Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How Sephra Stopped Chasing Men, Let Go of the Good Girl Act & Started Getting Everything She Wanted
Sephra walked into dating tired—...tired of feeling like she had to modify herself to keep a man, tired of settling for broke men, and tired of repeating the same cycle over and over again. But that all changed when she decided to take control of her love life.
Now? She’s dating men who check every box…attractive, financially generous, and emotionally available. She’s no longer bending to fit into someone else’s world. Instead, she’s fully in her feminine, setting the tone for her relationships, and watching men rise to meet her standards.
In this episode, she spills it all….how she ditched the “good girl” habits that were holding her back, the major mindset shifts that made all the difference, and how she finally learned to own her desires unapologetically.
If you’ve ever felt like dating is exhausting, or you’re wondering if you can really have the kind of love life you dream of, this episode is your proof…it’s possible.
Work with me to confidently date without losing yourself in the process, so you can attract high-caliber men while feeling desired, pursued, and in control.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
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@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. I have a really amazing episode for you. I'm interviewing another one of my incredible clients, sephra. She is a African queen living in Maryland so the DMV area and also plus size queen as well, for those who like benchmarks.
Speaker 1:And she, when she first came to me, she was very, very dissatisfied with her dating experiences. She was attracting men who were either financially broke or financially stingy, men who emotionally dumped on her and all the connections that she would establish would lead to her overextending herself, performing, getting into good girl and really trying to hold on to whatever piece of man that they were presenting to her. And now you can't even tell. You can't even tell. That's how. That is how she used to date. She is dating multiple men in a very delicious way and, um, you know what I'm just going to? Let you listen to the interview.
Speaker 1:I want to listen to the interview. She's somebody who has before she worked with me. She had been to therapy, she had been to a 12 step program, she had been in a woman's coaching group before, um, she had read self-help books, she was listening to the podcast. She just was not getting the results that she wanted and, yeah, I'm very excited. She said she was the typical church girl and she really wanted to really enjoy dating and experience dating that she has in a way that she never has before. And, yeah, without further ado, listen to the episode, really enjoy dating and experience dating in a way that she never has before. And, yeah, without further ado, listen to the episode. I got my girl Seth, the queen Queen Sephra, in the building. How are you doing, ma'am?
Speaker 2:Hi Tara, I am feeling elated. I'm so excited to be on here. It feels like a dream come true. First of all, it feels like a dream. I didn't think this would be happening, and it is a dream come true. I'm so excited that you're having me and I can't wait for us to get into the meat and potatoes.
Speaker 1:I'm at dream come true. Tell me more about that. I'm actually very curious.
Speaker 2:So, since I started working with you, I have always wanted to shout from the rooftop Whoever is having any boy issues. You need a dating coach, you need a dating coach, everybody needs a dating coach and you need to get with Torra because she gives you practical steps that make you achieve your goals. There's a lot of people that tell you you need to get from point a to point b, but I don't know how. If I did, I wouldn't be here. So it's a very practical approach and it holds you accountable, whereas, like, if you want to get to point A to point B, it's up to you, and so, whenever you're ready, you start taking the steps and it's like, oh my God, I'm here, I'm here, I'm finally here, so I'm excited.
Speaker 1:Oh, me too, girl. I remember when you used to send me the messages in Telegram. You're like.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I just want to full circle. We're here, it is okay in true date with sins podcast interview fashion. Three words suffer to describe your love life number one it is yummy and juicy, um.
Speaker 2:Number two it's fluffy and very airy like. The Japanese pancake is so jiggly like. I'm always excited when I think about my love life now and I just imagine the Japanese pancake. So there's that. And the third one it is life-affirming. So in addition to all the yumminess and the exciting stuff, there's also the deep work in there that just makes me feel like a new being has been born, pretty much oh, girl I am excited to talk about.
Speaker 1:Let's just let's jump in with with juicy and fluffy. I think that's what you said.
Speaker 2:Oh, was it yummy and juicy it was yummy and juicy yes, yeah so my love life now makes me excited to think about because I have all the things that I did not think was possible.
Speaker 2:So, attractive men I I love attractive men. I'm this kind of person that when I see you I just want to smile because of how cute you are, and it almost always seems like I have to trade that off with having a man that had resources, and so it's so juicy and yummy where the men I attract are very, very attractive by my standard and I see them. I just get really excited when I'm looking at them in pictures or in real life and I'm like, I'm like he's also smart and he also has resources and he doesn't need me for x, y and z and he just makes me feel really happy inside and it exudes on the outside, because I've had friends telling me oh girl, you've been glowing for real like it's the man. It's the man. I don't know what to say, but once the perspective shifts, everything gets better okay, then we talked about this japanese pancake airy light.
Speaker 1:Why would you describe your love life in that very interesting, unique way?
Speaker 2:I don't have emotional burdens weighing me down. I'm very light, yes, and I have the capacity to take care of myself more because I'm not carrying anybody's burden on my shoulders, and so when I'm talking to men, I'm not even expecting to hear stuff like emotional dump on me, and so there is no initial sigh or way down like, oh, what are we going to talk about today?
Speaker 2:Or how am I going to help him out today, like I'm just going in there to have fun and we have fun and my fun is prioritized too, and so I feel like a girl quote unquote on every date, because I just get cute and go out and I have fun and I'm smiling all the way from my drive back home and I'm just happy.
Speaker 1:Okay, japanese pancake, light and fluffy. I'm not burdened down by no man. No, no man asking me for things. Ain't no man emotionally dumping on me. I feel very free. Yes, so the third thing you mentioned was life affirming life, affirming Life affirming.
Speaker 2:There's so many layers to this, but dating has been something that has been challenging, and getting over this hurdle makes it seem like every and anything is possible. It's not possible just because we dream it and it happens, but because I know that I can go out there and get what I want. And it's different from my initial mindset where I'm waiting for a man to come and save me and so most of the energy is coming from him. The power is coming from him Like no, I got this, it's in me. Whatever I want, I can get, and if I don't get it right right now, that's okay. There are no right or wrongs, it's just lessons learned and go to the drawing board, figure out what went wrong, go back and do it again. So it gives me so much power that I can do anything I want to do, and that just gives me. It's like a full circle moment where you do this and you repeat and you get stronger and you repeat the process for instant repeat.
Speaker 1:That's so good, because I remember when we first connected and when we first met and so you just mentioned life affirming and believability, like being able to believe this was possible. Yeah, when we first jumped on our sales call together because you booked a sales call, we had a sales call. What did you not believe was possible when we hopped on there?
Speaker 2:That I would be in control a lot, because I have a tendency to modify myself to make the man happy. It happens effortlessly. If I see somebody that I like, they have a few characteristic traits that I want, I will do a whole lot of things to keep them around and if I get past my tolerance I'll basically explode and everything goes poof. So either all the way there or all the way here. So getting that middle ground seemed like a whole thing that I couldn't even envision it, let alone have it every day and keep it happening and repeat every day and keep it happening and repeat.
Speaker 2:Do you have, like an example of one time where you just completely just allowed a man to modify you?
Speaker 2:Yes, we about to put all my dirty laundry outside, okay, yes, so I generally like men with financial resources, because I am.
Speaker 2:I'm very soft and so having security is very important to me, and that means no 50-50. But I met a man that was very emotionally available, very smart, but also very broke but also very broke, and so that meant me having to trade what was a non-negotiable for me for over a year. That meant me having a lot of discussions trying to explain my standpoint, because, of course, he was trying to make me see where he's coming from with his good intentions, but good intentions don't pay the bills, and so I had to keep telling my brain it's not that bad, it's not that bad, he's making up for this in that area, in that area. And that was a really low point, because when I think about it now, I'm like, yeah, you shouldn't even have started it in the first place, because, as much as I let it go on, my brain is going to keep adjusting so that I feel comfortable in that space. But yeah, it was a very bad place.
Speaker 1:Is that the guy that we first had to navigate through when we first started working together?
Speaker 2:No, that's another one. So it was another emotionally available broke man. The one we talked about was he had the finances, he just wasn't giving it up. Oh, he was stingy. Yes, okay, he was stingy.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right, okay, yeah, cause I remember him, cause typically when clients come to work with me, they always dragging some leftovers and I'm like I never tell clients to get rid of these men.
Speaker 1:I didn't tell you to get rid of him because I knew when you shifted into the new version of yourself, you would just release him. Um, and that's pretty much what happened. Like we worked through it, you became a new woman and it was like, oh, he doesn't need to be here anymore, right, yeah, I don't have to force you to let these men go and, like, you just did it on your own and that that is in control and that is very powerful and I'm just, oh, we got so much to cover, but, oh, that just makes me feel so, oh, just thinking about that time and your ability. Okay, so now, when you hop on the sales call your intake form. What you wrote in your intake form you wrote I want to leave with my femininity, I want to experience the lover girl life. I'd love to know, like, what did that mean to you at that time?
Speaker 2:I did not even know what that meant. I have heard a lot of buzz about being in your feminine, and what does it mean? Everybody's saying the buzzword Like nobody tells you how to actually do it. So I felt like I wanted to be taken care of. That was what the feminine need meant to me. Then I wanted to be in a place where I didn't always have to worry about what was going to happen. It's like if I don't take control of the situation for this man, not for myself things are not going to go right. It's either a financial wreckage or emotional turmoil. So I had to be both partners in a relationship and I didn't want to do that anymore. I didn't even want to be responsible for myself. Quote unquote. I wanted the leader to come and take control and fix everything. I think that was what family gave me.
Speaker 1:And the love, lover girl life. What did that mean to you?
Speaker 2:Instagram wordy picture. What's that? Luxury designer bag scripts hold on, ma'am.
Speaker 1:Hold on, sal. Listen, I gotta ask you on that, cause that ain't stuff that I post and I talk about the little girl life. So, like, what made that be something that you were interested in, even though that's not even something that I even do?
Speaker 2:I wanted to get there. I didn't necessarily think that Tora had to be the person to get me there. It's like okay, this is what I want, and I felt like working with you, you were gonna like give me the men that already have those resources. They're just gonna lavish me with it. So it wasn't about working with the steps that you have in place. It was about granting me my wishes okay, okay.
Speaker 1:So what is femininity and the love of girl life mean to you now?
Speaker 2:oh, I take a deep breath with that one, because it is like the cool breeze that touches your face when you open your window. It's like the warm blanket you're just laying in a soft bed with cold sheet and cover yourself in the blanket. In reality, it means me being emotionally free. First of all, it means that I don't have any kids, and so I'm not acting like a mom on any level. It means me not trying to hold on to somebody so badly that I forget who I am. And in that freedom comes the responsibility of me taking ownership of my life and also being okay with the fact that what I want might not be what the other person is willing to give, and so I should be able to say that's okay. It's expansion and capacity and not having a very controlled attitude over the outcome. So it's freedom. It's just being happy in the present, living in the present moment and gratitude for where I am right now.
Speaker 1:You know, what's so beautiful about that Is that this is what it means to you now, this is what the love of girl life means to you, this is what the feminine means to you, and yet you still got the gifts. Yes, you still got the resources. You still got the financially generous men. Isn't that something I?
Speaker 2:know, I know it's like you can't have it value.
Speaker 1:You don't even value that stuff at all the way that you did previously. Now you value the internal success and you still have been able to experience the external success.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think know, I think I wanted the external, just so that I could say I have it. And whenever people are like so what, you got going on for you. I got a man and he took me there and he bought me that. But now it feels like this is where I'm meant to be. Now it feels like this is where I'm meant to be and whatever I need would come to me.
Speaker 1:And if it doesn't come, then it's not mine and that's okay too. Oh, y'all, y'all need to see how I'm looking at sephora, y'all need to see how I'm looking at her, because this is, this is language that when we first started working, was not even not in the vocabulary. Not in the vocabulary. You're like why, tor, why can't? Why are you not on my side? Why are you not on my side? Like get mad at me. This is amazing.
Speaker 1:It was a dream yeah, so we see that your relationship changed with the feminine love, a girl lifestyle. What was your relationship with dating when we first you got on that sales call, before we started working together? Like, what was your relationship with dating?
Speaker 2:my relationship with dating was on and off. On and off where I would have moments where my phone would be so dry if my phone rings, it's probably a telemarketer or my mom and when I would be in situationships or the actual relationship that I had, it was me getting chosen by the men. So they see me, they talk to me. Of course, I haven't had a man in like, however, months. I'm gonna say yes, let's see how it goes, and along the line, I start seeing things that I don't like. I either try to mother them or contort myself to make it work, and that goes on.
Speaker 1:For however long it can until it just explodes.
Speaker 2:So in the same pattern of just being in a dry spell, meeting one guy. Yeah, putting all your eggs in that basket, putting the man on my head, making sure that whatever he wants is prioritized, forgetting about myself and who I am.
Speaker 1:And doing it over and over again and then I guess it got to the point where you're like tired of it.
Speaker 2:So like what inspired you? Sick and tired of it. Sick and tired of it. The last one that happened was with the emotionally available guy that was really, really broke and I gave him so much money. I didn't tell nobody about it. I was so embarrassed because my mantra is I'm not taking care of no man. But I ended up doing it and so there was a lot of shame around it and I was like something's got to change, because this is not the life I want to live and I've been trying it for so long.
Speaker 1:I haven't been able to figure it out, so maybe I will ask for help oh yeah, so we're on the call together, we're on a sales call, we're having a conversation. When did you know that? Okay, I'm definitely doing this, or how did you know?
Speaker 2:I don't remember the exact moment on the call, but I think it was when we were trying to iron out what the next six months would look like, what I was gonna fit, and I'm like, yes, I want that. Yes, I want that. And I'm like, okay, what's stopping me now? Nothing. If I don't commit right now, I might get scared, I might get cold feet. So I better put my all into this and we'll see how it goes. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's interesting you do say that, because there are people who do get cold feet. They think about like oh shoot, like what if this doesn't work? What if I do the six months? What if I spend the money and nothing changes? And then they get cold feet and six months. What if I spend the money and nothing changes?
Speaker 2:And then I get cold feet and six months, nothing actually changes. Nothing actually changes and I'm like six months is going to go by whether I do anything or not, and I never have a problem investing in myself because that's the best kind of investment there is. But I know that there is a lot of shame for me around. Why can't you figure dating out? It's just get a man right and you're so pretty, men are all over you. That's not true.
Speaker 1:And you are very beautiful.
Speaker 2:Thank you. So it's a lot of expectations around how I should be relating with the upper sex. That is not just there, and I'm like, if I don't ask for help, my ego is going to come up and things are going to keep me where I am instead of moving forward.
Speaker 1:I had working together and I know, you know, this is the good girl pattern that kept it showed up every single week, on a daily basis, showed up in our sessions. It showed up in our telegram conversations. No-transcript.
Speaker 2:Trying to make everything perfect, trying to make sure that I showed up a certain way, whether that was real or not. That would mean me doing all the calls, sending the messages, trying to feel the man's feelings before he responds to my text, and anticipate my response even before I got a response.
Speaker 1:It's crazy so no, it's actually not crazy and so many women are going through it, which is why I'm like I'm like, let's, let's talk about this, because so many women are going through the same thing.
Speaker 2:I try to make sure that everything has to be perfect so that nothing falls apart, and that would put me in a situation where I'm thinking about what do I write? Not even before I got the man. So, before I got the man, do I swipe right? Why am I swiping right? Is he cute? Does he have money? Are we going to talk? I'm going to project a whole conversation with a profile picture on bumble before I even swipe. What are we gonna talk about? And then what he's gonna say? He don't look like somebody that can hold a conversation. So it's a lot of thinking and management of something that I only have 50% control over, and it's very draining.
Speaker 1:It's very draining. I remember when you sent me your profile. Well, first of all we had to fix the profile, but once we clean up the profile now we had to go all right. Now we're matching with men and we're having conversations, and a lot of women don't realize that their good girl pattern shows up in this overthinking of what to do, what to say, and then also, when things don't turn out perfectly, then I don't want to do it anymore. And so whenever I looked at your messages, I could tell I'm like Sefa don't want to be here, she don't want to be in this conversation with this man, and you would send it it. You'd be like well, torah, I didn't have no good conversations this week. Well, I didn't go on any dates this week. And I'm like send me the screenshot self.
Speaker 1:Let me read you don't want to be there, but I was still in there but that's the thing a lot of us are doing the work but not being the work. We are doing and checking out the boxes, like Torah told me to be online, torah told me to have these conversations. Torah told me dating is not optional. I'm gonna do it because Torah said which is doing the work versus being the work of? Actually, I'm building a skill set here.
Speaker 2:The irony of that is I also had shame in the initial stages of coming to you with what is happening on the app really yes.
Speaker 2:So I swipe and it doesn't go anywhere and I'm like should I send this to Torah? I don't know, because I feel like I have failed at that point. So because I'm coming to you and you're guiding me on what to do and I'm I should go and figure this stuff out. I should go and do the things and hit all the markers and be the good student, like what I did last week.
Speaker 1:And those are the. If you really want to make progress and you know this now you can't be a good student. Good students don't work because good students only give updates. Good students take the homework and give me updates, but they don't really give me what's really happening inside of them. What are the limited beliefs that are coming up? What are the frustrations? What are the? What is the shame around all of this? So how can I help you navigate when your updates don't expose the true nature of what's going on? Yeah, but then there was a shift. There was a shift. There was a shift from dry ass conversations you was having with men, obligated ass conversations you was having with men to. I'm getting screenshots from you and you are willing and dealing, you are moving and grooving. You are having amazing conversations with men that are excited about going out on a date with you and you being able to secure these dates within 24 hours. What led to the shift?
Speaker 2:you. No, no, it wasn't me Pulling my wigs and dragging my edges along with it. I will never forget a conversation we had where I sent you a screenshot about this man and we had a few good texts back and forth and I forgot what exactly he said, but I was like I'm no longer interested. I wish you good luck. Blah, blah blah. And I sent a screenshot to her. She was like why are you mad? Both of you are on the same energy. That's when I said you should be on my side.
Speaker 1:I'm like I can't be on your side. Like you are literally attracting these kinds of men.
Speaker 2:You are matching their energy she's like both of you are on. Both of you understand why you mad. I'm like I'm supposed to be spoiled here. It meant that he's supposed to take my bs on some level, I guess. So at that point I had to take responsibility and be like okay, so even if he's not saying what I want to hear, freedom of speech means he can say whatever he wants to say. And then what am I making it mean? Is it uncomfortable for me just because I don't want to hear that? Or it's actually an issue? And how do I want to address that?
Speaker 2:So making that shift meant that I had to be present in every conversation, and if I wasn't able to do that, I'll be like I'm busy right now, I'll catch you some other time, or let's get on the phone. Let's talk for 10 minutes and I had to get on the phone. I hate getting on the phone. I had to get on the phone because that meant I had to do a video call to see this man's face and I had to have something to talk about on the call. So that meant me preparing and always being ready.
Speaker 2:If I'm swiping on the app and I have somebody responding, I'm like this could potentially turn into a video call. What's my face looking like? I don't like sprinkle water on my face, so I always had to be ready, so I don't have to get ready. That meant me taking a lot of responsibility, channeling the conversation how I wanted it to go. If it was something that I didn't want to talk about in the moment I'm like it sounds like something we should have on a date. How about we go on a date?
Speaker 1:yeah, I'm just snapping my fingers over here. Go ahead, go ahead, steph.
Speaker 2:And so that made a big difference, because I wasn't waiting for him to lead and I also saw the humanity in him, because most of the times we place men on a pedestal and we expect them to know everything and give us all the answers Like you don't really know, we're all just figuring it out and give us all the answers, like you don't really know. We're all just figuring out. And so we can plan the date together. Of course, I already have options of days that I want to go out on and the thing of is this going to work for you? Where is the time, where's the location? And I will go on that date and be happy, regardless of how it turns out eventually.
Speaker 1:I think also it requires for you to show up as the woman you want to be, regardless of how the men are showing up, because there was a time when men would respond a certain way and then you would match their energy and then the conversation would just blow up or fizzle out.
Speaker 2:You would be mad and frustrated about it Because I had to show them that I also have a big mouth. I'm smart. You're not going to tell me that I'm going to tell you what I want to tell you, and that also was my own wound of me not feeling like enough and feeling like too much at the same damn time. So whenever I saw men that were trying to be smart no, we're going to iron this out. However, now tell me more. Why did you say that? It happened recently with this guy that I was talking to and I love to cook, and in prior conversations I wouldn't tell men that because of this thing, they expect you to cook. But now I'm like that's something I really enjoy doing, so why would I hide it? Because I had a conversation with him and he asked me what I had for lunch, and so I told him and he said he didn't send me none. And I was like, yes, man, okay, let's breathe. And I'm like why did you think that was an appropriate response?
Speaker 2:oh sam, oh, and he didn't say nothing to me no more. That was the end of that match, the whole thing. And even though I was upset in the moment because I was excited for us to go on a date, I was happy because, like, let the weeds weed out themselves this early on so that we can get moving with people that we actually want to match with. So it's me being the conscious person in that conversation, so that I'm responding from a place of curiosity as opposed to entitlement and judgment.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting over like a proud mama because I'm like, who is this woman Like? Who is talking to me at this point in time Speaking of matches, when you so we clean up your profile? Like you did amazing work. We created you a dream girl profile where men were able to land on your profile. That is my dream girl. And then it helped you, like we learned the match to meet method. You were able to learn the match to meet method to easily move men off the apps, and I remember your first date from your dream girl profile and how you created that experience allowed the man to show up for you. Not only was this man attractive, but he also had financial resources and he also fulfilled your desires. You want to talk a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:That actually blew me away. Yeah, and it blew me away because it was on Hinge, prior to us working on the profile. I did not like the ads. I had the ads. I just go there and swipe for fun, really. But I did the same profile on Hinge and Bumble and actually got very beautiful matches on Hinge and Bumble. But we're going to focus on personal for now.
Speaker 2:So I matched with him and the conversation was effortless because I wasn't trying to be anybody other than who I am. I'm funny, I have jokes and so when I put a comment forward, he responds to it. It's a little joke in there. Give him the joke, he responds to it. So we had a little banter and I'm like oh, he complimented my skin. He's like your skin looks really good and I'm like thank you, you should see it in person, it looks better. How about we go on a date? And he's like yes, I want to go on a date.
Speaker 2:And so we got a call, did a video call and then we planned a date. We were supposed to go to a museum. So we went to the museum. He actually, we did the train. That was the first time I took the train in a long time. He planned my route for me. He came to where my train stop was, because his was different, and so he came to mine and we walked down to the museum together and we had an amazing time at the museum and we went out for lunch later on and we planned the second date on the first date. That was how amazing it was.
Speaker 2:And we went on the second day and planned the third date on the second date. It just kept flowing, and I think another thing that was beautiful about that was the fact that in between those dates number one, they're very short, so it wasn't a thing of I'm seeing him today, I have to see him one month after. It's like I want to see you tomorrow, are you available? I want to see you this weekend. We don't have to have a programmed structure to this thing so that I'm not too available, I'm not too cheap. There's no such thing and in between those days I actually felt seen where he's asking questions that make me feel like he actually wants to get to know me and when I give my responses or ask them questions.
Speaker 2:He's not avoiding them, he's having um genuine responses, he's taking accountability when necessary, and so it actually felt like this is nice. It actually feels good to be seen and catered to.
Speaker 1:So that was amazing, and you know what else is amazing about that. I know this was your first time for a lot. This was your like wasn't this your first time having a guy take a picture of you? Yeah, on the day, yeah. So you told him the date you wanted to go on. Yes, you, you told him exactly the kind of date you wanted. He fulfilled it. He planned your route, then you, because a part of the meeting man momentum method is having them take pictures of you for your profile he actually offered.
Speaker 2:He's like you look so good, you want me to take a picture for you. Like oh, I was hot. Well, like yes, we're going to do it. And so he took really good pictures that are now on my profile.
Speaker 1:Your dating profile. So he did that. So these are like really new, fresh experiences, and so a lot of times clients have a. Really, when you guys first start working with me, you guys have a hard time believing because I have y'all operating as the woman first. A lot of times we want to see the evidence first and then we're going to operate a certain way. But this work doesn't work that way. Like you have to be the woman first. You have to have faith. The evidence of things not seen, like you really have to. You don't see the men, you don't see the quality that you're looking for, you don't see the dates, but you have to embody that woman, no matter what.
Speaker 1:So, it's kind of hard for them to believe. I had, like that's what you were doing. You were stepping into that bird, even though sometimes you had a tantrum with me and didn't want to do it. You embodied the woman and you stuck to it and then you were able to see the evidence as you continue to stick with it, like, what did that evidence actually do for you? How did that, like, change the game for you, knowing that? Okay, now I see the results.
Speaker 2:It gave me more confidence, gave me more audacity. It gave me the willingness to live and let live. Because prior I try to hold on to things for so long because I'm like I'm not going to get another one, I better milk all the juice out of this one. But I meet men on the apps all the time, so it's like that's okay, you can go Go get another one.
Speaker 1:But even after this last guy, because I know that with his travels and what he had going on, you guys y'all stopped talking to each other. But was it dry, did we not end?
Speaker 2:up in another. I mean even more amazing connection even a more amazing one.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, absolutely. And it's what you say about having faith, because I always wanted a man with resources. I don't even know what that looks like, I just know there's supposed to be like by himself. But he had so much resources. I'm like, is this real, is this a movie? Like we went on the first date and I felt broke. I have never felt.
Speaker 2:We went on the first date and I was trying to get us a deal to bowl and he's like no, we don't need that. And he said next time I'm going to take you to a different place. I'm like, oh my God, I don't took him to the broke people place, but he had not just the financial resources, but he had the people. He had the community sources, but he had the people. He had the community. When he speaks, you know that he has so much capacity in his mind that it's just there. He's not searching for it. It's just so much resources around him and he's always traveling and sharing his experiences. Resources around him. And he's always traveling and sharing his experiences and like he probably travels maybe twice a month at a minimum and meeting with the prime minister of this place and meeting with this person.
Speaker 2:So there's the people, there's the expanded lifestyle, there's the finances. There's just so many things to the resources. I'm like okay. So this is more than what I thought it could be and I'm really excited. So now I know what to look for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and not just resources. I remember you telling me one day you was like Tora. I'm feeling kind of insecure because I thought he was out of my league.
Speaker 1:Not his man. I feel like they're out of my league. Not these men, I, I feel like they're out of my league. So you are reconciled, like you were stepping into this new identity of a woman, like we were in transition. Yeah, but the fact that you held on to the faith, like you were able to pull in these men, you did your work, you held on to your faith and you were like I said, why do you feel like they're out of your league? You were like it's bigger than the resources. Like these, you feel like they're out of your league. You were like it's bigger than the resources, like these men are intelligent, they're cultured.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's also a thing of. That's why I tell everybody you need a dating coach, because I would have self-sabotaged. It was so much for me, because I kept feeling like, so what is he looking for in this connection? Because I don't see it. What exactly does he see? And, sorry, it's like it's you, it's just you. You're giving him the energy and the connection that he wants and that's why he's here. If he didn't want to be here, for the kind of man he is, he would not be here. If he didn't want to be here and I think another thing that made me feel like he was out of my league he did not need anything from me, absolutely nothing and I'm like this man don't need me for anything.
Speaker 2:What exactly are we doing here? Because I always had to play a role, to feel wanted something that would make me feel like, oh, oh, I've secured my space here and if they were to leave me that's their loss. But that did not happen there, and so it was just so much new stuff happening. I felt like I would have self-sabotaged if I didn't have somebody like coaching me through it.
Speaker 1:And that's one thing that I mentioned to you I was like girl. The real work happens when you get these men, because so many clients come to me and they're like Tor, I want the men, I want quality men, I want to go on on days I'm like, okay, that's cool, that's cute, we can do that. But the real work happens when you start attracting the men that you've always wanted but never thought that you would get. And when you started attracting these men, I think I got a message from you once a week, at least twice a week, about the self-sabotage, because there was this okay, here is this man and here are my wounds, here are my insecurities. They are at war with one another. And so there was a lot of moments where let's, let's talk about, like you being like uncomfortable with emotions that were coming up for you, um, and how it was causing you to want to well, damn near self-sabotage. And sometimes we had to, we had to bring it back. I'm like we can save this.
Speaker 2:I think my homework for weeks was sit with the uncomfortable emotion. I remember it was there a lot um being with a lot of new emotions meant that I either had to deal with it or run away. But running away wasn't an option, and the beautiful thing about this work is that it's not about the man. It looks as if it's about getting the man, but it's not, because those things will come up regardless of whose face I'm dealing with at the time, and I'm really glad I stuck with it, because a lot of feelings about not being enough made me feel really, really uncomfortable and I felt like I either had to do something but there was nothing to do. He did not need me for anything. That made me even more uncomfortable because if there was something to do, I would insert myself in there and do it, but you didn't need to do anything. Just sit and be present and have conversations that make you happy and smile and have fun.
Speaker 2:That was so hard. It sounds so trivial, but it was really hard, and so I had to get comfortable with just existing, just being who. I am not trying to be the perfect woman so they can ask you to be the official girlfriend being okay with making requests because, also at that point it felt like he's everything I wanted. So I'm gonna be okay with this. I want stuff, but maybe that's gonna push him away. So I'm gonna be okay with this. But no, I had to ask for stuff and doesn't have to be like material stuff, but like I want to see you so and so time, I want this, I want that.
Speaker 2:And that was also uncomfortable because I felt like he's either gonna say no, disappear altogether, um, ask me why. In a way where I feel like, oh my God, that was too much. And I have to hide, you know, and going through the process makes me feel right now like I'm enough. I'm more than enough Because I've gone through the process where I have seen what it is like to be me without performance, and that was more than enough. And so if she's not good enough for you, I can't help you. This is me and this is what I have to offer. So, because I know that I'm enough, I try to be a responsible adult and I try to be decent. So if this is not enough for you, I cannot help you out.
Speaker 1:That's so beautiful, especially as high achieving women of faith. Like we're raised to be good girls, we're raised to perform for attention, validation, for approval. Even us getting good grades in school, like, that's like a big thing for us to receive love and approval and doing what our parents want us to do. And I know that you're also African, so that's even, that's even a different, extra slather of culture and expectation that comes along with.
Speaker 1:you know you showing up a certain way, and so I remember when I would look at screenshots of the conversations that you are having with some of these guys, part of the not enoughness was showing up to where he would say something, you would say something, he would say something, you would say something. And I would look at the conversation. I'm like why are you having this conversation? Why are you saying this? What is the purpose of the conversation? Because every conversation you have with the man needs to be intentional. A lot of times we're used to like saying words just to have contact, and you, you would say, well, I want to see him or I would like to go out with him or I would like for him to call and I'm like so why aren't you saying it?
Speaker 1:And you will be like well, I don't want to push him away or I don't want to seem like I'm this. And that's another form of performance of I'm not enough or I'm too much. Yeah, I'm too much. It's going to be too much for me to ask of this. So therefore, I'm not enough or I'm too much. I'm too much, it's going to be too much for me to ask of this. So therefore, I'm not going to ask how did that shift for you and what was the result?
Speaker 2:I am not the same woman. That's all I can say, because I remember I did not even like putting myself in positions where men could ask me out. They have to seek me out and they ask for my number. I have to give them some story about why I'm not giving it right away, but it's like Because you didn't want to look cheap and easy.
Speaker 1:I remember.
Speaker 2:Exactly that was the main thing thing I don't want to be easy and I'm glad we worked through that, because me trying to play hard to get was also in the same box with me feeling like I was too much, because I want you to work hard for this girl that's too much, so that when I start being too much it's not too much for you. You already did the work before.
Speaker 1:You're used to it.
Speaker 2:And how I went through a tantrum. The number wasn't easy to get in the first place, so you better be careful. It's all a game. It's all a game that wasn't really producing any tangible results. And when I started expressly saying what I wanted or how I felt, the men were able to say yes. Most of the time they said yes, that's the thing you think they'd say no, but most of the time they'd say yes. They said yes, that's the thing you think they'd say no, but most of the time they'd say yes. And when they even say no, there is a logical reason why they say no. And when they say no because everybody has a right to say whatever they want to say I can say well, no more interesting. I don't have the motivation to remain in this connection, so deuces.
Speaker 2:But the shifting happened with me practicing a lot of acceptance, where I give myself the freedom to say whatever I want to say and I practice acceptance with whatever I do want to say. So sometimes I would say stuff and put my phone away for a minute just because I don't want to see what the response will be. Sometimes that will mean me checking every second why haven't he responded? But I said it and I said it and I left it there. That's up to him. So practicing repetition made it easier where this is what I want to say now and you know, okay, even more comfortable to say like yes, what were you even afraid of?
Speaker 1:but yeah, I love that so much because I I remember when you were practicing acceptance damn near every day. I remember particularly one time you sent me a conversation between one of you and a guy you were dating and you were really feeling him and there were certain responses he was given that you didn't have approval of. And I'm looking at these responses he gave and I'm like what if none of these responses were a problem? What makes these responses a problem for you? And you were like Tara, you're supposed to be on my side. Do you like him or something? Are you rooting for him or something?
Speaker 1:I'm like I don't even know this man. I don't care. I don't care who he is, but what I do recognize is that your lack of acceptance of yourself is like bleeding into how you accept the men and how they show up. If you're able to accept pieces of yourself and how you show up like, none of this will be a problem. None of this will activate you. All of this will be you. All of this will be neutral. Now, do you believe me? Now?
Speaker 1:because the good girl this goes back to the good girl, where the good girl is like everything I was supposed to do I did what I was supposed to do. He's the bad boy. He's not doing what he's supposed to do, he's not following the rules. He should be a good boy and I'm like no, stop being a good girl If you stop being a good girl, we don't need to control other people.
Speaker 2:Everybody can just do what they want to do. There was a lot of audacity in that connection and it pissed me off a lot.
Speaker 1:But because and that's the reason why that man was so erect in a lot of areas and why he was so desirable because he held his own. He didn't need you, um, he didn't need you emotion like for you to emotionally dump on you. He didn't need you financially, he was taking care of business and it's like like I'm a grown ass man. Yeah, I don't got time for tantrums, I don't got time for you, for you needing me to show up a certain way, and a lot of us don't realize that. So many of us are actually jealous of the way these men show up.
Speaker 1:We are jealous of their audacity, we are jealous of how they're able to say no very clearly, without no, without no guilt or anything like that, and if we are able to let go of the good girl and ourselves, like we can really appreciate how these men actually show up in our lives. Um, but you mentioned something about tangible results, whitney. I'm just snapping my fingers because because of all the internal success that you focus on because that's what I always teach like we need to focus on internal success because that's how we get external success, long standing external success what you reap, you're going to reap what you sow, but you've got so much external success. I remember the first time you ever asked for flowers and had two men show up with them. One man drove hours to show up with them to your house. I remember he was just a friend. Yes, and you requested it. And I remember how excited you were when you got that bouquet. Yeah, and you just sent me the picture. That was like the start. That was the start of your hero's journey.
Speaker 2:Another one came all the way from New York, drove hours, lodged himself in a hotel for two nights, took me around town, held my bag while we were just chilling. It was surreal.
Speaker 1:And you live in a DMV.
Speaker 2:I live in Maryland, so that was at least three hours drive just to come see me that has never happened before and delivered flowers.
Speaker 1:And the crazy thing about it, he was already in your orbit. Yes, you didn't even see him as potential. And a lot of women I'm like. Look, you have already men in your circle. Let's qualify these men now.
Speaker 2:I was waiting for him to take the lead. He was like he mapped me out.
Speaker 1:And guess what? He still drove to three hours and bought you some flowers and gave you the weekend of your life. And then you were like, oh, I don't think we're in alignment. Like you were able to have clarity around all of that, even though he showed up. Amazingly. You're like, oh, I actually don't think we're in alignment. It wasn't like he was bad or an asshole, but if you would have never spoken up, asked for what you want, had that man drive down, show you a good time, you wouldn't have known if you were not in alignment. And then you had. It was no more energy leaks from him just being in your orbit he was somebody that came and invested in you and they were able to make a choice.
Speaker 2:They were able to make a decision.
Speaker 1:Yes, you made a decision. You had a man. You were the one I always talk about when you were like, hey, I want to explore my sexuality without having sex and had the guy book a hotel for you to just. You want to tell that story?
Speaker 2:Yes, that is also an amazing story because I never thought that would happen. So many things I never thought would happen. So we I think that was our second date and I really enjoyed the first date. I was enjoying the second date. I didn't want it to end just then, but of course I already did the whole math in my head, or if I say something, where are we going to go and what's it going to look like. But I'm like, okay, one thing at a time, let's just ask. So I'm like I'm really enjoying our day so far, but I don't want it to end. I just want us to relax, like lay in a very comfortable position, stare at the stars and just have a very peaceful moment. And he's like, okay, I can make that happen. And I'm like I did.
Speaker 2:He's like do you like this place? Do you like this place? He's showing me different hotels so we can go chill. And I'm like, yeah, you like this place, do you like this place? He's showing me different hotels so we can go chill. And I'm like, yeah, I like this place. So he books the hotel, makes a reservation immediately and we finish our date, we drive down there and he's like we can just relax whenever you're ready to go home. Let me know and there's so many things that were clicking in my head at the time, like, first of all, that sex wasn't the first thing on his mind and not having the sex did not stop him from having this happen. And just because he paid for the hotel doesn't mean we have to stay till morning.
Speaker 2:We can leave whenever it gave me the freedom to say whatever I wanted to say and know that somebody can do it. He did so much that night I had to run back to Tor. I'm like Tor, I just happened.
Speaker 1:And you know what that did. What that does is that gives you so much confirmation that you can never let that go. Yeah, yeah, it's an expectation that men will show up for you and not be looking for sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that will pay for an experience. See see Tisa looking for sex. Yeah, that will pay for an experience.
Speaker 1:It happens so many times after that too, see, see, see, see, not in a particular way, but men, showing up for me, just for fun, just chill, not meeting Just as a sport. Yeah, I'm, it's a sport to please Queen Zephyr. So you were able to explore your sexuality in that way without having sex.
Speaker 1:But you were also able to explore your sexuality with the boudoir shoot that a man paid for, and I also talk about this, about it being a $600 shoot, and I remember you going back and forth. I want to ask for this.
Speaker 2:Oh, I had to read, we had to do that on a call together.
Speaker 1:You're like, I want to ask for this and I don't know. And like you kept going back and forth. I was like, girl, if you don't do this shit on this call, we're going to do it together, you're going to. Did you leave a voice note? Or did you send him a text? It was a message. Okay, I'm like, look, you're going to do it, we're going to allow it to unfold. And how did you feel when you got that cash app $600?
Speaker 2:for the voodoo offshoot. Oh my God. Of course it was free money, but it felt like a different kind of free money because it sent it the day I wasn't even expecting it and I just woke up to a cash app notification oh my God, somebody gave me $600 that I didn't have to clock in for. Oh my, I have never seen that before and it felt like it doesn't matter what the need is, because at some point I might have felt if you were my rent, somebody would give me so I wouldn't be homeless, correct, no, you just want to have fun.
Speaker 2:I remember part of the message was I want to do this to experience my femininity and be free and just explore, and just because it doesn't have to be something that is a life or death issue for somebody to show up for you, and that made me feel really cared for, because even the boudoir shoot wasn't something that I had thought of before when I started dating and I started meeting men and I started feeling more catered to, I started feeling softer and it just came out of nowhere. It's like I want to see myself more, because now I'm appreciating myself more and I want to do things that I haven't done before, because that's the whole process.
Speaker 2:The whole point of this process is like we're gonna see what you really are, you know like I like sexy things. I've been raised as a christian and so I have to pretend like those things don't matter to me, but I do like things like that. So let's see what it feels like. And that happened and the shoot was amazing. It was. I got to see the pictures, guys.
Speaker 1:She was hot, hot, hot, hot. Just guys, she was hot, hot, hot, hot. And one, one last thing I want to talk about in terms of your tangible experiences, because I know one thing that was important for you is like men showing up for you in a way that they never have, and our focus was financially stable men. Now we have shift. We shifted to, you know, uh, even more well-rounded men. Um, your birthday, you had the best birthday ever. You want to talk about that and how you were able to, like you created the birthday different from other, how you've experienced other birthdays.
Speaker 2:Yes, so my birthday was in November and it was the best birthday I ever had, because I think I've been doing the work maybe four months at that time or so, and so I had different desires popping up here and there and I'm like you, this is your job, this is your job. And so I just kept crying, and especially after I had sent the boudoir shoot, that was like a big thing for me. So it's like I got all this other stuff what's the word I'm saying? Like I already got my yes, so there was no expectation attached to the outcome. The ask was the big thing and I think I got everything but one, literally everything but one thing. What'd you get?
Speaker 1:What'd you ask for?
Speaker 2:So I asked for Cologne's perfumes. I restocked my perfume from my birthday gift. I have a whole new arena of perfumes from my birthday gift. I matched with a man at some point and he was really nice, really gentle, and I was like I want him to do something for me for my birthday. But he hadn't even gone on a date, so I didn't want to seem materialistic and so I asked him to make me a playlist and he said what kind of playlist do you want? I said I want something that would make me feel really special and soft on my birthday, whatever you think is nice.
Speaker 2:And so it wasn't just that he made the playlist, that was very touching. He asked for recommendations from his family and friends and he put a really nice playlist together and I was listening to some of the songs. I had to ask him like this song is so nice, like where is the inspiration from? He's like oh, he asked so and so what kind of music they like to feel soft, to feel special? Oh, you went all the way for me, so that was really nice. Um, I also had a beautiful experience with my phone, that's having her residency all the way in Wichita and she traveled with me to Wyoming to celebrate my birthday. So it wasn't just the men.
Speaker 2:It was the women too, and it's like I think I brought a leaf from one of your friends, so I sent in our invites way before her birthday. I'm like I'm going to ask everybody that I want to ask for something and we'll see how that turns out. And it turned out roses, too, I got. I got roses, specifically the number of roses that match my birthday, and I use it for a photo shoot. So that was also there, cause it's like this is what I want, this is how I want it and this is exactly what it's going to look like. And it turned out the same way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that so much. And how does that compare to your birthdays in the past and how you showed up for your birthdays in the past?
Speaker 2:My birthdays in the past were just me trying to make myself happy because it's my birthday. Trying to make myself happy because it's my birthday. I did not feel like I was worthy to take off anyone's resources or time. If people were to send me a birthday message, oh, that is more than enough. Like you, remember my birthday and it's something that, although I really wanted to celebrate it, I did not even have the capacity to be like. What am I going to ask for without feeling like I'm not entitled to? You don't?
Speaker 1:owe me this.
Speaker 2:I haven't done something for you, so why would you do something for me? And so that has shifted just because you can say no.
Speaker 1:But I'm going to ask, I'm going to leave the responsibility on you we have covered so much today, from why your love life is amazing to what made it hard, to what steps that you had to take, like what was one of your favorite tools that we used together, or favorite pieces of coaching that you feel like, if I didn't leave with anything else, it was this tool, method, coaching. Like what would you say?
Speaker 2:I like the. I don't know what to call it, but the little short things you put out. One of them is I am the sun. Call it, but the little short things you put out, one of them is I am the sun.
Speaker 1:Oh, in the curriculum.
Speaker 2:Yes, and everything revolves around me, and there are a few of them like that. It puts things in perspective. For me, it's like I am really the sun and everybody that comes around me feels the energy, they feel light, they feel happy, they feel joyous. And why wouldn't I feel like the sun? It's literally evidenced in itself so that reaffirms the thought.
Speaker 2:for me. Another one is I am a garden and to give, I have to be tended to. It's like nobody asks the egg while it's fragile. It's just fragile, and if you want to reap the result of you want to eat an egg, you got to be careful, else you're going to slip it on the floor, so you have to. I feel like I have to be tended to, and that means me asking for what I want. And if you're not going to tend to the flower, the flower is not going to bloom.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to walk away.
Speaker 2:Another thing is the self-coaching model.
Speaker 2:It comes in really handy where I'm about to freak out, because it grounds me in the moment.
Speaker 2:Because it grounds me in the moment and it gives me my thought process in the moment, so I can see where my thoughts are unraveling and I can see why I'm having the results I'm having, as opposed to the intentional model, which is the woman I want to be.
Speaker 2:So I have to bring myself to the center to be that woman I want to be and have those thoughts that I want to be. So I have to bring myself to the center to be that woman I want to be and have those thoughts that I want to have and then get the result. I mean, it makes me feel like magic because it's a shift in the brain. It literally just shifts my mindset and when I'm having like a bad mood and I shift it and I'm light hearted and I'm energetic, I can now converse in that manner. Like a bad mood and I shifted and I'm light hearted and I'm energetic, I can now converse in that manner and the energy I see from the other person just shows that yeah, this was you. You did that because this conversation was about to go left right now, but you brought him back to the center Exactly.
Speaker 1:I remember being so impressed with you. Whenever you were about to crash out with a man, you would do a model. You would do that work and you would send it to me for review. And I'm like this girl isn't playing, like, although she about to crash out, although she throwing a tantrum and she's like kind of low key, mad, mad with me, she's still doing her work. She's sending the models and I'm like I'm so impressed with that of someone taking responsibility, even though they feel dysregulated, even though they are like frustrated and like ready to like get rid of, get rid of all them in. That's what you did and I'm like that's the work. Yeah, that's how hell, that's what I do. When I'm about to want to delete all the men, I'm like, okay, let me coach myself and you actually use those tools. So I'm like I actually didn't know that. The sun module helped you.
Speaker 1:I did not, I did not. No, we did not talk a lot about that the.
Speaker 2:The story tells me, it makes me visualize it. It's like the sun is there, it's just there and inherently it gives energy, it gives light, it gives heat and you either want the sun or you don't.
Speaker 1:It's not negotiating with you, I mean go in the house, but you're still going to feel the light.
Speaker 2:Exactly you, I mean going to house, but you still gonna feel the light, you're still gonna feel it so it gives me something to look forward to and like, yeah, why am I trying to be somebody that I'm not? I know who I am. Another thing that I like, too, is the dream team. I don't have all of them complete, but it helps me to see that I don't have to go at this alone, and when I'm doing stuff and I feel like, can you tell somebody about this, but I'm not stop this right here, I love it that I'm accountable to people. It helps me from deviating all the way.
Speaker 1:And if you're listening to this, she's referring to the content that's in one of my modules in the curriculum. So when we work together one to one, you also get access to my signature curriculum, and in this particular section, it's all about how to prioritize yourself while dating, how to put yourself first. Um, a lot of times we lose ourselves when we get amazing men. It's easy to tell the dusty by. It's easy to tell the ugly man by, but when you have attractive, cultured, intelligent, financially resourceful, emotionally, emotionally available men, you might crash out, you might put him on a pedestal, and so that's all about how to put yourself first and always be able to get what you want and be who you want, in spite of dating amazing men. You won't be able to lose yourself there, speaking, letting the people know what's happening. What would you say to someone who's listening to you right now and who's feeling the same way you did before we started working together? Like, what would you say to them right now?
Speaker 2:It's possible. Forget whatever you think, forget whatever your family story is Because I also don't really have a model family story to go by it's possible.
Speaker 2:And where you are right now, well, that was what happened for me when you are right now has to be more uncomfortable than where you're going, and you're going to make the move Because it could have been worse than it is right now.
Speaker 2:And so, to anybody that's listening, whether you feel like your situation is not the best, you have to start from somewhere and it's going to work itself out, because the level of responsibility you take in this work it literally makes you feel like you can do anything. You're able to make decisions and know why you're making those decisions, and I feel like having your why grounds you a lot, and even when you are feeling unsteady because of emotions, you can always come back to your why, and so the level of responsibility makes your life better, and because it is within you. It's not in the man, it's not in the church, it's you. You can wake up at 2 am and do a model. You're not waiting for nobody. You can wake up at 5 am and doa model, and you will see these actions turning around and fixing itself because of how you show up. So just take the plunge, it's going to work out.
Speaker 1:For those that have been contemplating, because there's a lot of people that are like I want to work with Tora or I want to get coaching but I'm like I don't think I'm ready to get on a sales call or I'm kind of nervous about getting on a sales call. I feel like it might be too much, too pressured. Like, what would you say to those people who are like contemplating on even booking a sales call in the first place?
Speaker 2:Dora is really nice. She looks tough but she's really nice and the coaching call or the silk, or rather it's a no pressure environment. She didn't persuade me to become a client. When we were talking, I was hearing the life I wanted from her and that pushed me forward. And if you get on the call, you can literally tell her your pain points and you guys are going to work out a very specific model to your situation and you're going to have her on Telegram every week or every day and the weekly calls. So she's right there to hold your hand and walk you through the process and you're going to be there to enjoy all of the benefits. She's just going to keep cheering you on.
Speaker 1:Sarah, thanks so much for coming to do this interview. Can you share with everyone what you're most excited about in your dating journey moving forward?
Speaker 2:All the things that I can be, because now I know it's possible, I've seen it happen and I know that it's really up to me Like I still have to work, but I know that when I'm ready, the results are going to come forward. Because now I'm in a place where, okay, how emotionally available am I? Okay, it's not because there are no men out there, it's because you're not that person to attract that kind of man, and so I'm really excited to see how much more I expand and bloom and look back, because sometimes when I look back on the pictures earlier, I'm like, oh, she's so cute, I wish I could do that. It's always to see another Zephra that is doing brand new stuff that I didn't think I could do.
Speaker 1:I'm excited to see her too, because you did a hell of a lot in the last few months working together. I don't even recognize that woman. I know that you're incredibly proud. Because I'm proud of you, I feel like a proud mama. Thank you, my baby, you are incredible and I just you just better invite me to the wedding. That's all I'm saying. You definitely be invited. Thank you, don't play with me. You definitely be invited. Thank you, don't play with me. All right, sim tell everyone, bye-bye, bye everyone.
Speaker 2:It was nice being here. I really appreciate you inviting me.
Speaker 1:Torah, love you oh, I love you more. All right, girl. That episode was so much fun to to create. I'm really really glad that you got a chance to hear Sefa's journey, her story, her evolution, her transformation, um and also have a chance to celebrate with her Um.
Speaker 1:When she first filled out her intake form to book a sales call with me, what she wrote in the section where it says why do you want, why do you want, to work with Torah? She says I'm tired of trying and not getting results because I don't know how to do it right. I know who I am, I love who I am, but I don't know how to express that in relation with the opposite sex without overextending myself. I'm ready for the lover girl life and the ease that comes with it, and if you just heard her transformation, she is far away from that woman. And what I want to say to you today is if you identify with Sephra in any kind of way, if you have been listening to my podcast, if you have been following my Instagram account and you have been tired of trying over and over again and not getting results because you quote, unquote don't know how to do it right, then you know who you are, you love who you are, but you're not able to see that manifested with the men that you're dating and in your love life.
Speaker 1:Let's book a sales call. Get on a call with me. Book your sales call. Like Sephra said, it's a low, very low pressure environment. I'm not going to force you to make a decision. I'm just going to figure out where exactly you are. What are your problems? I'm going to expose what the issues actually are and I am going to show you exactly what it's going to take for you to have what you want on the call and then, if you feel pulled to, you'd work with me, no pressure. So, yeah, go ahead and book the sales call. The link will be in the show notes or you can go to my Instagram account and book a call there. But yeah, girl, I really look forward to you booking your call and talking with me so that I can change your life and dating and the men that you attract in 2025. Okay, bye.