go to a movie, we'll go. If a man wants to go for dinner and drinks, we'll go. If a man wants to go out at 8 pm at night, 9 pm at night, we'll just go, instead of considering what is my standard in all of this. So, for example, if you want me to go on a date with you after a certain time, my standard is I need a car to come get me to go to that date, or I'm just not going to go on the date. That is the standard. I do not pretend I don't have that standard.
Speaker 1:Another standard that I have is second dates. I am not open. Second dates have to be more creative than coffee and drinks. I'm all fine for meeting up for coffee and drinks for the first date, especially considering that I want to be able to walk away very quickly if I don't like you. Okay, I want to be able to have a low pressure environment. A low pressure environment so that I can walk away. Okay, whatever I want. So I don't care about coffee and drinks from the first date. The second date needs to be much more creative. Okay, so that's my standard. I do not hold that back. I communicate that when men do that. The other standard is I prefer for the men that I'm dating to take care of everything. I am not someone who, where you pay and I'm going to tip, that's just not me. That might be okay for other women and that's fine, right. I'm just. That's just not me. And so I will communicate that ahead of time. I will let them know. Like, what is date etiquette for you? Like, how do you want women to show up on dates? This is how I show up on dates. I'm actually unavailable for a 50-50 relationship and I want to be very, very clear with you ahead of time, before we go on a date, before we start dating each other.
Speaker 1:Regularly, when you ask men directly, men actually feel like they can succeed at making you happy. It makes them more confident and motivated to give to you Okay. This makes them more likely to invest in you because they see a clear path to success. They're not reading your mind, they're not trying to figure things out. If you're very clear and you're very direct, the men who are able to invest in you have a clear path to success to do so. Again, if you have questions, put your question in the question box. If this makes sense to you, put a one in the comment section and make sure you share this live to somebody who may need to see it. Go ahead and share this live. And also, if you're interested in signing up to my Well-Pleased Woman Workshop, put desire in the comment section. It's this weekend, at Saturday, from 10 am to 2 pm, central Standard Time. The replay is available. It's $197. Type desire. You will receive a link to be able to sign up for that. If you can't come in person. You can get the replay. I'm only doing this one time per year, okay.
Speaker 1:The second habit of women who inspire men to freely invest in them is they have a habit of expressing themselves freely. These women have a habit of expressing themselves freely. What it basically? These women express their personality freely, their thoughts freely, their feelings freely, freely, their ideas openly. They don't overthink, they don't worry about am I doing the right thing? Am I saying the right thing? They're honest and real.
Speaker 1:This goes back to me saying that I do not pretend to be somebody that I'm not. For example, when I mentioned earlier that I'm a loud woman, I laugh loud. I talk loud. When I mentioned that I use profanity, I don't subscribe to the rules, that, oh, I'm a lady and I shouldn't use those words, I use all those words and I break out in song and dance whenever I want to. Okay, I break out in a random compliment to men whenever I want to. I don't overthink or worry about should I say.
Speaker 1:I let a man know if I'm in love with him. I don't care if it's the first date, I don't care. I asked men can I kiss them? I asked men can I hold their hands on the first date I do not think about is this too much? Am I doing the right thing? Am I saying the wrong thing? I don't think about that at all. I just do it because I want to do it, and men typically feel closer to women who are honest and real about who they are, who are honest and real about what they think and feel, and being open allows both people to understand each other better and connect on a deeper level. If men do not appreciate how I show up, then those are the men that need to leave. It's important that they walk away from me. The other men are going to be like yo. She's absolutely amazing and my openness allows these men to be open. If you go on my Instagram and you see my good morning texts that I post from men, or you see the texts that men send to me in general, women are often asking like are these men love bombing you? How are they expressing themselves to you this way? They are expressing themselves to me this way because I am very expressive.
Speaker 1:I do not hold back. I do not wait for men to tell me they love me before I tell them first. I do not wait for men to make the first move in physical touch. Right, I'm quick to grab their hands, I'm quick to hug them, I'm quick to kiss them. Right, I do not hold back my thoughts in how handsome I think a man is. I do not hold back any of that.
Speaker 1:Okay, a lot of us high-achieving women of faith we have good girl syndrome, where we keep our true personality to ourselves and our thoughts and our feelings bottled up because we're so worried about being criticized, we're so worried about being rejected. So we tend to be a robot. If you, if you listening to this on the podcast, I'm doing the robot move Like this is. This is exactly how we operate. What should I say? What should I do? What's the right thing to say? If you are in your head thinking about these things, you're not being yourself. We are trying to stay quiet and we're worrying about what these men are thinking about us. What if they think we're gold diggers? What if they think we're too much? What if they think we're too loud? We shouldn't give like. None of that matters, because if they think that about you, they are not in alignment with you. Ok, they're not in alignment with you. If they think that about you, I'm sure there are plenty of men that have come into my presence and was like this girl is ridiculous. She is ridiculous and I'm OK with that because I have to.
Speaker 1:You cannot be magnetic if you are not a polar opposite to somebody. Magnetism requires that, right. You cannot be magnetic if you are not a polar opposite and I have to be a polar opposite to a particular kind of man. You think I want to appeal to dusty, boring men. You think I want to appeal to those men? You think I want to appeal to men who need me to act like a Barbie doll? You think I want to appeal to men that need me to keep quiet. You think I want to appeal to them, niggas, quiet. You think I want to appeal to them, niggas? You think I want to appeal to men who need me to be agreeable so that they can get their way Right. You think you think I want to appeal to those kinds of men you think I need? I want to appeal to men that need me to play small.
Speaker 1:When guys tell me oh, I don't date women who go on girls trips, I'd be like I go on a girls trip several times a year. I throw it out there. I go several times a year. I love girls trips. You think I'm going to be quiet about that? No, I'm going to be loud as hell. Oh, I go on girls trips all the time. I love my girls trips. It's time for you to make a decision. Make a decision about me, right?
Speaker 1:So if you're excited about something, share the excitement Like, oh man, oh, I saw the most beautiful sunset today. I saw the most beautiful sunset and it just made me think of how grateful I am. Literally this is how I would spend it. I love touching myself. I love touching myself. Oh, I just saw the most beautiful sunset today and it just made me excited. You know how grateful I am. I'm not going to think, oh, that's weird, that's weird to talk about. No, I'm going to talk about it, I want to talk about it. Or when you don't like something, you can just say, hey, you know, I really appreciate the effort and you planning this, but I'm not a fan of sushi. Can we try something else? Ok, can we try something else? Or, like me all the time.
Speaker 1:I just got back from celebrating the birthday of one of the guys that I'm dating this weekend. He's very shy and he doesn't like a lot of attention, even though he pulls a lot of attention because of how he looks. And we're at the airport and I literally just started singing this crazy song about how beautiful I think he is. Out loud at the airport, the baggage people that take bags were like staring at us. He was just standing there like looking like he. I know I know he had to be kind of like, oh my gosh, this girl is crazy, but I don't care, I don't care. He's like super shy and I'm singing all loud. The whole the airport outside, all of all of United, is like looking at me and I'm just like you know, this is me. I just want to show, let me show my love. Yeah, instead of saying so, instead of like oh, it's fine when something bothers you, you say, oh, I, oh, I appreciate you doing that, but that that made me feel uncomfortable. Can we talk about it? Like that made me feel uncomfortable. So those are examples. Those are specific examples.
Speaker 1:I remember I was out at. I was out at dinner. It was a really nice dinner. I was at a five-star restaurant with the guy and I mean we're eating like one of the steak, like we're eating like a hundred dollar steaks right, 115, $120 steaks. We have, uh, we have side items right Um, $30 side items. But you knew, but you know what I carried on and I, but you know, what I carried on and I got excited about was the coffee. The coffee came to the table. I asked for coffee. I always drink coffee after I have a nice steak. The coffee came to the table and I'm drinking. I'm like, oh my God, this coffee is so good. Everybody's eating these nice steaks and I'm going crazy at the table over the damn coffee. I called a waiter over and I was like sir, why is your coffee so good? I said we need to give him a tip for the coffee.
Speaker 1:Nothing about that was like, oh, it is too weird to her. Like you're, you're at a five-star place. You shouldn't act like this. You should, you should do something else, you should be more calm. Hell, no, I'm just, that's the coffee. And the people beside us were like, oh my gosh, like who are you guys? Um, and one of them ended up owning like several companies in the area, um, and then we started like. We started like connecting right, we started connecting um with each other and she was like, oh, let's keep in touch. But imagine me trying to look, all act, all stuffy, acting like who I that I don't. Acting like somebody, I'm not right. Acting like somebody, I'm not. And these people over here, like we're starting a conversation with people, all because I'm myself right, all because I'm self, I'm myself like yeah, we haven't.
Speaker 1:This coffee is the real main character. I mean, these steaks are good, but this, I don't know what y'all did with that. You know, or? Okay, guys, when you express yourself freely, men feel closer to you because they see the real you and it builds trust. Okay, it builds trust and makes them want to support your goals and happiness. They're like, oh, that's it, that's who she is. I love who she is. I love how, even though I'm shy, she's just going to be herself. I love how I'm quiet, she's going to be the loud one.
Speaker 1:Every single man that I date love the fact that I make sure their food is right and they want to be quiet and act like they. Cool, you know, they know their steak didn't come out the way and I'm like, hey, hi, you know, this steak is just a little bit more red than we asked for. Can you please take it back and brown it a little bit or the steak is too burnt. I'm always going to be with one. I think they appreciate that I'm never going to let them eat something that they don't like. They're not going to do it themselves, but anywho, habit number three. Habit number three of women who inspire men to freely invest, as they have a habit of expressing their boundaries.
Speaker 1:These women communicate what they're available for and what they're not available for, and they follow through with it. A lot of us claim we have boundaries and we don't follow through. We don't. The more you love yourself, the more you're going to follow through your boundaries. Okay, you're not going to say I'm not available for texts and not dates and then go weeks letting a man text you You're not going to do that, okay. These women do not go with the flow of what men want them to do. They do not. They do not let men push their limits. They do not allow men to guilt them into doing things they don't want to do. If you try to guilt me by saying, oh, you're a gold digger, materialistic, that's not going to guilt me into accepting less. It's going to inspire me to cut things off with you.
Speaker 1:Ok, boundaries signal self-respect. When you hold firm to your boundaries, you show that you value yourself and your time. Men naturally invest in women who respect themselves because it sets the tone for how these men should treat you. If you consistently honor your time for example, if you consistently honor your time by saying, hey, you know, I actually am unavailable to stay out late on weeknights it tells the man that your priorities matter to you. He's more likely to see you as a woman worth accommodating and respecting. Because you accommodate and respect your own time, boundaries will increase the perceived value right. All of us have inherent value in God. This is not me saying you're not a valuable woman, but there is always a place where we see somebody and we see them as higher value right. And this is not me talking about a high value woman, high value man. This is just me speaking just in general, of people perceiving a person's value, especially when it comes to relationship. We all have a way of where we see somebody, as I see that person's value as higher in terms of a relationship.
Speaker 1:When you stick to your boundaries, you as a woman, you create an exclusive experience. Men will see you as a woman whose time and energy is not given away freely, and it makes them more willing to invest to earn your attention and affection. Okay, so, for example, if you set limits to only committing to activities that you enjoy, what I call desire dates, men will see that your presence isn't guaranteed. Just because he called you, invited you out somewhere, doesn't mean that you're going to agree to that. Your presence is earned, not guaranteed. And so this will inspire men who are interested in you to put in the effort to keep you engaged, cause it's like, oh yeah, this, she's really not going to accept this last minute thing, she's not going to accept this thrown together thing. Um, now, here's the thing. That doesn't mean that you, you shouldn't accept last minute dates. I accept last minute dates from men who who, um, are very clear about my desires because they already they know how to put together last minute stuff. So I will always go, I'm always excited about them. Okay, but think about men who don't know you yet and are just throwing things together, and if you want to participate in that and you let him know like, hey, I would love to go out with you, but I'm going to need more of a lead time and knowing if we're going to go annoying about this date, and here's actually what I want to do instead.
Speaker 1:Boundaries build trust. Men invest in women that they can trust, okay. And boundaries build that trust by showing that you are consistent and grounded in who you are. If you are not consistent in your boundaries, you are not grounded. Okay, when you stick to your boundaries, men feel secure, knowing that they're with someone who knows what they want and isn't afraid to hold others accountable. The more boundaries that you have yeah, exactly, boundaries build trust. Because he knows that this woman is not available for this. This is what she's available for. She's not afraid of speaking up for what she wants. She knows what she wants. She's very clear.
Speaker 1:Versus the flimsy Whoa. I said that I'm abstinent, now I'm doing the thing right, oh man. I said that I'm abstinent, now I'm doing the thing right. Oh man. I say that I want a man who does this. But now I'm not doing the thing and I'm saying I say this Flimsy boundaries attract flimsy men, and flimsy men are not men who are able to really invest in you the way you want them to.
Speaker 1:You want really erect men, real erect men who are disciplined and structured and have the resources the energetic resources, the financial resources to pour into you versus flimsy men because they don't got nothing to give you OK. So, for example, hey, I'm not comfortable with our plans being canceled last minute, unless it's an emergency. I value my time, so I really appreciate clear communication if something comes up, ok. Or hey, I really do not. I'm unavailable to have important conversations over text. I'm not available to have important conversations over text. I prefer discussing meaningful things in person over a call. Okay Now, us women with good girl syndrome, we often struggle to say no because we've been conditioned to be nice and be the helpmate for men and we often ignore our own needs to avoid conflict or make others happy.
Speaker 1:So, for example, when I posted what men were doing for me and my stories, women were saying well, how do you deal with men who are looking for sex? How do you deal with men who don't want to do that? How do you handle men who and I'm like, none of of that's my business I don't deal or handle. I don't deal with or handle. So you're asking me how do I put these men first? It's basically what you're asking me. How do I put these men above my own needs? How do I put these men above my own feelings. How do I care about these men's feelings more than my own needs? How do I put these men above my own feelings? How do I care about these men's feelings more than my own? Somebody was like, well, what do you do when they feel like it's not fair for them to be investing in you? And I'm like, basically what you're asking is how do I put these men emotions before my own? How do I make these men more infantile? How do I do that? How do I make these men more childlike, like they're not grown and they can't make their own damn decisions? I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1:I remember. I remember to like I'm very clear If a man wants to date me and he wants to text me, I'm very clear that I'm unavailable to text him. If we don't have plans set, I'm completely unavailable. I remember I was talking to a client last week and she was actually kind of surprised by what I told her about a man, because we were talking about a man that she's talking about and setting boundaries with him, and she was kind of surprised by I told about one of the men that I'm dating when we first started dating. I told him like we were only going to date on Tuesdays. Tuesdays was the only day he had to date me and we did not talk throughout the whole week. We only talked when it was time to go on a date, and that was on Tuesdays. And she was like, oh my gosh, like you told him that, yes, we were only dating on Tuesdays, that was it, that was all. That was. That was the only day and time, and and we both honored and respected that. But that was the particular boundary that I had. Just getting to know him, I'm like, when I'm not available to go out this many times. And then it grabbed, it grew into oh yeah, I'll go out with you Saturday night too. Oh, I'll also go out with you Sunday night. And it just grew into this investment where we were both trusting each other. We were both trusting each other. He was trusting me in terms of letting him know what I was available for and I was trusting him to execute on that.
Speaker 1:When you stick to your boundaries, it shows you value yourself and your time, and men respect and invest in a woman who sets a standard for how she wants to be treated. So these three habits the habit of expressing clearly what you want, the habit of expressing yourself freely and the habit of expressing your boundaries. These are the three habits that you absolutely need to create a blueprint to inspire men to invest in you. Okay, if this was helpful for you, let me know in the comment section. Make sure that you share this, and if you want a deeper dive into exploring these concepts and how to become a well-pleased woman, okay, and how to become a well-pleased woman who men show up for, I want to invite you to my workshop this upcoming Saturday. It is from 10 am to 2 pm, central Standard Time, and this workshop is designed to help you stop settling for what men offer you and always get what you want. It's designed to help you confidently ask for men what you want and actually receive it, how to actually date men who add real, tangible value to your life, and how to activate the generosity in men who are ready to invest their time, energy and money to make your life easier. If you want to come, type desire in the comment section. You will receive a link for you to enroll for this upcoming weekend. If you cannot come live, please grab the replay, because I only offer this once a year. It's $197. It is not a lecture. It is a live interactive session. You guys will go out into breakout rooms, you guys will receive hot seat coaching and you will receive results right on the workshop. Okay, right on the workshop, all right.
Speaker 1:Someone says I can do all that, I just need to know where they are. Well, the thing is, if you don't know where they are, I'm like do you know how to do it? And the reason why I ask is because typically, a lot of us know how to ask men that we're not attracted to for what we want, because there's no skin in the game. It's like oh, he's all right, you know, he's a little bit. These men that we think are really fine and really successful, can we actually do these things with them? Can we actually execute when we think that they're super fine and we think that they're really successful? Are we able to show up the same way versus the man that we think is a little ugly or we're just not really excited about him? Those are two different men. I'm not talking about those men.
Speaker 1:A lot of women are like yeah, men, do all these things for me, and I'm like but do you want to kiss his neck of men? Do all these things for me and I'm like but do you want to kiss his neck, do you want to rub his feet? Do you want to hold his hand? Do you want to lick his cheek? I only date men where I want to lick their cheek, I want to kiss their neck, I want to hold their hand, I want to rub their feet. Those are the kinds of men that I date, right. So I'm asking you, you, you guys like, is that is? Is that man at that point where you could that, where you feel confident asking him? That is, that is, that is where you want to get at. So OK, I'm over here asking questions. I want to be answering questions here.
Speaker 1:So when I ask the question, can you speak to how you got to the point of being sure, clear and grounded in your desires and needs? Practice, practice in disappointment. Every time you're disappointed, that is a clear indicator that your needs are not being met, your desires are not being fulfilled. Every time you go out on a date and you really didn't enjoy it for some kind of reason, there is a desire that hasn't been met. That is where you get sure, clear and grounded and you practice. After you get disappointed, you go out for coffee. You really didn't enjoy the experience. I remember going out for coffee with a guy and I had to pay for parking and the parking was like $20. I was like no way in hell. That disappointment led me to set a boundary that I'm unavailable to go for coffee to a place where I have to pay for parking or you're going to have to pay for my parking. So make sure that when you are finding yourself disappointed at something, that is a place where there needs to be a clear desire expressed and you need to practice it. I'm only answering questions that are related to this lesson, by the way, because some of you guys are not asking questions that are related to today. All right, so this is actually relevant, and the reason why it's relevant is because you guys are wondering what?
Speaker 1:How did I meet the men that I'm dating? I meet? I meet the men that I'm dating online or offline. I think there's this tendency to believe that where you meet the men that I'm dating online or offline, I think there's this tendency to believe that where you meet, the man determines like I need to go to that location too. It's not about where I'm meeting these men. It's who I am when I'm showing up one of the guys that I met.
Speaker 1:I met him on a hike. I literally ran up behind him. I saw him walking and I was like, oh, he's very handsome, I want. Literally ran up behind him, I saw him walking and I was like, oh, he's very handsome, I want to walk up to him. I want to walk up to him and I want to catch up with him, and that's what I did. A lot of women wouldn't do that. They're like the man should lead. I'm like shit, I want to. He looked good, I want to go walk with him and I did. And he ended up introducing himself when I caught up to him and we walked for two miles after that together. Right, I met another guy on a dating app. We met that night on a in person, at a wine bar. I met another guy. I told my friend I was like invite me to. I want you to invite me to a party because I want to meet some men. I want to meet some men at the party. And that's how I met him. Right, I planned to meet a man at the party. I planned to connect with somebody that I thought was attractive and I fell in love that night, you know.
Speaker 1:Someone says will you be working to help define desires of the workshop? Yeah, we'll actually have a segment where you will be defining your desires during the workshop, real time, absolutely. Someone says how do you handle finding the men and then it not working out? I have a fear that the higher quality men won't want me, though I'm clear men want me. I don't worry about that. I don't worry about handling finding men and it not working out. I embrace it not working out. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't need to work out.
Speaker 1:There's this tendency to believe that things should have to work out. Why? Why do we need things to work out? Why can't we be available for things not working out If it don't work out? We were not in alignment. We should be okay with things not working out. We, the more you grasp and you need something to work, the more you're gonna find find it hard for things to work right. It's gonna be hard for you to find things.
Speaker 1:I'm like every man that I date, the one of the men that I'm dating now for exclusivity, like we're dating. The first thing he told me he was like oh, I'm not really interested. Like the first thing he told me was like I'm not interested in. He said something about the girls trips. Right, because women he typically sees a lot of women doing certain things on girls trips. And I was like, oh well, I go on girls trips all the time and I just stared at him. I just stared, he's still dating me. I told him I'm going on his girl trip. Now he's like, oh well, this is fine, that's fine. Ok, go on girls trips. You know, I don't, I don't really care about it not working out. I need to be very clear that I'm not in alignment with you. Another guy was like hey, you know, I'm not really interested in being a stepdad. Right, he didn't know I had a son. I was like, oh, I got a child. I just stared at him, I have a child, and I looked at him.
Speaker 1:You have to be available for things not working out. I'm very clear at the very beginning. I don't need this to work out. Someone says, if we're only able to catch the replay, is there any coaching or will we still be able to do some of the breakout step? Well, you, you'll miss the you'll. You, I will coach, but you will only have a replay of coaching, like. You won't be able to be coached in real time because you won't be on the call, but you'll get the coaching of other women. You'll receive that, which, a lot of times, you will learn from their coaching without you even having to ask. Someone says do you base the level of the type of ask on the level of commitment? Roster versus rotation? Um, yes, and no Meaning that if a man, quote, unquote start professing his love for me and him wanting to move me to exclusivity, in the first week, I asked for big things.
Speaker 1:I asked for really big things, because now you're trying to lock me down, so I don't care if we just met within the week. If you're trying to lock me down, I'm gonna ask for bigger things I'm gonna ask for for. And when I say bigger things, I'm not gonna ask for a regular date, like a regular date for coffee. We're not going for coffee. If you're asking for exclusivity, we're going straight to the spot. Okay, like so, if you're coming at me like that, I'm going to ask for bigger things versus oh hey, I would just love for you to take me to this particular restaurant. I'm just going to ask for things that I feel like. If you want to lock me down. This is the standard of what it looks like to lock me down.
Speaker 1:So for people who are concerned about love bombing I'm not concerned about love bombing Because if you quote unquote are trying to love, bomb me, I'm going to bomb you with requests. I'm going to bomb you with requests. I'm going to bomb you with ask. I'm going to bomb you with desires. If you want to quote unquote love, bomb me. That's what I do.
Speaker 1:Someone says when you ask men for these things, is it okay for them to tell me what they need from me? It's always okay for a man to ask. That doesn't mean I'm going to oblige, it's all. I allow men to do what they want. I allow men to ask for what they want. Do what they want. I don't judge them. That doesn't mean I'm gonna oblige, right. That doesn't mean that I'm gonna oblige, right? Someone said the spy. I was gonna say someone's realty office. Go big girl. Go as big as you want. Go as big as you want If the man going to give you the realty office ask for it. If he's going to give you the realty office, ask for anything that you want, girl. There's no limit to this. This is just my experience in terms of when I say bigger things, because when I meet somebody I tend to like to go really like slow and not spend a day with them at a spa or spend a thousand dollars that week on me. But y'all, if y'all get in realty offices, go ahead, do it, do the thing. I support it.
Speaker 1:Someone says would you settle for boredom and a potential mate meaning he gives you what you want but doesn't participate, if it's not a core value of mine? No, I'm not gonna settle for boredom. If boredom, if boredom is, uh, a non-negotiable for me, no, I'm not doing it. So you need to ask yourself what's a non-negotiable for me? No, I'm not doing it. So you need to ask yourself what's a non-negotiable for you. For some women, boredom is fine, like that's fine and that's okay, like we need to know If it's fine for you, you know that's, that's great, right. If it's not fine for you, then I wouldn't settle. But we need to get very clear on our core values and what we're able to, what are our non-negotiables and what we're willing to accept and what we're not. Someone says how can you avoid meeting a man who wants to split the bill 50-50 at the end of the mail.
Speaker 1:I always talk about my expectations before I go on a date. I always talk about expectations before I go on a date. I don't get on a date and be concerned Like I always talk about it ahead of time. We're not having conversations that we should be having. Someone says I met an engineer who said he was financially well off and my profile was clearly stated that I like generous men we had met. He made me pay 50-50. I'd never experienced that before and I thought what's wrong? Nothing was wrong. You just didn't have a conversation. We should be having conversations ahead of time.
Speaker 1:Instead of assuming people have read things. I, instead of assuming people have read things. I don't assume people have read things. I only go by what we actually expressed and talked out of our mouths, what we said together oh, what is your policy for dates? Like, what is your perfect date night? Or like, what is your requirement or expectation for a woman on the first date. Those are conversations that need to be had before you go on a date If you're not consistently attracting the kinds of men that you want right now.
Speaker 1:Now you're going to get to a point where you're not going to need to do that Cause. At this point I don't need to do that, but I have already. I've always been clear to the point where it's normal for me. If it's not, you need to start. Where I started is by having conversations. All right, guys, I got to go. I got to go meet a client. I got to go meet a client who's waiting on me. Come to my workshop Type desire in the comment section. If you want to come to my workshop desire. It's $197. It's Saturday. The information is all at the link Type desire in the comment section and you will be able to join me. Bye, bye guys. All right, queen, that was the end of that episode.
Speaker 1:I want you to implement immediately. I don't want you to think about the things that I'm talking about. I want you to put a plan into action to make it happen, even if your phone is dry as hell, right now. I want you to put a plan into action to make it happen, even if your phone is dry as hell right now. I want you to put it into action with who you are interacting with currently, and it actually doesn't even have to be per se a romantic interest. It could be somebody who is platonic, but I really want you to think about what you want for your life and I want you to start creating these habits now, even if you're not talking to anybody, because when you create these habits, they give you the foundation so that when you are talking to someone, these stuff will be like, these actions and these behaviors will already be a part of your regular life.
Speaker 1:So, with that being said, come to the workshop, come, come, come, come, come. I want to see you there. I want to help you work through this. I want to give you a chance in 2025 to be well-pleased and well-loved and well-adored. And if the workshop is, you need more than the workshop. Just come, work with me one-to-one. Come, book a sales call. Let's explore what working together will look like over the six months and what plan that I will provide for you so that you can get the results that you desire in the next six months working with me. 2025 does not have to look like last year. It does not have to look like the last few years. You can actually have a completely different love life this year and really enjoy it. So until next time, bye.