Date with Cents
Date with Cents
The Real Reasons You're Not Meeting Quality Men Online
Are you tired of swiping through dating apps and feeling like you're wasting your time?
In this episode, we’re kicking off a special online dating series designed to help you transform how you approach apps in 2025.
If you’ve ever felt frustrated, burned out, or like you’re stuck connecting with men who aren’t worth your energy, this episode will show you why—and how to fix it.
We’ll explore the mindset shift that turns online dating from a chore into an enjoyable skill, the simple changes to make your profile stand out to the right men, and a strategic vetting process that saves time and brings you closer to quality matches.
Whether you’re brand new to dating apps or a seasoned swiper, you’ll learn how to create real connections with men who align with your values and goals.
If you’re ready to stop wasting time and start meeting high-quality men, this episode is for you.
Tune in and get ready to make online dating work for you in a way it never has before.
Work with me to meet quality men online who serve and support you.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. I am your host, tora Sense, and I'm here to help you, as a high, achieving unchurched woman of faith, attract high quality men who serve and support you and move into a healthy relationship, whether that is marriage or simply just exclusivity, whatever you want, whatever you desire, and today's episode it kicks off a very special online dating series that I decided that I wanted to do based upon what I've been seeing. I've noticed quite a few of you coming to my sales calls and talking about how you are struggling with meeting men online or attracting quality men online. You're either saying the dating apps are not working and or you're saying that it's not good in your area. But when I ask you to share your screen on your phone so I can see your profile, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is why you're not meeting the types of men that you want. This is why you are not enjoying online dating. And so over the next few weeks, I'm just going to be doing a deep dive into online dating to help you master it in 2025. And maybe even in time for you to snag a boo for Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1:But before I get into today's lesson. I just want to shout out anonymous 1347366 for leaving this podcast review. Shout out to you, girl. She says phenomenal, phenomenal. I listen to a lot of podcasts and so I've become very picky with what gets to stay in my rotation. Lol, I get the pun, girl, but your podcast is so good and it is already one of my favorites. Just from listening, I'm already seeing major shifts in how I relate to men, tuning into my desires and not being attached to who fulfills them, and even just allowing myself to one things have desires and preferences. In the first place, I didn't have a religious upbringing and yet I still have so much good girl conditioning that you're helping me unlearn. I can't imagine how much you must help your clients once you're working with them one to one. Thank you, anonymous, I really appreciate that, and thank you for helping the algorithm find new people to find this work, because even I know a lot of women who are not religious ask like hey, torah, will your stuff work for me? My stuff doesn't work for people because it's it. It aligns with their spiritual path. It works because it's just the truth. I specifically help a certain type of woman because I really feel like we really need this work and I know that I am that woman, but it works for everybody. But anywho, thank you for leaving the review and first let me just say I love online dating. Love, love, love.
Speaker 1:I love online dating, love, love, love. I love the technology. I love our ability to have access to millions of men outside of our state, outside of our country. I love the fact that we can just use a device in the palm of our hand and connect with others. I truly feel like we go back in the olden days where we had to just settle for people who were in our city. I know a lot of people like why can't we just, you know, dating was better back then and I'm like I think dating is always better when we have more technology. I'm just saying, and I think it's an incredible tool to use when you know how to use it, especially me as a busy introvert running a multiple six figure business. I'm also a parent with an active social life, and online dating has been a lifesaver for me. It's been the easiest and most efficient way for me, I'm saying me to meet high caliber men who meet my standards.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing though I wasn't always good at it. I wasn't. In fact, I made a lot of the same mistakes that I see a lot of you guys making today, that I see a lot of you guys making today, and it's so sad that so many of us are feeling very frustrated, feeling very burned out and overwhelmed with online dating, because when you learn how to do it right, it becomes this super powerful tool to connect with the men that you actually want super powerful tool to connect with the men that you actually want. And I also help my clients with this, because most of my clients are really busy high achievers just like me, and I love teaching them how to date online because it fits perfectly into their full lives. And when new clients come to me, one of the first things I mentioned, one of the first thing I do, is I ask to see their dating profiles and it's always clear every time I'm checking it out. It's always clear why they aren't attracting the men they want and I'm like OK, this is simple. So if you hate dating apps and you keep deleting them out of frustration, chances are you are making some of the mistakes that I'm going to be talking about today, but the good news, girl, is you can fix them. By the end of this episode, you'll know a lot of what you've been doing wrong and simple ways on how you can turn it all around starting this week, okay, so, okay.
Speaker 1:So the first mistake is looking at online dating as if it is something to quote, unquote, get through like a chore or a necessary evil. And the problem with this is that it is extremely easy to feel frustrated when you don't get the results that you want instantly. So there is this expectation that, okay, I'm going to get on this dating app, I'm going to post some photos, I'm going to write a little snippet about me here and there and then, based upon my beauty and based upon what I wrote, you're supposed to, a quality man is going to swipe out on me and then he's going to just notice how amazing I am and he's going to message me, he's going to invite me on a date and then I'm just going to have a man. After that, I'm going to get my guy. So there's this belief of instant results, and we swipe a few times and we find that man very fast. And when we don't do it, when we don't get the match we want within a week, within two weeks within three weeks. We're like, oh, some of y'all ain't lasting two weeks, like, oh, the apps, I'm deleting apps because these men are doing this and I'm not going on dates, and so we delete the apps and we're done and we complain about them and we do not realize that online dating actually takes strategy. It takes effort, it takes learning, just like anything else worth doing. It takes effort, it takes learning, just like anything else worth doing.
Speaker 1:99.99% of the women that book sales calls with me to work with me as a private client. When I ask them, hey, what is your online dating strategy? They do not have one. They might say something like well, you know, I look to see if this person has these values, or I look to see if this person, but they don't have an actual strategy for how they show up. It's kind of like I just did it and yeah, tora, I don't have a strategy.
Speaker 1:And if you do not have a strategy, I'm telling you that is one of the biggest reasons why you're not meeting the types of men that you want, because when you don't have a strategy, basically what you do is you kind of hop on the apps and you swipe mindlessly without really paying attention to what's happening. You're not really paying attention to what needs to be changed, what needs to be updated, how you should switch things up. You're just mindlessly swiping or you go through the motions without any real purpose, which makes it almost impossible to attract these men. So you might be swiping while you're watching TV, you might be swiping after a long, hard day at work. That's one of the worst times to swipe when you have low energy and you're swiping after a long hard day at work. That's one of the worst times to swipe when you are, you have low energy and you're swiping after work.
Speaker 1:Or you might swipe and then not revisit the app for a few days and I'll ask women who come to me on these sales calls like why, why were you not coming back? Like why were you absent from the app? And I'm like, oh, I don't know. Or oh, I was busy or some kind of excuse, right, but again, there's no strategy in that, and so you tend to end up giving up quickly because you're not getting the matches that you want, you're not seeing the men that you want, or you're going out on dates that don't go well because and we're going to talk about that a little bit later about about why you're going out on dates that are not going well when you meet men online.
Speaker 1:Okay, when you think of online dating as a chore to get through, it has a huge impact on how you feel about yourself, the process and even the apps themselves, so you might start feeling discouraged. Some of you feel discouraged and think that there's something wrong with you. Others most of you, I would say blame the apps and believe that there aren't quality men on them. Like you're convincing yourself that online dating just doesn't work. It's just easier to blame the apps, rather than having a strategy, experimenting and tweaking things, to basically taking responsibility for your love life. Like it's really easy to blame outside factors versus saying what all am I doing and how am I showing up and how am I taking full responsibility for my dating journey, my love life journey? And then you burn out because your approach isn't intentional. You're burning out with conversations with men that don't lead anywhere, because you feel like you're pulling teeth. You're burning out with swiping because you are not matching with the types of men that you want and you're just trying to get that match. It feels kind of like gambling, like you are addicted. I got to keep swiping, I got to keep swiping. There's this type of addiction, which makes the whole process feel even more exhausting. So, in order to fix this, you have to shift your mindset and you have to start treating online dating like a skill that you can develop. It's a skill.
Speaker 1:I'll give an example and an unrelated example, a business example. So, back in 2019, I used to hate sales calls. I did sales calls to enroll clients back in 2019 and 20, and I absolutely hated it 19 and 20. And I absolutely hated it. And every time it was time for me to get on a sales call, I dreaded it. I hated the process. I hated getting people to sign up for those sales calls. But you know why? It's because I didn't have sales call skills. I was getting on a sales call not knowing what I was doing, throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping it stick, hoping that I was going to have the conversations I want to have with these women that were on the calls, hoping I was going to get clients from all of it. And, on top of that, I was taught some really I would say, unethical sales call rules from some people that I worked with as business coaches and they told me to do things that made the other individual on the other side feel pressured, feel unheard, and I didn't like that either. So all of that, I just stopped sales calls. I was like I don't want to do that anymore. I just don't want to do that anymore. I just don't want to do it. I'm done with it.
Speaker 1:It took me a few years to get back into wanting to do sales calls again. You know why? Because I found someone. I found a coach who taught me and I was very apprehensive. At first I was like, girl, I'm not doing that. She taught me how to approach sales calls. That felt really comfortable with me. It felt very ethical to me and it felt like I was really helping women, whether they decided to work with me or not. When people left the call, when people leave my sales calls, I just feel like I really helped them open themselves up to see things that they didn't see before or to reveal patterns that they didn't know was keeping them from having the love life that they desire.
Speaker 1:And now I love sales calls. I have a sales call skills. I work on these skills every single week in order to see okay, how are people leaving the calls what kind of clients are we bringing in? And I do audits, I do evaluations of my sales calls. I practice this as a skill my communication skills, my level of presence, like I'm able to test my level of presence, to be with the person on the call and just allowing them to just share their heart. I'm practicing all these different skills and it just makes me a lot better. I'm tons better at sales calls now because I developed the skills and I'm attracting such amazing clients because I have worked on my skill.
Speaker 1:So if you want to start attracting quality men, you got to shift from online dating as a chore to online dating as a skill. And to make that shift number one, you need to commit to learning that skill, understanding that online dating is something you can get better with practice. Be open to learning how to take better photos, how to post better photos, how to write about yourself in a way that is unique only to you, how to identify red flags that if you swipe right on this page, he's probably not going to be the one that you want. It's always funny because and I'll have clients send me something to review, a conversation to review, and they're like well, tara, well, what happened with this? How could I have made this conversation better? And I'm like why did you swipe right on him in the first place? I didn't even see his profile. But the fact that this is how the conversation went, you missed something in the process, you missed something in the red flags. And I go back and I'm like, yeah, this is what you missed. You missed this here and how to actually spot the man you actually want to connect with.
Speaker 1:Two practice the skill just like you practice anything else, whether it was if you was developing a cooking skill, if you were developing a skill of a fitness routine, if you were developing a skill of building your career, building your resume, like me, building my skill when it comes to sales calls. Dating online takes consistent effort in skill building. So, like set aside intentional time to update your profile, swipe purposely and engage with potential matches on a regular basis with the intention of practicing the skill, versus trying to get a man. Instead of saying, oh, I'm looking for my man, I'm looking for my man, I'm looking for my match. Get on the apps and say I'm developing my skill today. I'm developing my vetting skill today. I'm developing my communication skill today. I'm developing my presence skill today and just being present with the app today. I'm developing I'm getting a man off the app within 48 hours skill Like.
Speaker 1:I'm developing these skills and then track your progress, pay attention to what's working and what doesn't. Are you getting more quality matches with this, with these new photos? Are you getting new quality matches when you tweak these bios and prompt responses, is your messaging strategy leading to better conversations? Adjust as needed and celebrate small wins along the way? So for my clients, I've developed a step-by-step process that transforms online dating into a skill that they can master.
Speaker 1:So most of the time they come to me and they're looking for an outcome. They're looking for that one man, and I help them see it as no, we are developing a skill, and so they learn the skill of crafting a bio that speaks directly to the kind of man that they want to attract. Whether they are on Hinge, bumumble, tinder, any other platform doesn't matter. They learn the skill of taking photos with just their iPhone that instantly grab attention and attract high quality matches. They also learn the skill of identifying photos that attract the types of men that they want photos that attract the types of men that they want. They learn how to vet profiles simply with ease so that they can quickly identify the right men, avoid time wasters and start fun engaging conversations that lead to dates within 48 hours. And I personally review and audit their profiles to pinpoint exactly what's working for them, what's not working for them, and then we practice these skills together each week so that they feel confident and in control of their online dating experience.
Speaker 1:I love when clients come to me they hate online dating and then within weeks, they are extremely excited because they're actually going out on dates with men that they like. I have so many clients that are like that right now. I had a client last week. She had no idea that we could transform her experience in 24 hours and then, all of a sudden, she's like how come I'm seeing all the men now? I'm like because your profile, your profile has improved. We just got to keep building the skill set so that you'll continuously meet these men. So online dating isn't a quick fix. It's a skill that you can learn, practice and improve, and when you approach it this way, you will feel more confident, intentional and excited about the process and you'll attract better results.
Speaker 1:Now the second mistake that I see a lot of you making and this is why you're not attracting the men that you want is your profile is way too random and or generic. Okay, many of us struggle with creating profiles that reflect who we really are and that attracts the kind of men that we want. And sometimes it's because we don't know how to highlight our best qualities or we worry about oversharing. And you know that comes from good girl I'm not even going to go into that in this podcast but not really knowing how to talk about yourself comes from that constant you need to be humble, you know and not really having the chance to really show ourselves off. So, and we worry about oversharing. But often it goes a little bit deeper than that as well. We don't believe online dating will work for us, so we don't bother putting in the effort, and I see this a lot.
Speaker 1:I'll ask clients why did you not fully complete this prompt? Or why don't you have prompts all throughout your profile? And ultimately it all boils down to well, I don't know how much it's going to work. I was just trying something. I really didn't believe it was going to reap results and I'm like, if you go in there not believing, then that is what you're going to get. You're going to reap what you sow. And we go back to scripture. As a man thinketh, so is he. If you're thinking that it's not going to work, you are going to be a person that shows up not letting it work. Okay, so if you've ever thought like, what's the point? The apps never work anyway, you're not alone. Okay, because this mindset leads to you posting random photos, writing vague prompts and treating your profile like an afterthought Okay, it's like saying this isn't worth my energy before you even give yourself a chance to succeed. And here's how I'm really seeing this happen, especially with people who book sales calls to work with me.
Speaker 1:Number one random photos without context. So we might have a selfie, a selfie in a car, a blurry photo from a night out, even group photos, a picture that gives you no sense of who you are or what you value. Random travel photos without context. We might even have, like, a photo where you look like a model. Right, you look beautiful and all your friends are like girl, I love this photo of you, but when I look at it, it looks okay on the surface, but they don't tell a story or give potential matches insight into who you are, your insights and lifestyle. Just because you posted a travel photo doesn't mean it gives insight into who you are. Just because you posted a photo of you out and about in a beautiful dress outfit doesn't mean that it gives insight into who you are Okay, doesn't mean that it gives insight into who you are Okay.
Speaker 1:What I'm also seeing is generic written, generic prompts that don't stand out or they don't attract the right man. So, for example, I might see something like I love to have fun, I'm fun loving, and I'm like who doesn't? Who doesn't like to have fun girl? I'm like who doesn't? Who doesn't like to have fun girl? Or an example of I'm just looking for an honest, intentional guy with integrity and I'm like but who isn't? Who isn't looking for the same thing? We are looking for a man that is specifically aligned with you. Outside of honesty and integrity, everybody wants an honest man, an integral man.
Speaker 1:These vague statements don't show anything unique about you or give the right man whether he's a creative, an entrepreneur or someone else who aligns with your values. It doesn't give the like, the right man a reason to connect with you. So, for example, if you're looking for a creative, artistic guy you like, your profile could reflect your shared interests. So, instead of you saying so, instead of you saying I'm artsy, you might write. You can usually find me wandering into local art galleries or trying my hand at watercolor painting on the weekends. Instead of saying I'm an artsy girl, what's artsy? Artsy is so wide range. What kind of artsy girl are you? Are you artsy with photography? Are you artsy with clay? Are you artsy with coming up with solutions for businesses? What is artsy? And so you need to be very specific to attract the specific kind of man that you want. So you talking about art galleries and watercolor painting really stands out to the type of man that you're looking for, if you're looking for a creative, artsy guy that is in alignment with you.
Speaker 1:When you don't do this, you attract random matches who don't align with your values or your goals. Okay, it's just a lot of randomness, and you also miss out on opportunities to connect with quality men who genuinely resonate with you. So many of us are trying to play the numbers game, and that's why we're so generic. Well, that's another reason why we're so generic. We're trying to. We think that a lot of matches mean something, and we get upset when we don't have matches, a lot of matches on a daily basis or a weekly basis, and a lot of matches is not what you're looking for. Your profile should be specific, intentional and aligned with the type of man that you want to attract, and that might mean not a lot of matches, not a lot of people that resonate with you, and that is okay. But it makes it easier for the man that really resonates with you to say, okay, yeah, that's the one, versus I love to have fun and he's like well, all the girls are saying that we. Well, I like the trouble, all the girls are saying that. So I'm not necessarily wanting to match with her.
Speaker 1:So, instead of making vague statements like I love adventure, I really want you to paint a picture of what adventure looks like for you. So an example might be I'm going to share this from a particular client, because one of my clients she came to me and she had in her bio I love adventure and I'm like what the hell is that? We have to fix this, and I helped her write this sentence Whether I'm hiking a new nature trail, visiting an art gallery or organizing a fundraiser, I find joy in life's little adventure. So we really took what adventure looks like for her and we put in her profile and y'all know that this woman is now in an exclusive relationship with a man who landed on her profile. I'm just saying, I'm just saying that client, we're going to have our last call this month, but like she literally got her man from her profile month, but like she literally got her man from her profile.
Speaker 1:Next, you want to make sure that you include details that align with the type of man that you want to attract and so, for an example, with me, I'm an entrepreneur and I prefer to date other entrepreneurs. That is my preference is, even if you work a nine to five, I prefer you to also be an entrepreneur, because you have a lot more understanding of my workload and how I do things and my lifestyle. And so, speaking to my ideal match, one of the things that I have on my profile, there's a section on hinge that states what do we have in? Which do we have in common? And I'm noticing a lot of women using this space to be as bland and vague as possible, like which do we have in common? Oh, we love pineapple pizza, right, and I'm like, okay, does that actually speak to the type of man that you want, or which do we have in common? We both love to travel Really, get really specific, because there's a lot of people who like to travel. So for me, what I wrote in which do we have in common is investing in business conferences, masterminds and think tanks.
Speaker 1:There is a certain kind of man that understands what I'm talking about and he's going to be like, wow, I do this, she does this, and even though most of the men that swipe on me are not going to understand this, I'm not going to match with most of them there is going to be a few men that look at this and they're like, okay, this is right up my alley, because I'm including specific details that align with the type of man that I want to attract and then also make your profile unique to you by sharing details that help you stand out no more generic. So one of my clients came to me and I'm noticing this a lot, with my high achiever clients being very vague she came to me. In her profile it said I'm passionate about my purpose and I'm like what the hell is that? I don't know what that means. What's your purpose? What's your passion about? Why do we care? Why want to. That means what's your purpose? What's your passion about? Like why do we care? Why want to want a man lands on your profile Like how does that speak to him? And I, we switched it up and here's the sentence that I left her with I'm passionate about black children getting the education they deserve and I love feeling my Pinterest with inspirational quotes. That is a visual that allows a man to really see into who this woman is and what is she actually passionate about specifically. And this is what she does. So that's the sentence that we left with.
Speaker 1:And so in my one-to-one coaching, I don't just tell you what works. I show you. I share my own personal dating profile so you can see exactly what photos I post, the bios I write and how I respond to the prompts to attract the type of men that I want. And then I help you get really specific in your own profile, tailoring it to attract the kinds of men that you are looking for, whether that's a creative man, a driven entrepreneur or someone else. So your profile is your first impression, girl. It's like a personal advertisement for your life.
Speaker 1:I know a lot of you might be like, but I don't want to sell myself. You're selling yourself every damn day. I don't care what you're doing. You're selling yourself in any type of way. You're selling yourself on people having conversations with you. You're selling yourself to get the job that you want. Some of y'all are selling yourself on social media for people to watch your stories or to watch what you put out, but we're always selling ourselves and I don't know for what reason we get really weird about selling ourselves on dating apps. It is important, okay, especially if you want to attract quality men who align with your values and your goals. Okay, and now the third mistake that I see a lot of you guys making as to why you're not attracting the types of men that you want is you don't have a strategic vetting process. You don't? I'm noticing people coming to my sales calls and I'm asking them how did you land on a date with this man in the first place? How did you swipe right on him in the first place? How did this conversation turn into a phone call in the first place? And they don't know. And I'll say why did you say this to him? Why did you ask this question? They don't have a strategic vetting process, and when you don't have a clear plan for vetting matches.
Speaker 1:It is easy to waste time on conversations or dates that lead nowhere, because, without a strategy, you end up swiping mindlessly, not vetting you mind. You end up getting stuck in endless small talk that don't go anywhere. You be in the apps for days or weeks and you end up going out on dates with men who do not align with your values or your standards, and, because of this lack of focus, it leaves you burned out and frustrated with the entire process. I am tired of you guys getting on dates, having a man in your phone, talking to men that you haven't vetted, and when I ask, like how did you vet him? You're like, oh well, he's attractive, it seems like that he went to a good school and he has a good career, and I'm like this is not the vetting that you? Yes, fine, but this is not what you're needing to look for in order to decide whether you're going to swipe right on him or not. Okay, so we're swiping right without a purpose and matching with men who do not align with our goals. We're spending weeks chatting with men only to realize that they're not what we're looking for, and we're going out on dates with men who waste our time because we didn't vet them properly beforehand, and I see this consistently.
Speaker 1:I had a client who was stuck in this cycle. Basically, she would match with men, chat endlessly, maybe she'd go on dates. She didn't really end up on dates, but none of the connections ever went anywhere. And so when we got on a sales call, she was like I don't want to date online because I hate it. I hate dating online. I said, well, how about this? If I help you attract the types of men that you want online, do you think you'd be open to trying it? And she said, sure, we revamped her profile, we helped develop her skills and now she's able to land a date with the kinds of men that she wants. These are provider, generous men who are emotionally available. She's able to connect with them within 48 hours and land a date with them, and she's able to enjoy the process now, mainly because she knows how to vet the men from landing on their profile. She's able to vet and rule them out quickly when, after they match, she's able to vet them quickly after that. So let me get into that. Right, I'm going to get into that a little bit later.
Speaker 1:But when you lack a vetting process. You feel like online dating is a waste of time because you keep ending up with duds. You keep feeling like you're wasting your time talking to men swiping on men. The apps start to feel draining and you dread using them instead of approaching them with intention, and you waste valuable time and energy on men who are not a good fit for your values, goals or standards. So my solution to this is my signature match to meet method, which is a strategic approach to vetting matches at every stage. So this is the same method that I use to teach my clients and I'm going to give you a big part of it here.
Speaker 1:Number one vetting before you match. In order to vet before you match, you need to ask yourself these three essential questions Before swiping right. I want you to take a moment to ask is he attractive to you, is he interesting to you and does he embody at least three of your core values? That is the simplest thing, and it makes a world of a difference, trust me, because a lot of you guys are swiping right on men that you're not attracted to because you you're curious, you think he's interesting. Please stop doing that. Please stop doing that. Just because he's interesting, you're not attracted to him. Please stop swiping right on him. Is he interesting? Some of you guys are swiping right on men who are attractive but are not sharing anything. That's interesting. And I had a client and she was always swiping right on gorgeous, fine ass men who just were not interesting and she was just wondering why they all wanted sex and I'm like they did not come here to share things. Right, and does he embody at least three of your core values? When you're looking at these profiles, you need to see yeah, yeah, he might have went to a good school to have a great education, but what are the other two values that are in alignment with you that you see on his profile If you don't see them in his photos? So, for example, I have a client and she absolutely loves golf and it's a part of her value of being active, and so when we're looking at profiles with men, they have to be men. They don't have to play golf per se, but they have to be men who have active lifestyles. So, again, we're looking for three of the core values that are embodied. So, betting before you match, ask yourself these three questions Is he attractive? Is he interesting? Does he embody at least three of your core values. It doesn't have to be written out, it could be in a photo. Okay, and these simple questions help you filter out mismatches and focus only on men who meet your initial criteria.
Speaker 1:I had a client last night send me a conversation she wanted me to review and I looked at this conversation. I said this woman I don't think this woman did the master meat method. And I asked her. I said, hey, did you do the master meat method for this? And if you did, please, please, let me know at every place you use the master meat method. And then she came back and she said you know what, tora, I didn't, I didn't do this, I didn't do that. And I'm like, yeah, please make sure the. I said I didn't even have to look at his profile. I see the conversation you're having with this man and I already know you did not bet before you matched, okay.
Speaker 1:So next is vetting after you match, and that is using two types of questions. The first questions are post-check questions to test the waters. So post-check questions are questions that you use to check the pulse of the conversation, the pulse of the man, to see do I need to keep talking to this man in this chat. So you open up the conversation to check the pulse without diving too deep too soon, to check the post without diving too deep too soon. These questions are very light and engaging, while helping you see if it's worth continuing. So you might ask something like what's something fun you're looking forward to this week? Very light what's the last book you found yourself excited about? Very light, what was the highlight of your week? Very light, to check the post and to see how this man responds to this before you decide you want to keep responding to him.
Speaker 1:But a lot of times I'm seeing there's a lot of like. For example, I'll have like deep, like spiritual clients who are really into spirituality and they want to go deep into the spirituality of all the things and the universe and the cosmos, and I'm like, yeah, but what that's going to do is kill all the sexual tension in this conversation which we need, right, and it's going to kill whatever chemistry or connection that you have by delving deep, because really we don't care about these things until we really like the person. Okay, other than that, we get excited at first but then we can be very bored without really being connected to the person. And the second question that you need to be asking is spark questions for engaging conversations, and these questions make the chat playful and memorable while helping you learn more about him in a meaningful way. Like what about your trip did you enjoy the most? What inspired you to move where you live now? If it comes up in conversation, right, what lights you up about your career? These really focus on the emotions of the conversation, the connection of the conversation versus betting.
Speaker 1:A lot of you guys are just exchanging information. You are exchanging words, right. You are saying things like oh, I see that you went to Tahiti and have you been there before? Because I've been there before, and we're just exchanging information oh, where do you live? Oh, I live here. Okay, how long have you lived there? Oh, what are you watching? I'm watching. We're just exchanging information versus being playful and memorable in our conversations, okay. And then we're vetting after matching, and then we also need to vet real time, and vetting in real time looks like suggesting a video call early. So, within 48 hours of matching with the man, or after five messages, uh, exchanges, you need to invite this man For a quick video call to determine if meeting in person is worth it. Okay, it could be as simple as hey, I'm really enjoying our conversation. I would love to have a quick video call to see if us meeting in person makes sense. That's what you need to be doing to vet.
Speaker 1:A lot of us are going out on dates with men that we're not properly vetting through a video call and I know some women are like, well, tori, I don't like video calls. I'm like, okay, well, risk your time being wasted. I remember there was a time when I did not do a video call with the man and he looked super, super handsome, super handsome. And then when we went on a date, it was extremely clear that this man did not like women. It was extremely clear and I did not like women. It was extremely clear and I don't mean as a woman hater it was clear that he was a either he was bisexual or he was very feminine bisexual or just completely homosexual and just trying to I don't know figure some things out, but it was extremely clear to me, just trying to. I don't know figure some things out, but it was extremely clear to me. The mannerisms. I was like, wow, I wonder how I ended up here. I know why because I did not bet him on a video call and I had the date. I was just so blown away by how I got to that date. I was like this man doesn't like women. I don't think he likes. I do not believe this man was bisexual, I'm just giving him that. I believe he was fully a gay man.
Speaker 1:But anywho, when you're on this call, you need to look for those core values that you saw on the profile. Look for core values on the call Deal breakers, physical attraction and chemistry. You need to ask this man if he has a hat on, take the damn hat off. I'm even like if you say if I'm looking at your body in the photo, I'm looking. I want to see angles with video call to see, because some of these men be you know, looking one way on the app and they have a beer belly in person. I need to see if that belly's there, sir. And chemistry seeing if there's chemistry on the call before you go out.
Speaker 1:And this step saves you from wasting time on a date who clearly isn't a good fit. And I've seen I've matched with really amazing men on the app and then I get on a video call and I'm like no, I'm not doing it. I'm not going out with this guy, it's all good Not going to do it, okay, and I've had a lot of my clients who have just got out of long-term relationships or marriages. They use the master meet method after our first call and they kill it. They are killing it. They're brand new out into this space and it is helping them meet the types of men that they want post relationship. So a clear vetting process saves your time and energy. It keeps you focused and helps you connect with matches who align with their values and goals and with my strategy. The match to meet method. Online dating becomes a lot more efficient, a lot more simple and a lot more fun.
Speaker 1:So let's quickly recap the three mistakes that might be holding you back from meeting quality men. Number one you're treating online dating as a chore instead of a skill to master. Number two, your profile is too generic and vague and doesn't speak specifically to the type of man that you're looking for. And three, you do not have a strategic vetting process, which leaves you feeling very frustrated and burned out. But the great news is, each of these mistakes is 100% fixable with the right mindset and approach and by implementing the tips that I shared with you today, you can transform your online dating experience and start attracting the kind of men who align with your values and your goals.
Speaker 1:And if this episode hit home for you and I know it did, girl make sure that you share it with a friend who might need to hear it too. Or let me know on Instagram. Shoot me a DM, share it on Instagram stories so I could reshare it. Let me know that you listened. So if you share it on Instagram stories, I absolutely love that too. So if you share it on Instagram stories, I absolutely love that too.
Speaker 1:And if you are absolutely ready to take things to the next level and get help implementing and applying what I've talked about today and mastering this skill set and being able to clean up the negative patterns that you have been displaying with online dating, let's work together. That you have been displaying with online dating. Let's work together. Book a sales call, girl, and we can create a plan to uniquely help you and personalize it for you to attract high quality men who are in alignment with who you are, who serve, support and excite you. You can book the sales call with the link in my show notes or you can go to my Instagram sales call with the link in my show notes, or you can go to my Instagram profile and click the link in the bio if your platform that you're listening on doesn't have show notes, but definitely do that. I would love, love, love, love to connect with you there. So thanks for tuning in and next time, queen, bye.