Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How to Build a Profile That Attracts Men You Actually Want
If your dating profile isn’t doing the heavy lifting for you, you’re working way too hard on these apps.
In this episode, I’m walking you through exactly how to build a profile that attracts men who match your standards…without you having to waste time filtering through the ones who don’t.
Most women make the mistake of writing profiles that sound good but don’t actually do anything. The right man should read your bio and immediately know you’re his type.
I’m breaking down the five shifts that turn your profile into a powerful filter, helping you stand out while making it easy for high-quality men to start conversations and plan dates.
If you’ve ever felt like your matches don’t align with what you actually want, this episode is about to change everything.
Work with me to meet quality men online who serve and support you.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl, welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. I am your host, tora, and I am easing into my week. I'm recovering from a very impactful, expansive weekend in Atlanta. I went to Impact Weekend. It is a event that is hosted by Maya Elias. I've, I pretty much, talked about this event for like three years on this podcast. I think this podcast is about three years old, so I've been talking about it for three years and I've been. This is my.
Speaker 1:It was my third year going this year and, for those of you who don't know or need a refresher, maya Elias was the coach that I connected with that helped me launch my first program for High Achieving Women of Faith in terms of dating, and before that I was kind of diddly-daddling in what I wanted to do and so, being able to connect with her, she gave me the confidence and the competence in order to launch my group program, and I have served hundreds and hundreds of clients ever since, and so I'm always wanting to connect with her at her event. I'm always, by the way, for those of you who don't know and who follow my stories, maya is one of the ones that leaves a hilarious DMs that I repost in my stories about the guys that I'm dating and my dating experiences. I know some people like Tori, or followers, or comedians. She's one of them, but I'm always wanting to go and like, be in her presence and learning from her Cause I do think she's amazing, and so I was at this weekend connecting with so many women that I have never met before people who follow me and one of the highlights of the weekend was meeting up with my Atlanta clients. I have so many clients in Atlanta and so when I told them I was going to be in their city, we were able to plan a meetup and they were able to come hang out with me for two hours at the hotel that the event was being sponsored at, and it was crazy energy in the room and I always tell my cufflinks I'm like, hey, y'all got to turn down y'all the juice, you know, at least turn it down. Right, we're not going to turn it off, because the men always seem to gravitate towards our corner, and it's not that we don't love the men. It's like, hey, it's our time, but it was so nice to see my clients in action and attracting men over to them. Men were just coming over, buying us things and giving us gifts, like, even like the men that worked on the staff that was giving us extra special treatment, and that was great. And I also received some really nice gifts, some baked goods and a poll book. One of my clients got me some really thoughtful gifts and, yeah, it was just, it was so good. And anytime I go to an event like that, I come home and I crash. I don't do any work, I crash, and I'm still kind of recovering from that right now. But I was like I gotta get this podcast episode out, because my brain was like girl, you tie, you tie, you tie. I don't know how you're going to do this podcast episode. Got me some coffee and I am ready. I am super, super, super ready, okay, oh, also, my clients were able to meet Big Body Benz. He actually traveled to Atlanta to connect with me out there and I introduced him to my clients, so that was great. They already was introduced to Latin Poppy AKA my front runner, so this was their opportunity to meet Big Body Benz and that was great.
Speaker 1:Anywho, this is the final episode of my four-part online dating series. We started it off the series with the real reasons. You're not meeting quality men online. We went to how to show up on dating apps and attract amazing men. That was a mindset episode. Then we started talking about my personal online dating journey, my wins, my fails and what really finally worked for me.
Speaker 1:And this episode I am going to give you a method to building a profile that attracts the men you actually want. So this episode is definitely for you. If you have put up a profile and you find yourself not just attracting the like wrong men, but you're finding yourself not pulling in the right men, your profile is going to do two things. It should be doing two things. Number one repealing the wrong men and attracting the right man who matches your standards. So many of you have your online dating profile and, although you're probably doing a good job at like vetting out the wrong men, you're not showing up to pull in the right man. And the good news is that you can change who you can attract, starting today by changing how you're showing up. And so what you can expect for me to talk about is my five part method for creating an irresistible profile, and why small changes to your profile can make a huge difference in your matches and the quality and caliber of the men that you attract, and then also real examples. I'm going to give you real examples from my clients' profiles and also my profiles. That has resulted in us always being able to attract the types of men that we want on the apps.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to start with my five part profile method, and the first step that I want you to take when it comes to your profile is know who you're talking to, because your profile should be speaking to the specific man that you want. Typically, when I have clients or prospective clients come to me on a sales call or they or I'll have a new client come to me and I'm like, hey, let me look at your profile. And what happens is I look at the profile and I'm like OK, what kind of man do you want? Because I really can't tell based upon what you're saying here. Sometimes it's like, hey, I want an honest man, I want an integral man, I want a man who's going to be loyal. And when I read that, I'm like what woman don't want that? What woman doesn't want that? And most of us are creating a profile that speaks to everyone, everybody. But the fastest way to attract no one special is to be generic If your profile is too vague, you are going to experience one or more of these problems.
Speaker 1:Number one you're going to just attract the wrong man, and when I say the wrong man, it doesn't mean a bad man. It just simply means men that are not in alignment with you, men that don't have an understanding of you, men that are not in alignment with your values. So you keep matching with men who don't allow what your values or lifestyle. So, for example, if you see yourself as a deep intellectual woman who really, really loves meaningful conversations, but your inbox is really full of just very simple surface level hey, beautiful, what are you up to? What are you doing? Messages from men that can't hold a conversation.
Speaker 1:What also happens is that you pretty much blend in with everybody else, and that means that your profile sounds like every other woman. So when high quality men, high caliber men, are scrolling and they see your profile, they simply see you as the last 10 women that they swiped on. So you might write something like oh, I love to travel, okay, but so did every other woman. I like to, I'm a foodie, I like to laugh. So did every other woman that he swiped on.
Speaker 1:And so if you are a woman who likes to travel, a high quality man who really loves exploring culture of a new destination, who is very adventurous in his new destination, he doesn't see why you're any different than a woman who goes to another country and chooses to be in a resort for the full seven days. Now again, there's no shade on people who like to stay in resorts, but people who stay in resorts are not the same travelers or people who like to hang out with the cultural, local community. Those are two different types of travelers. And if a man is someone who likes to engage with the culture and the community, he's not going to want to stay in a resort, right, but he needs to be clear on what that means. Also, quality men may not have much to start a conversation with you, so your profile doesn't give them a lot to work with. So they either don't match with you or, when they do match with you, the conversation may not start off as great.
Speaker 1:Okay, so again, again, if we're going back to I love to travel, a man who wants a partner to explore new cities with, but he doesn't swipe right on you because your bio doesn't make it clear that you're into adventure the way that he is Okay, and so, instead of casting a wide net and just hoping for the best, your profile should act like a filter, attracting the right men while making it clear who isn't a match. So let me show you what this looks like in practice. So many of us are doing generic one size fits all approach, but I really want you to speak to the specific man. While you're talking about yourself, you can speak to the man that, while you're talking about yourself, you can speak to the man that you want while talking about yourself. So if you are a woman who loves to travel, instead of saying I love to travel, you might say something like I plan my trips around street food, hidden bookstores and the best espresso in town. Tell me your favorite city and why I should add it to my list. So now you're calling in a man who shares your love for culture and unique travel experiences, rather than just a regular vacation. I need you to understand that. So when a man reads that, he's like oh, that's me too.
Speaker 1:Instead of saying something like I'm ambitious, you might say something like I've built my dream business from the ground up and I love connecting with men who are just as passionate about their work as I am. So cause. What does ambitious mean? Right? Does ambitious mean you're climbing a corporate ladder? Does it mean that you're hopping out of planes? What does that mean, speaking to that particular man? So now, when you say I've built my dream business from the ground up and I love connecting with men who are just as passionate about their work as I am Now ambitious men when they're swiping through, they know you're looking for someone who more than likely shares that drive, more than likely understands that drive, not just any guy with a job. So, for example, I've already mentioned in a previous episode that I prefer, to date, men who are entrepreneurs, even if they currently have a nine to five job. I prefer for them to be an entrepreneur because they have an understanding of you know my work schedule and my ability to spontaneously be able to do things and go places, or my desire to I might be working at 8 PM at night and then choosing to take the day off the next day. I want someone to understand what that life is like or what it could look like. Sometimes I've just sat in the living room co-working with a guy before right, because we're both working on projects that are important to us.
Speaker 1:My ambition is going to be different than someone else's ambition. Or, instead of and this is one of the ones that I see all the time on dating profiles I love to laugh, because, really, who is that speaking to? So, instead of saying I love to laugh, if you're going to speak to a particular man, you might say something like my love language is witty banter and thought provoking humor. If you can make me laugh and think at the same time, let's talk. So this invites men who appreciate playful yet intelligent conversations to engage. This is kind of like a woman who loves the deep conversations, but she loves to be able to be lighthearted about it, like we're not going to get no argument fighting each other over these conversations.
Speaker 1:And so I'll give an example from my profile. Instead of just saying I'm fun and easygoing because I am, I'm a very fun person, and I'm also very easygoing when the men that are with me. That is what they experienced with me, but here's what I wrote on my dating profile instead. That is what they experienced with me, but here's what I wrote on my dating profile. Instead, I wrote dating me is like enjoying a perfect blend of adventure and relaxation. One day we're kayaking or hiking and the next day we're cozying up with Netflix or holding hands at a wine bar Always exciting, always comforting. Hands at a wine bar Always exciting, always comforting.
Speaker 1:I am speaking to a specific kind of man when I say this a man who is down for outdoor adventure, who is down for being in the water or being in the woods, and a man who knows how to bring it inside, because I'm an introvert who knows that, okay, there's a time and a place. Now we're just going to relax in the house, we're going to watch Netflix. Or a man who is a fan of wine. There's a certain specific kind of man that is going to be able to just enjoy a nice glass of Merlot or Cabernet with me at a wine bar while holding my hand. That's not every man I remember talking about when Big Body Men's came to visit me and I told him that I need him to book us a date at the winery and we were able to sit in the middle of the winery with my feet on his lap, with my shoes off and him rubbing my feet, while we enjoyed four flight like a flight. So it's like both of us had a flight of like four different red wines and toasting to each other while he's rubbing my feet and like people are literally walking past us on on the sofa complimenting us. You can't do that with every man. Every man is not going to feel comfortable doing that. Rubbing a woman's feet in the middle of a wine bar Okay, I'm speaking to that man.
Speaker 1:Also, an example from my client she, instead of her, just saying I'm adventurous, but I also love a good night in, we changed it to dating me is like booking a last minute weekend getaway and then spending the next Sunday in sweatpants ordering Thai takeout and debating which 90s sitcom was the best. So this paints a picture of the experience of dating her and speaks directly to a man who loves spontaneity and cozy nights in, but this particular one because do you see how both of us are adventurous but also love a good night in. But those good night in look different. The adventures look different. She's going to book a last minute getaway. That's not me, unless it's my front runner, because he will do that and I have to calm him down about that, but that's not how I do things. So she's different than me in adventure. I'm going to go kayaking. She's going to book a weekend getaway and then she's going to order Thai takeout. That's not me, I'm not going to do that, that's not particularly like how I roll and then she's going to debate which 90 sitcom was the best. I'm particularly not going to do that. But we both are fun and easygoing, we both are adventurous and we love a good night in, but we both are speaking to two different kinds of men.
Speaker 1:I have another client that she mentioned something about wealth building on her profile and I was like I don't know what that means. Like who are you talking to? And so we flushed that out together and so we changed it to what is your strategy for building wealth while still enjoying the ride? Are you a calculated risk taker or more steady and secure? I'd love to compare notes. She's speaking to someone who actually he's probably an investor. More than likely he understands money. That is specifically who she's talking about. She's not just talking about like they're a woman on a profile and they might be like I'm looking for someone building their legacy. What does that mean? I'm looking for someone who's into wealth building. Okay, let's get specific, because there's a lot of men talking about I want to do generational curses and build wealth for my family, but she's like no, what's your strategy for building wealth? That's a lot of people talking. What is your strategy? Are you a calculated risk taker or more steady and secure? I love to compare notes and it's so funny.
Speaker 1:I was talking to my front runner. I was out with him last night for pizza and we were talking about like his personality, different personalities, and I told him like you're very aggressive, and he's like I feel like I'm very gentle. And I said, yeah, I think that you've learned to be a gentle man, but at your core you're extremely aggressive. And I say, look at your core, you're extremely aggressive. And I say look at your investment strategy, look at how you invest your money. It is very aggressive. It is not like it's very risk tolerant of how he invests his things.
Speaker 1:So this kind of man would be gravitating towards. What's your strategy? He'll be able to tell the strategy, the investment rates that he's interested in, the types of stocks that he's going to invest in in the market. That's going to be a man who's going to love a prompt like that. So your bio should make the right man feel seen. He should be able to read your profile and immediately think, wow, she's exactly the kind of woman I want to spend time with. She actually gets it, she actually knows.
Speaker 1:And so here's the action steps that I want you to take for this shift. Number one I want you to ask yourself who do I actually want to attract? Many of us don't think about that. We're just like, oh, I just want a good man, a good Christian man, good godly man who's honest and integral. No, specifically, who do you want? This also brings me to another example.
Speaker 1:I was watching the pop the pop the balloon show. I don't like watching the full episodes, but I love the shorts because they get to the, to the nitty gritty. But there was a woman on the pop the balloon show and she kept saying I just want a man who loves Jesus, I want a man who's a Christian, I want a man who loves the Lord. And men were popping their balloons, left or right, and the host she was like why did you pop your balloon? They were like yeah, just because of Jesus and the religion I'm Muslim. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:And then the one guy that didn't pop his balloon he's like yeah, I have a heart for God. This is how, uh, you know, my prayer life is, he was just going into how he was a believer as well and she said no to him. You know why she said no. She said he wasn't tall enough. She said it's his height. So she went on and on talking about how she loved Jesus and how it was so important. And then this man, and this man talks about how he loved Jesus. She was just like you're not tall enough. I think the guy was like five, uh, five, nine or something like that. And it's like she wasn't speaking to who she actually wanted to attract. She was on this good girl, um. You know what she thought she actually wanted? Like this is a man I actually need, um. But she wasn't saying oh, I want a man who loves Jesus and he's six foot four. Right, he has to be six foot four too. We got to be honest with ourselves.
Speaker 1:And then the second thing I want you to do is I want you to write down three qualities that your ideal man aligns with. Think about what they are. Is it travel? Is it adventure? Is it homebody-ness? What is that? And I really want you to speak directly to that man. Make sure. The third thing I want you to make sure that your bio speaks directly to him, not to just any man.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the next step I want you to take in terms of your bio to attract the kinds of men that you want is I want you to show, I don't want you to tell. And this matters because most of us are listing facts on our profile. Instead of showing, we're telling people who we are. We're telling these men we're like I love God. Okay, you're telling, not showing, I'm laid back. Okay, you're telling that you're laid back, I'm passionate about my purpose. I get I see that so much on profiles that come to me I'm passionate about my purpose. What does that mean? How are you showing them? Because these statements don't actually mean anything. They don't give a man that's scrolling your profile any real insight into who you are or how you live your life. So your profile should paint a very clear picture of what these things look like in action, so the right man can see it, can feel it and can connect with it.
Speaker 1:So, instead of saying something like, oh, I'm laid back, you might say something like I lost keys, a last minute change of plans or missing an exit on a freeway. No stress, we'll figure it out. Life's more fun when you don't sweat the small stuff. That is what laid back looks like for you in your life. Or you might say something like I'm the stay calm and make it work type. Whether it's a burnt dinner or a surprise road trip detour, I know how to keep things light and fun. That's showing. So this makes it clear that you're easygoing, while subtly signaling that you actually want a man who can go with the flow too, right?
Speaker 1:Also, instead of saying something like I'm passionate about my purpose, you might show it by saying I believe every woman should walk through life feeling powerful, loved and seen. That is why I mentor young women and host workshops on confidence and mindset shifts. What's something you've helped someone else accomplish? Again, you're not saying I'm passionate about my purpose. I don't know what that means. Show us what that means. Oh, I'm mentoring young women, I'm hosting workshops, and so he can get from that. Oh, she's passionate about her purpose. Or you might say something like I spend my days helping students see their potential and my evenings devouring books that challenge my thinking. What's the last thing you learned that completely changed your perspective? Again, instead of saying I'm passionate about my purpose, you show it. Or let's just say something like you're into holistic work and instead of saying I'm passionate about my purpose, you might say something like you'll find me leading breathwork sessions, guiding clients through breakthroughs or indulging in my own self-care rituals. If you've ever tried sound healing or shadow work, we should compare notes. Do you see how specific that is? I'm not just saying I'm passionate about holistic healing or I'm passionate about breath work. I'm showing you what I do and this shows your passion and action, without you saying that you're passionate.
Speaker 1:Or instead of saying I love God, you might say something like faith without action is just words. You'll find me serving my community, praying over big decisions and making sure I live out what I believe. How do you put your faith into practice? Or you might say something like I love a man who can break down a Bible verse and a Kendrick Lamar lyric in the same conversation. Let's talk faith, life and everything in between. Right, you might say something like that if that's your style. Or you might say something like some people bond over movies or music. I bond over faith talks, deep questions and long walks where we share what God is teaching us. So this makes it clear that faith is more than just a word. For you, it's something that you actively live out. So kind of show what that looks like for you. Everybody's faith is not the same, right. Your faith might be early morning, sunday service and then brunch after building community, after service ends. That might, that's, that might be what it looks like for you.
Speaker 1:I'll give you an example from my own profile. Instead of me saying my love language is quality time because it is I wrote I'll fall for you if we can chat about the last books we read over a glass of Cabernet and trash talk during a game of Topgolf. I need y'all to see how the same theme that I'm talking about. You already know. I love wine, right? I've already talked about that in my profile and so. But this also paints a clear picture of what dating me feels like, while attracting men who enjoy both adventure and intimacy. I gave another example in my bio about adventure and intimacy previously, about kayaking intimacy. I mean adventure, hiking adventure, but then also holding hands at a wine bar, intimacy. The themes are all throughout my profile. I'm going to talk about that a little bit later, but a man has a clear picture of me showing him that my love language is quality time, okay.
Speaker 1:So here's the action step I want you to take for this step. I want you to look at your bio. Are you using words to tell men who you are Like? I'm fun or I love deep conversations? I want you to look for those things, and then I want you to rewrite one sentence to include a clear, specific detail that shows men who you are like in real life, without them having to meet you yet. And I want you to ask yourself could someone reading this instantly picture what it's like to date me? Am I showing him? So your bio should basically make a man feel like he's already met you. When you show, instead of telling, the right man will be drawn to you because they will recognize you as their special kind of woman, is their unique kind of woman.
Speaker 1:Okay, step three, and how to build a profile that attracts men. That you actually want is you need to make sure that your photos tell a story, and this matters because a lot of us are picking nice looking photos for our profiles without thinking about what those pictures are communicating as a whole, and so I see this all the time with my clients. When they come to me, they would have uploaded like a pretty selfie that shows their face, a travel photo with no context, right, just standing in front of a landmark, a group photo maybe that makes it unclear who they even are. So just different random photos that they put up there. Or maybe like a next top model photo where they're smizing at the camera. There's no smile, just a bunch of smizing. And I'm looking at it. I'm like why don't you post these photos? What are these photos telling us? What do these photos even mean?
Speaker 1:And even if each of these photos has some value on its own because, of course, you're gorgeous, we know you're pretty right, we know that you do things in your life but the problem is the collection of the photos as a whole. It doesn't really tell a cohesive story about who she is, about who you are, and so most of us are uploading random photos and assume that, okay, I look good and that we're doing online dating the right way. But I want you to think of it this way. I want you to imagine scrolling a man's profile and his photo shows a gym mirror selfie, a random travel picture in Italy, a blurry group photo where you can't even tell which one he's in, and a picture of his car. He looks good, but who is he? A random travel like we can kind of say, oh, he likes to work out and he likes to travel, but we don't really know who he is past that, and so that's exactly what happens when your own profiles lack a clear story. I don't know that's a story. A gym mirror selfie in a random travel picture in Italy, like, we can kind of like assume some stuff, but I'm not really getting the story here.
Speaker 1:So, instead of just uploading cute photos, your lineup should tell a well-rounded story of who you are, what you love and what it's like to be you. So, for example, I'm a very I'm a wild and free woman. I have I'm recovering good girl and I've stepped into my wild, free woman era, who's also very much about my business and my core values. My top core values are adventure, freedom and pleasure. Those are three of my top core values and my photos reflect that. My photos tell that full story. So you know me as this wild, free woman who also values adventure, freedom and pleasure. You're going to see soft and sweet, okay, and that I have like a cozy, relaxed photo where I am warm and inviting. That's a side that you're going to get from me Also because I'm free and especially because I'm a Gemini, right the two sides. I'm adventurous and spontaneous. I have a video of me kayaking in a river full of alligators. You're going to get that side of me as well. Also, I'm very playful and fun because I am free and freedom is one of my freedom and pleasure is one of my is two of my core values. So you're going to see a video of me laughing and running around while my best friend records. So I have a video of me laughing, joking. I have a nice dress on a hat and I'm in heels and I'm just running around in those heels, laughing and joking. Because that is the story that I want to tell about me being this wild, free woman who's not really concerned about what people think about me, who can show up for an adventure, for an adventure of pleasure as well as freedom.
Speaker 1:I also have a picture. My pictures also show that I am confident and expressive. So again back to my wild nature. I have a photo of well, actually a video of me dancing on the pole. So I'm showing I'm able to have a sweet, nice girl, look right. And then the other side of me. I'm also able to show the wild, free side of me dancing on the pole. I'm also ambitious and powerful. Right, that's me as this wild woman who's about my business.
Speaker 1:So I have a picture of me at a business conference where I'm in my zone right, and I'm not just at a business conference, I am sharing me at a business conference, but I'm in an elevator posing like I'm that girl. Okay, yes, I'm at a business conference, but I'm in an elevator posing like I'm that girl. Okay, yes, I'm at a business conference, but I'm not stuffy, I'm playful, I'm soft, I'm sweet, I'm spontaneous. I'm going to give you, I'm going to give you this look and you're going to enjoy me at this business conference, also sensual and feminine. I have a photo where I was filming a documentary where I'm wearing like a plunging neckline. So you have one place where I'm modest and covered up photo where I'm balanced and multifaceted, and then another photo where I'm having a plunging neckline, where there's cleavage involved. Again, I'm wild, I'm free, I'm about my business.
Speaker 1:My core values are adventure, freedom and pleasure, and you can see that story wrapped up in all of my photos. These photos have been very, very intentional. Each of these photos serve a purpose and together they tell a complete story of who I am. So for your action step here, I want you to look at your current photo lineup. Is it just a collection of cute pictures or does it tell a story? And before you upload a picture, I want you to think what do I want a man to feel when he sees this? What part of my personality or lifestyle or values am I showcasing here? Does this photo add to my story or is it just a cute picture? So make sure your top, like your photos, show different layers of who you are.
Speaker 1:Think about your core values, think about how you want to describe yourself, think about the story you want to tell. And so if my story that I want to tell is that I am playful and fun and adventurous, why are six of my photos I'm smizing with? I'm barely you can barely see my teeth. I see women saying that like I'm a lot of fun, I love to laugh. And I'm like why don't see you laughing? Why don't I see the story here? I don't see the story here. I just see you looking, trying to look like America's top model here. So your profile isn't just about you looking good, it's about telling a story that helps the right man see how he fits into your world. So when your photos work together, you don't just attract men who think you're cute. You attract men who genuinely are excited about the lifestyle that you bring about, the story that he gets to be a part of.
Speaker 1:Okay, we're moving right along to step four. Step four in building a profile that attracts the man that you actually want. So I want you to create an emotional connection, and this matters because a lot of us think our profile is just about looking good and listing facts, but what actually draws a man in and makes him invested is an emotional connection. A man shouldn't just read your profile and think she likes the beach, she likes music, she likes dancing. That's surface level and a lot of women like those things. They don't really create a kind of connection, and this is why we end up in conversations on the dating apps that are surface level and doesn't mean much, because we're not looking to emotionally connect.
Speaker 1:A man should look at your profile and feel something within himself that makes him want to engage, that makes him want to connect and pursue you, and the mistake that most of us make is that we write. Bios are very informative, right, we're letting men know, but they're not really emotionally engaging or emotionally captivating. They list facts about ourselves, but they don't create an experience that makes the right man feel intrigued, that makes the right quality of man, makes them feel excited or connected to us. A man should land on our profile and feel something. He should feel excitement, curiosity, warmth or even a spark of familiarity that makes him think wow, I know exactly what that feels like, or that sounds amazing. I would love to experience that with her or she gets it. I felt that too.
Speaker 1:When your profile makes a man feel something, it creates a bond before you even exchange messages, before you even match. Okay, when your profile makes him feel something, he'll naturally want to reach out and engage. So here's what this looks like in practice. Instead of you just listing things about yourself, I want you to like. Your profile should evoke emotions and create an emotional connection. So if you like the beach, right, you might say, oh, I like the beach, I like water. You evoke emotion by saying something like nothing resets me faster than feeling the sun on my skin, the ocean breeze in my hair and the waves washing away the stress of the week. The beach is my happy place. What's yours? Do you see how that creates an emotional connection? Instead of I like the beach, okay and what? So now he's not just reading that you like the beach, he's feeling the relaxation and escape that it gives you.
Speaker 1:Okay, instead of you saying I like music, you might say something like live music feeds my soul. Nothing beats the rush of feeling the bass vibrate through your chest and the crowd singing every word. Let's compare our concert bucket list on our first date. Do you see he can actually experience this, that it created a picture for him. He can feel it. He's not just seeing the music, he's feeling the excitement and energy of what it does for you.
Speaker 1:Instead of saying I like dancing, you might say something like dancing makes me feel most alive. Whether I'm two-stepping at a wedding, losing myself in a salsa class, or just grooving in my kitchen with a glass of wine. What's your favorite way to move? Again, he can be in the energy of you know, two-stepping with you at the wedding, you wedding twirling at the salsa class. Now, dancing isn't just a skill that you have, it's an expression of your joy as a woman, your spontaneity as a woman, because everyone ain't going to dance like that. Everyone's not going to be into dancing like that.
Speaker 1:Instead of saying I like art, you might say something like there's something about seeing raw emotion on a canvas or hearing a song that perfectly captures how you feel. Art moves me, whether it's a painting, a film or a song that lingers in your soul. What's the last piece of art that stayed with you? Now, art isn't just a hobby, it's deeply personal emotional experience, and I have a guy friend who really loves art. I mean, he is so into the art community, he invests in a lot of art and he created a course. Not only did he create an app to help artists make money because a lot of artists don't know how to make money off their craft he created an app for that but he also created a course that shows them how to use the app and make money, even if you live in different countries. And so if he was able to see a woman that actually said that, instead of saying I like art, and she was able to say something like that, I am more than sure he would have been interested, intrigued and ready to start a conversation with her.
Speaker 1:So, action step I want you to look at your current profile Does it just list things or does it evoke emotions? And then I want you to rework one statement to highlight a feeling or experience it, instead of just a fact, just one statement. And I want you to fact just one statement. And I want you to ask yourself about the statement Does this make someone feel something? Would this get a man excited to engage with me? Does this invite a man to picture himself into my world? And so attraction happens when someone feels something, not just read something.
Speaker 1:When your profile makes a man experience the emotion behind your words, he'll naturally feel drawn to you before he even sends the first message, and this also will have him wanting to go on a date with you very quickly and not forgetting about you. Because when men do not like, when people in general, if we don't have an emotional connection to something, we can detach very easily. This is why we'll have a conversation on the dating apps for weeks and it fizzles out and you're like what happened? Well, there was no emotional connection there or not enough for him to stay around. And when you're able to create this emotional connection, these men want to stay around more.
Speaker 1:And then step five of my five part method is in order for you to build a profile that attracts men you actually want is create conversations and invite men to connect with you, because a lot of us focus so much on listing what we want or what we like on our profile that we forget why we're on the app in the first place, and that is to create communities, to spark real conversations and create connections with men that we want to date. And if your profile is full of statements about yourself, it shows that you care about you, which is not a problem with that. You should care about you. But when you extend invitations to men, it shows that you care about creating a shared experience between you and him, making it easy for the right man to engage with you, the right man, the right man who aligns with you. So instead of just telling men who you are, I want you to invite them into the conversation. This makes it effortless for them to start talking to you in a way that feels natural and engaging. So a great profile doesn't just say here's what I like it says here's what we can experience together and here's what this I like it says here's what we can experience together and here's what this looks like.
Speaker 1:Instead of you saying I love books, you might say something like I'm always up for a bookstore date coffee in one hand, a new book in the other hand. What section are we heading to first? That's an invitation. What section are we headed to first Because I'm trying to go out? Instead of saying I love trying new restaurants, you might say something like if you know a spot with great ambiance and even better pasta, I'll let you pick the next dinner date. It's an invitation. Let me know the spot.
Speaker 1:Instead of saying I'm a sucker for great views, like I love a great view, you might say something like rooftop drinks, a city, skyline and deep conversation. Sounds like my kind of night. Which rooftop spot would you take me for our first date? I'm inviting you. I'm inviting you to connect with me. Or, if you are a woman, you know I know a lot of my clients like deep conversations and debates. So instead of saying I love a good debate or I love deep conversations, you might say something like what's one belief you've changed your mind about in the last five years? Let's swap stories over dinner. Do you see the imitations here, the consistent imitations? I'll share one from my profile. So in my profile when I'm pole dancing I say something like feeling both strong and beautiful during my pole dance sessions Care to see me in action. I'm inviting him. I'm inviting him into my world.
Speaker 1:I also on my profile, where my business entrepreneur photo was, I said I really want to explore more in-person events where I can learn new skills and meet fascinating, like-minded people. Are you down to join me? So if you're into that kind of thing in-person events, learning new skills are you down to join me on those events? Because I would like for you to come. And it's so funny because, yeah, I went to the live event this weekend, built to impact, and then Big Body Benz came with me. He even came to one of the sessions because Maya was like, hey, he can come if you want him, like, if he wants to come here, such and such speak, you know he can come. And so he actually came and he really enjoyed the message and he was really engaged and it was a great time for us to be able to do that together.
Speaker 1:I'll give you a client example, one of my clients. Oh, I love her so much and we're going to do a podcast episode together because you have to hear her story, but she wrote on her profile I'm known for getting excited about the little things a bouquet of fresh flowers, soft scrambled eggs and, of course, a delicious date with you. And she's pictured with a bouquet of flowers in her bio. I'm telling y'all the way she revamped her profile. Oh, I can't wait to do this episode with her.
Speaker 1:And she's also the one who wrote what's your strategy for wealth building while still enjoying the ride? Are you a calculated risk taker or more steady and secure? I'd love to compare notes. That's an invitation she's inviting. So, or more steady and secure? I'd love to compare notes. That's an invitation she's inviting. So what I want you to do, the action steps I want you to take, is I want you to review your prompts. Whether we're on Hinge, you know whatever app that you're on Bumble, review your prompts. Are they conversation friendly? Are they conversation friendly? Are they inviting? Are you inviting them to converse with you? And I want you to add at least one fun or interactive response that makes it easy for men to message you, to make it easy for men to want to connect with you. That makes it easy for men to be like oh yeah, she's ready to rock and roll. She's single, ready to mingle.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's review the five keys to building a profile that attracts men you actually want. Step one know exactly who you're talking to, because your profile should act like a filter, calling in the right man while making it clear who isn't a match. Step two is show. Do not tell. So stop listing vague facts about you and start painting a picture that shows the right man and for him to feel connected to you. Step three is use your photos to tell a story. Your photos should show a holistic view of who you are and not just be a collection of random cute photos. Step four is spark an emotional connection. You want to make sure your profile leads someone to feel something, leads a man to feel something. And because he feels something, he wants to feel something, leads a man to feel something. And because he feels something, he wants to do something. And step five make your prompts easy to respond to right. Create a conversation, an invitation, invite conversation. Instead of waiting for men to do it for you, invite them on your profile.
Speaker 1:So I've given you many action items, but here's where you can start here. If you're like Tora, I'm overwhelmed. I can't do all of this at one time. Here's the only thing I want you to do. I want you to take a look at your profile right now, girl, unless you're driving, okay, I want you to take a look at your profile and I want you to read it. Is it generic or is it very specific and detailed? Okay, and then I want you to look at it and say does it tell a story or does it just list facts?
Speaker 1:I want you to answer that question and then I want you to think with the kind of man you actually want, feel drawn to you. Think about the specific kind of man you want, not just honest, integral, but is he an adventurous man? What would that look like in adventure? Is he a man that is laid back and easygoing? How does that look? Is he an ambitious entrepreneur? Would the kind of man you actually want feel drawn to you? And so I want you to just rewrite one sentence in your bio. If all of this feels overwhelming, just write me one sentence, one sentence that is currently vague, and replace it with something that paints a picture. I want you to swap out a random photo that you have for one that actually shows a piece of your lifestyle and who you are and what your values represent. And then I want you to add at least one prompt that invites conversation. Okay, your profile is your first impression. It's time to make it work for you. That's what I want you to know. And also, please, please, please, please, share this episode with somebody who needs it.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy that you were able to join me for my signature series. I hope that you were able to get some results. If you haven't, if you've enjoyed my series, please leave a review on the podcast about your enjoyment of it. Please tag me in on Instagram. Please send me a DM something. Let me know that you really enjoyed these the series number one and then two.
Speaker 1:If you're like Tora, look, I read, I listened to this series. I know exactly what I'm doing wrong. I kind of know what to do right, but I do feel like I want some accountability. I want some guidance. I want to uncover my blind spots, because I know that I'm implementing, but I'm not sure if I'm implementing the quote unquote right way. So I would love for you to review. I would love for you to hold me accountable. I would love for you to review. I would love for you to hold me accountable. I would love for you to show me how to regularly adjust my profile and attract the types of men that I want. Feel free to book a sales call with me to work with me.
Speaker 1:This year. We're still in the first quarter, and by the end of the year, you can have a completely different life. Hell, by summer, you'll have a completely different life. So I definitely encourage you to book a sales call so that we can have a conversation about what it would look like to have you meet men online and in person, to give you a strategy to do that, and for you to finally have the year of 2025, where you never have to worry about how you're going to attract the men that you want again. So, yeah, you can book the sales call with the link in my show notes, or you could head to my Instagram and book your sales call there, but I would love to have a conversation with you and then, by the end of the call, we can just see if working together would be the best next step. If not, I will recommend you something else. So that concludes this series. You guys, continue to implement, continue to do what you need and until next time, bye.