Date with Cents
Date with Cents
You’re Doing Everything Right in Dating… So Why Isn’t It Working?
You’ve followed the advice, applied the strategies, and done everything you’re “supposed” to do in dating—but the results still aren’t there. You’re meeting men, going on dates, and putting yourself out there, yet nothing is moving forward the way you expected. It’s frustrating, and at this point, you might be wondering if something is missing.
In this episode, I break down why doing all the right things isn’t enough and why the key to attracting the love you want isn’t about effort—it’s about identity. If you feel stuck despite doing everything right, this episode will show you exactly why and what to do instead.
Work with me to shift into your Lovergirl Identity so you can attract high-quality men effortlessly—without relying on more dating strategies that don’t work.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
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@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. I am so happy you're here. We're back for another one, and today I want to talk about why you're doing everything right in dating and it's still not working for you.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I felt very inspired to do this episode after running a three-week workshop with my clients recently, and these workshops were designed to help them, number one, reach their relationship goals faster without them having to work harder, and then, two, also helping them get unstuck from any dating ruts like they might have found themselves in, and I absolutely loved the results that came from those workshops. I love how watching my clients shift into different versions of themselves and the types of results that they were able to get from that of themselves and the types of results that they were able to get from that. And, honestly, I also feel like this is the perfect follow-up to last week's episode, when I was talking about doing versus being, like doing the work versus being the work. This is also a perfect episode, and so this episode is for you, if you've been either listening to this podcast, if you have been taking notes, if you've been applying the strategies not just for me, maybe from other people quote unquote basically doing everything right, but you're still struggling, you're still frustrated and you're still not seeing the results that you desire in love and dating. Okay so, but before we get into that, I just want to give a special shout out to Patricia for leaving a review on the podcast.
Speaker 1:She says a must listen for women. She says this is a long overdue. This podcast is truly life-changing. Torah has helped me recognize patterns that weren't serving me and given practical steps to become the woman I want to be. Listening to this podcast feels like stepping into a beautiful, safe space where I can learn all the lessons I wish I had growing up. And the best part the lessons go beyond dating. They apply to life as a whole. Her insights on self-worth, boundaries and feminine energy are not only empowering but also deeply transformative. If you're ready to date and live with confidence and tension, enjoy this podcast as a must listen. Thank you, girl. Thank you for writing that review. You all know I love the reviews, not just because they provide feedback for the podcast, but also when you do this, it pushes the podcast to women, who absolutely need to hear this. So if my episodes have ever been a blessing to you and you have not left a review yet. I do encourage you to go ahead and do so and show some love that way. But anywho, back to the episode.
Speaker 1:So if you have been doing the things, not getting the results, maybe you're thinking okay, now I done joined these dating apps, I done updated my profile, exactly how Tora said, but I'm not getting any good matches, I'm not going on any dates because of this. Or you might be saying I've been going outside, tora, I've been practicing pleasure of presence, like you told me to, and no man is approaching me. Or I go out, I smile, I wave, I interact, but no one is asking me out. Or I've been using the bomb experience Tora on dates, but I'm still not getting second dates. Or I've been using the bomb experience Tora on dates, but I'm still not getting second dates. Or I've been putting myself out there for months, tora. I've been doing it, but I've been dating for almost a year and no one is seriously pursuing me.
Speaker 1:And if you're thinking this at this point, you might also be wondering okay, I've been doing the things and it's not working out for me. Is something wrong with me? Or you might be thinking am I missing something in the strategy, or does this strategy even work for me? Like, does these teachings actually work for me, or am I even in the right city for this to work? Maybe I need to move, I don't know. And I'm going to tell you something that will change everything for you. It's not the strategy, it's not the men, it's not even that something is wrong with you, it's not the city. If you are doing everything quote, unquote, right and you're checking off the boxes and you're still not seeing results and you're still not enjoying dating, then nine times out of 10, you are operating from an identity that is not in alignment with what you say you want from yourself. Okay, and no amount of dating tips, dating strategy, can override an identity that is not in alignment with the love you desire. If you want to be dating deliciously, if you want to be always attracting men who serve and support you, if you always want to be seriously pursued by emotionally intelligent men and making real progress towards the relationship you desire, the love life you desire, you got to shift into your lover girl identity, point, period, blank. There's no way around that, and so, like every time, I share my success in my love life, whether I'm talking about it on the podcast, talking about it with my clients talking about it on Instagram.
Speaker 1:I always get a ton of questions around how I did something. Well, tora, how are you getting approached when you go to these places? I'll post about like me getting approached at parties and like what parties are you going to? Can you invite me to them? Or how did you get these men to be so in love with you? Or how did you get these men to be so emotionally open with you? Or where are you even meeting these men? What dating apps are you meeting these men?
Speaker 1:People are always looking for the how, because they feel like, if they have the secrets, that they can get the same results. Right, if they know the dating apps that I use, of course they can meet the same kind of men that I have. If they go to the places that I go to, of course, the parties that I go to, of course they're going to be able to get my results. And, yes, I got tons of strategy of how this is. This is why the podcast does so well, because there's so many amazing strategies that I share.
Speaker 1:But the reason why, the main reason why I'm able to use my own strategies to get what I want to experience, what I want to attract the kind of men that I want, is because the foundation of my identity is rooted in what I actually want for my love life. It is like my foundation of how I view myself and what I believe about myself is in alignment with what I want for myself in love and dating. So I can give you some of the best strategies you've ever heard in your life. You'll be like, oh my gosh, you get a lot of dopamine hits. Oh my gosh, that was an amazing tour. I never thought about it like that. I could give you some of these best dating strategies, ones that have completely changed the game for so many of my clients, and you could be very excited about learning them, feeling like, oh, I finally have the answers and you might even start seeing some results when you apply them right.
Speaker 1:But here's the truth no matter how good the strategy is, it will not work long term if your identity isn't in alignment with it, Because, no matter what actions you take, you are always going to default back to the identity you actually hold about yourself. You won't date based upon what you want with that identity. You will only date based upon who you believe you are. I'm going to say that again you won't date based upon who you believe you are. I'm going to say that again you won't date based upon what you want. You can only date based upon who you believe you are. This is why there will be two women doing the same strategy and could be getting completely different results. The first woman she is killing it. She's successful at it, she's attracting better men, she's matching with quality men on dating apps. She's having men seriously pursue her. And the other woman applying the same strategies right, they live in the same city and the same zip code, but could be getting different results. The second woman is like none of this is working. I've been doing this. Men are not approaching me, I'm not meeting anyone. It's because one is operating in an identity that's in alignment with what she wants for her love life and another one is stuck in her old identity.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let me show you what I mean by this. Okay, so let me show you what I mean by this. I can teach you the best boundary setting techniques. You know how to communicate clearly, how to set a standard, how to hold firm, how to communicate your consequences if the boundary is pushed, but if, deep down, your identity is still that of a woman who fears abandonment, you will struggle to enforce those boundaries. So, for example, you set a boundary, you use my boundary method, you set a boundary with a man, but the moment that you do, you start worrying Okay, okay, did I upset him? What if he pulls away? What if I come across as too much? If you even got to the point where you set a boundary with the man? These are some of the thoughts that come up.
Speaker 1:And so what happens? You might backtrack, you might soften your boundary, like, oh, I know I said this, but just this one time. Or you over, explain yourself Okay, hoping that you keep keep him around. Okay, like, okay, this is why I have the boundary, and it's because of this and because of that and I want this and I want to make sure I don't do that. And you know, I just I had a rough time with relationships in the past and this is why I'm doing it now, so I don't get hurt. So you're following the rules quote, unquote but your energy is still coming from fear and that is why you will not get the results that you want is because that is the energy that you're coming from. Okay, two, I can give you powerful conversation and communication and texting techniques that make men really excited to talk to you. Okay, and it will teach you how to be engaging. Okay, and it will teach you how to be engaging, how to create deep connection and be intriguing.
Speaker 1:But if your identity is still rooted and needing validation from men, you will still show up anxious and over accommodating. So, for example, you know you're like okay, okay, I sent a post-check question. Yes, oh yeah, this was a spark question that Taurus said to do. Yes, I was able to do that. But behind the scenes, you're obsessively checking your phone, or or you get anxious when you don't get a response immediately, or you're constantly wondering did I say the right thing? What if this wasn't the right spark question? What if he loses interest? And so, yeah, like, you change the action to effortlessly date rotationally, date multiple men, keep your options open and attract multiple quality men who provide, protect and pursue you for a relationship.
Speaker 1:But if, deep down, your identity is still tied to the belief that you have to win love, that you have to work hard and earn to be chosen, or that you're too much or too intimidating to be pursued effortlessly. Girl, you're still going to gravitate towards the wrong men. Okay, so you might have a rotation, you might have a roster. You're like oh yeah, this is what I learned from Tara. I'm dating all these men, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:But instead of being able to enjoy your options, you find yourself fixated on one of the men who is also simultaneously giving you the least effort. So you're fixated on that one man and you're using the other man as a distraction, as distractions. You're like okay, I'm hoping this is the one that chooses me, versus being excited about all of them. You might feel more excited by the challenge of trying to get that one guy than by the men who are actually showing up for you. Or you struggle to be attracted to the ones who are actually showing up for you, or you struggle to be attracted to the ones who are actually pursuing you, or you struggle to even like most of the men that you're dating. Right, you're like oh, I'm dating multiple men, but I'm not excited about any of them. That's. That's not a real rotation.
Speaker 1:And this is because your identity may be one, either still tied to proving your worth, or two. Your identity is still looking to be chosen over you being the chooser. Like, your identity is in alignment with someone who has to be chosen. Okay, you have to convince you think that you have to convince or I can teach you how to create a dream girl, magnetic online dating profile, one that makes quality men stop scrolling and saying that is my dream woman. Okay, I can, which I've done. I put out four episodes to help you do that. But if your, your identity is still tied to self-doubt, if it's still tied to unworthiness, if it's still tied to the belief that online dating doesn't work for you, then your identity will create energy that will still repel the very results that you actually want. So you can update your profile exactly as I teach you know the five C's of great photos. Update your profile exactly as I teach you know the five C's of great photos a bio that really expresses who you are as a woman and nails down the specific kind of man that you want.
Speaker 1:And you start swiping, you start engaging, you use the match to meet method to create conversations that move off the app within 48 hours. But, deep down, your identity are causing thoughts that sound like this I'm too old, I might be too fat, right, he may not be in the fat girls. He may not be in the older women. I'm not sure if I'm attractive enough for this kind of man. Why would anyone want to date me or all the good ones? They never messaged me first. All the men are on here that are low effort, like if this is the identity that you are in alignment with. You subconsciously ignore or downplay the men who are actually showing up for you. You may hesitate to send a message because you're already assuming rejection. I know some women hesitate swiping right because they feel like the man will not be interested in them. Or you don't bring that fun connection energy to the conversations because deep down, you believe they won't go anywhere. So, even though your profile is working, your energy is blocking the results.
Speaker 1:I remember having I remember a client and I would look at her screenshots of her dating app conversations and I could always tell when her identity was kicking in. Her old identity was kicking in because I'm like you look like you don't want to be a part of this conversation. I don't feel you trying to connect here and, lo and behold, it would always be well. I feel like this isn't going to go anywhere, like I feel like I'm wasting my time. And so the identity she was identifying with was well, I have to struggle, or things don't work out for me. And that's how she showed up in the conversation. I said well, ma'am, you're wasting your damn time being on these apps. If this is how you're going to show up, because you can never outperform your identity, I don't care how great your bio is. Okay, if your identity is tied to any kind of struggle, like I have to struggle, or things don't work for me, or any kind of scarcity, like there is not enough for me, not enough men for me, not enough love for me, or if your identity is tied to self-doubt, I don't know if this can work for me. Or I don't know if I'm doing this right. You're going to sabotage your results. You're going to sabotage, you're going to find some way to sabotage, even when you're following the quote unquote right strategy, because no amount of dating tips can override an identity that does not align with the love that you desire. This is why identity work is non-negotiable. But you know, don't just take my word for it. Take Jesus's word for it, take Yahushua's word for it, take Yeshua's word for it Yehu's word for it In Matthew 9 and 17,.
Speaker 1:Jesus said neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins, because if they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins and both are preserved. And that's basically what happened. Like if you took new wine and you poured it into these old, shabby wine skins, the fermentation would bubble up and the energy of the fermentation would be so big that the skins couldn't hold it, and so it will blow the whole thing. That's what you're doing.
Speaker 1:The new wine represents the new strategy, the dating skills Okay, the tools that you've been learning. The old wine skin represents your current identity that's still in alignment with struggle. That's still in alignment with struggle. That's still in alignment with scarcity. That's still in alignment with self-doubt. Okay, these are your deep seated beliefs about love, about relationships, about yourself, about who you are in relationships. And Jesus is saying that if you try to put new wine, aka strategy, into an old wine skin, aka your outdated identity, it will not hold, it will break, it will burst, it will sabotage, and this is why dating strategies alone aren't enough. And this is why dating strategies alone aren't enough, like you have to become the kind of woman who can actually hold and sustain the love that you want. So I'll give you some other examples that aren't even related to dating, so that you can kind of get some different perspective on here to make it a little bit more relatable if you're having trouble understanding it from a dating perspective.
Speaker 1:So, for example, some of you guys know my experience working at Wendy's when there was a recession that hit back in I think Obama was in office and it was like 2008. And I went from having three earned internship offers, graduating from college with three different bachelor's degrees, to them rescinding all the offers and me not having a job or any income. And so I'm well educated with three degrees and I'm like well, I'm going to go work at Wendy's, I'm going to go work at Wendy's, and Wendy's at the time was just a few dollars an hour. It wasn't a lot of money whatsoever. It wasn't what I was going to be getting at Wendy's, and Wendy's at the time was just a few dollars an hour. It wasn't a lot of money whatsoever. It wasn't what I was going to be getting at these internships. At these internships I was going to be getting like $15 an hour. This was back in 2008. So it was a good amount of money and but at Wendy's I was only going to be making like five something, five, almost $6 an hour. So I decided I was going to do that to make some money, while also looking for a position that was in alignment with what I actually desired.
Speaker 1:But when I went to Wendy's I wasn't thinking of oh, this is beneath me, I shouldn't even be here. I was never late for work. I was on time every single day and I learned all the positions, from the cashier to the cook. I was always happy when I came in and I love delivering people their orders. And this is me, with three degrees, with three internships, that rescinded my offer.
Speaker 1:Like I could have been bitter, I could have been upset. I could have been upset, I could have been bothered by this, but I was so happy and I made employee of the month the first month that I was there and they were trying to make me a manager within like the first three months of me being there and I, you know, I turned it down because I'm like people were asking me why are you so happy? Like you come in here. You know, I turned it down because I'm like people were asking me why are you so happy? Like you come in here, you shouldn't even be here. Like you're, you're educated, like you shouldn't even be at the show. Like, why are you so happy? And I'm like I'm happy because I ain't going to be here long.
Speaker 1:It's because I had the identity of a successful woman. I had the identity of a woman who was already in alignment with the career that I wanted, even though I currently wasn't existing in that career. I had the identity of a woman who knew that all opportunities were available to me. That's the identity that I had, that I already know. Oh, I'm going to be, I'm successful, I'm successful, I'm a successful woman. So me working at Wendy's doesn't kill my soul, doesn't kill my spirit, it doesn't make me bitter losing those internships because I'm successful.
Speaker 1:That was my identity and because of that identity, I was able to work at Wendy's and network at the same time. Work at Wendy's and network at the same time. Work at Wendy's and meet people for the same time. Work at Wendy's and be on LinkedIn, making a hundred new connections every day. I was able to work at Wendy's and go to speed networking events and it finally landed me a position going. I was going from like $5, $6 an hour to what I think it was $50 an hour. I went to within a span of eight months. Yeah, it was like eight months. I was able to do that for myself because I had the identity that I am successful. No matter if you see me working at Wendy's or you see me at one of the top global firms in the entire world, I am successful. No matter if you see me working at Wendy's or you see me at one of the top global firms in the entire world, I am successful. I have success. Whether I'm flipping burgers or I'm flipping tax returns, right, I am successful.
Speaker 1:And so this also was applied to weight loss. Think about when you think about somebody who wants to lose weight. There's a difference between people who lose the weight and they gain it back within a couple of months and people who lose the weight forever. Okay, there's a difference in the identity. So both people can follow the best plans, hire a personal trainer and go to the gym consistently, but if, deep down, one of them still had the identity of someone who hates their body, of someone who does not value nutrition, who has the identity that, oh, I always struggle with food, oh, I hate working out. They will eventually default. So they might get some quick wins, they might be like I lost 50 pounds, but they're going to gain it back because their identity is not somebody who identifies with loving their bodies or identifies with someone who doesn't struggle with food right. So they might lose weight for a few months, but the old habits will creep back in. They'll start skipping workouts, they'll fall back into emotional eating and soon back there, right to where they started. Why? Because their external actions change, but their internal identity never did, and that's why it's so important. If you want to, you know, shift and get different results. Long-term, you have to shift your identity of someone who really loves and takes care of their body.
Speaker 1:We can look at this when it comes to money. Most lottery winners lose all of their money within a few years. This is documented. Okay, this is statistics. They go from struggling financially to having millions overnight. But because they still have the identity of someone in poverty, of someone who has to struggle, they mismanage the money. They instead of stewarding it. Their beliefs about their identity around themselves is a reckless identity. It's a identity that does not trust themselves with wealth. It's an identity that believes in scarcity of money, and so, therefore, they are broke within a few years. Why? Because they receive financial success externally, but their internal identity never caught up. They did not identify themselves as a wealthy person, just a poor person with money.
Speaker 1:And the same principle applies to dating. In your love life, you can go to the right places, learn the best communication strategies, optimize your dating profile, but if your identity is still rooted in scarcity, self-doubt, right and struggle, then you are always going to sabotage your results. A woman who believes men always leave her, she's going to find ways to push good men away, even when they pursue her, and that's one of the things that I have to catch my clients doing. When they first start attracting quality men, that old identity wants to creep up and they think that, oh, once Torah helps me attract good men, I'm going to be fine. No, we got more work to do. Like, we have way more work to do, because now we're exposing where your old identity is still rearing its head and now you're going to push these men away.
Speaker 1:A woman who believes she has to work hard for love will ignore men who pursue her and chase the ones who make her prove herself and chase the ones who make her prove herself. A woman who believes that online dating doesn't work for her, she will overlook amazing matches because she's already convinced they don't exist. She's already convinced herself, so she can't even see it. She'll get on there, swiping day in and day out. She she'd be like, well, there's nobody on here, I can't see them.
Speaker 1:Okay, if your identity does not align with attracting, holding and sustaining love, that you're worthy of love, that you're beautiful enough for love, that your age doesn't matter in this equation, your actions are not going to support it. You will self-sabotage yourself. Okay, now, jesus didn't just say don't pour new wine into old wineskins. He said they pour new wine into new wineskins and both are preserved. This means if you want new results, you're going to need to become a new vessel girl that can hold it, that can hold your results, that can hold it, that can hold your results.
Speaker 1:New love requires a new identity. New men requires a new identity, a new way of being, a new way of aligning yourself to these beliefs. And that is what shifting into your lover girl identity is all about. Okay, your lover girl entity identity will allow love and dating to no longer feel like a struggle, but something that flows to you effortlessly. Okay, your lover girl identity is a way of being. It's the version of you that already attracts, that already receives and already enjoys love without struggle, even if you currently don't have evidence for this, even if you currently have not seen evidence for this in the past or now. If you shift into this identity, you will create it for yourself in the future. But you have to shift now. You can't wait for results. You can't wait to see it first and think okay, once I get the evidence that dating apps work, then I will shift into this lover girl identity. Once I see that there's men you know approaching me, then I'll shift in this identity. The identity comes first, the results come later.
Speaker 1:So, for example, an old identity is I am a woman who second guesses myself in dating, wondering if I'm doing it right. That's the old, outdated identity that will cause you to get results that are wishy-washy because you're wishy-washy, second guessing yourself. Okay, the lover girl identity is I am a woman who trusts my dating decisions and the right man will be able to recognize me, will be able to appreciate me. I don't have to do things right because the right man already thinks that I'm doing things right. That's lover girl identity. And when you're able to do that, you don't have to worry about holding back or try to play a role or to be more reserved and then wait until later to be like ha ha, this is my real personality. You can show your real quirky, weird personality on the first date and you'll be fine because you trust your. You trust yourself, you trust your dating decisions. That's your identity.
Speaker 1:The old identity sounds like I am a woman who feels guilty when men do things for her, and this is a woman who don't get anything. Or this is a woman who struggles with men serving and supporting her because she feels guilty. The lover girl identity sounds like I am a woman who men love to adore, who they love to care for because it makes them happy. That's the lover girl identity. The old identity sounds like I am a woman who's really nervous about walking away, even when I feel like things aren't going right. You know, I kind of feel walking away because how can I find another man like him? I don't know. Again, that's rooted in scarcity. Right, it's either rooted in self-doubt, struggle or scarcity, and it's a scare. Love, a girl identity sounds like.
Speaker 1:I am a woman who I value me too much to settle for less than I desire. That's the woman that I am and because of that I have to walk away. I have to, I have to step away from nice things. I always tell my clients when they come to work with me, I'm like look, I know you are not used to dating quality men, but I'm telling you, once you start dating them, you have to be comfortable walking away from them. You have to be comfortable walking away from nice things. You have to become a woman that is okay with walking away from nice things. You have to become a woman that is okay with working, walking away from nice things because it's not fully in alignment versus well, he's, he's not bad and he's kind and he's loving and he's giving, and that's not the reason why you stay with the man. Okay, old identity is.
Speaker 1:I am a woman who assumes the worst in dating and I expect disappointment, which is why, like you're, every time a man sends you a message or he says something you're always looking for, like why did he say that? Oh, my gosh, I haven't heard from him in over 15 hours. I wonder what he's doing. Does he not like me anymore?
Speaker 1:Versus the lover girl identity is I am a woman who enjoys the process of dating without fear of the outcome. I don't hear from this man in three days. I'm enjoying the process of dating. I don't fear him not coming back. I don't fear that he doesn't like me because I am a woman who enjoys the process of dating without that kind of fear. The O identity I am a woman who finds dating exhausting, stressful and frustrating. You're going to create, you're going to keep creating exhausting, stressful and frustrating experiences. If that's what you're creating for yourself, that's the identity that you have a struggle identity.
Speaker 1:But the lover girl identity is I am a woman who moves through dating with ease, with playfulness and joy, and you don't have to wait for evidence to see that you decide that. You decide that this is your identity. Okay, and so now that you see the difference between what an old identity looks like that's not in alignment with your goals and a lover girl identity, I want you to ask yourself number one which identity have I been operating from? You can always tell by your results. You can always tell right. What identity have I been operating from? Where have I been overthinking? Where have I been overworking? Where have I been over giving for love? That will expose the identity you currently exist in. And then I want you to ask yourself the question where am I ready to step into my lover girl identity? Where am I ready to step into my lover girl identity? Where am I ready, am I ready to start stepping into my identity because I am tired of overthinking or I'm tired of not getting results on the dating apps. I'm tired of not getting approached Like where am I ready to step into my lover girl identity when I go to events, all right. When I go outside and I start smiling and waving when I am creating conversation with men, like where am I ready to step into my lover girl identity? So, now that I've talked about your old identity, the importance of shifting into a new identity for better results, here's how to actually shift into your new girl lover identity. It's just three steps. How do you stop just learning dating strategies and actually become a woman who's able to naturally apply, naturally implement these strategies without sabotaging, okay, and being able to attract what she desires?
Speaker 1:Number one is notice the micro moments. Where does your old identity show up, does it show up in your conversations, do they manifest on dating apps? Do they show up while you're going outside to meet people, right? So, for example, I I gave a client a. I gave a client a goal of smiling and waving at a hundred men in the next seven days, and when she came back she was like Tora, I only did, I only did it to two, two men. I only got two men, and this is where we saw her old identity show up. I love that exercise that I provide to clients, because we get to see the identity that comes up, the one that shrinks, the one that overthinks, and I'm like okay, these are the thoughts that you were having. This is why we didn't get to 100, man, okay, let's address that identity.
Speaker 1:So, notice the micro moments. Think about what thought patterns show up when you are doing these things, when you feel triggered. You notice, become aware. You have to become aware of it first, where your old identity is showing up. The second thing you need to do is decide what your lover girl identity is and what she does. Okay, ask yourself what would my lover girl identity do? So when, if you, if it's time to make a decision, stop and ask would my new identity react this way? If you're going outside and it's time to smile and wave and you realize yourself shrinking, you have to ask yourself will my new identity, will my lover girl identity, react this way? If you are on a dating app and you're swiping right on men that you think are ugly or not attractive, or you're having conversations with men you're not even excited about, you need to ask yourself would my lover girl identity be participating in this? If you have a front runner and you're dating multiple men and you have other men that you're dating but you're not really interested in those men, you're only interested in one, you need to ask yourself will my lover girl identity have a rotation that looks like this, be so consumed with one man like this, waiting for him to choose me? And if that new identity wouldn't react this way, you need to pause and you need to choose me. And if that new identity wouldn't react this way, you need to pause and you need to choose differently.
Speaker 1:Okay, one of my clients. I'm so proud of her, so impressed with her, that you know one of the things that was holding her back was her old identity. It was causing her to be irritable. It was causing her to be frustrated. It was causing her to be irritable. It was causing her to be frustrated, it was causing her to be stressed out all the time and it was causing her to fear connection. She would sabotage connections with men, with women, right, like she would just sabotage. And so when she decided, okay, I'm done with all that, I'm shifting into this new identity so I can properly apply this strategies, oh my gosh, she was so magnetic, attracting and being able to attract people to her and then also being able to engage with attractive men that she would have assumed wouldn't be interested in her. Number one, because of her age or number two, maybe she didn't have the look that that type of person would have, but she found herself engaging with attractive men. But the reason why she was able to do that wasn't because of the strategies I gave. It was because she shifted into a new identity that could actually apply the strategies All right, and she was able to pause and choose differently whenever the old version of her came screaming and had doubt.
Speaker 1:And then number three is to commit to one small action daily. You don't have to fully become this woman overnight where you're getting quote, unquote everything right Cause, again, it's not going to get you the results that you want. Okay, but you need to commit to one small action daily, every day, take one action that aligns with your new identity, your lover girl identity, and maybe that, maybe you want your identity to be. I am a woman who men love to see, and so that will allow you to start smiling and waving if you fear, and then, instead of waiting to see the evidence that men are excited to see you or excited to meet you, you start smiling and waving, and that will help you collect the evidence, and waving and that will help you collect the evidence. Or, for example, you might your lover girl identity might be I am a woman who men love to provide for or men love to show up for, and so that action might be oh, I'm going to ask for help today, or I'm going to ask a man to do something for me today, or I'm going to ask for a man to make my life easier. Your lover girl identity might be I am a woman who trusts my dating decisions, my romantic decisions, and so that might be instead of wondering, what should I send this man, what's the right thing to send this man? What's the right thing to send this man? What's the right way to go about things? You actually just send a message that you came up with and trust that that message is enough. Okay, committing to one small action daily.
Speaker 1:Dating strategy is amazing. It's great. I use dating strategy, I teach dating strategy, but I also teach identity, because until you become the kind of woman who naturally receives the love that you desire, you will always feel like you're forcing, you'll always feel like you're chasing it, you'll always feel like you're struggling in it. You're not broken. You don't need to fix yourself. You simply just need to shift into the identity of a woman who already knows that love is here, that already knows that love is simple right, didn't say easy, simple that she already knows that she's worthy of love. And once you do that, everything else falls into place. Your love life won't change because you learned another dating rule, baby. I promise you it won't. It will change when you step into a new identity where love is certain. Love is already yours. Love is here right now, okay, where you are adored and appreciated.
Speaker 1:And one of the biggest reasons why my clients get results is because we don't just work on strategy. We work on how they see themselves, we work on how they view themselves, we work on what they believe about themselves. And, paired with my strategies, that is how they begin getting results fast. And that's why I want to one coaching I help you shift into your lover girl identity so that you can attract high quality men effortlessly, without depending on dating strategies alone that aren't giving you the results that you want.
Speaker 1:With me, you'll stop second guessing yourself and dating and wondering why nothing is working when you're doing everything quote, unquote right.
Speaker 1:You'll finally shift into your new identity, where men naturally pursue, prioritize and invest in you without you having to force it, and you'll start dating in a way that feels effortless, fun and filled with exciting options, because you're showing up as the kind of woman who always gets what she desires in love what she desires in love.
Speaker 1:Work with me to confidently date without sabotaging your own results from operating from an outdated identity. If this episode resonates with you and you would love to quantum leap into your new dating results, your new dating life, and you will love my help, go ahead and book a sales call so that you and I can have a conversation around what it would look like to work together and how I can help you specifically. You can find the link to book your call in the notes below, or you can book your call from my Instagram page. There's a link there for you to book it. But I would love to have a conversation about how I can help you so that you can finally maintain the love life you desire, without you boomerang back to your old state, your old identity, in sabotaging yourself. And also, if this, uh, this episode was a resonant for you, go ahead and leave a review, leave a written review, let me know what you think and until next time, bye.