Date with Cents

Bonus: Dating Conversation Skills You Were Never Taught (But Need)

• TorahCents • Episode 129

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In this special bonus episode, I break down how the quality of your conversations with men determines your dating outcomes. Learn how to transform boring, go-nowhere exchanges into meaningful connections that inspire pursuit and commitment through my proven B.O.M.B framework.

Workshop Details:


Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.  Book a sales call HERE to speak with me. 



OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:

Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop


Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard 


Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.


Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Speaker 1:

What's up, lover girls, welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. This is a bonus episode, so this is an extra episode that I'm putting out and I'm really excited because it is sponsored and inspired by my upcoming conversations that inspire commitment workshop coming up soon, on April 19th and the 20th so that's a Saturday and a Sunday, and the workshop is from 10 am Central Standard Time to 1230 pm, 1 pm ish. If you've been to my workshops, you know why I say ish, because I can just go and I absolutely love to coach and so if you stay tuned, I'll show you, I will, I'll give you more details about the workshop and then I'll show you how you can secure your seat or the replay with a special limited time bonus. So I've just been noticing a lot of patterns, with so many incredible lover girls in our community and maybe, as you're listening to this, you're experiencing these things also.

Speaker 1:

Maybe online you match with the guy, conversation starts off fine and then boom, it dies within 24 or 48 hours, maybe it dies within the week. Or maybe you met a man in person, like you've been having great first interactions. You exchange numbers, but when you text or when you call or get on the phone, like the energy completely either shifts or fizzle out and you're like, oh, what's happening here? Or maybe you're going on first dates. They seem very promising, but then the follow up conversations feel awkward. They might feel forced. They might feel forced. They might feel kind of weird. It's kind of like all right, we done, talked about everything on the date. What do we talk about now? Or you might've been seeing someone for a few months or three weeks, but the conversations never seem to deepen beyond surface level, leaving you wonder if there's any real potential with this guy. You may even get bored or uninspired, and then some of you might be thinking, okay, I get plenty of attention from men initially, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. Or they never seem to be interested in pursuing anything serious with me, or they never seem to be opening up to me. And if you're anything like the women that I work with, you might be wondering okay, am I boring? Did I say too much? And is something wrong with me? Should I have played it cooler? Am I not interesting enough? Or maybe you're like these men are boring, these men are not opening up, and so today I'm just going to break down why these patterns keep happening, regardless of where or how you're meeting men. And then, more importantly, what you can do about it. Because the truth is, if you think conversations with men are just about getting to know each other or moving the relationship forward, then we got some talking to do. We got some work to do.

Speaker 1:

Whether you're dating online, meeting men in person, meeting men through friends, connecting at events or even navigating the early stages of a relationship, the quality of your conversations is going to determine what your love life looks like. It is the foundation for your connection. It's the foundation for the love life that you desire. So let's get real about what's actually happening in your dating life right now.

Speaker 1:

Most high achieving women of faith were never taught how to create conversations that actually build connection. We were taught to be polite, we were taught to respond when spoken to and maybe even, you know been taught to wait on God to bring the right connection, the right interactions, the right men. And then many of us have focused heavily on our careers. We focus heavily on our education first, and we just assumed that the relationships would just come naturally, that the men would just come naturally when the time was right. So, whether we're meeting men online, at events, through friends and professional settings. We're winging it. We're winging it. We're hoping that if there's good chemistry or a little banter, our conversations will naturally turn into something meaningful.

Speaker 1:

But here's the reality. Conversations with men carry way more significance than just learning what you have in common or touching base enough to make progress. Because some of us are like oh you know, I need some consistency, I need a consistent man when it comes to communication. Or I value communication and when I'm taking a sneak peek at your conversations, I'm like I don't think you value communications the way't think you value communications the way you think you do. Or I don't think that you really understand that your desire for consistency is not quality. It's not quality at all, and that's why you're not progressing in your relationships with men, in your connections. Because, if done right, your conversations can be your superpower. That sets you up to deeply connect with multiple high quality men who are excited about pursuing you for a serious commitment. But if done wrong, you're going to keep experiencing ghosting after initial contact or boring, forgettable interactions that you're frustrated with, or connections that fizzle out quickly. You don't know what happened. Or maybe you do know what happened, but you didn't know how to fix it, or you'll keep experiencing being stuck in the friend zone. This is where everyone says, oh, you're wifey material, but ain't nobody trying to wife you up right? Or getting I'm not looking for anything serious responses consistently over and over again, or simply being a part of a situationship that you don't want to be a part of.

Speaker 1:

And I see these patterns all the time with my clients before they come work with me. I have one client like before she came to work with me, like she was consistently getting attention from men. Initially, right, so men were talking to her. Men were approaching her, whether online or in person. Like men would approach her, start conversations telling her how amazing she is, impressive she is. But within the first few days or after our first date, these men would be gone. How you gone after telling me how amazing I am, like that was a common thing.

Speaker 1:

But when I actually went in and I reviewed her approach like I noticed something immediately. I noticed one of the things that she was doing was she was objectifying the men, not sexually but relationally. So she was really focused on can he be my man, can he be my boyfriend that she actually forgot to connect with who he actually was as a person, and then men can really sense that energy and it feels like you're checking the box rather than actually seeing them. And then another client that I had she kept having what she called quote unquote nice interactions that never progressed, kept having what she called quote unquote nice interactions that never progressed. So maybe it was a casual conversation that she was having out and about with a man, or even an actual date, and they were just nice interactions. They didn't ever turn into anything, even if the guy was attractive, even if she thought something could happen.

Speaker 1:

But when we dug deeper, her conversations were pleasant but they were very forgettable. There were nothing memorable, nothing that created a lasting impression or to build a genuine connection that could have turned into a date, that could have turned into exchanging of information, that could have turned into a date that could have turned into exchanging information, that could have turned into relationships. And then there was another client who always managed to get into relationships, but she found out that after like three months they would plateau, the conversations would stall, everything would become routine and eventually the men would pull away and that would happen over and over and over again and leaving her wondering like what did I do wrong at three to four or five months? These men that I was dating, that I'm in a relationship with it, like they just come up with excuses or they pull away. I want to tell you the problem isn't you okay, or they pull away. I want to tell you the problem isn't you Okay, it's that no one taught us the art of conversation as a pathway to genuine connection and commitment.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so what is the solution? A big part of the solution here is learning like how to create what I call a BOM experience in your conversations with men. Bom stands for Bonafide, open, memorable and Bonding, and so let me give you a glimpse of what each component means for your dating life. So, when it comes to Bonafide, the hard truth is most of us, especially of us high achieving women of faith, we approach dating with a checklist mindset, like we're secretly evaluating men as potential boyfriends, potential husbands, instead of genuinely connecting with them as people, even people who understand objectification from me, like you've learned from me when they, when you become clients, I'm like girl, you don't realize that you're still checklisting. And men can sense this immediately, and it's a major reason why promising connections fizzle out, and so, in the workshop that I am hosting, I'm going to show you how to shift from is he husband material to creating authentic conversation that makes him feel valued for who he is and not just for the role he might feel in your life. So this subtle but powerful change is often what makes a man think, okay, this one is different. This one makes me feel seen, heard and understood. This one is someone that actually sees me for who I am as a man, and not for the attention I can give her, not for the provision I can give her, not for the provision I can give her, not for the relationship I can give her, and it really inspires him to pursue you. The O in the bomb open.

Speaker 1:

Open is about allowing yourself to be truly seen in your conversations with men. As high achieving women of faith, like we've been conditioned to be nice girls where we present a perfect, polished version of ourselves, we show up to dates and conversations on dating apps hiding our quirks, suppressing our real opinions and filtering out our authentic personalities. Okay, so one of my clients that I had, like she was really stuck in this pattern because men will find her attractive, they will find her quote unquote nice, but they never felt compelled to pursue her seriously. Why? Because they were not connecting with the real her. She would always show up to dates like, yeah, I just I want to kind of wait to get to know him before I reveal the real me, before I open up, and so she would be very reserved. And so in this workshop, I'm going to show you how to gradually reveal your true self in conversation, creating space for genuine connection without you feeling too exposed or vulnerable. And so when you master this, men don't just see your outer beauty, and outside of you, they're going to be drawn to who you are as a woman, even if you believe that it's too much, even if you believe it's too goofy or too quirky.

Speaker 1:

Okay, the M in the bomb experience is memorable, and it means creating conversations that leave a distinct impression because they reflect your unique perspective and energy. It's the difference between generic interactions that feel like job interviews versus engaging exchanges that reveal who you truly are. So most of us are getting trapped in boring conversation patterns, asking the same predictable questions about work, about weekend plans, about hobbies that every other person is asking. We be sending them routine check-in tests. Hey, like hope, all is well right. Texts that blur together with all the other messages in a man's inbox, and the result is that frustrating dating experiences where conversations quickly stall out and promising connections fizzle out.

Speaker 1:

Memorable conversations aren't about being outrageous. They're not about being performative. They're about injecting your specific viewpoint, your viewpoint, your humor, your curiosity into your interactions. It's about asking the questions that no one would think to ask because no one is you, or responding in a way that inspires him to pause and think and want to really be engaged with the conversation. And so in this workshop, I'm going to teach you exactly how to craft messages and questions that showcase your specific personality while eliciting thoughtful responses from men. So you'll learn specific techniques from transitioning from small talk into meaningful exchanges that reveal compatibility much faster. Okay, and when you master this element, you're going to waste less time on dating connections and you're going to invest more time with men who genuinely appreciate your authentic communication style, and then draining will become less well, dating will become less draining and more rewarding. Your conversations will naturally stand out in his mind and you will attract men who are interested in the real you, not just your physical appearance or accomplishments, and this is how you break the exhausting cycle of matching, chatting and ghosting to create connections that actually progress to the relationship that you want.

Speaker 1:

And the last B in the BOM experience is bonding. It is the art of creating emotional connection through conversation. It is what transformed casual interest into an actual investment from a man. This element addresses the biggest frustrations in modern dating, like having plenty of interactions, having plenty of matches, having plenty of conversations, but very few meaningful connections, very few connections that are actually progressing and leading somewhere. So many of us are getting stuck in situations that we don't want to be in or endless casual dating patterns because we don't know how to navigate the crucial middle ground of relationship development. We are either keeping conversations perpetually light and surface level and then wondering why things never deepen, or we're making this hard push for premature intimacy that makes quality men pull back like Tora. He's not opening up, he's not being vulnerable and it's like ma'am. This push is too premature. True bonding happens when you create a safe space for authentic exchange where both people feel understood on a deeper level.

Speaker 1:

It's not just about asking deep questions, right, because I'll get people come to me, tora. I just want a deeper conversation with these men. I want to go deep, and when I'm listening, I'm like these are just questions about deeper topics, but these don't create intimacy. These do not deepen a relationship. You just want to know random things about random stuff because it sounds deep but it doesn't deepen intimacy. So it's not just about asking quote unquote deep questions. It's about knowing which topics create a shared emotional experience. You can ask a basic ask question and deepen intimacy more than what y'all think are deep questions. Okay, so, um, you'll like. It's about knowing which topics create shared emotional experiences, when to introduce them and how to respond in a way that builds trust rather than walls. And so in the workshop, I'm going to teach you specific conversation techniques that build genuine intimacy at the appropriate pace for each stage of dating. You'll learn exactly which topics create emotional investment, when to bring them up naturally, and how to guide conversations beyond surface level exchanges without coming across as pushy or like an interrogation or interview.

Speaker 1:

Now, when you implement these bonding techniques, you're going to stop wasting months in connections that hover in uncertainty. You got to quickly identify which men are emotionally available and capable of forming real intimacy with you, instead of investing in those who can't or won't go deeper. And this is how you transition from endless casual dating to a relationship with a man who actually sees your value, who actually actively pursues you, who actually makes you a priority in his life. Now, when you take the B-O-M-B and you mix them up in the pot and you combine all four elements, you're going to see concrete changes in your dating life. One men following up consistently instead of disappearing after initial contact. Men who make clear plans to see you instead of sending endless text. Men who actively work to keep you in their lives instead of keeping things casual. And I've seen these results with clients of all backgrounds women in their 20s to their 50s, single moms, career focused professionals, women of all shapes and sizes. These principles work because they're about human connection and not outdated rules or gimmicks, and that's why I've created the two day conversations that inspire commitment workshop, happening on April 19th and 20th at 10 am Central Standard Time. They'll probably go until 1231 ish.

Speaker 1:

And this isn't just another dating workshop with generic out advice or rules and if you've been to my workshops, you absolutely know what I'm talking about. This is going to be a comprehensive conversation, transformation for women at any stage of their dating journey. Okay, and so during our time together we're going to deep dive, deep into day one. So day one that's the Friday, that's the 19th the foundation of conversation. On day one, we're going to tackle the exact reason your conversations aren't converting to real connections. I'm going to show you my three-part framework that transforms how men respond to your messages and conversation starters. You will learn the mindset shift that instantly makes your texts and in-person interactions more engaging. Exactly what to say in those crucial moments to stand out from every other woman he meets, the specific phrases that make a man think about you long after the conversation ends. And by the end of day one, you will have word for word examples that you personally can use that same day, that same evening, that same week, whether you're messaging men on apps, texting someone you just met, or you're heading out for a date. Okay, so that's day one. Day two fruitful and fun conversation. It's all about turning those initial conversations into real momentum.

Speaker 1:

And so we'll break down the bomb method that works in every dating scenario. So bonafide how to ask questions that make a man feel truly seen, not just interviewed. Open, my simple three-step technique to share and be vulnerable without oversharing. Memorable, my pattern interrupt method that makes you impossible to forget, and then bonding the exact topics that create emotional connection and which ones kill attraction. So you're going to leave with a complete conversation playbook for every situation, from opening message all the way to deepening in an existing relationship, with real examples from successful clients who started with these exact techniques. Okay, and then you'll get these practical bonuses that you can use immediately on the call, live hot seat coaching, where I'm going to analyze your specific conversation screenshots and give you exact wording to turn difficult situations around. So bring your conversations, I will review them. Just come in, I will look at them and review them. My conversation catalyst guide with 50 plus specific questions organized by dating stage, from first message to exclusivity talks that get meaningful responses instead of one word answers Okay, and then a swipe file of real text message exchanges showing before and after transformations, including the exact messages that turn lukewarm connections into committed relationships. Okay, these are theoretical resources. These are practical tools that you can use the same day you receive them to transform your existing conversations with men. All right, and this workshop is perfect for you If you're actively dating but you feel like you're having the same surface level conversations that go nowhere.

Speaker 1:

You're getting matches or attention but can't seem to convert them into quality dates or relationships. You've been told that you're intimidating or too much and feel like you need to tone yourself down to connect with men. You're tired of being ghosted about after what you thought were good conversations. You're stuck in situations where men enjoy your company but they're not looking to commit and you're ready to hope. Stop hoping things will naturally evolve and want strategic skills to create the love life you deserve. So let's be clear, all the way clear. Having a frustrating dating life filled with disconnected conversations isn't just annoying. It's actually robbing you of the dates, of the connections, of the relationships you deserve. You have worked really hard to build success in other areas of your life. Your love life should match that level of fulfillment and satisfaction.

Speaker 1:

So if you're ready to stop wondering why your connections keep fizzling out, overthinking every text you send wasting months on men who are not serious about pursuing and feeling like you have to hide parts of yourself to be more desirable or appealing, then join me April 19th and 20th. In just two days, you'll gain conversation skills that will transform your dating experience for the rest of your life. These skills you can pass on to like an inheritance to other people. Okay, remember, you can get well, not remember. I'm just not sharing it now. If you use the code combo queen, all one word C-O-N-V-O-Q-U-E-E-N to, you can get $50 off, but only if you're one of the first 20 women to sign up. So this offer expires. Once those spots are filled, the yeah, you can get $50 off of the workshop. The link is going to be in the show notes and the code, so you can go ahead and click the link in the show notes right now to secure your spot.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I've seen these exact techniques transform dating lives time and time again, from women who were consistently ghosted to women who now have quality men actively pursue them for serious relationships. Okay, but if you're thinking, okay, I can't attend live tour, I won't be able to make it, so what? So what? Get the replay. Treat the replay as if you were in the room. Okay, treat the replay as if you're in the room and make sure that you show up for yourself, especially considering that last year I only did this workshop once. Okay, I do this workshop, maybe like once, maybe twice a year, but hey, I might not be doing it again this year Like I did last year. Please just at least get the replay and work through it. Okay, so it's your turn. I can't wait to see you at the workshop in here about the conversations that will be leading to your commitment. Until next time, bye.